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Pajiku

By Tater Barley Banks | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (84)

18829094.jpg

Be careful what you wish for, they say. So I guess it was inevitable that if I asked for diversion ideas often enough, that idiot , would eventually write with one.

I mean, the guy spewed out something like 2,100 comments last year, which is bad enough (he just won’t S.T.F.U.), but he also thinks he’s funny (anybody who’s read his innumeramiserable comments for more than a day or so knows he’s hardly), so they were all worth about a tinker’s dam.

Get a load, for instance, of the way he started his e-mail to me:

—-

Haiku! Gesundheit!

Well, I thought it was funny.

You can go fuc* your …

Aw s*it.

—-

Har-dee-har-har. Is that hysterical or what?

So I was about to transmit his drivel directly to the “useless” folder for disposal when I spotted this link and figured, what the hell. (, noted that a punctuation haiku contest was “right up my colon, LOL!” He’s such a moron.)

But you know what? Some of those are pretty clever, so maybe ,’s idea that we have a Pajiku contest — a day dedicated to haiku pertaining to all things Pajiba, which pretty much includes all things — isn’t as harebrained as I think it is.

I have no prize to offer, except a slightly used testical in a jar of formaldehyde, and , didn’t offer one, so the funniest, the cleverest and the smartest among you will have to settle for the applause and approval of your peers, and really, isn’t that enough?

Unless you want the jar.

Snap to it, people.










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Comments

So confused.

Until I realized you were referencing the commenter "," who is next to impossible to talk about without sounding completely retarded. We're going to have to starting refering to him/her as "The commenter signified by the punctuation mark 'comma'." Much longer. Much clearer.

Posted by: superasente at January 29, 2011 5:00 PM

Reading a review,

trying to laugh quietly;

peed myself a bit.

Posted by: Aratweth at January 29, 2011 5:01 PM

Pajiba has three
Syllables: enough to make
Haiku difficult.

Posted by: scarecrowprophet at January 29, 2011 5:05 PM

Fingers on keyboard
Not as witty as I thought
Comment is erased

Posted by: Blank at January 29, 2011 5:12 PM

WHAT?

Posted by: Snuggiepants at January 29, 2011 5:27 PM

Many tabs open
Pajiba: embodiment of
Procrastination

Posted by: Aislinn at January 29, 2011 5:30 PM

Comment provokes me!
Compose caustic rebuttal--
--but ooh, look, Stathammmmmmmmm...

Posted by: Jerce at January 29, 2011 5:32 PM

Bloody fucking hell
One syllable too many
I am so shamefaced.

Posted by: Aislinn at January 29, 2011 5:37 PM

Pajiba lesson:
What is the worst thing to find?
Sandy vagina.

Posted by: Wednesday at January 29, 2011 5:38 PM

Eloquence is nice.
But can it help you perform
Splits across the floor?

Posted by: Wednesday at January 29, 2011 5:40 PM

Underrated film
Pure genius in disguise
Human Centipede

Posted by: Segment One at January 29, 2011 5:44 PM

Has anyone here
Watched the latest Heigl film?
YOU JUMP UP YOUR ASS!

Posted by: Julie at January 29, 2011 5:44 PM

I don't want to write
haikus about Pajiba
so I will write this:

The hammer drill roars,
blows his thinning hair way back
like he's on the lake.

It's about a guy using a hammer drill.

Posted by: Daventhal at January 29, 2011 6:00 PM

WHAT?

Posted by: Snuggiepants at January 29, 2011 5:27 PM

Snuggiepants please know
Pajibans may like to write
about our bad selves

Posted by: TheOtherGreg at January 29, 2011 6:00 PM

Love, Actually.
I finally watched this shit.
Hate, definitely.

Posted by: Shonda at January 29, 2011 6:02 PM

Dustin rolls this blog
up Web hill--falls to orgy.
Sighs, laughs, starts again.

Posted by: Robert at January 29, 2011 6:09 PM

Pajiba's old game,
Whimsaquirkalicious,
thy long winded name.

Posted by: anon at January 29, 2011 6:13 PM

I'm working on one
About Nathan Fillion,
But fear I'll run out of syll

Posted by: Jerce at January 29, 2011 6:15 PM

The Shiny Full Moon
Val Kilmer's Forehead
Has Competition

Posted by: JGsolid at January 29, 2011 6:28 PM

Always posting last
On good threads just abandoned
I should come here more

Posted by: Young_Grandma_Ben at January 29, 2011 7:08 PM

I left a comment
Before finishing the post
It happens sometimes

Posted by: superasente at January 29, 2011 7:14 PM

Haiku Pajiba
Okay, I can kill some time
while I drink coffee.


What's the connection
To the gold girl in the pic?
Inquiring minds . . .

Posted by: Lauren at January 29, 2011 7:33 PM

Godtapus smiles down,
giving his octablessing
to His Pajibans.

or

Come for the pandas,
stay for the smart sarcasm
and taco dip sex.

Posted by: Kati at January 29, 2011 8:02 PM

Imagined I did
Indeed she thought otherwise
Behold, my schlong.

Posted by: Pookie at January 29, 2011 8:29 PM

Weekend Diversion?
Shout "Palin!" Make the trolls froth.
The thread continues.

Posted by: mswas at January 29, 2011 8:48 PM

Pookie - your schlong doesn't scan. Perhaps "fat schlong?" Or "proud schlong?" Depends what you're going for, I guess.

Posted by: Kati at January 29, 2011 8:50 PM

Oops, let me stick to form:

Your schlong does not scan.
Perhaps "fat" or "proud" would do?
It's your call, Pookie.

Posted by: Kati at January 29, 2011 8:58 PM

Eloquence envy -
wanting off-the-cuff sharp wit -
seriously sucks.

or

Why, yes, you are right,
lessons do go unscored while
I read Pajiba.

Posted by: Kati at January 29, 2011 9:11 PM

Friedberg and Seltzer
Hate-fucking films through "The Aughts"
Mel Brooks loathes you both

Posted by: Vonnegut Slut at January 29, 2011 9:17 PM

Charlie Sheen likes blow
Colombian Nose Candy
Hide your hookers now


Rowles loves Baby Goose
There's a new Ryan in town
Man-crush run amok

Posted by: Vonnegut Slut at January 29, 2011 9:24 PM

Bobbies, yay! boobies
Boobies, boobies and boobies
Fun to say - "Boobies"

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at January 29, 2011 9:33 PM

Scathing reviews - no.
The secret of Pajiba,
the bitchy people.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at January 29, 2011 9:36 PM

Afghanistan, where
My husband kicks ass tonight
Drives the Murdertank.

Posted by: Dingles at January 29, 2011 9:59 PM

Just one thing to say
about this wonderful site -
it's not "Pa-hee-ba"

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at January 29, 2011 10:27 PM

College is her dream
Education cost money
Dance little lady

Posted by: Pookie at January 29, 2011 10:31 PM

Online family
I love your numerous quirks
You dirty monkeys

Posted by: Julie at January 29, 2011 10:34 PM

My wish for this year:
That this comment diversion
NEVER EVER END.

Posted by: Jerce at January 29, 2011 10:50 PM

I love the ladies
Doing blow off of their ass
Proclaimed Martin's son.

Posted by: Pookie at January 29, 2011 10:56 PM

It's too hard to think
of something witty that scans
So I'll just give up

Posted by: leuce7 at January 29, 2011 11:03 PM

Please make Kevin Smith
vanish from Pajiba threads.
Write an app for that.

Posted by: Quiet Qyatt at January 29, 2011 11:21 PM

Whip me, beat me, make
me watch another horrid
Yogi Bear trailer!

Posted by: Quiet Wyatt at January 29, 2011 11:26 PM

Little centipede.
You must wish you could wear pants
When the winter comes.

Posted by: Phaeolus at January 29, 2011 11:38 PM

The name is Perry
I am all up in this bitch
Behold this genius of mine.

Posted by: Tyler Perry at January 29, 2011 11:40 PM

Human Centipede,
Serbian Film, The Woman...
DO NOT WANT, kthx.

Posted by: Quiet Wyatt at January 29, 2011 11:42 PM

Have you seen our lost
fool, Skittimus Maximus?
him -> Whiskey Fountain.

Julie knows cat rape,
jM loving the pandas,
TK hates you all.

Figgy makes choices
about who is the coolest
you should kiss her ass.

Dustin is classy
Daniel is a writing pro
what then is Rob Scott?

Terrible speller
get your ass off my lawn, or
I'ma get texty.

This site named for vag
has the best people ever
to be found online.

xo


Posted by: replica at January 30, 2011 2:13 AM

Alabama Pink
Our Warrior Queen is gone
We remember you

Posted by: CptCrckpot at January 30, 2011 4:08 AM

Start the Murdertank!
A damn human centipede
Was seen in the mists.

---

I (heart) Snuggiepants,
Although the name's not as fun
As Von Beaverplatz.

---

Hosni Mubarak
Needs to start packing his bags:
An-pu is coming.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 30, 2011 6:33 AM

culleningus and
menstrual glitter twitards
pajibaddicted

Posted by: gemmazemma at January 30, 2011 8:05 AM

Reading comment thread
Totally laughing out loud
Then "Pink" and eyes fill

Posted by: mswas at January 30, 2011 8:11 AM

Many comment threads
Do you all just hit 'refresh'?
How do you keep up?

"Five, Seven, and Five,
Now write Pajiba haiku!"
Tater Drill Sergeant

Writing with iPad
That's Pajiba, NOT paju!
Damn autocorrect.

Posted by: Snorklewacker at January 30, 2011 9:03 AM

Badunkadunk thoughts,
Such a pretty camel toe.
Ride my face JLo.

Posted by: Pookie at January 30, 2011 9:06 AM

Story headed with
Yet another Centipede pic
I need brain bleach STAT.

Very confusing,
"," should pick a damn name
Not just a symbol

Reading that over
Guess I don't have room to talk
As Snorklewacker.

Posted by: Snorklewacker at January 30, 2011 9:13 AM

iPad reading, then,
"Click to continue to site."
Why would I want Flash?

Posted by: Snorklewacker at January 30, 2011 9:15 AM

Posted many 'ku
This thread is prolly dead now.
I'll S.T.F.U..

Posted by: Snorklewacker at January 30, 2011 9:17 AM

Keep this thread going!
What better've you got to do
with your dull Sunday?

Posted by: Jerce at January 30, 2011 9:23 AM

Leave my beloved
Entangled in her bedclothes;
Air rich with twin musks.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 30, 2011 9:28 AM

My cat Boudicca
Taken to vet on Thursday;
She's with Bastet now.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 30, 2011 9:31 AM

Morning, Pajiba
I am very confused now
Pookie's not a girl?

Posted by: TheOtherGreg at January 30, 2011 9:58 AM

Sorry for your cat
The Wanderer, I hope she
did not suffer much.

Want to stay home and
read more Pajiba, but I
must go to the gym.

Posted by: Viking at January 30, 2011 10:21 AM

Tater testicle
Is not a prize I desire
Keep it on the shelf

Posted by: TheOtherGreg at January 30, 2011 10:24 AM

Wood in the morning
My old lady is ablaze
Ever deeper will I go.

Posted by: Pookie at January 30, 2011 10:27 AM

All Hail Hypnotoad -
Best show on television
(Better than Palin).

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 30, 2011 11:00 AM

Pajiba: so big
indie flicksters Kevin Smith,
Lucky Mckee read.

Directors kvetch
their crits of criticism
right out their twatters.

Wait--meter check time.
Is "kvetch" two syllables?
Yes. Grammar away!


The grammar nazis
are there, always judging you,
pouncing on the trolls.

Shit stirrers like me
lie in wake, argue merit,
waiting for response.

Response avoided.
Race war breaks out. Oh, sugar.
And Godtopus wept.

Make that figgy wept.
Thank Godtopus she discounts
weekend comment threads.

Even scathing rants
are classier around here.
Eloquence abounds.

Posted by: Robert at January 30, 2011 11:30 AM

Tasty top picture
Reminds me of Goldfinger,
Except she's not dead.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 30, 2011 11:54 AM

The Wanderer's loss,
mourners who know the old names
make the losing less

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at January 30, 2011 12:12 PM

Pajiba is read
See what I did? A word pun
Haiku's are three lines

Pajiba is great
Keeps me smiling while working
Long live Godtopus

Posted by: Kargoyle at January 30, 2011 12:52 PM

In the beginning
I went by a different name
The change, unnoticed

I remember Pink
And I cried when she was gone
Odd to love strangers

Posted by: Young_Grandma_Ben at January 30, 2011 12:55 PM

Thanks for kind wishes;
Friends I have never met, yet
Friends nevertheless.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 30, 2011 1:27 PM

Military porn,
Explosions, boobies, robots -
A Michael Bay film.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 30, 2011 1:29 PM

Been here all morning
Now I'm off to kill Darkspawn
Sunday is awsome

Posted by: Young_Grandma_Ben at January 30, 2011 1:36 PM

Seventy comments
What poor soul is reading mine
So far down the page

Posted by: JohnnyBee at January 30, 2011 1:58 PM

Ghost Rider - what crap!
At least afterwards I can
Enjoy Iron Man.

Posted by: The Wanderer at January 30, 2011 2:18 PM

What Is Pajiba?
See Overlords, Eloquents,
And Rainbow Killers.

What Is Pajiba?
See Panda Rape, R.I.P.
Joshua Jackson.

What Is Pajiba?
See Dildoscar, Scrabble Sex,
Ryan Reynolds’ abs.

What Is Pajiba?
See Twatwaffle, Sugartits,
And Pajibacon.

What Is Pajiba?
Whiskeybabyninjastar,
And sweet Murdertanks.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at January 30, 2011 3:27 PM

I never learned how to make a haiku :(

stupid up-scale white bubble....

Posted by: Marksers at January 30, 2011 5:33 PM

If I recall
was not "comma" bucdaddy?
I've been around too long.

or

Too long yet I'll never stop
Reading thee, Pajiba,
til my eyes bleed.

finally

I never comment til a thread is dead
Not on purpose, I promise.

Posted by: denesteak at January 30, 2011 6:31 PM

Madam, I'm Adam
Rats live on no evil star
Lonely Tylenol

O, stone, be not so
Ah, Satan sees Natasha
No devil lived on

"Naomi," I moan
Not a banana baton
No "x" in "Nixon"

Senile felines
Go hang a salami, I'm
A lasagna hog

Posted by: Kargoyle at January 30, 2011 8:48 PM

The writings of the Pajiba staff
Make me laugh
Oh, and the commenters, too.

I have no idea what I'm doing but I'm also drunk. Seriously.

Posted by: Jadine at January 30, 2011 9:49 PM

*slow claps for Kargoyle*

Wow. You just took it to the next level.

Interesting note: "saippuakalasalakauppias" is apparently the world's longest palindrome and is Finnish for (my hand to Godtopus, I am NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP): "soapfish bootlegger."

What the fuck? The mind reels.

Posted by: Vonnegut Slut at January 30, 2011 10:17 PM

My Pa made soapfish
Locked up by the man for it
damn revenuers

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at January 30, 2011 11:43 PM

Marksers...the Haiku
Five syllables, then seven
Then five one more time

Posted by: superasente at January 31, 2011 7:20 AM

What the fucking fuck?
You guys had a haiku thing?
WHY WASN'T I TOLD?!

Not that I woulda participated or anything...

Posted by: Skitz at January 31, 2011 2:18 PM

Bond-like girl banner
Didn't quite strike my fancy
Should have clicked sooner.

Posted by: Ajoy at January 31, 2011 2:52 PM

So blue, missing your
Paiku contest wont do, late to
the party again.

Posted by: JuiceinLA at January 31, 2011 8:04 PM

i live in shanghai
read ur bits and snips most nights
wo xiao hua hen da!!

Posted by: mockeye at February 1, 2011 12:37 AM