Pajiba

Can't we talk about your Deadwood love instead? You'll find lots of takers on this site.

Anyways, I was 17 and very casually seeing this guy who was probably quite nice (17 was several centuries ago and the memory is faded). He called one day while I was in the middle of a huge fight with my mother about "ruining my life and trampling all over my dead father's memory by seeing this boy once a week instead of studying all the hours God gave me to ace my Leaving Cert exams" so I picked up the phone and without any explanation, said "Don't ever call me again, I want nothing to do with you", slammed the phone down and asked my mother "are you happy now?".
To this day (more than 20 years later), he cuts me dead in the street if I run in to him when I am home on a visit.

Editorial note: Al Swearengen was actually a real person, but not one as lovable as Ian McShane's version by all accounts.

Dear Deadwood,

Why aren't you still around? It burns.

Sincerely,
Everyone who's seen Deadwood

I dated a guy at my summer job (Six Flags). In August, a week before I was to leave for college, he broke up with me because he didn't want to be in a long-distance relationship. I understood that, and we parted amicably.

I come back home 6 weeks later for the banquet Six Flags has after it closes for the season. I see my ex with one of our mutual friends. Turns out he had not only actually dumped me for her, he had discussed the situation with every single one of our mutual friends before we broke up. So all our friends knew I was going to be dumped over two weeks before it happened. All of which helps explain why I only have one friend from those days I keep in touch with.

At least as soon as our mutual friend found out all this, she kicked him to the curb (he told her the long-distance excuse too and she bought it).

I was at Freshman at ISU and she was at Freshman at Penn State. She is Jewish and I am not. The relationship was on the downside for a little while, and we had been dating since sophomore year of high school. We got into a conversation about Schindler's List. I said I was not a fan of the film, because I did not like they way that it was directed. Not hate, just didn't like. She promptly end the relationship by screaming that I was anti-Semitic and a horrible person. "People like me are the reason that we cannot forget the Holocaust".
dial tone. (remember those?)
So that was the day that I had my first drink.

Immediately post coitus.

So, my girlfriend and I work at the same resturant, and although things had been a little rocky, she asks me to hang out after work on a Thursday night and have a few drinks (just drinks-this part is important later). She calls me the next morning and asks if I'll cover her Friday shift waiting tables at the resturant because she's not feeling well, which I do, because it's good money, and I'm an idiot. I'm working the shift, and about an hour in, one of the cooks says to me "You're too nice a guy, dude." Turns out the only reason she had me over the night before was to learn how to make some specialty drinks for a party she was having Friday night-I was a bartender in college. That's why I was working her shift. The entire resturant staff knew except for me. The cooks who felt bad (or hated me-either way) tried to cheer me up the only way they knew how-by mercilessly busting ny balls the entire night. "Yeah, I'm sure she's doing some guy right now!" "Dude, you gonna go over there after and clean up?" "Hey, why don't you go ahead and make breakfast for whoever she wakes up with" . There were others, but you get the point. This was someone who I dated for three years-Well, from her point of view probably more like two and a half years.

You people are some cold-hearted motherfuckers...

If it's not obvious, PaddyDog did it all wrong. You don't dump someone to spite your mother. You fuck them to spite her. And tell her all about it in a huge fight where you throw it in her face and enjoy the look of shock and dismay. Duh.

Also, what does "he cuts me dead in the street if I run into him" mean? I think I know what it means, but I've been wrong about these things before.

I would hope in my previous comment it was obvious that I was the DUMPEE.

As for admin, I don't know, since this is "worst way you have dumped -or- been dumped." The post-coitus whammy is almost certainly a guy move.

To cut someone dead is to refuse to acknowledge their existence possibly while simultaneously giving them the stink eye. It's an excellent and satisfying maneuver. Er, I mean, only bitches do that. Ew, mean!

So we're at a bar with a bunch of people from my improv class (that's a great start), and the conversation turns to what everyone prefers in the bedroom.
It gets around to her, and everyone is just dead silent because she's the only girl there and they want to hear what she has to say.
And she says, "Well, a little rough. Hair pulling, some teeth, that sort of thing." Pretty much everything I didn't do with her.
As the conversation carries forward among the other improvisers, I lean over and say, "I guess I should take notes, huh?"
And she says, "Nope. Don't worry about it."
And it slowly dawned on me.

Awww, BWeaves, I like you. Don't make me pull your hair.

I'm don't really want to get into the breakup question. I'll just leave it at 4 slashed tires, and you can probably figure out the rest. What I want to talk about is Peeps. Apparently, there are a lot of people who don't use the proper method to prepare their peeps. They just buy them and eat them. That is WRONG. Peeps must be prepared. After you buy them, you need to remove them from their packaging and let them ferment on a windowsill for a week or two. THEN you eat them or use them as weapons.

Drake, I had a guy do essentially the same thing to me in high school, except we had gotten a little physical (but not much). Now I'm wondering.

I THINK we have a sweet that's similar to a Peep over here, it's marshmallow inside with the sugar coating outside...it's not shaped like anything though....*sigh*

An oldie but a goodie, especially round these parts.

My craziest ex offered to drive me to a gig in NYC. I thought this was strange, since we both lived in NYC at the time, were both from NJ, and both left our cars back in the homeland, but if it saved me schlepping a ton of gear through public transportation, I was game. Long story short, she pulled up to the club, told me to get the fuck out, and attempted to throw my guitar through the open window of her car. She did not, however, have properly leverage to throw said guitar out of the passenger side window when it was carefully nestled in the back seat for maximum protection. I kindly removed my gear from her car and watched her drive away into the night. And by drive away, I mean reenter the bumper to bumper traffic in NYC at nighttime. Thank Godtopus I always kept my metrocard handy or it would have been hellish getting back to my apartment.

I've had a guy do the disappearance act on me too. Just stopped calling, stopped coming around. The sad thing is I totally dated him again when he reappeared a year later. Whatever, he was hot and I wasn't all that serious in relationships at that age anyway.
More recently I had a guy go completely batshit on me after I broke up with him a little over a month into a casual relationship because he was falling for me and I didn't want to string him along. He internet-harassed me for a couple of weeks, begging me to take him back. This culminated in him showing up at my apartment with food and heat packs because I'd posted on fb that my back hurt. I wouldn't let him in the apartment and ended up having to shut the door in his face when he refused to listen to me (he seemed to think he could make me reciprocate his feelings by begging really hard). It was at that moment he decided to tell me he was in love with me. Awkward. It gets better. He then he sends me an email a week later informing me that he's working on a novel and wants my help with the "molecular biology parts." Freaked out, I wrote back to find out if this "novel" was some sort of roman a clef based on our relationship. His answer: no, it was gonna be a vampire novel...inspired by our relationship. I told him he as gonna have to write it on his own (and also that I was tired of him scheming to get me back in his life) and he finally left me alone after that. We dated for about 6 weeks. He dragged the post-breakup out 3 1/2. I felt like an asshole but sheesh.

I was in a terrible on-again, off-again relationship with this guy for about five years. At one point he was living in a tent in a trailer park because he'd gotten kicked out of the house he was living in with several other guys. He was also either doing meth or speed, which didn't become apparent until later. (Incidentally, we met at my church. Please do not home school your kids, people.) So in the interest of "saving him", I convinced my mom to let him move into my room in her house. I was 19, I think. So time went by and he got shadier and shadier. One night after going to see a movie, he went to go meet a guy to sell him some "baseball cards". He seriously said that. I went back home and carefully placed every single thing that he owned out on our porch. When he came home at 6 AM, I didn't even speak to him. I never saw him again and I don't really care.
This was the worst way I have ever broken up with someone, but damned if it wasn't the most satisfying.

It was high school. Summer. He was in a band. I was in a clique. It sorted out such that each girl in the clique was dating a guy in the band. I had the lead guitarist. He got on my nerves, but I had absolutely no idea how to break up with him, because it would mean backing out of my clique and spending the rest of summer alone at home. Then, thankfully, in early August I went backpacking for a couple weeks. No cell phone, no facebook. When I got back I avoided him (and, consequently, all my friends) like the plague. I didn't take calls, didn't get online. Everyone thought I had either died or moved away (yes, they did come looking for me, but I was very sneaky). When school started (and the band had broken up), I pretended that I'd been away the whole time. He never found out what happened to me.

Drake, well, it wasn't all that serious. We'd only gone out a few times before she up and disappeared. Still, leaving a man with blue balls is just wrong, you know? At least let a brother get a handy for his trouble. I'm mean, that's just basic common courtesy.

I got dumped by Deadwood. Does that count?

I just recently finished Season 3 and have gnawing urge to find every living ancestor of [SPOILER], and beat them around their stupid [SPOILER]heads while screaming "YOU FERTILIZED YOUR EMPIRE WITH THE BLOOD OF [SPOILER] YOU FUCKERS!!!!!"

I say we picket HBO and threaten them with fan fiction. Something where Al develops telepathy, Dan & Johnny discover the love that dare not speak its name, Cy grows bat wings and fangs and Seth has his eyes replaced by frickin laserbeams (not much of a stretch I'll admit). And furries. Lots and lots of furries. Maybe that will teach them to FINISH THE DAMN STORY AND DON'T BE SUCH A GODDAMM TEASE.

Yiffy!

I've been dumped a few times. It smarts, but you get over it. There's a few guys who got a raw deal with me as well. Usually the problem is not liking someone enough in the first place, but (mistakenly) wanting to give them a fair shot. Then they start getting on your nerves... I was once on a date with a guy who was practically hearing wedding bells, but sooooooooooo very boring. He asked if I was friends with the bartender (because he kept pouring us free drinks when our glasses where still half full), so I answered, truthfully: "No, I fucked him". Then I walked out and left him with the bill.

Classy I ain't.

It wasn't particularly classy, but goddamn, it was hot.

Oh, I totally forgot one. I mentioned way up there ^^^ that I dumped one guy for another one. Well the second one dumped me 6 months later. Then we had tickets for a Toad the Wet Sprocket concert the very next day. We were going with a small group of people. I thought about not going since he was going, but decided there was no reason to waste a Toad ticket. Well the group included two chicks I did not know but who were friends with the dumper. He rode in a car with another guy friend and the two chicks and I rode with the girl who he'd dumped me for (this sounds so weird now). Our car was behind his so I saw him playing around with these girls all the way to the city. I was crazy jealous. It's not even like he was literally macking on them--just being his usual flirtatious playful self. Then he continued to flirt around with them all through the concert and I cried my little eyes out the whole time. So embarrassing. I still can't really enjoy Toad anymore. I totally bonded with his other ex-girlfriend, though.

In 10th grade, I dumped Becky Shwartzheimer via a brown paper textbook cover. And the text was dope, too, like, "I think we're growing apart. I don't think I really love you. I hope we can be friends." FTW all day every day.

Got megadumped in 2002 over the worst of e-mail exchanges, shorty called me a fag & told me that "everybody" had nicknamed me "gayboy", but I got her back by reminding her that she killed her fetus with drugs. Stay classy, Glen Burnie!

I'm actually a wholly decent dude. Everybody whom I dumped post-puberty was dumped with grace, & only because I exercised excellent foresight. I've never been one to prolong the inevitable - the world is a vampire, let's just get it over with.

This is freaky, I just spend a few hours counseling my friend over gchat on whether or not she should dump her live-in boyfriend. I've personally never been dumped, or dumped anyone, because I've never been in a serious relationship, but the closest I came was with this comedian in my neighborhood. It definitely had an abnormal ending. We sort of awkwardly hung out for a while, then had a sort of threesome with a friend of mine, during which it was very clear that he was infinitely more into her than me. By that point, I didn't really like him anyways, so I was probably more into her, too. The next day I told him that if he wanted to date her, that was fine, just let me know. He said he hadn't decided anything yet. (Yeah, that really should've been the end.) Later that day he traveled almost an hour to her house to watch a movie, although he never had time to hang out with me because he was soooo busy. I wrote a semi-bitchy text and thought that was the end, but he apparently didn't realize it was, because I had to officially end things a few days later, when he showed up at a bar, kept standing next to me, and didn't seem to notice that I was giving him the stink-eye.

Months later, my friend and I were looking for new apartments at the same time, and I almost considered moving in with her, before she told me the comedian might live there too. And now we come full circle, because I just offered her my couch to crash on if she breaks up with him and wants to be away while he packs up his stuff. Aww yeah, same people.

I have learned something too, Craig. And JFeist. I've learned that gay guys give up really freaking easily on ever dating or loving again. One crappy experience and then you're DONE. (I can generalize like this because my penis is a gay man.)

Ok, I have no story to share, but godtopus damn, Grace. That story, much like the Peeps, is sickeningly sweet!

(Congrats on it. Seriously.)

"The one with Stuart Damon? YOU BITE YOUR FUCKING TONGUE!!! That Cinderella ROOLZ!!!"

Posted by: , at April 7, 2010 11:51 PM

Dude, you don't gotta tell me! I've had it from Netflix since last Friday, and I've watched it three times. I just really love Lesley Ann Warren, though. And no, not only because she was in Clue. You remember that old Disney movie where she played the girl with the dad who ran some Bible school with boxing classes out of his living room, and there was an alligator that lived in the hallway or some shit? And she got engaged to that rich dude, and his mother hated her, and there was a lot of singing and I think maybe a crazy aunt and a twin brother? Or possibly just a regular brother. I don't know, but that family had a lot of kids, and I think there was also an itinerant Irish butler. I can never remember what that movie is called, but it is TOTALLY AWESOME. It also might be the worst thing I've ever seen.

Naturally, I own it on DVD.

I was 13, he was new, he was the hottest guy our school had seen in a lo-o-ong time, the moment I saw him I had that thunderbolt right in the chest. I was his official GF by lunchtime hockey practice. For 3 months it was great we had nothing in common except an intense desire to make out non stop and listen to 'The Verve', we called each other every night-I even called him when I was on holiday from a pay phone (remember those? ah good times). For me it was my first ever brush with the Love word. One of my best friends was dating one of his best friends we were a cute little foursome who giggled and went to all the parties together in our own little lovely bubble.
Anyway our friends split up a few days before another friends huge, sweet 16 type party. I was excited about seeing him as in those days parties were the only place we got to make out. He arrived and was ignoring me and being strange, I questioned him and he shrugged, was rude, standoffish. Having just spent the last hour comforting my hysterically crying friend I, somewhat emotionally told him he was dumped, thinking we would patch it up later. I was then informed by a very good male friend of mine that he had made a bet with his friends to treat me bad to see what my reaction would be and then he was going to dump me at the end of the night all to win £10.
He went on to flirt with every girl who had liked him from day one and had hated me for dating him (so there was no sisterhood solidarity, apart from my close friends) and ended up kissing a girl who looked like a man.
He was pretty awful to me in school for a while afterwards. That was my first take of love, high stakes and rejection and God did it hurt. The thing that stung the most was the callous, your only worth £10 attitude and the lack of respect to let me grieve my first love without having to watch him make out with A GIRL WHO LOOKED LIKE A MAN!
We had the whole on off relationship thing right up until we left school, with me always being the loser in the relationship because I liked him so much and put up with a lot of crap. I saw him recently and Good lord what was my 13 year old heart thinking?????

Anyway these day a guy cant even buy me a drink until I know his religion, what football team he supports and a full background check and medical history. I mean, I dont want oral herpes!!!

Actually, that's not true. I've drunk much, much more.

I got the disappearing act once in college. Actually no, it was 2x, and by the same guy both times.
A couple of years ago a guy broke up with me via myspace message. That stung.
Turns out he was a cokehead, and preferred that to being in a relationship.

My ex was in the process of divorcing his wife when we were dating. Their relationship had been over for a long time, so it wasn't really a problem. Unfortunately, his reaction to stress was. His wife had cheated on him and was currently living with the guy, and every time my ex went to visit his kids, he had to see this guy.

So he stopped going over. Despite my pleas for him to man up and think of the kids first, he just couldn't cope. And when he got really upset, he disappeared. For weeks at a time. We had only been dating a short while, so I didn't want to pressure him, but after this happened a couple of times, I told him it was too hard on me to not know what was happening, if he had been hurt or killed or had another girlfriend or what.

He then disappeared for six months. No word, no phone call, nothing. One night I get a call and it's him, and he acts like nothing is wrong. SIX MONTHS of me wondering if he killed himself, and I hear him saying, "Hey, what's up?" He told me he had forgotten my phone number.

*chokes on suppressed rage for a minute*

Never mind that he called me nearly every night for months (frankly, I like a little more space). Or that he knew where I lived. Or that I was in the phone book. He thought we could just pick up where we "left off".

After getting over my stunned disbelief, I pointed out that it was late and I had work in the morning (I had graduated college and started a new job while he was gone). He was amazed that I had continued my life despite his absence and asked to see me. I agreed only so I could tell him off and achieve some closure.

Only he bailed again. Disappeared. I never got to "officially" end it. I guess technically I was the one who was dumped, only he didn't bother telling me.

A while later I had an awesome dream in which I killed him and buried him in my woods.

I don't have one, but my brother's evil ex dumped him by waiting until he went to work, clearing out the home they shared together, and taking stuff they had jointly bought, and moving it back to her mother's, so he could come home and find their house gutted.

He was devastated. The rest of us, though sad for him, rejoiced that she was no longer in his life.

My freshman year of high school I agreed to date this guy who'd been bugging me to go out since seventh grade. We were together for a few months, he was sweet, funny, cute blah blah blah.

Well we did it. It was both of our first times, it was awkward, but (I thought) sweet.

Come Monday morning I show up at school and literally everybody I know is looking at me weird and I can't figure out why. I'm going "do I have I'm not a virgin any more tattooed on my forehead? the fuck?"

My best friend pulls me aside and tells me: over the weekend, after the deflowering, the boy called everybody he knew and came out.

I spent the rest of high school being known as that girl who was so bad in bed she turned boys gay.

"Oh God, never mind. Get off. Let's break up."

courtney - Ha! For some reason, I found that terribly funny. Thanks for the laugh.

the day before valentine's day... my then husband (of less than a year / although we'd dated for nearly 8) was gushing about how awesome our marriage was and how great our life was... he was totally clueless that I'd been cheating on him for several months (with someone who was leaving their gf of 12 years for me)and as he's just going on and on and on I snapped and bitched him out on how crappy a husband and lover he was and how I HATED our life and wanted a divorce...

I messed him up so bad that he couldn't go to work the next day and stayed home crying to his mommy on the phone...

yea... I'm a right bitch

When I was young and stupid, I dated this guy on and off for a couple of years and during one of our breakups, he called and sweet-talked me into coming over by saying he wanted to talk and he'd take me out to a nice dinner. I showed up at his house, we had make-up sex (at least that's what I thought it was!) and as we were getting dressed, he told me he had to go to work so he couldn't take me to dinner and literally put some money on the dresser and said "but here's $20, go get youself something to eat"

I packed up and moved to Texas to be with the man I had been dating for almost three years. I didn't know anyone else there and I was horribly depressed and alone, except for my pets.

8 months after the move, my 17 year year old cat died in my arms. 4 hours after he died, the boyfriend announced he was leaving me.

There is a special place in hell for this.

I broke up with a girl on her 16th birthday....2 minutes after I gave her a bunch of her favorite flowers and something else i can't think of.

I don't know if you can call it 'breaking up' thoug since we'd only been on like 2 dates. I was fucking 15 years old. What did i know. But apparently, after 2 dates, she was my girlfriend.

But anyhoo, yeah...broke up with her on her 16th birthday and then 2 weeks later was dating her friend. I look at it almost as a badge of courage now.

Whorish Mouth - yup, I am a Maria, but not the one you are thinking of. No shitty children or trailers or younger girlfriends in my breakup, just a spineless Lost Boy who wouldn't choose to grow up! Also I am not that old yet!