Pajiba

Ah... first?

So are we also including a description of regular contributors? And will this be like Wiki where certain people can go in and add or change the descritions?

I don't recall suggesting jack shit. Why? 'Cause it would involve actual work. And you know how I feel about work... But I am curious about the origins of the whole Taco Dip thing. I don't know if it started in that whole... zombie war (or whatever the hell it was), but it was around that time.

Cunt Hair: A unit of measurement, i.e., "The novel is an unsatisfying length and girth, falling just a cunt hair short of 200 pages, and it never once capitalizes on the premise."

Rainbow Killer See above. Also enjoys eating kittens and baby tears for breakfast.

Excuooooooooooooooooooose me, but that was ME that suggested the dictionary, people. Credit where credit is due.

Now resume your definating.

Named for the Patron Saint of Cocoa Butter: Futurama's Barbados Slim, BarbadoSlim is a man of fine taste and unique appetites. Harboring deep grudges against the management, Slim often lashes out but has been recognized for his ability to keep them in check. If not a friend, he is an ally of Pookie. His greatest foe is TK as BSlim was held captive in the Necromancer's basement for several months of 2008. The situation surrounding his escape is still questioned by Pajiban scholars and as of today his location can only be narrowed down to an obscure Island in the Caribbean.

((This Needs Work. And it's why a wiki might work better.))

Nicely done, Cindy, Optimus, et. al. Anyone wanna take a crack at Godtopus, the Murdertank, Scrabble Sex, and ... er ... the breast club. Also, Bianca Reagan.

I think I was actually the instigator for the Scrabble Sex-iness, after relating an unfortunately true tale about some douchebag stranger trying to hook up with me while playing Scrabulous. Sigh.

Godtopus - the official deity of Pajiba.

The existence of Godtopus was first discovered by Skittimus Maximus (aka Skitz) on February 21, 2008.

Godtopus made its first appearance in the Comment thread for Does My Pajiba Look Infected to You? The Daily Trade Round Up for 2/21/08.

The first allusion to Godtopus is this comment from Skitimus:

Fer all you know, "God" is a giant blue octopus who digs reruns of "Eight Is Enough"... No one knows shit until he/she kicks the bucket, so keep your hate in check bitches, lest the MurderTank be rolling through YOUR town....)

Godtopus' name was shared by Skitimus two days later on the 23rd and also appeared on the above comment thread:

Wouldn't it be a true shitter, however if God WERE a blue octopus and I just totally called it out on this thread... Man what a... what a weird thing that would... I mean, can you IMAGINE? Can you?

I'd be like... well, I guess I made it to heaven and all, but check this out Godtopus, I totally guessed what you were - your TRUE form - like a year ago on a thread discussing infected uh... infected pajiba somethingorothers... Anyhow, is it true there's a endless stack o'pancakes around this place?

From that time forward, Godtopus was accepted and acclaimed by all true Pajibans.

So, there ya go. That's my contribution.

(Movie Title 2): In Your Pants

The definitive name for all movie sequels. Originally, the sequel names were something like (Movie Title 2): Electric Boogaloo, but that name was banned after the Pajibatites got tired of it. Someone (help me out, I don't rememer who) commented on the "In Your Pants" game they used to play while drinking, which was to add "In Your Pants" to the end of any movie title, and the default sequel name was born.

Can anyone shed some light on Sandy Vagina?

I don't think I have the correct body part for that.

First! or First?: An outburst smacking of crippling stupidity and overwhelming lack of creativity, insight or thought, this word is used throughout the web to indicate that one is the first person to comment on a particular entry, while adding nothing at all substantive, interesting or funny to the story.

It is not well-received here at Pajiba. The use of a "First!" post should not be coupled with the expectation of remaining in the discussion without being subjected to derision, merciless mocking, and generally being called stupid and/or obnoxious. Which you are.

i'm pretty sure i never contributed to the formation of anything lasting here (with the awesome exception of getting people to out themselves on FB with Julie and feramones), so I'ma just sit back and cackle at this one.

What is the super-long acronym I can't seem to remember? I believe it had something to do with the true name of the Godtopus...

TOOTBOG?

Yes! TOOTBOG! What's it stand for?

Nevermind, found it:

TOOTBOG: "The Order Of The Blue Omnipotent Godtopus"

You know guys, it isn't that hard to do the wiki thing: I use one to organize my ideas nowadays. I think I can whip something up....

Give me a day or two....

The
Order
Of
The
Blue
Omnipotent
Godtopus.

Don't forget drunk, Saint Saturn Sunshine. Never forget drunk. Although, I guess half of us are that way during the day, too...

Special Valley: Used in reference to (and in reverence of) a woman's naughty bits. (That's her vagina.) Or possibly a salad dressing.

Coined by the lovely and talented Sofia, IIRC, though I do not quite remember when.

Murdertank: The Pajiba vehicular weapon of choice. Salvaged, modified and adapted by the infamous Skitz (link needed) for use in extreme situations calling for massive quantities of alcohol and violence. The Murdertank is equipped with a fully functional whiskey fountain, Bloody Mary bar, ice machine and weapons which cannot be identified here (Pajiba Security Level 5). Warning: the Murdertank may cause injury or death. Commemorative t-shirt available for a limited time.

Here is the link to page with first picture of the murdertank - need a specific link.
http://www.pajiba.com/eloquent-eloquence-040408.htm

Vermillion, I'm pretty sure creating a wiki for obscure vernacular stemming from a movie/pop culture website needs to go in your BatG video. Legit.

MG: Thanks for speaking up. I didn't mean to steal your thunder, but I just love the "In Your Pants" game. It tickles me in a good way.

extraordinary nutsack: a compliment; what most aspire to be.
(origin, TV whore) link below.

Ryan Reynold's abs: Something which Rowles covets in a totally sexual-non-sexual way.

this is fun.

Speaking of the TV Whore, why he no post here no more? Too busy being a law man?

The origin of the MurderTank&trade can be found on the Comment Thread for The Weekly Box Office Round Up for January 28, 2008, I.Am.Shitty

PissBoy started the ball rolling with the first notions of a murder spree, and in true Pajiban fashion, the idea took off from his humble suggestion/plan. I believe that Vermillion coined the phrase "Pajiba Media Murderfest '08," which eventually led to the creation of the MurderTank™. (See Cindy's note on Skitimus Maximus' role in creating the MurderTank&trade).

Food, and of course beverages (of the alcoholic kind), were key aspects of the Murderfest; Kolby started the food discussion and Alex the Odd can be credited for pointing out the need for alcohol.

Twat.waf.fle: n., [twaht-wof-uhl], slang: vulgar.
Date: Coined after the term douchebag was determined to be too cliche to be an effective term of derision (Pajiba Love 10.17.08)
1. A total asshole
2. Synonym for douchebag
3. Skitz's dipshit cousin Conrad

"And all this time I thought "Minnimus" was the name Skitz gave to his dick."

No. That would be Microscopicus Erectoriumus. I'm not ashamed.

Don't be so modest, Skitz. Your dick casts an enormous shadow o'er all Pajibaland. Godtopus himself (herself? itself?) quells at the sight, spewing ropey streams of ink in fear and dread.

Godtopussy: Deity of Paheebans. Mate of the Godtopus. Distinguished from her male counterpart by a prominent Pink Bow and voluptuous boobies.

Would it be too obvious to define Haggis as boiled sheep's stomach stuffed with entrails?
and Skitz, please apologize to Wendel for me....I just realized I misspelled both his name and nickname. My spelling has been generally atrocious for the past month.

Celebutard - (noun) (origin - pajiban) derogatory term used to label those annoying yet ever-present pseudo-celebrities who are famous for

(a) making a sex tape;

(b) being an insanely rich heir/heiress;

(c) having famous parents.

Further indicia which may be present include ridiculous forays into reality television, stints as a 'designer' (eg of handbags, headbands, clothes etc), the release of a ridiculously premature (ghostwritten) "autobiographies" and shameless fame-whoring.

Examples: Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Kim Kardashian, Rumer Willis.

The phrase may also be used to describe those who once appeared to have a modicum of talent, but who have not appeared in anything remotely worthwhile for such a long time that one forgets why they are famous other than from appearing on the cover of US Weekly. Examples: Mischa Barton, Lindsay Lohan.

Ranylt: An inexplicably difficult to parse complete sentence, adhering to the strictest rules of grammar and structure, yet beautifully apt and insightful (antonym: Sarah Palin)

"Jam out with your clam out" - Rollicking partying & libertineism. Equivalent to "Rock out with your cock out." Coined by the Pajebettes, who refuse to be denied simply because they are concave vs. convex.

The Eloquents - Term for Pajiba contributors, link-whores and commenters in mass. Semi-ironic given the - ahem - quality of commentary. Yet, an exalted state. If you have to ask whether you're one of the eloquents, you aren't.

Funbags - A term of endearment about Scarlett Johansen's best asset.

Sootikin anyone? That shit haunts my dreams.

Off topic, but thought this was funny as a bucket full of... I dunno... funny stuff:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pajiba

See? There you've got a common internet problem. It's really difficult to employ derisive wit, along with accusations of self-congratulating assholes who make bad jokes and other character flaws, when you've given yourself a name like Bobby McShankleby, and that's pretty moderate as it is for handles.

That glass house is made of stunt glass. Sugar glass. You've put your ass out in the wind now. You're positive that your joke is better and smarter and truly funny. The same bad stuff happens with bad LiveJournal icons (ohnotheydidnt is a hotbed for this) (animated gif if you're lucky) in unfortunate juxtaposition to the person employing withering nose in the air dismissal of the topic/celebrity at hand.

There are some bizarre high horses on the internet, and irony is certainly not dead. It's just not as deliberate these days.

or a proud fan of Mandy Moore's music

Considering I proclaimed my love for her "Umbrella" yesterday, I'm just going to walk away quietly.

Do splits across the entire dance floor: Standard by which useless talents are measured in terms of ability to drop the slackened jaws of yokels everywhere.

Usage: That girl on ANTM really knew how to work it -- she could do splits across the entire dance floor!

Etymology: From cubicalgirl's comments on the Dancing With The Stars review. And never, ever to be forgotten.

Aw hell. I get my own entry? Sheet, y'all. Mercy me. I'm blushing.

Whiskeybabyninjastar!- The mystical combination of my son (Little Pink), his throwing stars, and TK's beloved firewater. Unleash Whiskeybabyninjastar! and you'll be sure to wreak incredible levels of havoc and mayhem. ( Someone else more industrious than I will have to find the thread in which the term first appeared.)

Bianca Reagan and misogyny must be mentioned in the same entry. Bianca Reagan was a former frequent commenter who was a blogger and self-published author. Her PajibaIdentity also happened to be the name of the main character of her self-published book which also shared the title of her blog (Got all that?). After causing a shitstorm in the comment thread over the her criticism that Superbad was rampantly misogynistic, Bianca mysteriously vanished in self-imposed exile. The thread in all its glory can be found here: http://www.pajiba.com/superbad.htm

She also got an entry on a Pajiba Love about her book:
http://www.pajiba.com/pajiba-love-010208.htm

Am I really your kind of people or am I being tolerated until you find a way to block me?

Again, thanks for putting up with this right-leaner, I love you all.

Hot Pocket. (n.)

1. A woman's business district.
2. Something I would never eat.
3. It's a vagina, dipshit.

Hey Jay,
I just googled him under his pseudonym, and all that comes up is a lame comment under the Cloverfield review. I'm convinced he's just jealous he's not an Eloquent.

Oh, heavens no. I'm not angry. Just talking about bemusement. Getting seriously angry on the internet makes you look and feel silly enough without a goofy name. It's like drunk dialing.

Besides, I'm not criticizing urban dictionary. Where the hell else was I going to find out what the hell Mooj was talking about? That is a valuable resource!

Now you've gone and reminded me of "blumpkin". Oh dear.

No more nightmare fuel! Taint not my love!

Jay, if you don't want people making weird word associations with nether regions, don't use the word "taint." ...Especially with this crowd.

Anyone notice that a good chunk of our jargon is made up of sexual euphemisms? I used to think Pajiba was filled with a bunch of intellectuals, now I know it's probably just a bunch of 15-year-olds.

Also, I kind of want to friend Skittimus on FaceBook to read his profile, since it sounds so intriguing, but, I haven't even joined the FaceBook group. I'm a slacker.

No, you're right, you're right.

SULLY not my love for the female form!

Naw, it's just like Private Joker. You're seeing the grand duality here! Well, except for Ted. I've at least seen a picture of Dustin. You can only take Ted at his aliased word. And the Friend of the Turkey Claw has not responded to my friend request.

I thought we had somethin real. But there is nothing sure in this world. There is nothing pure in this world. I'm gonna have to bite my knuckle in a second. Excuse me.

We need definitions for
1. Spambot
2. Zombie Porn

By the way, the name of Julie's next album is

Hey, the Minimus keeps him busy, I know that. Relationships are built on understanding....but it's hard sometimes!

Sure, I'll have a cookie. Thank you. If I've got anything I guess I've got vocabulary. So everyone here late at night is drunk, then? Me, I just had a night shift today and I'm working at home tomorrow so I haven't even eaten dinner yet, but I haven't cracked open my experimental Yorkshire ale yet. I'm obviously underequipped.

Why's "pulchritude" such an ugly word? They couldn't finesse that one a little more?

RE: Pulchritude

Meh, it makes me frown that they couldn't find I more harmonious word. But, I do love resplendent as a synonym to beautiful, but it has no noun counterpart. And yet they could come up with pulchritudinous! Yeesh.

And thank you for making me look up callipygian. Cheeky!

CHRIST! Why did you remind me of sootikins!!!! GOD DAMN it still haunts my dreams. But also-
Phil: BarbadoSlim's man behind the soundboard, unspeaking, all-knowing.

This thread made smile.

Mighty Pajiban Overlords: our mighty overseers, they who shall not be named.

...Who shall one day be brought down, by my hand.

how 'bout misogyny? can someone please define that?

Posted by: causaubon

No problem, my friend.

"Misogyny" is when, right before intercourse, the man can't find a woman's bipolar hole and pokes around like a blind man with a cane. The woman says, "you missed my vagina", or, "you missed my 'gina", or also, "mis-o-gyna!" (she can't speak correctly due to the frustration she feels at the inability to please her man), and finally, "you misogynistic pig!"

And that's why women become lesbians.

Sofia wins my heart. And the internet.

Sofia I think Stacey had better watch her back (or put you on the payroll) for Websters is truly your bitch!

By the way, the name of Julie's next album is

Wait!! Don't leave me hanging! I need a name! I'M NOT CREATIVE!!!

JULIE'S NEXT ALBUM:

Pajiba's Spectacular, Sextacular, Analacular, Fucktacular, Big Boobed Bonanza Blowout Jazzy Jamboree, Featuring the most Odious, Offensive, Violent, Vitriolic, Vagina-loven Vagabonds, Riff-raff, Scalawags, Zombie-fucken, Panda-rapen, Salaciously-strippen, One-Eyed Go-Go Dancin, Zombie Porn loven freaks... And a Girl Named Julie.

Ha! I forgot about that, you cracked me up with that one.

And that's why women become lesbians.

"You're gonna have to change or you're gonna have to go with girls. You'd be better off, at least they know where to put it".

Mouth breather

An often-used commenter's phrase unfairly grouping together perceived nerds, geeks and other people that someone wants to trash in order to make themselves look "cooler," kind of a 21st-century 'Four eyes' phrase that automatically outs anyone using it as a completely ignorant moron.

I've long wanted to ask the asshats who use that phrase how they manage to breathe out of their fucking EAR CANALS when their nasal passages are stopped up, you goddamned jerks who never outgrew your jr. high years.

"Ha, ha, look at that four-eyed mouth breather who has the audacity to actually want to SEE, and INHALE OXYGEN!! How uncool is that??"

Retire both of those terms immediately if you don't want to look like more of a jerk-off than you've already proven yourself to be.

Okay, I'm working overtime and in a bad mood. The sentiment remains the same, however.

So the Glossary should provide brief bios of at least the following:

Alabamapink
TK
Pissboy
Jay
Vermillion
Pookie
Julie
Sophia
Skitz
Optimus Rhyme
Shadows
Paddydog
Jerce
Meaux
BarbadoSlim
Sarina

and I know I'm missing others ... help?

... and Captain Cunnilingus.
+++
So ... OK, I guess no one else has read "The Professor and the Madman." I'll just slink away now.

*slink slink slink*

Yeah, isn't it cool? I feel humbled by the addition of my name to a list containing such names as Barbado, Pissboy and Paddydog. The people who inspired me to first post. Even Pookie and young Skitz. These are the moments that make me feel accepted.

I appreciate that as well.

*President

Duh!

luckycat, they are marshmallowy, indeed.

Puppy Kick - (v.) Something so upsetting and so heartbreaking, that it's depressingly sad. Derived from the phrase, "You kicked my puppy".

Examples: The death of Cutthroat Bitch, aka Amber, in the House episode "Wilson's Heart", Donna Noble's departure from Doctor Who in "Journey's End".