Pajiba

I've been visiting this site for too long. The comment diversions have come full circle for me.

At someone: You stupid fucking cunt or twat.
At myself: Dumbshit
at my family: Damn dirty ape or filthy pirate hooker.

Goddamn motherfucking piece of shit.

Not the most creative but it's what comes out when someone cuts me off in traffic.

Fuckin'- What the fuckin'. Fuck. Who the fuck fucked this fucking... How did you two fucking fucks...

I've grown quite partial to "fuckwit" lately. Also suggesting people "go have a fuck off" and sometimes "go have a fuck off party" depending on how annoyed I am. I also like "fan-fucking-tastic" to describe a truly irritating development.

I don't think I curse excessively but I'm sure others (namely employers) would disagree with that. I really only drop "cunt" when I am severely pissed off. My wife has taken to saying "fuck my cunt" when she is irritated. I'm often getting text messages that just say FMC.

There is a reason my 9 year old daughter asked when she would be allowed to swear. I told her when she was in high school. We really try not to swear around the kids but sometimes it slips out and you accidentally call your daughter a "dickhead".

I'm also a big fan of "For fuck's sake!" when something pisses me off. And it's so true: it's important not to totally overuse the cussin', because it has so much more impact coming from someone who doesn't swear at everything 24/7.

Also, I love the "not swearing" Orbitz commercial:

"Who are you calling a cootie queen, you lint licker?!"

Poopie!

Dude. This is a family-friendly site. Take it down a few notches, 'kay?

Personally, I tend to curse a great deal more when angry then when I'm actually conversing.

Jesus Christ on a whole-wheat goddamn cracker...

Blasphemy and cursing in the same phrase. You can't go wrong with that.

Aw, heck. I'm sorry.

Cancer infested shithole, and Cunt muffin are a couple of my favorites. Not particularly graphic, but they bring back good memories.

mmm...I remember the last time I had a cunt muffin. Blueberry if memory serves.

I'd like to clean up my act and replace profanity with the word cuss, al la "The Fantastic Mr. Fox"

If you aren't impressed, cuss off you cussed up cuss sucker!

However, I will miss "ax wound".

Motherfucker wasn't a part of my repetoire until I started reading this site, so . . . I'm blaming all you motherfuckers for taking my swearing to the next motherfucking level.

"Piss fuck" and "Ass bastard" are two of my favorites.

Fuck a duck, but I only use it on very special occasions. Like hearing, "I'm sorry, we don't carry double-downs here."

"Didn't we do this a few months ago for the Love Actually review?"

I don't know, maybe we did. I don't remember. I'm kinda old and super dumb and shockingly lazy; what do you WANT from me? I usually can't even be arsed to remember if I've paid my cell phone bill every month and so I often pay it twice, and you want me to keep in mind stuff that happened months ago? Y'all should consider yourselves fortunate that this column doesn't consist of a weekly clip from "Little House on the Prairie" with notes like, "Whose hair was floofier in this episode, Pa's or Manly's? Discuss."

I use many variations of Jumpin' Jesus Christ on a Pogo Stick in my day to day repertoire, having grown up a heathen, I'm still confused when some religious nut-bag gets all offended.

I like cunt for it's all out attention getting usefulness, unless you're hanging out with Aussies'. If cunt isn't called for there's always twat, it's not as brash but still good.

If you need something more specific, then cum guzzling gutter slut is an old favourite, with many, many uses.

Yes, I think we did do this for the Love Actually thread. I like the cussing threads, I learn new and useful vocabulary.

TUP. To copulate with a ewe.

The words you learn when you play Scrabble.

"shut your dirty whore mouth player player" is my favourite though I never have the ability to drop it when needed , damn my stupid slow mind,
but the day will come Mary Cherry, I promise you the day will come.

I've always had a soft spot for my father's favorite exclamation:

Cocksucker and the Video Rangers!

Jackass. Not terribly imaginative, I know, but when a guy's driving like an idiot, "Nice going, JACKASS," says everything I need it to.

On a related note, when I was in the army, guys who were or had been Rangers used "fuck" like it was a necessary part of grammar. "You take out your fuckin' compass and get your fuckin' azimuth..."

I've started saying "fuck-nuglets". I don't know what it means, exactly.

vaginal blood fart

and

stupid-fucking-cunty-bollocks-expialidocious

Wednesday, that's ten kinds of awesome. Your teenage daughter has pretty good taste in webcomics: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2002/2/25/

An uncle of mine could always be counted on for a good laugh with his cursing. A favorite:

"Son of a bitch, this stuff's hotter than a popcorn fart!"

Me? I stick to the mundane but use inflection to give it flair.

Admittedly, I don't curse. But from my experience, calling someone a "substitute chemistry teacher" is a spectacular curse-less insult.

"Cunt rooster" has become a particular favorite of mine. It's not meant to be aimed at anyone, but yelled when you stub your toe and what not.

Another great one I really haven't used enough lately is "dick tree". Use it sparingly, though.

"What do you want, dick tree?"

The ones I use regularly from my months of trolling the 'jiba sites are twatwaffle, (it just tickles me so) and the two phrases I learned for other people's children: crotchfruit and fuck trophy. As in "Whose crotchfruit is that kid licking the lead paint on the playground?" "Oh, that's that twatwaffle Jane's third fuck trophy."

Just me?

I'm partial to exclaiming "FUCK ME IN THE TAINT!" when stubbing a toe. Also fond of "Holy Fucking Moses" (when surprised) and "TwatRocket!" (when angry). Of course, I have the kinds of friends who call each other Slutmuffin and Cuntrag as terms of endearment, so obviously we are the height of sophistication.

Dickweasel and Grassfucker are also nice.

TWAT! DO WE HAVE ANY JELLY TWAT?

Tammy, you just destroyed my brand new mouse pad with "Fuck me in the taint." Tea all over the place.

Most times you can say "Fuck" in a sentence - 7:
"Fuck you, you fucking fuck! I fucking fuck fucks like you! FUCK!"
(ok more than one sentence, so fuck you)

The boyfriend calls me shitwizard as a term of endearment. Sweet, isn't he?

I've been cussing, and cussing well, for more of my life than not.

I literally cant list my favourite cusses or cuss phrases because there isn't enough time in the world. I love to swear. I LOVE IT.

A relative always tells me that people swear because they're not smart enough to think of anything better to say. That has never been a problem with me. I just fucking love swearing.
I enjoy it. I litter casual conversation with it.
It is harder for me not to cuss than it is to swear.

kut, lul, zak. Dutch for cunt, dick, sack. To be used together. Good for all occasions.

I believe someone here coined the phrase "fucknutting twatwaffle" and it's become my new standard. I'm also a fan of British swears, like tosser and wanker. They're fun to say and I don't get dirty looks from my employers when I use them.

My co-worker is one of those puritan types who never says dang or hell; the closest she comes to swearing is "poopies!" when something goes wrong.

And this isn't really swearing but I enjoyed it so much I'll share--my other co-worker referred to the meal we had at a shamefully bad restaurant as "diaper squeezings". Poetic and beautifully descriptive, and I believe you could apply it to people as well.

My, my. Don't we all need a double-barrel blast of douchewater to the mouth. Such fucking filthy whore mouths.

When I want to cuss but the situation makes it less than polite or whatever, I use the following:

Eff!
What in the Hello Kitty??
Oh, for poop's sake!
You sonofabiscuit!
Bollocks.
Schiesser!

I was always partial to "lipstick-wearing felch monkey".

Other favourites are:

* twatitude

* fucked-up arse-banditry

* semen-seeking stench trench

* cum-gargling fuckbag

* arsepiss

Delurking for a moment to add my favorite - it's Finnish: "suksi vittuun."

It sounds so harmless you can say it to anyone. It means: "go ski into a cunt."

I'm gonna make you work for this one. best insult ever = Felcher.

Look it up.
Have a trashcan handy.

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Utah Dynamo is a Cock table.

i rarely like to make racist comments but obama has gone too far with the abortion issue by hiring a man on his staff that wants to be a population police officer that means he want to sterilize people who have too many children. that is something i would never do if elected president it's a violation of god's law to go forth and multiply. you will understand the pain of this when you are finally able to have children of your own and the government tells you to kill them!

"Fuck that noise" is one of my favorites..

I'm going to second you on that one, Blank.

I do find it incredibly meta that Utah choose this comment diversion to air his nonsensical views. Rarely does a commenter stumble onto a discussion in which every single comment pertains to them so strongly. Sir (or madam), kindly read the above comments and choose a swear that you feel best suits you. Might I suggest "fucking shit-stained assball."

Dickwad, this is an entertainment site, not a place for you to air your wacko political views, particularly in a comment diversion that has fuck-all to do with politics. And if you must make up little ditties, at least take the time to write ones that make sense. Think you came up with something really clever and don't see where you went wrong? Let me help, fucktard:

1)Obama is not "into" abortion. No one is. It's an unfortunate reality that some women are forced into due to lack of resources to care for a baby. Exactly how many crack-addicted special needs children have you adopted, sir?

*silence*

Yeah, I thought so.

2)Even if Obama was "into" abortion (which, again, he is NOT), this doesn't necessarily mean his parents were.

3)As a fetus, it is highly unlikely Obama had any opinions on abortion as he was gestating in his mother's womb, and even if he had, he would have to develop telepathy to convey his wishes to his mother. Luckily, humanity has yet to develop this trait, because if we lived in a world where I could somehow hear the occasional brain fart that passes for thinking inside your skull, my own brain would explode from the abundance of stupid.

Also, you "rarely" make racist comments? What a fabulous example of humanity you are. By the way, only racists preface their comments by saying "I'm not a racist, but..." What does his race have to do with anything?

And for fuck's sake, the government is not some evil entity bent on mass sterilization of the public. The government needs a thriving population to survive, after all. I believe the policy you are referring to involves women who use abortion as a method of birth control, which is beyond irresponsible. But then I suppose you think birth control is irresponsible too. I'm going to take a big leap at this point and guess that you're a giant cancer infested shithole of a man.

And while you're opening orphanages for children born of rape ('cause you're going to need a hell of a lot more than one, sad to say), don't forget all the hospitals and staff you'll need to care for babies born with massive birth defects.

You might also want to learn basic grammar, capitalization and punctuation--makes you seem a tad less insane while you're ranting about baby murder. As it is, your posts are a celebration of idiocy that have no place on this site.

Asshat.

Ah, profanity. Next to chocolate chip cookies, there is nothing greater on earth. May I begin by introducing my best friend in the whole world: the beloved F-bomb.

I remember hearing, but remember from where, that the proper use of the F-bomb is to refrain from using it as a noun or verb.

While I occasionally aspire to this level of refinement I typically opt for the better established firehose method.

And, though I'm not quite sure it truly qualifies as profanity, I would posit that the funniest word in the English language is:

titties

well i'v calmed down i don't want to have to put you guys and girls on my revenge list.

(Me, hanging up the phone) Cock.
(co-worker) Who was that?
(Me) Which cock do I usually call a cock when I speak to him on the phone?
(co-worker) Oh, THAT cock.

This in a full office of people who know who the cock is and that he'll be joining us in 2 mins.

God FUCKING dammit.

Not terribly creative, but it gets the job done.

My personal favorite refers to my ex-wife.
She is a perfect image of the phrase:

Cum Gargling Gutter Slut!