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What If Bond Was One of Us? Name Your Equivalent Chick Pick

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (91)

akingston.jpg

Continuing in my series of “Just how-pissed-off-can-I-get-those-Daniel-Craig-Bond-fans,” I thought I’d pose another question/idea: Why haven’t we had a female Bond counterpart? And please don’t even mention Angelina Jolie. Codswallop! I simply cannot take her seriously as a spy. Wanted, Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Salt may have had their entertaining moments, but Jolie’s presence always snaps me out of the fantasy. The closest I’ve seen to a believable female film spy (off the top of my head) is Bridget Fonda in Point of No Return and no, I haven’t seen the French original, but I really should. (Whatever happened to Bridget? She was a decent actress…) Diana Rigg was über cool on the television side, but she had a partner and can’t be considered a Bond equivalent.

So let’s have at it and cast a dream Bond Woman. I’d want to see a woman with a fast wit, a physical presence that doesn’t look the same sideways as head-on (Jolie), one who can handle her gadgets, weapons, words and men with a keen, yet graceful ease. The first person who immediately came to mind was Alex Kingston, whose River Song has so impressed us. And really, she’s playing a variation on Bond. I’d like to see her dressed a little sleeker and tougher, with faster, wittier dialogue and a slew of men at her service. But, I predict the Pajiba collective will go with a younger model and I’m curious to see just who.

So, if Bond was a chick, who should play her?









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Comments

Well I for one am totally happy with your choice!

Posted by: TS at July 20, 2011 5:11 PM

I'm sorry, but if you've not seen La Femme Nikita, it's not fair to say how good Bridget Fonda was or wasn't.

Posted by: Michael Jackson at July 20, 2011 5:17 PM

Sorry, toots, the name is Bond, NOT Ba-gi-na. The premise you propose is completely ludicrous and I will not even entertain it.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 20, 2011 5:22 PM

Is Helen Mirren too old?

Posted by: Laura at July 20, 2011 5:23 PM

maggiq Q, if she beefed up a bit (lady is WAY too thin to be a realistic ass kicking agent).

Posted by: sensless at July 20, 2011 5:23 PM

Vera Farmiga.

Posted by: Skyler Durden at July 20, 2011 5:23 PM

Couldn't come up with one either, huh BSlim?

Posted by: Phat girl at July 20, 2011 5:24 PM

For the silver foxes how about Helen Mirren. Meryl Streep. Really, Lena Olin, now that I think about it. She was fairly believable in the physical stuff she did on Alias. For that matter, Jennifer Garner did a decent job as a young Bond-type.

Posted by: Viking at July 20, 2011 5:24 PM

Or if we want to go spicy, how about Roslyn Sanchez? She seems like she could be a badass.

Posted by: Laura at July 20, 2011 5:32 PM

Geena Davis made a pretty good female Jason Bourne in The Long Kiss Goodnight.

Posted by: Blake Shrapnel at July 20, 2011 5:34 PM

Sigourney Weaver...Hello - Ripley? She could totally kick ass.

Younger though...? Fuck a duck...That's a harder choice. I'd love to see Kristin Bell in a self-assured gadgety-spy flick. She pulled off hardnosed-teen-detective well enough, and that would get her away from shit romcoms!

Posted by: SPAGHATTAH NADLE (formerly popejenm) at July 20, 2011 5:35 PM

Carla Gugino

Posted by: PyD at July 20, 2011 5:36 PM

Whoever plays Bond, male or female, should not only be uber-confident, but also *extremely* charming, as well as physically attractive. Diane Kruger comes to mind. I'm sure there are others I could think of, but I'd need to ponder it.

Posted by: Purvis at July 20, 2011 5:37 PM

SWINTON! Duh.

Posted by: Az at July 20, 2011 5:38 PM

I'm also totally happy with your choice. But I'm currently in the middle of a Doctor Who obsession, so...

Posted by: Jeni at July 20, 2011 5:39 PM

Maybe also Rachel McAdams. (I thought Tilda Swinton too, but thought she might be too quirky. Definitely confident and awesome enough, though!)

Posted by: Purvis at July 20, 2011 5:41 PM

How about Eva Green? She was a good match for Craig's Bond, and even made him want to commit while working her own agenda.

Posted by: Jenna at July 20, 2011 5:43 PM

Hermione Norris. PERIOD. Case closed.

Posted by: ceebee_eebee at July 20, 2011 5:43 PM

Excellent question. I think Diane Kruger's a great choice, as is Vera Farminga.

Marion Cotillard, perhaps? She's got the grace and the charm but looks like she could kick some serious ass too.

Posted by: beckster at July 20, 2011 5:46 PM

Lena Headey. Did a decent job as Sarah Connor, but she needs a bit more humour. I think Eva Green would make a good Bond type, hell she was in one. Melanie Laurent...looked credible enough with a gun in Inglorious Basterds. Needs to do something about the French accent though. Mila Kunis could be a credible smart-ass, horny, unscrupulous ass-kicker...in fact, make her bisexual and my world would be complete. :-)

Posted by: Joker at July 20, 2011 5:46 PM

Hmm.... maybe Cate Blanchett

Posted by: Purvis at July 20, 2011 5:47 PM

Uh, am I the only one who's seen Tremors? Reba McEntire, for sure.

Posted by: Forward Observer at July 20, 2011 5:48 PM

Also Thandie Newton.

Posted by: Purvis at July 20, 2011 5:48 PM

Thandie's pretty, but she needs a sandwich as badly as Ms Jolie.

Posted by: Joker at July 20, 2011 5:57 PM

I'd actually be entirely happy with your choice. But I think Marion Cotillard would do well too. I feel like she'd never have to physically hit anyone, she could just charm her way out of anything.

Posted by: Delilah at July 20, 2011 5:58 PM

I'll take you Thandie Newton and raise you a Zoe Saldana.

Or give it 15 years and I'll go for Emma Watson.

Posted by: FyreHaar at July 20, 2011 5:59 PM

Michelle Rodriguez

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 20, 2011 6:10 PM

Michelle Rodriguez
Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 20, 2011 6:10 PM

We are looking for females.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 20, 2011 6:16 PM

Anna Chapman

Posted by: fracas at July 20, 2011 6:17 PM

Dr Frank-N-Furter.

Posted by: peanut at July 20, 2011 6:21 PM

MRod would make a good Craig-style Bond, but she's to badass to be the suave type. She'd make a good Punisher-ette.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at July 20, 2011 6:23 PM

It's like this: Somewhere else on this site a few days ago, someone (Dustin?) posted about categories of stupid people on the Internet. Number one was people who comment on IMDB. Cindy, your original comments about Bond were easily the kind of WTF comments one finds on IMDB.

So forgive me if I find your particular exploration of a possible female Bond sort of laughable.

Posted by: klingonfree at July 20, 2011 6:25 PM

Both Thandie and Zoe are waaaay too thin. I'll consider a Zoe Bell, Rosario Dawson or Lucy Lawless. You'll also get to see Jennifer Lawrence do a younger version in the Hunger Games, no?

Posted by: MrCreosote at July 20, 2011 6:26 PM

Michelle Ryan. OK as the Bionic Woman, great as Lady Christina de Souza in Doctor Who.

Posted by: TheOtherGreg at July 20, 2011 6:30 PM

Angela Bassett? She'll kick your ass in half.

But if they did make a Bond with a woman as the spy, you know it would end up looking like Sucker Punch. So shhhhhhhh! I ain't sitting thru that twice!

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at July 20, 2011 6:51 PM

Wow. Klingonfree, and your comments are the kind of mirthless asshole comments from someone who uses the anonymity of the internet to attack a complete stranger. How dare Cindy have an opinion about a make believe spy. On a movie site no less.

Posted by: Julie at July 20, 2011 6:52 PM

I wish Gillian Anderson (Scully) was a tad younger now-a-days (she's still stunning) because I would have loved to see her a lot more kick-ass and independent in her own action film. She just seems intelligent and awesome.

Agreed in the Jolie front though. Just like Thandie Newton and Zoe Saldana, they're all just too thin. I feel like they'd break if they held up those heavy weapons. Gimme someone with Linda Carter Terminator 2 biceps plz, thx.

Posted by: Alexa at July 20, 2011 6:56 PM

Cary Elwes. Or Kate Beckinsale.

Posted by: Friendless Nerd at July 20, 2011 6:56 PM

Hey Julie: Yeah, I figure I had that coming. I was so impressed with my own umbrage I forgot my manners. "As a child I was given good principles but left to follow them in pride and conceit." Mea maxima culpa. Carry on without me, please.

Posted by: klingonfree at July 20, 2011 6:57 PM

You people bringing up Thandie Newton need to SERIOUSLY...lay off the crack. That shit is affecting your brains. I mean THANDIE NEWTON!

Are you shittin' me?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 20, 2011 6:57 PM

Klingonfree, it would be awesome if you stayed and argued about Bond. That's why us nerds exist, to debate silly matters. Just leave the name calling out of it. Unless you're calling her a scruffy looking nerfherder of course. :)

Posted by: Julie at July 20, 2011 7:02 PM

Lana Kane.

Posted by: penelope at July 20, 2011 7:07 PM

Gina Torres

Posted by: f at July 20, 2011 7:11 PM

OH WAIT! WAIT!
Noomi Rapace.

Posted by: penelope at July 20, 2011 7:12 PM

Look motherfuckers! When Blofeld has his goddamn out of space ray-gun pointed at North America, I don’t want to have to depend on some skirt that’s stuck at home bundled up on the couch sipping on some fucking herbal tea because it’s that time of the month again, to save us from a permanent dirt nap.

Posted by: Pookie at July 20, 2011 7:13 PM

i second the lena olin nomination. and how was summer glau on that show where she was supposed to kick a lot of ass?

Posted by: the chaplain at July 20, 2011 7:18 PM

Oh Pookie, you crack me up. When's the last time you were in a foxhole?

Posted by: Cindy at July 20, 2011 7:23 PM

Wait...this is going to be bad.

Posted by: Cindy at July 20, 2011 7:23 PM

Naomie Harris. Plenty of ass kicking in her C.V. (28 Days Later), and she's English.

Posted by: Blake Shrapnel at July 20, 2011 7:27 PM

I second Friendless Nerd, Kate Beckinsale.

And Cindy what did happen to Bridget Fonda? The wife and I were discussing that last week.... did she get prego, turn gay, vote republican what?

Posted by: logan at July 20, 2011 7:28 PM

Yeah, I suppose I could do it... I've got moxie and stuff.

Oh, wait, you were talking about a different MRod, huh? Yeah... She might have a cli-penis...she seems like a really tough broad.

Posted by: MRod at July 20, 2011 7:29 PM

Didn't Michelle Yeoh play a better agent in a Brosnan Bond movie already? Also, Cate Blanchett played a ruthless assassin in Hannah, that's pretty much the Connery type Bond right there. In fact she was so good she loomed on screen, looked menacing without butching up. And that there is the danger my
friends, if the actress 'roids up it ends up as a caricature, what you are looking for is subtlety, femininity and a hint of menace.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 20, 2011 7:30 PM

It's been done already: Pierce Brosnan.

Posted by: Uh Oh Seven at July 20, 2011 7:33 PM

Noomi Rapace and Tilda Swinton could kick the ass of every male Bond. And look better doing it.

Posted by: idgiepug at July 20, 2011 7:34 PM

Look Cindy, I don’t make the rules. Crime fighting doesn’t stop for seven days, it’s a year round commitment. And besides, once the bad guy calls her the c-word she’s going to start demanding respect as a woman and all that kind of crap. Do you think a billionaire industrialist like Hugo Drax of Drax Industries is going to worry about hurting her feelings? This is the same guy that sent his Doberman Pinchers to give a pink slip to one of his female employees, and she was hot.

Posted by: Pookie at July 20, 2011 7:47 PM

Hugo Drax of Drax Industries is going to worry about hurting her feelings? This is the same guy that sent his Doberman Pinchers to give a pink slip to one of his female employees, and she was hot.
Posted by: Pookie at July 20, 2011 7:47 PM


Now that there is an excellent point.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 20, 2011 7:52 PM

I had no idea every single person that posts comments on imdb is a blithering idiot but it must be true if Dustin and his sock puppet klingonfree say so. Also, I guess I'm too stupid to realize just how stupid I am since I've been known to comment there a time or two.

Posted by: snapnhiss at July 20, 2011 8:04 PM

Hugo Drax of Drax Industries is going to worry about hurting her feelings? This is the same guy that sent his Doberman Pinchers to give a pink slip to one of his female employees, and she was hot.
Posted by: Pookie at July 20, 2011 7:47 PM

Now that there is an excellent point.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 20, 2011 7:52 PM

Thank you BSlim, and might I add I’ve been a long time admirer of your work here at Pajiba. Some people just don’t realize how hard it is to save the world. I’m not saying that women aren’t built for this type of work; I’m just saying people should know their limitations. I’m an old fashion type of guy; I believe that being a homemaker is very rewarding and it is often an overlooked skill. It is all about trying to find your niche in life.

Posted by: Pookie at July 20, 2011 8:10 PM

Starbuck, bitches.

Done and DONE.

Posted by: firedmyass at July 20, 2011 8:22 PM

Hey snaphiss, I already made a sincere apology. And I am not a sockpuppet.

What's a sockpuppet?

And Bridget Fonda married Danny Elfman. Not sure what happened next.

Posted by: klingonfree at July 20, 2011 8:25 PM

Oooh, yes to Noomi Rapace. And Zoe Saldana.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 20, 2011 8:42 PM

Blake, Naomie Harris has been cast in the new Bond movie. Unfortunately,as Moneypenny. Not something cool.

How about Eva Green as sexy spy. Of course, with Eva, sexy comes before anything.

Posted by: Sean at July 20, 2011 8:45 PM

Michelle Ryan

Posted by: Sage at July 20, 2011 8:50 PM

Swinton, eh....intriguing. I think I love it.

Posted by: Skyler Durden at July 20, 2011 9:07 PM

Pookie...what about women who don't bleed? I'm a lady with lady parts and haven't been visited by spaghattah sauce for years. Surely THEY could be outside of the home without a male escort?

Posted by: SPAGHATTAH NADLE (formerly popejenm) at July 20, 2011 9:07 PM

First person I thought of was Gina Torres. Baddest badass chick all around. Lena Olin has my vote as well. she hot. and was appropriately manipulative as Irina Derevko.

Posted by: denesteak at July 20, 2011 9:17 PM

I’m an old fashion type of guy; I believe that being a homemaker is very rewarding and it is often an overlooked skill. It is all about trying to find your niche in life.

Posted by: Pookie at July 20, 2011 8:10 PM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Homemaker AND button pusher. I see you've found your niche

Posted by: kirbyjay at July 20, 2011 9:24 PM

@Sean
Well crap. I'm glad their bringing back Moneypenny (namely because it gives me hope that Q may be back) but I wish they would have given Naomi Harris something cooler to play. Although with the whole reboot angle, maybe this Moneypenny will be less lame then previous incarnations.

Posted by: Blake Shrapnel at July 20, 2011 9:30 PM

So easy. Zoe Washburne on Firefly, the strikingly competent and laconic Gina Torres. How about another? Not yet properly turned into an icon - the films were horrible - but the marvelous character in numerous novels, Modesty Blaise. Trust me, truly a feminine Bond.

Posted by: oregonbird at July 20, 2011 9:46 PM

Pookie...what about women who don't bleed? I'm a lady with lady parts and haven't been visited by spaghattah sauce for years. Surely THEY could be outside of the home without a male escort?

Posted by: SPAGHATTAH NADLE (formerly popejenm) at July 20, 2011 9:07 PM

Blaspheme; thy words are of a wicked nature. Wash thyself and cover thyself with scents and oils to walk among righteous men and womenfolk.

Posted by: Pookie at July 20, 2011 10:29 PM

Rachel Shelley.

Posted by: Jerry at July 20, 2011 10:47 PM

Or Gina Bellman, now that I think about it.

Posted by: Jerry at July 20, 2011 10:48 PM

Or even Karina Lombard. Unless exotic pan-Pacific pan-European is out of the question.

Posted by: Jerry at July 20, 2011 10:51 PM

Yvonne Strahovski does a pretty good job of being a type of female Bond on Chuck. I'm not sure if she has the range to be the lead and carry a film on her own. But she handles the physicality of being a spy well.

Posted by: Dave at July 20, 2011 11:56 PM

Linda Hamilton scared the shite outta me with her buffed-up ready to rumble with Swarzenegger physique in T2. She should've helmed her own kick-ass spy series after that movie was in the can. And I wanted Angela Bassett in Strange Days to take over the entire movie. She was like the female SHAFT from the future. Once again, Hollywood missed a golden opportunity. At least QT almost gave Pam Grier her shot in "Jackie Brown". I say almost because he didn't let her do enough with that role - it was like he was afraid she couldn't carry the movie on her own. Michelle Rodriguez is too obvious a choice (she's already a testosterone-afflicted action star), and I know Hillary Swank could handle that job, too, but they are too butch for my tastes. I absolutely loved Jada Pinkett-Smith in the Matrix Trilogy. She is graceful beauty, brains and muscle - one bad b**tch I would never mess with. No for Zoe Saldana or Thandie Newton... way too anorexic rail thin - i agree. I'll always love Sigourney Weaver's tough broad act, but she's Lt. Ripley - solidly Sci-Fi. Not quite Bond material. If I saw Christina Ricci buffed up a bit, she would make a catty, devastatingly gorgious spy who could hold her own in a battle, even though she's small. If you've seen her in Cursed, you know she'd be game for espionage. I also think Mira Sorvino (whatever happened to her?) would be a good Bond, despite her short height. And I have faith in Jena Malone, even though she was in the atrocious Suckerpunch. She definitely has acting AND action star chops. I'd like Ellen Page (yes, Miss Juno herself) to helm an action flick after hitting weights at the gym. I think she'd be formidably good. But the most obvious choice for a woman Bond? Five, maybe ten years from now - it will be Chloe Grace Moretz. I pray that the birth of Hit Girl was not just a fluke occurence!

Posted by: Brian Kehinde at July 21, 2011 12:10 AM

Swinton - She's heavenly, but completely unsuitable.

Lena Olin, I could get behind, but really the best options are Cotillard or Blanchett, if they were going to make it now. The rest (including Jolie and the skinny brigade), meh.

If they're making it in ten years? I have to second Chloe Moretz. She would be balls-out fantastic.

Posted by: Smokin at July 21, 2011 12:32 AM

Or give it 15 years and I'll go for Emma Watson.
Posted by: FyreHaar at July 20, 2011 5:59 PM

Agreed! She's sophisticated and charming to boot. And isn't she an athlete? Hockey player? I think she could pull off an action role.

Keeping with the whole James-Bond-is-British theme, I would love to see Kate Winslet as Jane Bond. Hubba hubba.

Posted by: Max at July 21, 2011 1:34 AM

Xenia Onatopp.

Posted by: Badabooshie at July 21, 2011 2:47 AM

Elizabeth Hurley

Posted by: James at July 21, 2011 4:10 AM

SWINTON would be an unstoppable Bond-ess.

Marion Cotillard would be intruiging- her voice is haunting and would be suited to the quiet threats from a Bond-ess. Especially if she's threatening Eva Green....the screen would spontaneously combust!

I'd be happy with Ms. Kingston as well.

(and dangit, i like daniel craig as Bond! I'm not afraid to cry it from the rooftops!!)

Posted by: Amynae at July 21, 2011 5:05 AM

I don't really get the SWINTON love. I guess someone has to love the aliens.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 21, 2011 6:09 AM

I second the Starbuck love.

Posted by: homeslice at July 21, 2011 6:14 AM

Katee Sackhoff.
Nuf said..

Posted by: Magiel at July 21, 2011 8:00 AM

Either Kate Winslet or Rachel Weisz.... actually, you know what, I just can't see it. The character is just too much of a fantasy of what men would like to be, the zenith of a male ego if you will. To have a woman portray that character would be awkward and completely bizarre, it just doesn't fit. Kickass female spy movies would work and there are plenty of women around who could play that part to perfection (Cate Blanchett in Hanna) but Bond is just too "Male" to be played by a woman.

Posted by: Colombo at July 21, 2011 8:19 AM

As a 19 year old who just finished watching all the colour Emma Peel episodes of The Avengers, when Diana Rigg is an option, Diana Rigg is the answer.

It doesn't even matter that she's in her 70s.

Posted by: Caillan at July 21, 2011 8:50 AM

1-Lena Headey
2-Rebbecca Hall
3-Keira Knightley
4-Serena Scott Thomas
5-Sophie Marceau

Posted by: John W at July 21, 2011 12:01 PM

Since Torres and Harris were already mentioned, I'm gonna throw my hat in the ring with Peta Wilson. She kicked all kinda ass in La Femme Nikita! (That "Gentlemen" movie does not exist.)

Posted by: Four Eyes at July 21, 2011 12:06 PM

La Femme Nikita was truly excellent; I thought it far better than the Fonda remake.

As for female Bonds, hrm. Alex Kingston, yes. Gina Torres, yes. Emma Watson in 10 years, probably very much so.

Posted by: foolsage at July 21, 2011 12:06 PM

@James - Elizabeth Hurley would be the perfect female Bond. She is so commanding on screen, and fills the "hot" expectation.

Posted by: Justin L at July 21, 2011 1:27 PM

Despite your sacrilegious views on Craig, I'll indulge. Some very good suggestions here, but I'm going unconventional - how about Juliana Margulies?

Posted by: Bert at July 21, 2011 4:33 PM

I don't have time to look up every one, so I'll just ask:

Are any of the ladies listed so far capable of *believably* taking on Daniel Craig's Bond in a straight-up physical fight?

Posted by: Evan at July 21, 2011 5:24 PM