Pajiba

I once went trick-or-treating dressed as an insurance salesman. My best Sunday suit, my dad's briefcase and a bag for the candy.

Years later, I took part in our local Jaycees' haunted house, partly because I had a white lab coat and partly because I knew the recipe for stage blood.

This year, I'm going as a member of the proletariat (I work Sunday night).

When I was 2 I was supposed to be a devil. I just remember being terrified of it. Like screaming hysterically, refusing to put the costume on terrified of it.

My mother, pregnant with my sister and in no mood to deal, pretty much said fuckit. Stuck me in my favorite purple sweatsuit and pinned purple balloons all over it. At least if my pudgy self fell over, I'd be uber cushioned.

And then I reprised the costume twenty years later :)

... I was grapes

Don Cherry, Victoria? That seems rather tame for what he'd wear. Sorry, Canadian humour.

But things never really gelled so I just ended up looking like a scary clown whore.

Brilliant.

My halloween costumes are never really imaginative. Probably because I'm to lazy to do otherwise.

I go as one of the zombie characters from MJ's Thriller.

I do find myself snapping at peeps when they fail to guess though. They just think I look disheveled. Honestly folks!

Really scary cracked me up. I love reading about and looking at Halloween costumes--Halloween is almost nonexistent in Honduras, and the only people who dress up are very little kids for school celebrations. Sometimes you'll get a costume party for college kids, but they're pretty sad because no one's used to looking like a jackass once a year, so you just get a lot of cat ears or whatever. I love vicariously through other people's horror stories.

This year, though! I'm gonna be SUPER ORIGINAL and dress up like Charlie Brown in "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown!" and cut up some holes in a sheet and be a ghost. I'll carry around a paper sack with a rock in it. And underneath I'll be wearing a giant yellow shirt with a black squiggly line and black pants. I know it's been done before, but I've ALWAYS wanted to do it and now it's my chance!

When I was in college, my roommate invited my boyfriend and me to a Halloween party. Neither he nor I were partying types, but we agreed to dress up. I owned a pair of black jeans and a black and white striped shirt, so I added pair of white suspenders and some white face paint and went as a mime. Of course, most everyone knew what I was supposed to be, but what really aggravated me was that most of them (I guess) expected me to stay completely silent the entire night since someone invariably made stupid cracks about mimes not talking whenever I bothered opening my mouth.

But, what I really want to tell you about is this... Neither my boyfriend nor I were particularly creative and neither one of us managed to come up with a fantadtic costume idea for him. So, he ended up getting one of those white head-to-toe type suits you see folks wearing in a clean room and a respirator from his dad who owned an asbestos removal company at the time. Now, I get that he wasn't really *anything* other than a guy in a white suit with a respirator. But, considering that this was a party thrown and attended by mostly engineering students, you would think he would have gotten a few less "WTF are you supposed to be?" type questions.

It really turned out to be a pretty disappopinting night and only reminded us why we didn't like to go out in the first place.

Robert, I thought I was the only one (aside from my then girlfriend) who dressed up like a fucking die. (We were a pair of dice).

Yeah, it was a piece of shit, but I was devoted to her and...

In 7th grade I went as a geisha. I was also fat and it was my first foray into heavy makeup. I looked like a culturally insensitive transvestite.

Let's see my favorite holiday is Halloween.

Let's see I've been the Devil, Mad Hatter, Princess Jasmine, Sleeping Beauty, Super Heather, Elizabeth Bennet, Rainbow Brite, a clown, a Men in Black agent, a mummy, and a box of Crayon.

Because of Halloween, I learned how to sew.

@esme

I had the same thing happen! Sophomore year of high school I went to my school's Halloween dance as Alex from A Clockwork Orange. I know it's not terribly original, but it was my favorite movie at the time.

I thought I pulled it off pretty well. I had a black bowler; while pants, shirt, and suspenders; black boots; and even the eye makeup. Unfortunately, no one but a few of the teachers had a damn clue who I was.

One year I went as a kissing booth. Oh, sure, people recognized me easily, but I had failed to realize that everyone, not just the hotties, would try to kiss me. Damn you, flaw in my planning!

The remembrance of scores of wildly drunken/sweaty/smelly dudes very persistantly trying to kiss me (all. night. long.) can still make me shudder a little.

Made fifty bucks, though. Win?

That depends, noodlestein. Did you have to spend the fifty buck on medication for cold sores and/or miscellanious oral maladies?

One year I went as a vampire. Riveting, I know. But back in the early 90's, they weren't cliche' tween creations, they were actually scary to 8 year-olds. Promise. Anyways, I decided it would be best to wear all black, because that is apparently frightening.

The only black sweatshirt that I owned had a giant glow-in-the-dark Batman logo on the front.

My Mom suggested I simply turn it inside out, but I was to stubborn to listen to any suggestion, so I decided to just wear it normally. I was vampire batman, with a glowing emblem so you could see me from 200 feet away. Which, in retrospect, is actually pretty fucking sweet.

Last year I scrambled to throw together a costume from the local thrift store so that I had a way to get plastered with my friends. I'm too neurotic to go to a party with normal clothes on, so I would have had to stay home. I was having trouble finding anything, so I ended up buying a bunch of tremendously garish clothes including bright red flannel pants, checkered button up shirt with a shiny purple vest over that, and a green marching band jacket. For a women. So, yeah. It was tiny.

People kept asking me if I was Willy Wonka. It could have been worse, so I went with it.

I seem to luck the fuck out. With costumes.

Twice.

Worst costume?

"Person who needs coffee." Wore a robe, dark circles under my eyes, carried a coffee cup, and collected candy in a pillow case. The worst thing was that I borrowed my dad's robe, and the pocket had condoms in it, which really kinda grossed out my 4th grade self when I unwittingly stuck my hands in the pockets.

@Robert Scott

Nah, just spent it on multiple drinks to assuage the sadness in my soul. ;)

The worst costume I ever had to wear was Aunt Jemima. My mother dressed my poor pale white 8 year old self up in full blackface and sent me out to trick or treat and to a party hosted by a lovely Indian family who had a very multicultural group of friends. I remember people looking at me a little askance, but wasn't very self aware, so it felt ok at the time. I am horrified just writing it.

A close second was the time in university I dressed up as a bag of jellybeans (on purpose, as opposed to commenters above). I wore a dry cleaner bag filled with balloons with a white body stocking underneath. It was cool, and I won a prize, but every guy there took a turn squeezing the balloons in the boob and butt region, so eventually I was left standing in a giant plastic bag over the nearly see through stocking, with a pair of black heels. A little fetishistic, now that I reflect on it, but I was pretty sober at the time and it was mortifying.

I threw a party once that a friend of mine flew to town to attend. She dressed up as a pink slip. (She wore pink slip with a bunch of notes that said 'you're fired' on them.) Pretty clever costume. Unfortunately, this was in 2000 and most of the attendees of the party were fellow ex-co-workers from a dotcom that had gone bust a few weeks before. Awkward.

When I was about 11 or 12 I decided to make my own costume. I was a zit. Red paint to exposed skin, pillows and a sheet to make me nice and round and a sign that said "squeeze me, I'm a zit!" Mouth preloaded with marshmallow creme and you could really pop me. I was a geeky litte dude, no question.

The year was 1987, I was 12 years old and wanted to be a punk rocker for Halloween. I found a kick ass purple spikey wig that I begged my mum to let me buy. She was agreeable. I wasn't allowed to wear make up but for my punk rocker outfit I was given the green light. I went all out. My mum didn't wear make up so I was forced to buy that cheap stuff from the dollar store because that's all I could afford with my allowance after the purchase of the kickass purple wig. I got myself all gussied up with my cheap dollar store make up, applying the bright blue eye makeup and the blood red lipstick just how it looked like on all the punk rockers on MTV. I put on my shortest skirt (still well below my knees), my sparkliest tank top, my black shiny nylons and my ankle boots.

Left my room and walked into the living room where my uncle, who had happened to drop by, took one look at me and said to my mother, "Jesus Christ Ann, when did you let Kelly become a hooker?"

My mum laughed so hard she almost wet her pants while my uncle stood there with a smirk on his rotten face. I didn't have a clue what a hooker was but I just knew by the way my mum was blushing and laughing and that awful smirk on my uncle's face that it was something awful. I fled back to the safety of my bedroom; face hot and red, holding back tears and snagging my nylons in the process.

Eventually I did go trick and treating but the night was ruined for me. I remember having this horrible, lingering feeling of shame and embarrassment about my costume, and not even knowing why.

Not mhy worse costume (there was that time I wore all white and completely dusted myself in flour and then it poured rain the entire time I was trick or treating) but definitely the most memorable costume. Afterall, who doesn't love a 12 year old hooker in a purple wig?

Worst costume ever? One year my brother decided to go as a fly strip. It seemed like a brilliant, easy to execute idea.White pants, white shirt, with raisins and currants glued to it (the yellow glue doing a pretty good impression of bug guts) and dabs of red here and there.It was so convincing that no one wanted to sit near him all night, most especially the hot babe dressed in black and gold glitter that he was desperate to score with.

When I was 5 or 6, I was Wonder Woman. My mother made me put balloons in my shirt b/c Linda Carter was well endowed. Back then I was too little to know about Child Protective Services...
When I was about 9 or 10 I was very into soap operas, for some reason. On one soap there was this fictional character called Ruby Bright. It was actually the alter ego of another character on the show, I think...so it wasn't even a real character. I don't remember much about her except that she wore stuff that reminded me of gypsy type clothing. Anyway...that year I went as Ruby Bright. Nobody knew what the hell that was.
I do remember the school parades, though, that was always my favorite. I used to feel REALLY sorry for the one kid in my class who was never allowed to participate for religious reasons or something, and had to sit in the classroom by himself.
Remember those old horrible 80s costumes that basically consisted of a plastic smock and a terrible plastic mask of whatever you were supposed to be? There were always lots of kids at school in those classic eyesores.
My favorite costume as a kid has to be Jem. I reprised that this year.

We lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere, and my dad didn't think trick-or-treating was cool, so I never went as a kid. But, I still wanted to dress up. So I'd either end up with the plastic beauty-shop-smock-type costume with the horrid plastic mask, or my older sister would dress me as some version of a whore/doll. Then, I would take my sad little trick-or-treat bag out on our front steps, and knock on my own front door to have my own mother open up, act surprised, and hand me candy. Repeat 3 or 4 times, and there you have my childhood Halloween experiences. Oh, and we never carved a pumpkin. I had a basketball with a jack'o lantern face drawn on it. I still have it.

But, one year when I was in jr. high, my mom and I dressed up for a church Halloween party....as aliens. We wore brown garbage bags, with knee-high hose over our heads (like robbers) and homemade deely-bopper antennas, and rubber gloves. I have photos.

When I was 9 I went to the school hallowe'en fancy dress contest as Dick Turpin. I didn't win but that didn't bother me in the slightest: I knew I was the baddest looking bad-ass in the fucking room.

Robert Scott, your costume reminded me of high school. I was (am) a drama geek, and our Homecoming theme my freshman year was "Trapped in Paradise". For our float, we used PVC pipe to build two giant squares, and then strung giant black dots across the front of them. We were all inside, miming attempted escapes.

WE thought it was funny...

Hmm, two years ago my corporate office encouraged people to dress up for potential prizes. I figured going "goth" was easiest, plus I could use it as an excuse to brood and ignore people. Score. Well, the only black wig I could afford find was bushy and awful. Think Hagrid shaped. ::shudder:: Did that stop me? Nope. And I got some of those faux lip piercings and wore dark make-up.

I maintain that if it weren't for the horrible wig, it would have looked kind of cool. But everyone else wore NORMAL EFFING CLOTHES, and then 10 minutes before the "party" they threw on something weird and semi-humorous. The guy that won wore a suit and carried a briefcase and wore sunglasses. When he took them off, he had on red contacts. He won, and I had to sit in my cubicle looking stupid all day.

I blew my cover.
---
So he only had, like, $20 on him?

In my 20's went as Fred Flintstone (Yabba Dabba) and won a prize, wife was Wilma.

But the best by far was dressing as Elvis, people want to take their picture with you, crowds will bow in awe at "The King"...awesome! Wife was a Las Vegas White Tiger (and her costume had inside pockets for beers!).

However, at 3am, driving home after 10+ Jello Shots and unknown amounts of Tequila, and getting pulled over by the police for making a U-turn (had just moved to the DC area) while dressed as Elvis was a different experience. They must have put out a radio announcement as suddenly 10 cars were lined up behind us.

A female officer came up to my wife's door and noticed her tail was hanging out the door and said "Kitty, your tail is stuck in the door!"

My wife, seriously smashed, opened the door, and wrung the water out of the tail.

The male officer on my side couldn't stop laughing, and then handed me a breathalyzer and said "Blow into this for me King"...

I don't know why, but I blew under 0.8%, and to everyone's amazement they had to let us go (as they had pulled us over without cause)...

True story, I have pictures :)

My sister & I did ballet for years, and since ballet costumes are expensive, and my parents are cheap, they often doubled as Halloween costumes as well. We would just say we were ice skaters, or princesses or whatever. Unfortunately, where we live, it can be 80 degrees out one Halloween and 40 degrees the next, so sometimes we were princesses in tutus and sweatpants.

Two years ago I was Assasinated Sarah Palin for Halloween. I won two costume contests. It was my magnum opus and I will never be able to top the awesomeness that was that costume. It made for a very polarizing night. Here's a picture of me and the runner up:

http://picasaweb.google.com/baboocole/Halloween2008#5264611177954320338

I went to Catholic grade school. The school allowed only the first graders to dress up and the first graders paraded around school and over to the nursing home attached to the church. Major caveat, first graders had to dress up as saints. My mother certainly appreciated having to come up with a St. Catherine of Siena costume in addition to the Ninja Turtle costume I wanted to wear that night.

When we were about 10-years-old my friend and I decided to go as flowers. Doesn't seem so bad until you realize we thought wearing ballet tutus on our heads (the petals) would achieve the proper effect. It didn't. No one knew what we were. We also wore paper streamers on our bodies (the leaves). Our costumes disintegrated througout the night and the next spring, when the snow melted we found bits of green streamer paper all over the neighbourhood. Ahh, those were the days, when it still snowed in October.

Second worst Halloween was actually a perfectly good costume: Anne of Green Gables. The only problem is that I was about 14-years-old and was nearly 5'10" so people thought I was an adult still trick-or-treating. Quite humiliating.

My brother actually did keep on trick-or-treating well until adulthood. He and his friends wore the same costume every year: An elephant made out of a grey blanket thrown over a sled. (With head made out of duct tape.) Since no one was visible under the sled, no one knew how old the people inside it were. Although, when you wear the same thing year after year, your neighbours do tend to catch on. Eventually they decided to patrol the neighbourhood in the elephant giving out candy rather than taking it.

"In 7th grade I went as a geisha. I was also fat and it was my first foray into heavy makeup. I looked like a culturally insensitive transvestite."

Erin S., I am crying with laughter.

dammitjanet:

I was shocked that I did not see any other Sarah Palin's that year, especially since Madison is such a liberal city. I was also surprised by how many people I genuinely offended with my costume. Damn conservatives can't take a jokey death threat.

@ "luker" the barbarian & baboocole...go back and read my comments.

I live in south-east Indiana. That should explain pretty much everything.

They are a bunch of DUMB DUMB HEADS.

New license plate slogan: Hoosier daddy? Some DUMB DUMB HEAD

My mom likes to sew, so I've gotten the chance to get some pretty sweet costumes. I dressed up as Rose from Titanic in 97, and last year she made me a spot on Jem costume, which was awesome.

In reference to the diversion, though, one year I found this awesome plaid skirt at a thrift store and decided to dress up as a Heather. I got a blazer and blouse and gave myself big hair and carried around a croquet mallet, and half the people at my party still didn't get it. Sad.

And that is how you do NOT use italics. Or the English language. Fail.

Halloweening in Illinois can be iffy weatherwise. Sometimes it's 80 degrees, other times it's 20 below.

One of the particularly chilly years, I bought a unicorn outfit for my daughter that also doubled as a coat. She was nice and toasty and cute.

We were trick or treating with my sister in law who was 8 months pregnant and had a hard time seeing the ground in front of her. Walking up a neighbhors sidewalk, my SIL stepped on the the tail of the little unicorn who promptly did a face plant on the sidewalk.

She was on the sidewalk crying, we were on the sidewalk crying with laughter trying not to pee our pants. Cruel but funny. The image still makes me chuckle.

I love Halloween! I have a reputation for amazing costumes, the most legendary being my junior year of high school choice: Samara (from The Ring). I slicked my long brown hair with enough gel to keep it looking wet all day, wore a white shirt with long, long sleeves and the underneath froofing slip thing from my mom's wedding dress. I had brown clogs that forced me to shuffle all day. In the parking lot before school my friend Leah met me with her extensive array of stage make-up to add the perfect finishing touch. Not everyone understood who I was, but I was so terrifying, that they cut a wide path around me at all times. One of my friends actually ran off sobbing and refused to return to the same class as me. The mood of each room would palpably shift as I entered (slightly late for effect, of course) kind of like what people describe with ghost encounters. I felt like the queen of the (nether)world. Being evil is EXHILARATING.

When I was 9 or 10 I went as Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. The costume itself - the package of the candy - was awesome. I even crinkled. My downfall came when I decided to write "Reese's" on my face to compliment the ensemble. Because I ALWAYS wanted to wear make-up for Halloween. ALWAYS. Everyone was too busy to help, so I did it myself for the first time, in the bathroom mirror. My sisters let me walk around all night with backwards Reese's scrawled across my face without saying anything. Thanks, guys, really, I appreciated that generous dose of crushing shame at night's end.

In kindergarten I went as a pumpkin. My mom stuffed the costume with so many pillows that I was actually round. I couldn't fit in my desk, wear a seat belt in the car, or put my arms down. I could, however, pull my head inside the costume so that only the stem and hat stuck out. I was also coming down with the flu and thus totally listless. It was the most adorable and pathetic thing ever.

Oh, and in 7th grade, I wanted to be goth for Halloween but waited too long to decide, so the only major chain store in town had sold out of black hair dye and wigs. I, being incredibly resourceful, streaked my hair with black lipstick instead. The greasiness. Oh GOD the unyielding, unwashable greasiness.