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The Eloquent Christmas Buying Guide

An Afternoon Comment Diversion / Dustin Rowles

Comment Diversions | December 10, 2008 | Comments (90)

Piggybacking on our Holiday Buying Guide (where the comment section completely broke down into a virtual courtship between Pooks and Kayanne), Lainey actually proposed this comment diversion before the Guide went live, and it gives the Eloquents a chance to come up with their own Buying Guide. Lainey’s suggestion was this:

This Christmas, if money were no object, what would you buy for:

1) Your Parents
2) Your Significant Other
3) Your Child(ren)
4) Your Best Friend

And I’ll just add on to that and ask, what do you want for Christmas? And, as a parent and significant other, my needs are simple: I want the 2008 blockbuster trifecta on DVD: Wanted, The Dark Knight and Iron Man. Also, socks. A man can never have enough socks. I like the schmancy, colorful ones from The Gap. And as for the kid: He gets enough Legos to swim in. A goddamn Lego pool.







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Comments

I'm calling CPS. He'll choke on the Leggos.

Posted by: anikitty at December 10, 2008 2:08 PM

1) Your Parents
My mother would get an afternoon with Aerosmith in the recording studio, and my father would get an afternoon on the set of NCIS.

2) Your Significant Other
An afternoon as a Disney Princess of her choosing, complete with fancy ball, costume, and a stay in the castle of her choosing.

3) Your Child(ren)
My brothers will have to count for this category. Spartan armor for my youngest brother, and for my older younger brother an afternoon with Senses Fail in the recording studion.

4) Your Best Friend
A genuine TARDIS.

5.) You
Either enough money to start my own studio, a fully functioning Rocketeer jetpack with authentic helmet and flight suit, or a day as James Bond (complete with foot chase, car chase, big bad boss fight, and reprimands from M.)

Posted by: Mike R. at December 10, 2008 2:11 PM

1) a new house
2) a new car
3) a new car
4) credit card debt relief
5) Wi and all of its accoutrement

Yes, I'm boring...

Posted by: anikitty at December 10, 2008 2:11 PM

I'm seriously broke, so this is probably only going to make me more depressed:

1) Your Parents - Blu-ray player and new carpets. Yes it sounds tame, but trust me, both of them would be thrilled.

2) Your Significant Other - Not Applicable.

3) Your Siblings (don't have kids) - Spore for my sister, along with the massive Sephora make up kit and a PS3 and games for my brother.

4) Your Best Friend - Romantic weekend away with her husband while I watched their baby.

Yup, I'm feeling great about all the homemade presents and food that I'm gonna be making this holiday because I have no money. Woo!

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at December 10, 2008 2:12 PM

Note: When I said "Spartan Armor" I meant that of the Halo variety, not 300.

Posted by: Mike R. at December 10, 2008 2:13 PM

Oh, and for myself, fully furnished hurricane proof condo in Miami. With a view.

Posted by: Genny (also Rusty) at December 10, 2008 2:14 PM

Swimming in legos sounds unpleasant.

For mis padres: ski vacation to the Rockies.
For my SO: I don't have one, but I'd get my ex a few choice sex toys for when I booty call him.
For my BFF: a all-inclusive trip to meet the guys from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia
For me: a new car - preferably a saab or a smart car. They're so cute!

Posted by: Marra at December 10, 2008 2:14 PM

Oh, Mike R., I want a tardis so bad!

Posted by: Marra at December 10, 2008 2:15 PM

1. Vacation
2. Vacation
3. Vacation
4. Vacation

Seriously. There is no material thing any of us really want, but we all love taking trips. The kids, hubby and I will all go somewhere lovely and warm on a beach where we'll frolic in the waves and sand all day. We'll eat good food, drink good drink and sleep like rocks.
Note: Best friend and parents must vacation elsewhere.

Posted by: Cindy at December 10, 2008 2:24 PM

Parents: A Trip to Ireland
SO: Art Classes
(Siblings- no children): 1st Brother I would give debt relief and a ridiculously awesome new wardrobe and for the 2nd brother I would get guitar lessons and an condo in the city.
Best Friend: Money for her college education she has put off doing and brand new luggage.

Moi- I would like a cross country trip and perhaps enough money so that I could not work for a bit. Not forever mind you. Just a few months.

Posted by: miskubelik at December 10, 2008 2:24 PM

1) Your Parent: An anti-bitterness pill
2) Your Significant Other: A catamaran
3) Your Child(ren): If I had any, a rocking horse
4) Your Best Friend: A new husband

Posted by: PaddyDog at December 10, 2008 2:25 PM

1) I'll admit, my parents deserve something nice this year. So I'll be getting that hot tub that we used to have at our old house but we never could work out how to fit it in our new place. I'll buy the cement fixture for the backyard. This is partially a gift for me.
2) My significant other... *sigh* do I have to buy for all of them? Well ok, Belle and Sebastian's discography for M, Firefly on Blu-Ray for E, and a plane ticket for Pajibacon for Cara Mia.
3) NEXT!
4) Concert Tickets to All Time Low and a half-gallon of JD.

And for me? A really nice suit. Maybe a couple. Tailored so it's long enough to fit my arms. Different colors. I want to be legitimately well-dressed.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 10, 2008 2:27 PM

1) Your Parents - I would give my Mom the money that I "owe" her. My Dad would be happy with pretty much anything, including Guitar Hero for the PS2 we gave him earlier this year.

2) Your Significant Other - Hmm. Mr. McGee would get a new car, a new computer, Wii Fit, and the Chicago Bears. You know, the actual team.

3) Your Child - Monkey McGee would get that triceratops that roars and that she can ride. Also, a trip to Disney to hang out with Cinderella.

4) Your Best Friend - A house. She really needs a house.

5) Me - John Krasinski. Trust me, if I bought Mr. McGee the fucking Chicago Bears, he'll let me commence to fucking Mr. Krasinski.

Posted by: Dangle McGee at December 10, 2008 2:27 PM

Swimming in legos was my childhood idea of heaven. If they present a choking/drowning hazard then clearly the kid is not yet worthy of the awesomeness that is lego and should just be given safe, cuddly, stuffed animals. I'd also recommend a beginner's electrical set but some of the components are kinda tiny so it may be a good idea to wait.

For parents: satellite HDTV
For ladyhelmet: Wii games
For brothers: I dunno, what would you get a P.Eng and a 1st-yr med student?
For kids: none yet, thank godtopus. I'd happily give the kids upstairs a 1-way FedEx vacation to Siberia though. The parents would get an Amazing Race-style set of clues that would take at least 2 years to solve to find the kids, and in the meantime, peace and quiet in the helmet house!
For me: Entry to law school. No. Our own place. No, a 42" LCD HDTV. No, Canucks season tickets. Or maybe a fully functional MythTV HD HTPC. Ok ok, I'll settle for The Dark Knight on Blu-ray, with accompanying player and HDTV.

Posted by: lordhelmet at December 10, 2008 2:28 PM

1. loony toon parents: trips to visit my sisters' kids. they're crazy parents, but awesome grandparents to my nieces and nephews.
2. so: his birthday is on the 19th and Christmas is less than a week later (I kinda hate him), and I'm buying him an xbox 360 and fitness bosu (and THAT's why I don't get to buy a Christmas tree this year. awesome!)
3. BFF: geeky law school shit (maybe next semester's books, if I could)
4. Me: an external hard drive, new phone, new camera, new ipod. I haven't updated my gadgets in like three years.

1 out 4 things are actually coming true... that s.o. is SUCH a lucky bastard. Thanks, economy!

Posted by: Soto at December 10, 2008 2:28 PM

I forgot, since I don't have kids... I've given my nieces and nephews tons of crap from: Dollar Tree, Big Lots, Dollar General, IKEA, Ross, Marshall, etc. It's like they're the McDonald's value meal section of retail shopping!

Posted by: soto at December 10, 2008 2:30 PM

For the parents . . .
Father gets a soul. Mother bones that don't hurt. Together they get a few more years of health and financial freedom to enjoy the world.

Significant other . . .
Well these days that's me, myself and I, so I want the boat. 37 - 45 foot Ketch, ocean going, with high-speed digital world-wide satellite hookup, gourmet galley, library and gun room.

No kids (better for the gene pool, trust me.)
The nephews and godchildren get a fully-paid ride at the educational institution of their choice, and a year's living covered wherever and whenever they want. I think everyone should get a "genius grant" at least once in their life.

Best friend . . .
I have several. They are disgustingly happy, centered, whole human beings who associate with me for reasons that pass all understanding. I don't know what to get for well-adjusted people.

Scrooge McDuck / George Bailey '12
At least one of them would be able to fix the economy.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at December 10, 2008 2:35 PM

Dangle, PLEASE buy yo' lovah the Chicago Bears. And tell him to keep Lovie on, but only under the condition that he stop going for the 4th down in the red and start kicking some mf-ing field goals!!! Points on the board is better than NO points on the board, dude. ARG.

/end Bears rant

But I do love me some FORTE. A Forte/Urlacher sammich is to me what Ryan Reynolds Abs are to Dustin...

Just sayin', in case anyone wants to know what I want for Bebe Jebus Berday Presents Day.

AND, now back to the topic at hand...

Posted by: boo at December 10, 2008 2:35 PM

Parents: A house for each.
Significant other: No BF so I would buy myself a car
Children: No kids so I would get myself knee hi Chucks
Best Friend: A month at a spa so she could lose enough weight to get pregnant

Posted by: jadashay at December 10, 2008 2:39 PM

1. My Parents: For my mom-a shore house in Sea Isle and a new kitchen. For my dad-season tickets to the Phillies and a pair of testicles so he can finally have the courage to leave his controlling, manipulative, bitch of a wife.

2. Sig Other: Not applicable, but it would likely involve dvds, concert tickets, and a coupon redeemable for any raunchy act of naughtiness desired. Within reason. Semi-reason. No reason if I'm drunk.

3. Siblings instead of kids: For my brother-winemaking classes, a signed...anything by Brian Wilson, and a new car. For my sister-a townhouse, a hundred cases of beer, and the complete Pixar collection.

4. My best friend: A new wardrobe since he refuses to buy clothes, all of the crazy assed expensive kitchen appliances I could find, a lifetime's supply of red wine, and I'd donate a million dollars to the ALS foundation.

For me...I'd like to get rid of my credit card debt, but I'd settle for a signed copy of Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff Christ's Childhood Pal, a nice couch, and more time with my friends.

Posted by: Julie at December 10, 2008 2:40 PM

I have no children and no significant other. You and your wife trying to push me over the edge this week?

I do need a few more pairs of socks. I need to figure out what brand the last batch I bought were as they're great and some are starting to wear.

My mother is IMPOSSIBLE to buy for. I don't even remember what I got her last year. She doesn't really want anything, you know? Big TV fan but she's already got a TV and not many other fervent passions or hobbies (I don't know what my sister likes to do either, besides being a heavy library user. Should I pay her fines for her?). Without limits I guess I'd get her another house, though she did ust fix hers up pretty nicely. See? Impossible.

I'd buy my best friend the "The Wire" series box that I just got in the mail from her for my birthday yesterday. But I'm not spending too much on anything this year so I'll have enough money to have her visit and get us back to Disney World soon like I'd promised we would several years ago without having to worry about every dollar spent (had to get un-broke, better employed and get my own place first. It was a long, slow plan). I miss her and the mouse a whole damn lot.

For me? If money and legislation were no object: student loan forgiveness

"But wondering then, well what could peace of mind be like?"


Realistically, the 2-disc "Sounds of the Smiths", "The Writer's Tale" by Russell T. Davies, along with Doctor Who 4, Blu-ray Dark Knight, Hellboy II, Tropic Thunder, Burn After Reading, Sin City and Serenity I suppose. Oh and the Absolute Dark Knight big ass hardcover. Oh and all that stupid old shit like letters and soda would be good too.

Posted by: Jay at December 10, 2008 2:42 PM

Parents:
Mom would get one of them Excer-tubs, a giant hot-tub you can do muscle resistance exercises in, which would help with the osteoporosis. Dad would get a refinished basement with a Victorian Library/Den setup.
No kids, so sibs would get:
Brother1: A month of touring with Nickleback. They deserve each other.
Sister: A conceal and carry permit and 8mm pistol. I can't be around all the time to keep the douchebags at bay.
Brother2: A trip to Japan, visit to some Manga studio, and a cold shower.
Lastly, my wife would get a week a spa while I moved our asses out of our crappy 1-bedroom apartment and into some foreclosed McMansion.

Posted by: thecox at December 10, 2008 2:42 PM

My dad:national championship for the University of Alabama football team...Yeah, won't happen this year, but maybe next year.

My SO:not applicable

My brother:a really nice vacation for him and his wife

Myself:new bedroom and living room furniture, new carpet, and a new job. I'm so burned out with my present employer.

Posted by: rlr260 at December 10, 2008 2:43 PM

I hope this isn't just for the Eloquents, because I love the idea. I want:

1) A finally mold-free and refurbished house for my parents, and a week on the beach to recuperate from the year of home-improvement hell.
2) Umm, me, since hypothetical BF has yet to find me.
3) Little Brother 1: Bond car replete with gadgets, and Jackie-Chan style fight in a hardware store. Little Sister: Acceptance to Princeton, date with Michael Buble or Josh Groban at Pemberley. Little Bro 2: Real trebuchet and castle to beseige with it. Little Bro 3: A noble steed, six-shooter, play date with Davy Crockett where they win the battle of the Alamo.
4) Acceptance to an Ivy League history grad program, a car that will never die, trip around the world with a hot guy

Posted by: Empress of All the Russias at December 10, 2008 2:43 PM

Five. Million. Dollars.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 10, 2008 2:44 PM

Brother1: A month of touring with Nickleback. They deserve each other.

Bwa!!

Posted by: Julie at December 10, 2008 2:47 PM

1)I'd love to give my mom a house in Cape Cod. She loves that place so much. Plus, I'd have somewhere to stay for free when I go. My dad's dead, so he gets nothing.

2)Pseudo-Mr. vB is getting XBox 360. If $ were no object, he'd also get PS3 and some fancy thing he wants for his guitar. And slippers. He has these crap-ass old hiking boots he wears around the house as slippers. They look ridiculous with his bathrobe and flannel PJ pants.

3) I have no children, thank heavens. I'm way too lazy for children.

4) I would give my BFF a trip to his country. He's been here 5 years and hasn't been able to go back to see his family. He misses them. It's sad.

Me? Oh, I don't want much. Nice phat HD flat-screen, blue-ray player (and all of my DVDs replaced would be nice, but that's asking quite a bit since I have over 500, but since we're getting all fantastical here, I'll also ask for about 100 more to fill out my selection of classics), a condo in the fancy section of town... I'm sure there's more. Oh, Hitchcock Barbie. And a post-coitus nap.

(I'm pretty sure I'm getting a Nintendo DS, by the by. I'm pretty excited about it.)

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 10, 2008 2:48 PM

For my parents: I'd say a vacation, but I'm not sure they like each other enough. It might help, though. Only if it's a dry resort.

For my wife: Our house. Which would come FASTER, if the fuckstick representing the seller and Countrywide would step on the gas. Cock.

For my sister and niece: A Disneyworld vacation.
For my brother: A digital HD video camera, for the aspiring filmmaker.
For my other sister: Pay my mom's salary for two weeks so she can take my li'l sis to finally get her learner's permit. And then a car.

For me: Once that house thing is taken care of, I'd get me an olympic weight set, a C2 rower, and have a pull-up bar built into said house, since we'll be moving away from the CrossFit gym I helped build.

Until then, though, I'm quite pleased with the two new suits I just had to buy for my shrinking self.

Posted by: Sean at December 10, 2008 2:49 PM

Parents: I would either get them a new house outside the city or pay off their remaining mortgage if they wanted to remain where they currently live.

Best Friend: Some manhood...but seriously, he just got layed off last week so I'd buy out the note on his new motorcycle and give it to him.

Sibling: I would pay for her to finish college, while also giving her a stipend to live comfortably enough with her daughter.

Sig Other....

Posted by: PissBoy at December 10, 2008 2:50 PM

boo: Mmmmm...Urlacher... And yes, yes, YES to all that you said in your rant. When I become independently wealthy, much like all characters on daytime soap operas, I WILL buy him Da Bears and I WILL make him set that shit straight!

Posted by: Dangle McGee at December 10, 2008 2:54 PM

for parents: i'd send them on a fabulous vacation,and while they were gone i would somehow find a way to fix their financial worries. or i'd give them hardware floors in the kitchen/den.

SO: don't have one, and seeing as last year my ex and i decided we were too broke to get each other presents (our "love" was enough) i couldn't be happier

child: i don't have any, but my sister just had a baby. this christmas it'll probably just be baby toys/clothes/books, but i plan on spoiling her as she gets older :)

Best friend: a few of us are trying to plan a trip to vegas, so i would find a way to make it totally free for all, because we are college kids in tons of debt

for me: there is honestly nothing really huge that i want or need that money could buy. i'm just lucky to have good health, a wonderful group of friends, and the best family.

that being said, free tuition would be sweet.

Posted by: eat my shorts at December 10, 2008 2:54 PM

1. My Parents - A cure for my mom's incurable kidney cancer.

Aaand, switching gears to fun and positive...

2. My (in my case imaginary) S/O - Sex. Lots of it. Fun for us both!

3. Your Children - A bouncy castle, and the most elaborate slot car set known to man.

4. Your Best Friend - Dental work. I know that sounds really harsh, but it's what she would want me to get for her, if money was no object. I swear!

Reading this back to myself, I've decided that I am fairly pathetic. Yay.

Posted by: noodlestein at December 10, 2008 2:55 PM

For Me...(almost forgot) Property. At least a 100,000 sqft warehouse with plenty of parking outside, and then all the materials and money I would need to open my haunted house. It's my dream. I know I could make it happen for less than half a mil and by fucking jove...money isn't an object in this fantasy.

Posted by: PissBoy at December 10, 2008 2:56 PM

My Parents: Me. No, seriously. My folks like 10,000 miles away. It's the only thing either of us want, is for me to go visit.

My wife: Usually some combo of books, music, jewelry, fun knitting stuff, and something goofy.

Children: N/A, but the dogs always get fun Christmasy treats.

Me: I already bought a new bike. I need someone to pay for it. Stupid expensive hobbies! Also, the Dark Knight on BluRay.

Posted by: TK at December 10, 2008 2:57 PM

...and a pair of testicles so he can finally have the courage to leave his controlling, manipulative, bitch of a wife.

Oh Julie, that would be perfect for my Dad too. Or maybe someone with a truck driving license could help the both of us out?

Posted by: Cindy at December 10, 2008 2:59 PM

1) Your Parents
For my recently retired dad, a month long Fly Fishing/golfing trip for him and three friends. For my mom, a month long Fly Fishing/golfing trip for my recently retired dad so she can finally get used to the fact that he's retired and will be around the house. All day. Every day.

2) Your Significant Other
A a bunch of new yoga clothes from the yoga store she likes, a Vitamix blender, all the vegetarian cookbooks she wants, a trip to India in which she can cook alongside some experts and practice her yogas, and a working public transit system.

3) Your Child(ren)
I have no children. I do have a dog. And since I love my dog, so I am getting him a couple hundred bully sticks, a few jars of peanut butter, and maybe a few dog beds, so he has some place comfy to settle in whatever room we're in.

4) Best Friend
A kick-ass local job for when he graduates next year, so that he doesn't have to move away. Considering I live in Detroit, that'd be something.

5.) Me
A job with the Detroit Red Wings. Something in hockey operations.

Posted by: ajax19 at December 10, 2008 3:00 PM

Hey, be sure and get the B&S on vinyl, Optimus. Such pretty sleeves ("Lazy Line Painter Jane" can be hard to find though). If she's truly worth it then she's already got a turntable.

Posted by: Jay at December 10, 2008 3:01 PM

1) Your Parents - pay of every medical bill and debt, including buying their house from them so they can live mortgage-free.

2) Your Significant Other - don't have one, so if I could, I'd buy one.

3) Your Child(ren) - My nephew: wants to be a Marine Biologist, so all educational expenses paid. My nieces,

4) Your Best Friend - 24/7 care for her ailing father, so she can start living her dreams.

Posted by: ciji at December 10, 2008 3:01 PM

1) Parents-Well since my mom is deceased, I would get my father a invitation to have dinner with the foremost expert on politics and history. My father spends all day reading books on politics and history.
2)Your best friend- I don't have a best friend, I'm pretty much a loner.
3)Your Significant Other-she's not so significant.
4)Your Child(ren)- On the advice of my counsel I have no comment.

Posted by: Pookie at December 10, 2008 3:01 PM

1. Well, I have a variety of parents to choose from, but I'd like to give my stepmother her own personal navigator on speed dial. She isn't good with electronics and has NO sense of direction, but she loves to drive. At least she loves adventures.
For my mother, a fully paid-for house thousands of miles away from me. I think we'd both be happier.

2. I would like to give Mr. Gavin a BMW 300 series. He doesn't know he needs one, but he does. He'd really like it.
Failing that, he needs a clean garage and really awesome work bench.
And, I'd like to double his salary, but keep him at his wonderfully interesting job (which underpays him grossly).

3. No kids. But I'd like to give a basic living stipend to my youngest brother so he can go to school without wondering where his next meal is coming from. But not so much that he starts being a slacker.

4. I'd love to find for my best friend someone worth staying home for, and who would encourage her not to. She shouldn't feel guilty either way.

5. Me, I'd like a house. Big enough that Mr. Gavin doesn't feel cramped, and a kitchen I like.

But all the rest can go away if I could just give my aunt a cancer-killing cure that would eradicate the evil tumor in her brain. All the rest ain't worth crap compared to that.

Posted by: Gavin at December 10, 2008 3:02 PM

Even though I already have most of that set on individual cds, that looks like a lovely collection Jay.

Posted by: Cindy at December 10, 2008 3:03 PM

For My Parents:
A sexy Sharp Aquos 47 inch flat-screen for Dad, Prozac and a Harvey Wallbanger for Mom

For My Fiance:
4 terabyte external hard drive and a body pillow for when I'm not there

For My Sibling: The leftover Prozac from the BoGo sale at Pfizer, and an obnoxiously bejeweled box from Claire's in which to keep her stash (I'm sick of seeing her shake in Ziplocs)

For my Best Friend: Kaiser Permanente health insurance and some sensible shoes for a change

For Me: Lee Pace. I figure that ABC's trash is my treasure...my tall, piemaking, converse-wearing treasure

Posted by: Aratweth at December 10, 2008 3:06 PM

My Parents: For my dad, a new house. For my mom, remodel her bathroom.

Significant other: I don't technically have one, but I do have a possibility, and he wants a new job.

Your Child(ren): Don't have one of those either, but I do have my dog, and she has every dog luxury money can buy. Others are including their siblings under this one since they don't have kids, and in that case, I would give my sister a swift kick in the ass.

Best Friend: New wardrobe and new job.

Myself: If money really were no object for the above, then I wouldn't want anything.

Posted by: Austin at December 10, 2008 3:07 PM

Parents: I'm borrowing jadashay's idea--a house for each. They're not separated or anything, but I think it'd improve their relationship.

Significant Other: A distillery tour in Scotland.

Children: A primo litter box (and personal maid to deal with it) for the furry ones, and some kick-ass aquarium decor for the turtle ones.

Best Friend: Actually, she'd probably like the distillery tour as well. Am I asking for trouble if I send them together?!

Myself: Well, I did pretty good on my weekend shopping trip to Maine--there was no practical reason to buy myself an aquamarine necklace! But really, if money was no object, I'd like to give myself the gift of travel--a Galapagos Islands tour and a trip across Canada are two of my dream vacations.

That, or chickens. I kind of really want a chicken coop in my back yard. Maybe one of these days....

Posted by: meaux at December 10, 2008 3:08 PM

Oops...

3) My nieces, the oldest-a car, the middle one-a babysitter, the younger-a college education.

Posted by: ciji at December 10, 2008 3:11 PM

Anna von B: Check out Cabelas.com for slippers. Mr. Gavin spends much of the weekend in his. When he's not in his crap-ass old hiking boots.

Posted by: Gavin at December 10, 2008 3:17 PM

Yeah, I don't have all the vinyl myself but it's all lovely, and I've at least gotten Stuart and Chris to sign some of them. Mick and Stevie don't hang with the punters after the show, man! I do have the refrigerator magnet set of all the covers at least. I ordered it from Scotland when I was between having my own refrigerator. Like my long-planned trip, it was the horizon. "I'll get you a home, magnets!" (if anyone saw those pictures of my apartment, you can see how pent-up I was sharing a house with tons of decorative crap in storage). That was my Christmas in July present to myself. A residence.

Posted by: Jay at December 10, 2008 3:21 PM

1) Your Parents- I would buy my mom a beach house in Avalon and for my dad I would pay off the rest of their mortgage.
2) Your Significant Other- don't have one
3) Your Child(ren)- I will count this as my brother, he would get a fully furnished house where ever he wanted.
4) Your Best Friend- A vacation- me and her could go to Europe and travel for a few months. That would be my gift too. I would say I want a house too, but I don't even know where I want to live.

Posted by: erin b at December 10, 2008 3:22 PM

Ah, Dustin, you should have let me know. I could have picked up duplicates of the bootleg DVD's I bought in China for US $0.80 this October. I've had Dark Knight and Iron Man on a near constant loop at my house for the last month and a half. I (heart) communism.

Posted by: ernesto at December 10, 2008 3:34 PM

Given the shitty economy, the ever-growing rift between political parties, the never-ending war, a disappearing middle-class and a million other cruddy things, my wish would be for everyone to chill the hell out and enjoy the holidays. Be grateful we're still here. Be happy with the small things that make you smile. Be happy with hearing other people laugh. Just enjoy what we've got, 'cause it's a hell of a lot more than some folks have...

That and for Sean Hannity to get mauled and slowly eaten by a drunk bear...

Posted by: Skitz at December 10, 2008 3:53 PM

Parents:

I'd give my Mum her husband back, so she doesn't have to be so lonely in her last years. Yeah, I know, no amount of money could do that! But she's never been the same since Dad died, and I think if she could have anything at all, that would be it. (Sorry, I know that one isn't in the spirit of funny...)

SO:
I haven't got one, but if I did, what greater present could he have than glorious, wonderful ME?

Kids:
none either - but I'd give my nephew a day out on the set of Top Gear (he's 5 and watches it religiously), and my little nieces would get any amount of fancy girlie dress-up gear from Harrods or some other 'posh' shop.

BF: Her own house, and enough money to maintain it, so she wouldn't need to put up with weird-ass lodgers just to pay the rent!

Posted by: Tarn at December 10, 2008 3:53 PM

Dad: Retirement at Hilton Head

Mom: Happiness

Hubsand: The Perfect Job in the Perfect City

Kids (nephews and nieces): All the books they ever want.

BFF: A week at the beach with all my BFF's from college

Me: A pony

Posted by: pseudoliterati at December 10, 2008 3:54 PM

That was lovely Skittums. The drunk bear was the cherry on an already delicious sundae of awesome.

Posted by: Julie at December 10, 2008 3:57 PM

1:)Parent: I'd buy my dad a house in Aspen since I can't get him to stop spending money on ski trips

2:)Wife: A series of Homes in various locations throughout the globe

3:)Kids: College Educations. I don't want to buy them a lot of stuff when they are young because I don't want them to be spoiled bastards who don't appreciate things.

4:)Best Friend: I don't have a best friend. What am I a teenage girl? I'll use this to buy myself something... cars... wait. No. A Boat. No. A UFC cage. Shit. I don't know.

Posted by: Tanner at December 10, 2008 4:09 PM

I was trying to be a little realistic with mine. I didn't know people were going to be buying houses.
Jay, after that comment I'll be looking into those for Myself. Especially Tigermilk, rrowr.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 10, 2008 4:44 PM

Parents: A new 401K. Dad retired 6 months ago. Good timing. Or if they finally decide to sell the house, a condo.

Significant Other: A shop so he can quit his job and make chocolate full time. Mr. shelleyh is a chef and makes chocolates.

Crumbsnatchers: No children. I'll just get myself something extra. Nah, actually I would buy my brother a car and an unlimited gas card. He's always moving from state to state so it's always hard to buy him presents.

Best Friend: Speakers that go up to 11.

My list is mostly dvds. The one I have my heart set on the most is the Young Ones. And I want the Mr. to make me chocolate covered candied orange peels. We've already bought The Dark Knight and Iron Man. Those are just household expenses, not presents, kind of like buying milk or toothpaste. You can't wait for them.

Posted by: shelleyh at December 10, 2008 4:55 PM

Parents - A cruise. They're cruising type of people.

Husband - iPhone

Kids - The entire Melissa & Doug line of toys

Best Friend - These great moose and elk head sake glasses that I saw in Food & Wine magazine. They're completely absurd, and I know she'd love them. A little out of my price range for her though.

Posted by: katy at December 10, 2008 4:55 PM

Oh, and for me. I'm pretty easy to please and humble to boot, so a large four bedroom house would suffice.

Posted by: katy at December 10, 2008 4:57 PM

Oh no, I almost missed my own Comment Diversion suggestion. Stupid work!

1) Dad- I would buy him a top of the line, fancypants, tricked out Lincoln or Cadillac that he would feel like a king in. And I would also pay someone to teach him how to use all the bells and whistles 'cause he would drive me crazy every 11 minutes asking me how to make this do that or what does this do, etc.

2) Your Significant Other- Don't have one, but I would pay for my ex to have weekly psych visits and because money is no object, I would also buy him a conscience...

3) Your Child(ren)- No kidlets, but I would buy my God-daughter a jumpy castle. And maybe a pony if her folks were cool with that.

4) Your Best Friend- A college education fund for her twins, so she can stop working soo hard and take some time to enjoy life with her family.

5) Myself - I'd charter a plane and take my friends to New Orleans or someplace tropical and warm for a week or two. No spouses or kids, no cell phones, no computers, just the gang hanging out and having fun again. And a new couch. I'm sick of my current one.

Posted by: Lainey at December 10, 2008 5:08 PM

1. Mom: a car, Dad: a nice apartment or house
2. SO: Roundtrip tickets to Honduras every weekend. A new car.
3. children: Don't have one, but I'd totally get them Legos
4. best friend: Concert tickets, all the ones she ever wanted

For me:
-Dark Knight DVD. Obvious but true.
-jewelry (damnit I never get jewelry!)
-plane tickets to Dallas
-West Wing DVDs
-enough money to get rid of student loands
-a new wardrobe. Everything I own is like 4 years old.
-a car. driving lessons.
-all inclusive beach vacation with SO

But what I really really want:
-my US visa so I can get married. *sigh*

Posted by: figgy at December 10, 2008 5:21 PM

Oh, I would get a shout-out in an intro to a comment diversion on reading day. Way to be enamored with the love Pooks and I share, Rowles.

Ok for zee list:

Parents: A beach house in the Caribbean and a house in Italian wine country and lifetime transportation to get them to each place throughout the year (I'd say private jet, but I wanna be eco-sensitive, y'all). My mom has always wanted to go to Italy but my Dad loves the beach. They could flip-flop back and forth. My parents have busted their asses to help me out and I can't wait to do the same to return the favor.

Significant Other: Oh ha ha. Since I don't have an SO, I'd probably extend the gift to my dad. I'd get him a meeting with Jimmy Buffett. My dad has only ever wanted to meet one celebrity and he's it. Or a trip to _The Office_ set for the both of them.

Children: No kids, yet. But I mother my brother soooo... For him: direction. That kid is so discombobulated with what he wants to do with his life. He wants to get out of NC, so I'd try to help him towards that goal. Either that or an endless supply of video games. Which would pretty much hinder my brother's sense of direction totally, oh well. And for my dog (because he's the best) a steak with a side of ice cream.

Best Friend: My best friend(s) are all away from me right now, but I'd give them the money to travel. Especially one. She wants to be a missionary in Turkey, so I'd give her the funds to do it.

Me: Travel would be nice. But honestly, nothing would be as nice as all of the above one day coming true. But maybe a job after I graduate at the end of January. Yea, a job might be nice.

Posted by: Kayanne at December 10, 2008 5:46 PM

1)Parents: My parents are gone, so I would buy my two youngest aunts dinner for being my surrogate moms.
2) Children: None yet, and not for lack of trying, but I would buy my nieces and nephews time at a stable to ride horses. I have twin nephews who are autistic and they would enjoy the horses I'm sure.
3) My Wife: A horse and stable to keep it in. I personally don't get it, but she loves to ride horseback.
4) Best Friend: A babysitter so we can go do cool stuff like we used to before he had kids.
5) Myself: Time alone in Powell's Books to peruse every shelf and read as long as I wanted.

Posted by: ChemicalCurt at December 10, 2008 6:10 PM

A Sabathia Plush Toy or Bobblehead - In Yankees Gear!

F*ck all you New Englanders!

Posted by: FourKings at December 10, 2008 6:12 PM

1) Your Parents
I only have a mom, and I would probably get her a two week trip to Scotland, England, Ireland and Wales.
2) Your Significant Other
2009 Yamaha YZ 450F, all new riding gear, and a year off from work to compete like he used to. I'd also pay his medical bills when he got injured (which, let's face it, WILL happen)
3) Your Child(ren)
No rugrats, I'm 26 going on 17
4) Your Best Friend
I don't really need to get her anything, she's pretty privileged as it is. What do you get the person who has everything? Maybe just some non-law school time to spend together before she moves across the country.

Posted by: BizzyBees at December 10, 2008 6:51 PM

Oh, and for myself, money to pay off law school debt. I would love that more than anything in the world. ANYTHING.

Posted by: BizzyBess at December 10, 2008 6:54 PM

BizzyBess, I hear you need money for schoolin? Well me and a friend we usually try to help out young ladies such as yourself with school money problems. I don't know what your situation is exactly, but I think we can help. You sound like a very special person and you deserve a shot at happiness. Do you want to be happy Bess?

Posted by: Pookie at December 10, 2008 7:07 PM

Well me and a friend we usually try to help out young ladies such as yourself with school money problems.

...

Posted by: Kayanne at December 10, 2008 7:20 PM

I'd buy my mom a massive retirement fund and my dad a heart transplant. Don't have a significant other, children, or best friend.

Posted by: Lucas at December 10, 2008 7:37 PM

Kayenne, I know what you are thinking. I just got home and found my sister's kids playing around on my computer. They have wreck havoc on all of my accounts, they will be punished. Did you see Rowles mention our names? He's a great guy, so how was your day?

Posted by: Pookie at December 10, 2008 7:47 PM

K-Kaboom
A-Awesom
Y-Yummy
A-Alluring
N-Nice
N-Niffty
E-Exquisite

Posted by: Pookie at December 10, 2008 7:59 PM

Clearly you have a weird relationship with your "e"s, Pooks. Also, "your sister's kids" proposition ladies on the internet for student loan investment offers?

Really, Pooks, really?

Although this does provide evidence that my initial theory was that you were interested in hiring more workers for your brothel. Eh, it could be worse. But you are a strange one, Pooks. Strange indeed.

Oh hey, Home Alone is on TV!

Posted by: Kayanne at December 10, 2008 8:05 PM

1. My parents: A house in Santa Barbara. They're been trying to move there for years, and so many things have gone wrong. Now they're in Miami, and not thrilled about it.
2. My boyfriend: N/A.
2. b) The guy who's hopefully coming over tonight: More sex? Hmm, I may be able to afford that for real...
3. My children: N/A, thank goodness.
4. My best friend: High-end film-making stuff.
5. The most important person: There actually isn't anything I really need or want. I am but a simple woman. I guess a gift card for a bookstore.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 10, 2008 8:10 PM

1. 30 years each in a seriously high-end all-the-comforts nursing home (when that time comes).

2. That trip to the Grand Canyon she wants, spare no expense.

3. One Stradivarius violin.

4. See No. 2. Same person.

Posted by: bucdaddy at December 10, 2008 8:22 PM

Somehow I missed the best friend thing. But my best friend and I have a routine that's worked for ages: whiskey. Specifically, bourbon for him, scotch for me. New kind every year.

It's splendid.

Posted by: TK at December 10, 2008 8:30 PM

Rents: Free-time

Sig Other: All the crap to finish the race car sitting in the garage

Siblings (no kids): a vacation from their kids

Best Friend: Tix to come and see me

Me: 10 days in the Ashram of my choice - solo

Posted by: jack at December 10, 2008 8:30 PM

1) Your Parents: My dad - the ability to not be an ass (of course, I need to go back in time to do this) My mom - happiness and the money to live on for the rest of her life. I would also make the court grant their damned never ending divorce.

2) Your Significant Other: A 1967 fully restored all original Camero and front row tickets to the UFC on Dec 27th.

3) Your Child(ren): The furry barking ones would like a never ending supply of yummy dog bones (real ones, not rawhide crap). The furry meowing ones want all of my attention at the moment and would love some tuna just for them.

4) Your Best Friend: Freedom from ever worrying about her child's health and a trip for me and her with a fantastic shopping spree with no budget. For little man (her child): a day at Pixar studios.

5) Self - A trip around the world, with a duration of 6 or 9 months and hitting all of the continents except Antarctica. I will also accept a 1965, fully restored, cherry red Mustang with a convertible top.

Posted by: Melody at December 10, 2008 8:44 PM

1) Your Parents
Reunification (my father is dead). For those that may think this sounds cold, I don't really care which one accommodates the other. I didn't help myself there, did I?

2) Your Significant Other
World peace. This is selfish, and here's why: if everyone else got along then she wouldn't have any conflicts to mediate and she could devote all her time -- properly -- to me. She's an angel.

3) Your Child(ren)
Whole and healthy souls. Apparently I am a toxin to my ex, and her antidote is to alienate them. No winners here. If it has to be tangible, then I'd go with meaux's suggestion of a litterbox...to catch all their shit.

4) Your Best Friend
Who would befriend a fuzzy blue revolutionary? BTW, that's a rhetorical question.

Posted by: Che Grovera at December 10, 2008 8:47 PM

1) A very nice karaoke machine
2) Elderscrolls: Shivering Isles
3) Books
4) Books

Posted by: jasper at December 10, 2008 9:16 PM

1. My parents - definitely a nice, tropical vacation. PA is hella cold this time of year. And they both work for a school district, so I'm sure they'd love to get away from the brats they see everyday.
2. My sig. other - a new car. His is going on 10 years now.
3. I don't have kids, so my brother - a shiny new laptop to replace his clunker of a computer. And wireless and all the goodies that go with it.
4. My best friend - She's working on fixing up her new house. If I could, I'd hire the crew of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition to do it for her, all for free, of course.

Posted by: Melissa at December 10, 2008 9:27 PM

1. I'm an orphan. My mon's been gone over 20 years, my dad 5.

2. For my husband, the biggest damned fishing boat I can find and early retirement to actually enjoy it.

3. For my kids, a new daddy when their's takes off on that damned boat. Really? I'd finally get the guts to home school them so we can all be together on that boat full time.

4. Best friend is Mr. Lower. See number two.

5. For me, a suite at the Venetian in Las Vegas and a boatload (I'm sensing a theme) of money to spend in the casino and the spa. For as long as I want. That, and enough patience and Dramamine to last until Mr. Lower gets over the boat thing.

Posted by: slower lower at December 10, 2008 10:45 PM

1) Your Parents - Mum - all the top shelf Jack Daniels her half could buy. Dad - the apartment by the beach he wants. What do you buy for the people that have everything they want?
2) Your Significant Other - drum stuff and lots of it. As well as a trip to Europe when he finishes Uni. After 5 years, he will need a break.
3) Your Child(ren) - have none but my older sis will get a house with a bog backyard for her dogs. Little sis will get all new clothes and a car for when she starts driving.
4) Your Best Friend - clothes, concert tickets.

And me? A house near the beach with a home cinema.

Posted by: Seraf at December 10, 2008 10:57 PM

My parents: a divorce
Sig other: dental work
Step-child: dental work, an attitude transplant and a tutor.
My best friend: my furry four legged best friend and I would hop a plane to somewhere fucking warmer. I hate winter in Chicago.

Posted by: Lori at December 10, 2008 11:41 PM

1) parents - could i just have someone else's parents? seems like there are many well-liked parents in pajibaland. i think i must have done something terrible in my past life...


2) significant other - starting short stop for the detroit tigers. or forward for the detroit red wings. or quarterback for the detroit lions. for the lions, it would sadly be an improvement...


3) children - none yet. can barely take care of the mister and the dog. but the dog would get lots of empty boxes. he loves them. really, really loves them.


4) sister - waiving all the law school debt away with a fairy wand and pixie dust. magically cure her dog of his epilepsy and predilection to eat his own crap. ick!


5) me - a house in australia on the beach. and time to live there each year. and no jet lag during my travels. and the money to fly first class at least once. i want to try that nifty seat-turns-into-bed contraption.

Posted by: aprileee at December 10, 2008 11:56 PM

1. my parents: either a new house if they wanted it or just pay off the rest of this one's mortgage.
2. my significant other: i don't have one, but i do have a fwb and for him i'd go with Julie and get him a pair of balls so he'd stop being a tease.
3. my brother: i'd pay for his grad school.
4. my best friend: i'd study abroad with her. she really wants me to join but i can't afford it right now.

myself? i'd get my tuition paid in full (i'm out of state and probably on the 5-6 year plan) and maybe score myself a motorcycle or a sailboat. both are sounding very nice right now.

Posted by: Keridwyn at December 11, 2008 1:09 AM

Aprileee are you a D-Town girl? If so, I am intrigued. Pajibacon may happen in MI.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 11, 2008 1:46 AM

What a fwb?

Posted by: Jay at December 11, 2008 7:19 AM

Wait, never mind....you acronymical people. Jeez!

Posted by: Jay at December 11, 2008 7:20 AM

Ooh, I thought of something else I want for me! A personal driver to take me to NYC every time I want to go to the museums or the movie theaters or the opera or the ballet. I live so close, but I won't drive in the city and I have no idea how to use public transportation. It makes me sad.

Oh, and unlimited trips to said museums, movie theaters, operas, and ballets. That shit's expensive, yo.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 11, 2008 9:22 AM

Optimus Rhyme - alas, pajibacon would have to happen in austin, as it is the lucky place that gets to call us its residents. that is unless the mister magically gets one of these grown-up christmas wishes. detroit sports teams, you know where to find us!

Posted by: aprileee at December 11, 2008 10:25 AM

Mom- teeny beach house in Morro Bay.
Dad- fishing boat with room to relax
I have no kids, so...
Sister1- chocolate goldendoodle
Sister2- indigo hybrid car

I'd like a studio in the old bank building and a few industrial sewing machines, if yer listening, Santa.

Posted by: Sweetie Darling at December 11, 2008 1:50 PM


















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