Pajiba

Billy Crystal (professionally) I would watch anything with him.

Don McKellar (sexually) - Yes, even in Twitch City. No, I really can't explain it.

oh and Todd, my hubby's totally in love with Laeticia as well. where has she been lately anyhow?

Celebrities I inexplicably like:

1) Jennifer Love Hewitt

2) Russell Crowe - he's such an ass, but damn it, he is magnetic on the big screen. And yes, even though he's looking stumpy these days, I'd totally bang him.

3) Tom Cruise - yep, you read it correctly. Perhaps because I don't give a fuck about his personal life, and while he's had hits and misses, I still think he can act.

4) Jennifer Lopez - say what you will, but the woman has ambition, and I have the utmost respect for women with ambition (also: Kelly Clarkson, who ROCKS).

David Thewlis - I absolutely cannot explain my attraction to that man.

Bruce Campbell - I will watch just about anything he's done.

Lucy Lawless - I loved the camp of Xena, so now I always keep an eye on what she's doing, ditto for Jennifer Garner, since I also loved Alias. Well, at least most of Alias!

Ian McKellen (sexually)- I know he's old...and gay. But he's yummy.

Kiera Knightly - I think she's beautiful, even if she is too thin, and I like the movies I've seen her in. Ditto for Angelina Jolie.

I keep wanting to defend La Lohan, just because she was such a cute kid, and her parents just wrecked her life. Sure, she made her own choices, but how could she be expected to do otherwise when surrounded by sleeze on all sides? And why the hell wasn't her mom kicking her ass...oh yeah, she was getting wasted right along with her. Grrrr. Irresponsible parents piss me off.

Orlando Bloom. The man is simply gorgeous, and yes, I've seen all his films. He seems like a really nice guy, and a decent actor.

Richard E. Grant. He's all tall and skinny and British and I totally love him.

Hayden Christensen - Shamefully bad actor, and probably gay. Was the cherry of suck on top of the Star Wars prequel sundae of awful, and yet -- I would totally hit that.

And I also really like Fergie's music. *hides*

Josh Lucas - S&P - I love watching him, would listen to him read a phone book, can't explain it. I don't know if this is truly a shame because I don't think he's half-bad, but I've never heard anyone exactly point out how great his acting skills are.

People, people. Most of the above mentions aren't shameful! I'll show you shameful, though it shouldn't surprise many folks: After all these years, I still really like David Spade. Eat it.

This word "ashamed".

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what many of you think it means.

Ashamed of being sexually attracted to a super hot underware model like Laeticia Casta?

Ashamed of find Gina Gershon hot? Sienna Miller? Did you people not see "Bound" or "Layer Cake"?

Ashamed of liking Bruce Campbell professionally?

Get it together, people!

Dammit! I was towards the top when I started typing it. My bad.

socalled - I swear I didn't copy. LOL

I forgot Ian McKellen! I need to stop reading everyone's comments cause now I have a bunch I forgot about. hehehe

So, uh...that Harry Potter kid is kinda ripped...cough cough.

sexually - Orlando Bloom--I guess this is terribly uncool.
And, dare I say it? Vin Diesel. This one makes no sense to me because I do not like muscle-y, manly men--ugh. I like my women more butch and my men more femme.

professionally--no one is coming to mind, though I'll probably have an aha moment in an hour, when there are already 154 posts...

Beth Ditto - sexiest young bitch in rock. I don't care if she plays for the other team - I could change her.

Sexually:
Phillip Seymour Hoffman: Please don't ask why, there's no way in heaven or earth I can justify feeling attracted toward this man, especially after Devil Knows You're Dead.

Jack Black: Looks like my boyfriend, wish my boyfriend could take several pages from his book.

(guess I'm a chubby-chaser at heart; wanna fight about it?)

Professionally:
Tim Roth: There's something riveting about every performance he does, no matter what movie.

Alan Rickman: Love his voice, can't explain why.

Toni Colette: She represent everything that's good about Hollywood, the one chance where the awkward-looking girl with talent wins out over skanks to get cool movie roles.

(I apologise for the PSH lust, It's gross, I know, but we all have our hangups, right?)

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner - I've had a soft spot for both of them for quite a while, so now the spot is bigger and softer since they got married. My love for Jennifer Garner knows no bounds. I own Elektra.

Avril Lavigne - I know she's a snot and not that talented, but damn her music is so much fun to sing. She my favorite to karaoke.

And, Jack White is hot.

S. Pisaster-ha! I almost included him, despite our 9 year age difference.

My most shameful sexual celebrity is DJ AM- he's not even really a celebrity, he was engaged to Nicole Richie (pre-Duffian sloppy seconds) and it's really shallow because he used to be fat, but I see him and I'm like, damn, he is attractive.
Beyond that, though, Hayden Christensen is one for me also, Smithy, and Adrien Brody. I can't explain what it is I like/want about them, but they just have this energy or vibe that they give off....

Professionally, I know now it's cool to make Nicole Kidman into the Ice Queen who was in Bewitched, but I still think she's lovely and has made some great movies.

Jessi- I believe Alan Cumming is bisexual, but is currently in a civil partnership or whatever with a man.

Helena Bonham Carter. No matter how nuts she is. Can't tell if she's actually a good actress or not anymore. Or if she ever was. I just want to see her more. period. She fascinates me.

Still can't hate Woody Allen's body of work has done, even though he's defined scum in all personal senses of human existance.

Also still bear fond memories of old Robin Williams stand up, so I keep hoping he will be clever and witty and au courant, even to the point of going to see RV. Sadly disapointing, but I keep hoping. Not sexually though. ew.

Shameful crushes
1. Milo Ventimiglia. Based on his work in Heroes, I have to surmise that he went to the Horatio Caine School of Acting, or at least took a short course on the use of the dramatic pause. ("There was... a girl... who trusted me....")
But I don't care, honey, just take your shirt off.
2. Jeff Goldblum. What the hell is wrong with me?
3. Jennifer Love Hewitt. I think it's fantastic how she wanders about on that atrocious show, wearing nightgowns all the time. I love her.
4. Amy Grant. See: Jeff Goldblum.
5. The men of Whedon. Except there's no shame in that, they're all awesome.
wozzle: There's no shame in loving Bruce Campbell.

I am taking this moment to confess: I own Troy, Kingdom of Heaven and Elizabethtown. I shelve the DVDs together and call it my Orlando Is Pretty trilogy.

Mm, eyecandy.

As a 20-year-old, all of my peers make fun of me for this, but I can't help it.

Gerard Depardieu.
Sexually, Romantically, etc.
I feel in love with him when I saw Cyrano and I can't help it. I know he's a reported womanizer I know he's not conventionally attractive. Hell, he's older than my dad. I even loved him in the live action version of Asterix.

Also I love, without any trace of irony, John Mayer. I was sort of into his song Clarity when it came out but when my roommate's boyfriend introduced us to his TRY! album I was shamefully hooked. He's talent lead me to find out more about him and now I'm attracted to him. Even his gross guitar faces.

Thank you Pajiba, for constantly being here for me to indulge in my secret shames.

1. Ron Eldard (sexually) - I am not sure why I find him so attractive. It's just sad to me that he's so under-utilized. I even watched that show where he played the blind detective (and that's devotion right there.)

2. Vin Diesel (sexually) - Yum. Shame he can't act his way out of a paper bag.

3. Jake Busey (both) - I find him fascinating for no apparent reason, except perhaps that I have always had a soft spot for psychopaths.

4. Nicholas Brendan (both) - I was so excited to see him turn up on my TV recently. I was actually yelling "You go Xander! You get yourself a career!"

For women: I inexplicably adore Lori Petty, Jill Hennessey, and Cameron Manheim.

And dammit I spelled "fell" incorrectly.

Double frick

1) Steve Martin

2) Harrison Ford

3) Sting

I can't help it, I like the old, smart dudes however crappy their movies/music are.
mr.wsapnin makes fun of me because Sting is now lumped in as "adult contemporary". So what--I'll take his tantric ass any day.

Julian McMahon-ditto for the "Charmed" reference above

Milo Ventimiglia-especially circa "Gilmore Girls." Rory was so wrong to hook up with Dean or Logan. Jess was the man!

Lauren Graham-even though the last couple of seasons of GG sucked.

Sorry, can't think of any others. **sigh**

Sexually- Ben Affleck, my first celebrity crush in middle school when Armageddon came out.

Professionally- Keri Russell, from all those episodes of Felicity, and the Olsen twins- I grew up with them on Full House, and watched all of their god-awful straight-to-video movies and loved them all.

Justin Timberlake - Since he broke out in his solo career (Rock Your Body) I am shamefully attracted to him and his body. I don't know what it is about him...

Tate Donovan - Strange, extremely strange. I have a thing for redheads. You can add Conan O'Brien in there as well.

Though it isn't a person, I have an obsession with the MTV show The Hills. I know it is completely fake, produced and the people on it have no reason to complain. But I love it. I tivo it and whenever there is a marathon on, I find my eyes glued to my television screen and my ass to the couch. Ditto for Laguna Beach as well. There is just something about that Lauren Conrad....

PS
CHRISTINA, Kerri Russell soooo has talent. I object to you listing her here. :-)

1. Tony Blair - sexually, he's got weird teeth and facial features, but he's kept me watching international years for news (sadly no more) I can't explain it at all

2. Jeff Goldbloom - professionally, maybe it was his wickedly naughty (delicious at my young and tender pre-teen age) character in Jurassic Park or his self-abasing character in Independence Day a few years later, but he was part of my formative years and I still find him very amusing despite my renunciation of most other things I liked in that time period

OK, so I used to watch General Hospital back in the Luke and Laura days, and I still love Genie Francis and will watch her act in the worst of TV movies.
Gene Simmons, pre-plastic surgery, was inexplicably hot.
Patrick Stewart (sexually)

1. Steve Buscemi (sexually) - Whatever. Those wiry, crazy-looking dudes are usually tigers in the sack.
2. Adrien Brody (sexually) - See above.
3. Andre 3000 (sexually) - See above. Also, sharply dressed, like a psychadelic Great Gatsby.

Seriously, how in the free world is it shameful to find yourself attracted to celebrities as undeniably HOT as Hugh Grant, Orlando Bloom, Milo Ventimiglia, Kate Hudson or Sienna Miller?

I don't think you understand the concept of "secret shame."

1. Avril Lavigne (professionally and sexually). I absolutely love her first CD, and think her pop-pseduopunk-skater look is so adorable. And something about her lips...

2. Jack Black (professionally and personally). I'd really like to hang out with him, especially after The Holiday, where he was funny and sweet, not irritating.

3. Adam Pascal (in all ways). I was at one of the man's concerts last winter, and he's so talented and gorgeous and nice and yes, I love RENT so sue me.

I'm sure that there are more that I just can't bring to mind right now...

Zuzu - I love Victoria Beckham too! She's my idol whenever I'm trying to lose weight. Everytime I go to bed slightly hungry I think about how she lives that way all the time. It's quite admirable.

And please no lecturing about this. I am perfectly aware of how unhealthy and unrealistic this is.

1) Jason Schwartzman (sexually and professionally)-- he'd probably only come up to my shoulders (but we're always lying down in my dreams, so it's ok...) and probably because of my lust for him, i go and see him in everything he does

2) Gary Oldman (same)-- my friends make fun of me because they think him nothing more than a creepy old man, but they just don't know him like i do (rosencrantz, young dracula, rev. dimmesdale--hot!!!) i've seen almost everything he's created!

3) Paul McCartney (same)-- my first crush, which sustains me to present time....actually, i don't know how keen i would be to have sex with him now, as after heather, he seems kinda 'damaged goods' and his music is a little too shmaltzy for my taste, but he's a fucking beatle, and doing one of them would have to be almost like doing god!?! yeah? no? sure!

4)Jim Carrey (professionally)-- the favorite movie in our house is the second ace ventura movie, and for that jim carrey will always be "top drawer" with us!

i have weird taste, so i'm sure there are many, but that's all i can think of right now....

Sexually: Ashlee Simpson. I have always wanted to do nasty things with her even before the extensive plastic surgery work.

-Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton (sexually): They are the epitome of what I hate about celebrity culture and I would love to see both of them penniless and destitute but I would also love to throw both of them a hate f'.

1. Tom Sizemore- (professionally but not so much sexually anymore) I just really like him for some reason and I specifically didn't watch his reality show because I didn't want that to be completely ruined.

2. William Fichtner- (sexually) He's an awesome actor but I like him cause he's crazy hot.

3. Britney Murphy (in all ways) You know, there's a theme here. I guess I kind of like actors who look a little strung out.

Jean Claude Van Damme. I have seen and love all his movies and also, I just really want to climb him.

1. Johnny Knoxville (sexually and professionally) - I cannot justify the amount of amusement I find in Jackass, or how hott I think his smarmy ass is in his pretentious sunglasses, but every time I see him I want to very bad things.

2. Aerosmith (professionally, except for young pics where they were hot as well) - I don't feel I have to justify their early work, because "Dream On" rocks, but I can't help it - even the SHITTASTIC theme from Armageddon, which I pretend to hate because it was our Prom song, makes me want to sing along. And then I die a little inside.

3. Jim Carrey (everything) - I love his movies, even the awful ones, and I still want to make out with him after all these years. I even like Fun with Dick and Jane. and The Mask. Even Eternal Sunshine can't really redeem those....

i have no shame:

kim kardasian--she is beyond hot.
victoria beckham--i just love, love, love her.
britney spears--ditto. still.

steve buscemi--i don't see any reason for shame, he is all kinds of hot.
pete doherty--no explanation, but i think he's hot. yes, i know.

Madonna - I hate her music, her pretension, her fake English accent. I hate talking about her, knowing about her, hearing about her. But hot damn what a magnificent body!

Drew Barrymore - she's cute, sometimes funny even with her weird mouth, and a smokin' body. As an actress, though. meh.

I can't even believe I'm writing this, Kim Possible - Hey, I've heard of weirder things.

Linda Evangelista - a vain, arrogant shrew of a woman. Still ...

And Susan Sarandon. She's bug-eyed and aging fast, but she's got that, "there are things yet to learn" quality about her.

Me too on Pacino, David Thewlis, and Philip Seymour Hoffman and Gary Oldman. I have no consistent taste in men.

Oh and Alan Rickman. Yep. Loves me some nose.

This is for both professionally and personally categories.

Me too on Pacino, David Thewlis, and Philip Seymour Hoffman and Gary Oldman. I have no consistent taste in men.

Oh and Alan Rickman. Yep. Loves me some nose.

This is for both professionally and personally categories.

OK, Kevin Spacey makes me feel all moist. I know he's gay and I'm a woman but hey my husband's straight and he doesn't care if I call him Kevin when were heatin up the sheets so give me my little fantasy. Honestly though I have no clue as to why I like Kevin (especially after pay it forward, I despise Helen Hunt and I don't know why either)So, the heart (and other physical attributes) wants what it wants and me wants me some Spacey! Maybe I'm just compensating for my lost love the duchebag John Cusack.

oh my gosh Melody! Nora Roberts is on my list too!!
Yes, her books are formulaic romance novels - but the heroines are so spunky!

Sexual:

-Tila Tequila
-Kim Kardashian
-Mary-Kate Olsen

I like the whore type. Might as well fantasize about someone who knows what they're doing. Actually not sure if the Olsen counts in that description, but I find her hot. Seriously.

gimme any 40 year old slighty over weight white woman, i'd put my Mandingo shit down on her ass.

Tim Curry in RHPS - I don't know. I just don't know... maybe it's the men in makeup fetish I have and/or the bisexual thing he had going on, but I just don't know... I am strangely drawn in but would NEVER admit it out loud.

Oh, I have no shame for this. While I adore his acting, Tim in general doesn't do much for me, but as Frank? SO hot.

It's the late 80's...highschool...all my girlfriends are in love with Charlie Sheen, Don Johnson, Kirk Cameron...I am a teenage freak lusting on:

1) Bruce Willis -- Moonlighting, peoples. Yes, David--sing "Limbo Rock" AGAIN. And before Demi and the hairless manorexia.

2) Dennis Quaid -- Innerspace/The Big Easy. The beginning of the cocaine/Meg Ryan years.

3) Kevin Costner -- No Way Out. Good God. I wanted to rent a limo and pick up a sailor.

Beckyloo, I totally think Michael Cera would be the best boyfriend ever, which leads me to my number one...
1. I also had a dream recently, last night actually,in which I got frisky with..oh god...Jeremy Brett as Sherlock Holmes from the 80s British Granada TV Series. I know, right? I'm 26, Brett was well into his fifties then and, well, an unusual looking man, and Sherlock Holmes is not what you'd call a sexy character. And yet, I LIKED IT. A lot.

2. I totally have a soft spot for Chloe Sevigny. I think she seems down to earth and nice. And funny. And I like her clothing line for Opening Ceremony. And I LOVE Big Love. And I saw this clip of her talking about how she likes high waisted things because it keeps her pouchy tummy in line. How many actresses would ever admit to anything that real, especially on camera? So hate me, all my friends do, and bombard me with terms like 'hag' and 'scenester' and 'smoking kills' if the subject of Sevigny comes up. Screw them, I love you Chloe! Call me! Let's go out for drinks and cigarettes and gossip about ex boyfriends.

3. He hasn't showered in a while, he has a serious drug problem, he steals things to buy drugs, I'm sure he vomits a lot, and gets heroin diarrhea and smells bad, and leaves drunken messages on your machine that start off all cute-drunky reciting poetry and what not, and then end 'Fuck you for not picking up, you're a whore zzzz' and I'm so not into the bad boy rocker thing (puke) and yet, there's something about Pete Doherty. The vulnerability of the sensitive and the gifted, possibly.

Oooh...I forgot Helen Mirren. You can guess whether or not it's professionally or sexually I'd be embarrassed about.

I've seen every Jennifer Aniston and Jennifer Lopez movie (and I never watched Friends). I own "Picture Perfect" and "Enough" - not ironically - but because I love those movies. I think I'm most attracted to their hair.

I think AC Slater is a hot piece of ass and would bang him 'til Tuesday. It may be that he looks like my SO (yes, I'm bragging).

I'm gross. I think there may be something seriously wrong with me.

Peter Stormare, Clancy Brown, Jeff Goldblum. Something about the height, the voices, and the way you know they'll never borrow your eyeliner.

David
So with you on Ursula
Completely forgot about her 'til you mentioned her.
I feel dirty now.

And I should've mentioned Tom Hanks. That guy is really good, IMO. And I really really liked Forrest Gump (sue me)

EW.

Someone dared to list Zachary Quinto (Sylar from Heroes) as a shameful sexual fantasy. It's shameful to NOT want to have sex with Zachary Quinto, OK?

TAKE HIM OFF YOUR LIST, YOU BAD BAD PERSON!

Amanda Bynes (professionally): She takes some shithouse roles, but goddamn, I love the girl to death. I sat through Lovewrecked, this made-for-Disney TV disaster, just to watch her.

Julianne Moore (professionally): I know she's on the Pajiba blacklist, but I think she's a great actress.

Brandon Davis (sexually): Uh huh. I just owned all of your secret shames. Ship me off to the leper colony if you'd like.

1. Jeremy Irons . . . and I don't know why.

2. Jonny Lee Miller.

3. Dane Cook. He's such an assbag but I would still do it.

5. John C. McGinley, a.k.a, Dr. Cox on Scrubs but only if he was in character. That narcissim just does it for me.

6. Trent Reznor (NIN), had this crush since I was 14 and it will NEVER go away.

7. Cillian Murphy . . . shirtless in the rain with zombies all around!!

I'm right there with all the Jeff Goldblum lovers. Juliette Lewis is crazier than a $2 bill, but I think she's what fabulous was intended to convey (up yours, Miss Jay).

I also think that Thomas Jane is a sexy beast. Patricia Arquette is a lucky, lucky woman.

I'd still hit Heath Ledger's dirty hipster ass.

Lauren Graham has an eternal cool-girl-with-whom-I'd-love-to-split-a-pitcher pass in my book.

Oh, and for the Helena Bonham-Carter reference, anyone know if she's related to Crispin Bonham-Carter? There can't be THAT many theatrically-inclined Bonham-Carters running around the UK, can there? This may be a painfully obvious answer.

And one more...

Crispin Glover 'cause he is such a fine example of how to just be super freaking amazing hawt.

Well, since I've been told that my Bruce Campbell love is not shameful (and really, I should have realized that, since I've been lurking at this site for some time now) I will RETRACT my shame! From now on I will not be embarrassed to say I watched The Man With the Screaming Brain or Bubba Ho-Tep!

So instead, I will admit to a weird affection for William Shatner - not the early Star Trek days, but in all his bloated Priceline.com glory. Plus, he's Denny Crane.

*attractive

Gary Cole and David Caruso, sexually. That is shameful and gross. Also, Eric Roberts is kind of hot.

Gary Cole from this movie I saw on the Lifetime Movie Network where he plays a coach that sleeps with a 15 year old girl. He looked good!

David Caruso from NYPD Blue. Loved him then, still find him weirdly attractive now.

Eric Roberts from everything. Sleazy as hell.

THESE PICKS are shameful. Shameful because not only are they really not attractive, but they're slimy as well.

See? This is a comment diversion I can get behind. It brings people together in unexpected unity, instead of driving them apart in false elitism.

I will modify my sexual list. Instead of Miller, I submit pretty much every female on Dancing with the Stars, both celebs and dance partners. And Carrie Ann Imaba(?).

By the way,

Someone dared to list Zachary Quinto (Sylar from Heroes) as a shameful sexual fantasy. It's shameful to NOT want to have sex with Zachary Quinto, OK?

David wins at life for this and everything else he said.

My shame in being attracted to Orlando Bloom is that it's purely appreciating his prettiness. I don't care that he has the acting ability of a coat rack. He's nice to look at! All that matters! And I pride myself on usually liking actors with some talent!

Thus, I hang my head.

Let's talk about Philip Seymour Hoffman, the flipside. He looks like he's perpetually sunburned and is so very lumpy but, man alive, I'd watch him read the phone book. He's so *compelling*.

Sexually:
1. Adrian Brody. "there's something smart-assey yet oddly lovely about his face and demeanor"...you nailed it Smash.
2. Sam Elliot. The man could be my grandfather but I am in love with that gruff, gravelly (that's not a word is it?) voice of his. Even at his age he is one tall drink of water.

Umm, yeah, that's all I can think of that I feel a bit of shameful twinge over. I'm sure there are more I'm just not tapping into at the moment.

Professionally:
1. Julia Stiles
2. Ben Foster

Reznor is in no way a secret shame. The things he'd teach a person, wow. He is just awesome and I harbor no shame about my love for him. The same goes for Maynard from Tool/APC. So yummy and intelligent and hot.

Dr. Cox/Jon C. McGinley is flat ass awesome and I refuse to believe otherwise.

i'm with whoever posted the same thing above...it's not guilty to love keri russell movies! she's a great actress, have you seen waitress?
dennis leary and cillian murphy...guilty pleasures? not in my book. i thought about putting down cillian murphy, but then realized i'm not ashamed of my love for him...he is a beautiful, beautiful man - and his eyes stare deeply into my soul - oh god, i've said too much.

ummmm..... how are people ASHAMED of finding Brad Pitt and George Clooney attractive? They are two of the hottest men ever.

I'm going with Michael Chiklis. I want to do many naughty, naughty things with that bald, stocky man. MMMMMMM. Vic Mackey.

Ok, you want a secret shame, here's one.
Doug Bradley.
Sexually and professionally.
With or without the makeup, don't matter to me. I special ordered a student film version of Salome just to see his earliest work.
Thanks.

The collective known as TomKat and child. Do I like them professionally? Is what they do considered a profession? I just think Katie Holmes is really beautiful and a total mystery - she seems very blank. And that little man of hers is just so peculiar, all big teeth and shoe lifts. Plus their kid is the cutest little thing I've ever seen. It just adds up to one very odd, and fascinating, family unit. But would I watch any of their movies? Haven't seen a Tom Cruise movie since Cocktail!

Sexually: Ioan Gruffudd-shitty actor, total douchebag to his fans, but oh so hot. Also Alan Rickman and Jack Nicholson. Both old enough to be my grandfather. Strike that; great-grandfather.

Professionally: Jim Carrey. Fuck I even liked Fun with Dick and Jane.

1) Naomi Watts(Professionally) Though I hated The Ring, even she couldn't save it.

2) Paul Rudd(Sexually and Professionally) I'm deeply enticed with his boyish charm and humor.

3) The Cast of Six Feet Under(Professionally) I'll watch anything that anyone from that show was/is in I'm so devoted.

4) Ellen Page(Professionally) Page is without a doubt one of the freshest faces to Hollywood. She's funny and a really great actress.

I will admit here that I do not hate Robin Williams

or Tom Hanks

And I still like Bruce Willis

*Sigh...* OK, here it goes. I'm actually going to admit this. Mine are pretty bad. (All of these are sexual.)

My secret shames are:

1. Arnold Vosloo. Yes, that's right, the guy who played "The Mummy." He's South African and he's hot. Can't act his way out of a wet paper bag, but I'd let him sweet-talk me into bed with that sexy Afrikaans accent, bald head, and ex-rugby-player body any day.

2. James Marsters. More because it's so hard to admit that years after getting over "Buffy," I still have sexual fantasies about him.

3. Robert Evans. I know. I know. That's why I'm ashamed of it.

4. (Tie) I would also probably fool around with Sophia Loren and Eartha Kitt, even though they're like 400 years old. They're still gorgeous and Eartha has that sensual purrrrr of a voice. Gives me the chills, I tell you.

5. I have been known to develop intense and fleeting attractions to certain male anime characters. The shame of this fact (especially since I am NOT an anime fan), however, quickly forces me to go to great lengths to avoid Adult Swim after 11:30 PM lest I have a relapse.

6. Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter in "Silence of the Lambs." I KNOW he's the epitome of evil, but something about that suave, cultured, frighteningly intelligent evil is just kinda... hot. You know, except for the whole eating and disemboweling people thing.

7. Is it just me, or is Sam Neill kinda sexy in an older Australian man sort of way?

That said, I would let Gabriel Byrne, Jeremy Irons, Sean Connery, Gary Oldman, Alan Rickman, Kevin Spacey, and Gordon Ramsay do anything they wanted to me and not feel the least bit ashamed, so that is why I can't in good conscience call them "secret shames." I have no problem admitting my lust for them to the world. Hmmm... I'm noticing a pattern... I think I'm just into "manly men" with sexy accents.

onehotmess, I would also do Johnny Knoxville, but I would probably have to make him wear a full-body condom. God knows where that's been.

Rebecca H. I have to second the Jeremy Brett love. I have had all sorts of dirty, Sherlock Holmes-induced fantasies about him. But since he died, I feel kinda weird about it and therefore try and avoid said dirty thoughts...

Wow, I need to go take a shower. I feel seriously dirty. Dirty and confused.

Guilty about loving Gary Cole? What the heck is wrong with you people? Gary Cole is a fricking brilliant actor and, yes, hot as hell. (God, try watching "American Gothic" and not wanting to so the horizontal bop with him. Who *cares* if he's hell spawn.)

Shame, damn y'all are obviously confused about the definition.

Shame would involve admitting you wanted to give Dick Cheney a hand job.

Shame would involve having to watch everything C. Thomas Howell has ever been in.

Shame would involve wanting to do a dirty Sanchez with Minnie Pearl.

That, children, would be shame.

Now go to imDb and look up all the people whose names you didn't know...

Sorry, I don't think most of the above are particularly "shameful" - except for the person who liked Paris Hilton's album and the one who proclaimed an attraction to Brandon Davis. Yikes.

I still think Sizemore and C. Sheen are kinda hot, though I'd hesitate to touch either one of them, I have a feeling they're diseased in some way. I also think Bill Maher is kind of attractive. Maybe if I met him in person I'd find him repellent. That's the closest I can get to sexual shame.

Vis a vis the professional realm, I don't have a problem with Braff, Affleck, Cage, Cook or Beckinsale. I don't watch everything they're in, but I don't find any of them horrible, either. Still like Braff on Scrubs. Think Affleck is kinda charming, in talk shows and in movies. Cage is just goofy as hell, and that's cool by me. Cook - eh. He's kind of amusing, not hilarious. I don't hate him. As for Beckinsale, it must be the accent. And she's pretty to look at.

Ok, both professionally and very sexually I have a thing for Eddie Izzard and Ray Motherfucking-Winstone.

I even own the 80's tv series Robin Of Sherwood due to it's Winstoney goodness.

And as for Izzard, he's intelligent, funny, kinky (I like his cross-dressing, bisexual goodness) and I firmly believe he can act. He made me think Charlie Chaplin was sexy in The Cat's Meow.

Oh yeah, and Tim Curry. I know that's not particularly shameful, but the things I would do to him are.

OK...heres one for you. I like it when Clint Eastwood sings. (Paint Your Wagon, Honky Tonk Man...) Maybe its just because I can sing along equally well...but still.

1.Zach Braff. (professionally)I loved Garden State. Still do. I love the soundtracks to pretty much everything he does (even though they are a tad on the melodramatic side). Scrubs is great. He makes me laugh.

2. Brendan Sexton III who was the crazy kid in Welcome to the Dollhouse and Warren in Empire Records. I don't have a crush on him so much now, but I definately did back in the middle/high school days. No idea why.

3. Brody Jenner- I know he is an ass and exemplifies all that is wrong with our country today, blah blah blah, but he is gorgeous and always reminds me of the boys I dated in college who "players" and made me crazy, but were so endearing and funny I couldn't help but adore them.

4. Renee Zellweger- Yes she is skinny and squinty, but I almost always enjoy her acting and she dresses really beautifully. Did you see her shoot in Vogue last year? Gorgeous.

Kelly Clarkson. Adorable, talented, a little lowbrow, but still. Nice.

Rachael Ray. I think she's cute as a bug. I understand how she can rub some people the wrong way, but I likes her.

Xtina Aguilera. The pipes alone would seal the deal, but I also like her complete lack of appologgia.

Frances McDormand. Like you have to ask me why.

Most of my crushes are talent crushes, I guess. Christine Ebersole, Joan Allen, Caroline Dhavernas, no secret shames there...

You're not the only one Kayanne. I developed a maniacal crush on Gerard Depardieu as a teenager. I've seen every one of his films. And I mean every one, at least until circa 2001. And let me tell you, that's a lot of French cinema for a teenage Australian girl to watch.
I just didn't mentioned him because I have no shame there. I own my Depardieu madness proudly. There will always be a place in my heart and in my panties for Le Depardieu.

I'll see all of your shames and raise you:

1. O-Town (professionally/sexually): I watched every single episode of Making the Band. Beginning to end. I own both of their albums (yes, I said "albums," plural) and I still listen to them every once in a while. I watched the Ashley Parker Angel reality show/trailer park train wreck religiously. And I would do bad things to each and every one of them, including Jakob with his nasty dreads.

2. Mark McGrath (sexually): I know he's supposedly a womanizing douchebag who hangs out with Fred Durst and Kid Rock and generally acts like an ass, but I've been in love with him since I was in sixth grade, and I would still hit it. He has gorgeous blue eyes and I still find his voice to be damn sexy.

3. James Van Der Beek (professionally): I hated him during the "Dawson's Creek" days. HATED him. But he's made some pretty bold choices since leaving the show to try to get out of that teeny-bopper arena, and I respect him for that. And the acting he's done recently hasn't been half bad--he was actually extremely compelling in a couple episodes of "Criminal Minds" last year.

4. Bill Paxton (professionally/sexually): I just think he seems like a really cool guy. Not a great actor, doesn't always make great choices, but seems to have a good sense of humor and enjoys what he does. Additionally, I can think of no better way to waste a Saturday afternoon than watching him get his denim shirt all dirty while he chases after some tornadoes in a pickup truck. Mmm.

5. Carson Daly (professionally): Mostly, I just feel kind of bad for him. I think he's a nice guy who never intended to get caught up in fame but now he's in way over his head and can't seem to get out. He clearly loves music, which is really how he ended up involved in the whole TRL mess in the first place, but he is just not cut out for late night talk show hosting. I still root for his show to stay on, though, because the thought of Carson Daly without work is too sad for me to bear.

And this is too long as it is, but I personally am not ashamed to love Tom Cavanaugh. Dark hair, blue eyes, very funny...AND Canadian. What's not to love?

I love you Lindsay Lohan!! Please marry me!

and Eminem

When she's not on one of her diet trips, I really like Renee Zellweger. There's a picture of her on the first Bridget Jones DVD (Region 2, anyway) where she's sitting with the diary in her lap, looking up at the camera: maybe it's the boots she's wearing, but that pic totally does it for me.

Jeremy Piven. I know he's the subject of many blind - and not so blind - items about jackass behaviour and general sleazebaggery, and I have no trouble believing them all.
Which is why I am rather ashamed that I still find him hot...

Also, professionally - Eddie Murphy still makes me laugh. So does Robin Williams. What can I do? They caught me when they were still good, and I never got away!

Sexually:
Jack Black
Chris Farley
Seth Rogan
Dane Cook

Professionally:
Cher
Dolly Parton
David Spade (i dont care, he never ever fails to make me laugh)

LuluJ, it is possible that we are the same person. I totally want Eddie Izzard sexually (although sans makeup/femme-wear...I think he's smokin' hot as a regular guy with a little stubble, like on The Riches). I'm also way into Tim Curry (also sans makeup...I'm thinking Clue-era Curry), and Ray Winstone has been on my list since Sexy Beast.

Others:
Philip Seymour Hoffman (sexually): Oh sweet lord, the things I would do to this man. I think this started with Capote when he was forced to thin down and get rid of the scruff...there's some unbelievable bone structure under all that. Plus he's got a fantastically warm smile, even with the brown-ish teeth.

Kevin Heffernan (sexually): He's the funniest of the Broken Lizard boys and, in my eyes, the hottest. Although I'll admit, the full-frontal shot of him in Super Troopers was unkind.

Michael Cera (...sexually): I'm 30. He's 19. There is no excusing this. Clearly I need counseling.

Rebecca H.- Thanks! Now I want to be a Bonham-Carter. Since they don't seem to be too in touch with each other, perhaps they won't mind if I start a crazy-haired chapter on this side of the Atlantic?

Also, because someone admitted to fleeting crushes on anime characters: I'm not familiar enough with anime to have spent much face time with the characters, BUT, as a wee 10-year-old, I thought Disney's Aladdin was the cat's meow; a little later on, I developed a pretty legitimate crush on Trent from Daria. He was a burnout, but he was a sometimes unintentionally sensitive, perceptive burnout. And he was, um, animated.

I am doing this before I read them all:
1. Gwynneth Paltrow-(professionally) I know that she is kind of a douche now, but I still love her.
2. Tom Coliccio (Top Chef...sexually). There is something about him that I find hot. My sister thinks I am crazy.
3. Hugh Grant (professionally and sexually) I have no idea why. I like his schtick.(that was a DOUBLE ENTENDRE...btw.)
4. Drew Barrymore (Professionally) What can I say, I like her. I see all her movies and I think she is someone that I would hang out with.
I can't think of anyone else...

Jen- So I love the Broken Lizard troop movies, but I don't really know any of the actors by name, and when I imdb'd (god I hate myself for verbing that. and that) Kevin Heffernan, the first image displayed not only actual Kevin, but Farva as well. [he shall be identified as none other than Farva]. I really thought you had a thing for Farva, and THAT would be shameful.

But Kevin Heffernan? Completely adorable; I'm with on that one.

1. Tom Cruise.
Shut up, just shut up.

2. Also, it's apparently not okay to like Keira Knightley. Since when? Oh well, I guess she goes on here as well. Never seen her being an ass, though, apparently the only bad thing about her is that she is very skinny?

Whatever. Tom fucking Cruise. After Collateral, especially. Vincent was hot.

3. James Van Der Beek, or however you spell his god damn name. Never watched the Creek, but I saw him in a really cheesy movie about a giant octopus a while back and was impressed with his performance. He acted like it was serious business. Who puts their all into a B movie about giant octopi?

Really, though, the only shame I feel comes from Cruise. The others are a bit odd, maybe, but certainly not shameful.

Who feels shame about liking Jeremy Irons and Cillian Murphy? A pox on you!

Forgot to say, Posh Spice. She just looks like she'd stomp your ass, and that's hot. She doesn't give a shit about the crap people say about her. She's cool.

1) Michael Cera. Yeah, sexually. Am I the only one who's unreasonably attracted to him? I cannot explain it AT ALL - I mean, objectively, he looks like he's been constructed out of pipe cleaners. Also he is inappropriately young. And yet. I would totally take him home, feed him milk and cookies, and do unspeakably filthy things with him.

(Having looked over the thread, it looks like there are a few of us. Can we all work out a time-share or something? )

2) Walton Goggins - especially in character as Shane on The Shield. I guess professionally it's not really shameful, and maybe sexually only shameful according to my roommate, because he is so over-the-top southern and out of control and a little sleazy and gross, but - day-umn.

3) Nic Cage and John Travolta - reeeeeeeeally not so much anymore at all, but when Face/Off came out? Man, I don't think that tape came out of the VCR for months. But I guess it doesn't really count, because you could not pay me enough to sit through anything either has been in recently.

Um, I used to have to defend my (professional) adoration of Emile Hirsch, but now he's all awesome in Into the Wild so suck it, haters! I win!

And I'm having trouble thinking of any others. I guess I just have near-flawless taste. (Or I surround myself with yes-men. Ah, that's gotta be it.)

ps blemmy: OMG yes Van Der Beek was amazing on Criminal Minds. Also nearly unrecognizable - I was so used to his Dawson antics, it took several visits to imdb to convince me it wasnt' just someone with the exact same voice and face.

i am really late on this, but i felt compelled to second becca's crush on trent from daria. hottest animated character ever. i feel no shame about these other ones, but i feel i should mention i'm in the under 20 crowd...

willem dafoe: there's something about him i find really sexy. and to my knowledge no other 19 year will second that opinion.
alan rickman: oh god i just love his voice.
daniel day lewis: he's beautiful and he can really act
billy bob thornton: i like older, dirty men. whatever.

as for a completely normal crush, i've loved michael cera since his AD days. just so cute and really funny. and, from what i've gathered from other comments, approximately my age.

i also legitimately love hillary duff's songs. girl can't sing but damn if i don't know every song.

Another vote for Michael Cera. Also....Daniel Radcliffe and Zac Efron. I'm 24 and I clearly have a problem.
I also have a mad girl-crush on SMG and Eliza Dushku, preferably together. But I'm really not too ashamed of that.

anthony lapaglia, but only on without a trace. his older movies, when he was younger and skinnier? i don't find him attractive. i'm obsessed with his mouth. he seemingly has no lips and i just find him so.......... i am in lust.

i have to agree with michael chiklis, but i think my sexual motivation is more his fucking evil badass vic

i own the time machine purely for guy pearce. nothing else he has ever been in, just that. the costumes and the bone structure. he reminds me of my high school crush.

for christmas the past couple of years i've begged and begged and begged. all i wanted was a few seasons, for masturbation purposes, nothing else, i swear, just please please please (and thank you) buy me beastmaster. daniel goddard is so fucking amazing looking. i really, oh man, he is so fucking gorgeous. his face and his eyes and i just want him to do all sorts of dirty nasty things to me

I am not really ashamed of these crushes, but I realize they're unconventional. In no particular order:
DEE DEE RAMONE - it just is, and he rocked
EDDIE IZZARD - I love a hot, funny man who looks good in drag!
JOEL MCHALE (the Soup) - reminds me of my first serious boyfriend
CHRIS PONTIUS - "Party Boy" is supposed to make people uncomfortable, but I just get hot & bothered. Yeah, let's bounce around to techno in our skivvies!
MIKE MYERS - out of character or as "Dieter" on SNL (again, close to drag)
MOBY - used to have a big thing for him, before he sold out & went rapidly downhill

At least no one is mentioning something as shameful as politicians or serial killers. But I'll admit that I sometimes call Vladimir Putin "Puddin'" (though no crush there - uh uh!).

Lindsey Lohan. She's totally trampy, has done mountains of drugs, can't act, sing or do any other discernible thing as far as I can tell, and if I ever met her in real life, I'd probably be too scared for my junk to go near her, let alone talk her. But her adorable, freckled-face smile makes me weak. I can't help it.

Kim Kardashian. That woman's curves make my head spin. Every time I see her it's like I turn into Jim Carrey from The Mask, I turn into a cartoon wolf and my eyes pop out of my head.

Heidi Fleiss. What can I say, she's hot. Or she was hot, while her trial was going on, not sure about now.

Scarlett Johansson. Never really was must of a fan of her until her picture was on the Pajiba (s)Hit List, but the picture of her with black hair biting her lip, uhhhh uhhhh uhhhh. teh hotness!11!!1one. It made a believer out of me.

Professionally

Jack Black. I will watch anything with this man, no matter how awful the reviews are, and I will likely love it. He might as well come to my house and take the rest of my money, I've given so much to him already.

Avril Lavigne. I love me some Avril Lavigne. While I haven't yet broke down and purchased one of her albums, I stop and listen whenever one of her songs comes on the radio. And, heaven help me, I even sing along. And I have downloaded her tunes as well.

Kenny G. I own his greatest hits album. Nuff said.

Micheal Bay. Yes I frequent this site and yes I know his stuff is awful. I don't care. I don't want anyone else to direct Transformers 2. And much of his other stuff is good for cheap thrills.

Batista. From WWE. I don't follow wrestling, but I'll watch it when it's on, and damn if I don't find his act entertaining.

There, I believe I've lost enough credibility for one day.

I have harbored this fantasy since I first saw James Mcavoy in White Teeth that I would marry him and have his children. (LOL!) He was socially ackward and inept and I wanted to hug him for such a wonderful portrayal of a naive and malleable teenager. I'm very happy that he's finally getting recognition. -- I found out he got married a few months back and I mourned my long standing crush.
-------------------------------------------------And as for girlie love.. I would, pardon my crassness, muff dive for Natalie Portman.

mfg - YES! I LOVE Joel McHale! I would make mad, passionate love to him and then want a spoof of the event with explosions and chihuahuas. Is that shameful?

Also, I haven't seen anyone else mention him, but Shia LaBeouf. Ahhhh. I've had a little crush on him since his pre-pubescent days on "Even Stevens" and think he has really grown into his own. I've seen all of his movies (even the made-for-TV ones). Yes, he got arrested in a Walgreens and that's laaaame. But I will still see "Indiana Jones" for the sole purpose of seeing him sweaty and shirtless.

And I know he's not conventionally attractive, but Ed Norton. Mmmmm. Smart, talented, witty, and amazingly under the radar.

And Topher Grace. I have a thing for slightly nerdy people with expressive faces. Plus his scene in "P.S."...oh my God, no man I meet will ever meet the expectations he set in that movie.

Whew. I need a cold shower.

There is no shame in Liam Gallagher and Helen Mirren!

Me, I get slightly embarrassed when I mention my crushes on
James Spader (mostly as Alan Shore)
Allison Janney
Hugh Laurie
Adrien Brody

And is it not cool to like Gillian Anderson anymore? They can all act though.

Someone above mentioned Billy Crystal, and upon first reading that confession, I thought, "Well hmmm... meh."

However, this morning I watched the last half hour of When Harry Met Sally (it was on TNT, I didn't want to get off the couch or search for football games that I knew wouldn't be on in my neck of the woods. And it's cute.); this afternon I managed to catch a clip of another Crystal movie, one that included a train bound for Mexico (no idea about the actual movie) and damn, if I suddenly hadn't grown a new pair of eyes for him. So um, I may be adding Billy Crystal to my list. And this time, I'm legitimately embarrassed.

I second the love for Clinton Kelly, too. I know he's not interested in people with my set of chromosomes, but he is smokin in those immaculately tailored pants and argyle sweater-schoolboy blazer combos. Rawr. Luckily for me, my boyfriend love's Clinton's style and looks pretty good in layered argyle himself : ).

Lastly- Ryan Gosling in NOT a shame. Not sexually and certainly not professionally.

There's one more person that belongs on my list of people I'm ashamed for finding attractive, and debated long and hard about adding this one, especially on this site, but it ultimately, it feels dishonest not to include her, so here goes:

Ann Coulter. I know, I know, she is absoluely reviled and I'm not making any new friends by saying it, but I find her very pretty. Whenever she's on Fox News, I have to stop and watch, even if it's with the sound off. There is an elegance about the way she looks, and I love seeing her.

If she wasn't a political commentator, if she was something else, say a host on the Food Network, you'd all probably agree with me. And there would finally be someone on that network besides Giada De Laurentiis worth watching. As she is now, however, most can't stomach the sight of her. And the mere mention of her name brings out scorn. So this may be the only place I can ever say this.

This is not a super crush; she not someone I fantasize about being with someday or anything, and she's really low on my overall list of celebrities I find attractive, but I still think she's pretty easy on the eyes, if not so much on the ears, and I harbor a secret crush on her. Please be merciful to me.

Michael Palin is my favourite Python. :)
Well, after Graham. But sadly he died, so Michael is my favourite living Python.

See what I missed being out of Internet contact? But so easy peasey:
1. Patrick Swayze - seriously, gorgeous body in his youth and moved like a god but dumb as a box of hair.
2. James Van der Beek - yup, cannot act but what a body; would only bang him if he promised not to talk.
3. Eric Roberts - still a night I cannot (and do not want to) forget.
4. Christopher Meloni - only shameful because I would even bang him as Chris Keller, his psychopathic character in "Oz".
5. Kim Kardashian - beyond stupid but what a butt (notice a theme?) (yeah, I am and have always been a man who appreciates a beautiful cushion for the pushin'; baby, that's like riding on Michelin!)

I got through about 1/2 of ya'll's entries before I had to quit reading them, my list got excessively long. Also, I was sitting at my desk eliciting sounds like "Mmm, Mmm" and "Oh yeah, that's nice". All of mine are sexual and professional, I don't know how to separate the two.

Benicio De Toro, Johnny Knoxville - I love how dirty they are, and I would NOT want them to shower first.
Adrian Brody is so fucking hot, I just can't explain it - also Eric Stoltz. I love the gingers.
Hot chics - there are SO MANY, but two that come to mind that could be a little embarrassing are Laura Prepon (despite the fact that she's a scientologist) and Gillian Anderson (she may be crazy and/or an alcoholic, we'd be so good together). Also Helena Bonham Carter, I've had a hard-on for her for as long as I can remember.
I would love to be the meat in a Bob Odenkirk/David Cross sandwich.
John Malkovich and Ed Harris are my 'old dude' faves, and I don't know where Simon Pegg and Vin Diesel fit in, but they can get in on the action too. There's plenty of me to go around!

I have no shame in liking any of the following people, but since they're a little "unconventional" or in one case, a train-wreck, here they are:

All sexually:

Alan Cumming - sexy, in a cute-kind of way

James and Oliver Phelps (the Weasley twins from "Harry Potter"...some would say a little young, but who cares?!!)

Joel McHale (The Soup) - this guy makes my entire week's worth of shit completely worth suffering through

Chef Gordon Ramsey - He's a bit of a bastard, but I bet he's crazy in the sack.

Britney Spears - Yup, I said it. She's hot. Not in her "white trash" phase, but I think she was smokin' at the VMAs no matter what everyone else was saying.

Cillian Murphy - Now I know it's not a shame to lust after him, but I'm talking about the Cillian Murphy in "28 Days Later", after he's fought the infected humans and the military men, when he comes to save Serena, right after he pushes that guy's eyes into his skull...he's all bloody and sexy and I totally want to do him right then and there, next to the recently deceased.

I have a couple that are actually shameful. It pains me to admit them even on the anonymity of the internet. Even more so because my music taste generally lies in the realm of punk and ska.

Celine Dion - Yeah, she is totally cheesy. But I've been singing along to her songs since I was like 11, and damn is it fun to belt out "Its All Coming Back."
Mariah Carey - Pretty much for the same reason as above. Also, she has an amazing range.

Okay, not to judge but you people are weird!

How are Gerald Depardieu in Cyrano, David Bowie in labyrinth, James Macavoy in anything (post puberty) and Hugh Laurie in House Shameful Crushes? Yumidy yum yum.

As for Alan Rickman, the man is God. Obviously. Voice like sulky honey. Bliss.

David Caruso in CSI, Celine Dion and Mariah Carey are admittedly troubling but luckily i have too much taste to empathise.