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What, too soon?

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | August 14, 2010 |

By Tater Barley Banks | Comment Diversions | August 14, 2010 |


Ah, shit. It's raining like hell at this very moment and I just looked out the window and, yes, indeedy, I did leave my car out and my window down, because it was smokin' hot here today and I am going to see Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work later tonight and didn't want to be all drenched in sweat from riding in a hot car, and now half my ass will be wet with rainwater for two hours.

It's been that kind of week, the kind that starts with a funeral and goes downhill from there.

Mrs. Tater's dad died on a Thursday and the viewing and Mass were Sunday and Monday. Neither of us had had to bury a parent before, so once the hysteria subsided it was a learning experience. A vault? Does everybody get one of those (eventually)? They DO? Well, OK, as long as it's only $995 ...

The good news is, Pap went out about the best way you could think of for a 79-year-old man who'd had the shit beat out of him by 35 years in the coal mines of Pennsylvania. As my MiL tells it, it was late afternoon and he was lying on his favorite couch. He's been having some back pain among his myriad other pains and had been given a pill for it about an hour before. So he might have been feeling pretty good for once. My MiL got up and announced she was going to fix dinner. Pap said her name and asked her to "come here." She went to him and said, "What?" He reached out, took her hand, smiled at her and died.

That's the way to go, isn't it? Well, he did like the girlies, so maybe he would have enjoyed a tall, leggy blonde in the room. If it were me on the couch, clock ticking down 15 ... 14 ... 13 ... holding Mrs. Tater's hand and feeling little pain, I'd just like to add a beer. My reasoning comes from that Calvin & Hubbes where Hobbes asks Calvin if he had one wish, what would he wish for? And Calvin says a bajillion dollars. And Hobbes says he'd like to have a tuna fish sandwich. Calvin ridicules this moronic idea. In the last frame, Hobbes is eating a tuna fish sandwich while Calvin scowls. "I got MY wish," Hobbes says.

Anyone among your friends and family get to go out smiling?

Barring that, got any funny/horrific funeral stories?



Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.



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