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Mowing Lawns and Eating Candy

By | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (55)



38389120.FlyingLawnMower.jpg

Thanks to William Goss’ fabulous little random list of horror nostalgia and particularly his inclusion of Candyman in said list, I was a reminded of a summer approximately seventeen years ago when a group of friends and I would congregate at a buddy’s house every damn day with the sole intent of eradicating brain cells by almost any means necessary. It was exceptionally convenient that his parents were continually absent and that his older sister was more concerned with banging her greaser boyfriend than being responsible for her brother. So, every care free summer day for about three weeks, we would show up with all manner of substances and enjoy some of the greatest cinematic selections. At least they were great to our liquor and drug addled brains. Two movies stood out to us and we watched them over and over at least once every day throughout that blissfully ignorant time. The first was The Lawnmower Man.



I’ll be the first to admit that it’s not the greatest movie ever made, but you have to keep in mind that it was 1993, I was sixteen and tripping balls so the effects were pretty awesome. I had to watch the damn thing six times (the sixth while I was sober) to finally figure out what the fuck was going on. Essentially, a mentally challenged gardener becomes a test subject for a doctor’s new computer program. Said simpleton eventually begins to grow smarter and ends up becoming the brilliant master of a virtual world that can miraculously extend his powers into reality. Sure, it looks kind of shitty but trust me when I say that It’s the stuff that great acid trips are made of. Regardless of movie quality, it was a hell of a good time and my first experience with virtual reality. Both in the movie and in real life.

The second feature in our daily routine was Candyman.



Candyman was not a good movie to watch with a head full of crazy paper. That shit was scary but we would usually have a few beers (or sixteen) to take the edge off and put us in the mood. Nevertheless we watched it religiously as it was one of the only genuinely scary movies that we knew of at the time. I won’t even bother with a synopsis as, if you haven’t seen it, you should probably go and make love to yourself with the wide end of a snow shoe. Suffice to say that the hook, the bees (please keep your Nicholas Cage jokes to yourself) and the menace that was Tony Todd combined for a terrifying experience that could always guarantee you a teenage girl attached firmly to whatever part of you was available. It also had the habit of causing spontaneous make-out sessions. Hey, if you can’t tell by now, my friends and I weren’t exactly what most would call normal.

Those two films are an integral part of a joyous summer as a teenager that I’ll remember (mostly) till the day I die. Even though they cannot be held up as the pinnacle of movie making genius, they’ll always have a place in my heart and mostly functional brain. So tell me, what are the movies that you’ll always remember from those blissful, uncaring summers of yore.

Note: We’ll be excluding Bucdaddy from this diversion as they didn’t have teenagers back when he was one.









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Comments

Superman.
Waxworks.

Posted by: superasente at August 5, 2010 8:05 PM

"Waxwork" was some good shit. Kinda racy too.

Posted by: Jay at August 5, 2010 8:11 PM

The first time I was flipping channels in the summer of '05 and Say Anything was on. Definitely had to go track that down. I also bought my first independent movie that summer: Imaginary Heroes and have it pretty much memorized. Good times.

Posted by: grace b at August 5, 2010 8:13 PM

Well, as evidenced by my posts in the MTV thread, I gueass I am old fart. I was a kid before the advent of VCRs and, frankly, I didn't have the money to go to the theater that frequently. So, I was pretty much stuck with whatever was on TV. But, there was a local station out of Dallas that would play old and/or cheesy movies in the afternoons and I always made a point to watch whatever they were playing. One week they did a Planet of the Apes marathon. I also saw a movie about some folks that wre shrunk and did battle with a huge spider. And the best one was the movie X: The Man With the X-Ray Eyes. I clearly remember the station airing that movie more than once and me watching it every time.

Posted by: elsie at August 5, 2010 8:14 PM

Anything Mary-Kate and Ashley.
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. I may or may not own the soundtrack to that.
Yeah, I know I'm young.

Posted by: esme at August 5, 2010 8:17 PM

Teen Witch was the absolute best movie ever made. I wanna be the most popular giiirl! Top that!

Posted by: Lake at August 5, 2010 8:23 PM

We used to have VHS tapes of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Jurassic Park and The Lion King that we had to see over and over in order to keep my little brothers happy during those summers when we were all home.

To this day, I can recite the entirety of Temple of Doom from memory. "Chilled monkey brains!"

Posted by: Fredo at August 5, 2010 8:24 PM

Okay, this isn't a e-zactly a movie I watched in the summer, um, okay, not at all - college happens during every other season, but anyway! It qualifies because it holds a large part of my heart simply because of the memories it engenders: Dazed and Confused.

During my sophmore year of college (otherwise known as one of the greatest and foggiest of my life) we had a sloid routine. Skip class. Sleep late. Gather the troops. Smoke copious amounts of ganja. Watch Dazed and Confused. Repeat as needed. Every. Single. Day. I can't hear that opening music without flashing back to tiny dorm rooms and friends packed in like smoked sardines.

We laughed over nothing and quoted the movie endlessly - it was a very good time, the kind that everyone hopes college will turn out to be. Dazed and Confused was a big part of that, so I love it for that reason alone and have no idea if it's actually a good movie or not - who cares?

Posted by: noodlestein at August 5, 2010 8:27 PM

Fredo, that is a God-given skill. Do not squander it. Recitation of Temple of Doom, even if it is the worst of all three Indie movies, is still a tremendous gift.

With great power comes great responsibility, Fredo. I read that somewhere.

Posted by: superasente at August 5, 2010 8:28 PM

Solid routine, that is! Groan.

Posted by: noodlestein at August 5, 2010 8:29 PM

I spent all my summers at either sleepaway camp without TVs or college programs, also without TVs. Movies are not really a part of my summer memories. I was too busy LIVING!!!

Posted by: SaBrina at August 5, 2010 8:39 PM

Grease 2. You heard me. I was young, and the songs were super fun to sing along to. "Reproduction," "Cool Rider?" Those were the days.

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at August 5, 2010 8:45 PM

Sandlot.

Posted by: dr. pisaster at August 5, 2010 8:56 PM

This is more like a list of movies we didn't turn off when we were in-between FFTactics play-throughs and utter Mario Kart madness:

Wayne's World (I could definitely do this line-for-line at one point, and it's not that easy, mind you)

Akira (Tetsuoooooooooooooooooo!)


And last but certainly not least, The 13th Warrior. That movie gets shit on all the god damn time, but it's got large Vikings ruining people's shit for a damn long time. Short on effects, solid on visuals, with a bit of brevity and alot of decapitations thrown in. Sure it's not flippin Braveheart, but that end scene (Lo there do I see my father...), and the unparalleled badassery of Ecthgow (all-black dark haired asskicker-Viking-ninja-extraordinaire) was more than enough on our impressionable young minds.

Posted by: D-Day at August 5, 2010 9:01 PM

One Crazy Summer! We used to piss off everybody when we went 'round the neighbourhood saying "Who'd go and throw away a perfectly good white boy like that"?

Posted by: DeckOfficer!! at August 5, 2010 9:02 PM

Star Wars, obviously. We had Return of the Jedi on tape. Dubbed in Spanish. We watched the hell out of it every summer.

Some others were Mary Poppins, Sound of Music and for me, The Little Mermaid. I made my dad get that from the video store so many times that he became known as "Sirenito" at the store.

Posted by: figgy at August 5, 2010 9:11 PM

Center Stage. Way too many times. I may or may not own it on both VCR and DVD as well as owning the soundtrack...

I was a ballet nerd. That movie is like porn to us.

Posted by: redfeather at August 5, 2010 9:12 PM

D-Day, I love The 13th Warrior. Yeah it's little hoakey, but it's just so much fun and screw it, Vikings are always awesome.

Posted by: figgy at August 5, 2010 9:21 PM

My friends and I love, love, LOVE the horrible Children of the Corn series. We'd watch them during our sleepovers, usually in a mini-marathon. The first one's fairly respectable, but the sequels are chock full of ridiculous storylines, cheesy dialogue & BAD acting. The fourth one is a particular favorite, since it features one of the Zappas and one of the guys from California Dreams (the tv show) who actually came to our school to give a talk on the dangers of teen drinking & drug use.

Another movie that makes me think of hanging out with my friends in the summer would be Cruel Intentions. We wore out a VHS copy of that one.

And the summertime was when we discovered Orgazmo. Man, I miss those summers.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at August 5, 2010 9:34 PM

It was the summer of my freshman year of high school. Mine was the house of the continuously absent parents and so basically the whole of my high school basically took it upon themselves to make it the town flop house. Anyway, I was in love with a junior who happened to be my neighbor, so he was over there all the time, much to my delight.

Not so much to my delight? His favorite movie that summer... Bio Dome. He wanted to watch it alll day every day that summer and would sit there staring, laughing dumbly with me looking on awestruck at his beautiful "OMG he is going to be a SENIOR, next year!!!" face. Eventually, we would move the movie into my room when everyone else was sick of it. But I wasn't sick of it, ohhhh not me! I saw it as my chance, "He's finally going to make a move!"

Not so much. 3 months of my life, 3 months I watched that movie. Every day, for 3 fucking months! And nothing! He was waaaay to engrossed in this stupid movie to pay attention to me.

Shortly after that summer he got with super slut of the school, immediately impregnated her & I recently found out that they still live in the same shithole town and have like 4 kids now. I guess what I am trying to say here is thanks Biodome!!

Wait, what was this diversion about again?

Posted by: ashes at August 5, 2010 9:36 PM

All hot and sincere people on ___Sugarmommamatch-c o m___ , including sensual models, milfs, sexy chicks, handsome tall

men and humorous tall folks, are all supporting Obama!! hate wars!! love world peace!!! it's a place go beyond simple mingle

and dating. they show love through every detailed things!!

Posted by: ashly at August 5, 2010 9:44 PM

My three best girlfriends and I were obsessed with slumber parties and watching movies all night in the summer. Some that got played a billion times were Dazed and Confused, Princess Bride, Now and Then, Romeo and Juliet, Happy Gilmore and The Craft. Some of those are better than others but we had pretty good taste even back in the day. Still love those girls.

Posted by: becks at August 5, 2010 10:02 PM

Um, is this about movies that you treasure from the summers of your youth, or movies that you treasure from the summers of your youth when you were fucked up? If it's the former, I say PREDATOR. If it's the latter, well, I didn't party until college, & summer was spent, you know, working.

Posted by: the new transported man at August 5, 2010 10:04 PM

I feel you pain, ashes. Bio Dome was my little brother's favorite movie for a year or so and we only had one tv in the house so it wasn't like I could go watch something else when he put it in the vcr for the billionth time.
Also, I forgot but I was kind of a Trekkie in my younger days, so I watched lots of Star Trek movies during the summer. Particularly Wrath of Khan and The Voyage Home (don't judge me).

Posted by: dr. pisaster at August 5, 2010 10:06 PM

I second Temple of Doom because I watched it all of the freaking time and can also recite it almost word for word. It is by far my favorite of all of the Indy movies! I can even sing "Anything Goes" in Chinese.

Also Grease. My aunt recorded the movie off of TV and gave it to us, and I swear I watched it until the tape disintegrated.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at August 5, 2010 10:06 PM

superasente, I take that responsibility with great humility. In the wrong hands, who knows where we could end up! Kids swinging through jungles with monkeys?

D-Day, I'm prone to consider those "almost perfect" movies from time to time. You know, movies that had something going but, for one reason or another, didn't quite get there. I've always thought The 13th Warrior fits squarely in that category.

Posted by: Fredo at August 5, 2010 10:20 PM

D-Day, figgy, I raise my tasty adult beverage to you both. The Thirteenth Warrior is FAR superior to Braveheart. Did you know 13W has a quote for every occasion? EVERY. OCCASION. HANDS. DOWN. Accents and intonation are vital. Ready? Go.

“Ow, my back hurts.” “Grow stronger.”
[Dog does anything remotely interesting] “The dog can jump.”
[Something further crapifies a crappy day] “Oh, great. Now it’s going to rain.”
[Marital dispute] “I heard this the first time.”

Hell, Oded Fehr guest-starred on some mediocre USA show I was watching the other day, and I couldn’t stop myself from saying “Ohhhhhhhh......Dedddddd” and Mr. Salieri2 knew exactly what I was talking about.

It’s a fine, fine film. Don’t let anyone tell you different.
Also,

"men and humorous tall folks, are all supporting Obama!!"
is the best thing the spambot's ever done.

Posted by: Salieri2 at August 5, 2010 10:22 PM

dr. Piz, If anyone judges you for your Star Trek love they deserve a punch. Right in their cock-face.

Posted by: admin at August 5, 2010 10:23 PM

Now and Then. I know, I know! I still love it though.

Posted by: Julie at August 5, 2010 10:23 PM

Maximum Overdrive existed specifically to satisfy this purpose and my midnight addiction to B-movies on Monstervision. AC/DC, Emilioooooo and Lisa Simpson back when all she had done was the Legend of Billie Jean (also a perennial fave).

Pump up the Volume, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, and Gleaming the Cube.

What the hell is gleaming anyway?

Posted by: Ulterior Motive Girl at August 5, 2010 11:14 PM

You mean talkies? Yeah, we didn't have those yet.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 5, 2010 11:15 PM

Lake, I still sing that horrible rap from Teen Witch.

"I'm hot. You're not. But if you wanna hang with me I'll give you one shot! Top that! Top that! You can give all that you can but you will never top that!"

Fucking poetic.

Posted by: Ulterior Motive Girl at August 5, 2010 11:20 PM

Off my lawn, you.

-- bucdaddy

Posted by: , at August 5, 2010 11:29 PM

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Posted by: yuta at August 5, 2010 11:47 PM

I am younger than this sounds, but Monty Python and the Holy Grail. It was like a friend litmus test. I had it taped off TV on a VHS and my best friend and I LOVED IT and of course we could quote it and went around referring to it all the time. Then another friend wanted to watch it for a class project (I guess they were studying King Arthur stories or something) so I brought it to her house and watched it with her whole family. NONE OF THEM GOT IT. I was sitting there cracking up and quoting (and O.K. I probably seemed like a total dork) and they were sitting there literally saying "I don't get it". Bizarre.

The Princess Bride. This was stuff even the weirdo friends who didn't get Monty Python could enjoy with us. We watched that one too often on VHS and of course quoted it right and left.

Both of these were non-negotiable for potential boyfriends. I'm happy to say my husband likes both as much as I do. Yay good boy!

D-Day, Wayne's World is definitely another one for me--my group of friends went to see it when it came out my senior year of h.s. and imitated the "Bohemian Rhapsody" scene way too often.

Also Better Off Dead. But my obsession with that one started in grade school. "I want my 2 dollars!" I can't believe stupid John Cusack doesn't even appreciate it. Bonehead.

Posted by: pickled tink at August 6, 2010 12:26 AM

Nightmare on Elm Street and Terminator, VHS of coarse.

Posted by: rabbi at August 6, 2010 1:47 AM

One Crazy Summer! We used to piss off everybody when we went 'round the neighbourhood saying "Who'd go and throw away a perfectly good white boy like that"?

But... but... that's Better Off Dead.

Posted by: MM at August 6, 2010 2:21 AM

Vampire's Kiss recommended by Nadine and Alex has made many a gloomy winter evening (since its Summer over there it be Winter in Oz aye?) cheerful with hot chocolate

The Breakfast Club and Ferris Buellers Day Off also rock our worlds, as do Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, She's the Man, 40 Year old Virgin, Anchorman, Zoolander, Mean Girls, Billy Madison & The Wedding Singer

I'm in my teen years now, but I cannot resist a good 80s, 90s throwback, as you can see

Posted by: Camilla at August 6, 2010 2:28 AM

Sandlot.
Posted by: dr. pisaster at August 5, 2010 8:56 PM

That...that is the first thing that popped in my head. The kiss with Wendy, The Beast, "You're killing me Smalls!" Playing baseball every day.

Also, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.

Posted by: DeistBrawler at August 6, 2010 3:01 AM

We had a one-movie-a-day rule during the summer months, but man, did we enjoy that one movie a day. Of course, between me, my brother and our visiting cousins, picking that movie every day was a battle to near-death.

My favorites memories are Jurassic Park, Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, Ever After, and Fern Gully.

I still love all those movies*. They seemed more epic (not to mention longer) back in the day, but they always bring me back to that happy place of mosquito bites, bruised knees, a little too much sun, and Nestle iced tea.

*Well...maybe not Ever After. But I didn't hesitate to pick it up on dvd a few years ago.

Posted by: Lexie at August 6, 2010 3:07 AM

Aliens. I had a superchannel subscription, was a latchkey kid, and had zero buddies. There's a reason I've seen the thing over 150 times.

and STILL LOVE IT MOST OF ALL THINGS. Yeah!

Outsiders, Near Dark, Red Dawn, Ferris and pretty much all Hughes, Candy/Ackroyd/Martin, Top Gun. I had eons of time folks. My movie friends got me through!

Posted by: replica at August 6, 2010 3:42 AM

Robocop, bitches! Robocop, Robocop, Robocop. He's a robot and a cop! His gun dissapears in his leg! He can punch through a wall! Tits! Made by a crazy Dutchman! Explosions! Carchases! Directive 5! You're Fired!


.....sorry about that, my adolescence gland accidentally got activated. I'll go back to work now.

Posted by: Dugs at August 6, 2010 5:58 AM

Every summer my parents would get rid of cable so I'd work my way through the Indiana Jones films, the Star Wars trilogy, and then all the Bond films with Sean Connery and Roger Moore.

I do remember one summer when I'd go with my family to our friends' house and all of us kids would watch UHF repeatedly. We would use slow motion on the parts where Rambo Yankovic would shoot people 'til their heads blew off and laugh at the shitty effects.

My teen years were generally spent outdoors getting wasted and/or high so not too many movies were seen.

Posted by: Uda at August 6, 2010 7:09 AM

My carefree summer of yore was the summer I moved out of my parents house. A friend and I sublet rooms in house of not-quite-hippies. It was so hot that summer, all we had energy for was sitting around watching MTV back when they played videos. "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and "Sweet Child of Mine" were very big that summer. I still have a soft spot for Def Leppard, much to my BF's horror.

In the Fall we moved into another house where it was all Princess Bride all the time.

Posted by: Lee at August 6, 2010 8:40 AM

Uda, UHF is like a classic for my family along with Caveman and the original Producers. Yeah, it's a weird family.

Posted by: pickled tink at August 6, 2010 9:09 AM

Why in MY day, we didn't even HAVE these new-fangled Dee Vee Dee things you kids today have. We had to watch EVERYTHING on VHS.

Let's see, let's see... summer of '87. I was 16, there were 5 of us, none of us had driver licenses yet. We'd all meet at the video store, pick a bunch of crap, and head up to Brian's house, who had the most "we'd rather they drink here where we can keep an eye on them" parents. I believe our poison of choice, after wine coolers of course, was vodka, because it was cheap and easily mixed with whatever sweet things we used to get it down.

The ones we watched over and over and over? The first two Evil Deads (Army of Darkness wasn't even invented yet), Basket Case, and the first 3 Nightmare on Elm Streets, because those were the only ones that existed at the time. Sure, we threw tons of other crap in there, but those were the ones we kept going back to. Oh, summer of '87, you were a DELIGHT.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverbeaver at August 6, 2010 9:29 AM

Having 4 sisters makes for a kind of girly list:

Adventures in Babysitting
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Dirty Dancing
Heathers
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Damn, I think I am older than most of your demographic.

VMG

Posted by: Notorious VMG at August 6, 2010 10:19 AM

pickled tink, That's how my family was with Monty Python and the Holy Grail. We'd quote it to no end at the dinner table.

AvB, I used to watch everything on VHS and I wasn't even alive in '87.

Posted by: Uda at August 6, 2010 10:28 AM

My grandparents had a tape of Jaws, so when we would visit them for about a month each summer, we watched that movie. A lot.

Posted by: Todd at August 6, 2010 10:34 AM

Does it count as going full retard for Jeff Fahey if he ends up a diabolical genius?

I spent an entire summer watching Romeo + Juliet every day. Seriously. Sad, I know. I still break out those soundtracks every once in a while.

My other favorite summer movie was Camp Nowhere. Christopher Lloyd and cute boys! How can you lose?

@Lake: Teen Witch for the win! Oh Robin Lively, where have you gone?

@Julie: Now and Then was part of my Devin Sawa obsession. See also: Little Giants and Casper.

Posted by: Kristobel at August 6, 2010 1:49 PM

Oh my, I am such a dweeb. I just realized I had deleted 3/4 of my post. Correct. My white boy quote was BOD. My other was supposed to be "there sure are some ugly looking kids running around here" and my personal fav I use to this day, "You'll have to goto WORK"

Posted by: DeckOfficer!! at August 6, 2010 4:30 PM

Pfft! And you call yourself an officer.

Posted by: admin at August 7, 2010 12:20 AM

Repo Man, The Wall, Heavy Metal, Sid and Nancy, Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Thing, Anything from Troma

Posted by: idleprimate at August 7, 2010 5:50 PM

Lord of the Rings and the Thirteenth Warrior. I will defend the merits of both if need be.

Posted by: feebthefurbieassasin at August 7, 2010 10:45 PM

This particular actually solved my dilemma, thank you!

Posted by: Mac nick at January 23, 2011 9:27 PM