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What Movie or Television Character's Name Do You Wish You Had?

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (169)

boner.JPG

For reasons that I’m not currently at liberty to say, our regular insanely ramble-some and spectacular pint of firecracker, Sarah Larson, isn’t here this week to offer up the mid-week comment diversion. Let’s just say: When she returns, she’s going to have one hell of a story to share. It’ll probably start in one place and end in a completely different and unexpected place, just as her comment diversions do, but it’ll no doubt blow your sock strings out. I can’t wait for her to get back and share it.

In the meantime, I’ll offer up a comment diversion from Scorzi, who asks: “What movie/tv character’s name do you wish you had and why?”

Scorzi has “always been partial to Smokey Lonesome from Fried Green Tomatoes just because it’s fun to say. It sounds like an organic brand of barbecue sauce put out by Sam Shepard.”

She also insists that The Dude not be used, as it’s too obvious.

I’m picking Boner from “Growing Pains.” (RIP Andrew Koenig.)









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Comments

I, for one, CANNOT WAIT for the Larson to return.

I pick, 'The Pikey' from Snatch.

Posted by: replica at June 2, 2010 4:03 PM

Big, bald black guy? Obviously, I long to be called A Man Called Hawk. Not "Hawk." A Man Called Hawk.

$100 says admin claims A Pimp Named Slickback.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 2, 2010 4:03 PM

I'm gonna go with Chocolate Giddy-Up from Black Dynamite. Because I would cackle with glee every time someone called my name. Plus, I'm assuming that by name alone I would inherit some sort of pony.

Is Sarah really a firecracker? I think she's more of a sparkler. Because she loves Twilight so much.

Posted by: Julie at June 2, 2010 4:05 PM

The one, the only: so perfect that everyone wants to pick it, I see it all over other websites too:

Anastasia Beaverhausen

Posted by: MM at June 2, 2010 4:06 PM

I'll be Cagney, Dustin can be Lacey. I don't really remember much about the show besides the name, so I don't have a very good reason, other than how cool it'd be to fight crime (or whateverthehell those chicks did) with D-Rowles as my partner. I'd be the tough one. Obviously.

And, Sarina, dear? Give 'em hell.

Posted by: Kolby at June 2, 2010 4:07 PM

Foxy Brown

Posted by: stopthemadness at June 2, 2010 4:07 PM

Stathis Borans or Seth Brundle. I cannot decide which character name I should take. I'm leaning towards Stathis because of my one limb fewer than normal status. (not true)

They're just cool sounding.

Posted by: Pausner at June 2, 2010 4:09 PM

Wonder how many will say The Dude...

Mine are:

Keyser Soze
Rufus T Firefly
Frank N Furter
Lacey Underall

How could I pick just one?

Posted by: Amanda at June 2, 2010 4:10 PM

Does it have to be a character? Can it just be an actor? Because I think there has never been a prettier name than Evangeline Lilly. It's perfect.

Posted by: Scully at June 2, 2010 4:12 PM

I've got to go a little old school and say: Maynard G. Krebs. I don't know why, but I've always loved that name. Plus the G stands for Walter.

Posted by: phaedawg at June 2, 2010 4:12 PM

Well if "The Dude" is banned then "The Doctor" and "The Master" should be also.

Posted by: PaddyDog at June 2, 2010 4:13 PM

Harriet the Spy. Or Enid (from Ghost World... did she have a last name?). I just like the name Enid.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 4:13 PM

Or Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And I wouldn't answer to anyone who just called me Buffy, either.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 4:15 PM

Snake Plissken

Posted by: zapkrafty at June 2, 2010 4:16 PM

Biggus Dickus III

Posted by: peanut at June 2, 2010 4:16 PM

Baynis.

That's a good name, right guys?

Posted by: Michael Bay at June 2, 2010 4:18 PM

Captain Jack Harkness,

What? It has a nice ring to it...

Posted by: PaleoLithchick at June 2, 2010 4:18 PM

Yea! You picked my topic! I feel like I'm Student of the Month in elementary school :-)

Posted by: scorzi at June 2, 2010 4:21 PM

Or Nomi Malone.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 4:22 PM

I would respond favorably to being called Princess Buttercup. Why? Why not, I say!

Posted by: Katers at June 2, 2010 4:23 PM

Pussy Galore.
{oh come ON! You all knew I was going there.}

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at June 2, 2010 4:23 PM

Mrs. Chanandler Bong

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 4:23 PM

Does it have to be a character? Can it just be an actor? Because I think there has never been a prettier name than Evangeline Lilly

It kind of is a character - that's not her real name.

I'd be Dr. Frank N. Furter.

But what really matters is that Sarina hurry back.

Posted by: Cindy at June 2, 2010 4:23 PM

If I was male, it would no doubt be Carl Hanraddy, just because I love how Tom Hanks pronounces it at the beginning with that accent: "Caaahl Haanraaadee."

But being a female,I guess I can settle for Donna Quintano.

Posted by: shamong at June 2, 2010 4:23 PM

Mrs. Jim Halpert. HAHAHAHA! Just kidding! I think.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 2, 2010 4:24 PM

Nomi Malone! I love you, AvB

But in all seriousness I love the name Margaret Dashwood from Sense and Sensibility.

From TV: Maeby Funke.

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 4:25 PM

I would love to be Trillian. Or even Zephod really. I already go around saying "Zaphod's just zis guy, you know?" and if I was called Zaphod myself it would add a huge amount of silly-awesome narcissism.

Posted by: king at June 2, 2010 4:25 PM

Max Power. Game, set and match.

Well, actually, I think Busty St. Clair beats it, but I don't have the rack to pull that off.

Posted by: Robert at June 2, 2010 4:26 PM

Big, bald black guy?

Tracer, I would have thought Shaft was the OBVIOUS choice.
He's a Baaaad mother....

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at June 2, 2010 4:26 PM

Well, actually, I think Busty St. Clair beats it, but I don't have the rack to pull that off.

That's only because you're not trying hard enough Robert.

Posted by: Julie at June 2, 2010 4:27 PM

Jack Burton

Failing that...

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr

Posted by: TK at June 2, 2010 4:28 PM

True story: Boner WAS my high school nickname. No joke. It started with my friend who called me "Bony" as a riff off my name (Bonnie), which then changed to Boner by another girl in my graduating class. So, um, yeah...not picking that name.

I've been partial to the name Veronica Mars, myself.

Posted by: bonnie at June 2, 2010 4:28 PM

Seriously though, Verona De Tessant is a lovely name.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 2, 2010 4:29 PM

If I were a man, I'd take Buck Turgidson.

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 4:29 PM

Clarence Boddicker is the most badass name ever. It totally says, "Laugh at the name 'Clarence' and you will find a shotgun lodged in your ass."

Posted by: Todd at June 2, 2010 4:35 PM

Leeloo Dallas, of course.

Is there any other choice?

Posted by: stardust at June 2, 2010 4:38 PM

Max Power.

HAHAHAHAHAH! Nice. Excellent choice, Robert.

If I were a dude, I'd probably go with Big McLargehuge. Or maybe Travis Bickle.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 4:38 PM

Oooh ooh I know! Ulysses Everett McGill. Best name of all time.

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 4:38 PM

It kind of is a character - that's not her real name.

According to the obviously always correct wikipedia her name is Nicole Evangeline Lilly, so it's not like she pulled it out of a hat...

Posted by: Carrie at June 2, 2010 4:39 PM

Walter Eckland - Cool name, in my opinion. Besides, chilling on my own boat in Australian waters would be terrific.

Old Scratch - It's cool and it's evil.

I always wanted a cool nickname like the guys in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels... Soap, Bacon, Hatchet Harry, Big Chris.

Posted by: lubeg at June 2, 2010 4:39 PM

Awww, or Rose Tyler. I totally wanna be Rose Tyler.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 4:39 PM

I bet Sarina would pick Laura Ingalls. But DEFINITELY NOT Sylvia.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 4:40 PM

On second thought
Jean Baptist Emanuel Zorg or Rabbit

Posted by: peanut at June 2, 2010 4:44 PM

Boy-Bob Loblaw (book slams closed), or Damon Salvatore
Girl-Maybe Sookie Stackhouse or Amelie Poulain. Or Hermione Granger or Margot Tenenbaum

Posted by: futuredirect at June 2, 2010 4:44 PM

Anne Uumellmahaye

You know, spelled just the way it sounds.

Posted by: Reina at June 2, 2010 4:44 PM

Oh! And Mr. Orange. Any Tarantino character!

Posted by: futuredirect at June 2, 2010 4:46 PM

Remy.

Cheetarah


Yeah.... Cheetarah

Posted by: Nadine at June 2, 2010 4:46 PM

Chesty LaRue or maybe Trinity...

Posted by: Tammers at June 2, 2010 4:47 PM

Actually, I am going to have to amend my previous statement, and say Clarence or Alabama Worley are also pretty sweet.

Posted by: Reina at June 2, 2010 4:48 PM

I would be Bridget Gregory from The Last Seduction or Wendy Kroy which is what she went by at the end of the movie. Anyway, she was one motherfuckin', nasty woman.

Posted by: Jadine at June 2, 2010 4:48 PM

Mrs. Nick Charles because then my husband would be William Powell.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 2, 2010 4:50 PM

I was going to go with Alabama Worley too, but I just couldn't, because, well, I just kind of felt disrespectful towards our own Alabama Pink.

Posted by: Jadine at June 2, 2010 4:50 PM

This is off topic, but I just saw what must be one of the best
headlines ever at the Huffington Post:

Sword-Wielding Porn Star Kills Colleague

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at June 2, 2010 4:57 PM

Chev Chelios. Bad ass.

Posted by: Helena at June 2, 2010 4:58 PM

Reina - I've always assumed that it was spelled Uhmelmahaye. Now I must go to IMDb and find out the true spelling.

Posted by: tamatha at June 2, 2010 4:59 PM

The Creeper from Dolomite.
The shooting-up-heroin scene is either A) an Academy Award winning performance ; or B) a man shooting up heroin. Either way, it is cinema gold.

Posted by: superasente at June 2, 2010 5:01 PM

Mine would be Scout Finch. However, one of my favorites from a movie/book/real life is "Alexander Supertramp" from Into the Wild fame. What an awesome alias.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at June 2, 2010 5:07 PM

Leeloo Dallas!

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 5:08 PM

I want to be The Doctor.
Or if I can't be that, Tristan Farnum.

Shit, I'm a woman. Do I have to pick a female name?

Posted by: BWeaves at June 2, 2010 5:10 PM

Gen. Jack D. Ripper, because women sense my power and are attracted to it. But I deny them my essence.

Or maybe Bushido Brown.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 2, 2010 5:10 PM

I actually was named after a tv character, hence my Pajiba name. And I love it and wouldn't change it!

Posted by: bionic woman at June 2, 2010 5:12 PM

STEVE HOLT!

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at June 2, 2010 5:15 PM

Jeremy: MARRY ME!

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 5:16 PM

Girl: Gunilla Garson Goldberg (First Wives Club)
Boy: Connor MacManus (Boondock Saints)

Posted by: Siege at June 2, 2010 5:21 PM

Chester Copperpot FTW.

With a close second to Chest Rockwell. I love chests.

Posted by: logar at June 2, 2010 5:24 PM

Gotta go with Zoidberg

Posted by: Cree83 at June 2, 2010 5:30 PM

Dr. Leo Spaceman. Long live the space man.

Posted by: Dulli at June 2, 2010 5:58 PM

Tristan Farnum.
Posted by: BWeaves at June 2, 2010 5:10 PM

What from All Creatures Great and Small?

Posted by: peanut at June 2, 2010 5:59 PM

I'm actually ashamed of you guys for not picking this first.
I will be Prince Humperdinck.
And if I can't have that, I will be Inigo Montoya.
If all else fails, I will be a Rodent of Unusual Size.

That is all.

Posted by: A-schaef at June 2, 2010 5:59 PM

Olive Snook. From Pushing Daisies. It's just a good name. It has a nice ring to it.

Posted by: esme at June 2, 2010 6:00 PM

(Figgy you can't set me up like this)
Actually it's MISS Chanandler Bong.
I'd want to be Bob Loblaw but that's already taken so I'll have to be Hoban Washburne.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 2, 2010 6:05 PM

Harry Lime. I like to give off an air of mystery.

Posted by: Nate at June 2, 2010 6:08 PM

McLovin.
Or The Piemaker.

Posted by: lainiefig at June 2, 2010 6:10 PM

Joanie Stubbs.
Harley Quinn.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 2, 2010 6:11 PM

Awww, Olive Snook! That's a great name.

P.S. @ MM, I had that originally, but it turned out Snuggiepants the Deathbringer also had it! So, at first we were going to jello wrestle to the death, but then we just got new names.

Posted by: Anna von Beaversmack at June 2, 2010 6:15 PM

Pinky, I'm disappointed you didn't go with Kwannon. Though I suppose she's not a tv character.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at June 2, 2010 6:20 PM

While Zaphod is the epitomy of coolness, you can't beat the quiet dusty dignity of

Slartibartfast.

Posted by: Capn Gravy at June 2, 2010 6:21 PM

Bob Lee Swagger.

Posted by: Mattfactor at June 2, 2010 6:21 PM

If I were a smelly pirate hooker, I'd go with Veronica Corningstone.

Posted by: logar at June 2, 2010 6:28 PM

Right, AvB, that's what I was referring to. Anastasia Beaverhausen is THE perfect on-line pseudo alias, so much so that everybody wants it. But everybody can't hide behind the Beaverhausen, because then nobody knows who's who.

I also see the Beaverhausen as a commenter name on many other websites (and I'm pretty sure it's not anyone from 'round here).

And before you all get carried away, I ain't talkin' about all the pron websites I'm on. I'm talking about shit like Apartment Therapy. That kind of thing.

Posted by: MM at June 2, 2010 6:29 PM

Crash Davis.
Or Turd Ferguson.

Posted by: Spender at June 2, 2010 6:31 PM

Ooh, I thought of another one. Die Fledermaus from The Tick. Hee.

Posted by: lainiefig at June 2, 2010 6:32 PM

Well, I dunno if this really counts but I would answer to any of the following:

Bolt Vanderhuge
Punch Rockgroin
Big McLargehuge
Hack Blowfist
Slab Bulkhead

Posted by: VentureSister at June 2, 2010 6:32 PM

I always liked how everybody would call Veronica Mars by her full name. Dick Casablancas is another good one.
I'd also love to be a Dr. Jan Itor

Posted by: Margrete at June 2, 2010 6:44 PM

Also, I would like to simply be known as "The Kickpuncher."

Posted by: logar at June 2, 2010 6:46 PM

Kaywinnit Lee Frye.
It's just so... perfect for her.

Or Plenty O'Toole. For those days when I feel like I'm a chick with a dick. (That's never actually happened, but I might, if I were called that...)

Posted by: Tarn at June 2, 2010 6:49 PM

"The Gimp"

From Pulp Fiction.

Posted by: Pookie at June 2, 2010 6:51 PM

But, OR, I'm a married lady. So it HAS to be Mrs.

Posted by: figgy at June 2, 2010 6:52 PM

Yeah, figgy can choose her own prefix. (And anyway I thought it was Ms. not Miss.)

Posted by: lainiefig at June 2, 2010 6:57 PM

"A Pimp Named Slickback" - the Boondocks. And no, I won't answer to just "Slickback". You have to say the whole thing!

Posted by: Maria at June 2, 2010 7:08 PM

Bender - just so I can tell all you meat bags to bite my shiny metal ass.

Posted by: Uncle JR at June 2, 2010 7:13 PM

Got to thinking about the Mighty Boosh, so...

Smokey Joe
Precious Lily White

Posted by: Vince Noir at June 2, 2010 7:23 PM

Oh, and Bob Loblaw Attorney at Law

Posted by: Vince Noir at June 2, 2010 7:24 PM

Adebisi and I would wear a hat on the side of my head and shower shoes and socks too!

Posted by: blacksred at June 2, 2010 7:31 PM

Jason Bourne.

Or Ford Prefect. Maybe switch off. Bourne MWF, Ford Prefect TThSa. Sundays I'll be Doogie Howser.

Posted by: Ryan at June 2, 2010 7:36 PM

Either Corky St. Claire or Escapade.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at June 2, 2010 7:38 PM

Does Chad Farthouse count?

I love you Zac Galifianakis.

Posted by: Kiddo at June 2, 2010 7:38 PM

The actor who played "Faceman" on the A-Team: Dirk Benedict.

Other options:
Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks
Hercules Rockefeller from the Max Power episode of the Simpsons.
Tony Orlando

Posted by: Tanner at June 2, 2010 7:55 PM

Princess Consuela Bananahammock.

Posted by: Janey at June 2, 2010 8:00 PM

Indigo Montoya. My name is Indigo Montoya.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at June 2, 2010 8:03 PM

Seth Bullock is badass.

Posted by: smaj at June 2, 2010 8:15 PM

Truffles from Chowder

That would make Mr Smith Mung Daal.

Posted by: Mrs Smith at June 2, 2010 8:26 PM

I have a comment diversion suggestion...

We talk a lot about finding role models with our kids lately, looking up to someone for being exceptionally good or talented, wanting to be like someone they admire, etc.

How about role models from books, films or television, but not just good ones, bad ones too?

Posted by: Mrs Smith at June 2, 2010 8:34 PM

Lucas McCain...the Rifleman!

Posted by: OldGuy at June 2, 2010 8:38 PM

Hey, as long as we're throwing out comment suggestions, I have one. It might have already been done but I'm too lazy to look: Worst Sex You Ever Had. I know Jezebel just did a thing on that but I think Pajibaland could bring so much to this idea.

Posted by: VentureSister at June 2, 2010 8:41 PM

I'm late to the party, but whew! Doesn't look like anyone's taken my choice. I want to be Chuck Charles! Or Amelia Pond because it's so fairy tale-like. Or Scout Finch. I love boy names for girls.

OR OR OR OOH OH Can I be Anathema Device?

Why has no one claimed Humbert Humbert yet?

Posted by: Charlie Dia at June 2, 2010 8:45 PM

McBain

Posted by: Mr Pink at June 2, 2010 8:51 PM

Scrotum Phillips.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at June 2, 2010 9:04 PM

Max Power. (I got it from a hair dryer.)

Otherwise, I'm partial to the one-name guys.

Reacher.
Spenser.
Hawk.
Worf.

Posted by: The Mutt at June 2, 2010 9:05 PM

Apparently no one has dropped this one, yet, even though it's painfully obvious from the front page;

Bear Grylls

Posted by: D-Day at June 2, 2010 9:06 PM

Supportra or Chad Sexington

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at June 2, 2010 9:14 PM

Ha! I so wanted someone to say Corky St. Clair!

Posted by: figgy aka Mrs Chanandler Bong at June 2, 2010 9:14 PM

Regina Phalange. PHALANGE.

Posted by: figgy aka Mrs Chanandler Bong at June 2, 2010 9:17 PM

The obvious choice is:

Gristle McThornbody

Posted by: Omac9 at June 2, 2010 9:26 PM

Crash Davis.
Or Turd Ferguson.

Posted by: Spender at June 2, 2010 6:31 PM

For those of you keeping score at home, Spender is in the lead.

I'd like to add Brian Fantana.

Posted by: Coltrane at June 2, 2010 9:34 PM

Walter Sobchak.
Rollo Tamasi.

Posted by: Coltrane at June 2, 2010 9:47 PM

Crap Bag!

If you have a hard time remembering it, just picture a big bag of crap.

Posted by: vikky at June 2, 2010 9:48 PM

Ash.


Housewares.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at June 2, 2010 9:57 PM

I'm going with Porter.

Zod was a very close second.

Posted by: strife at June 2, 2010 10:04 PM

mrs. chanandler bong is HIGHlarious.

Posted by: stopthemadness at June 2, 2010 10:06 PM

If I were a penis-having creature, I'd go with Bob Loblaw.

Posted by: stopthemadness at June 2, 2010 10:06 PM

::must read comments before posting::

Posted by: stopthemadness at June 2, 2010 10:07 PM

Indigo Montoya. My name is Indigo Montoya.

Better - Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. In fact, I want my name to be the whole line: "His name is Robert Paulson." There's a whole "Who's On First?" routine in there.

Or Johnny Dangerously. That's still funny every time. OK, I want all three ...

- Odd numbered days my name is "My name is Indigo Montoya."
- Even numbered days my name is "His name is Robert Paulson."
- Any day there's a grammar Nazi to annoy, my name is "Johnny Dangerously."

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at June 2, 2010 10:07 PM

For business, Lionel Hutz, Attorney-at-law.

After hours, I would be Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod (...and I am immortal).

Haha, all I can think of now is, 'Look, he's going back for another puff' and a draw full of smoking monkeys.

Posted by: Peter G at June 2, 2010 10:10 PM

Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster.
Sterling Archer.
Egon Spengler.
John Zoidberg.
Keith Talent.
Royal Tenenbaum.
Caine from Kung Fu. (You gotta say the whole thing. It's like A Tribe Called Quest!)
Graham Chapman.

Not all of those are from movies or TV, but I want them all.

Posted by: Kyle at June 2, 2010 10:23 PM

This is awesome.

I'm still going with Chad Farthouse.

Posted by: Kiddo at June 2, 2010 10:41 PM

Two greats from Heavy Metal:

Hanover Fist
Harry Canyon

the second one was hysterical as I was a 10 year-old at the time.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at June 2, 2010 10:55 PM

Ugh. I miss everything.

Zod
Mathilda
River Song
Zoe Washburne
Harley Quinn
Winifred Burkle (Fred)
Hit Girl
Lucious Fox
Anyong
Dr. Spaceman
Nikita
Oren Ishi

Posted by: jM at June 2, 2010 11:11 PM

Uda Bengt.

I'd nearly forgotten about Scrotum Phillips.

Posted by: Uda at June 2, 2010 11:18 PM

Carmichael. Charles Carmichael.

Posted by: logar at June 2, 2010 11:23 PM

Dirk Diggler/Brock Landers/Chest Rockwell ("Those are great names!")
Handsome Bob
Stringer Bell

Posted by: ivn at June 2, 2010 11:37 PM

forgot about Buck Swope and Colonel James...so many great names in Boogie Nights.

Posted by: ivn at June 2, 2010 11:39 PM

Easy- Daisy, Daisy Adair.

Otherwise I'll stick with something a little more classic. Like Animal Mother.

Posted by: Zippy at June 2, 2010 11:53 PM

ooh Daisy Adair is a great one.

I can't believe no one's said Wednesday Addams!

Posted by: figgy aka Mrs Chanandler Bong at June 3, 2010 12:05 AM

YAY LATE NIGHT IDEAS;

Spike Spiegel
Jet Black
Duo Maxwell
Ted "Theodore" Logan
Hacksaw Jim Duggan--HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Rokurota Makabe
And my own made up character for myself that's Mal's younger brother who gets stuck running and defending the ranch, and then has to go track Mal down, then they both get attacked in a shootout before the bad guy says "Mr. Reynolds!" and they both say "What?" and then thats the big "brothers OMG" reveal.

I named him Bienjamin. (GET IT! MAL! BIEN! C'MON PEOPLE!)

Posted by: D-Day at June 3, 2010 12:39 AM

Dr Marlena Evans.

Posted by: HopeHope at June 3, 2010 1:57 AM

Wash

Posted by: sailboat at June 3, 2010 2:05 AM

The Baumer

if i had a vagina - River Tam

Posted by: gilp at June 3, 2010 2:43 AM

Well, I love the way Isildur just rolls of the tongue. Its the whole Tolkien cellar door thing. Props also to anyone who choose: River Song, Leeloo, and Oren Ishii. Great sounding names and great characters.

But my top choice should be pretty obvious: Morgan le Fay, though I choose to spell it differently.


Posted by: Morgan LaFai at June 3, 2010 3:38 AM

If I were a man:
Bear Grylls
The Dread Pirate Roberts
Donnie Darko
Montgomery Montgomery (Series of Unfortunate Events... Shush)
The Doctor
Captain Jack Sparrow
Forrest, Forrest Gump
Al Swearengen

As I happen to be a lady:
Sookie Stackhouse
STELLLAAAAAAAA!
Blanche Dubois
Holly Golightly
Bridgit Von Hammersmack
Clariiiiiice

Posted by: Camilla at June 3, 2010 4:13 AM

Indigo Montoya. My name is Indigo Montoya.

Haha!
"Halo. My name is Indigo Montoya. Prepare to be dyed."

Yeah... so, anyway...

I'd probably go with Mikkelsen's character from King Arthur, Tristram.
Then I could have my own poignant theme music from my favorite video game series.

Posted by: Rykker at June 3, 2010 5:10 AM

Shooter McGavin
Optimus Prime
James "Logan" Howlett
Peter Parker
Ken Adams
Thomas Crown

Posted by: Coltrane at June 3, 2010 7:25 AM

Suzanne Sugarbaker
Karen Delaney St.Croix Popeil Finster Walker
Shu Shu Fontana
Blair Waldorf
Serena van der Woodsen
Cecily von Ziegesar
Cagney and or Lacey
Kendall Casablancas
Pheobe/Ursula Buffay
Helena Handbasket
Harley Quinn
Janice Litman Goralnik (née Hosenstein) I love the way this just rolls off the tongue
Starla Grant

Bear Grylls
Clarence Worley
Mr (insert colour)
Mr. Heckles
Smitty
Max Power
Inigo Montoya
Gunther
Grant Grant


I...went a little overboard I shall think of more later this is fun!

Posted by: Nieve 'The Threadkiller Queen' at June 3, 2010 7:41 AM

Was Psylocke ever on the X-Men cartoon? I'm going to say YES and go with Betsy Braddock/Psylocke. Or Kwannon/Revanche. However I get to have purple hair and big boobs.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 3, 2010 7:48 AM

And thanks for reminding me, Tracer.

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at June 3, 2010 7:49 AM

I like Veronica Corningstone (obviously) but whenever I make an online donation to something where they show the roster of contributors I usually choose one of these:
Tits McGee
Chesty LaRue
Busty St Clair
Hooty McBoob.

My favorite is Hooty McBoob.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at June 3, 2010 7:55 AM

Rory Gilmore.

Shut up.

Posted by: Kate at June 3, 2010 7:57 AM

Enema bag Jones

Posted by: pausner at June 3, 2010 8:11 AM

You know what other name I always liked? Pinky Tuscadero.

Posted by: Whorish Mouth at June 3, 2010 8:18 AM

Milhouse Van Houten. On the other hand, S. Squarepants would look fancy on business cards and whatnot.

Posted by: Michelle at June 3, 2010 8:20 AM

There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path...

Morpheus

Posted by: East Coast Ugly at June 3, 2010 8:28 AM

River Song and Kaywinnit Lee Frye are already taken, and so is Mrs. Nick Charles. So, here are a few:

Alotta Fagina
Zoe Washburn
Inara
Mary Kate Danaher
Lulu
Susan Vance
Tracy Lord
Rose Sayer
Frau Blucher
Katie McClintock

Charlie Allnut
Dudley
John Robie
C. Dexter Haven
Walter Fielding, Jr
Joe Banks
Sean Thornton
Mal Reynolds
Vernon T. Waldrip
Bugsy Malone

Posted by: dammitjanet at June 3, 2010 9:22 AM

Khaaaaannn!!!

if female - Chaka Khaaaannn!!!

Posted by: Tyzerman at June 3, 2010 10:29 AM

Aeryn Sun

Posted by: abijah at June 3, 2010 11:05 AM

Is that Rachel Maddow in the banner pic?

Posted by: EricD at June 3, 2010 11:17 AM

Haha! "Halo. My name is Indigo Montoya. Prepare to be dyed."

Well, somebody got it.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at June 3, 2010 11:24 AM

Skullduggery Pleasant. Or his arch nemesis: Nefarian Serpine.

Posted by: Soda at June 3, 2010 11:28 AM

I'd claim Wednesday Addams, but it seems too...obvious.

So it would have to be BrahBrah, or else General Disarray.

Posted by: Wednesday at June 3, 2010 11:40 AM

Sodapop Curtis!

Posted by: figgy aka Mrs Chanandler Bong at June 3, 2010 12:45 PM

I'd love any of the 70s/80s "man-of-action" character names from tv. As in:

Jim Rockford
Steve McGarrett
Steve Austin
Thomas Magnum
Michael Knight

They just scream out that you drive a cool car, are good in a fight, and despite your best efforts, constantly find yourself embroiled in exciting and dangerous situations, usually involving beautiful women.

Posted by: Jacktrade at June 3, 2010 12:50 PM

And... Philip Marlowe.
That's my final choice.

Posted by: Spender at June 3, 2010 3:30 PM

Xena: Warrior Princess

Posted by: Elfrieda at June 3, 2010 4:57 PM

Filliam H. Muffman.

Posted by: Becca at June 3, 2010 5:08 PM

Gretchen Weiners
Yvaine (Stardust)
Alexis Carrington
T-Pain

Posted by: Lola at June 3, 2010 8:03 PM

Gabriel Logan.

Posted by: Simon at June 3, 2010 9:48 PM

Kramer. Just ... Kramer.

Posted by: , at June 4, 2010 12:59 AM

... or maybe Rufus T. Firefly.

Posted by: , at June 4, 2010 1:00 AM

AHHHHHGHHHH! Rufus already taken.

OK, Thurston Howell III then.

Or maybe Maxwell Smart.

(And am I drunk or did no one select Tyler Durden?)

If I had a slit: Ripley.

Posted by: , at June 4, 2010 1:12 AM

Rudy Huxtable
Maggie the Cat
Sal Paradise
Carmen San Diego
Ephiphany Proudfoot
Sailor Fortune
Talulah
Jackie Brown
Arthur Fonzarelli
Chachi Arcola

Posted by: carmensandiego at June 5, 2010 3:41 AM