Vince_Vaughn_002.jpg
Remaking Your Favorite Classic Movie

An Evening Comment Diversion / Dustin Rowles

Comment Diversions | July 21, 2009 | Comments (71)

With today being something of a classic movie day (with our Beginner’s Guide to Classics and Drew’s John Huston retrospective), I thought it would be fitting to devote tonight’s comment diversion to the same. I was just thinking how remarkable it is that Hollywood has decided to pillage every toy, board game, movie, and cartoon from the 80s in an effort to fill its slate over the next few years, but how fortunate we’ve been that studios — for the most part — haven’t desecrated too many of the classics. Yet. Of course, all it takes is one to succeed with mainstream audiences before studio suits start ransacking Billy Wilder and Orson Welles’ catalogue. And while we may furiously mock Gus Van Sant’s remake of Psycho, the fact that it was such a disaster has probably contributed to Hollywood’s mostly hands-off approach to movies made before 1975.

But, for the sake of tonight’s comment diversion, let’s do a little fantasy casting. Whether you want it to be remade or not, identify your favorite classic movie and update it with your dream cast.

Take, for example, mine: His Girl Friday (which would undoubtedly take place in the fast-paced world of bloggers) starring Vince Vaughn (at his best), Elizabeth Banks in the Rosalind Russell role, and Ryan Reynolds in the Ralph Bellamy role (he’s kind of perfect for it, to be honest). Director: Jason Reitman.

I know. It feels blasphemous. But indulge me.


← Television Ratings July 21, 2009 | Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold →





Comments

I like all those people...but seriously? That sounds awful. George Clooney is the closest thing out there to a Cary Grant equivalent and even that would fall far, far short of the charisma needed for that role.

Posted by: Lucie at July 21, 2009 9:19 PM

Movie: Network
Director: P.T. Anderson
Cast: Max-George Clooney
Diana-Christina Hendricks
Howard-Philip Seymour Hoffman

Howard is really tough to cast...

Posted by: Drew Morton at July 21, 2009 9:20 PM

Nope. Not gonna do this. Fuckers have eyes EVERYWHERE and the second I suggested something we'd get a Gone With the Wind remake and I'd have to kill a bitch.

Posted by: figgy at July 21, 2009 9:27 PM

It's not the same Dustin, everything matters in the movie, and if the remake does anything wrong, it won't feel the same. Hell, even if they do everything right, the movie will feel pointless when you already have a perfect version at hand already.

The only thing that really works is a re-imagination, then it doesn't matter if the film is in a different spirit, as long as it's good.

But I'll play along anyway, just to avoid killing the mood. The cast for the remake of Citizen Kane:

Nathan Fillion - Charles Foster Kane
Kate Winslet - Susan Alexander Kane
Vince Vaughn - Jedediah Leland
Brad Pitt - Jerry Thompson
Elija Wood - Walter Parks Thatcher
Javier Bardem - Signor Matiste

It's sort of like preparing for nuclear apocalypse, you don't want it to happen, but you still want it to be the best it could be.

Posted by: George at July 21, 2009 9:27 PM

Seven Samurai. Mostly filled with my favorite actors. So Tilda Swinton is the lead. Chitewel Elijofour is the badass. Peter Dinklage is in there. Vin Diesel is the fool. Clive Owen is Tilda's second in command. Orlando Jones makes six and Rosario Dawson as seven. No young samurai, unfortunately. Maybe swap Vin for Rosario and make Julia Ling from Chuck number seven.

Still haven't decided on setting.

Maybe swap Rosario out for Vin, Julia Ling as the young samurai and bring in Rosario and pull in Our Mister Reynolds in as either bad guys or the peasants looking for help.

The nice thing about Seven Samurai is the latitude to stack that cast.

Posted by: twig at July 21, 2009 9:30 PM

Actually, I can see Brad Pitt and his Pittstache putting on a few pounds as Citizen Kane. If you can age backward, you can age forward. Maybe retitle it Citizen Murdoch.

Otherwise, that's really the only casting you need for that movie.

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 21, 2009 9:32 PM

Well, they're remaking 8 1/2 already as the musical Nine, so I'll have to come up with Plan B.

Wait Until Dark:
Directed by: David Fincher
Susy Hendrix: Amy Adams
Roat: Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Mike Talman: Patrick Wilson
Gloria: Abigail Breslin

I would very much like, if they were to remake Wait Until Dark, that they get it right. I think overall, this cast is pretty decent. And judging by the simplicity Fincher used in Panic Room, he could convey claustrophobic horror very well.

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at July 21, 2009 9:39 PM

Ralph Bellamy played a twerpy mama's boy in that movie. Ryan Reynolds has never played anything by fast talking smart alecks. For that matter, Vince Vaughn, an actor I admittedly don't like, at his best is usually playing smug dickbags. And you want him to recreate the effortless suave of Cary Grant? What say you sit out the next few plays, Champ? Maybe not say anything for awhile.

Enter the Dragon:

Stephen Chow
Chitewel Elijofour
Jason Statham
And Chow Yung Fat as Mr. Hand

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 21, 2009 9:41 PM

The Searchers (1956)
Director: David Fincher or David Cronenberg
Viggo Mortensen for John Wayne as Ethan Edwards
Josh Hartnett for Jeffrey Hunter as Martin Pawley
Emily Browning for Natalie Wood as Debbie Edwards

I actually kind of want to see this movie now.

Posted by: Deistbrawler at July 21, 2009 9:43 PM

You overlooked the remake of George Cukor's The Women. That in and of itself should be enough to put Hollywood off remaking classics for a good couple of years.

That said, I think it could be interesting to do The Philadelphia Story with the cast of the new Sherlock Holmes. Rachel McAdams as Tracy Lord. Jude Law as Macauly Connor. Robert Downey Jr. as C.K. Dexter Haven. I think it would work out decently. Not great, but okay.

Posted by: ami at July 21, 2009 9:49 PM

There is nobody alive today who could pull off the charm needed for a Cary Grant role. Nobody. So don't even go there.

Don't get me wrong, I think there's some fine actors today. But they just don't have charm. Robert Redford was the last one to have it, and I think he used it all up at least 20 years ago.

You know what classic movie could be remade, and remade well, though? Cool Hand Luke. Can't think who I'd cast in it, off the top of my head, but I'd pay another $10 to see a good remake version of it, with the right people.

Posted by: Wednesday at July 21, 2009 9:53 PM

His Girl Friday is my favorite! Too bad it would be remade with Vince Vaughn (at his worst) and Rainbow Killer.

Posted by: blackbird11 at July 21, 2009 9:54 PM

I, like I'm sure everyone else who visits this site on a regular basis, have a general distaste for remakes. In fact, I feel they bespell the doom of cinema.
Though this diversion appeals to me, as I'm extremely guilty of fantasy casting.
So that being said, how about Jaws, starring Josh Brolin as Chief Brody, Sam Rockwell as Hooper, and Liam Neeson or Peter Stormare as Quint.

Posted by: Gaius at July 21, 2009 10:00 PM

Funny, because Rope got mentioned in the beginner's classics post earlier, but that's the movie I've wanted to have "re-done" for a while now, if only because digital technology would make it possible to shoot it in an actual, hour and a half long single take.

I have no idea who would play Rupert, though. Maybe Ian McKellen. He's awesome.

Posted by: ziggy at July 21, 2009 10:03 PM

Seven Year Itch

The Girl: Kristen Bell
Richard Sherman: John C. Reilly

Directed by: the zombie Billy Wilder

Posted by: ZoBla at July 21, 2009 10:10 PM

The Apartment! Starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel! Costarring Ryan Reynolds (in the Fred MacMurray role)!
*insert sounds of Pajiba readers simultaneously orgasming and having an aneurysm*

Posted by: Jim Doggie at July 21, 2009 10:23 PM

It Happened One Night (1934)

Peter Warne: Mark Ruffalo (no Clark Gable, but he could pull off the sleazy charm)
Ellie Andrews: Amy Adams (because I love her and she can do sassy and vulnerable)
Director: Rob Reiner at his When Harry Met Sally best.

Posted by: kelsy at July 21, 2009 10:26 PM

There's absolutely no replacing Strother Martin in "Cool Hand Luke." He'd just have to be digitially inserted. (Man, that sounds dirrrty.)

And tough to cast for Cary Grant? Hell, Wednesday can't think of a new Paul Newman because there isn't one. Nobody with that combination of beauty and don't-give-a-shit ...

Wait ... Ryan Reynolds as a natural-born world-beater? Or do I have a failure to communicate?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 21, 2009 10:29 PM

And directed by Judd Apatow!
*insert sounds of remaining Pajiba-ites orgasming/having an aneurysm*

Posted by: Jim Doggie at July 21, 2009 10:29 PM

I seem to remember posting something similar to this with The Wizard of Oz and Lindsay Lohan playing Dorothy and Matthew Lillard playing the Scarecrow. I'd like to add John C. Reilly as the Cowardly Lion, Rip Torn as the Wizard, Hillary Duff as Glinda, Rainbow Killer as the Wicked Witch of the West, Adrian Brody as the Tin Man, Paris Hilton as the Flying Monkeys, Deep Roy as all of the Munchkins and Air Bud as Toto.

*Disclaimer: I don't really want to see this happen. I'm just being an asshole.*

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits (aka Dangle McGee) at July 21, 2009 10:43 PM

great idea, dangle. i, too, wanna re-do the wizard of oz.
but make it more blaxplotationy. hmmm, how about diana ross as dorothy, nipsey russel as the tin man, michael jackson as the scarecrow, lena horne as glinda and richard pryor as the wizard!
i have the best ideas!

what's that you say? it's been done? 30 years ago?

well, did i mention that since most of the cast id dead or dying, it would be in ZOMBIE-VISION?!?!

Posted by: gp at July 21, 2009 11:22 PM

Squeal like a pig for me, Bruce Willis.

Also with:

Ryan Reynolds/Lewis (Burt Reynolds)
John Travolta/Ed (John Voight)
Denzel/Drew (Ronnie Cox)
PSH/Sheriff Bullard
Tony Papenfuss and John Volstad/West Virginians
Cheat River/Cahulawassee River (Chattooga River)
Wendell/retard with banjo

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 21, 2009 11:22 PM

oh what do i know?
i have trouble spelling 2-letter words!

Posted by: gp at July 21, 2009 11:24 PM

Fahrenheit 451 (a remake of the Truffaut film, but also a fantasy casting for Frank Darabont's):
Dir: Frank Darabont (he can stay)
Guy Montag: Daniel Craig
Captain Beatty: Ralph Fiennes
Prof. Faber: Ian Holm
Mildred: Tilda Swinton
Clarisse: Zooey Deschanel, or maybe Amy Adams

Posted by: kyle at July 21, 2009 11:27 PM

(forgive me)

Star Wars
Dir: Guillermo Del Toro, or possible vintage Ridley Scott
Luke Skywalker: Ryan Gosling? I have no idea
Han Solo: Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Princess Leia: Amy Adams
Grand Moff Tarkin: Ian McKellan

Chewbacca, Darth Vader, and the droids are stunt people or something with their original voices.

(note: this would probably suck)

Posted by: kyle at July 21, 2009 11:33 PM

Please refresh your memory of the 1998 remake of Psycho, starring Vince Vaughn, and then kindly remove the thought of Vince Vaughn reprising anyone's role(s) in anything. Then, if you could, please remove Vince Vaughn's image from the top of this column. It is giving me a bitch of a headache. Thank you so much.

Posted by: Jerce at July 21, 2009 11:35 PM

oh, you don't have to remind me.
i can still see vince peeping and pleasure himself.
this isn't as erotic as it may sound.

i'd rather watch anthony perkins masturbate.
(i'm pretty sure i will never again type that sentence.)

Posted by: gp at July 21, 2009 11:40 PM

Let me do two:

For A Few Dollars More
Dir: The Coen Brothers
The Man With No Name: Matt Damon
Colonel Mortimer: Viggo Mortensen
Indio: Javier Bardem

Ben-Hur (btw, this is being remade as a miniseries)
Dir: Steven Spielberg
Judah Ben-Hur: Leonardo DiCaprio
Messala: Ben Affleck
Quintus Arrius: Ciaran Hinds
Sheik Ilderim: Morgan Freeman
Esther: Paz Vega

Posted by: Fredo at July 21, 2009 11:47 PM

The Magnificent Seven (which, technically, is already a remake, so I'd feel less guilty)

Chris: Nathan Fillion
Chico: Joseph Gordon-Levitt
Harry: Viggo Mortensen
Vin: Ralph Fiennes
Bernardo: Alan Tudyk
Britt: James Franco
Lee: Ryan Renolds
Calvera: Christian Bale
Petra: Natalie Portman

Posted by: esme at July 21, 2009 11:57 PM

I'm lifting this straight from something I wrote just a month ago:

To Kill a Mockingbird. NOT because the first one was bad, it wasn't. It was great. But I'm re-reading it now and I keep imagining how a remake would look now, keeping true to the novel, maybe losing the narrator voice (really, stop throwing things at me), and well, if you read the book, the feel of it is far more moody and claustrophobic than the original film suggested and I'd love to see a re-make capture that. That sense of sometimes not being able to breathe. Everything sort of pressing in. With NO WELL-KNOWN STARS. All incredibly talented unknowns, so no one gets hung up on the actor more than the character and no one's prejudices against or for that actor gets involved. Not done by a big production company.

Filmed in Alabama. Don't overhype it. Do it right, the screenplay written by someone who absolutely loves and has studied the book intensely. NO FAKE SOUTHERN DIALECTS. Either get people with authentic voice or get the best dialect coach out there--no worries about availability, apparently Hollywood doesn't use them anymore anyway, so you'll be able to get the best for a song, probably.

Even the director would need to be southern. I'm sorry but you have to catch that thing like a firefly and it's too hard if you're a director there for several weeks from __________ and just ENCHANTED by this quaint Southern charm blah blah blah. No. If you've seen George Washington, THAT feel. But with Harper Lee's story.

It can be done. But it won't be, so stop yelling at me already.

Posted by: Snuggiepants the Deathbringer at July 21, 2009 11:58 PM

Can you just completely rewrite movies and hope for the best? Give the scripts for Star Wars Episode 1, 2, and 3 to the guy who wrote the several million Star Wars books, and then replace Hayden Christenson with Joseph Gordon-Levitt, cut out Jar Jar, and give Samuel L. Jackson a more serious role as the purple lightsaber wielding badass.

And no more quirky goddamned droids. I don't want R2D2 to be sassy, that makes me fear for the robot uprising and forces me to ruin a perfectly good blender with my baseball bat.

Posted by: Braski at July 22, 2009 12:09 AM

Good Burger

Cedric the Entertainer - Dexter Reed
Denzel Washington - Ed
Don Cheadle - Mr. Wheat
Bob Newhart - Otis
Tyra Banks - Monique

Posted by: Randy at July 22, 2009 12:30 AM

every damn time one of those big-nosed droids said "roger roger", i wanted to fuck up a little kid.

and don't get me started on r2 and his crazy antics. little bastard was moe and curly away from having his own vaudeville show.

GOD DAMN IT! NOW, I'M ANGRY AGAIN. WHERE'S GEORGE? I'LL MOIDER HIM!

Posted by: gp at July 22, 2009 12:31 AM

Rosemary's Baby with Amy Adams (again, but only because I can't really think of anyone and plus, she rocks) and Nathan Fillion.

Posted by: kyle at July 22, 2009 12:44 AM

Randy>> I think they could only pull that sort of high art off if they base it off the novel. Oh yes, someone wrote a book based on the movie based on the sketch. And yes, I read it when it came out.

Posted by: kelsy at July 22, 2009 12:57 AM

Mr. Smith Goes To Washington
Cast: Sam Rockwell (Smith, or Ryan Gosling/Robert Downey Jr. if we're playing it safe), David Straithairn (Sen. Paine), Kate Winslet (Saunders), Phillip Seymour Hoffman (Jim Taylor)
Director: George Clooney (or Marc Forster for emotion...or the Coens for style, because that could be interesting)
Score: Jon Brion

The Sting
Cast: Brad Pitt (Hooker, if just because they look so much alike), Dustin Hoffman (Goodorff)
Director: Michel Gondry (imagine how awesome the hand-made heist bits would be)

Rear Window
Cast: Not Shia LeBouf
Director: Not D.J. Caruso (or McG...you know what? Don't remake this one).

Posted by: Christian H. at July 22, 2009 1:18 AM

kyle, I think we could come up with some better choices than that. Ewan McGregor as Guy Montag. Nate Fillion as Han Solo. Just some different thoughts on the subject.

Posted by: Christian H. at July 22, 2009 1:25 AM

Movie: East of Eden
Director: [no idea]
Caleb Trask - James Franco
Aron Trask - Jake Gyllenhaal
Abra - Sophia Myles
Adam Trask - ermmm William Hurt maybe
Kate - Julianne Moore [I swear, she's old enough to be franco and gyllenhaal's mom]

I am not very good at this...

Posted by: Sal at July 22, 2009 1:29 AM

Drew Morten, P.S.H. would be WONDERFUL as Howard! Great call! Though, actually the perfect choice would probably be Tom Wilkinson (did you see Michael Clayton? Very similar, and he knocked that one out of the park).

Posted by: Christian H. at July 22, 2009 1:33 AM

Casablanca

Rick - George Clooney
Renault - Philip Seymour Hoffman
Ilsa - Maggie Gyllenhaal
Laszlo - Ralph Fiennes
The Nazi - Michael Hall

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at July 22, 2009 3:30 AM

Christian H.-

I did just sort of toss those off, but I think Fillion's a tiny bit too old to be Han...he could probably pull it off though. If they did a sequel series to Star Wars, Fillion would be perfect as a Slightly-Older Han Solo.

Ewan McGregor could also work as Guy Montag, mostly because he can do anything (he's like Michael Sheen in that respect), but I picked Daniel Crag because I was thinking of someone a little older and scruffier, but that was just my interpretation of the character.

Posted by: kyle at July 22, 2009 3:32 AM

Star Wars Episodes 1-3 and keep George Lucas the fuck away from it.

Give it to Hiyao Miyazaki and use the action director from all those old Gordon Liu movies, Liu Chia-liang or something. Get Quentin Tarantino in on an executive producer credit. He might have gove to his head, but it's the closest we're gonna get to fill the Han Solo void of the prequel saga. Maybe get Brian K. Vaughan or Chan Wook Park to rewrite the shit out of it. Put more years in between Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker. Find where he lives and shit in Hayden Christiansen's mailbox. How to do it I leave up to you.

Can I also say that I really bugs me that we would remake already good movies. I think this list would be more interesting if we Random Listed remakes for bad or almost good movies.

Posted by: Jackseppelin at July 22, 2009 3:53 AM

Mildred Pierce would be awesome in a Mad Men era. In fact, why not transplant it to the early sixties or fifties? My two leads are a tad too old for their roles, but what're you gonna do?

Mildred Pierce: Meryl Streep
Veda (her manipulative daughter): Rachel McAdams
Monte (Mildred's mooching playboy boyfriend): Bradley Cooper
Wally (Mildred's total-charmer business investor): Robert Downey Jr.

::shudders:: I can't believe I just created a scenario where Meryl Streep and Bradley Cooper play a couple. What the hell is wrong with me?

Posted by: whatBENwatches at July 22, 2009 4:00 AM

And as Mildred's pal Ida: Laura Linney

Posted by: whatBENwatches at July 22, 2009 4:04 AM

Alright just for fun
BIG
Josh Baskin (Tom Hanks) - Jason Segel
Susan (Elizabeth Perkins) - Rachel McAdams
MacMillan (Robert Loggia) - Alan Arkin
Paul (Josh Heard) - Nathan Fillion / Ryan Reynolds

Posted by: Taylor at July 22, 2009 5:00 AM

Logans Run

DIrector- Andrew Niccol
Cinematography - Jeff Cronenweth
Logan- Chris Evans
Jessica 6-Michelle Monaghan
Old Man- Robin Williams
Holly- Scarlett Johansson
Francis- Ben Barnes

Posted by: rabbi at July 22, 2009 5:20 AM

Blazing Saddles
A Judd Apatow Film

* Kevin Hart as Sheriff Bart
* Seth Rogen as Jim, aka "The Waco Kid"
* Steve Carrell as Gov. William J. Le Petomane / Indian Chief
* Elizabeth Banks as Lili Von Shtüppw
* Will Ferrell as Hedley Lamarr
* Paul Rudd as Taggart
* Jack Black as Buddy Bizarre
* Bill Hader as Reverend Johnson
* Jason Segel as Van Johnson
* Micheal Cera as Lyle
* Jay Baruchel as Howard Johnson
* JOnah Hill as Olson Johnson
* John C. Reilly as Mongo
* Adam Sandler as Gabby Johnson
* Leslie Mann as Miss Stein
* Micheal Clark Duncan as Charlie
* Jim Carrey as Boris, the hangman

Posted by: Randy at July 22, 2009 6:19 AM

Is he the guy who's hooking up with hot models on ___Tallloving Co m___ ? actually there're lots sexy people there, Online chat, blogs, forums, flirtation and messages! Start an May-December romance just a click away! Whether for heat or passion, you are gonna be surprised what you might be end with!!LOL

Posted by: Adam at July 22, 2009 6:35 AM

I'm playing with a safety on this one, for what's the chance that the same film will be remade twice by Hollywood since the 80s?

Cat People
directed by William Friedkin

Starring: Angela Bettis as Irena Dubrovna Reed, Patrick Wilson as Oliver Reed, Morgan Freeman as Dr. Louis Judd, and Natalie Mendoza (Juno in The Descent) as Alice Moore

Alternative (if the parts skew towards younger-looking actors): Cristina Ricci as Irena Dubrovna Reed, Cheyenne Jackson as Oliver Reed, Jackie Earle Haley as Dr. Louis Judd, and Zooey Deschanel as Alice Moore

Obviously, a director like Friedkin would get the importance of light and shadow in the original, as well as score and pervasive feline imagery that morphs from everyday objects.

Posted by: Robert at July 22, 2009 6:39 AM

Movie: Harvey (originally 1950)
Directed by: Guy Ritchie
Elwood P. Dowd: Colin Farrell

After In Bruges, I think Colin Farrell could pull this off quite well... and I'd love to see Guy Ritchie's take on it.

Posted by: Colin at July 22, 2009 7:35 AM

Randy your Blazing Saddles cast is awesome!

Imagine the never ending crap from the PC police if they kept the original script.

Wasn't there a F 451 script being shopped around a few years ago? I read in EW that Leo was signed to play Guy. Which I think is a very decent choice, btw. Make him grow a scruffy beard and I'm down.
Ian McKellan as Faber
Ginnifer Goodwin as Mildred
Zooey Deschannel as Clarisse
Tommy Lee Jones as Beatty.

Directed by Martin Scorsese or maybe Robert Redford .

They would have to up date it to include the internet though, where they powers that be have the ability to change any content they don't like.

This is fun.

Posted by: Mebe at July 22, 2009 7:48 AM

The Exorcist

Director - Guillermo Del Toro (he would work it over to feel new without ruining the spirit of the original)
Regan - Emma Roberts (looks young enough, gives her valuable street cred)
Regan's Mother - Mary-Louise Parker (she even kind of looks like Emma)
Father Merrin - Brian Cox (for the death scene alone)
Father Karras - Viggo Mortensen (SERIOUS upgrade from the previous actor; could really explore the character's spiritual crisis and anchor the movie)

Huh. I might not be too upset if it happened like this and The Exorcist easily cracks my all time top 10.

Posted by: Kballs at July 22, 2009 8:33 AM

This is just wrong. You will only have yourselves to blame when these start production. In particular, if that remake of Blazing Saddles happens, may you burn in hell Randy.

Also, Christian H, how do you cast The Sting and not make a pick for Doyle Lonegan.

Posted by: WestCoastPat at July 22, 2009 8:35 AM

William Kiehely's The Man Who Came to Dinner

Sheridan Whiteside: Ricky Gervais
Maggie Cutler: Kate Winslett
Bert Jefferson: Mark Ruffalo
Lorraine Sheldon: Cate Blanchett

Daisy Stanley (mom): Carol Kane
Ernest Stanley (dad): Robert De Niro
June Stanley (daughter): Dakota Fanning
Richard Stanley (son): Michael Cera
Harriet Stanley (deranged sister): Helena Bonham Carter

Banjo: Steve Carrell
Nurse Preen: Frances McDormand

Posted by: codger at July 22, 2009 8:57 AM

Well, if I'm using my favorite classic, I'd be interested to see what Wes Anderson would do with Sunset Blvd. I don't know who of his regulars I could see in the William Holden role: Neither of the Wilsons work for Joe Gillis. Adrien Brody? No, I don't think so. Jason Schwartzman? Maybe. And I certainly have no idea who could play Norma Desmond. They'd probably have to find someone nobody's ever heard of who can actually, y'know, act.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at July 22, 2009 9:29 AM

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS
Director: Michael Bay or Brett Ratner
Momar (Mom Martian): Fran Drescher
Kimar (King Martian): Tom Arnold
Bomar (Boy Martian): Verne Troyer
Gimar (Girl Martian): Raven Symone
Chocem (Martian elder): Gilbert Gottfried
Betty Foster (Earth girl): Miley Cyrus
Billy Foster (Earth boy): Cole/Dylan Sprouse
Voldar(Martian bad guy): Wilmer Valderrama
Stobo (Martian henchman): David Spade
Shim (Martian henchman): Rob Schneider
Dropo (Martian moron): Tracy Morgan
Santa Claus: Rainbow Killer
Earth Leader: Paris Hilton

Posted by: swingdude at July 22, 2009 9:36 AM

I've got another take on the Seven Samurai remake. My cast: Chuck Norris in all seven roles.

BAM! That just happened.

Posted by: logar at July 22, 2009 9:50 AM

Got another one: Midnight Cowboy. Starring Will Ferrell and John C Reilly. Directed by Adam McKay. Don't scoff. You know you'd fucking watch it.

Posted by: logar at July 22, 2009 9:55 AM

logar, the only way I would ever watch it is if my mother was going to be torn apart by eighteen-wheelers, all films by people other than SNL-related writers and directors were banned by President-for-Life-Eh? Lorne Michaels, and parts of my brain had been removed by a cerebral palsy patient with a melon baller.
And then, only if it was in 3-D.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at July 22, 2009 10:12 AM

i just recently watched "harold & maude" (for probably the 3rd time) and kept thinking:

harold: topher grace (5 years ago)
maude: amy sedaris (20 years from now)or drew barrymore (she rocked in "grey gardens"!)
soundtrack: iron & wine

i know a remake would ultimetly suck, but it's fun to think about the casting, and then hope they never do it.

Posted by: glittergirl at July 22, 2009 10:20 AM

I'm going to say Rear Window, with Cate Blanchett and Lee Pace as the leads, directed by Fincher, maybe.

Posted by: stephi_who? at July 22, 2009 11:07 AM

"Movie: East of Eden
Director: [no idea]
Caleb Trask - James Franco
Aron Trask - Jake Gyllenhaal
Abra - Sophia Myles
Adam Trask - ermmm William Hurt maybe
Kate - Julianne Moore [I swear, she's old enough to be franco and gyllenhaal's mom]"

No. Julianne Moore is not nearly talented enough to take on Kate, one of the most complex and fucking evil female literary characters around. I don't know who could do it, but it's not Julianne "Wooden" Moore. I *picture* her played by Kirsten Dunst, but I don't think KD has the chops, either.

As to charm, what about Hugh Jackman? He's pretty charming and can sing, dance, and do all those old-school things. As to the ladies, I really can't think of a single actress who measures up to Marilyn Monroe (I think somebody suggested a remake of "Seven Year Itch" above) with respect to sheer charisma and magnetism.

Posted by: samantha t at July 22, 2009 11:13 AM

I'd like to see DUMB & DUMBER remade by Woody Allen, starring Javier Bardem and Daniel Day-Lewis as the two titular idiots.

Posted by: Mohaski at July 22, 2009 12:25 PM

@samantha re:East of Eden - well I just based it on her performance in Savage Grace and I found her very masked-evil like and whore-ready.

Oh yeah,

Labyrinth [Jennifer Conelly]remade by Guillermo del Toro [Pan's Labyrinth].

waiiiiiitt....

Posted by: sal at July 22, 2009 12:59 PM

The Exorcist

Regan - Abigail Breslin
Chris - Patricia Clarkson
Lt. Kinderman - Andre Braugher
Father Karras - Kyle Chandler
Father Merrin - Ian McKellen
Voice of Pazuzu - Harvey Fierstein
Director - Chan-Wook Park

Posted by: John W at July 22, 2009 1:14 PM

whenever i watch "what's up doc?" (and i do a lot. i love that movie!!) i tend to picture jennifer aniston (and i'm not even that big a fan of hers) in the barbra streisand role.
not sure for the ryan o'neal role--maybe james mcavoy? whomever it is would have to play nerdy/sexy really well!!
for the eunice burns role?--how do you top madeline kahn? you don't. no suggestion on that one....
and for director....you could have peter bogdanovich do it again. but i would hope he wouldn't stoop to something like that, as his original is already (mostly) perfect. no suggestion there either.

Posted by: maxpurr9 at July 22, 2009 1:28 PM

The Godfather
Director - Martin Scorcese

Don Corleone - Giancarlo Giannini
Michael - Jason Schwartzman
Sonny - Vince Vaughn
Tom Hagen - Simon Baker
Fredo - Michael Imperioli
Connie - Winona Ryder
Kay Adams - Amy Adams
Clemenza - Vincent Pastore
Tessio - Frank Vincent
Capt McCluskey - Sean Connery
Sollozzo - Vincent Curatola
Luca Brazi - James Galdofini
Moe Greene- Joe Pantoliano
Jack Woltz - Phillip Baker Hall
Carlo - Adrian Pasdar
Johnny Fontane - George Clooney

Posted by: John W at July 22, 2009 4:51 PM

It's a Wonderful Life directed by me, starring:

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as George Bailey
Natalie Portman (or Zooey Deschanel, I miss old re-couplings of actors) as Mary Hatch
Dick Cheney (okay, Philip Seymour Hoffman) as Mr. Potter
Peter MacNicol as Uncle Billy
Alan Tudyk as Ernie
Nathan Fillion as Bert
Kristen Bell as Violet
Steve Buscemi as Mr. Gower
Jason Schwartzman as Sam Wainwright
Kieran Culkin as Harry Bailey

Posted by: puppetDoug at July 22, 2009 5:03 PM

Animal House
Director - Judd Apatow

Blutarsky – Jack Black
Otter – Ryan Reynolds
Boon – Zach Braff
Pinto – Seth Green
Flounder – Jonah Hill
D-Day – Todd Lowe
Hoover – Casey Affleck
Greg Marmalard - Bob Odenkirk
Niedermeyer – Steve Carell
Dean Wormer – Ray Wise
Mrs Wormer – Courtney Cox
Mandy – Sarah Michelle Gellar
Babs – Marley Shelton
Katy – Zooey Deschanel
Prof Jennings – Mike Meyers

Posted by: John W at July 22, 2009 5:18 PM

My favorite classic movie, translated to English for this purpose because I am NOT going to go finding enough Swedish actors for this: The Seventh Seal. As an added bonus, I feel okay about it because no studio would touch this remake with a ten foot pole.

Director: Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck

Antonius Block: Chiwetel Ejiofor
Jöns, his squire: Peter Sarsgaard
Death: Robert Downey, Jr.
Mute servant girl: Alison Lohman
The thief: Karl Urban
Jof (actor): Martin Freeman
Mia (Jof's wife): Amy Adams
Witch: Sophie Okonedo

Posted by: Opie Curious at July 23, 2009 2:18 AM

I think you could do a good remake of The Women, keeping the original screenplay (the original stage play), and taking out the lame last few seconds (and having the right cast):
Director: The Coen Brothers
Mary: Kate Winslet
Crystal: Catherine Zeta-Jones
Sylvia: ???
the Countess: Sally Field
Miriam: Rachel McAdams
Peggy: Amy Adams
Mrs. Morehead: Candice Bergen

Posted by: Chipwitch at July 23, 2009 11:15 AM





Video ads popping up after each page view? Try clearing your browser's cookies.