Pajiba

I don't know how applicable it is for dealing with grief, but I know Nina Simone's "Ooh Child" has always been a balm for me in times of sadness. It is soothing, acknowledges the pain, but provides hope as well that the hurt will ease with time.

My condolences on your loss, scorzi. Losing a relative near the holidays sucks monkey nuts.

I tend to go with haunting music at a time like this, and find that Kamelot has "A Sailorman's Hymn" and Hammerfall has "Remember Yesterday".

I'm sure that there are others that can change the mood. Good luck to you and yours.

Hey Pajibians:

I chose to read out to the boards because I'm addicted to all you assholes, and also because I remember when someone on here was getting married and needed a list of quotes for the wedding it was such a good thread I saved it myself. We're getting ready for the funeral now, but in a day or so I'll check back and leave my utmost thanks.

I'm open to all music of any type. I myself like Sinead O'Connor's "Funeral Song".

I Grieve by Peter Gabriel.

"Perfect Memory" by Remy Zero.

And I'm sorry for your loss, scorzi.

The The - Love Is Stronger Than Death. Matt wrote it after losing his brother.

Against Me! - Pints of Guiness Make You Strong

Sleater Kinney - Modern Girl

The Pogues.... just in general

I really don't know if those would be appropriate, however. I just find them quite life affirming.

"Light of a Clear Blue Morning" by Allison Moorer (I think).

"Dante's Prayer" by Loreena McKennitt.
It's not specifically about a death, but I find it beautiful, haunting, and soothing.

Also, "When I Get Where I'm Going" by Brad Paisley, featuring Dolly Parton.

When a friend of mine died about a year out of high school, there was a song I found and clung to and replayed over and over. It was called 'I'll Cry For You' by Jessi Hamilton. I linked to her website above, but the version that she has available there is different and not as good. But still, the lyrics are very applicable.

OH, and Bonnie Prince Billy's album Superwolf.

And the Ladysmith Black Mumbazo tracks off Paul Simon's Graceland.

Also, the song isn't downloadable on her site, so if you like and want to use it, let me know and I'll e-mail it to you.

I second "In my Life" but the Johnny Cash version, as well as his "Bridge over Troubled Water". They've helped at the right time. Maybe something about the voice, telling that someone else has been there before you and made it out okay.

Also, La Partida, an instrumental by Chilean folksinger Victor Jara.

"Naked As We Came" - Iron and Wine. It makes me cry the good kind of tears if I think about what it says when I'm listening.

For something more uplifting, I like show tunes (wanna make something of it?). And, while I'm not a believer, I love the whole soundtrack to "Godspell" and sing it at the top of my lungs whenever I need my spirits raised.

Oh, and "The Parting Glass" - not sure who sings it, but it's the song at the end of "Waking Ned Divine."

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Hope this helps a little.

"i will follow you into the dark" by death cab for cutie

"i love you" by sarah mclachlan

"I'll Be Your River" Cyndi Lauper.

My condolences, scorzi.

Bless.

Ain't no reason - Brett Dennen

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved Aunt to cancer a few months ago. Here are some songs that got me through.

Nick Drake - Saturday Sun (this song manages to be sad, uplifting and gentle)
Nick Drake - Time has Told Me (you're a rare, rare find)
Rufus Wainwright - Natasha
Jimmy Eat World - Hear you Me (this is about a friend's mother dying)

Hmm...should mother fucker be hypenated??? I've always wondered...

My deepest sympathies man.

I'll suggest Adele's version of Make you feel my love.

"For Good" from the musical Wicked.

So sorry for your loss, scorzi.

A friend of mine unexpectedly lost her sister about a week ago. It was crazy; her sister said she was going to the gym and then called less than an hour later to ask my friend to pick her up because she was in a lot of pain. My friend drove around looking for her and couldn't find her sister's car anywhere. She was found later that evening in her car, parked on a little side street, and she was already gone.

We sang "Amazing Grace," "It is Well," and "My Redeemer Lives" at her funeral.

Losing loved ones around the holidays truly sucks. All my love and prayers to your family.

Going Up The Country - Canned Heat

Don't know why, but I always want to hear this song when I'm forced to think about what lies beyond...maybe that says something about me.

So sorry for your loss, Scorzi...my most sincere condolences to you and yours.

Crossroads by Bone Thugs 'n Harmony. Half-kidding.

A year ago, my baby niece passed. My sister had me make a slideshow montage with the pictures we were able to take of her, and had me set it to... Don't scoff... Juice Newton's "The Sweetest Thing".

It's not necessarily about grief or loss, but it will forever be associated with those things for me. I can't even think about that song without welling up.

On the flip side, if you want a song that you can't help but cheer up whilst listening to, try Lovefool by the Cardigans.

"Requiem" by M. Ward.

(Interjection)

Thanks for the list guys, keep it coming.

I'm listening to as many of these as possible and sobbing like a boob while scribbling all the titles down.

Especially now, this website reminds me of high school when there would be some big drama and someone would cry in the girl's bathroom and whomever was in there would offer advice and toilet paper.

I'm so sorry, scorzi. My prayers are with you and your family.

I have two songs: "Time after Time" by Cyndi Lauper and "God is Trying to Tell you Something" from The Color Purple soundtrack.

And I swear that second song title isn't like a "nyah nyah" kind of message, it's the one song that can make me cry happy tears every time. I just feel so good afterward.

so, so sorry. I hope you take comfort in some of the music we've listed, although it's a feeble plug for an often raw, gaping hole. hang in there.

I'm fairly partial to Jane Monheit's version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," and I find that a great deal of Radiohead (if you tune out the lyrics) is helpful in letting me meditate on friends and family that have passed on. k.d. lang's version of "Bird on a Wire" is also quite phenomenal.

Scorzi, I am so sorry for your loss. I know it sounds trite, but it is from the heart and that has to count for something right?

"All of my Love" by Led Zeppelin a heart-breakingly beautiful song about love and loss.

"Heaven Coming Down" by The Tea Party: a song of hope and promise. It helped me survive the grief and loss of my divorce. It still lifts me when I hear it.

"I Will Follow You into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie: a lovely pop song about love and devotion.

Bach's "Toccata and Fugue in D Minor" a song composed by Bach after the death of his beloved sister. It mixes dark and heavy musicality with light and airy passages; it is like the sadness of loss mixed with memories of happier times. It makes me cry every time.

"God is Trying to Tell you Something" from The Color Purple soundtrack.

I totally second MyySharona's suggestion on that. The song is amazing and it doesn't matter if you are religious or not, it sets your arm hairs on end and makes you feel good and a little teary. Never underestimate the power of gospel music.

(I also thought about "Time After Time," so that's a good suggestion too.)

"Also, I have horrible taste in music."

The man is not lying.

Actually TK, that was me, but apparently Dustin is no longer censoring me and has switched tactics to pretending I don't exist. It's like I'm in stealth mode!

scorzi, I know it's a cliché but I really like "Smile" (the Charlie Chaplin version, not the Lily Allen one [I mean, I also love Lily Allen, but I don't think her "Smile" would really fit with what you're going for, here]). When I was a little girl, my grandfather would sing "Smile" to me whenever I was upset about something.

I guess everyone has a favorite version of "Over the Rainbow"... Mine is the version from Scrubs by the Blanks. Downloadable and fantastic.

"The Trapeze Swinger" by Iron & Wine.

"Mercy, Mercy, Mercy" by Cannonball Adderley. A nice, slow soulful version, such as on "Live at the Club." The empathetic, knowing cheers from the audience (Southern Baptist sermon style) remind us that there is strength in numbers.

From his intro:
You know, sometimes we’re not prepared for adversity. When it happens sometimes we’re caught short...sometimes we just don’t know what to do when adversity takes over and well, I have advice for all of us, I got it from my pianist, Joe Zawinul who wrote this tune and it sounds like what you’re supposed to say when you have that kind of problem...

Also this one is good for when you are feeling really, really low. You can almost hear the lead singer crying.

Crying Like a church on monday--New Radicals

First of all, scorzi, my heart goes out to you & your family for your loss. And ashes, we love you too!

I recommend Beth Nielsen Chapman's "Say Goodnight." Beautiful melody, beautiful lyrics:

Say goodnight not good-bye
You will never leave my heart behind
Like the path of a star
I'll be anywhere you are

ashes, I am so, so sorry....

I'm trying to remember the title of a Nickel Creek song...maybe Darkest Hour? Very similar in lyrics to I Will Follow You into the Dark

Also, Elton John's Funeral for a Friend...the instrumental is amazing, then the lyrics are carthartic as hell.

The medley of "Over the Rainbow" and "What a Wonderful World" by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole. Its a beautiful song and very uplifting at least to me. I always play it when I think about my Father, Mother and Brother who all were taken too early.

i'm really sorry scorzi - cancer sucks, as far too many of us know... here's my two cents on songs:

everything by material issue
imagine by the beatles
amen omen by ben harper
for me this is heaven - jimmy eat world

may the healing for you and your family begin quickly.

I'm so sorry for you loss.

"Winter" by Joshua Radin

It was used on Scrubs during Bens Funeral and it makes me cry everytime I hear it.

If you want something to make you feel hopeful, I always like "I Can See Clearly Now" (original Johnny Nash version, or any subsequent version you might like). It's got a suitably melancholy vibe for somber times, but a very healing message.

Also, I would say avoid "Amazing Grace" at all costs. I find that song so incredibly sad that if I hear it anywhere at any time, I immediately start to cry a little.

Anyway, sending good thoughts to you, scorzi, and strength in trying times.

Even just thinking about "Rainbow Connection" makes me choke up. Oh, my goodness. It is the sweetest, most wonderful song.

Second "Blue" by Yoko Kanno (great live version here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcoiZInoJjk)

My condolences, scorzi. I don't know what your uncle was like, but I would recommend "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" by Pink Floyd. Kind of a long song but really beautiful...it was written about their bandmate, Syd Barrett, who was thought to have had bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

Scorzi, I'm so sorry for your loss.

I love Eva Cassidy's version of A Beautiful World and Somewhere Over the Rainbow. She too lost her battle with cancer.

I recently asked my husband to play two of Pearl Jam's newest songs when my time comes--Just Breathe and The End.

Peace and strength for you and yours.

Best wishes, scorzi.

"Brother Sport" by Animal Collective is great pick-me-up.

Also, if you just don't have the energy, "Take Me To The Water" by Nina Simone is really nice.

Scorzi and Ashes, I'm so sorry for your losses.

To you guys, and to anyone else who's lost someone recently (hugs, Jeremy), I'd suggest listening to "Some Dusty Things" by Ron Sexsmith. In fact, his entire Time Being album is great listening during tough times; it's a lovely, soothing mix of sadness and hope ("Hands of Time" and "And Now The Day Is Done" would work equally well here).

La Dispute - Yann Tiersen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8aSC0VS3Ws

Regards to you and your family.

condolences scorzi - agreed, fuck cancer.

peaches en regailia by zappa

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Someone Great by LCD Soundsystem.

I wake up and the phone is ringing:
Surprised, as it's early.
And that should be the perfect warning,
that something's a problem.
To tell the truth I saw it coming;
the way you were breathing.
But nothing can prepare you for it,
the voice on the other end.

"Hold On" by Tom Waits
"Even Cowgirls Get the Blues" by Gaslight Anthem
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow," the cover by Israel Kamakawiwoʻole
"Rainbow Connection," a la Willie Nelson
All of Bjork's "Medulla"

A friend of mine, a musician, committed suicide in late October. That day, I listened to some of his original compositions and I fell apart, felt like I would never stop crying. I haven't been able to listen to his music since. That's the beauty of music, I guess. It's easier to let your guard down alone with a song than with a person.

Goodbye Pork Pie Hat by Charlie Mingus is a favorite. My condolences

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TU_RxWXijz0

I know they're sappy, but "Angie" by The Rolling Stones and "The Rain Song" by Led Zeppelin are the perfect songs for these situations. Though being written by the two greatest bands of all time help.

I just want to second so many of these.

A Long December by Counting Crows
Hold On by Tom Waits
In my Life, Johnny Cash version
Dead Man's Will by Calexico & Iron & Wine.
Wayfaring Stranger, try the Neko Case version
Will the Circle Be Unbroken, by anyone

Many Rivers to Cross by Jimmy Cliff is heartbreaking and heartwarming at the same time.

"The '59 Sound" by The Gaslight Anthem

I wonder which song they're gonna play when we go.
I hope it's something quiet and minor and peaceful and slow.
...
Did you hear the '59 sound coming through on Grandfather's radio?
Did you hear the rattling chains in the hospital walls?
Did you hear the old gospel choir when they came to carry you over?
Did you hear your favorite song one last time?

"Keep Me in Your Heart" by Warren Zevon.

It was a song he wrote on his last album "The Wind" as he was dying of cancer - no joke, I cry every time I hear it.

Scorzi - my sympathies to you and your family. I hope the songs help you and your mom with the pain.

I recently lost a much loved uncle too. These suggestions are all so lovely. Rainbow Connection and True Colors are making me cry.

Scorzi and ashes, I'm very sorry for your losses.

I know it was played way too much when it came out, but Tears In Heaven by Clapton consoled me when my father passed, as did Somewhere Over The Rainbow by Bruddah Iz.

I'm surprised that no one mentioned this, Pearl Jam's Man of the Hour from the Big Fish Soundtrack. I have planned for a long time for it to be played at my own funeral, and now thanks to Girl With Curious Hair, I know to squeeze it in between Just Breathe, and The End ;)
With maybe a sprinkle of Life Wasted Reprise for taste.

I'll try to refrain from the key of Pearl Jam for the rest of this.

I'd also suggest Alanis Morrisette's Not As We. It may be considered questionable since its really about someone getting dumped and figuring out how to get through life without their significant other, but by my recollection it wasn't specific. So I believe its fitting for this connotation. It was in an episode of House, and I found it in some mega pack of unofficial House season by season soundtrack torrent.

I also second anything that includes Chris Cornell, especially anything acoustic, that man is amazing. Fell on Black Days, Be Yourself, Preaching the End of the World... I suggest checking out Unplugged in Sweden as well as his set on strippedmusic.com (I have stricken any knowledge of his collaboration with Timbaland from my memory with the doo-hickey from Men in Black), and yeah the Temple of the Dog album is precious for mourning, that was its intent.

I'd also say that for my purposes what to listen to when things got you down... would be Counting Crows August & Everything After. It works for me because Adam Duritz always is able to say to me "if you think something in your life is awful listen to this..." and I'm forced to concede that he has it worse than I do.

I'm sorry for your loss, and I understand the power of music to help through dark times, it doesn't work with everyone, but those that it does it has a profound effect upon. I certainly hope this is helpful.

Scorzi, my thoughts are with you and yours. I'm truly sorry for your loss.

Lynyrd Skynyrd - "Tuesdays Gone"
Alanis Morissette - "Precious Illusions"
Nirvana - "The Man Who Sold The World"
A Perfect Circle - "Three Libras"
Pearl Jam - "Wishlist"
Colin Hay - "Waiting For My Real Life to Begin"
Tori Amos - "Taxi Ride" and "Gold Dust"
Nine Inch Nails - "The Day The World Went Away"

Isreal's version of "Over the Rainbow is outstanding.

I heartily suggest a well done version of "I'll Fly Away". As for "Amazing Grace", the Dropkick Murphys have an outstanding version with the bagpipes. After a choir sang it at my grandfather's funeral over 10 years ago, Dropkick's version is the only one I can listen to.

I am so sorry for your loss, scorzi. I lost my mother to cancer, and even 6 years later, it hurts like a bitch.

I like Samuel Berber's "Adagio for Strings." It is so moving and sad that I can cry just thinking about the melody. I think it was played at Franklin Roosevelt's funeral, and it was used in the movie "Platoon."

I'm surprised no one's recommended Funeral by Arcade Fire... particularly (Neighborhood) Tunnels. Or Wake Up.
I better be quiet now by Elliott Smith and How to Disappear by Radiohead are also good choices, and I second Josh Radin's Winter... but I fear they're a bit too down-hearted. What about "no one's gonna love you" by Band of Horses? It's in all likelihood about a breakup, but there's something about lines like "someone/they should've warned you... no one's gonna love you more than I do" and "you are the ever-living ghost of what once was" that make it seem appropriate here.
I hope you find some comfort. I retreated. I don't recommend it.

Another of my obvious favs I should have remembered: "At My Funeral" by Crash Test Dummies.

"Into My Arms" Nick Cave
"I Want to Hold Your Hand" (Across the Universe version)
"Suzanne" Nina Simone version
"Hallelujah" Jeff Buckley version
"This Mortal Coil" (Song to the Siren)Cocteau Twins
"O Mio Babbino Caro" Maria Callas
"Walking In the Air" The Snowman
"Pie Jesu" Hayley Westenra

kia kaha Scorzi

"But you are safe now
and effortlessly breathing
where new weather will fall on you

Your fears break like waves
foaming into themselves
disappearing into the sea."

There it is.

I see a lot of mention of "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" by Death Cab For Cutie and I gotta say its just a horrible feckin' song for someone who is actually grieving, in my opinion.

When I heard the song, I thought, 'Wow, beautiful song. So soulful.' and like everyone else thought it would be a good song to play at my funeral.

THEN a friend of a friend died at the young age of 19. He played bass guitar in a garage band and after the eugoogalies were finished, his band went ahead and sang that song last in his honor. Hearing this song played in grieving AT a funeral is probably one of the SADDEST and worst things I've ever experienced in my life. Its like it twisted the knife and amplified everyone's inner pain from the loss and even though I didn't know the deceased that well, I started to lose it big time and start balling huge waves of tears.

... thats what I got from that experience, anyway. I just can't recommend that one if you are seeking comfort.

Sorry about your uncle, scorzi.

I'm currently fighting a second round of cancer myself, so am looking and listening from the other perspective.

I love Johnny Cash's version of "Hurt". It is just a raw view of someone looking over their life, and owning it with all of its flaws. It's beautiful.

Also, "Sand and Water" by Beth Neilsen Chapman is one of the most gorgeous goodbye songs ever penned.

My mom died on the 9th of this month and I am so grateful to all you Pajibans for these great suggestions. Have already spent a bunch downloading songs now.

One suggestion that hasn't come up: "Life is a Song" by Patrick Park. So touching and appropriate.

Keep those recommendations coming, folks! And much love to everyone who is hurting and trying to make it through. I feel you.

sigh..

My dad died about four months ago.
Keep an eye on your mother, Scorzi. Grief can take years. An after about 3 months nobody cares any more, so thats were you come in.

My dad wanted 'Nancy with a laughing face' by Sinatra, and we played 'The Times are a'changing' by Bob Dylan.

Take music from their time, and the time they were young.

And now I'll stop reading this piece. Death is depressing.

Treena, just keep fighting! You kicked cancer's nasty, miserable ass once, you'll do it again!
And I agree that "Hurt" is an amazingly cathartic listen.

One more thing "FUCK CANCER!" It can have no more of our little group!

Words of Wisdom by Jump Little Children (even though it's about the loss of a father).

Another song by Loreena McKennitt: "Cymbeline." The lyrics are from a funeral song from the Shakespeare play of the same name:

"Fear no more the heat o' th' sun
Nor the furious winters rages;
Thou thy wordly task hast done,
Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages."

My sincere condolences to everyone on this thread who has lost family and loved ones.

sorry, that sounded harsh...when I lost my dad, I called it "wallowing" for the first few months, then the rage kicked in for a few years--and so on.

Sorry, just thought of another one. Allison Krause does beautiful rendition of "Down to the River to Pray." It's similar to Amazing Grace in its old-timey-ness, not something you hear every day.

Sorry for your loss...my prayers for your family.

"On and On" and "Everlasting Everything" By Wilco

"The Luckiest" by Ben Folds

Hmmm....many of these go on my "Saddest Songs of All Time" list, but they may help you realize that there are others who know your pain:

1. "Leaving October" by Sons of the Desert
2. "Think of Laura" by Christopher Cross
3. "Letting You Go" by Lauren Kennedy (just about saying goodbye, not specifically about death)
4. "And When She Danced" by David Foster/Marilyn Martin
5. "Hold On" (slow version from Rarities and B-Sides) by Sarah MacLachlan
6. "I Don't Want to Say Goodbye" by Teddy Thompson
7. "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton
8. "He Was a Friend of Mine" by Willie Nelson
9. "Temporary Home" by Carrie Underwood
10. "Probably Wouldn't Be This Way" by Leann Rimes

These will help you get it out and get it over with, which is what I always have to do after a loss.

I'm with Yossarian. Do You Realize? by The Flaming Lips is wonderful.

My deepest sympathies go out to everyone who's lost a loved one to cancer. It sucks. Fuck cancer.

As for songs, I can't believe no one's mentioned the eels. 'Electro shock blues' is the best album about death I've ever heard. 'Dead of Winter' is break-your-heart beautiful and 'PS You Rock My World' is a really lovely, hopeful end to the album.

'I was thinking about how everyone is dying, and maybe it's time to live.'

Somehow instrumentals always both destroy and rebuild me like nothing with lyrics ever can. I always wanted "Always and Forever" (and to a lesser degree "Tell Her You Saw Me") by Pat Metheny and Miles Davis' "Blue in Green" played at my funeral.

I know I'm way too late on this...but Heather Nova's 'Walking Higher'. Do it.

Maybe this is too sad, but "I didn't want to say goodbye" by Ari Hest is truly heartbreaking.