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My Irrational Celebrity Love

By Mrs. Julien | Comment Diversions | January 12, 2013 | Comments ()


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We've discussed dead famous people we'd like to bang. So how about living famous people we unconditionally love?

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1. Cher because she's FU*KING CHER!

"I've had the same cheeks my entire life. No butt lifts. No ribs removed ... If I want to put my tits on my back, it's nobody's business but my own."

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Cher is, and always has been, her own person. She's going to do what she wants, when she wants, and she does not care what you think. I love the way she dresses, and when she was Oscar nominated for Silkwood, I wanted her to win just so I could see what she was wearing.

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2. Dolly Parton

And not just because she entered, and lost, a Dolly Parton Drag Queen contest. She lifted herself out of poverty and then turned around and created employment for the people she grew up around. Dolly has a foundation that gives books to children. The first book they all receive is The Little Engine That Could.

While that's nice and all, my irrational love comes from who she appears to be in interviews: Whip smart, sincere, and fun. How anyone can be simultaneously so plastic and so real is beyond me, but I love her for it.

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Buffy Summers Bonus from IMDb: Although she was not credited by name, one of the executive producers of Buffy the Vampire Slayer was the country singer Dolly Parton, who had a production partnership (called Sandollar Entertainment) with Sandy Gallin, who had managed Parton's career.

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3. Mick Foley

I am being serious, and stop calling me "Shirley."

We watched the documentary Beyond the Mat several years ago and he's had my admiration ever since. He seems like a genuinely warm and kind teddy bear of a human being trapped in the body of a wild man.

Read Foley's explanation of how Tori Amos changed his life. You'll love him, too. (Slate)

I asked Mr. Julien this week's question and he responded, "I would kill to meet Pete Townsend. Okay, not kill, but I would hold a really big bake sale".

So what perfect stranger do you adore? We'll judge you, but you're used to that.




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • TheOriginalMRod

    Mel Gibson.

  • Jamie

    Mick Foley is my BFF and he came to my wedding and did a reading for us. He is the best. He is as nice as he seems. But more so.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I don't know if you'll be back, but you mentioned this a long time ago, you lucky bastard, and even shared a photo. It was then it first occurred to me that this should be an SRL or diversion.

  • logan

    How can you love celebrities? They're not real.

  • Mrs. Julien

    That's why it's irrational.

  • Az

    Your list is pretty much perfect. Love Moss Dolly, love Cher. And Mick Foley's work for and with RAINN makes him a hero. I'd add Spanish singer/actorMiguel Bosé with whom I've been fascinated since I was twelve and Chilean writer Marcela Serrano.

  • Zirza

    Josh Groban.

    Ordinarily I'd deny it at gunpoint, but I have some of his songs on my iPod, sandwiched between all the hipster indie Pitchforl-approved Closer Musics and Iron and Wines of this world, and I enjoy them with barely concealed glee.

    Also, he cracks me up. He was funny on Glee (the one episode of Glee that I saw) and downright hilarious on Never Mind The Buzzcocks.

    Even Simon Amstell had a bit of a crush, so I feel somewhat justified. But still.

  • wojtek

    This is a fresh one for me, a few months ago I randomly saw some interview with Pink, and fell madly in love with her. I could listen to her talk for hours. She's just hilarious. Musically it's not my cup of tea at all, but I bought into the whole package so completely, that I - a grown-ass man, with chest hair and stuff - will now totally rock out to some song about that asshole trying to hook up with me when I JUST WANT TO DANCE ALONE

  • Return of Santitas

    I have an undying love for Ani Difranco and if I was ever able to meet her, would probably just stare at her like Troy did to LeVar Burton on Community. Her music and her work changed my life. However, this love is rational. It makes perfect sense.

    Irrational? Russell Crowe. I would tear the town up with that burly, aggressive, jackass. We would get drunk and throw rocks through people's windows. He would get arrested and I would bail him out. We would be like McNulty and Bunk. I feel strongly that being friends with him would bring out all of my bad behavior that lurks below the surface and that it would be SO FUN.

  • anikitty

    Me too, on the Ani (completely shocking, given my screen name). And while I don't love the new music as much as when I started listening in the 90s, I still download all the new stuff and go to every concert that I can. Most recently Bloomington. We were in the upper balcony and I turned to wakkokitty (my other half) and said "her boobs are bigger;" she's pregnant. My favorite concert was Atlanta when I was in the front row and she sweated and spat on me (accidentally) or in Buffalo when she performed with the orchestra. I've said too much!! I must hide now.

  • Quatermain

    An evening spent drinking with Gerard Butler or Colin Farrell would probably end up the same way. It wouldn't be good for your health or your wallet, but damn if it wouldn't be fun.

  • kirbyjay

    Not a celebrity but Damien Echols. What he has been through (18 years on Death Row for a crime he didn't commit) and the fact that he doesn't want to bash people's brains in amazes me. He is spiritual and peaceful but he still loves his tattoos and horror movies. He hasn't changed who he is even though his appearance and interests are what helped get him convicted. He is also a talented artist and writer and educated himself by reading thousands of books in prison. I finally met him last week at a book signing and he was everything I hoped he would be, and very funny too.

    Damien's wife, Lorri Davis. Her smile lights up a room and she dedicated 15 years of her life researching his case and helping him get out of prison
    Steven Hyde. I know he's fictional but his sarcasm, suspicion of the man, and coolness covers up a guy who underneath, will always do the right thing. I really want to smoke some weed with him.

  • jen

    childhood celebrity love: alan alda, johnny cash (although my mom will tell you i loved sonny bono when i was 4 yrs old. it's a damn lie!)

    teenage celebrity loves: david letterman, morrissey, billy joel

    college celebrity loves: adam duritz, hunter s. thompson, alice walker

    adulthood loves: all of the above (still), tina fey, bill murray, rachel maddow, amy sedaris, will oldham, carrie brownstein

    but if i had to pick just one, it would be tom waits

  • Erich

    Of course you like him;
    Foley is God.

  • HerGuyWednesday

    Currently Alia Shawkat.

  • Laura Dern.

    When Billy Bob was cutting a record at Sun Studio, it was my treat to play host to his wife Laura Dern and show her around town. We went to a couple of tourist attractions, went to look at the river, I took her to Saint Jude's hospital and she visited the sick kids and wrote a huge check to the hospital, and we had lunch.

    I'm still in love.

  • Bodhi

    Dolly- For all the reasons already listed.

    Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson- because he has the most beautiful smile & he is in on the joke. And I love calling him Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

    Guy Pearce & Hugo Weaving- Because I saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert when I was 13 & just starting to realize that I was a weirdo

    The Band (even though a lot of them are dead)- Because my first serious tilt-the-axis-of-my-world experience was the first time I heard the Last Waltz

  • Lee Pat

    Mick Foley came to Singapore for a book promo and I had him autograph a book for my husband for a surprise gift (to the hubby, not to Mr Foley). He was funny and sweet and very very sincere, the hubby was ecstatic about the gift, and the book was pretty darn funny too.

    As for irrational love, I adore the wrestler Steve Austin for no reason other than that he has a wicked grin and a wickeder sense of humor. And I'm not even into wrestling much!

  • Puddin

    Wouldn't irrational love imply some sort of shame for loving that celebrity? If that's the case, I totally have mine-Celine Dion. Eff the haters-she has the voice of an angel. I just won't listen to her music with the windows rolled down. Partially because I'm embarrassed, and partially because yoooure heeere, there's nooooothing to feear!

  • Mrs. Julien

    Irrational as in, "I don't actually know them, I've never met them." Irrational versus unconditional was an internal debate.

  • I'm lucky enough to have met and spent some time with Dolly and Mick. You will never meet nicer people.

    Cher, I love you, but I really miss your original nose.

  • Jerce

    Yoko Ono.

    The woman responsible for "Cut Piece" and so many, many other things. The woman who introduced me to "feminism" when I was nine years old and the word feminism didn't exist, by never being anything but herself, tiny and strong.

    Un-con-fucking-ditionally. Woman changed my life. For the better.

  • Connie Britton because she seems so smart, funny and genuine. And, let's face it, I really REALLY want to find out what her hair secrets are...

  • Captain_Tuttle

    I'm with you on the Dolly thing - plus, I would need to make her laugh. Her laugh makes me giggle.

    Bernadette Peters. I adore her, unconditionally. Same goes for Mandy Patinkin.

  • pajiba

    Keri Russell.

  • Captain_Tuttle

    I got my hair cut next to her once. Does that count?

  • catagisreading

    Depends which hair cut....

  • Captain_Tuttle

    It was post-Felicity, so she had her lovely locks back. She's even prettier in person than she is on TV.

  • Mrs. Julien

    The Dorothy Hamill?

    I actually know someone who still has the Dorothy Hamill.

  • Tell your husband that I had a great conversation with Pete Townsend in an elevator in the late 70s. We talked about nuclear power and where he could buy Levis (which were hard to get in Britain at the time, apparently). I was 17 and may have stuttered at first. I never mentioned his band. He ignored the guy in the elevator who did. Townsend was gracious and weary, smart, and opinionated about politics. I thought his wife, who was there, must be the most patient woman in the world. When we got to the lobby, security tried to drag me out of the hotel, but Townsend asked them if they could be a bit more gentle, please. His wife thanked me for being polite, by which I guess she meant not fawning or drooling. He was so very human that it changed how I looked at "stars."

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Just how long was that elevator ride?

  • About 13 floors, though it stopped four times. It wasn't a long conversation, just a good one.

  • Rocabarra

    Rob Zombie and Alice Cooper. For all the grotesque craziness they are known for, they both seem like they would be such nice, down-to-earth, likeable guys. The fact that they have both been with their wives for decades makes me love them so much more. 100% classy.

  • Kathleen Allen

    have you seen the 'never mind the buzzcocks' that alice hosted? coolest/nicest guy ever. ya just wanna sit back and listen to his stories all day. and noel fielding feels the same way, so it's true.

  • Zirza

    YES. WATCH BUZZCOCKS, PAJIBANS.

    It's right up Pajiba's alley. Between the bitchy snark of Simon Amstel and the quasi-innocent surrealism of Noel Fielding it's got a little something for everyone.

  • Kathleen Allen

    the one with richard ayoade hosted? best. ever. or simon amstell. or david tennant. or john barrowman--barrowman!!! and any of the eps with paloma faith and noel is sure to be a cute/quirk off. and phil jupitus is always awesome.

  • Rob Zombie is a VERY down-to-earth person. I had the privilege of meeting him at a concert when I was a wee rocker babe, just getting into the "heavy" music of White/Rob Zombie. I also managed to see him at Ozzfest 2005 in Mountain View, CA. Such a cool guy.

  • Matty Blue

    Jane Pauley...she was a guest on Letterman, probably 20 years ago, and I just fell for her. Bright, funny, attractive.

  • tmoney

    Britney Spears. Now and forever. I think a lot of this has to do with that we are the same age and I wanted to be her so bad when I was 16, but I love her no matter how crazy her behavior. She has struck out with men (and jobs) time and time again, but the girl just wants people to like her, and I can't hate on that.

  • pnnylne

    Irrational Celeb Love:

    Courtney Love: I know she's a batshit drug addled mess but I can't help but love her and Live Through This is a classic.

    Bruno Mars: Saw the dude live. Funny, charismatic, talented and sweet.

    Pete Doherty: Don't judge. I just want to clean him up, feed him soup, and give him space to make good music again.

  • poopnado

    I used to have a strange obsession with Jenna Fischer. I read her myspace (!) updates and her blog, and she just seemed like such a cool person. But the Office's downward spiral makes me sad, and although I'm sure she's just as amazing as ever, I don't really follow her anymore.

    I pretty much feel the same way about Tina Fey. Hilarious, whip smart, adorable, kick ass lady, but I hate what has happened to 30 Rock and that has tainted my view of her.

    DONALD GLOVER. That man is...I need that man.

    Oooh, Alison Brie, and Nick Offerman. So basically anyone that is on NBC shows. Or OOHH James Marsters. SPIKE FOREVER.

  • Siege

    Those are all perfectly rational celebrity loves. They seem like decent people who live their lives as masters of their own destinies, both expressing their creativity and helping others as much as possible.

    An IRRATIONAL celebrity love would be like mine: Nic Cage and Jason Mewes. I just love them and want to snuggle them endlessly.

  • badkittyuno

    Nic Cage. A million times over.

  • Mrs. Julien

    TIM GUNN!

  • Bodhi

    I'll take Jason while you're busy with Nic

  • Mrs. Julien

    I'm racking my brain for an irrational one. Emma Thompson? Rational. I'll ask Mr. Julien.

  • I want to have Emma Thompson's baby. Or be her baby. Or just live across the street from her. Or sit in a chair she once sat in.

    She is so adorable!

  • James Hetfield from Metallica. Purely and unconditionally, I've adored that man since I discovered the band in 2000. I try to see every Metallica show when they come to these parts. I just love him, his backstory, his work ethic, everything. Even at 49, I think he's got a bangin' bod as well.

    Seconded on everything in the article as well -- Cher's a firecracker and no one can touch Dolly, and when I was into wrestling, The Rock (he would've been up there with Hetfield, but my love for Hetfield is everlasting) and Mick Foley were my favorites.

  • Jezzer

    I don't know, I think a convincing argument could be made that "Load" was the most appropriate album title ever.

  • I actually like that era of new stuff. The new new era tests my patience, but my love is still there.

  • Zirza

    Hetfield, oh god yes Hetfield.

    I also fell a little bit in love with The Rock after seeing him on the Jonathan Ross show. He was full of self-deprecating wit and he was genuinely funny. Did not see that coming.

  • I read The Rock and Mick Foley's biographies when they first came out. Such good reads and you learn so much about them.

  • Natallica

    Metallica was, is, and will be forever my all time favorite band. I saw them two times in three days when they came to Argentina in 2010. And I've had an enduring crush on Hetfield since I was 17.

  • Quatermain

    Seconded on the love for Metallica. I was even on their side during that whole Napster thing because fuck those whiners. If you were real fans, you'd be paying for their music and not stealing it. And yeah, it is stealing, regardless of whatever sophistries you come up with rationalize it.

    Mick Foley is on my list as well. We part ways on politics, but I can't not respect a man who has given what he's given to the business. His Hell in a Cell match with the Undertaker is one of my all-time favorites.

  • kirbyjay

    I totally agree with the not stealing music thing, but how many times do you have to buy the same record when the technology changes? I've had albums, cassettes and cd's of the same song so when Ipods came out, I helped myself to a few on Limewire until they posted the window that it was copyright infringement.

  • Jezzer

    If I own an album, I have absolutely zero qualms about converting tracks to MP3s, copyright whining be damned. The RIAA's all, "The artist didn't intend for it to be used like that." Well, the artist probably didn't "intend" for the record company to eat 97% of the profit for the artist's work, either, so suck it.

  • Metallica's the only band whose CDs I've bought consecutively, mostly because they have a ton of good shit (live and studio) and because a lot of people post the Finnish metal band Am I Blood as Metallica. Not complaining, since they're awesome, too, but it made the searching difficult.

  • BWeaves

    I find it interesting that most of these lists contain old people, because we're hep! I mean hip. I mean groovy, far out, cool, what the hell do young people call it these days?

  • Pajiba_Pragmatist

    Actually, it's probably because very very few young people are truly interesting. Young people can be brilliant, fierce and inventive, but they are rarely nuanced.

  • I used to work as a tour guide at Sun Studio, so I met tons of rocks stars. As a rule, the older they were, the nicer they were. It was the young up and coming wanna-bees who were dicks. They were the ones who demanded special treatment and freebies.

    Paul McCartney bought a ticket and took the tour with the rest of the folks.

    Carl Perkins, who any of your guitar gods would tell you is his guitar god, was there doing a book signing. He went to get a cup of coffee. He asked if he could get me one.

    But some of the young folks were cool too. Ani Difranco and Henry Rollins left me swooning at how charming and sweet and nice they were.

  • Jezzer

    I always suspected Henry Rollins was a good guy. He used to be nice to the gays back when celebrities weren't obligated to be nice to the gays.

  • Bodhi

    I would die if Carl Perkins offered to bring me coffee. And not just because he'd be zombie Carl Perkins

  • He was so genuine and so charming I wanted him to adopt me.

  • Quatermain

    I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me.

  • Siege

    Thank you. I thought I was the only one.

  • MrFrye

    "Cher is, and always has been, her own person. She’s going to do what she wants, when she wants, and she does not care what you think."

    Don't take this the wrong way, but statements like this mean nothing. At all. Let me demonstrate with a slight re-wording:

    "Lindsey Lohan is, and always has been, her own person. She’s going to do what she wants, when she wants, and she does not care what you think."

    Equally true, and equally meaningless. Also, just the phrase "she does not care what you think" is bullshit. There is not a human being alive (who isn't a sociopath) who doesn't care what other people think. No offence.

  • Jezzer

    For future reference, adding "no offence" to a patently condescending comment doesn't make you any less of a shit weasel.

  • Az

    Especially when you can't even spell offense correctly for fuck's sake.

  • Jezzer

    I just assumed it was one of those weird British things, like adding "U" to "neighbor," or pretending the letter "Z" doesn't exist.

  • frank247

    "Shit Weasel"

    It's either gonna be my band name, or my band name.

    Or my band name.

  • frank247

    Man, do you pedantic arseholes not have a club or something that you can go to and save the rest of us from having to read your blah blah lookit me I can type blah blah.

    Your substitution of Lohan's name for Cher is a false comparison because

    a) Cher is a recognised artist, both as a singer and an actor.

    b) Cher, whilst not being everyone's cup of Assam, is not recognised for her mugshots

    and

    c) Cher has never had the nickname Li-Lo.

    Thank you, and please clean this portion of the Internet before you leave.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Well, since it's allowed to irrational, I'm going to revise it to: I love Cher because she is really freaking cool, fundamentally elegant (hence able to pull off the clothes), and completely willing to tell the world to go fu*k itself. She is comfortable in her own skin, even when she feels the need to alter it. How's that?

  • Jt

    David Bowie. And for me, another David, Attenborough. I just love him. I grew up on his documentaries (nature geek here)and kind of view him as a grandfather I never had. Plus Lily Tomlin.

  • TheShitWizard

    I'm watching his current shows and alternating between bliss at having them on my telly and the ridiculous, clutching fear I get whenever I remember he's getting on these days. I don't want a world without David Attenborough.

  • pupmkin

    Yes! Lily Tomlin.

  • Lee Pat

    Sir David Attenborough taught me proper English pronunciation (though not pacing, alas) by virtue of the awesomest documentaries on TV. Oh, and Sir Ian McKellen. And Patrick Stewart. They are the grandpas I wish I had.

  • Salieri2

    "I am standing. In front of. The world's. Largest. Land. Reptile, the. Komodo. Dragon...As you can see, I am. Upwind. Of this magnificent creature.....Were the wind to change. I would. Be in great danger. As it would turn and. Rip me to shreds with its powerful. Jaws." (loosely remembered.)

    He was maybe 4' from the thing.
    Attenborough, man. Balls big as church bells.

  • Ozioma

    Stephen Colbert - not only is he funny, but away from the persona, he is genuinely one of the sweetest, most sunshine-y people ever.

    Craig Ferguson - watched the show, it made me laugh. Read his autobiography, and I just fell head over heels.

    Peter Capaldi - because Malcolm fucking Tucker and that's all you need to know. Well, that and he used to be in a punk rock band with Craig Ferguson.

  • Quatermain

    Kenneth Branagh - Ever since I saw him in Henry V when I was 13 or 14 or so. He was the only reason I saw 'Wild Wild West' or 'Frankenstein.'

    Trace Adkins - I like his music as well as the way he acts when he's not on stage. Plus, when the RNC had their convention in Minneapolis a few years back, I got mistaken for him by one of the delegates, which tickles me.

    Shawn Michaels - He's one of(if not -the-)the greatest wrestlers alive today. Him and Stone Cold are the reasons I love wrestling still today.

    Billy Graham - Because he's Billy Graham, c'mon. He's about as close as Protestants are going to get to having a Pope. (and no, Clever Internet Guy, this does not mean he was in the Hitler Youth also)

  • Salieri2

    Trace Adkins I'll both +1 and -1, so he's back to neutral for me.

    +1 because he actually showed up early at his own loadin at a no-count small town to hang out on the dock with the truck drivers and pass pleasantries with the local labor force (i.e. me), & when I asked him "You here to help?" he replied cordially, "I think y'all have enough guys" instead of "fuck off, ma'am."

    -1 because he's apparently quite rude to his monitor tech and threw his hat at him onstage during a show. Be a pro, man. Keep the dirty laundry out back. You don't like the job someone's doing, don't call him out in front of 10,000 people, dang.

  • PDamian

    Judi Dench. Judi Dench. Muthafuckin' DAME Judi Dench. My admiration knows no bounds. When she wore crystal "007" paste-on on her neck at the Skyfall premiere, I nearly swooned.

    I just looked him up, and it appears he died recently, but still ... I've always harbored a secret crush for Bob Wilkins, who MC'd the "Creature Features" show on KTVU, Channel 2, in San Francisco back in the 1970s. His dry, understated humor, coupled with a sort of wry whimsy as he introduced classic horror films, was what got me started with my lifelong love affair with horror movies. When I was a kid, he was simply the coolest thing in my little universe.

  • Little Judi Dench. Such a clever little Judi Dench. Little, clever, chubby Judi Dench.

    Context: http://www.hulu.com/watch/2710...

  • Louise

    Bless you. I had never seen that. How wonderful!

  • PDamian

    Oh god, that was AWESOME ...

  • e jerry powell

    See, I cannot see a picture of Mick Foley and not stop to see what it's about.

  • Natallica

    Lemmy Kilmister. Just watch the documentary "Lemmy" and you'll understand. He lives in a teeny tiny apartment because he says it's cheap and near Sunset Strip, he's borderline hoarder, and spends his evenings playing some Trivial Pursuit type game on a computer at the Rainbow Bar and Grill. Also... HE'S A GODDAMN ROCK AND ROLL LEGEND.

  • carrie

    and he loves British classic literature (the legend says he has a Master on British literature)

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    One of my favorite quotes of all time is from Cher "If grass can grow through concrete, love can find you at every time in your life." I'm with you in my love of Dolly and Cher for all the terrific reasons you mentioned.

    I would add Ann Richards to that grouping. A lot of people quibbled with her becoming a celebrity in her later years and cashing in on that; what I don't think was widely know is that she was broke at the time and at in the twilight of her life, so you can't blame a gal for pulling herself up by her boot spurs.

  • Louise

    Ann Richards love isn't any more irrational than Molly Ivins love, and even God wears a Molly Ivins t-shirt.

  • TheOtherGreg

    Well, Bill Murray, obviously. And Craig Ferguson, cuz he just doesn't care.

  • Zzzzz

    Shirley Mclaine has always had my unconditional love. Yes she's an amazing actress but for anyone who's a fan a her writing you know the woman is batshit crazy in the best possible way. She's brilliant, fasinating, brutally honest about everything she believes in and like Cher doesn't give a fuck what anyone thinks. I would give anything to be able to sit down and have a long conversation about EVERYTHING!

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I just re-read an issue of Interview from, I dunno, 2005 - and Aniston interviewed her. I was really struck my Shirley's intelligence. And a triple threat to boot.

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