tc25db.jpg

Mission Heterosexual

By Sarah Larson | Comment Diversions | February 10, 2010 | Comments ()

By Sarah Larson | Comment Diversions | February 10, 2010 |


tc25db.jpg

Who remembers a little show about a moose in a caboose? It was a cartoon from the mid-1980s and it involved a dog dressed as a cheerleader, a "tough-guy" cat who was gay as an Easter parade, and an alligator arch nemesis (which may or may not have actually been a crocodile). The show was all about a cartoon cult led by a moose who lived in a caboose, or maybe the cult met in the caboose, or something. Whatever, I watched this shit like 25 goddamn years ago and some of it's a little fuzzy, okay?

I know Shadows remembers this show because for years now, whenever I bring it up because I've forgotten for the 57th time what it was called, everybody else acts like it's the product of a fever dream and Shadows reminds me that it was totally, horrifyingly real and it was called "The Get Along Gang." There was this moose, with a cult in his caboose, and he and his unnaturally cheerful Pomeranian gal pal and his "athletic" kitty mo friend spent half an hour each week having adventures which taught children all about how to be subservient. I swear to Christ that was the whole point of the show. It was a cartoon designed by a greeting card company, intended to instill compliance in America's youth. I am not being remotely sarcastic. Look that shit up, it's true as hell.

That doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but TK was talking about Tom Cruise yesterday, and Tom Cruise always makes me think of that show. For completely inexplicable reasons (don't sue me, Captain Thetan).

So anyway, what do you consider to be your greatest flaws? Personality-wise, I mean. I couldn't care less about the hairy mole on your bum; I want to know about what you think is the jackassiest aspect of your character. For me, I'd have to say it's probably the fact that I can't be arsed to care about other people's delicate sensibilities (ironically, this is also my greatest strength). I'm very impatient and epically lazy (no ironic strength to be found there). I have little to no filter between my brain and my mouth, I'm almost psychotically incapable of experiencing a sense of shame, and I enjoy making uptight people uncomfortable for funsies (I'm the worst dinner party guest EVER). Additionally, I can be very unsympathetic, and my idea of being kind to someone whining about their suffering is to ignore them instead of telling them to either shut it or hurry the hell up and kill themselves already. Basically, I'm a deranged asshole. But hey, at least I'm realistic about my faults.

What about you? What makes you a pain in the ass toolbox?

Sarah Larson lives in Minnesota, where she is usually up to no good. She does not believe in lace-up boots, because they are kind of a lot of work. She only updates her blog when bullied into it, but you can read the archive here if you're bored enough.


Get entertainment, celebrity and politics updates via Facebook or Twitter. Buy Pajiba merch at the Pajiba Store.

Wag the Dog Review | Pajiba After Dark 2/10/10




Continue Reading After the Advertisement

Bigots, Trolls & MRAs Are Not Welcome in the Comments




Advertisement




The Pajiba Store


petr-store-pajiba.png






Privacy Policy
advertise