Pajiba

Jerce's second one sounds far fetched, funtime's is probably #3.

As for me:

1) I've never seen The Princess Bride.

2) I got a ticket for freaking jaywalking.

3) My uncle was an extra in The Dark Knight.

Number 1 is Jerce's lie.

Number 1 is Genny's lie.

I can't think of my own stuff fast enough, so I'm going to watch the rest.

1. A pig walked out of the elevator at my work today. For the record, I work in a hospital...for humans.

2. When I was a wee one I got stitches right between the eyes and ripped them out.

3. I once ate my weight in Godfather's Pizza.

Aw, I love this game, which is bad for me because now I'm forced to play it.

Kayanne: 2
Kiko: 2

1. I have a strong sexual fetish for mutes. It's been there since I was a little girl, but only recently did I realize that the mushy twisty feeling was, you know, what it was.

2. I haven't had my natural hair color since I was 10, and since my roots are starting to grey, I guess I never will again. I've cried about this before and probably will again.

3. On a whim, I emailed a prominent strip club in Montreal asking if they had an opening for a dancer. They do. I'm strongly considerin applying.

Jerce, I say #2. Funtime, #2. George, #1. Genny, #2. Kayanne, #3. Kiko, #3. Jim Doggie, #1. Ling, #1. Kate, #3.

Here are mine:

1. I lost my right eye when I was a kid, and now I have a prosthetic.

2. I can turn my feet backwards and walk that way.

3. I used to stick ice cubes up my ass to pleasure myself.

Hmmm.. I'm guessing #2 for Jim Doggie.

Here are mine:

1. While working at Walt Disney World, I met Miley Cyrus.

2. I have had sex in public places such as the library at Penn State University.

3. My first kiss was on my 16th birthday.

Kiko #3
Jim Doggie #1
Ling #1
Kate #3
Lucas #1
Matt #2
Melissa #1

And like Jim Doggie, I wanna know when we reveal.

Also, Jerce I hate you for thinking of something so deliciously addictive. I have to be at the DMV tomorrow morning and should not be up all night.

(But really, thanks, great idea!)

1 - I voted for Obama
2 - I think this was a great idea
3 - I've never been married

1. Although I am an atheist now, in 10th grade I was considering entering the priesthood.

2. I once accidentally split my brother's head open.

3. I was technically dead for 3 minutes once, after a whitewater rafting accident.

We need answers people!

John W #2

Jerce-3
Funtime-2
George-1
Genny-3
Kiko-2
Ling-1
Lucas-3
Matt-1
Melissa-1
Kelli-1

Fair 'nuff, Kayanne.

#3 -- Just as it sounds. I didn't realize that "Do Not Use" sign was there for a really good reason until the train pulled into Sacramento and my head had been on it for 7 hours.
#1 -- For an acting class, I needed to come up with a physically difficult, but not impossible, activity. I threw up after cigarette #7, and swallowed cigarette #8 before my teacher stopped me and told me that I could die.

As for more guesses, #3 for John W. and #2 for Nate.

Nate #3
Battgirl #1

Lauren, I call #1. Nobody works for Uwe Boll and survives.

I should be working on a presentation right now. So much for that. For Tracer Bullet, I'm guessing 2 because I so want to hear the story behind 1.

#3 is the lie

#1 was an amazing experience that let me tell my ex AND his mother to fuck off because they didn't ruin my life

#2 Strom Thurmond was a complete scumbag and was probably hitting on the undertaker's assistant 3 days after he was dead

#3 my biggest dream up until a couple years ago. I don't watch that much baseball any more...

My Elementary School years were an interesting time.

1) I shattered my wrists and broke my right elbow playing Hide and Seek

2) I cried over a Game of Monopoly in front of my entire class

3) I punched a girl for calling my mother a whore

More guesses:
Nate - 2
battgirl - 3
Tracer - 1
Lauren - 1

My lie was #3:
#1 - One of the perks of working in the Magic Kingdom was meeting celebs that passed thru. Miley was there to shoot an ep of her show. She does indeed sound like a 40 year old chain-smoker in real life. And she had heels on that made her super tall.
#2 - That was a goal my fiance wanted to achieve before he graduated from PSU. I helped.

Wow, I've picked out three lies so far. I feel all squishy and warm.

I lied about #1. I still have both my eyes.

So yeah, as a teenager, I had this weird habit of putting ice cubes up my ass. I managed to get about eight at once. Yes, I'm talented.

And I can turn my feet backwards (pointed out). The tradeoff is that I can't really point my feet inward at all, and I walk on the sides of my feet and tend to trip a lot if I'm not wearing really wide shoes.

admin #2
RonnyK #3
Braski #3

Lucas I'm 21, I'm not ugly and I'm a virgin.

1) I've commited Arson

2) I've Stolen from Charity

3) I've have commited multiple Home Invasions

Damn you Kayanne correct, even as a kid you were told to never hit a girl

For the win!

I knew that if you were pissed that a girl called your momma a whore, your momma probably raised you well enough not to raise a hand to a lady (no matter how much of a dumb bitch she exposed herself to be). If you had said boy... well I would have had to amend my answer.

I'll say #2 for RonnieK just because I want to know how anyone could get so badly injured playing Hide 'n' Seek.

Damn. I should refresh more often. But I still want to hear the rest of that story.

Kayanne, I think I just found that Tonight Show clip on Hulu. Looked like fun. And how were the hot dogs?

I gotta get back to work so here's the reveal:
1. True. I went to Catholic High School and was considering the priesthood for a couple years, but by the end of senior year, I realized that now matter how much I wanted to believe in god, I just didn't.
2. True. When we were younger, my brother and I were into carpentry as a sort of hobby. One evening we were working out in the garage and my hand saw got stuck in a piece of wood. He stupidly leaned in for a closer look while I was still trying to pull the saw free. It slipped and caught him across the forehead. Head wounds bleed a lot.
3. False. I have been whitewater rafting exactly once and it was a wonderful experience. Never, to my knowledge, have I ever been dead, unless you count the ~14 billion years before I was born.

Take it as a compliment, Kayanne. We men assume that the only 21-year-old virgins are either ugly, socially inept or religious freaks. We think entirely with our genitals.

you folks are LIARS!

Oh, shit. Your googling skills are ridiculous. And OHMYGOD it's a bow, not my boobs!

Yikes, can we take that link down? Seriously. I don't want my Pajiba stalker(s) to run away screaming.

diablo #3

Certainly, K. I don't think they'd run away screaming, but as you wish. Now, if some kind soul knows how I can take comments down or edit previous comments, we'll get right on it.

Nope. Sorry, y'all are wrong. I worked on TWO of them. Gotta pay the bills. Please don't ban me. I worked for 2 days on District 9, that balances it out, right?

#2 was my lie. #3 was alotta fun, though the length of the date didn't correlate with the length of the relationship: we broke it off after a month. Still, it was a rad first date.

I'm 3 for 3 on the guess count. I need George & Jerce to pony up so I can get my total.

I know, eh? Your embarrassment is not available in my country! Dammit . . .

Don't worry Kayanne, at least your Canadian stalkers can't even see the damn thing.

Thank God America's hat can't get Hulu reception.

--K--
If anything, it will intensify the resolve of your stalker(s).
Must be going, this was fun! 'Night all!

1) True. Without getting into the sticky details (a gentlemen should never kiss and tell) I stood up too fast in the bathtub and hit my butt on the faucet. I've got a small scar at the base of my tailbone.

2) True. Despite my current status as Mandingo Sex God, I was born looking not unlike Calvin (Who know how appropriate that would wind up being?) My father called me Woodstock. The bastard.

3) False. I've been asked to strip once by a woman while I was in college, but though I've been propositioned by men on several occasions, I've never been asked to strip. Considering that everyone who guessed assumed this was true, I'm afraid I might disappoint during PajiBacon East.

alright, my reveal:

1) i just ran into david cross and amber tamblyn having dinner
true, they were eating at gemma on the corner of bowery and third (i walk by that restaurant everyday on my way home from school looking for celebrities and finally, with 3 days left, i was rewarded)

2) i dont have a tv to try and focus on law school
false, true of a friend of mine, but not only do i have tv, ive had it on all evening

3) i slashed my hand open while smashing a guitar when i was performing in a punk band
true, i was in a punk band. i was the drummer. i was dressed up like a banana the whole time (probably should have added that fact too). during our finale i picked up a guitar, strummed it a few times like we were all going to play and then smashed the shit out of it and a chunk of wood sliced open my hand. no scar unfortunately, but that would have been badass

I can't keep up with all these lies and truths and who's revealed already and who's guessed what and so forth and so on.

1. I was once saved from an arrest on drug charges because the cops searched my friend before me and the clown car of condoms he ended up pulling out of his pockets completely distracted them.

2. I owe my curvaceous physique to my Italian grandmother and her infectious love of all things rich and carby.

3. I lost my virginity in an open barn in the middle of a frigid-ass winter, on hay bales, at the age of fifteen.

gp I keep trying to reclaim my life from Pajiba's lost and found, but they won't fucking let me! I'll never escape this place! And now that they have that Jay Leno video, they'll own my sould forever.

Okay, only Jerce and George haven't ponied up yet -- so I'm just gonna weigh in on theirs: Jerce #1 (Tasmania is way the fuck away) and George #2 (murder might not get you a ticket in Las Cruces).

My turn:

1) I bought beer at a convenience store when I was nine.

2) I lost my virginity when I was nineteen.

3) My ex-wife blew a lawyer for acid at Burning Man.

PaleoLithChick, ah er um, I'm going to guess #2.

Che, #1.

Melody, #2.

Edwina #2
Paleo #3
Che #1
Mel #3

Jerce YOUR LIE: #3 -- The priest thing.

Che Grovera YOUR LIE: #3 -- The thing about your wife blowing the guy for acid. That is SO not a thing an acid tripper does. It would fuck up the trip.

admin YOUR LIE: #1 -- You've never been paid for sex.




Okay, here are my 3 things...

#1 I've been paid for sex.

#2 I once jerked off a Yorkie.

#3 I had a large featured role in a Spanish movie when I was 5 but ended up on the cutting room floor because they decided to turn it into a soft-core pornographic feature.

I hope you guys are still playing when I post thing. And Kayanne you have given me a valuable tool in our ongoing war.

1. I've had over 8 different dogs in my 20 years.

2. When I was on the wrestling team I lost my first match to a girl.

3. I was once part of an acoustic duo known as the Superfluous U's.

Damn, Che -- my first instinct was to call you out on the virginity thing.

Mary O' #1
Utah #1 (although, if that was your pick, then it is true, making all three true and you a non-liar lie-teller? *just broke brain*)
Rhyme #3- Although you would make a hipster douchebag duo, but I bet it was something even more ridiculous, like, "Emo, you don't."

Rhyme, I hate you because I have no idea what you plan to use against me (my virginity or the wieners). You're a monster. Between your taunting and the DMV tomorrow I'm fit to be a bitch this week.

No answers yet, Kayanne. Got to give the rest of the kids some time to play.
But yeah enjoy your "fame".

omg kayanne, you are such a corndog.

but seriously...

(have lars call me)

Yeah Buc. We all know you were on Jeopardy, man. Make it difficult for us. I'm going to assume you have too much fashion sense for Dennis Miller to poke fun at. That's the lie.

C'mon, MO'C. The name of the dude from Yorkshire you jerked off was Alastair...and Almodovar was making movies when you were 5, so that's entirely plausible.

Hey, , --

Why don't you at least make it challenging, you broke SOB?

Posted by: Che Grovera at May 12, 2009 1:06 AM
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So I'm a lousy liar on the 'Nets too. *sigh*

1. Lie. It was $18,500.

2. Never got caught.

3. Dennis went to the same college I did, at the same time. We didn't know each other but we had some friends in common, guys I played air hockey with, also I kinda knew his brother Jimmy. Dennis showed up one day and commented on the game going on, had people on the floor. Couple years later he was on the way up and had a gig at a club in Pittsburgh. I had to cut in front of the stage to get to the restroom, and I had on a sweater with a zipper down the front. He said something about did I get that at Proving Ground, which was a kind of geek chic store in a suburban mall (South Hills Village, for anyone who knows/cares).

Rhyme, I believe the dog statement. I also find it plausible that you got your ass handed to you by a girl. This leads me to select number three. Even taking into account your love of wordplay, I'm pretty sure you haven't yet met someone who would want to name a guitar duet superfluous U's.

Maryscott, #3

Utah, #3

Optimus, #1, although I have to question your meaning of "had".

The Truth About Me

#1 is TRUE. I have been paid, literally -- cash money -- for sex. Long ago and far away, back when I was a drunk, over 12 years ago, though I won't tell you where. (If you get to know me, or troll my blog long enough, it's pretty easy to suss out the timeline, but who gives a shit, really -- unless you discover you were one of the men who PAID for it -- da da da DUM!) For 4 months, I was a quite highly paid escort. So there. Funny; there was a time in my life when that was a source of deep shame. Now? Who gives a shit.

#3 is TRUE. I had a large featured role in a film shot in Spain; they recruited me as part of a group of little blonde girls at a private school I attended while my family lived there. We were all supposed to have a few lines, but I was a natural performer and none of the other girls could speak, so I got all their lines. Alas, after my part was all done shooting, the hack of a director, watching his dailies, realised he was directing a bunch of shit and decided to convert what he had into a soft-core porn feature. And so my large featured role became a fleeting shot of me in the background of a really, really bad piece of shit soft-core porn film, whose title I will not share with you even if you find me and waterboard me 283 times.

#2 is FALSE. It was a poodle.

A female poodle.

Wait, Kayanne is a Canes fan? I'm a Cane! Nifty!

Seriously, past and future since I officially graduated from Miami last May and I'm going back to grad school there this coming August. Unless you don't mean the University of Miami Canes, in which case I'll show myself out.

Che, I call your bluff.

And I think you should all know that the acoustic band I was in was called The Rebound Kings. The Superfluous U's was just my idea for a Brit-Pop group.

Aaaaand "Emo, you don't" is what you've titled your diary that you right in your Lisa Frank journal.

buc do not speak ill of my Canes. They can make it Tuesday! I'll be so broken-hearted if they don't. And I'm kind of hoping that Washington wins, because my uncle is a big Capitals fan. Nothing like a good sports rivalry to cause a riff in the family!

ZuZu #3

Unless you don't mean the University of Miami Canes, in which case I'll show myself out.

Wah wahhhhhh

Sorry, sugar, we're talking Carolina Hurricanes. GO CANES! This is hockey talk. But don't feel bad, I got uber-excited when you said you were a Canes fan and then bummed when I found out we were on differently levels.

That's not a unicorn! It's a horse with a sword on its head. She protects my hopes and dreams.

Oh yeah? Explain the kitten wearing sunglasses and a tutu?

G'night, America.

G'day, Australia.

Jealous of you meeting that big-chinned goon? Did he laugh at everything you said? He does that to everyone.
And really? 'Canes? It's all about the Wings. There's a reason they're from Hockeytown, you chaste young thing.

Rhyme, cover your shame!

Che, it's on. give me a minute.

Ugh, Rhyme you would like the Red Wings. You probably like the Yankees, too. Communist Band Wagon Fan.

And Che, my love for Hockey goes deeper than the Canes. I had some family members who played (they're from Maryland, you see) and I was fascinated by it. The technique, the speed, the intensity... Then I went to the RBC center and caught my first Canes game and the rest was history. I don't just like 'em cause they're locals and I've been to Brind'amour's house (a friend was house sitting), I like hockey because it's amazing and I like the Canes cause they're wonderful and fantastic and they're so cool. And ohmygod when they won the Stanley Cup I almost cried. Don't hate me for what I love, respect me for the passion I have for it.

Well, folks, it's almost 11:30 pm here in Los Angeles, and while for you night owls that may seem like nothing, it's way past my bedtime. So I bid you goodnight, knowing that by the time I next check back here the discussion may well have swelled to past 200 comments and I may not have the will to slog through them all...

Besides... I really don't care all that much.

My truth: I was adopted twice, by the same family.

Rhyme....I just......ugh. So disappointed.

Che you didn't lose your virginity at nineteen.

You know what, when you first told me that, I did feel guilt? But as a kid I knew defeats. It's hell, but it builds character and makes the victories even sweeter. Although if I had been there when she was crying, I probably would have hated myself.

But, ya know, GO CANES!

Fine, I'll kow-tow. I was a professional hair dresser Che. So, yes, I can hook your shit up better than you. I am fucking magic when it comes to colour.

I've never been paid for sex, at all. in any form. So, was I right?

Che, as you did not abide by the rules of the contest, you have committed fraud and defaulted to my victory. Therefore, I win. You owe me one Pajiba-dare.

1) I lost my virginity at Great Adventure.
2) I discovered Pajiba six years ago when I accidentally surfed a Christian based movie site.
3) My first orgasm was the day after my bar mitzvah. It involved the men's Olympic diving team.

1. i appear in a duran duran video.

2. if my dog and anyone else were drowning, then i'd save my dog first.

3. i caught a foul ball in toronto, hit by joe carter, during the world series.

i'll take a stab at the last few people:
queenorngain - 2
kamikaze feminist - 1
jim of the lower case- 2
nadine - 2

1) When I was a kid, I once designed a "flame thrower" out of a super soaker, kerosene, and aluminum foil and convinced to of the boys in my neighborhood to test it for me
TRUE: And every time I think about how badly those guys could have gotten burned/hurt NOW, I break out into a cold sweat.

2) I am a badass roller derby player
TRUE: Heidi Volatile, #3-2-1 from Red Stick Roller Derby reporting! Flat track roller derby is better than therapy, y'all.

3) I can play the guitar with my toes
FALSE: I do own a guitar, but I haven't even mastered playing it with my fingers. The only instrument I really play is the saxophone (which I play very well).

(go leafs go)

Posted by: celery at May 12, 2009 7:23 AM
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To the golf course, in April, as usual.
---
When you get picked for "Jeopardy!" among the first things you have to do is come up with Five (5) Interesting Things About You to Talk About With Alex. This was surprisingly (and depressingly) hard to do and keep it G-rated and/or not go on record admitting to any crimes.

This thread kinda reminds me of that.

are we supposed to respond if someone makes an allegation/prediction on which is the lie?

1. I was almost ran over by a city bus in Florence when my high heel got stuck in the cobblestones of the street.

True - In my defense, it was not like that stupid J.Lo movie. I also may have been drinking/bar crawling. The shoes I had on were stellar. Spike heel, gray satin with beading on the front. They were awesome.

2. I failed my driver's test the first time I took it.

False - I passed the first time I took that.

3. I am afraid of pet birds.

True - I was attacked by a pet bird, which actually bit through the upper part of my ear before it could be removed.

kballs, I'll say #3.

Pinky,
While I am very familiar with The Vortex, you would have to be naked or have a supersoaker for a pisser to get it all over you and your husband, let alone the hundreds of people in line. I say #2.
And judging from your comments on this site, I fully believe you could tough out a broken tailbone until getting cleaned up and prettified.

Oh, Kballs, you saw right through my lie. I was hoping there were few familiar with the Vortex.

1. I did break my tailbone playing soccer. I ran into a male team mate and flew about 4 feet in the air. I landed on my butt and had pain shoot through my whole body. I got up and played the rest of the first half and all of the second. I went home and went to bed. I woke up unable to get out of bed. I rolled out and walked to the living room. I laughed and told my aunt I needed to go to the hospital because I thought my butt was broken. I did shower first and then went to the hospital. When the doctor brought in the x-ray of my broken coccyx, my aunt began laughing hysterically and asked for a copy to frame and hang in the living room.

2. Peeing on the Vortex is a lie. I am so bad at lying.

3. I have terrible panic attacks triggered by driving, standing in a store, thinking too much, etc. I take medicine for it now and go to therapy to work through it all. I have been prescribed a dog. Ha!

sorry celery, cold-hearted bitch, 1 - OCD, 0

Melody,
You got it, although 3. is a half-truth. I've only stepped in dog shit barefoot once. It got between my toes. I just dry heaved again.
1. I went to four different colleges over a 10 year span before earning my bachelor's. That time was split by the Navy, leading to . . .
2. I went on a Navy group sightseeing trip *somewhere* in Japan where my buddy got really drunk and yelled horribly inappropriate things, all day. I started to join in, thought better of it, and worked on getting him to settle down, all day. When I returned to my ship, the captain found out and fucking lost it. I could not leave the ship for a month. Living on a Cruiser for 30 days when you're in port is a nightmare.

HAH. I was right about admin.

I love being right.

And Che, you still have not copped to it, but I'm betting I was right about you and your virginity, too.

I deserve to pony up, my lie was number 1. I don't live in Las Cruses Che, I live in Los Alamos.

LOS ALAMOS, the atomic city, and the cops are fucking fascists here. Everywhere else in my state, there are problems with criminals, but in a closed community made up of mostly well off white people, the police are fucking insane. I actually feel sorry for them, they really don't have much to do.

I would have answered earlier, but I've been sleeping a lot because of a cold.

Kayanne, I just find it surprising that anyone would willingly remain a virgin past age 18. Are you really religious or something?

The most entertaining diversion to date! My life is boring in comparison!

Skitz, they're lies, ALL LIES!

I'm such a lurker on Pajiba, but I just have to reply to the comment left by Lucas. Really man? "willfully" staying a virgin? Please don't assume that us 18+ virgins are locked into a chastity belt of religiosity. Instead, consider that we might actually take sex seriously and haven't met a guy we want to get that intimate with yet. Whenever I end up talking to guys about sex, they seem so surprised that a hot jew with big boobs is still a virgin at 19. and that pretty well explains why I still am. So much pressure is put on high school and college-age girls to have sexual experience before they're mature enough to handle it, just because it's the thing to do. So now most of my friends who have had sex did it for all the wrong reasons. They don't care about the guy, refuse to accept they're being used because they're horny and don't know how to masturbate. And they're not exactly proud of their random hookups either. For my friends who are in loving relationships and have had sex with their boyfriends, good for them. I hope to meet a guy I care about that I can have fantastic sex with, you know, soon. But why lose my virginity in a situation I'm going to regret? That doesn't sound very Pajibalicious to me.

Ryan, I'll say #2, because if #1 and #3 are true then you're adorable. Though #2 is hot, if not splintery-sounding.

..guess it's my turn.
1) I insulted the bassist of the Decemberists with a well-intended email my friend and I sent him.
2) I met BJ Novak after he did standup, determined not to call him Ryan, and introduced myself by saying "Oh my gosh Ryan you are one of my favorite comedy writers!"
3) I missed my senior year of high school almost entirely due to illness that has persisted into college, making me miss about half of my freshman year.