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What Got You Through Those Days?

By Mrs. Julien | Comment Diversions | August 24, 2013 | Comments ()


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This weeks comment diversion comes from sadness, Sara_Tonin00’s suggestion, and Six Feet Under.

Mswas: My father died suddenly a month before this series ended. The finale stayed in my queue for probably six months or so before I could bring myself to watch it. Instead, I found Mythbusters to be just about the only thing I could watch. Explosions make Mswas happy? Confirmed.

Drake: My last big personal trauma I binged on “Phineas and Ferb”.

hippyherb: When my mother died, I could only watch documentaries about the history of the U.K. Nice way to pass the initial stages of grief.

It’s not that I’ve never grieved, but I don’t have something that I watched to get me through a loss; however, while my father was dying, I watched the A&E Pride and Prejudice because it was his favourite book. During one of his lucid moments, I told him that I was watching it and hoped “those two crazy kids would work things out,” and he laughed. That laugh now makes me cry, like right now for example. [deep breath] We read it aloud to him in the hospital as well. My dad used to recommend Pride and Prejudice to his co-workers who needed to improve their writing.

What did you watch, read, or listen to during those days when you had to find a way to get through? Can you revisit those things or are they now too entangled with your loss?

Comment diversions suggestions, gift cards, and ukelele strings can be sent here.



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  • Colleeeeeeeen

    When my boyfriend of 11 years tossed me, I dove back in to the entire Whedon oeuvre. It's my everything.

  • dizzylucy

    I lost someone close to me a few years ago during the holidays, and I spent a few days just binging on Friends. It was like comfort food. When I catch a rerun now I think of it fondly as something that helped.

  • BabyBearStrikesAgain

    My sister fell into a coma at 2 years old and stayed that way until she was nearly 14 and died. We took care of her at home so I had to deal with it, and see her, on a day to day basis. You get used to it, because honestly, you can get used to anything. But there were days that I had to escape. My escape was always sci fi & fantasy books because they were the furthest thing from reality. It was never just a movie or TV show or song, because those things are short and temporary. But if you have a whole series you can go through (e.g., The Dragonriders of Pern) it can take you months/years to finish. To this day, the one thing that can comfort me in times of stress is disappearing into a really good book.

  • Cree83

    When my Dad died, I binged Scrubs and How I Met Your Mother - funny sitcoms that also do poignant well. After the end of a significant relationship, I watched every single episode of Frasier and Curb Your Enthusiasm. After a miscarriage, Buffy the Vampire Slayer was where it was at.

  • trixie

    Right now I really want to watch Breaking Bad and I just can't. I got fired and I'm looking for work. I'm suing my company and things are just all around pretty crappy. I started to watch it and, I just can't. I can only handle silly stuff or action stuff right now or my mood almost immediately drops into the crapper. So...hoping to get working again soon so I can catch up on what is obviously amazing stuff but just to harsh to deal with right now.

  • Temmere

    When my father died I was looking at a lot of hours on planes to get back for the funeral. I felt I needed something that could keep my attention without requiring serious mental effort, and found it in the book Faerie Tale by Raymond Feist. I had read and enjoyed it as a teenager, and so I knew it was just what I needed to keep me from breaking down on the plane.

    (What this ten-year-old book, in English, was doing in a bookstore in the airport in Oslo I never did figure out.)

  • Scootsa1000

    We lost a baby a few years ago, about 20 weeks in. And I seriously couldn't have gotten through that time without The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson. Every single night, he made me forget about our problems, and just made me laugh. I will be forever grateful to him for that.

  • sweetfrancaise

    When my boyfriend died, I watched A LOT of television to keep myself out of a very dark spiral. Glee, then still in its first season (and still GOOD), continued to put a smile on my face, as did HIMYM. Grey's Anatomy allowed me to cry at ridiculous melodrama (and don't even get me started on "Song Beneath the Song", watched two years after his death). Six Feet Under helped me establish the reality of grieving. Doctor Who helped me remember that no matter how many bad things happened, they didn't take away from the good things. I also fell asleep, every night for the first six months or so, to the sound of either Philadelphia Story or High Society.

    Now if I'm having a bad day, it's the Mary Tyler Moore show that helps me through.

  • stardust

    When we had to put my doggie to sleep a few weeks ago, I mainlined Adventure Time. That crazy little cartoon made me feel so much better.

  • Gunnut2600

    When I was trying to push through military deployments, I would pick a subject in history, and consume as much literature about it as possible. For the Afghanistan tour, it was the history of the Soviet Union, from biographies of the head honchos, to their inner circle....everything.

    The first and second Iraq deployments were the rise and fall of colonialism.

    Now I find myself indefinitely stuck in a Middle Eastern country for work. MST3K is pretty much the only thing keeping me sane.

  • mswas

    Thanks for the H/T @mrs Julien. A very good ukulele-loving friend's dad just died this weekend. I hope he finds comfort in some ukulele strings too.

  • There'll Be Pancakes

    Tom Waits. Tom Waits' voice is the pain of heartbreak in aural form. Bottom of the World, Martha, I Don't Wanna Grow Up, Take Me Home, The Piano Has Been Drinking - I played these on loop for about two months straight

  • Berry

    The great loss in my life happened when I was eight, so back then it was... barbie dolls and Nancy Drew, probably. It's difficult to remember.

    More recently, when I found out that there was no hope for one of my best friends and former room-mate to get better, and that she would in fact die in a matter of weeks, I had to get out of the house. We ended up going to see Ocean's 11 with then boyfriend (now Mr. Berry). And it worked like magic. For the duration of the movie I could forget about everything else. I've never seen 12 and 13. Just didn't seem right somehow.

    Mr. Berry's silly, adorable jokes and Friends can sometimes make me laugh even in the midst of the blackest, most desperate periods of depression, and for that I'll always be grateful.

    And finally, how to get trough those nights... The depression also causes pretty spectacular bouts of insomnia. In high-school, my go to book during sleepless nights was Pablo Neruda's autobiography. Don't ask me why.

  • The Shawarma Initiative

    The night my mom died last summer I stayed up and watched Alien until 3:30 in the morning. Then in the following months I marathoned through Twin Peaks, every David Lynch movie, every Charlie Kaufman movie, Walking Dead, and then, oy vey, the first three seasons of Parenthood. I should have advised my nearest and dearest to buy stock in Kleenex at that time. In retrospect, Synecdoche, NY was the most affecting of the bunch. The burning house, all that strange death and toying with the scale of things, I related to it because of how disconnected and foreign all the characters become in their quest to connect and be loved. That's how I felt, completely untethered with no emotional depth perception. It's not gone yet, but it's better. Thank you, Hollywood.

  • A. Smith

    When my father, my grandmother and cousin past away almost one after the other 3 years ago I was in a rut. It took almost 2 full years to regain my bearings and even now I'm still not 100% but I'm better. The day my father past I listened to the Rob Dougan album Furious Angels. Still in a rut, the movie that got feeling a bit better was 'Smashed', not the happiest of endings, but the lead through ups and downs got a hold of alcohol addiction something my father couldn't after many many attempts. Next, again oddly enough and by accident, was 'Doctor Who'. Pretty much any 9 or 10 episode deals with loss in some sort of way and how he coped with it, while 11 dealt with this in a very self loathing fashion 9 and 10 dealt with it head on even if it meant getting hurt along the way. Ultimately the moral I got was never giving up hope even when fate isn't on your side.

  • Brooke

    My younger brother overdosed at 29, two years ago, two weeks before his 30th birthday, leaving behind three children under three. When he was 10 and I was 15 we watched 'Quantum Leap' together. I was off work for a week and a half waiting for his funeral, because he died during a snowstorm and getting his body back from the state medical examiner was a nightmare. During that time I rewatched 'Quantum Leap' from the beginning and ate my weight in peanut butter M&Ms. I haven't watched the show since and two weeks ago I decided I could eat peanut butter M&Ms again without puking. That is the only memory I have of that whole week and a half, the rest of it is a numb blur.

  • tmoney

    When my son was stillborn at 38 weeks last February, I made it through the first few weeks with episodes of Psych and The Good Guys on Netflix and watching SuperTroopers until I fell asleep. Psych episodes are still my happy place, and now that I'm two weeks from delivering my daughter, Psych makes me both happy and anxious.

  • emilya

    there is a pop my culture podcast from last year (i think) with the guy that plays lassie that is a absolute fucking delight although potentially not suitable for baby ears if you're worried about your baby's first word being cocksucker. totally recommend it!

  • Bodhi

    Goddamn. I am so sorry for your loss. But congrats on your rainbow baby!! :-)

    I just love Psych. Its mindless fun, & "Shawn & Gus" have such amazing chemistry you can't help but smile

  • Bea Pants

    I binge watched Firefly for the first time with my mom and Mr. Pants after my dad died. Buffy was kind of hit and miss for me and FF was a show my mom likes and her taste in TV shows is not great so I never saw the original run. However after waking up to the sound of my mother sobbing that morning and fielding phone calls from friends and relatives all day I didn't have the strength or the inclination to refuse when she asked if I would watch it with her. Needless to say I was hooked after the premiere.

  • DataAngel

    When my father died, it was Jethro Tull. Hours and hours and hours of it, endlessly looping. Ian Anderson's warm voice was there for me and is still there for me sixteen years after my father's voice has gone.

  • minxy

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

  • unpious

    When one of my mentors from high school passed away my freshman year of college, I spent about 48 hours straight playing Dynasty Warriors 3. Mowing my way through 1000s of faceless cannon fodder pixels became almost meditative.

    A couple of years ago I was pretty ill with a (currently treated, yay health insurance) chronic illness. For the days when I couldn't get out of bed, Parks and Rec. It's actually hard to watch now, because it's so associated in my brain with the low days.

  • DominaNefret

    After my little brother died tragically at 23 back in June 2010, my friend Kasha and I probably watched ten episodes of the BBC Antiques Roadshow a day every day for a minimum of two weeks. It had been programmed to record on my DVR and set as top priority and to record all episodes, so it had gotten to the point where there was nothing but Antiques Roadshow on that DVR, and everytime we watched one a new episode would be recorded to take its place, so we never ran out.
    I talked about this fairly recently, but I had only actually met Kasha twice before my brother died and he came out and stepped up hard core by pretty much spending the entire summer with me, only leaving my house for five or six days total in a two month period. He even came to the funeral home in Baltimore with my family to identify the body (which apparently you have to do after an organ donation. We did not know this. We'd already had the memorial service and everything.)
    Kasha is one of my best friends on the face of the planet now, and we really forged our friendship in that time spending hours upon hours curled up on the couch together watching Antiques Roadshow, analyzing the differences in the ways Brits respond to their appraisals versus Americans. It was really my happy place.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I received the loveliest email recounting love and loss and the power of music to cope and transport oneself. Thank you for sharing it with me, even if you are not comfortable posting it here.

    Mrs. J.

  • Nicole

    A friend and I decided that we can't listen to music that we like while we're going through horrible things, because it makes it so hard to listen to later. Last summer, I had bought Frank Ocean's 'Channel Orange' just before my mom's cancer came back with a vengeance, and I was listening to it all the time. To this day, even after deliberately trying to desensitize myself to the songs (because I like them and don't want to just pretend the album never existed), it's so hard.

    Every song conjures mental home movies of the long walk from the parking lot to the cancer ward of the hospital, the sounds and smells of the hallways and cafeteria, the terrifying, lonely drives home after visiting hours...it's torturous. I think what makes it particularly difficult is that I was putting on such a happy, positive face for my mom but it was in those moments of solitude with my headphones on, or in the car, that I really felt the terror of what it would be like if I actually lost her, so it's that energy that I still feel when I listen to it now, months after all of those fears were realized.

  • Miss Kate

    My brother died suddenly when I was 6 months pregnant. My mother had been fighting cancer for years at this point, and died a few months later, when my son was 4 weeks old. (She never got to meet him.) We buried her on my Dad's birthday. It poured, and I took the day off from nursing to drink lots of whiskey with my husband and remaining siblings. I'd like to say that there was one specific thing that got me through this time, but I can't. I think it was probably a combination of sheer terror, lack of sleep, and Will Ferrell movies. To this day, Anchorman never fails to make me giddy.

  • PDamian

    It's weird but comforting to read how many Pajibans get through the bad times with Law and Order reruns. I thought I was the only one. L&O has helped me through many rough times in my life, including unemployment, death of a dear friend, and bad breakups. I like all L&O flavors (Original Recipe, SVU, etc.), but my faves are Original Recipe episodes with Briscoe, Logan, Stone and Kinkaid. When I heard on NPR that Jerry Orbach had died, I cried all week.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I think it was just always on somewhere. One of my sisters got into it back when TNT or TBS ran a block from 1-3am and she was nursing.

  • special k

    When my moms died in 2002, which was exactly one month from diagnosis to her death (fuck you, cancer), I watched and listened to a lot of her favorites. Woody Allen movies, Simon and Garfunkel, Mamas and the Papas... I would pretend we were doing it together. I also drank a lot of beer.

  • Nicole

    When my mom was sick with cancer we were watching Gilmore Girls together on DVD. I had always told her she'd like it, but she resisted because she thought that Lorelai talked too fast, which annoyed her. But she finally started watching it when she was stuck in the hospital all day after surgery, and then recovering at home. Then she started to get too tired to sit through an episode so I'd watch it while she slept beside me on the couch. Then she went to the hospice and I watched it at night after spending the day with her there because I could pretend we were watching it together. Then she died, and I kept on watching it because I couldn't bear to watch anything else, since it would feel like she was really gone. She died when I was just starting season four, and I don't think I watched anything else until I finished the series. It's been 10 months, and I still fall asleep to it every night because it makes me feel safe, and close to her.

    Oh, and fuck you cancer.

  • kirbyjay

    It's not so much what got me through it but what I couldn't do because of it.
    4 things come to mind.
    I was reading Marley and Me when my Yellow Lab was old and in very poor health. I read 3/4 of the book and it made me laugh but I would not finish it. I did maybe 3 years later. His name was Kirby.
    When I was 17, my best ( guy) friend died in a car accident. I couldn't watch tv because any normal behavior would infuriate me ( why is everyone going on with life when my best friend is dead? ) and any mention of death would cause me to break down. I also couldn't listen to Fire and Rain or How Can You Mend a Broken Heart for years and still get misty when I hear them.
    When a addicted friend finally succumbed to a heroin overdose, Mr. Kirbyjay and I were eating dinner a few days later and he put Tom Waits on the stereo, thinking it would bring back good memories of Matty. It didn't." Turn it off, PLEASE". It just killed me.
    When a favorite uncle was in the last stages of cancer and within days of passing away, I went to the movies with a friend. Terms of Endearment. I had to walk out.
    I guess the only thing that has ever helped me with grief is sleep. But then I wake up.

  • competitivenonfiction

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer (skipping "the Body"). I watched it both when I was recovering from surgery and when I was recovering from the death of my father in law. It's just enough fantasy and darkness, mixed with comedy and a little bit of a life goes message to get me through the dark times.

  • TCH

    Adult swim. Was my program for grief.

  • ViciousTrollop

    I suffer from severe anxiety. I could barely leave the house for the first few months of this year. The only time my brain felt free and that huge weight lifted off my shoulders was when I watched Bunheads. For one hour each week that show gave me some much needed peace. God, I will always love and miss that show. Gilmore Girls is great when you feel like crap too.

    Old movies work as well. If I'm feeling down I pop in a 30's screwball comedy or musical and I feel a bit better and lighter.

  • kirbyjay

    I had debilitating anxiety ( along with depression and developing OCD) and if it weren't for Paxil I would be dead now. It was strictly a chemical imbalance and not brought on by any outside factors. That was 14 years ago. It saved my life. I'm sure you've tried everything but Paxil is specifically for anxiety. I hope you find peace because I know what you're going through. Within 5 days I felt the giant black cloud lift and I've been myself ever since. Don't give up.

  • ViciousTrollop

    Thanks for your well wishes. Same to you!

    I tried Paxil about 13 years ago when I was 16 and it made me feel almost bi-polar. I'm on Zoloft right now plus anti anxiety meds. I don't have much faith in anti-depressants to be honest. They're so hit or miss. You have to try so many to find one that works.

    I've really found that seeing a psychologist has helped. I'm slowly learning to change the way I think about myself. It's a long road but hopefully I'll get there one day.

  • misslucyjane

    Two years ago I lost a job I'd been in for a decade, and watched a lot of TV and movies while searching for a new one*. I saw The Avengers in the theater five times, for instance. BUt my most reliable happy place was a British series called "Fortysomething", with Hugh Laurie and Anna Chancellor and several other familiar faces if you watch a lot of BBC America. I don't know what it is about that series, but it never fails to make me feel better. (It's probably the happy ending.)

    *which I did eventually find. Hallelujah.

  • Ruthie O

    So, this isn't technically a loss as my brother survived (hurray!). But anyone who has ever loved anyone fighting cancer knows that watching a family member go through treatment carries a specific type of grief. When my younger brother's cancer came back, I was away at college. He was eight. We were all devastated; watching a young child deal with chemo for three years was painful enough the first time.

    I rushed home from college. The hospital rooms were small, so we took turns staying with him in the hospital room. I stayed home alone most nights. Unlike the first time he was sick, I was legally an adult at that point, so it wasn't as scary. But it was lonely, and in the silence, images of my baby brother dying and suffering slipped into my head. I turned on the TV to shut them out. As I was surfing through the channels, I stopped at Singing in the Rain. I knew the music, but I had never seen the film before. It was during one of the musical sequences; it was full of such joy and music. I smiled and laughed. It was the first time in days I had felt anything.

    I re-watched that movie several times during that week. Even better, I watched the musical scenes with my brother. He was obsessed with "Make Em Laugh." I remember him just laughing and laughing. He looked like an actual kid then, not a cancer patient. That time was the darkest time in my family's history; I think funny, joyful movies helped my whole family get through that ordeal, and Singing In The Rain remains my top go-to-instant-perk-up movie.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • mb

    When I was 21, my mom died. On that day, I had gone to the hospital to visit her. Visitation started at 10am and I was the first of my family to get there. She had coded unexpectedly and passed while I was driving, so I walked in, alone, and had to find out, and then call my older siblings, and my father. After the calls I wound up walking out, getting in my car, and driving home. There was a package at my door that I ignored, and I wound up laying in my bed for an hour or two willing myself to wake up before my phone started ringing off the hook and I realized it had really happened, and I drove back to the hospital. When I returned home again later, I opened that package, and it contained the Fellowship of the Ring soundtrack. I had one of those CD player alarm clocks on my nightstand...I put the CD in and wound up putting one of the tracks on loop until I fell asleep.

    I looped that same track each night for six months. It was strange and hypnotic and laying in bed listening to it became the only time when my head cleared and I felt a strange sense of calm. It's hard to explain, but that CD became so important to me. I haven't listened to it since. If I heard that track again I'm not sure if it would be soothing or devastating or what.

  • Wigamer

    My dad was very ill from February through July; he passed away on July 1st. I finished up this season's Mad Men & then went back & started to re-watch the whole series. I've always loved the show (mainly for Jon Hamm), but until my father's illness and death forced me to come to terms with our relationship, I didn't realize that my dad was so very much like Don Draper. Alcoholic, absentee father, slick package with a gaping hole underneath. Not much comfort, but at least some insight.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    The last time a close relative of mine died (I don't have many) has been in the early 1990s. I was in my early teens back then, and I don't really remember what helped me.

    Today, it would probably be Doctor Who. It certainly helped after I lost my last job and had to leave the country I fell in love with.

  • HerringGull

    Cary Grant & Katharine Hepburn & Spencer Tracy & Myrna Loy & Fredric March (my gram's favourite) & Gregory Peck & James Stewart & Deborah Kerr (my favourite) & Barbara Stanwyck & Charlie Chaplin & The Marx Brothers & Bogart&Bacall and loads of others.
    My Gram used to talk through most of the movie, which I found annoying and now miss.

  • kuzum

    for six month safter my marriage disintegrated, i couldn't listen to music. so i listened to Radiolab podcasts instead. the best thing on earth.

  • sarah

    I was in highshool and going through a terrible depression when I first started watching Veronica Mars ,and it helped a lot . Now I'm 23 and I'm in a good place in my life ,but I still rewatch the first two seasons almost every summer.

  • JBolivar92

    So sorry for all the loss here – sending good wishes to all
    of you.

    Through many years of major depression plus life’s
    curveballs, I’ve come up with a “kit” to give me a bit of anesthesia/staunch
    the flow of sorrow [disclaimer: much is
    cheesy; I do not lay claim to taste and/or sophistication; I just know what
    works, and I use it]:

    Golden girls reruns –total TV comfort food – non-nutritious,
    but filling

    Chaplin’s “Modern Times” – boy was I embarrassed when a
    boyfriend had to watch this for a film class, and I couldn’t stop laughing (the
    automatic food machine gets me every time)- embarrassing, helpless tears
    laughter….duh

    Quentin Crisp’s “The Naked Civil Servant” – if he could
    survive pre-& post- WWII as an out gay man, who favoured drag, and do it
    with so much humour, then I can survive, too

    Bavarian Schuhplattler vid’s on YouTube: yeah, “WTF?” – my Austrian
    papap played the accordion, the hooting and kicking; plus, there MUST be a
    lederhosen fetish – a male equivalent to girl scout uniforms on women fetish… [see
    also European Vacation w/Chevy Chase German dancing…har-har!]

  • googergieger

    It's such a good feeling

    To know you're alive.

    It's such a happy feeling:

    You're growing inside.

    And when you wake up ready to say,

    "I think I'll make a snappy new day."

    It's such a good feeling,

    A very good feeling,

    The feeling you know

    You're alive.

  • sweetfrancaise

    Love you for this.

  • Erin S

    Luckily I have so far been spared from serious personal trauma, but I do have a hell of a case of depression that has reared it's ugly head a few times over the past couple of years. After moving to Boston right after college, the job search was miserable (thanks economy!) and I was hemorrhaging money (thanks Boston!) and feeling like a big fat failure. I dealt with it like a true female rom-com cliche (except it was less "no man will ever love me," more, "no one will ever love me,") by cuddling with my cat and watching Law and Order: SVU marathons on USA.

    On those awful days when Benson and Stabler were replaced by episodes of NCIS, I was quite thankful that the last 5 seasons of SVU are offered for free on my cable plan. No matter how awful I felt, I kept reminding myself that it could be worse. I could be a foster child whose foster parents gave me plastic surgery to look like their long lost, kidnapped daughter who ended up married to a farmer in upstate New York, or one of 50 women John Stamos sneakily impregnated by poking holes in condoms.

    The Mindy Project was also enormously helpful, letting me see the ridiculousness in my personal funk and laugh at it instead of cry.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • MelBivDevoe

    Erin, I used to marathon Law & Order: SVU my senior year of college, when it was clear everything was coming to an end and I didn't know what the next step was gonna be and I was FREAKING OUT about it. For some reason, I found that particular procedural show to be very comforting.

  • Amanda Graham

    Dallas got me through hideous post-natal depression. Pool fights and huge conical flagpoles FTW.

  • Sara Habein

    When my dad died, late night talk shows and lots of listening to AFI's decemberunderground album.

  • Wine and police procedurals always help me. Silent Witness marathon helped during my lengthy break-up with my ex who has aspirations for Catholic priesthood.

    Also, while struggling with illness for several months, Bones gave me something to look forward to each day.

  • When my Mama died, I knew I could be depressed for weeks or months. I figured I could fight it, or just dive in and wallow in it and get it over with.

    Wine, weed and Joni Mitchell albums. Man, that woman can make me cry every time.

  • the other courtney

    When my dad died, Marlboro's, Absolut and a copy of "A Treasury of War Poetry, British and American Poems of WWI". He had found a copy, at my request, years before in a second-hand book shop and was very excited to read it with me. I still dust it off now and again, when I need that masochistic jab in the wound.

  • meh

    I haven't yet experienced the death of a close loved one (blessedly) but I did recently go through a really rough two weeks in the hospital involving multiple surgeries, lots of drugs and pain and awfulness.

    Three shows got me through, and I can't believe I'm even admitting to this, but it was Friends, Pawn Stars and Tanked. That was about as much attention span as I could give, and it gave me SOMETHING brainless to focus on while fighting through waves of other stuff.

  • Bodhi

    I lost twin boys at 18 weeks this past March. My husband & I were stuck in Houston until the funeral home called us to pick up the smallest urn you've ever seen & we watched the shit out of The History, Travel, & Food Channels. We also drank as much as we could without sobbing all over ourselves. (We found that limit early & stuck to it).

    Weed also helped

  • DeaconG

    My condolences. Raising a bong to ya.

  • tmoney

    I'm so sorry, and I know it doesn't help to hear this, but it will get better.

  • PDamian

    So very sorry. You and your family are in my prayers. I'm sending good vibes, too.

  • Miss Kate

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending good thoughts your way.

  • emmalita

    I'm so sorry. 4 years ago my bff went through something similar. I spent hours sitting on her bed with her and sometimes her husband watching every British drama we could get our hands on.

  • Ruthie O

    Damn. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I'm sending you love and hugs through my computer screen.

  • Oh my! I'm so sorry for your loss. I commend your bravery to comment here at Pajiba.

  • Wigamer

    Oh, damn. I'm so sorry.

  • kittennz

    I don't know if anybody knows the Korean dramedy 'My name is Kim Sam-soon'.

    It got me through the initial shock of my dad, who I was quite close to, leaving our family under very seedy circumstances just after I turned 20. My mum was barely functioning and my little sister had gone through a pretty traumatic experience.

    During that mid-semester break I sat with them watching the 16 episodes and it took our minds off our situation and my God we were even able to laugh in the midst of it all.

  • kinoumenthe

    I was going to say that Korean dramas tend to help a lot in my case (or alternatively Japanese ones, but they usually are shorter). For the past few years, I've had a string of pretty hard summers where I had to take care of elderly family members, and I usually end up checking out what's currently showing on sites like Dramabeans and picking up a series or two to help me cope with the estrangement and boredom. (finding suitable subtitles is often a good opportunity to exercise my google-fu.)

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Unfortunately, and very difficult to break, simply falling asleep with the television on helped me through my last breakup. I saw someone else on a separate thread mentioned giving that up for Lent, and that might be what it takes to break the habit. Nowadays it's my vidoes on my laptop instead of the L&O reruns. I never had that habit, but he preferred either tv or audiobook/podcast on to fall asleep - so it was something we did at his place, but rarely mine. Afterwards, it was both comforting and zoning out. I didn't even realize what I was doing until it was ingrained.

    I need to get myself back to reading in bed instead.

  • Maguita NYC

    My father passed away very suddenly, very unexpectedly. Doctors dream of dying the same way he did. Some call it a cardiac fracture, it probably has another more accurate name, but I can't remember for the life of me today: One moment he was up and laughing, and then in 1/8th of a second he was gone. The grief that swallows you is indescribable because you were not prepared, the thought never crossed your mind, there were no signs foreshadowing this moment. And stumping your foot on the ground in a rage apparently does not turn back time.

    What helped oddly was comedy. Blah comedy. Silly comedy. All those we now shit on because at a time or another they've let us down: Big Bang, HIMYM, Friends... Anything. And then 3 weeks later, I was watching HIMYM and Marshall's father dies. That was unexpected. The performance of everyone involved was very emotional and touching. I cried throughout that episode and for so long after, that I lost my voice. And it helped. My brother and I met after that episode and held on to each other for quite some time. It healed. A lot. Here's for unexpected mourning in comedy.

  • Wigamer

    I watched so. much. Big Bang...hardly any before or since, but after long days at a hospital you really come to appreciate entertainment that asks so little of you.

  • Berry

    The person (or persons) who downvoted you two is a real asshole.

  • Maguita NYC

    It's not an asshole... It's just not normal behavior. Steady grounded behavior.

  • Missy

    I was watching Lost for the first time while taking care of my elderly
    dog in kidney failure. It was a welcome distraction from her daily
    sickness that had made me so sad. I watched the ending a few days
    after she passed away and NO ONE prepared me. Jack and Vincent
    on the beach (wahhh!!!) It got me through but I will never watch it again.

  • kushiro -

    When my grandfather died, I had just found out that my girlfriend was sleeping with her best friend; they were starting a business in the same field I was failing miserably in and that she hadn't even thought about doing six months previously; and she was getting paid huge amounts of money for it.

    So that helped to distract me from the funeral. That, and drinking. A lot.

  • Ruthie O

    Oh that is rough. Have you listened to Tig Notaro's "Live"? Like you, she goes through a string of shitty situations (mom dies, partner dumps her, she gets cancer). She describes those months with such raw honesty; it's the funniest and most emotional stand-up routine I've ever heard. It's amazing how humans can go through so much, and still stand up to talk about it-- hell, even joke about it.

    I hope things start looking up for you!

  • Bodhi

    Tig is such an inspiration. A sardonic inspiration, but an inspiration nonetheless.

    My husband marathoned the Professor Blastoff podcast & said it can really hard to here her all chipper about recovering from c. diff & knowing that she was about to get her cancer diagnosis

  • kushiro -

    Thanks. It was a long time ago. All forgiven, and probably everyone involved is better off for it (well, everyone but me is better off for it, but whatever, I'm doing OK).

  • delle

    Just reading this has made me feel like I need a drink. Sometimes life kicks you when you're down...and sometimes life kicks you when you're down then does the frigging macarena on your head for good measure. Damn.

  • kushiro -

    Sorry for the downer. I think this was supposed to be about positive things that helped people get through a bad time, but I was in a mood today. But then sometimes nothing gets you through; you just gotta ride it out.

    Maybe one positive thing is that it's a 10-hour drive to the city where my grandparents lived, so at least I had something to think about to keep from getting bored.

  • HMDK

    Whiskey, Tom Waits, Alicublog, Manboobz, a couple of old friends and the remnants of my family. Oh, and reading Pajiba once in a while. (These are my usual remedies). Don't really feel like sharing anything more than that, beside my dad is currently recovering from throatcancer and that we've gotten closer in recent years.

  • I finally found a copy of 'Sharpe's Tiger' in a used bookstore
    yesterday. It was the last one I needed to complete the series. It was
    my grandfather who got me into them. He wasn't really much of a reader,
    but for some reason he really liked those books. When I was younger,
    he'd sit me on his lap and read them to me. Since I was, you know, four a
    lot of it went over my head, but it still kind of stuck with me in that
    way that things do when you're little. When I was old enough to read
    them on my own, I picked up a few here and there myself.

    Later, when the movies came out we'd sit and watch them together and talk about how they were different from the books and how they could have done them better. He died in 1999, before he got a chance to see how Cornwell finished out Sharpe's India series. About a year ago or so, my
    grandmother sold her house and sent me a box of stuff she said he would
    have liked me to have. There were a couple of his old Sharpe novels in
    there and I figured between these ones and the ones I already had I
    would help him complete the collection.

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