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There, That Wasn't So Bad, Was It?

By Tater Barley Banks | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (47)

dmv1.jpg

Well, THAT was a chore.

It took parts of five days to move Tater Tot three blocks and then I looked around her new apartment, which is the size of a large dorm room with a kitchen, and thought: THIS is all the stuff you have? It took five days to move THIS?

Huh.

Yes, it was a chore shlepping boxes in 95-degree heat but … I guess it could have been worse. Connecticut could be a dry state or something.

Anyhoo, we then headed back to West by-God because her car was more than a month past being legal there (yeah, we’re outlaws) and to get her driver’s license renewed. This required a trip to the DMV. We pulled up to the office and it was a challenge to find a parking place. Oh dear sweet honking Godtopus, the place was crowded, and I thought, this is going to be a nightmare. I envisioned our dessicated corpses sitting there, cobwebs floating around them cartoon-style, after waiting a year or 13 months for our number to be called.

Instead, it took maybe 45 minutes (we played “Now serving number …” bingo while we waited), and the DMV people even seemed reasonably pleasant about it, which now that I think about it is how they usually are.

Did I ever mention that I get my teeth polished at a place called Gentle Family Dentistry and the people there really ARE gentle?

Truth.

So, this diversion is about experiences you’ve had that you just dreaded, you were steeled for the worst, you knew you were headed to hell, and then … it really wasn’t that bad. In fact, if you’re willing to admit it, it was even kinda … nice.

Maybe reading this diversion is one of them!

And if you’re just one of those negative types who can’t find ANYthing nice to say about anyone … well, first I want to high-five you, cause you’re usually right, and then invite you to counter with experiences in places where you thought, “This is going to be easy, piece of cake, everything hunky-dory here, I’m in complete control of this” and … not so much.









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Comments

I had a hangover like that once. I woke up sick to my stomach, on the verge of puking, dizzy and with a world-ending headache. I thought to myself "well today is going to suck" and then took two aspirin and it all went away and I felt fine the rest of the day. It actually made me a bit mad that the hangover gave up so easily.

Posted by: slagzoo at July 17, 2010 4:09 PM

I dated a guy like that. He asked, and I said yes because I was taken aback and didn't have a prepared tactful response. But then it worked out really well (for a while). And I pretty much only have good memories of him.

Posted by: esme at July 17, 2010 4:24 PM

My foreign husband and I headed to the Immigration Office to be interviewed about the validity of our relationship and his green card eligibility. We were loaded up with photos, bills, anything we could think of to make sure they didn't deny him his green card and kick him out. And....it was no big deal. The dude just asked a few stupid questions (are you a communist?, etc.) and that was that.

Posted by: Kiddo at July 17, 2010 4:25 PM

Anal sex?

Posted by: superEdna at July 17, 2010 4:28 PM

And it's superEdna for the win!

Posted by: Groundloop at July 17, 2010 4:37 PM

diving off the high dive board.
meeting air supply and Jeff foxworthy.
making friends with Leo DiCaprio and David Hayter meeting two people who actually were from Napoleon Dynamite's hometown. and meeting a Muslim i could be best friends with.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 17, 2010 4:38 PM

meeting a Muslim i could be best friends with

Is your real first name Mel?

Posted by: SB at July 17, 2010 4:49 PM

Unquestionably it was breaking up with "crazy chick". I won't go into details should the interwebs ever bring her to this comment (doubtful, but meh). Anyway I had a past history of hurting people because I did not handle this correctly - and by that I mean not actually doing the break with thee ritual until it became self evident in bad ways.

It was tortuous leading up to it. She knew things were messed up but had no idea. But for once, one time in my life the tuning fork was resonating solid off my emotional state and I was sure. It had to be done.

I won't say it was pleasant during the actual act, but holy shit weight lifted after. I thought I would be all wracked but I was actually able to process that everybody was better off (trust me, everybody was far better off) and it almost felt good, in a messed up way. I was alone relationship wise, but happier. Tells you all you need to know pretty much.

-Frob

Posted by: frobme at July 17, 2010 5:02 PM

When I was getting divorced, my lawyer advised me to definitely show up on our court date and be prepared for the judge to lecture me and my now-ex because he always liked to push couples with children to work things out. Well, I'd spent 3.5 YEARS trying to work things out, so I didn't relish being emotional and being next to my ex who had been just awful to me during the whole process. I was very, very nervous.

And so I showed up, and found out there was a substitute judge that day, and that my ex hadn't bothered to show up. It was a best feeling of relief. The downside was that our settlement agreement had been lost by the courier the night before, so it wasn't actually finalized that day. We got the new one done and I risked NOT going back to court...and the judge signed it without a quibble. I was divorced for two weeks before I even knew it.

Posted by: Wednesday at July 17, 2010 5:18 PM

I moved to New York City in December on about $800. I didn't have a job and couldn't afford an apartment, so I stayed in hostels and applied for whatever I could find. I ended up getting a job as a busboy and was in the hostels for three months before I found a place to live.

It was very hard, but I wasn't stabbed or shot, and I didn't get bedbugs from the hostel beds. And not long after I moved into an apartment, I ended up getting a much easier job at the restaurant that pays exactly the same. It's not something I'd want to have to do again, but it's good to know I can move to the most expensive place in the country with almost nothing. I'm an urban nomad, y'all.

Oh, and being kinda sorta homeless for three months makes you appreciate what you have. I've got a place to live, something approximating a bed, a cat, two and a half jobs, air conditioning, and friends. And I've made a life for myself in New York. Go me.

Posted by: Lucas at July 17, 2010 5:42 PM

no i love jews too just as much as i love muslims.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 17, 2010 5:56 PM

I pushed out a baby-- in our bed, at home, with no drugs. It took a long time, but wasn't really so bad. I'd chose that over hospital birth any day.

Lucas, good on you, I found moving overseas to a foreign country to be easier than moving to NYC.

Posted by: Mrs Smith at July 17, 2010 6:13 PM

I recently needed to get my SSN updated to reflect my current name (never got it changed when I got married, and I kept the name in the divorce) as well as get a legal birth certificate, and get a new passport. I had been putting off the SSN thing for 10 years. And the rest of the bureaucratic BS had me shaking in my boots. At the end of the day, it was all very easy and not at all threatening. Silly that I let it go this long over a dread of bureaucracy. Plus, I found out where old hippies go to work. The SSA!

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 17, 2010 6:16 PM

Last year's family vacation. I didn't want to jinx it so I didn't go this year.

In the words of Lloyd Dobler:


That was a mistake.

Posted by: grace b at July 17, 2010 6:18 PM

I just went through the naturalization process myself. Sent in my application back in mid February, processed fingerprints in early May and within a month, I'll be a full-blown gringo.

Trust me, having seen and heard horror stories, I am glad this went as smoothly as it did.

Posted by: Fredo at July 17, 2010 7:18 PM

When I got my divorce from my first wife I did it by myself (no lawyers involved.) She just wanted out and wasn't even in the same city.

I had spend the night before my court date drinking and eating chili with my brother and sister-in-law, so the next day I was in fine form.

I got to the courtroom and they had all the cases with lawyers up first, so I had to sit there, feeling like sewage, clutching my cue cards so I would remember what I was supposed to say when it came my turn.

The judge was literally throwing paperwork at the lawyers and belitteling them. "You know better than this" etc.

Finally it came time for the do-it-yourselfers. I figured I'd have a couple in front of me but NOOOOOOO. I get called right up.

I screwed up my courage and it was like somebody had flipped a switch on the judge. He was the nicest guy around, guided me right through it and then signed the paperwork.

All in all, not a bad experience.

Posted by: Uncle JR at July 17, 2010 8:21 PM

Che, I'm thinking it was maybe a bit of both- and that hopefully the first choice championed over the latter, though that depends on the mood I'm in when I'm imagining it.

Posted by: Bill (Formerly Bill) at July 17, 2010 11:05 PM

Che, guess I'm going to have to let you wonder...

Mrs. Smith, I'm preparing to do the same, though not at home. Good to read your comment. Sadly, for every woman who advocates natural birth there are eleventy-four who tell me I'm a total crazy person.

Posted by: superEdna at July 17, 2010 11:21 PM

I got a spring internship at a State Senate, but I was postponing graduation until that May instead of in December right before it, and I needed to continue school loans.

I imagined all this terrible paperwork, along with finding an apartment last minute. And then... the internship coordinator for the school took care of all the hard paperwork, and even fedex-ed me some papers they needed me to sign, including a return envelope. Along with an apartment find that was relatively simple, pretty easy.

Posted by: e at July 17, 2010 11:43 PM

I should include with above that I was dreading making all the final paperwork just to graduate. (While not even being in the same city) Making credits fit where they needed, etc, as I kind of unorthodoxly spread them out. And yet all the signatures from department heads came through easily, it all freaked me out, considering other people I saw get screwed.

Posted by: e at July 17, 2010 11:45 PM

Coming out. I thought it was going to be all like "I didn't raise no queer, get out of my house" but instead it was more like "We know, now be quiet, the TV is on"

Posted by: JR at July 18, 2010 12:38 AM

Today at Costco at 5pm. I got in and out in less than 20 min. Although I was so proud of my rapid escape plan that I forgot to use my coupons. The husband and I stocked up on soda, seven 32 packs to be specific. The receipt checker commented "Wow, kid's bday party huh?" Heh, no. We have no kids. That comment never gets old. Thanks.

Posted by: laundress at July 18, 2010 1:10 AM

Getting into graduate school. I put it off for FOURTEEN years after getting my BA. Fourteen years, people! My undergraduate GPA wasn't anything to write home about, so I was too terrified to even apply to graduate school.

Then, after 14 years of building up my courage, I studied my ass off the for GRE. I mean, day and night for months. And when I took it? It was so fucking easy. I blew the top off of it. I kept thinking the scores must be wrong. Nope.

So then of course, I imagine not getting into the university I wanted to for my master's. I drove myself crazy, made myself sick, sobbed a lot. Decided if I didn't get in that it would be a sign that I should just forget it, FOREVER. Drama queen!

I got in. No biggie. I talked to my advisor later and confessed all my fears and I'll never forget her cocking her head with a tiny smile on her face like she didn't understand. I re-stated what I had said--how scared I was I wouldn't get into the program.

She said "why wouldn't you? You were one of our top applicants."

And I was always so down on myself I immediately thought "SHIT! IT'S A CRAP PROGRAM!"

Anyway. All that worrying, tearing out my hair, stomach aches, crying and studying for nothing.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at July 18, 2010 2:09 AM

OMG!!
How could I forget about going back to school?!
So I got a bit messed up towards the end of my college experience. Decided to try and drink myself to death for a couple of years. I ended up withdrawing from school and went to rehab. THAT wasn't the hard part.
I re-entered school with only a few classes remaining, one of which was the DREADED MATH 111. I was a fucking ENGLISH MAJOR! I don't need to know pre-Calc. I count on my damn fingers for chrissakes. I had already FLUNKED MTH111, and dropped it.
Anyway, at the tail end of the term, literally at the finals, I packed it in. I just was overwhelmed by it, and in hindsight I was probably afraid of graduating, because SWEET MERCY, THEN WHAT!!1!!! So I withdrew from school only needing 2 classes to graduate. 3rd strike on MTH 111.
I spent about 3 years having a fine time cleaning houses for a living, and met my future EX husband, who was on track for grad school. He helped me get up the courage to even look at what was needed to finish my degree, and even schlepped my semiconscious ass home when I hyperventilated when I found out that I couldn't take MTH 111 at Portland Community College without testing in. He made the call to Portland State University, and they took me immediately, as a graduating Senior from Western Oregon University. Suck it, PCC! With the help of an alcoholic tutor, who was possibly the best teacher I ever met, even 3 sheets to the wind, I actually PASSED the damn class. BARELY, but I did it. I also had an ANTH requirement to finish for my minor, and while I looked for a class that was going to be a walk in the park for someone who had already taken so much ANTH, of COURSE I blithely registered for a class taught be THE FUCKING ROCK STAR of the field, who had just written THE book on the subject. {facepalm} But, I kicked the ass out of that class, I set the curve. THAT was a nice way to end college. And after ALL of that, I still graduated with a 3.08.
So, I avoided it for years, and it turned out to be JUST FINE.
Oh yeah, and I've been sober for 14 years, and smokeless for 12, and that wasn't so hard either.

Now, just don't get me started on getting my Wisdom teeth out. THAT was a fucking nightmare.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 18, 2010 3:06 AM

Pregnancy. I cried rivers when I saw that evil blue line appear on the pee stick.

However, besides not being able to enjoy the nightly margarita, I rather enjoyed being pregnant. I only really felt like a big, fat cow that last week and a half, and even then I loved all the "you're ready to pop" attention I got from strangers. I loved it when people came up to rub my belly.

And now I have the coolest little dude to show for it.

Posted by: ThreeBrokenTickets at July 18, 2010 4:34 AM

On the hopefull positive side
about to enter a motherfuckers kept my money without me getting my stuff dispute with certain probably well known hipster douchebag internet retailer through PayPal.
Life experience tells me to batton down the PR bullshit hatches for many exchanges that say

-we didn't really listen to your complaint; just restated the parts of our policy we think apply despite the fact that just giving me back my money can be recovered on our part through our taxes

but maybe just maybe I will be pleasantly surprised and have most of my money back within the month

Posted by: PyD at July 18, 2010 5:10 AM

Root canal-the first one I ever had I dreaded for a week leading up to the appointment. It was pretty quick, and not so bad. So, of course, the second time I went back, I was all "yeah, this is no big thing"-that second one was absolute hell. gah. Way to lure me in, dental procedure.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 18, 2010 5:27 AM

Why was my comment from last night blocked, Pajiba? Have you decided that I am a troll?

Posted by: Jerce at July 18, 2010 9:31 AM

OOoooooooh....Well I was for some reason totally certain I'd die getting my rhinoplasty but made it.

I remember being really scared a few weeks back, the first time I drove out on my own with no instructor, examiner or parents, convinced I'd forget every single thing about driving.
As it was it was fine, I drove through rush hour traffic, didn't let anyone intimidate me and made it to work early and in one piece.
Only killed five pedestrians but I worked on that and by the next day managed to take out 17.

Posted by: Nadine at July 18, 2010 11:44 AM

Having many a "finger to check the prostate" tests, those are old hat.

I'm at the age now where I get to get the scope run up my ass to check for cancer. How much fun can I possibly have?

The worst part of this is the prep (the liquid diet, the nulytely that really cleans out the system), then afterwards, trying to get your system used to having solid food again!

God, I dread tomorrow! (The test is Tuesday, the prep starts bright and early tomorrow!)

Posted by: Uncle JR at July 18, 2010 12:19 PM

My fiance visa interview at the American Embassy.

Actually, the wait was pretty horrific. Not only did it take a year for me to get the interview (it was supposed to take SIX MONTHS), I had to get to the Embassy at 6:30 in the morning. We waited outside in the sun for an hour, then we were let in at 7:30.

I wasn't called until 12:30. Those were the four most horrible, most anxious hours I have ever experienced in my life. Every time they would call someone I'd get a little more tense. Every time they called me up to the window to ask me a quick question I'd be terrified that they would say I had missed some stupid piece of paper or another. I waited FOUR hours until the place was nearly empty (when I went in there were maybe 100 people in a waiting room which was thankfully air conditioned and not too uncomfortable).

So just as I was about ready to collapse from hunger and nerves, the lady called me up to do my interview.

And it lasted about 5 minutes. She asked me a few questions, looked nice, then pointed out that I just needed to come back in a couple of weeks and that that was it.

THAT WAS IT. It was SO easy. I've never felt more relieved in my entire life.

Posted by: figgy at July 18, 2010 1:00 PM

Lindsey with an 'e', did that anth professor happen to be Ken Ames? My husband got a BS & MA from the PSU anth department. They're an intense group. The former chair is now one of my facebook friends though, so they're a friendly lot too. And a bunch of drunks.

My diversion story was going to Vancouver BC for a weekend road trip with a bunch of Germans. I went into the customs office with them just to make sure everything went ok. The Germans were waived through and then I was interrogated for a good 10 minutes on the purpose of my visit and whether or not I intended to get the hell out of their country when the weekend was over. I was kind of shocked. Apparently they didn't want us freeloading Americans to get too comfortable. And this was even before GWB was president.

Posted by: katy at July 18, 2010 1:17 PM

katy
Sweet Mercy, It WAS Ken Ames!!!! And he was effin' LOVLEY. I walked into that class, PNW Prehistory, (HIS wheelhouse, for SURE) and it was PACKED with his ANTH groupies. All I wanted was an easy B, keep my head down, low profile. So what do I do? I set the curve on the first test. And since he posts the scores (sans names) on the board, suddenly EVERY ONE wants to know who got the 2. (basically a 98%) I was only there for the 1 term, so I never got involved with the group really, but they really did seem to be a fun crowd.

Che
I keep bringing up the Portland thing in the desperate hope that a fellow local will admit to living here. I KNOW I am not the only Portland Pajiban. I am from Salem area, and the folks have an Antiques store in Independence. So, there are a few more bergs for ya.
Congrats on the sober thing. The number of years are of little matter. But funny you mention the control thing. There are VERY few things in life you really CAN control. I find that just not putting the crap in my body is the easy part. It is stupid old LIFE that is tough. And we are all dealing with that.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 18, 2010 3:01 PM

Root canals, those, too. I've had seven or nine, I can't remember now. A lot.

For my first one, I was so terrified, I was visibly shaking all over in the chair. I tried to hold onto the chair arms to stop shaking so hard but that made the chair rattle. The endodontist and his assistant both tried to reassure me with no success.

Turns out it's really long and boring. Except for the fact that my body metabolizes Lidocaine really quickly (THANKS A LOT BODY, YOU CAN'T METABOLIZE FOOD REALLY QUICKLY, BUT DRUGS ARE LICKETY-SPLIT) and he kept having to re-inject right in the work area (and whoo it was fun when it would start to wear off and he's down in my jawbone with teeny tiny files), it was just a big snoozefest.

In fact, during my last two I really did just fall asleep. They have your mouth propped open and a big rubber in your mouth anyway. The endodontist was amused by my snoring. The only downside is dreaming and then JERKING while dreaming. That can be tricky.

But golDAMN root canals take five years to finish. BORING!

Posted by: Snuggiepants at July 18, 2010 6:32 PM

Being stopped at a road block and finding out that the cop just wanted a bribe and getting away with being over the drink drive limit with a R20 (about $3 something) bribe was way better then what I had prayed for.

Posted by: peanut at July 18, 2010 9:38 PM

Lindsey,

I've been reading Pajiba for years and have only commented once before. I live in SE Portland, went to school at WOSC for 1 year, PCC for several and PSU to finally finish my degree.

So...um...yay Portland! It's a great place to live.

Posted by: honeybee at July 19, 2010 1:08 AM

superEdna: I just went through the no-drugs childbirth experience 2 months ago, and let me just say that it was a million times better than my first one with drugs.

I guess this is my diversion story.

Child #1 took 60 hours of labour, multiple shots of morphine, 2 epidurals (yes, two. They apparently missed my spine or something with the first one) that they finally gave me after I had been in labour for 48 hours, and an hour of pushing. Needless to say, I spent the entire 9 months of my second pregnancy dreading the labour.

Child #2, no drugs at all, 8 hours of labour, 2 minutes of pushing (and everything was still intact afterwards)! It was a million times easier than I expected AND I recovered in no time! I attribute this to regular chiropractic care throughout pregnancy #2. As my Chiropractor said, I was a "slide". My pelvis was so perfectly aligned and baby so perfectly positioned, that she just slid right out. I guess it also helped that #1 had already stretched me out.

Once baby was born, I thought, would be the easy part. Two little girls should be a breeze, right? The last two months have been the most difficult of my life.

Posted by: Superfish at July 19, 2010 1:50 AM

My story: I took this class on Jacques Derrida and deconstruction philosophy in college. I stopped showing up after about Week Three, but didn't bother to drop it, figuring that I'd just take the Incomplete.

Well, little did I know that an Incomplete turns into an F after two quarters, and that, unless I took the EXACT same class with the EXACT same course name, I wouldn't graduate.

I got lucky and found this out the quarter before the last time this class was being offered. I was able to re-enroll and take the class again. Whew. Bullet dodged.

That is, until I inexplicably stopped going to class again at Week Three. I still don't know what's wrong with me. I actually found the class interested.

Well, fast forward to Week Eight. For the five weeks that I've been skipping class, the feeling of dread has been weighing progressively heavier and heavier. Finally, I have to choose between avoiding the prof and graduating, and I have to choose graduating. Instead of going to class, I wait until it's over. My prof is lounging around talking to students, and I'm lurking in the bushes, waiting for them to go away so that no one else is witness to my humiliation.

Finally, all the brown-nosers (or "responsible students," if you wanna go that route) leave, and I ambush the prof on his way to his car.

With trembling lower lip, I say, "Prof. Brown, you probably don't recognize me because I haven't been to class in ages. I know this is so stupid, but if I don't pass your class, I won't graduate. Is there anything I can do just to get a D?"

I expected him to unleash the full force of his wrath on me. I thought he'd flay me alive for being so irresponsible and disrespectful of him, the University of California, and Jacques Derrida, who was actually a guest prof at UCI that quarter.

Instead, he laughed a little and told me that he figured I'd be back. "All I require is two papers written over the course of the quarter, and you can turn them in anytime over the duration of the quarter," he informed me in soothing tones.

I thanked him profusely and fled the scene.

And then put off writing the papers until the night before the end of the quarter.

The topic of one of my papers was Soren Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling. And, let me tell you, I sure did identify with the title.

I worked all night and got the papers in just before the deadline.

The following week, I dialed the phone number for getting your grades with trembling fingers. Did I get the D I didn't deserve or would I have to wait another year to graduate?

Prof. Brown gave me an A-.

He is still one of my favorite professors of all time.

Posted by: Jelinas at July 19, 2010 5:57 AM

Quitting smoking. I have been crazy my whole life, especially in my teen years. Started smoking at 16 and kept on till 26. I was pretty sure I'd either kill someone or myself if I quit, so I never tried. Then my boyfriend got the patch, and it worked, so I gave it a shot. It worked. And it really, truly was not as horrible as I thought. I gained 7 lbs, which blew, but since I'm healthier now, I am working them off. And if I don't, I don't really care. I look and feel 30 times better than when I was smoking.

Posted by: nolalola26 at July 19, 2010 2:17 PM

ALRIGHT HONEYBEE

I live in NoPo, off Lombard (no really, it's nice) and I ALSO went to WOSC, but the damn name changed.

Come find me on Facebook. Lindsey Withan'e'

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 20, 2010 12:20 AM

Jerce,

Your comment was blocked last night for very good reason: your commentary is just too fucking boring and insipidly intolerable to expose such illiterate and unrelenting torture upon the fine readers that habituate this fine site.

It was just a discrete, personal insult to you, numbnuts, and you had to go and expose your exclusion to ALL of us more culturally refined Pajiba readers, thus solidifying your completely sullied reputation.

I advise you try to get in touch w/ Mel Gibson to see if he has an extra seat on his plane to share for you and his humiliating actions that have forced him to leave the US- it will save you a lot of illegal harrassment.

Better yet, see if that pedophile Polanski has an extra room at his Swiss cottage- the view is lovely and you can be as profane there as you wish, you deviant fuck, you.

Go about your business, folks, nothing to read here...

Posted by: Owning U Back at July 20, 2010 12:25 AM

This last week I bought a new car and I was thrilled because they said that they could order the plates for me, so that I could not have to get them at the DMV! This means I don't have to wait in long long lines! Yay! thank goodness for Hyundai.

Posted by: Utah Valley Oral Surgery at July 20, 2010 3:56 PM

Once I was given an assignment to give an oral presentation in college. I totally screwed up, but the class loved it. They thought it was part of my presentation!

Posted by: UAOMS at August 16, 2010 6:36 PM

You know the paper bag with poo trick? Does that really work?

Posted by: UAOMS at August 24, 2010 5:43 PM

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Posted by: Dr.Marc at September 17, 2010 10:34 PM

This is really a very helpful and very informative post. I hope many people can read this post. I really give credit to the people behind this article.When are you planning the next batch?


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Posted by: Dr.Marc at September 21, 2010 9:46 PM

I've had much different experiences at DMVs. I've waited for over three hours once because of DMV incompetence. Glad you're experience was better though.

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