web
counter


What is the Craziest Google Autocomplete Result You Can Find?

By Dustin Rowles | Comment Diversions | June 13, 2012 | Comments ()


Screen Shot 2012-06-13 at 12.30.19 PM.png

Last night, after my wife had watched something on the DVR, she flipped to live television and the channel was on Comedy Central, presumably because that's where it stays after it records "The Daily Show." Anyway, "Tosh 2.0" was on, and my wife managed to watch it five full minutes before she uttered, "This guy is awful. I hate him." That's probably some sort of record.

During that five-minutes, however, there was a segment on Google's Autocomplete feature. That is, when you start to type in a word or phrase into the Google search bar, it will offer to fill in the rest of the word or phrase based on algorithm that accounts for popular searches on the search engine. So, for instance, if you type in "Is," the autocomplete feature will offer this as the third result: "Is Daniel Tosh gay?" If you type in "Is it bad" ... the autocomplete will offer this is a result, "Is it bad if your poop floats?"

Seriously.

Those two examples were offered by Tosh, and then he showed the one for "were there" and my wife and I were so skeptical -- surely this is a comedy bit, right? -- that we immediately picked up our phones and typed it in. Sure enough, it's just as Tosh had illustrated:

Screen Shot 2012-06-13 at 12.15.13 PM.png

That's what people search for on Google.

Anyway, for funsies on a slow humpday, I thought we'd try out a comment diversion on the new commenting system and have some fun with the autocomplete. Let's see who can come up with the most insane autocomplete search options. Just start to type in a word or phrase in your Google search bar, and tell us what the results are. Upvotes for your favorites.

I'll start: "We were" ... promised jetpacks.

Huh?




Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Because every time you do an angel does the Paul Rudd dance

Around the Web


"Bunheads" Review: Stars Hollow Gets a Ocean-Front Makeover and It Wears It Well | 11 Crappiest Movies of Paul Giamatti's Career





Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Green_Eggs_and_Hamster

    Full Disclosure, I went Incognito on google so my prior searches would not corrupt the results (I think),

    I Think I want.....
    ...to marry you
    ...to die
    ...to divorce

    I just can't help think it's Google listing the phases of some poor persons life....

  • BringTheStank

    My vagina..."smells like ammonia" is the second result. Gross.

  • bel

    why do... ghouls fall in love?
    sweden is... in which country?
    ... awesome
    british people... among the ugliest (pajiba disagrees)

  • Ender

    The first result for How Near... is "how near is a written constitution" :D

  • caswak

    I'll give a funny one and a sadly, offensive one...

    funny - "why does"...3rd result - why does everyone hate Nickelback?
    sad - "why do"....4th result - why do homosexuals exist?

  • kimk

    Was...
    -Hitler Jewish
    -Project X Real (note: weeping for humanity)
    -Abraham Lincoln gay

  • lelelily

    I think google is trying to hit on me..
    I wrote
    "how do I..."
    And it came up with:
    "how do I get you alone"

  • "How to tell...if your pregnant.
    .......if a guy is gay"

    Oh, people.

  • Pfft

    The first suggestion for "Can I eat" is "Can I eat my period?"

  • laylaness

    What did I "do to deserve this my Lord"
    "[I]saac Newton discover"
    "[I] miss pop wansel"

  • Syd

    Dinosaurs are... jesus ponies (#2)
    (oh fuck yes)

  • Salieri2

    Did your...
    ...mother come from ireland
    ...mother come from ireland lyrics
    ...first time hurt
    ...water break

    Well, ew.

  • Greer

    "I smell" ........ "I smell panties mix tape". Is that a thing?

  • Pierre Escargot

    We were promised jetpacks is the name of a band, Dustin.

  • katy

    The World...

    1)The worlds hardest game

    2)The world newspaper

    3)The world ends with you

    Damn straight it does!

    This is the most Pajiba fun I've had in a long time.

  • Xochitl Herrera Villarreal

    "Why" won't my parakeet eat my diarrhea? Although it's kind of old (2009ish) it still cracks me up

  • Monkeyboy

    Are r...
    1st answer: Are rocks and minerals alive
    Wow! It must be all those home schoolers.

  • nosio

    I tried it with my name. Nora is a:

    ...biblical name
    ...hero
    ...werewolf

  • Nicole_OCTV

    'Is it true that' resulted in 'Asians have small...' (it cut off after that, but I assume the missing word was apartments)

    The first result I got for 'Is it a sin' was 'to smoke weed'? Who knew so many stoners were so pious?

    Ha! I just typed 'i think i left my' and the first result was 'riding crop in the mortuary'. That has to be a reference to something, but whatever it is it made me laugh.

  • It's a Sherlock quote, and a rather cheeky one at that.

  • katethegreat
  • Pinky McLadybits

    "is taco a"
    ...Spanish word
    ...an English word
    ... atheist
    ...bad word in Spain

  • katethegreat
  • Bert_McGurt

    "What did t" rex taste like?

  • Raymond Luxury-Yacht

    A (Swedish) Google search for "why are" gave me these glorious results:

    "why are swedes so boring"
    "why are americans so stupid"
    "why are asians so good at everything"

  • BWeaves

    Why . . .

    is my poop green

    (I think I'll stop now.)

  • Globetrotta

    My job is...soda pressing.

  • wddrson

    do cats...
    first result: fart

  • L.O.V.E.

    "An application..."

    "... To date my daughter"

    What the fuck?

  • I'm not going to copy all of the results down here, but if you search "Why do conservatives" and then "Why do liberals" you get some funny contrasting results, almost entirely consisting of " Why do conservatives (or liberals) hate...whatever. For example: "Why do conservatives hate Obama" and "Why do liberals hate America".

  • I found that one a couple weeks ago when trying to figure out why some extreme conservatives have now taken to hating Abraham Lincoln, of all people.

  • Salieri2

    So did you find out?

  • Nothing sane. All about state's rights, burning the South, and the more racist "takin' away our slaves" anger. I noticed it on a right-wing cousin's Facebook page. He isn't quite far right enough to be an open Lincoln hater but some of his friends are.

  • Salieri2

    That astonishes me. I was assuming it was the gay thing.

  • betsy

    i effing love playing this game when i'm bored and/or need a laugh because my life consists of cleaning up the poop and pee of dogs who belong to wealthy assgoblins. sometimes i just need to giggle. my favorite so far that i plugged in months ago:

    how to:
    kiss
    get pregnant
    not be awkward
    hard boil eggs
    tie a tie
    get married in skyrim
    last longer in bed
    eat a mango
    jump higher

    awesome.

  • Not hilarious but mildly amusing:

    Who can
    - you marry in skyrim
    - it be now
    - play christian grey
    - beat the hulk

    I now have an "Who Can it Be Now" earworm.

  • mswas

    Dammit lainiefig, me too!

  • elevator music

    Why do women...

    ...need catheters

  • ellcoolj

    "Urine" gets in the #4 spot... Urine Specific Gravity... huh???

  • MissAmynae

    medical test for urinary tract infections. Also would be a great band name!

  • ellcoolj

    "Is Oceanic F"...light 815 real.... Duh yeah it is!

    I tried "Dustin Rowles is" but got nada...

  • anikitty

    why does everyone hate nickelback?
    why is my poop green?
    penis yeast infection
    cats are liquid [?????????????]
    dogs against romney
    can I catch a cold from my cat
    famous cannibals
    will i be forced to use timeline

  • Guest

    "cats are liquid" = fucking win.

  • Lucille II

    Typing in where:
    where's my refund
    where's my water
    where is chuck norris
    where's george

    A lot less disturbing that I thought. Where is Chuck Norris?

  • NGG

    "Looking for... Alaska"
    "Looking for ...group"
    "Looking for ...a woman like you"
    This stinks of Sarah Palin...look at the connections... Sarah P LIVES in Alaska, She is a member of a group ( the republicans) and in 2008 they needed a woman like her.

    Google has the stinch of conspiracy...*puts foot through computer monitor*... I'm going off the grid man! dont try to stop me...
    *jolted awake*
    I might want to find me a safe house the sticks of Kentucky.

  • NGG

    Damn... I meant IN the sticks of Kentucky... but thats actually a oxymoron because all of Kentucky is in the sticks.*ba-da-dum! Thank you, thank you...I'm here all week, tip your waitresses.
    (and since im a lurker you probably don't know this.. but I'm from Kentucky... So I can talk about that one-horse backwards ass state)

  • "was I..." ...drunk the entire relationship.

  • When will...

    the world end
    I die
    timeline be mandatory

    These are valid concerns.

  • lowercase_ryan

    can i "has cheeseburger" :-) ok I'm done

  • lowercase_ryan

    I have "no mouth and I must scream"

  • HMDK

    Yeah, that's pretty famous Harlan Ellison short story.
    Hell, they even made a great computer-game based on it.

  • Judge Holdenmynuts

    "do we" got me "do weightloss pills work?"
    and
    "do we have free will?" DEEEP!!!
    and #3 was
    "do westies shed"

    also, Mr Tosh is a very funny man. if you don't like him, your opinion is UNCORRECT.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I apologize but I can't and won't stop. Which I think means I don't really apologize.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Fat "sick and nearly dead"

  • lowercase_ryan

    omg....

    Shia "labeouf cannibal" 2nd return

  • lowercase_ryan

    dudes "night bandcamp" wtf??

  • lowercase_ryan

    what happens "in vegas" lol

  • lowercase_ryan

    what happens "in catching fire" "in mocking jay"

    fucking kids are soooo lazy

  • Julie Chase

    And Dustin-I have the same knee-jerk reaction towards Tosh. I find him so unfunny I almost go into spasms. The boy knows to watch it when I'm upstairs.

  • superasente

    Wife and I saw a TV spot in which he makes an abortion joke and immediately swore him off forever. Not because we don't like inappropriate humor (blackface marriage WHAT WHAT) but because he's just a little too douchey to manage.

  • Melody Be

    I also hate him the most. God he is a snide little prick if there ever was one.

  • celery

    It doesn't help the case for his assholery any that his default expression is a mixture of smugness and constipation.

  • Cree83

    The fourth result for "which animal..." is:

    "which animal has a lifespan closest to that of sheep"

    Awfully specific!

  • When I searched Google for "why aren't there", my three favorite results were "why aren't there snakes in Ireland?", "why aren't there basements in Texas", and "why aren't there dinosaurs in the Bible"? I daresay I struck comedic gold!

  • lowercase_ryan

    should I "stay or should I go lyrics"

    daaaaamnit, I was being productive and everything ARRRGHHH there goes my day

  • jM

    Why do...

    black people wear polo

    cities exist

    emo people cut themselves

    greek statues have small penises

    hipsters drink PBR

    juggalos like faygo

    kenyans run so fast

    leprechauns laugh when they run (FAVORITE!)

    no girls like me

    queefs happen

    ugly people exist

    writers write

    Wow.

  • lowercase_ryan

    HAHAHAHA

    Ryan is "gay song"

  • I typed in "he" and before I could hit the space bar, I got

    Chris Hemsworth
    Marianist healing
    Mark Sheppard
    Sober in the Cauldron (lovely blog, updated sporadically)
    and
    Grace Potter and the Nocturnals (listen to them!)

    I remember googling everything except the Marianist healers. I wonder what my browser is trying to tell me there. Except maybe to clear my history before playing this game.

  • Julie Chase

    HA!

    Ponies are...

    ...gay
    ...everywhere
    ...manlier than vampires
    ...not baby horses
    ...cancer

  • Julie Chase

    Sometimes I think
    ...I was born backwards
    ...that's so raven
    ...of killing myself (aw)

  • is it wrong

    Is it wrong
    ... to be gay
    ... to look at other women
    ... to SLEEP WITH YOUR SISTER
    I don't think I should click on that link at work.

  • Lindzgrl

    We were promised jetpacks is an awesome band!

  • Julie Chase

    Why does:

    ...my life suck
    ...my hair turn gray
    ...everyone hate Nickleback

  • Here are some gems from the German Google:

    Why am I so happy?
    Were there dragons?
    Is it dangerous to pass a truck shortly before a crossroad?

    ;)

  • Rooks

    Why did...
    the mushroom go to the party

    How can I ever...
    forget that inspector in the customs office

    From where...
    comes this hole

    Who are those...
    two people who shake hands in nokia phone start-up

    Why are Germans so...
    mean
    tall
    unfriendly

    Why are Americans...
    so stupid
    so fat
    so patriotic
    afraid of dragons

    Why are Canadians...
    afraid of the dark

    This game awakened my inner Sherlock. Must... investigate... now...
    Because really, why *did* the mushroom go to the party??

  • Bert_McGurt

    I assume it was because the mushroom was a jovial fungal individual.

  • lowercase_ryan

    the mushroom was the party silly

  • BAM

    "Has your mother..." sold her mangle.

  • mothyham

    "I’ll start: “We were” … promised jetpacks."
    Don't you mean "Janeane Garofolo will start?
    You fucking plagarizing asshole

  • You have no idea what's going on here, do you?

  • The first result for "We" is: we have always been at war with eastasia. Go literature!

  • Mitchell Hundred

    Doubleplus good.

  • lowercase_ryan

    shows up as we "are young" for me...

  • mothyham

    Dustin,
    your wife is an idiot.
    mothy

  • lowercase_ryan

    can I t"ake mucinex while pregnant"

    how many l"etters in the alphabet"

  • That second one just makes me sad.

  • lowercase_ryan

    seriously, I mean I would just count the letters on my fucking keyboard before I admitted that to google

  • "Do people..."

    ...fart in their sleep?
    ...still use MySpace?
    ...live in Antarctica?
    ...live in Greenland?

  • lowercase_ryan

    hell yes, in Mexico, yes, and yes

  • lowercase_ryan

    I had "two abortions"...
    I had ten "abortions"

    jesus...

  • "Why does" brings up a lot of questions about pee. "Why does... my pee smell bad?" "Why does... it burn when I pee?"

  • Jezzer

    Are you using Skitz's computer?

  • mswas

    Are you a Frank Zappa fan?

  • lowercase_ryan

    you know google is tailored specifically to each user right? I'm just saying...

  • Says the man getting pregnancy results.

  • lowercase_ryan

    obviously some slut broke into my office over the weekend and used my computer for the past 3 years

  • Junebug67

    I tried "I'm sad because" and got
    "I'm single"
    "I miss you"
    "I'm lonely"
    "I'm ugly"
    Now I'm gonna go cry.

  • intheyear2000

    the number 3 option for "what if" was "what if there was no google"

  • lowercase_ryan

    fuck bing

blog comments powered by Disqus





Follow Us





Viral Hits
Celebrity Facts

The Best TV & Movie Quotes

The Walking Dead

How I Met Your Mother

True Detective

Parks and Recreation

Cosmos

Hannibal

30 Practical Tips About the Horrors of Raising Children

25 Practical Tips About the Horrors of Raising Twins