Pajiba

Participate in weird comment diversions.

On the home field, I usually read Bizarre magazine or compilations of The Onion. For away games, porn on the Blackberry is a fine way to pass the time.

Newsweek. I'm not sure I can poop without it. My grandma recently unloaded a few years worth of Ladies Home Journals on me, and those have been an interesting change of pace. I used to have a TV Guide filmography book but I finished that (It took a few years). Honestly, I could read anything while pooping. I'd rather read the shampoo bottle than be left alone with my thoughts and movements.

Nnnnnnngaaaahhhh! Post on Pajiba.

I never understood the allure of turning a necessary time out into an event. Mr. Lower could finish a George R.R. Martin novel in there. Me, I get in, get it over with and get out. If I'm reading I want to be comfortable somewhere. not perched on a plastic ring with one of my kids pounding on the door screaming, "Whatcha doing? When will you be out?"

Back issues of Time Out NY and three volumes of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader. There's another random trivia book in there, but I don't remember the title.

I've been known to talk on the phone, smoke pot and think - sometimes all three at once.

When over at my Mom's I'd read her People Magazine. The unoffical tagline, "People Magazine, enough cleavage to get you through a shit."

Normally read, or Web via the phone. I'll "save one" for work several days a week, to be sure I get all of the newspaper read.

Sometimes the cheap hand held electronic games.

I memorized all my lines for a high school play once strictly in the bathroom.

Like pisaster, I take whatever I'm reading, and usually end up getting so involved I sit on the trash can toilet for longer than is needed. The book I read when I pooped half an hour ago was Spook, by Mary Roach. Specifically, the chapter on reincarnation. I wonder if people ever reincarnate as poop. If so, those are some lucky bastards.

Do you crave local sexy pee stains in your area? * * * * * * * S E X Y T I N K L E S . C O M * * * * * * * More flushes than you can stink a fish at.

That is one fucked-up spambot, right there.

Normally read Wired magazine or whatever fiction or non-fiction I have on the roster at the time.

I had a friend who would use the phone while making iced tea. Now I know how Lyndon Johnson's assistants felt...

I could never, by the way, bring any electronics in there. I'm very klutzy.

Nothing other than the business at hand, because I am the world's fastest. I take a shit faster than most people piss. It's probably a superpower. In the Marvel Universe I'd be forced to register.

Sometimes I grab whatever is nearby to read, but lots of fiber usually does the trick. When we were kids we would sing or tap dance, prompting my Dad to name the kitchen powder room "The Sound Proof Booth."

Read. I have...intestinal issues, so a lot of times a good book is necessary. I keep multiple books in there, because before I go in I'll often grab one and just kind of leave it. I have my own bathroom attached to my room, so don't have to worry about how it would look to my sisters or parents. Of course, were anyone to use it then it would probably be immediately obvious what the books scattered in front of the toilet are there for.
In case you're interested in more awkward details or didn't get enough of a mental image, I currently have "The Stupidest Angel" and "You Suck: A Love Story" by Christopher Moore in there, and "Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress" by Susan Gilman. All of which I highly reccommend. Not only while on the john.

Comics, the newspaper, or the tabloids.

All of this because my parents happen to read them. I don't bring anything myself, because I find I can't concentrate when I do.

If there's nothing to read I'll start reaching for the back of shampoo bottles and tooth paste containers.

I can recite the types and amounts of ingredients in Crest whitening toothpaste by heart.

At home, I yell at Alastair to leave the door closed and give me some privacy.

At work, I play BrickBreaker on my Blackberry.

Schlegel - I thought I was the only one who read whatever random products are at hand!

I agree with AvB, the IKEA catalog is perfect; you don't have to think so there's no distraction from the task at hand, and its novel length so you can just keep coming back to it.

Read, usually The New Yorker. And speaking of read ... what the fuck are you drinking, DR? That's possibly the worst-written and most typo-filled post I've ever read here.

you’ve also might have noticed ...

siting next to the commode ...

What do you do to preoccupy ...

Not that there's ever a GOOD place, but the bathroom is possibly the WORST place to have your head up your ass. I just drank a pitcher of Yuengling and I'm more coherent than that.

You guys are gross. All of you.

Best crapper story ever (best read while on throne):

www.thewvsr.com/ryans.htm

This book has been flagged.

OH MY GOD buc that might be the funniest gross story I've ever read.

Typo? I don't make typos. I make smooshys.

and officially, sometimes I wish I could spell

I read grammar books, which sounds weird. It used to be Strunk and White and now it's Sin and Syntax or Eats, Shoots, and Leaves.
I owe the bulk of my editing prowess to bathroom reading habits, I guess.

It used to be actual books, but eventually my ass would go numb and I would realize I had been in there FOREVER.

And yes, if there's no book around I've been known to grab a random product and read about how my hair will be shinier or have fuller body or how impurities will be lifted right out of my skin.

*foul

I should go home.

I had no idea that reading the back of bathroom products was such a common toilet activity!

I feel so close to all of you right now.

There is some thing special happening right here. Something beautiful. Now when I am out of real bathroom reading material and I reach for the shampoo bottle I won't feel so alone.

Thank you.

I lose about 1.25 pounds.

I also create shit.

I punch myself in the thigh repeatedly in the hopes of dulling the horrific and blood-letting pain in my anus. Then I usually cry until the world stops spinning.

I eat a lot of cheese.

Based on this diversion, we're going to be seeing a lot more Preparation-H sidebar ads around here.

I usually bring my current book in with me. I keep all current magazines I have in there, too, but it's usually the book I read. If I'm at work, I always make sure to have my iPhone with me so I can play a round of LuxTouch (Risk for iPhone).

i think of new ways to spruce up my bathroom, honestly. i have a super random disorder that means i pee approximately eleventysplillion times a day, and if you spend as much time in there as that, you start thinking of painting all the walls different colors, and putting up multiple strands of lights around the mirror, possibly rearranging the books on the back-of-the-toilet bookshelf...maybe organizing the bath and body works collection? a new shower curtain? oh, and writing/drawing on the mirror with washable markers. those are absolutely genius. hats off to crayola. many a sonnet and/or to-do list have been written whilst on the loo. the end.

Daydream.

I have one martin sccorsese biography and a book about american directors, plus any megazine I can get my hands off in the 30 seconds run between figuring out I need to go and sitting on the toilet. I'm a nervous pooper so I also need to cover any face that might be looking at me while i'm there. seriously doesn't even matter who is it and how small the pics is, if it's looking at me with those small inquiring eyes I'm done, can't do it.

methylchoroisothiazolinone and ammonium laurel sulfate. Those were in my shampoo.

Well aren't you lucky, ahamos. The first I think is an aromatic - solvent / scenting agent. It I recall my o-chem right, it's in the benzene family. You know, the carcinogen.

Ammonium laurel sulfate is a detergent. Aside from shampoos it's used commercially to clean up things like auto-garage floors.

ohhhh and admin is the one-upper now

And Christian H made me just pee from my eyes.

After reading the one other thread I've read on this topic (a couple of years ago on another site, which was one thread too many on the subject), I try to take as little time as possible; just get the job done, quickly, and carry out my life in better venues.

And ever since I found out how Elvis actually died, the time I do spend in there is spent chanting the mantra:
"Please don't die on the shitter, please don't die on the shitter, please don't die on the shitter..."

But given the tragic irony that is my life, that is probably the very way I'm gonna buy it.

Um, nothing much. I poop, wipe, wash hands, leave. I'm quick (fibre is my friend). I used to read in the loo as a kid though, because it was one of the few little bits of privacy I could get. Large family, small house, you know how it goes.

For those here who require some time to persuade the kids to get out of the car at the pool, I offer the text of the poster which hung on the inside of the loo door at my sister's old university dorm:

"Kindly do not bite the door whilst straining."

I'm a poetry reader on the toilet too! I prefer "Where the Sidewalk Ends".

I also like flipping through catalogs or fashion mags. My attention span is pretty short in there, so I gotta have some pictures.

I've always said that when I have my own home, I'm gonna install a TV in my bathroom. And no one will ever see me again...

Read a magazine, Cooks Illustrated or Ladies Home Journal which my mother gives to me. I love LHJ for the "Will This Marriage Survive?" article. Like Charlie Brown, I keep hoping for one to fail, but they always succeed. The Onion is good bathroom material also. Or the newspaper if it's Sunday.

I have this phobia about doing it at work. Unless it's an emergency, which happens about once a year, it's waiting until I get home. Probably not a healthy habit to have.

At home, I'm in and out pretty quickly, so there is no reading material required. I just try to avoid the judging glare of my cat who seems to believe that using the bathroom is a two man job. In public bathrooms, I'm just trying to avoid touching anything that don't involve toilet paper or washing my hands. In other's bathrooms, it's a complex symphony of running water or coughing like I've got consumption since we all know that all toilets and bathrooms have built-in surround sound and operatic acoustics and that, right when you have to go, everyone decides to stop the music/movie/conversation and, I don't know, have a moment of silence for death of the dodo or something. When I'm done, I practically set myself on fire with matches, fill the room with any fragrant aerosol I can find (even cologne), and do everything short of a blood offering in the hope that the damn toilet will just fucking flush without trouble. Then, I have to act like it's totally normal to run the shower for only two minutes because of my burning interest in the water pressure of different shower heads and I silently pray that no one questions why the bathroom smells like a sewer filled with burnt gigolos. Or I just pee.

and I silently pray that no one questions why the bathroom smells like a sewer filled with burnt gigolos.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!

jM made me cry.

No one reads the Uncle John's Bathroom Reader? That book is downright mesmerizing.

I'm jealous of all of you "in and out" assholes. I need to incorporate more fiber in my diet. But until then, I also read Self magazine, the occasional shampoo bottle, and Tales from the Ballpark, which isn't mine, but still fascinating.

I play Pinball on my IPod touch, but only with the lights off.
Don't ask me why.

Bucaddy, that's not unusual about bathroom acoustics. I've heard singers actually rehearse their songs while they're in the can. The ventilation system, perhaps?

PSP...

you really want to know?? awesome.
I blog.
www.lilcrohnsie.blogspot.com

and i tweet
@lilcrohnsie

okay, not always while i'm on the can, but if I'm home and can bring my laptop you better believe I will update you on my poop in real-time. I used to just read Calvin & Hobbes on the can, but i got bored with being so passive.

Well, I was just reading the IKEA catalog...

I have as many as 3 Potty Pals at any one time: 2 cats and a dog, all of whom feel the need to solemnly witness the event. My dog goes to work with me, so he seems to be present for 90% or more of elimination rounds. He seems to like it. My oldest cat will repeatedly hurl himself against the bathroom door if it is closed. DO NOT THWART THE CAT!!!

Stephen Hawking. Cosmology just makes so much more sense when you're on the crapper. Perhaps there's some sort of anal-ogy between black holes and a toilet?

Veterinary magazines. I like to read about intraosseos catheters in puppies and feline aids. It helps me go.