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Slay Me With Your Clever T-Shirt Slogans, Poseurs

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (125)

cool-virgins-funny-t-shirt-funny.jpg

I’m feeling contest-y again this afternoon. Ms. TwoP Fan, who we’re still trying to convert into Pajiba_Fan, has a race to run this August. The Warrior Dash. I don’t know what that is. But what’s important is that she wants to make a T-Shirt. And she wants a clever slogan/motto/witticism on it. That’s where you come in. As she writes, “It can be encouraging, motivating or snarky, I’m trying to avoid pathetic and creepy.” So, no Twilight related slogans, folks

TWoP Fan will be the judge of this contest. If you come up with the winning T-Shirt slogan, I will have that slogan printed on an American Apparel T and I will send that T-Shirt to you. And you can wear it. Backwards, if you’d like.









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Comments

I have always been fond of:

Non Sum Qualis Est

Which is Latin for:

I'm not what I used to be (or something like that).

Posted by: BWeaves at July 8, 2010 4:27 PM

Nil Desperandum

"Do Not Despair" or possibly "No Vacancy". My Latin sucks.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 8, 2010 4:29 PM

"I'm gonna kick some ass! I'm gonna rise up, gonna kick a little ass! Rock, flag, and eagle!" - Charlie Kelly

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at July 8, 2010 4:31 PM

I am going to have to go with my favorite insult of all time--the one I am still waiting for the perfect moment to say. Sometimes I keep friends who I have grown to intensely dislike just hoping that they'll provide me with the chance to say:

There isn't a person here who doesn't wish you were dead.

Posted by: sheshakes at July 8, 2010 4:31 PM

57 Billion entertainment blogs, and nothing on.
Pajiba

Posted by: logar at July 8, 2010 4:32 PM

I was a chubby kid who never exercised. That changed in my 20’s. So, I wear one of my favorite t-shirts to the gym that says:

"Picked last in gym class."

Most people can relate because it has happened to them at least once.

Posted by: Shu Shu Fontana at July 8, 2010 4:32 PM

One of my father's sayings:

Nothing difficult is ever easy.


I think he meant it to be a joke. I think.

Posted by: Slash at July 8, 2010 4:35 PM

Pajibans Do It For a Cephalopod.

[The hell, spellcheck? cephalopod isn't a word? screw you!]

Posted by: figgy at July 8, 2010 4:37 PM

I think the runners behind her would be right p.o.'d to read this on her back:

I'm A 'Pajiba' Fan - If You Ain't, Better Catch Up

Posted by: abliac at July 8, 2010 4:37 PM

As soon on my high school cross country tshirt:
"Run like you stole something."

Posted by: phaedawg at July 8, 2010 4:37 PM

er seen. damn!

Posted by: phaedawg at July 8, 2010 4:38 PM

1. Eat Right, Stay Fit, Die Anyways

2. I can't complain, no one listens to me

3. Always be specific when you lie

4. FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!! ... well, now I feel better

Posted by: Kargoyle at July 8, 2010 4:40 PM

On the back of the shirt:

If you can read this, you're losing.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 8, 2010 4:41 PM

T-Shirt slogan:

Glass half full?
Glass half empty?
Doesn't matter, as long as I'm enjoying the drink.

Posted by: Ed Rokose at July 8, 2010 4:41 PM

Where'd you learn to run, nose school?

Posted by: BWeaves at July 8, 2010 4:41 PM

Run Like You're Being Chased By Nazi Zombies

Posted by: Harry Coverts at July 8, 2010 4:42 PM

I'm at war with F=ma!

(Newton's law of inertia)

Posted by: Smokey at July 8, 2010 4:43 PM

Run Like You're Being Chased By Nazi Zombies...IN SPACE!!!

Posted by: A-schaef at July 8, 2010 4:45 PM

"Ask Me About 'Pookie'
You Won't Be Sorry.."

Posted by: Bill (Formerly Bill) at July 8, 2010 4:45 PM

Pajiba: It Rhymes with Vagina

Cause I always wanted a shirt that said vagina on it.

Posted by: ZoBla at July 8, 2010 4:45 PM

I'm particularly fond of something my track coach always said: "Anything worth doing is worth doing well."

Quite a few of my teammates have that tattooed somewhere on themselves.

Also a funny shirt, but one that's already out there (on Glarkware, founder of TWoP): the front says "Fully Bonded Sherpa" - the back has an arrow that says "Follow me!"

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at July 8, 2010 4:47 PM

Stolen from the Pun-of-the-Day website:

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

I can't recall the last time I did any running, but I've been jogging my memory.

Running for 26 miles would be quite a feet.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 8, 2010 4:48 PM

Make no little plans; they have no magic to stir men's blood.
-Daniel H. Burnham

Posted by: kel at July 8, 2010 4:49 PM

I Vanquished the Warrior...

And All I Got Was This Stupid TShirt.

Posted by: logar at July 8, 2010 4:49 PM

Serious: If you can read this you're exactly where you belong.

Not Serious:
-There's free beer for the person who comes in last.
-Don't bother, Greg Anderson is my trainer.
-I beat Marion Jones in Sydney.

Offensive:
Please stay where you are. I don't want to look at your saggy ass.
Good thing for you I've got a great ass.

Obviously these are on the back.

Posted by: admin at July 8, 2010 4:50 PM

If it ain't broke, you obviously didn't hit it hard enough

Posted by: Kargoyle at July 8, 2010 4:50 PM

1. Bad grammar makes me [sic].

2. Everyone has their good points. Some folks just mistake them for spurs.

3. Sarchasm - the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and those that don't get it.

4. Don't be a dick.

Posted by: androstarr at July 8, 2010 4:50 PM

"I am seriously regretting this."

That's what I'd be thinking if I were running something called the "Warrior Run" in August. Good luck to you; you're a better woman than I.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at July 8, 2010 4:52 PM

If you think I look good with this shirt on, you should see me naked

Posted by: Kargoyle at July 8, 2010 4:55 PM

I quite liked this:

"It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop." - Confucius

Mostly because I would be going very slowly. Or dead.

Posted by: Carrie at July 8, 2010 4:57 PM

Dorothy, that made me think of "I immediately regret my decision", which I love.

ZoBla... it rhymes with vagina? Have I been saying it wrong for years?

Posted by: Patty O'Green at July 8, 2010 4:58 PM

a few years back they did something like that here, where they gave random people a plain white t-shirt and then let them write/adorn whatever they wanted on it.

It got intriguing.

As for clever slogans:

- My other job is Macho Man Randy Savage
- Your boobs could use a hand.
- I'm hungover with power!

Posted by: Fredo at July 8, 2010 5:05 PM

"I'm being chased by Tom Cruise (or other equally frightening entity). Why is everyone else running?"

Posted by: Erin S at July 8, 2010 5:05 PM

Patty: The vagina thing was Pajiba's slogan for years.

Posted by: BWeaves at July 8, 2010 5:06 PM

Run Away! Run Away!

Posted by: BWeaves at July 8, 2010 5:07 PM

The saturation point for clever t-shirt slogans has been reached.


That's not just an observation. I'm actually suggesting that goes on a t-shirt.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 8, 2010 5:08 PM

Your chances with me are much better after the race

Posted by: logar at July 8, 2010 5:13 PM

"I'm winning this thing. Anyone in front of me gets stabbed."

Posted by: TK at July 8, 2010 5:13 PM

I'm running 'till the Arrested Development Movie comes out. Only Mitch Hurwitz can stop me!

Of course, then you'd never be able to stop running.

Posted by: esme at July 8, 2010 5:16 PM

Shit... There goes my hymen.

Ok, that's too gross.

Posted by: logar at July 8, 2010 5:21 PM

"Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc." If you believe The Addams Family, it means "We gladly feast on those who would subdue us." That's what I'm putting on my hockey helmet.

Posted by: Siege at July 8, 2010 5:27 PM

How about:

Pajiba!
(Like a vagina, but with better taste!)

Posted by: meh at July 8, 2010 5:29 PM

I've made a HUGE mistake.

Posted by: cmoody at July 8, 2010 5:31 PM

Aaay, lemme throw this against the wall & see if sticks: If this "Warrior Dash" lady chooses a slogan that mentions Pajiba (Pajiba.com?), maybe some of the more regular readers might wanna start a friendly little website 'pool' to make the race a bit more exciting if she finishes in, say, the Top 5 or 10, eh goombas??

Of course, the fine Mr. Rowles surely applauds any and all "projects" designed simply to bring everyone closer, and more harmomious with each other, in the Pajiba'verse- I don't mind leading the way to closer communtiy understanding and-- and closeness amongst such exceptional people as those that OKaaay

so to get the ball rolling, let's give a generous sum of money to this event, so one lucky fellow Pajiban can be a defining statement of unity for us all
send cash, check or m.o to my handle, po bx 1211, Molean, AL (no zip code, town's not big enough) and I WILL HOLD ALL OF THESE FUNDS IN MY REAL SECURE SPACE, TO BE DISBURSED TO THE WINNER at the conclusion of this bonding occasion that will unite us as never before.

I await your ever-rewarding reponses, as I've been told many tales of the legendary generosity you display towards your own, God bless.

I'll start it off at $25 to place, ok? Remember that.

Posted by: Dedicated Pajibist at July 8, 2010 5:32 PM

Alternatively, as the active voice is stronger...


We have reached the saturation point for clever t-shirt slogans.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at July 8, 2010 5:33 PM

Does Ms. TwoPFan have an elderly friend also participating in the race, by chance? Because I saw an older gentleman the other day wearing a shirt that said "Pushing 90 is the only exercise I need." Totally inappropriate for the contest, but the saying just tickled me.

Posted by: PallasJay at July 8, 2010 5:33 PM

Who Got Beef, Then Chew It
Yo, The Devil Made Me Do It

-- or --

YOSSARIAN LIVES!

-- or --

Chewbacca! (front) What a wookie! (back)

-- or (more recently, per figgy) --

GIVE YOUR BODY TO GODTOPUS

Posted by: superasente at July 8, 2010 5:35 PM

Darth,
I think they both kick ass - your 5:09pm suggestion made me laugh hard enough that I didn't mind having to work an extra 2 hours tonight
Very good, sir!

Posted by: abliac at July 8, 2010 5:40 PM

If Obama was a dinosaur he would be the Pterrorist

Posted by: Jared at July 8, 2010 5:50 PM

I bought my dad a thrift store T that read:

STOP PLATE TECTONICS

I figured if anyone could do it, it would be my dad.

Posted by: j at July 8, 2010 5:59 PM

My ass smells like ass

Posted by: chewster at July 8, 2010 6:01 PM

"You have a face for radio."

Posted by: lolux at July 8, 2010 6:03 PM

Beer has electrolytes. It's science.

Posted by: logar at July 8, 2010 6:04 PM

I designed this shirt.

Front:
http://www.deproductive.com/bobdolenotsmiling.jpg
Back:
http://www.deproductive.com/bobdolesmiling.jpg

And you can wear that if you like. I've had a couple printed myself. You will never find a better t-shirt for getting confused/amused reactions from people. If you want the print files, send me an e-mail at obryen at gmail dot com.

Posted by: Lucas at July 8, 2010 6:07 PM

Ho, ho, ho. No beecha kan hoo Han Solo.

Posted by: logar at July 8, 2010 6:10 PM

Hedonists have more Fun.

Posted by: Sally at July 8, 2010 6:21 PM

Front: I give no quarter
Back: Dime or nickle, either. So don't ask. Bitch.

Feel free to edit that one.

Posted by: logar at July 8, 2010 6:56 PM

M*l@nf$rm#r!

Posted by: elzupasmonkey at July 8, 2010 7:00 PM

Miracles Happen Only To The Delusional

Or...

Courage Walks Hand-in-Hand With Stupidity

Posted by: Case at July 8, 2010 7:00 PM

FCUK is for dyslexics?

Condoms are for pussies?

Posted by: Sexy at July 8, 2010 7:04 PM

"I'm not here to make friends".

Although we might have to pay Rich at FourFour

Posted by: greer at July 8, 2010 7:23 PM

I want the shirt to say:

D*A*S*H

With an illustration of Alan Alda wearing an exercise headband. If selected I will make and submit this illustration. It will be awesome.

Also, regardless, my best friend has a screenprinting setup and a wholesale account with American Apparel. Let's deal?

Posted by: Caroline at July 8, 2010 7:25 PM

"Show me a Free Beer button and I'll show you a Warrior with her pants around one ankle, riding that thing with her clit like candy's gonna' rain from the sky."

For the guys, you could go with:

"Show me a Free Beer button and I'll show you a Warrior with his pants around his ankles, mashing that thing with his dick like candy's gonna' rain from the sky."

Posted by: longcoat000 at July 8, 2010 7:31 PM

OH NEW IDEA SO DORKY

Hyphen Nation

(I can't believe this isn't actually a shirt already. Maybe it is.)

Posted by: Caroline at July 8, 2010 7:34 PM

Posted by: TWoP_Fan at July 8, 2010 7:40 PM

OR (after this I am seriously done)

A picture of the Hulk and then

WARRIOR SMASH!

or

SUPER WARRIOR BROTHERS with a picture of a Mario-like scene and some 8-bit runners

Posted by: Caroline at July 8, 2010 7:41 PM

I like Pizza .....I Like it

or

The End Period.exclamation!

or

Closed for service

or

fuck'it 2 tears in a bucket

Posted by: gilp at July 8, 2010 8:03 PM

I can't believe that nobody used "Illegetimi non carborundum" (Don't let the bastards grind you down) - order of old bastards.

Posted by: Uncle JR at July 8, 2010 8:21 PM

If I Knew You Were Breathing, I'd Have Baked A Cake

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 8, 2010 8:33 PM

On the back:

I don't need to outrun the rest of them. I only need to outrun you.

Posted by: , at July 8, 2010 8:35 PM

"I'm out of my element."

"This is not 'Nam, this is the Warrior Dash, there are rules."

"If you will it, it is no dream." ~ Theodor Herzl, State of Israel

"This is a very complicated race, a lot of ins, a lot of outs."

"60% of the time, I win this race every time."

Posted by: Mick J at July 8, 2010 8:47 PM

Well, I'd go with something from The Warriors.

Front: "Warriors, come out to play-i-ay!"

Back: "Can you dig it?"


Alternate Back:
"Be lookin' good, Warriors. All the way back to Coney. Ya hear me, babies? Good. Re-e-al good. Adios."


Posted by: BierceAmbrose at July 8, 2010 8:57 PM

Godtopus Made Me Do It

or

Godtopus wants me to win

or

What Would Jesopus Do? (Win, of course)

Posted by: Cindy at July 8, 2010 9:01 PM

There is no race... ONLY ZUUL.

Or, just to throw your competitors off...

Everyday a panda is raped. One is not enough.

Posted by: jM at July 8, 2010 9:48 PM

My Other Car Is Another Car

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 8, 2010 10:08 PM

My favorite shirt from circa age 16 "FCK... all that's missing is U".

New fave that the fiancee made up: "Haterade is for wimps, I drink Spite!"
Works better if you see the word "spite" in colors and font ripping off a popular non caffeinated beverage...

Posted by: Maria at July 8, 2010 10:12 PM

If you can dodge a wrench

Posted by: Victoria at July 8, 2010 10:12 PM

The Bob Dole shirt by Lucas should definitely win. There is no competition.

Posted by: THRILLHO at July 8, 2010 10:21 PM

TWoP_Fan

just checked out the site you posted & now I'm really getting excited about it! I wish you the best, but must admit that if I were still your age and at the same physical peak, I'd most definitely be participating in checking for updates of this event from my pc, much as I am right now.

I've no idea of what sustains your apparent resistance to being fully in love and totally committed to this most splendiferous buffet of shared intelligencia some entity decided to entitle 'Pajiba', served at your convenience and populated with some of the wittiest, insightful movie reviewers and equally-entertaining commenters you'll ever find, in print or the web or even Fox.

But please don't let me influence you in any way, I'm merely a recent 'convert' myself, and just wanted to affirm that resistance is truly futile, so please don't prolong the process.

Posted by: TehKittehSqueeLaFontaine at July 8, 2010 10:25 PM

Makoto Nagano wannabe.

Yes, woman. No cry.

(serious props to you for doing this race!)

Posted by: imiachra at July 8, 2010 11:14 PM

Zombie Apocalypse Tour 2010:
Boston (rode em down with the T)
New York (dropped a building on them [too soon?])
Chicago (Beat one with a cubs bat [gotta be good for something])
Las Vegas (sent them to the buffet [my ex])
LA (Michael Bay used his powers to blow them up)
etc.

Posted by: Nico at July 8, 2010 11:26 PM

Bella dies at the end and Edward marries Jacob

Posted by: Nico at July 8, 2010 11:30 PM

How do they know that vampires have 47 chromosomes and warewolves have 48 chromosomes if they aren't real?

Posted by: Nico at July 8, 2010 11:31 PM

I love the Latin:

Mei capilli sunt flagrantes - My hair is on fire

Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi - Excuse me. I've got to see a man about a dog

Nolle prosequi - Do not pursue

Caro putridas es! - You're dead meat!

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 8, 2010 11:37 PM

Keep it simple:

I'd rather be reading Pajiba.

Posted by: Meghan at July 8, 2010 11:37 PM

*on the back*

Go back! We missed a turn three miles ago.

Posted by: , at July 8, 2010 11:43 PM

Schwa: Don't Stress.

Posted by: zomgmouse at July 9, 2010 12:56 AM

I'm sorry and you're welcome.
or
Quintessence of badassery.

Posted by: sheshakes at July 9, 2010 1:07 AM

My personal favorite comes from my great-grandfather, one whose immortal words passed through the generations were:

I'm talking to myself because there's no one else more intelligent nearby.

Would work perfectly when you're cheering yourself on! Good luck!

Posted by: sweet francaise at July 9, 2010 2:01 AM

I want the shirt to say:

D*A*S*H

With an illustration of Alan Alda wearing an exercise headband.

I want this one. I'm not even taking part, but I wants it.

Posted by: Carrie at July 9, 2010 4:08 AM

Um...total html fail.

Posted by: Carrie at July 9, 2010 4:09 AM

the tortoise and the hare was only a story.

Posted by: idleprimate at July 9, 2010 5:08 AM

Stercus accidit

(Shit Happens in Latin)

Posted by: Sexy at July 9, 2010 5:19 AM

Front: [Godtopus pic]
Back: Godtopus has his eye on you!

Posted by: mswas at July 9, 2010 7:34 AM

Get out of there!

Posted by: Dugs at July 9, 2010 8:26 AM

TwOP Fan - Just wondering if you did Tough Mudder this year as well? I know a few who did it and said it was a lot harder than the typical mud run/ obstacle race.

Shirt Slogan: You come at the king, (you could replace with a female noun) you best not miss.
Because Omar, that's why.

Posted by: ninetwenteetoo at July 9, 2010 9:00 AM

Caroline, I want all three of those shirts! I don't run (heck, I practically mosey), but I would wear the shit out of that D*A*S*H shirt.

Posted by: Patty O'Green at July 9, 2010 9:52 AM

ninetwenteetoo, this is actually only my second race. I did a regular 5k last year, but this just looked so fun I couldn't resist. I may regret it.

Thanks for all the suggestions, guys. The conversation went

Me: 'Man, I need something clever for my shirt. You know who's clever?'
Him: 'Me?'
Me:'No, sweetie. The people on Pajiba. I smell a comment diversion!'
Him: ...

Posted by: TWoP_Fan at July 9, 2010 12:11 PM

Quod me non interficit, me non interficit. ["What doesn't kill me, doesn't kill me."]

Translated into Latin; original quote from the musical "Next to Normal" (i.e., "Proxu iuxta Cotidianum")

Posted by: Kelly at July 9, 2010 12:16 PM

Semper Ubi Sub Ubi.

Latin for 'always wear underwear'.

Posted by: Paul at July 9, 2010 1:38 PM

I *heart* International Cosmopolitan City

Posted by: Estelle at July 9, 2010 2:30 PM

"Right now I wish I had persecutory delusions,
so I would know I wouldn't come in last..."

Or a better English rephrase...

Posted by: foaly at July 9, 2010 6:11 PM

Pajiba: Where movies come to die.

or

It ain't over till the fat lady s....tumbles over the finish line.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at July 9, 2010 6:31 PM

"RULE #1: CARDIO"

Posted by: Sulphuraceous at July 9, 2010 9:34 PM

or, to paraphrase my sister: "You have a 50% chance of winning. Either you do or you don't."

Posted by: Sulphuraceous at July 9, 2010 9:36 PM

Pajibans Do It with Scathing.

Pajiba: All the kids who think they're cool are doing it.

I have a t-shirt that says,

"So many right-wing Christians, so few lions."

My mum, the Anglican Deacon, loved it.

I also had a shirts that said -

a. I hate quotations (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

b. Obey Me.

I never had the nerve to wear the second one out of the house.

@zomgmouse - I LOVE IT when I get pretentious jokes!

Perhaps that is what should be on the Pajiba t-shirt.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 10, 2010 12:16 AM

Pajiba Sports

Just Review IT!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 10, 2010 1:28 PM

"Fuck 'em & Feed 'em Beans"

or

"Go Suck A Fat Baby's Dick!"

Posted by: Big Fonz at July 10, 2010 2:20 PM

"I think god is punishing me for being an atheist"

Posted by: SarahReznor at July 10, 2010 2:54 PM

I hate you and your hideous taste in everything.

Posted by: celery at July 10, 2010 5:00 PM

Follow me. Follow me if you want your freedom!

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 10, 2010 5:45 PM

How about this one?

If your face isn't sticky, you're NOT eating it right...

Posted by: Frank at July 10, 2010 6:41 PM

Issues? Hell, I have a lifetime subscription!

Posted by: Julie S. at July 10, 2010 6:50 PM

You suck. Get over it.

Posted by: zomgmouse at July 10, 2010 7:12 PM

If Obama was a dinosaur he would be the Pterrorist

Posted by: Jared at July 8, 2010 5:50 PM
hey Jared i saw a Better one at my work place Obama One Big Ass Mistake America.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 10, 2010 11:04 PM

my own t shirt reads No weapon forged against me shall stand. it's a message from Isaiah.

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 10, 2010 11:09 PM

Thanks, THRILLHO.

Posted by: Lucas at July 11, 2010 1:01 AM

I have the body of a God. Too bad it's Buddha.

Posted by: Irina at July 11, 2010 3:34 PM

"NONE SHALL PASS"

Posted by: Suphuraceous at July 11, 2010 5:12 PM

The best one I've seen:

Hi! I'm the Dread Pirate Roberts #76358. Ask me about franchise opportunities in your area!

Posted by: YeahButNoBut at July 11, 2010 11:53 PM

Picture of Jesus on a cloud and in block letters underneath it says JESUS HATES THE YANKEES. I own it and love it.

Posted by: scorzi at July 12, 2010 2:44 PM

Nothing to fear but fear itself. (except for shin splints, blisters and dehydration. Oh, and the murdertank behind you.)

Posted by: Smokey at July 13, 2010 2:48 PM

On the back of an old Toyota Corolla wagon that had an extensive "mobile library" (thanks, George!):

NOT ANOTHER SUBARU!

Posted by: ChinaCat at August 13, 2010 6:30 PM

OMG! I'm in "mobile library: Heaven!

Thanks to all!

Posted by: ChinaCat at August 13, 2010 6:32 PM

If You Think I Look Good Now,
You Should See Me Naked.

Posted by: Jeremiah Mitchell at October 29, 2010 7:44 PM