Pajiba

1) My brother gave me a copy of Twilight. And he wonders why we don't hang out more?

2) As cliched as it sounds, need to lose a few pounds and tighten what's left. Never really got back into my exercise routine after last year's compound fracture, and it shows.

3) To do better than my 8th ranking on the Eloquents with something truly sick and disgusting.

1) Sparkly rhinestone peace sign necklace from my mom. WHAT. The FUCK. It is hideous. And I'm possibly going to have to start wearing the fucker, because she's been pretty obviously hurt that I didn't jump up and down for joy when I opened it and that it hasn't been living around my neck.

2) Yep. To not be good. I have been rigorously following this resolution, and it has resulted in numerous questionable acts. It's also resulted in me unceremoniously ditching frenemies, eating more tasty food, and having WAY more fun in general.

Oh, I also resolved to be the starting jammer for my roller derby team. That one is going to take a little more time.

3) To rule with an iron skate and a velvet fist. Barring that, to live up to the level of funny here.

Crap gift: None. What I did get, rocked. 30 Rock season 2, It's Always Sunny season 3, Lost season 4, Wall-E, Watchmen, and cash.

New Year's Resolution: To graduate.

Pajiba Resolutions: To win a goddamn t-shirt.

1. Holiday gift with which you don't know what to do/must return? The closest thing was another Apples to Apples set, which was only because I received two of them this christmas. This has been resolved by using one for home and one for outside gatherings.

2. Do you have any New Year resolutions? Yes, twelve in fact. I think I need to work on some stuff.

3. Pajiba posting resolution? To win as many awards as possible, starting with #1 on EE. Eventually, being on the year end top 10 post counts would be nice too. Though really, it'd be nice to just make people laugh.

1. I actually did alright, nobody in my family really knows what to do with me, so I usually end up with cash or bookstore giftcards.

2. To spend more time with my 5 dogs and books, and less time with my television and computer. I'm a professional dog trainer, and my dogs sure don't act like they belong to a trainer! I also didn't have time to read when I was in grad school, and I got out of the habit. Cannonball read has inspired me to read again. Since it went up I have read 7 books. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but I work a full-time job and have 5 dogs to take care of. Lay off!

3. I have been lurking around this site every day for several years. I was here way before the government took down the webpage. I have probably only posted 8 or 9 times, ever. I am going to try to be more vocal, so everyone can bask in the supremely dark awesomeness of Blakemas!

1. Crappy gift - an ugly scarf my mother's friend gave me. Iridescent brown shiny things which are gathered and pouffy do not go around my neck. I believe I'll be using it to line the bottom of the birdcage.

2. Resolutions - To write daily. Really write, not just pithy emails and work-related missives. To pick up my violin at least once a week and play it, after 20+ years.

3. Pajiba related resolution? It's not necessarily about posting, but I have to find a way to get to SXSW to meet up with y'all.

1. Bad Gift: Can't compete here. Unless you count the soap on a rope. How the fuck do I use that with my loufa? Oh the fleece pants my mom gets me EVERY YEAR! I have at least 5 pairs.

2. Resolutions: My only resolution this year was: No Resolutions! Let chaos and anarchy reign! As long as it doesn't affect my mental stability. A good resolution always has an escape clause.

3. Pajiba Resolution: To be as completely honest and candid as possible. I will share my inner most thoughts and desires with everyone, regardless of their willingness to hear it. Like the drunk guy at the bar who calls you wife fat, and can't figure out why you're offended, because he'd still hit that.

Fuck, I may have gotten #2 and #3 mixed up. Oh well, time will tell...

1.) A sweater jacket thing. It wasn't too bad, definitely not the worst piece of clothing I've received, but it just wasn't quite right on me. My mom looks good in it, though, so we traded.

2.) Increase my discipline. I used to work out a tone and eat a lot less sugar wise and write, etc. But I've sort of fallen off the good track wagon with the whole graduating thing. So, I'd like to improve an area of my life each week be better disciplining my self to do something that behooves me. This week it's actually doing my reading for class!

3.) Eh, I hoped at one point to get #1 EE at least once, but now I don't care.

1. Holiday gift with which you don't know what to do/must return?

I got only one gift (no joke) that I bought myself with my own money -- my wife let me get a new rollaboard for business trips. Whee! It's better to give than to receive, so quit all yer bitching and start re-gifting.

2. Do you have any New Year resolutions?

Sure. I like to plan for failure.

3. Pajiba posting resolution?

More, baby, more. Quantity over quality. It's the American Way™, right?

CRAP GIFT Trivets. Cork trivets. Plural. You know how there's those ornate, decorative trivets you can use in the event you actually serve food in a casserole dish that's still piping hot and you feel obliged to display it on the table for all to see (as opposed to just plating food for everyone)? Yeah. It's like that, except they're cork. And thin. And from IKEA. And pointless. Too small for use as an actual cork-board, yet big enough to take up an annoying amount of space in the cupboard. WHO THE FUCK GIVES THESE THINGS AS GIFTS! WHO?!

RESOLUTIONS To actively seek out movies that aren't shown in the multiplexes - the shit that typically flies under the radar. To read more. To actually make an effort toward a quasi-career in voice over work. To go through and get rid of shit I haven't used in years or don't see myself using in the near future (i.e. stupid cork trivets...).

PAJIBA RELATED To swear more, post less (but more thoughtfully), destroy Conrad, and to create a plethora of new commenters who everybody immediately despises...

Well then, here it goes, pretty standard:

1. Crush my enemies.

2. See them driven before me.

3. Hear the lamentation of their women.

No particular order.

Because I have two dogs, EVERYBODY gives me stupid dog-themed gifts. Doggie tea towels, cushions with dog's faces on them, silk screen painted pictures of dogs, ett. You'd think they'd learn from the fact that none of the stuff they've given me in previous years/birthdays is EVER displayed in my house. But no, year after year, the dog-themed crap piles up under my Christmas tree. I've even asked them to give donations to dog shelters on my behalf, but the needlepoint dog cushions keep on coming.

Leg Lamp replica from A Christmas Story. Said movie is amazing, but the whole point of the leg lamp is that it is so tacky she breaks it to get rid of it. So why would a I want a scaled down cheap version. Worst part is that my Uncle actually got me some very nice jewelry, but my mom told him to take it back b/c I desperately wanted this leg lamp and could not find it anywhere. Never in my 25 years have a mentioned wanting a leg lamp....so wierd.

GUIDOFEVER, I fucking hate you.

BSlim, will you be rocking the animal-skin loin cloth on you adventures?

1. actually, at this point my parents mostly know what I like, my brother and I by ourselves presents from eachother, and I don't really have anyone else to exchange gifts with, being as my friends and I are all to poor for that shit. My worst gift, however, was a tooth cleaning (would have been fillings too, but fortunately it turned out I didn't need any).

2. exercise more or less daily. but lazy ass excercise, like, 10 minutes of pilates. And graduate.

3. figure out how to use html italics and bold font.

1) Ummm, at the White Elephant exchange at my office, I picked the cool Coca-Cola gift bag. It contained: 1 (one) can of Classic Coke; 1 (one) freebie bucket hat imprinted with Budweiser and Cubs. Any takers?

2) Resolved: to get over my last failed relationship and move on!!! Also, win PowerBall.

3) PajibaGoal: To return to my former posting glory!!!! This past year sucked for me, and thus took my posting quotient into the basement. So watch out, cuz '09 is a dammitjanet kinda year!

1. Holiday gift: A handfull of mini bottles of antibacterial gel from my step-mother. Thanks, you be-mustached harpy, but contrary to popular belief I don't give handjobs to strangers.

2. Resolution: To finally start the process of applying to nursing school. I've been considering it for years, and it's time to get off my ass and do it.

3. Pajiba resolution: To make sweet sweet online love to Skittums. I want it rough, wet, and Wendell free, Mister.

S. Pisaster: For bold, use less than, b, greater than, then the text, then less than, /, b, greater than. Same with italics, only use an i. It looks like this: [b]BOLD WHEE!![/b] only don't use brackets.

Sofia: Done. March is all yours. What movie are you gonna spoof though?

That being said, there are still 10 months up for grab. Get 'em before they're gone.

1. A cheap stocking with something 'witty' like 'Santa, I can explain...' on it. I neither needed nor wanted another stocking (not when I've already got one related to wanting world domination for christmas) and since it's from one of my closest friends, it just screamed 'I can't figure out what the fuck to get you but I didn't want to send another gift card.' Please, friends, I LOVE gift cards.

2. I don't usually do resolutions, but I actually do have two this year. The first is to get back to taking vitamins daily, since I'm an exceptionally picky vegetarian and probably am quite lacking in a lot of those in my diet. The other was actually inspired by Pajiba, by that 'how much of a life do you have?' list thing with how many movies you've seen a couple weeks ago. While many of the movies on that list were crap, it still inspired me to decide that I want to watch everything on AFIs top 100 list.

3. Maybe to post more than twice a month?

3) #1EE. I crave a whiskey-baby-ninja-star t-shirt, but Mrs. Bullet has threatened me with physical harm if I buy any more t-shirts.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at January 7, 2009 12:40 PM

Me too! Does yours also wear the t-shirts to which you are statutorily limited, thus rendering them unavailable/unfindable even as the threat continues to hang over new t-shirt acquisitions?

1. My boyfriend's mom got me a Beyonce CD. Because I'm black, maybe? I don't really know why; I met my boyfriend at a Coheed and Cambria concert, soo... It was a nice gesture, but it's going back to Target.

2. To find my treadmill. I know it's in my room somewhere, but there's a huge pile of clothes in the corner that's obstructing-- oh. Nevermind.

3. To abstain from using actual swear words in my posts and employ more creative and colorful language to show my disgust/disapproval/euphoria. This will be difficult. I LOVE swear words.

1. Holiday gift with which you don't know what to do/must return?

Someone whose title might rhyme with my "smother in saw" might have given me weird slippers that reek of mothballs and a bunch of old pennies. No joke. She's not mentally ill, she just hates me. My whole closet smells like mothballs now and the neighbor kid threw the old pennies into the street on Boxing Day.

2. Do you have any New Year resolutions?

Yes, to figure out a way to get revenge on both my "smother in saw" and my "blister in saw" who puts her up to this shit and hates me more than my "smother in saw" does. The revenge must be AWESOME and it must not be able to be traced back to me, EVER.

3. Pajiba posting resolution?

NUMBER ONE IN OH NINE BITCHES!!!

1. Christmas figurine and bejeweled bookmark from brother and sister-in-law. The gifts are OK, but I got a ton of Christmas collectables and bookmarks already. I gave them gift cards. I wish they would return the favor.

2. The usual: Exercise more, eat healthy, clear clutter, and get to work on time. I'm not usually truly late, but I get there just under the wire.

3. Make the EE list again. I've made it only once, but there are so many witty, funny commenters that I probably shouldn't get my hopes up.

Julie, I'm a nurse, and if you are as awesome in real life as you are in the comments, I would love to have you come work on my unit. I'm the snarky, bitchy one there, and I think you and I would get along just fine.

1. Holiday gift with which you don't know what to do/must return?
-mini bottle of Elizabeth Arden's Red Door hand lotion from my grandmother. I'm sure she got it as a gift from someone else and didn't like it. I don't want it either. It smells like my grandmother.

2. Do you have any New Year resolutions?
-Get married. That's all. If I get that, then I'll be happy. I just want to get married, damnit!

3. Pajiba posting resolution?
-Get Prisco to admit he loves me as much as I love him. Or at least get him to give me some pudding. I want pudding, damnit!

Oh and another shot at EE. Been there twice. Need one more.

1. Gift I'm Not Sure I Want: Space Quest 6. It was very nice of my roommate to give it to me, but I don't want to go to the trouble of getting an old DOS game to work and then find that I don't like it anyway because it's targeted at 12 year olds.

2. New Years' Resolution: Well this one's weird. I've been wanting to lose weight forever, but I'm not the type to act on things like that. I work at a school, and Christmas Break took a mighty chunk out of my paycheck, so now all I can afford to eat is two bowls of spaghetti per day until I next get paid (two or three weeks from now). Maybe I can get used to this and end up losing weight.

3. Pajiba Resolution: I'm going to read some of those books y'all recommended. I hardly read anything that isn't online or a comic book anymore, so it's high time I start with books again.

Oooh, Jeremy, what's this calendar wotsit?

And, can I be Miss September?

Those are some pretty tall aspirations Cyn..thia...

Eh, if Skitz can do it with some paraphrased bullshit about me being his golden ponygirl, I can come up with something.

Aw, thanks rlr! I'm terrified of nursing school (what if I catheterize someone and miss the pee-hole? THESE are the things I think of), but I desperately want a job where I make a difference and nursing has always always appealed to me. I love science. And people. And medicine. My mom is a hospice nurse and loves it...I really just need to do it.

Crappy Gift: None. The boy and I got married and went on our honeymoon in Mexico in December and had a blast. After we spent our load and returned to normalicy we were blissfully unaware that Christmas was almost upon us, so we sorta ignored it. I got my parents cool stuff like frozen lobster tails and king crab legs because they never spend money on themselves and that was pretty much it.

My Resolution: The usual... read more books, go on more jogs, give a shit about what spews from my mouth when I drink heavily. Or learn not to care.

Pajiba Resolution: Get more people to make meat references in their posts. And of course, post more my own self.

1. Great gifts this year, so no complaints.

2. I kind of want to quit smoking, but really don't. We'll see what happens. Anyone know if this citrus nicorette is any better than the regular stuff?

3. Hmm...I'm okay with being an occasional commenter .

admin, if you are into crafty shit, you can do an abstract wall cork board with those trivets. Seriously, here's an example on Design*Sponge
http://www.designspongeonline.com/2008/06/sneak-peek-summer-of-fawn-forest.html

1. I didn't really get anything beyond the pale this year. Generally, I keep something like that for a while and then give it to charity.

2. I want to start reading more challenging books. I feel that I'm always staying right in my comfort zone (U.S. or British authors, books post-dating the Second World War, etc.). I also want to be more facile with world events. Yes, I read enough to not be mortified ("Wait - there was violence in Mumbai?!"), but I could absolutely be more educated on that front.

3. I used to comment more, but I have a job where I actually have to do work now. Sucks.

I also want to be more facile with world events. Yes, I read enough to not be mortified ("Wait - there was violence in Mumbai?!")

What's a "Mumbai"?

Bad gift: A necklace from my mother which she showed to me before Christmas, and I told her I didn't really like it, and she could return it. Christmas Eve she tells me she wants me to have it. Maybe she lost the receipt.

Resolutions: Lose the 8 pounds I've gained since Thanksgiving. As Soto said, 8 fucking pounds!

Pajiba resolution: Make some comments other than comment diversions and drooly remarks on The Statham. I need to diversify, bitches!

1. Return the clothes that don't fit/ I would never wear anyway

2. I really want to run a marathon in 2009. I was supposed to run one in October, but I got mono in July and that kind of put training on hold for a while. Also, I want to do more theater.

3. I'm not witty and I probably won't ever be on EE, so my Pajiba-related resolution is strictly Cannonball Read. As in, I really want to finish the CR and not let the tedium of writing reviews make me want to quit (I'm pretty lazy)

1. A small calendar/planner from my dad and his girlfriend. They were thoughtful enough to get a green one since it's my favorite color, but I don't think they understand what a Blackberry does or I wouldn't have received this gift. Not god awful, but also no useful for me at least.

2. I made a lot of them but instead of starting on the 1st I am going to start tomorrow. No reason really just that January 8th sounded good to me.

3. I think I will continue to lurk and only post if I have an anecdote to add to the discussion.

1. My mother gave me some fucked up, cheap ass, ugly as hell earrings from Avon. I don't know how to tell her that they're hideous, so I just put them in the drawer with the crap from last year.

2. To get my fat ass to the gym. I'm still carrying the baby weight even though my daughter is 4 1/2, so it's about fucking time. Also, to give up the "f-word" which is gonna fucking suck because I love to say "FUCK".

3. To read the music reviews. I usually just skip over them and go right for the movie/tv reviews, but I'm going to do better.

Optimus, as a stringently hetero-sexual male (except when it comes to hetero man love), I would like to request that you take that picture. It would not be hard to explain as you have already done so, and we are used to your creative endevours. But please wear a Darth Vader mask.

It would kick much ass.

Thank-you.

1. Got an Iggy Pop and the Stooges CD. Can't decide where to file it. I think it goes somewhere between Phil Collins and the Starlight Vocal Band.

2. Stop eating deep fried chocolate covered sticks of butter by the gross.

3. Distinguish myself from my pajiba parents, Bucdaddy and BarbadoSlim. There was an ugly custody battle when they split up but after they were both found with a goat, an armadillo, an used KY finger vibrater and gimp full body regalia, I think I'll go at it on my own for a while.

1) Bad gift; 15 dollar Gamestop certificate. What video game can you buy for 15 dollars?

2) Resolutions offline; head back to gym to get strength back after cripiling my knee by sublexing it. Also, improve grades.

3) Pajiba resolution; see if I can write for this site, get listed in comment of the week.

Maybe I could talk about video games, with a site filled with as many geeks as this, it is needed. Plus, some games deserve a good scathing. (I'm looking at you Ghost's and Goblins)

they were both found with a goat, an armadillo, an used KY finger vibrater and gimp full body regalia

Heeeeeee!! And I didn't know they sold those vibrators at the drugstore until this weekend during a trip to CVS with my old roommate. We were howling.

1. Craptastic Gift Amazingly, I didn't get one this year. My dad's loony tunes stepmother (who normally provides the insane gifts like a jar full of pennies) actually came through with s pair of slippers that are cozy and don't look zany.

2. Resolution To live, live, LIVE. And live to the fullest I possibly can.

3. Pajeeb Resolution I need to regain my position on the top posters list. Fuck this cancer shit for keeping me off the site and posting.

2. Stop eating deep fried chocolate covered sticks of butter by the gross.

Now why in heaven's name would you want to do that!?

1. Can I just say how sick I am of potholders??? Who gives POTHOLDERS as a gift.
I really have nothing to return, nor do I have anything (totally) useless. However, I received a very nice bottle of merlot that I plan on re-gifting since red wine triggers my migraines.

2. Write down everything I eat. Don't lose my temper in front of my students. Pray. (Laugh all you want, sinners).

3. Pajiba posting resolution? No resolution, just need to cut the cord with my Facebook account and spend more time around here.

Whoa whoa whoa, bucslim, in what bizarro universe does Iggy motherfucking Pop belong with Phil Collins and the Starlight vocal band? I'm sorry, but I may have to give you a beatdown for insinuating that.

Pookie, you know what you look like to me with your posts for attention and your cheap words? You look like a rube. An unscrubbed, homophobic rube. That hard-assed exterior you've tried so desperately to shed - pure south Miami. All those sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars, while you could only dream of getting out. Getting anywhere, and look where you are. All the way to the P-A-J-I-B-A.

1) I really didn't hate anything I got this year, except a duplicate Clinique lip gloss, but the airline baggage handler managed to pry open one of my suitcase pockets and the original lip gloss disappeared, problem solved.

2) Figure out what the hell is making me so sick, the whole "it'll pass with time" approach I took in '08 proved fruitless. (I'm on my way to actually completing a resolution, I already booked my appointment!)

3) Maybe I should actually read other people's comments, so I can respond to something instead of just posting into the abyss.

Late to the party, but whatever.

1. Nothing to return because CHRISTMAS WAS EFFING AWESOME. Mr. Pea and I bought each other a 42 inch flat panel TV, PS3, and surround sound system. Awesome sound shakes our tiny city house (and to my neighbours: I'm not really sorry if it shakes your house, too). Family bought us a bunch of Blue-Ray movies and PS3 games (and then on top of that, they all spoiled me with money for new clothes for my awesome new job).

2. Stop eating everything in sight. Seriously, my pants are in serious jeopardy of splitting at the seams and my one sad pair of fat pants are looking mighty comfy.

3. Umm... I guess my Pajiba resolution would be to start actually posting/reading again. I think I've been gone for about six months, and I miss you guys.

And figgy gets September. 9 left, bitches.

- All my gifts were amazing. My 5-year-old daughter, however, received one perplexing gift - a pair of white jeans. True, they were so cute with the accompanying shirt, but seriously, who buys white jeans for a preschooler?

- My resolution is to build on last year's successes - get into a master's program now that I'm a graduate, run a half-marathon now that I've done a 5K, etc. Also I'm going to try very, very hard to allow my neighbors to live.

- Pajiba-wise, I'd like to try and sit at the adult table for just one thread, participating in just one intelligent and tastefullly tasteless exchange.

1. My mum gave me some Chip & Dale pyjamas, and I look like I'm a toddler. It's sad.
2. My resolution at work (The staff recs bay) was to get into law school. Maybe I'll try the LSAT again. Other than that, I want to buy a new car and get me a man and write something substantial, a short story or book, but this time actually finish it. That and go to the doctor and get fixed.
3. I'd like to make the Eloquents for once, but truthfully, I wouldn't mind just feeling included.

1. I didn't exactly receive too many gifts this year, and some of it was just money, and that's fine with me. No stinkers this year, which is amazing, considering my mother-in-laws record.

2. Be more brave. That's it. Vague enough to include anything.

3. I'm more or less a lurker, so I don't really expct much to change in the recognition department.

Hurrah! I will pose wearing nothing but cupcakes.

Why the hell do I have cupcakes in my brain today?

Who cares, it fits.

1) All of my gifts were topical and appreciated.

2) Something regarding my job.

3) My goal at Pajiba is to post something so heinous, so angry-making and soul searing that it will cause on of the eloquents to abandon the site, never to return again!

Cupcake stands come in handy for kids' birthday parties. I've seen them used multiple times there. I've actually considered buying one solely for that purpose.

1)A mini key chain digital picture display, like the bigger ones that middle aged women everywhere display in their homes, that only functions with Windows based computers and I have a Mac.

2)Resolutions are pointless. But I did happen to start exercising again at the beginning of the year, but the fact that it was the new year was in no way relevant to this decision.

3)I like greer's idea on this one, so I'm going to go with that too.

And figgy gets September. 9 left, bitches.

Mr. Feist, I would like to apply for January. I rock a mean pair of moose antlers and when they are combined with my authentic snow shoes, wooley socks and hockey stick I have been told that I am irresistable*. I feel that I would bring a seductive and sexy beginning to the new year.

Happy 2010 bitches.

*To bears.

That got a deep belly laugh out of me, Che. But the university parties really aren't your scene anymore, I'd imagine.
I'd try to make you feel welcome but it's hard with Ruth's cold unforgiving eyes. (Like dolls' eyes)

I'll be happy to send you mine, katy. I'm thinking they'd dry out pretty quickly.

Hey! I already applied for December, Shay! I just didn't bold Jeremy's name... Damn! My laziness probably cost me my month! Curses! *shakes fist at sky*

Unless you wanna... you know, pose together...

Good catch my friend. I guess my PajibOscar is still off in the distance.

I might consider busting out my ridiculous sequined red tube-top and equally ridiculous spiked collar for this calendar thing, but only if one of the Pajiboys agrees to do a super-man pose while wearing tighty-whities and tube socks. For some reason that image is hilarious to me.

Or, alternatively, I could spend forever reading through things and post after Jeremy has already offered us a place. Ok, if we're going with different gender versions, can I shotgun Manly March? That's the month of St. Patrick's Day, and I have a leprechaun hat, a bottle of Jameson and an annoyingly Irish complexion that could be combined in some fashion.

Also, oiled manservants sound delicious. We should have those every day.

AvonB, I think I need to migrate to a country where this accent/skin-tone/love of whiskey will actually benefit me in some way. Over here, it's just too commonplace. So basically, what I'm saying is that if you feel like eloping any time soon, I'm totally open to options. Being 21 and in college, my net worth is roughly three buttons and a packet of pasta. I believe that will buy us exactly 0 houses. You?

As for the manservants, yeah, they're amusing at first, but then they get all whiny and want to, like, go outside or see their families or other such stuff, when I still have grapes to be peeled and a fan that sure as hell won't fan itself. Such selfishness!

Jeremy, yay! Thank you for man-March! You won't regret this, I promise.

2. Do you have any New Year resolutions? Yes since I turned 40: no pop, beer, or fast-food.

Question: In what place do you live, dear richmac, where soda is called pop.

Question 2.0: You are talking about soda, right?

Nah, the orphan ones keep asking for more gruel, even though I keep trying to explain that it'll ruin their waistlines.

Ah, credit cards. I considered getting one (the student-oriented banks are real eager to push them onto us) but given that I lack impulse control and a long-term income, it seemed like a bad idea.

As for the pasta, it's penne. Roma brand. A quick scan of my cupboard and fridge also revealed a can of tuna, three digestive biscuits, half a jar of honey, a squeezy tube of mayonaisse, one sachet of chicken soup and half a block of cheddar cheese. Giggedy. But to be fair, it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not. We've got each other, and that's a lot. For love, we'll give it a shot!

Damn Pookie, you are on a bizarre roll today. This is why you need to join the facebook madness.

Best wishes to you and your father Pookie.

I love you too Pookie.

You fucking cunt.

Jeremy vuck yeah, what am I in, the calendar? OH YEAH. I shall be in front of the Gigli background! Wearing a feather boa and dentures clamped on to my nipples!

Pookie I'm gonna be looking for you at SXSW my man. I'll be the 30 something woman whose conventional appearance does not at ALL match her irreverent personality. We'll throw back a few shots and then I'll discourse long and hard on the finer points of the best blow job a person can give. Because I know these things and should write a book.

(There will NOT be demonstrations. In case anyone's wondering. I've never been that drunk.)

Absolutely, my man. Absolutely.

I need to be punished, but good.

1. "Fact or Crap." It was fun when we had eight people in a room. I'm not sure what Mrs. Daddy and I are supposed to do with it the rest of the year.

2. Resolutions? Do I look like I need any fuckin' resolutions? *sigh* OK, here's one: To finally straighten out who it is I'm supposed to hum at noon every Tuesday, Anna von Beaverplatz or Anastasia Beaverhausen. I get so confused. (I'm hoping it's the latter, so maybe I can hum the tweener too.)

3. Seriously? The damn shirt, of course. The Holy Grail.

Wait wait wait wait wait. Let me see if I have this straight now: you have pasta, honey, AND cheese currently in your cabinets (and digestive biscuits. I don't know what those are. Is it like a cookie? I love cookies. Also crackers, so that's cool too.); you like Buffy; you're young and Irish and adorable; AND you're quoting Bon Jovi lyrics to me (did you know I'm a Jersey girl, or is that a coincidence? Not a Jersey girl like you see in the movies, though, I like to think I have some intelligence and not just rocks in my head. Also, we don't really talk like that)?!

I'm fairly certain you're my soul mate. Halfway there, indeed.

It just goes to show you... keep an open mind. You just never know. Now, will we be eloping to Ireland? I've always wanted to see it. My Nana grew up there, until her family moved to England when she was 6. Or are you going to be a Jersey boy?

Hm, I haven't read any of these Stephanie Plum novels... maybe I should, for the sake of accuracy.

Ooh, tropical island, maybe? Nothing too too warm, though. I don't like to sweat. Unless it's for a good reason. I hear San Diego is 70 degrees and sunny all year long... Frankly, the Jerz has been covered in rain for the better part of this year, and I've had enough.

Oh, and don't fret, pet, I am all about reformed hookers and crazy grandmas. Hee!

Please adopt us. We won't make much of a mess and we'll try our hardest to keep your television, movies, PS3 and liquor cabinet company during the afternoon while you're away at work.

Dangit, one post into the new year and I'm already late to the party again.

Skitz - if you're still reading this (likely no one is any more) - if you move to Toronto, we'll adopt you and you can play PS3 with Mr. Pea until you both go blind.