Pajiba

Watchmeh.....

My hopes were built up so much and then....huh? The opening credits were awesome, Jackie Earle Haley was phenomenal, but the rest? Please, bitch. Ain't enough giant blue penis in the WORLD to make that worthwhile.

Until recently, it was 2001: A Space Odyssey, but I finally saw Eraserhead, which is officially the longest 90 minutes ever recorded. I can't accept the symbolism if the film doesn't make any god damn senses.

As for Lord of the Rings, Dustin, shut the fuck up on that. Just because you hated it doesn't make it any less awesome, the movie was long, but damn it, it was awe- some while it was at it.

Mary Reily. Ugh.

I'll say The Ice Storm. I remember reading about the film and the cast and expecting at least something tense and dramatic. And I remember leaving the theater thinking, "That was it?" I don't remember the movie at all, which has to be a strong sign of boredom.

The matrix. I have never been able to watch it without falling asleep. The first 30 minutes are awesome, however.

How to Make an American Quilt, the only movie I've ever walked out on because I was falling asleep.

They were having puppy adoptions in the theatre lobby, so I spent the rest of my movie time petting cute little dogs instead. Much better. At least it was a dollar theatre, so I only wasted one measly dollar on that waste of film.

Return Of The King
The English Patient
any of the new Star Wars films

Oh my God, let up on the LOTR hate, for crying out loud. How you can watch hours of battles, great acting and dialog, skillful direction and fantastic music and effects and still be bored is beyond me. Let the hate go, my friend. There are far more deserving films out there.

Face Off gets my vote. This film was nothing but Nic Cage (already a vote against it) and Travolta shooting at each other. In prison, in cars, in boats, in some place with a lot of glass, it was nothing but an eternity of gunfire. Talk about the fidgets. I kept looking at my watch (I'm one of those who will watch even a bad movie to the bitter end because I paid for it) every ten minutes. I'm getting antsy just thinking about it.

Also some Robin Williams movie where his kids die and go to heaven, and then he gets killed and goes there too, but the wife kills herself and goes to hell, and he has to rescue her. Dreadful stuff. There were a few interesting visuals but mainly it was a lot of emotional manipulation at the crudest level. I'd rather watch that centipede thing, or even Boxing Helena because at least it seems like you could laugh at those.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. 'Nuff said.

The Royal Tennenbaums

Great movie, but hard to sit through the first time.

Solaris. (The remake, not the original.)

I realize I will be tarred and feathered for this, but "Adaptation" seemed to me to last just a little longer than Shoah and at one point I going out for a walk and coming back to catch the end of the scene it seemed to be dragging so much.

Atonement was another one. I just didn't give a fuck about anything that happened in it. I could see why it was considered a good movie but I kept itching to fast forward most of the damned thing and just get to the ending already.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona is another one I couldn't finish. I gave up about half an hour before the ending, because nothing was happening, and I was bored with all the horrible characters. Not even Javier Bardem could keep me watching.

2001: Space Odyssey: I think I got 15 minutes into it by falling asleep.

Citizen Kane: I have absolutely no memory of this thing. I remember wanting to fall asleep, but forcing myself to watch so I could say I had.

DeadBessie:
Great call. Thought I had blocked that one out--What Dreams May Come.
The title even suggests that you are guaranteed to fall asleep whilst watching...

1. Glen or Glenda
2. Wild, Wild West
3. Two Much

Thanks for the title, lynx; now I won't accidentally rent it again. Up till now I just avoided anything with Robin Williams in it, which is probably for the best anyway.

Lost in Transla zzzzzzzzzzz

Exorcist 2: The Heretic

I think it's about 14 hours long.
3 of those hours spent in "locust perspective mode."
I mean, what the fuck.

Agree on the LOTR hate. If you cut the 45 minutes of Elijah Wood grimacing from each of the movies you would have two watchable movies left.

Lorna's Silence comes to mind, but that's just because I saw it recently.

the fountain.

so. freaking. boring.

Hmmmmm I rarely rarely skip through movies but I totally skipped through Mama Mia. Oh!

Terms of Endearment.

I never thought that was gonna end.

Battleship Potemkin. It was in a class screening two or three times, at least. I never stayed awake long enough to see the damn baby carriage.

Wall*E.

2001 a space boressey
No country for old bored men

Meet Joe Black. That was even during my Brad Pitt phase, when I didn't think he could do wrong. It was just painful. Not bad, per se, but I almost got to the point of pulling out my eyelashes just to keep from dozing off.

Bubble. Soderbergh failed me on this one:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0454792/

Some top flight contenders:

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
G.I. Joe
Juno
Mamma Mia
The House Bunny
Rendition

but the king mother of them all, There Will Be Blood, minus "the scenes". You'd expect heavy handed metaphor and high pitched noises to at least keep you awake, after all it seems to work for the Saw movies. (Though at least none of the Saw movies are 3 frakking hours long.)

I am Trying to Break Your Heart

I've fallen asleep on ONE movie in my life, so I guess it qualifies as boring: Elizabeth, The Golden Age.

Maybe it was the "living room" type theater where I saw the flick, or the Strongbow and BBQ Bacon burger they allowed me to inhale on the couch, but about 1/2 hour in, I was toast.

Sorry, George and DeadBessie, but I concur. I sat through all three damned theaterical releases of the LOTR movies, each time hoping I would get caught up in some of the magic everyone else seemed to be experiencing, and each time finding nothing to occupy my ever-wandering mind but analyzing why all of a sudden the Shire was so full of not-so-subtle homo-eroticism.

Seriously, armchair-grippingly, teeth-grindingly boring from beginning to end.

Runner-up: "The Straight Story," a Disney-associated live-action about a man who drives cross country on a riding mower. I saw this in a theater and started to believe I could actually hear my life ending minute by minute.

Good call on The Thin Red Line, donut. I was younger and dumber at the time, but I didn't make it through that one.

Traceer, Spider-Man 2? I love that movie just for the awesome that is Dr. Octopus. I want to kiss whoever thought up that casting.

Also, I have to put in my vote for new Star Wars #2 - we know she's gonna die and he's gonna go all evil ASAP so we get to watch them smarm around in a fucking meadow? She was such a badass in the first one and the second one was just a waste of celluloid.

Wall*E.

Posted by: ed newman at September 9, 2009 3:39 PM

NOOOOOOOO! Here we go again.

It was set in France. Naomi Watts was there. Someone was pregnant. There was this bit about scarves that piqued my interest. And it was the first reference I heard to a "Birkin Bag". The rest was painful. The kind of movie where you are waiting for it it start while eyeing the clock, as in, "Well, it's already an hour in, they'd better hurry up and set up a plot."

some quality Dig Dug time

Hee hee hee (snort) HA HA (giggle)

That made my afternoon. 80s nostalgia FTW.

My. Dinner. With. Andre.

I saw it 20 years ago and I sometimes suspect I am still watching it in some parallel universe. It never ended.

Magnolia.

I fell asleep and woke up to frogs falling from the sky, and I still couldn't bring myself to care why.

Secret Life of Words (Tim Robbins and Sarah polley).

Bleak, Slow. Quiet...but not even the tension filled quiet. Takes place on an oil rig in the north sea. lots of staring into the grey bleak sea-sky. ugh. Painful and no realistic resolution to their misery. or mine.

Legends of the Fall

Oh! Oh! Mission to Mars.
spoiler
Tim Robbins fucking froze solid while everyone in the movie cried and I just did. not. care.

Dr. Strangelove? Really? I mean, this all a matter of individual taste but Dr. Strangelove? Really?

ceejeemcbeegee, I concur with the Elizabeth induced boredom. I actually just saw it for the first time yesterday and I will tell you weren't toast because of the BBQ bacon cheeseburger, that movie was bor-ing.

I was also bored out of my fucking skull during the 1st LOTR, I don't even remember what that one was called. What made it even worse was that I had to write an English paper on the movie and the sheer boredom made it so difficult to pay attention and not try to fall asleep. In fact I think I ended up getting a horrible grade and that specific paper.

Not that it mattered, the professor of an English Literature course assigned us to watch the movie instead of assigning us to read the book; he was an idiot.

/tangent

London. I found it in the $3 DVD bin and bought it because Jason Statham is in it. I waited patiently through the boring beginning, because I knew that once Statham arrived, there'd be plenty of ass-kicking good times, and it would all be worth it.

2 painfully long hours later, the credits began rolling. And there had only been one pathetic fight scene. I almost cried. I was promised (by the presence of Statham on the cover) that there would be ass kicking! I want those 2 hours back, dammit!

What is that movie with Harrison Ford and the robots? You know the one. It's like a bad nightmare that won't end, sharply contrasted only with the soft, supple features of that robot chick that didn't know she was a robot. It was dark. DARK dark. So dark you cannot have a single light on w/in 50 yards or it's unwatchable.

Oh yeah. Blade Runn.... (snore)

A definite tie between "There Will Be Blood" and "Broken Flowers." I didn't know you could be homicidally bored until TWBB.

Hey Bethany....*whispers* "I loved London". shhhh, don't tell anyone. I hear most people think it is a horrible, horrible movie and yes, it may be, but it has Jason Statham. Jason Statham doing drugs no less. How can anything be boring when you have the gorgeous Statham getting all coked up and going fucking apeshit on a bunch of young, rich, pretentious socialites??

Second The New World.

Also Alexander.

It's bad when Colin Farrell, Christian Bale, or Angelina Jolie can't keep me interested.

88 Minutes. Which I was dragged to, by my mother, then still under the impression that Al Pacino was still relevant.

I second Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It was about an hour and six battle scenes too long.

Two come to mind: The English Patient, and Moulin Rouge. HATE HATE HATE. And I was just so terribly bored.

Admin, I'm sorry to do this, but this is my biggest spelling pet peeve:

DEFINITELY.

My apologies.

The only two movies that I have ever intentionally not finished were quit not necessarily because they were bad (though they were) but moreso because they were the most boring piles of garbage I've ever tried to watch: Ocean's Eleven (The original Rat Pack version), and Across The Universe.

Also, my film snob card will be revoked, but I hated Wings of Desire for this very reason. The cinematography was amazing; I've never so hated such a beautiful movie. But god was it dull. I still can't quite believe that I never shut it off.

Ugh, that Adam Sandler dreck that came out this summer was awful. It's when I discovered my new watch had glow-in-the-dark hands as I was constantly checking it.
Of all thime though? Well, the only movie I ever walked out on was something with Ryan Phipippe like 10 years ago. I think it was 'The way of the gun?'
I did get my moneys worth though, as then-boyfriend and I 'did it' (our oh-so-adult terminlogy of the time) in the back of the theater as word must've gotten to everyone besides us that the movie sucked donkeyballs so we were the only ones there.
Hey, in high school, a parent-free dark place to boink is worth the even-then exhorbitant price of movie admission.
So,
Movie: fail
Crossing public nudity and lewd behavior off bucket list: win.

Doctor Controversy, I completely agree about There Will Be Blood. But what's worse than being bored by the movie is having a LOT of people tell you how stupid it makes you that you didn't get it. Excuse me?

I found Extract to be really boring. When you can't wait for a 90-minute movie (starring Jason Bateman!!) to be over, you've chosen the wrong movie.

Brokeback Mountain.

(ducks)

There was a good story there, but it could have been told in thirty, forty minutes tops. The endless landscape shots made me want to aerate my skull.

Speaking of which: I didn't think LOTR was boring. This is because during the day-long LOTR love-fest my high school boyfriend subjected me to, I mentally composed a dissertation on homosexual subtext. Unfortunately, I betrayed my lofty academic goals when unable to conceal rampant snickering during the scene at the end of the third movie where they all jump on the bed in slow motion. And then make sweet, hairy love to each other.

I think "The Talented Mr. Ripley" was by far, the most boring movie I have ever had to sit through. That movie was terrible and dragged on and on.

Honorable Mention to "Any Given Sunday"

I'm sure my choice will dismay many a movie aficionado and I'm sure I'm missing the subtle nuances or some other crap, but good god was "Glengarry Glen Ross" a snooze-fest. Take out the whole Alec Baldwin "pep" talk, and I can't remember one other thing about that movie.

Oooh. Peter Jackson's King Kong. Something like an hour and a half before we get to see the fucking ape. I thought it would never, ever end.

Superasente: You just reminded me that I also fell asleep halfway through Blade Runner. It was mind-numbingly boring to me. I woke up and they were fighting and I didn't give a damn about why. Uuuurgh.

Two words: Jim Jarmusch. I keep giving him a chance, and sometimes it pays off (i.e. Night on Earth), but, my God: Broken Flowers, (90% of) Coffee and Cigarettes, Ghost Dog (which I wanted to love so, so much), Mystery Train (fuck you, it's awful), and Down by Law (which, again, I wanted to love)? YAWN.

For the record, I love some of the (traditionally) Most Boring Movies Ever: Slacker, which achieves some kind of Zen state; There Will Be Blood, which is a Grade A, God-Damned laugh-riot from front to back
that, if it bores you, can prove you have no soul; and the collected works of David Lynch.

In regards to Deer Hunter: If that wedding scene could be cut in length by, say, an hour-and-a-half, it might be great.

memily: another vote for "Into Great Silence". I think that's the only movie I've *ever* fallen asleep while watching in a theatre. And I stayed awake through a film festival movie about old French guys eating soup...

I will have to agree with everyone who has said The Thin Red Line. That is the only film I actually stood up to walk out on, then I couldn't bring myself to do it.

Then again I will also agree with those that said The New World.

Terrence Malick can suck my nuts. Quit asshole. You're boring as fuck.

2001: A Space Odyssey, without exception or apology. Single most boring hours of my life.

Has everyone repressed the memory of Benjamin Button?

I haven't seen it. The previews looked boring and my mother, who thinks golf is great to watch, thought it was boring.

So I will never see it.

Eraserhead

I thought I was going to crawl out of my skin. My friend was a big fan of David Lynch, but I just couldn't do it.

Recently, Wolverine. Of all the reactions, I didn't expect that one: frequently staring at the ceiling, at my shoes, wondering how the hell this was worth £7. Easily one of those movies where you quickly wonder how it could possibly have been anything other than awful.

The Thin Red Line. I saw it with my brother, who kept asking me what time is was and then saying "When is this gonna be over?" And my response was "It can't be over yet. We haven't even seen George Clooney."
Perfect example of a movie that looked action packed in the trailer, but turned out to be so looooonnngg and so goddamn slooowwww.

Henry, thank you for saying Benjamin Button! I completely second that. Also, some movie called The Cat's Meow, I believe, that had Kirsten Dunst in it. It was a murder mystery and I swear, an hour in, no one had died. Or I just hadn't noticed.

The original Cache: Maybe I was a victim of hearing too much hype about the director, but this film wasn't tense enough nor interesting enough to hold my interest.

Titanic: Fucking dull and overrated. If I wanted to indulge in the long drawn out tale of a boat sinking, I'll listen to Gordon Lightfoot's Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald. It's much shorter and has far fewer annoying characters.

Eyes Wide Shut: Boring and unsexy. Nothing kills a boner like knowing a couple is on their last legs, and the lack of chemistry between Cruise and Kidman was far too obvious.

"The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford". The length of the title alone is indicative of the length of the movie... looooooooooong. sloooooooooooooooow. booooooooooring. zzzzzzzzzz....

I'd like to agree with those before me on this one: The Thin Red Line was fucking interminable.

*eyes narrow on meaux*

i own and watch smilla every couple of years.

Spirit of the Beehive. Without a doubt. Spirit of the Goddamn Beehive. It just kept on going and going and going and then it ended and I was in a coma for three months.

Oooh! I thought of one. The Happening.

I didn't hate the twist/idea as much as most people, but damn if that movie wasn't a whole lotta nothing much. Booooorrrrrred.

I checked my watch every 2 minutes during the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Even Johnny Depp couldn't keep me interested.

Oh man.

Gummo. I wanted so badly to like this movie... but it just bored me and brought me down. Poor Foot Foot. Now I'm not even interested in his other film, Kids. I feel like it will be the same, only instead of focusing on those two boys... it will be one boy with aids spreading it to young girls.

At this moment I'm watching If and I am pretty bored. I feel like nothing has happened in an hour.

David, I saw Cache with three friends. After it was over, we all agreed that if each of us had been alone, we would have walked out on it.

Too lazy to look up whoever said My Dinner With Andre, but I heartily second it. I only made it through 40 minutes, and I think I checked my watch about 100 times.

My weirdest boring movie is the one I thought both too long and too short - The Sixth Sense. The beginning of the movie was eternally boring, and I kept saying to myself "the plot better start soon". Then I found out Bruce Willis is dead, and I thought "Great! Now the psychic boy and his ghost friend will discover and thwart a plot to assassinate the president or something." And then the movie ended.

The New World. Worst. Movie. Ever. A 2.5-hour CK1 commercial with no purpose other than proving that Terrence Malick took "Pensive Cliches 101" in film school.

Also, The Longest Day. Yeesh. *shudder*

It's a toss up between Transformers: Revenge blah blah, and Inland Empire. Obviously, Inland Empire was a better movie than Transformers, but it was still too long.

The Notebook and Garden State. FF FF FF. Juno to a lesser extent, because my boredom was occasionally broken up by creeped-out-ness and irritation.

Film Studies classics that bored me so much I wished I could've fast-forwarded through them: Citizen Kane and Battleship Potemkin.

Also, either Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood or Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. I honestly can't remember which it was, but I walked out on it, and my friends, after 20 minutes.

Someone shoot Nadha!!
Quickly...
With a big gun...
Eastern Promises and A Clockwork Orange? Are you insane?

I must also agree with the Battleship Potemkin opinion, as a film student I understand why that movie was important but as a human I cannot spend 20 minutes of my life watching the Bolsheviks wait idly for the tsar's navy. And I've had to watch it three times! That's an hour's worth of watching bored Russians stare at the ocean. No. Not okay.

Also, Lady in the Water. Don't know if it was good or not, seeing as I fell asleep in the first ten minutes and woke up to the final credits rolling.

The slowest, most boring movie I've ever seen is the early 80s Werner Herzog flick Fitzcarraldo. And when it was over I was SO glad I sat through it, and I'll absolutely be watching it again.

Eastern Promises dull?! Nothing featuring Viggo's mini-Viggo could possibly be boring (if you're not into dudes or penis, yeah, granted). Perhaps an appearance by mini-Viggo in the LOTR trilogy would have kept all the people in this thread from hating it so much (probably, no).

I loved the whole trilogy, have the extended versions on DVD, saw all of them in the theater. But I can see why others would find them boring.

Recently: the last 12.5 hours of Funny People.

Kudos for bringing up The Thin Red Line. Not only was it a snoozefest, I was sitting in the front row of a balcony for it, my right leg was wedged in and fell asleep. I envied my leg for its ability to nod off in that situation.

Benjamin Button & Howl's Fucking Moving Castle

Seabiscuit.

I left the theater twice to wander around the lobby while my horse-obsessed friend watched the whole thing. And loved it.

Three-way tie:

Spiderman

Lost in Translation

Eyes Wide Shut

I agree with There Will Be Blood. I guess I kind of liked it, but at the same time it bored me to tears.

Trois Couleurs didn't so much bore me, as lull me into a deep and nearly irrecoverable emotional apathy. Especially Bleu. Atmospheric subjective psychological exploration of one woman and her grief complete with hamfisted color-coded metaphor for 98 minutes? Groan. I made it all the way through with one sole reason, and that was to impress a guy. A guy who turned out the kind of douchebag who thought it was awesome to invite a girl over to watch Bleu. Actually, looking back, it was probably the next best thing to roofies for broke arthouse loving douchebags. If only I'd had the Pajiba Third Date guide back then.

I had no idea you were such a Garfield fan, Deistbrawler. My apologies.

every Tim Burton movie i think because i sleep every time in the theater!
and the last boring movies were:
Wolverine
GI Joe
Transformer 2
Inglorious basterds(for the first time of my life, i send textos during a movie in a theater)

Since there are many votes already for The English Patient, so I'll go with The Girlfriend Experience. There are just no words to fittingly describe the dullness.

What's eating Gilbert Grape.
I was 15 and all I can remember thinking was "something has to happen soon, right?" It never did.

The "Curious" Case of Benjamin Button.

The only curious thing about it was that so many people thought it was profound instead of a three hour black hole in my life.

*"Last YEAR at Marienbad"* God, so boring I got the bloody name of the damn film wrong.

Oh, and "The Man Who Fell to Earth." How can you have an adaptaion of a Walter Tevis novel, David Bowie, and it still puts you to sleep?

Southland Tales: I was really in the mood for this flick...weird director, crazy assembly of a cast, interesting premise, hated by mainstream critics ...and NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED!!! I was literally shaking with anger when I left the theater. All build up and until about half way through when all my desire to watch the damn thing left me...but I stuck it out cause something must happen... and nothing ever did. The fucking most boring movie I ever saw.

Phantom Menace: I fucking hate Star Wars but I was seeing a chick at the time who was really into it. Take all the annoying shit from the first movies, remove what little charm it had, and replace it with utter shit CGI and a annoying alien minstrel. At the end of it, I turned to my girl and ask "Was that really worth the wait?" About three days later we broke up.

AI: Jesus fucking Christ I hated this flick. If either Spielberg did the whole thing, or maybe if Kubrick could have finished it before he died, I may have liked it. But this thing came of as two rambling films spliced together. I spent the entire time fantasizing about that kid getting thrown into a trash compactor.

Lost in Translation: I don't know why this movie is so celebrated, and I am open to the notion that I just don't get it...but I felt like I was trapped in an elevator.

Wild Wild West: As a kid, I grew up loving this show on repeats. I walked into the theater, expecting it to be cheesy bad like the show...I didn't expect it to be so damn boring.

Postman: At least Waterworld was laughably bad. The Postman was like watching paint dry.

Majesky hit the nail on the head. I adore some Jim Jarmusch movies--Ghost Dog, Broken Flowers, Night on Earth--and dislike others--Dead Man, Mystery Train--but all his movies are fucking boring.

Rabbit-Proof Fence. We went to see it on a school field trip. The film is only a little over an hour and a half long and I fell asleep three times. THREE. I'm still not sure how it was possible. All I know is that there were three girls walking by a fence, then I dozed off and was woken by friends and they were still walking by the same fence. Repeat twice more and I woke up in time to see the credits starting to roll. I have it on good authority that the girls who weren't kidnapped halfway back to their families got to live happily ever after, but quite frankly I didn't care at that point. I don't even think it was a bad movie - the bits I was awake for seemed nicely made and whatnot. It was just mind-numbingly dull.

I'd have to say Pride & Glory was just entirely too long and boring for me. Then again there's only so much Colin Farrell one can take, even if you have Ed Norton to detract from his douchiness.
Also, Dustin your an asshole. LOTR is the shit, yeah its long but the battle scenes make you wanna fuck some orks up. And who doesn't love that?

The Motorcycle Diaries. The star is beautiful (Gael Garcia Bernal, I think) and so is the scenery. I remember very little else about it.

I agree with so many listed above, especially The Fountain. Beautiful imagery. Boring as hell.

Also agree with Thin Red Line. I didn't fall asleep but I did leave the room a lot to do laundry, which was more interesting. I can't remember what it was about.

"Once" - yes, once was more then enough for this boring movie.

A River Runs Through It beats all of the above stated movies.

Someone will probably put a curse on me for these:

Sound of Music
Mary Poppins
Anything Harry Potter

The Good Shepherd, not even Jason Bourne could save that snoozefest...or, I'm just not smart enough for that there movie.

Right on, Mook! Howl's Moving Castle was dull, pretty, but very dull. And not really that engaging which is unfortunate because usually I loooove Miyazaki's stuff.
Sigh. So much potential.

Brenia- I had a generally amusing philosophy professor in college who made all of his classes watch "A River Runs Through It" and was convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that those who fly-fish understand life.

Hands down, The English Patient. No movie has ever made me want to kill myself more.

Barry Lyndon put me to sleep twice. So did The International. Lost in Translation is super boring, too. And INLAND EMPIRE only interested me in the ways it was terrible. Other than that, I'll mirror Lynch's bizarre penchant for demanding the film's title be in all caps and say OH MY GOD SO BORING.

Mission Impossible II.

Fell asleep watching it in theaters and have fallen asleep within fifteen minutes of watching it whenever one of my friends throws it on or rents it. The movie is more powerful than NyQuil.

Drawing Restraint 9 - some movies should just not be watched all the way through. one scene a day might have been pretty good
Benjamin Button - the most painful movie ever
LOTR 3 - they fight for like 3 hrs, then once the war is over and everything should be done the movie goes on for another hour.
Manos: the hands of fate - dear lord, this movie isn't even laughably bad, it is just boring.

I like The Thin Red Line for all the reasons that no one else does. But then again I also liked Into Great Silence.

The. Brown. Bunny.
A movie even a blowjob by Chloe Sevigny couldn't save.

I'll echo "Eyes Wide Shit". (Actually, a lot of Kubrick I find incredibly
long and dull. Sorry. Beautiful, but L&D.)

I fell asleep 5 times in film class watching La Dolce Vita.
I think there was something about a fountain in there....?

I agree with many already mentioned...and many of the descriptions here were more entertaining than the movies themselves! And...for me, I pride myself on NOT falling asleep in movies (that's what my husband does) BUT, I nodded off to...

The Firm (I don't like Tom Cruise anyway)
Far And Away (Yep, more Cruise)
Remains of The Day (I normally like smart British movies but this one bored me)
Forrest Gump (I CANNOT make it through this movie)

I can't believe all yalls on here who can't watch The English Patient. Next you'll be telling me you can't sit through the seven hours of Lawrence of Arabia without needing to use the bathroom once or twice.

Now Labyrinth, on the other hand... I only watch the parts with Bowie's leggings in them. The rest of those puppets are fucking annoying.

Someone already mentioned The Night Porter, but not as their prime choice. Now, I rarely find films boring. I notice that people mentioned There Will Be Blood, but I was actually intrigued by how and why the film was made. Admittedly, it is slow, and I'm not completely confident in my appraisal of that film just yet, but I wouldn't consider that truly boring. Night Porter, however, is boring because it doesn't try to be *anything*. It's a nihilistic 70's art film. Fits the time period, but it doesn't offer ANYTHING apart from resonating with people's depression and cynicism of the time. NO fun at all. At least with There Will Be Blood and Lost in Translation, there's a message in it.

I can't believe people mentioned the Three Colors trilogy and Howl's Moving Castle! HMC may be Miyazaki's weakest film, but it's hardly boring! True, the "spirits of darkness/green slime" scene is cringe-inducing (though that was in the book), but it was hardly *boring*.

Oh, and Max: Fitzcarraldo?! Are you serious?! I'm sorry, you might be a nice guy, but we can never meet. That's unforgivable.

Also, fuck you to the people who bag on Jarmusch. Jarmusch is brilliant, y'all! He's just different. Oh, and whoever said "fuck you" to people who like Mystery Train: start running. I will show you NO mercy.

But, you know, in all honesty, I can understand where you're all coming from. However, I was called a 'faggot' at work today for no even remotely acceptable reason, so I'm on a rampage. Great topic for a diversion, Rowles, but fucking hell! To each his/hers own, people! Jesus.

unbreakable. God. I saw it twice...not even sure why, I think maybe the second time it was part of a movie marathon.

SNORE

Diablo! Finally someone else who hated AI!!!
God, I hated that movie so much & I had a tight feeling in my chest for the last half because I couldn't leave the theatre early - opening night of a massive theatre, stuck in the middle seat if the middle row.
I kept getting evil stares when I groaned out loud at the sacharin drenched bullshit happening on screen.

En la ciudad de Sylvia (In The City Of Sylvia). Not very well known, but I've sat through most of the others people have listed here and this tops all of them.

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: I know, I know, Johnny Depp, but dude wore out his welcome with me about fifteen minutes in. The movie is like a long, long, LONG night on the town with your out of control buddies as they get drunker and drunker and higher and higher and more and more out of control and do stupider and stupider shit and it's not that funny because you're the designated driver so you can't join them. One of the few movies I would ever have walked out on and I wish I had (the only reason I didn't was that my husband, who was carrying the car keys, was a Thompson fan and was fascinated).

Also: Brokeback Mountain. I thought they were never going to come down off that damn mountain. (I know, I know, metaphorically they never did, yadda yadda.) I'm not sure what it is. Technically, it was nearly a flawless movie, but I should have been a sobbing wreck at the end, but instead I was like "Wow, that Ennis sure was dealt a rough hand, wasn't he? Wonder if there's time for me to swing by Starbucks before I need to be home. Oh, and maybe the grocery store, too."

And finally: The Dark Knight. Yes, I SAID IT. That movie was a good forty minutes too long, it "ended" like four times, Heath Ledger was one-note and tedious (yes, I SAID THAT TOO), I could barely hear Christian Bale, and the few scenes I really liked were not enough to compensate for the remaining two and a half hours of TEDIUM I had to endure.

Thank you. I feel much better now.

In no particular order:

March of the Penguins
Before Sunrise
Titanic
Sympathy for Lady Vengeance

Seeing the ScarJo picture reminded me of the Girl with the Pearl Earring...Colin Firth as Rembrandt and ScarJo the said pearl earring girl. That was some seriously boring shit, much worse than lost in translation.

Citizen Kane.

I think I watched the Thin Red Line too but I seriously can't remember any of it.

Oy! Benjamin Button, There Will Be Blood, Valkyrie, and some other damn thing we watched the same night we watched Valkyrie that was so damn awful Mr. Dammit and I looked at each other and literally said, Why did we watch that? It was so bad I can't even remember what the fuck it was.

Have you ever been dragged into a kids' movie against your will, just to placate your children? Your Honor, I submit any Scooby Doo movie.

Oh, and I FUCKED HATED WITH THE HATRED OF WHITE HOT SUNS BURNING MY RETINAS AND EVERY INCH OF FLESH FROM MY BODY........ AI

Vic: Sorry about your day at work, but that one moment of your life has more in it than the total runtime of Mystery Train. I'd start running for my life, but just the thought of that movie has sucked all the motivation right out of my day, so be my guest and return me to dust and ashes and make any memory of that movie go away.

The thing I find so frustrating about JJ is that I think I get what he's trying to do, but, in my opinion, he's often completely unsuccessful at saying it. The reason why Night on Earth and (parts of) Coffee and Cigarettes work so well for me is that he doesn't have the time to dwell so interminably on the spaces between when we exist. His movies are like when Warhol pointed a camera at the Empire State Building for twelve hours or security camera footage, except there's a promise of something happening that either does not delivers, or delivers so sporadically that events become inconsequential. Maybe that's the point, but certainly not one that needs to be hammered (and re-hammered home). I live that life; God knows I don't want to watch it.

piedlourde--the only thing I got out of that film was my now daily ritual of freeing my girls from the hell that is an underwire bra when I get home and shouting "FREEEDDOOOOOMMMM!"

MelBivDevoe--yeah, I'm not getting the LOTR hate either. I can see how it might not be your type of movie exactly, or maybe it was too long, but boring? No way. And enough of the homo-hobbit crap already. Apparently no one can be close to anyone of the same sex without also being attracted to them.

Another for my boring list--some Iranian film about a film crew that goes off to a village where a woman is near death because the villagers perform some ritual that's never been filmed before. The place is so remote that the main dude has to drive up a long hill to get cell phone reception, and even then it's shitty, with a lot of "hello? Hello?!" and "Can you hear me?"

Apparently they were so short on plot that they filmed at least five different sequences of Main Dude sloowwlllly driving his car up the hill and screaming into his cell phone. By his third jaunt up the hill, we were in hysterics.

Then Main Dude's film crew vanishes, and he wanders around for a bit looking for them, but his heart doesn't seem to be in it, and you never find out what happens to them or what the ritual is that they came to film in the first place. Main Dude finds an animal bone in the desert and tosses it into a river where it floats away. The end. Maybe we're stupid or not cultured or sophisticated enough, but we practically peed ourselves laughing.

Easy. Any Malick movie ever made and the last Lynch film...the name eludes me.

And I love most of Lynch's stuff. But that movie was deplorable.

1. Dune --- No matter how many times I've tried to watch this I always fall asleep within the first 30 minutes.

2. Wings of Desire --- Within 15 minutes of this film I wanted to shove a screwdriver into my temple, but then again that is my reaction to most German films.

Ok I got some more.

WALL*E was so boring, I could PUKE.

Battlefield Earth.. I was peer pressured into the cinema for that one. What the hell was that??

Star Trek - this movie was way too long and I'm not really into Star Trek stuff to begin with but it was my dad's birthday and for him, I sat through it with a smile (but eventually it made my face hurt)

Harry Potter movies - they are all like, really long and bad had-to-be-there stories told by a 12 year old or something.

The Kingdom, the Ridley Scott/Oleander Blue flick

Now that I've read the comments: it's good to see other folks in the Joe Black hate parade. GOD that movie dragged.

So interesting to hear what other folks found boring. I love Unbreakable. I thought The Secret Life of Words and Rabbit Proof Fence were really good. I was sobbing like a baby at the end of Brokeback Mountain, even though I'd read the short story beforehand. And Last of the Mohicans is my go-to comfort-food, home-sick-on-the-futon movie. I swoon every time.

The slowest-moving film I've ever seen is Chantal Akerman's Jeanne Dielman, 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles. I had to watch it for a class assignment in undergrad, and it's 200 minutes of the daily life of a single housewife and mother in 1975. No close-up shots, no sense of her interior life. Just three days of her getting up, fixing food, saying good-bye to her son, fixing more food, taking in one "gentlemen caller" an afternoon (nope, that part is still boring! you just see a closed door), eating dinner, going to bed, getting up and doing it all over again. I don't know if I could sit through it again (not everyone in the class made it and the ones that did were tearing their hair out), but it was worth it. Was it boring? Hell yes. Was that kind of the point? Yup. By the third day, things start to go slightly off-kilter and it's amazing how much you noticed the little things (SHE MISSED A BUTTON!! WHAT'S GOING ON, YOU GUYS?!). So the boring was put to effective use.

I agree that Buffalo 66 and Dr. Strangelove are seriously sleep-inducing movies. I would add to that Brazil (I kept jolting into consciousness and thinking, "It's not over yet?") and all three film versions of King Lear that I had to watch for a film class in college. There is no sleep so peaceful as the sleep I had during those.

I agree with a bunch of these, especially The Motorcycle Diaries, There Will Be Blood and The Ice Storm. A couple others...

The Cider House Rules

O Brother Where Art Thou

In The Bedroom

All the Pretty Horses

Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou and pretty much anything by Wes Anderson, including The Royal Tennenbaums. I just cannot sit through one of that man's movies

The Unbearable Lightness Of Being

Vic: It's entirely possible that I'm being a bit hyperbolic about Mystery Train. It may be a matter of expectations not met, as JJ-lovers' professions of love for it tend to go off the charts.

I wouldn't go so far as to accuse him of hackery - at least, not sober - or that he's trying too hard, in fact I feel like he's not trying hard enough. If I were an English teacher and he were a student, he'd be the kid who turns in a double-long first-draft essay that could be refined if he hadn't wrote it on the bus while he reveled in being oblique and pining for girls smoking cloves. I've got to give it a C, and beg him to edit. Edit, edit, edit.

The art that produces the most vitriol in me is the stuff that doesn't get there because of the lack of editing. For instance, almost any record released by Bob Pollard. Shitty stuff that's merely shit doesn't stick with me. The reason these movies stuck with us, is that they were striking for one reason or another in the first place, but they didn't follow-through on the promise.

Now, this might not be the case with JJ, but it's certainly the impression I get. The one that rides my mind most is Ghost Dog, because it's such a good premise, such a good set-up, and honestly beautiful, but to what end? Nothing? It makes me terminally frustrated.

Being the fan I am of all the "boring" movies I love, I really appreciate your assertion that they "just make you happy." That's exactly what I get out of Slacker, There Will Be Blood, 2001, The Straight Story, etc. The best way I can put it is a Zen state. At the risk of sounding like a filthy hippy, it's an open feeling of connection and understanding, and maybe that's just a matter of biorhythms or some such thing, I don't know.

I also don't know why some directors (Woody Allen, Stanley Kubrick, Sidney Lumet) can hold a shot forever, and I'm rapt, whereas with JJ, I'm lost in space.

Taking Woodstock. So long. So bad.

Virgin Suicides

The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

They should have named it "The Unbearable Length of a Three Hour Movie".

The English Patient.

They should have named it "You Need English Patience to Sit Through this Three Hour Movie".