Pajiba

First one that springs to mind is Bush's "Machinehead," which I always swore was "Mushy Head" and makes me think of a rotten canteloupe.

For years I've misunderstood Pearl Jam lyrics. I think the longest running one was in Black I always thought he was saying "I know someday you'll have a beautiful laugh", and then one day I was listening to it and went, "hmph. Life totally makes more sense. I'm an idiot. tralalalala."

CCR: "There's a bathroom on the right."

Stabbing Westward's lyrics for "Shame." I swore up and down (well, half-jokingly) that the lyrics to the chorus said, "How can I have sex without you?" After realizing how silly that would be, I changed my opinion to, "How can I obsess without you?" Then, when I finally bought the damn CD and looked at the lyrics, I saw that they actually said, "How can I exist without you?"

Annie Lennox's soulful Feels Just Like I'm Walking On Propane Gas.

And my dad always thought it was Secret Asian Man.

I refuse to believe that The Band's "Weight" refers to a woman named "Fanny." It was and will always be, "Take a load off, Annie"

WHAT?! Damn it Dustin, I thought it was Annie as well.

When I hear Metallica's "Unforgiven," I always hear "Lemon tree...LEMONY!" I have insisted to my best friend for years that the song is about making lemonade. Angrily.

I often mishear that as John...pick up a knife and stab whomever is playing this "music" repeatedly, in the heart, with a very large blade. Now that I think about it, the lyrics don't really go with the tempo of the song so I'm probably a little off.

No, PB...I think that's about right. :)

Another Elton John song: "Hold me Closer Tony Danza" Still cracks me up!

This oughtta be pretty damned hilarious. The record-holder for inscrutable lyrics has to be the entire Elton John/Bernie Taupin canon ('Goodbye Yellow Brick Road' has to have a dozen in that one song alone), my fave being "Hold me closer, Tony Danza"(!), but that may be replaced by the "biggest dick I ever got," which made me laugh even harder. You can have a field day with Taupin's lyrics as sung by Elton John.
Another great one I read is "I'm shaving off my muff for you" (Whitney's 'Saving All My Love For You'), and "There's a bathroom on the right" ('Bad Moon Rising') is good for a giggle (I didn't come up with any of these).
One time a stoner friend of mine was singing along with 'All Right Now' and sang "Let's move before they raise the fucking rate, owww.."
And for 'Wire' fans, remember when that guy said the actual opening lines to 'Honky Tonk Women' and NO ONE knew what the hell he was talking about??!! I sure didn't.
Let's add Mick Jagger's mangling of the English language up there with Elton.
I got more, so I'll be back!

A friend of mine misunderstood Tool's Aenema ... "Fuck L. Ron Hubbard and fuck all his clones" as "Fuck Old Ma Hubbard and fuck all her bones." And that is how I sing it, because that's awesome.

To this day I think Gavin Rossdale is singing "Mickey Mouse, Scrotum the Cow" in "Everything Zen." The interwebs tell me the lyric is really "minnie mouse has grown up a cow" - but I like my version FAR better. Makes me think of a new Disney character being introduced: "Mickey Mouse, meet Scrotum the Cow."

I'd pay to visit THAT park any day.

Another: "Brimfull of Asha," which I of course couldn't understand ANYWAY, but I thought the line "everyone needs a bosom for a pillow" was "everyone needs some pudding from below".

Naturally, I imagined this to be an allusion to pudding from hell...like tapioca that eats your babies.

Outside in the cold distance,
A Wildcat James Brown

(only in the Hendrix version)

Melina: Choking on the ashes of a geranimal
I absolutly made up the same word for this song. And I have sung it since day 1. Bizzare.
__________________________

Anyway, for the longest time my husband was telling me about this song he kept hearing. "This guy talks about how he has to see boobs. Its really a strange song" he said. I shrugged. I didnt believe him. Songs on popular radio stations do not say 'boobs'. At leat none that I can think of...I chalked it up to the fact that English is my hubby's 2nd language. Then it came on the radio one night. It's that newer Chris Brown song 'With you'.
I listened in stunned silence. "He really does say 'see your boobs' huh?" My husband said. I nodded. But then I looked up the lyrics. And lo and behold:

Correct lyric: I need you boo, (oh)
I gotta see you boo (hey)

Heard lyric: I need your boobs. Gotta see your boobs.

go to You Tube and look up Pearl Jam's "Yellow Ledbetter" misheard lyrics. it's one of those mystery songs (like REM was fond of having when I was in junior high) where the band never reveals the lyrics. This Misheard Lyrics version video is one of the funniest things I've ever seen, and I find myself singing its version whenever the song rotates on my ipod.

Long-time lurker popping in to say that the number one misheard lyric for me (aside from the "douche" bit, which still gets me) comes from an A-ha song. (Yes, I listened to A-ha.) It's from "Scoundrel Days" and the correct lyric -- had to look it up -- is "Outside on the pavement/The dark makes no noise." To this day, however, I still hear "Outside on the pavement/The dog makes a mess." I defy you to listen to it and not hear that. Or perhaps I am merely projecting...

Sublime's "Santeria"

What he's singing : If I could find that heina, and that sancho that she's found.

What I heard: If I could find that heina, and that sanchorachis band.

Lemme alone. I don 'peak a 'panish.

"Sittin' butt naked on a porcupine made of concrete, yee-ahh!"

Just to let you know, this line just about made me lose my shit in the very quiet medical office in which I work. And surf Facebook compulsively.

Anyway, my "wtf" lyrics come from the beginning of Filter's "Picture."

"A wake-o my oh plean, a wake-o my oh plean"...

I still don't know what the real words are.

For months I thought the line in Michael Buble's song "Everything" was "you're my momma's face," which is pretty creepy. Turns out it's actually "you're from outer space."

I recently went on a nostalgic trip gathering my 90s music on my ipod and I came across the Mr. Big song "To Be With You" (shut up) and in the chorus I always sang it "waited on the line-up, gangs and dudes" (shut up more).

This morning I knew I had to be terribly wrong, so I looked it up, and it makes just about as much sense as mine:
"Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you"
whatever

paul simon's 'mother and child reunion' when he says 'i can't remember a SATURDAY'. it always bothered me that he couldn't remember a single saturday in his whole life. after years and years of listening to that song and wondering why, it finally occurred to me that the lyric is "i can't remember a SADDER DAY"

How about "two chickens to paralyze, pack your bags, we'll leave tonight". What's that about?

Ever since I was a kid, I've never understood the lyrics for Black Crowes - Hard to Handle. I don't think I could even attempt to replicate what I thought the real lyrics are because it's literally just a big heaping pile of jibberish in my head.

Thats the only one I got. I'm usually that annoying person...You know, if I don't know the lyrics I will look it up. I like to think it helps in building context withing the song. And I don't want to be the fool singing the wrong lyrics because thats how I roll.

What's love got to do, got to do with it?
What's love, but a second handy motion.

(second hand emotion)

Another stupid (actual) lyric, this from Elvis' 'All Shook Up':
"Well, bless my soul, what's wrong with me/ I'm itchin' like a man on a fuzzy tree."
Stay away from the fuzzy trees, dumb shit!

Bohemian Rhapsody:

Actual lyrics: Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me.

Heard lyrics: Hit me with the windows, doesn't really matter to me.

My all-time favorite was my little brother (who was five at the time) singing "kitty kitty, kitty kitty" to Britney Spears "Slave 4 U." I actually had to look it up to make sure those weren't actually the words (its "get it get it"), and on balance I think I like his better. My guess is he thought that woman singing really liked cats.

Chorus of Radiohead's Bones: "When you've got to feel it in your bones"

My husband's interpretation (which he insists on singing, a la Dustin, which drives me nuts a la Mrs. P-H): "Can't you see my maniac gloves?"

*sigh*

Semi-related note to the Canucks out there--you know the Tim Horton's Roll-Up-the-Rim commercial, where people roll up the rims and exclaim what they've won, and the first lady says "Tim card!"? Well, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what she had said, but it sure sounded like she won a "Tampon!" to me.

When I was in grade school I always thought Benny and the Jets (Elton John) had the line
"she's got electric BOOBS, a mohair suit...."

i still sing it that way most the time if I hear it

"Hold me closer, Tony Danza. Count the headlights on the highway..."

"I'll never dance with her mother, WOOOO when I saw her standing there."

Oh oh! For YEARS I thought the lyrics to "Can't Hurry Love" were "Kate, your in love." I was really thrown the first time I heard the Phil Collins version.

Jeremy: I do the same thing on Feist's song. And I didn't even know that wasn't the right lyric. I always wonder what those "old teenage hoes" are up to.
And I second "Second handy motion"

Jen: You have truly shattered me. I read your comment and went, "Wait, what? It's NOT electric boobs?" Then I looked the up the lyrics. Electric boots are nowhere near as cool. Sigh.

Pour some shoo-gah on me...

It's hot, sticky sweet, shahma shooma shooma shahma shooma feet.

Er, something like that.

I know they made this one into a commercial, but I still don't know what Def Leopard is saying.

1. Hey, everyone thought it was "Secret Asian Man" which actually made sense when you watched the James Bond movie where Sean Connery is plastic surgeried into an Asian man.

2. "I'm not talking about millenium." I only found out a few months ago that it's "I'm not talking about MOVING IN, and I don't want to change your life, but there's a warm wind blowing the stars around, and I'd really love to see you tonight."

3. And I can't believe nobody's mentioned Louie, Louie. The entire song is impossible to understand.

Here's the real lyrics:

"Louie Louie, me gotta go. Louie Louie, me gotta go. A fine little girl, she wait for me. Me catch the ship across the sea. I sailed the ship all alone. I never think I'll make it home. Louie Louie, me gotta go . Three nights and days we sailed the sea. Me think of girl constantly. On the ship, I dream she there. I smell the rose in her hair. Louie Louie, me gotta go. Me see Jamaican moon above. It won't be long me see me love. Me take her in my arms and then I tell her I never leave again. Louie Louie, me gotta go." (By Richard Berry. Copyright 1957-1963 by Limax Music Inc.)

Here's what I hear:

Louie, Louie, mememego. Louie, Louie, mememego. Amimeril,shememememe. Mememememeacross me me. I memememememme. Louie, Louie, memememego. etc. etc.

My old roomate thought The Who's " Who are you" was "Ooooooohhhh Ollie! Ooh ooh, ooh ooh". This is after CSI has been on the air for years.
And I second "Cross-eyed bear that you gave to me"

they are coming to me now:
Coldplay's "Yellow"
Real "Your skin oh yeah your skin and bones"
Mine: "Your still oh yeah you're still in love"
Boy was a surpised with the difference. Still love that song.

"...you can't stop being my penpal...I'm goin' back to my cloud."

Elton John's "Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road"

"Confucius never stops...."

Coldplay's "Clocks"

Pea, I thought "she's alright" was the chorus to Cocaine for years - just recently I found out that wasn't right. It's too bad - I like "she's alright" better than "she don't lie".

All this time I thought the most famous misheard lyric was Jimi Hendricks' "'Scuse me while I kiss this guy"

Anyway, I can't think of any of my own, but for the longest time now we still make fun of my sister-in-law who thought the line from "Here I Go Again on my Own" went "Like a twister I was born to walk alone."

I could never understand the end of the chorus to 'Honky Tonk Women' - always sounded like an old Japanese monster movie title to me: "Ghidrah, Ghidrah, Ghidrah, Three-Headed Monster."
I'm stickin' with that.

Billy Idol's "Eyes Without a Face", heard as "How's about a date?"

My favorite misheard lyric, which I still sometimes accidentally sing:

In the "Do Re Mi" song from The Sound of Music, I thought it said, "ti, a drink with Jan and Brad" instead of "jam and bread." I heard the song before I saw the movie and thought Jan and Brad were two of the kids' names. Oh the shame.

First thing that popped into my head is John Mellencamp - "Jack and Diane"

Heard: Diane sittin' on the backseat of Jackie's car"

Actual: Diane's the debutante backseat of Jackie's car" (my lyrics make way more sense)

AND

Heard: Scratches his head and does his fair exchange knee

Actual: Scratches his head and does his best James Dean

I know, mine is complete nonsense but it never sounded like "best James Dean" to me.

"There's a bad man on the ride.". I thought maybe the bad man was causing the hurricanes and that's why we shouldn't go out tonight.

"I set the night in motion." (Correct: I second that emotion.). I mean, when you give someone kisses sweet, you are sort of setting the night in motion, right?

"FANNY"?!

No. Fuck no.

These are ACTUAL song lyrics from "Life" by Des'ree:

I'm afraid of the dark
Especially when I'm in a park
When there's no one else around
Oh I get the shivers
I don't wanna see a ghost
It's the sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
Watch the evening news

These are more ACTUAL lyrics from "I Love New York" by Madonna:

I don't like cities
But I like new york
Other places make me feel like a dork
Los Angeles is for people who sleep
Paris and London
Baby you can keep

Forget mishearing songs. There are enough song lyrics out there that don't require f*cking with for butchering.

I agree with David. The reason we misread them is that they don't make any sense. I love "The Shins" but for the most part I couldn't tell you what their songs mean.

also, i thought "more than a woman" by the beegees was "four legged woman", which then morphed into "four letter woman". i don't know what a four letter woman is.

Ah, misheard lyrics, always a fun topic. In high school Pearl Jam was always on the radio, and for a horrifyingly long time I thought the song Glorified G went "glorified version of a pelican..." Which, even at the height of grunge music's popularity, I knew made no damn sense. Damn you, Eddie Vedder, enunciate!!!

But I still sort of love this one: A school friend argued with me for days (this was pre-internet), insisting that the lyrics to "America the Beautiful" include "above the fruity plains." I think in the end we agreed to disagree.

Not really misunderstood lyrics, but a few years ago I was working on some homework and singing quietly to myself without thinking at all about what was happening, and what came out was:

"Whooooa Black Betty,bam ba lam. Something 'bout spaghetti, bam ba lam..."

Of course, I almost never pay attention to what lyrics actually are, so it isn't really surprising.

"Gallows Pole" by Led Zeppelin -- I seriously think you could get a whole diversion out of lyrics sung by Robert Plant. In this one, I thought for the longest time he said "Now I laugh, oh so hard, she is swingin' on the gallows pole." I was like, what the hell did you hang the sister for?! She didn't do anything! Which kept me sort of annoyed with that song for years. Then I found out it's actually "Now I laugh and pull so hard and see you swingin' on the gallows pole." Still kind of brutal after he took all those bribes, but not nearly as bad. (I assume the guy must have done something to get hanged for to even be there in the first place.)

Also, more universally -- "Don't Bring Me Down" by Electric Light Orchestra. I know I'm not the only one who hears "Don't bring me down, Br-r-r-ruce." Whe the hell is Bruce?! But he's actually saying "gross," which doesn't make a whole lot of sense, either.

Depeche Mode's Enjoy The Silence - the line is "pleasures remain, so does the pain" but my friend Joe always sang "pleasures remain, soldiers burping."

Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" - I THINK the line at the end is "you're gonna be the lucky one" but I always sing "Y'all know Hakeem Olajuwon."

"Slow motion Walter the fire engine guy" is what my friend and I always sing.

My favorites:

"You've been outright offensive for so long now". (Desperado, the Eagles)
"Warm smell of fajitas/policemen rising up through the air" (Hotel California)
"I fell for a stapler." (California, Rufus Wainwright)
"Taco bell shoe." ( Avalanche, Matthew Good)

"Anyway, I can't think of any of my own, but for the longest time now we still make fun of my sister-in-law who thought the line from "Here I Go Again on my Own" went "Like a twister I was born to walk alone.""

I heard "like a twizzler I was born to walk alone."

Oh. And my favorite: "I guess it rains down in Africa." (Oh, Toto.)

"Semi-related note to the Canucks out there--you know the Tim Horton's Roll-Up-the-Rim commercial, where people roll up the rims and exclaim what they've won, and the first lady says "Tim card!"? Well, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what she had said, but it sure sounded like she won a "Tampon!" to me."

YES! I wasn't paying attention and my brother and I looked at each other and went "...tampon?"

Karma Chameleon:

"Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on comedian."

Also misunderstood nearly all the lyrics to Dance Hall Days:

We were so advised
So we danced all dance
We were cool on Christ
When I, you, and everyone we knew
Could believe, dude, sharing what was true
Oh, I said....

...Take your baby by the wrist
And her mouth is a fist
And in her eyes the stuff that's true
And you need her and she needs you

HAHAHA. Awesome.

I don't misunderstand too many lyrics these days - I always look 'em up.

Take a back right turn...it took us to two weeks to get him to believe it was "Paperback Writer". heheheh, Also, same guy, "bakin' carrot biscuits, everyday" no really Max it's "Takin' care of business" Sheesh, really small ears.

Toto, I've always heard "I left my brains down in Africa"

Jack and Diane always got me too. "Long after the trend of living is gone." Oops!

Also, for some reason, Leyla always confused me (and I learned the acoustic version first!): "Darlin', won't you please my world remind."

And finally, my favorite: Instead of "rule the world," I heard, "Everybody wants to hula hoop."

I'm still bad at this nowadays... but it provides great fodder for my sister to laugh at me.

Oh, and I thought of one: When Tori Amos in "Northern Lad" sings, "when you're only wet because of the rain," I thought for YEARS that it was "When your only world occurs in your brain." You have to admit it also makes sense in the context of the song. Tori is the queen of mumbling and mispronunciation.

"Even flow"

"Something, something, gibberish, pig latin, Oh Even flow, At the love like butterflies"

As much of a fascist textualist as I am, it still bothers me that I have utterly no idea what the hell Veder is screaming about. I just mumble until the chorus and sing it loud and proud.

I've just remembered two more -
I always heard the chorus from Billy Ocean's 'When The Going Gets Tough' as 'go and get stuffed'. And from Madonna's 'La Isla Bonita', 'tropical the island breeze' became 'chop a goolie...'.

I was not alone - the Capital Radio morning DJ at the time always referred to the songs as "the 'go and get stuffed' song" and "the 'chop a goolie' song"!

...not a lyric but...

My dad was sitting at the computer a few years ago, not paying attention to the TV. It was a commercial for Miracle Ear hearing aids. Right after the commercial ended he turned around and asked "What the hell is a meer-gleer?"

Todd:

I know the answer to that one! It's actually "Gruss," which is a German greeting/toast. But apparantly enough people thought it was "Bruce" so ELO started singing it that way in concert.

I was always convinced that Madonna's "La Isla Bonita" chorus went "Just call me an island sleaze, all my body yours for free, this is who I long to be..."

Considering her coffee table book was huge when I was listening to this song a lot, it's no wonder I thought it was about some raging slut in the Caribbean! Now that I think back on it, I still like my lyrics better.

Oh yeah, and my uncle always sang,

"I smelt the cranes down in Africa!"

Pearl Jam
Yellow Ledbetter:
The entire goddamn thing.

Michael Jackson- Billie Jean: Actual line: "The Child is not my son!" My version: "The Chair is not my son!"

Elton John: Benny and the Jets: Actual line: "She's got electric boots, a mohair suit You know I read it in a magazine," My Version: "She's got electric boobs, and malhide fruits, you know I read it in a magazine."

I'm breaking out of lurk mode to throw my own favorite misheard lyric. I don't know what this actual lyric is, but every time I hear Bowie's "China Girl" I hear "I'll give you Mallomars to rule the world!!" and it's impossible not to belt it out right along with him. Try it, it's fun!

And Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs? I also highly recommend it, but Neil Diamond fans beware, because Dave gives Neil a sound thrashing.

one day while my bro-in-law and i were talking about name songs, "michelle", "mandy", etc., i mentioned jefferson starship's "sarah", and my sister interrupted to say, "KAsarah". When we asked her what she was talking about, she insisted that it was acutally, "KAsarah, KAsarah,..." It took us the better part of an afternoon to explain that no, really, thats just the musical stylings of jefferson starship, and yes, they are f'ed up.

I always sing Pearl Jam's "Glorified G" as "Four fine virgins on a pelican..." even after I found out it was "glorified version of a pellet gun..."

Dave Matthews Band, "Crash":
"Lift up your skirt a little more, and show the world to me"
always becomes
"Lift up your skirt, little boy, and show the world to me"

Because I love me underage trannies.

JH: I like the scat approach!

I tend to make up sounds that approximate what noises are being sung. Like in No Doubt's "Just a Girl": "I'm just a girl living in captivity, oh bula boo, let me stay, la la la." No idea what she's really singing.

Or Gwen Stefani's The Sweet Escape: "I been acting like someone who fell on the floor and sa fug cha cha the refridgerator..."

That girl sings like she's got a mouthful of wet cat fur.

i'm embarrassed to admit this, but in the early to mid-90s i did listen to dave matthews band. you can snicker now. anywho, my friend and i used to think he was saying "satur-nite" instead of "satellite"

MystTeree - I just looked it up - it never even dawned on me that wasn't the correct lyric. Apparently, it's "And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder"

BWeaves: "I'm not talking about millenium." I only found out a few months ago that it's "I'm not talking about MOVING IN, and I don't want to change your life, but there's a warm wind blowing the stars around, and I'd really love to see you tonight."
I always thought it was "I'm not talking 'bout my linen" as in doing my laundry for me.

Hey MystTeree,
The Tracy Chapman lyric is "And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder".
I must say I prefer the misheard version.

I could never understand what Madonna was saying in Like a Prayer. The line goes: "You're here with me, it's like a dream. Let the choir sing."

"Let the choir sing" always sounded like "lefoquasi"
(and, yes, I do have a hearing problem.)

I was there with "Secret Asian Man" too...but I actually did question at one point if he was saying "agent" and then talked myself out of it, because really, singing a song about being a secret agent is the least secret thing ever. So I thought Asian made a WHOLE lot more sense.

My two favorites from my youth?

'Cause inside I'm a dime without a shoe...

(P.M. Dawn's "I'd Die Without You")

Waffle

It was good

Living with you...WAFFLE!

It was good

I wanna wanna a waffle

(Better Than Ezra's Good)

In the case of "Good", when the real lyrics are "(wahow, It was good livin with you (wahow), It was good (awwawawa, wahow)..." who can blame us for getting them wrong??

A song about a waffle made more sense than a grown man using "wahow" as an actual word.

Pearl Jam, "Rearview Mirror"
I thought it was, "Soppy, soppy, clean you up, clean you uppp, watch you thru my rearview mirror"

Never thought it was actually: "Saw things,
Clearer,
Once you, were in my...Rearview mirror..."

And an old friend thought "brown eyed girl" was really "my bride girl." That's real bad.

As usual with these lovely diversions, time constraints force me to post BEFORE reading. I therefore apologize if this has already been mentioned:

From Tori Amos's "Cornflake Girl:"

Actual lyric:
And the man with the golden gun
Thinks he knows so much,
Thinks he knows so much...

For months, I was convinced she was singing about a man with a rolled-up gnome.

Complete with the visual of a murdered gnome concealed in a rolled up, Oriental rug.

Pearl Jam, "Rearview Mirror"
I thought it was, "Soppy, soppy, clean you up, clean you uppp, watch you thru my rearview mirror"

Never thought it was actually: "Saw things,
Clearer,
Once you, were in my...Rearview mirror..."

And an old friend thought "brown eyed girl" was really "my bride girl." That's real bad.

Lyric: "I fought the law and the law won."
My version: "I won't be long on the cow horn."

Makes absolutely no sense, but I defended it for a very long time.

My friend's version of "Good-bye, Ruby Tuesday" is one of my favorites also - "Good-bye, rheumatism!"

In my office we listen to a crappy soft rock radio station all day, which means I have the privelage of hearing Carly Simon's "You're So Vain" at least once a day. There is a line that says "They were clouds in my coffee." And I KNOW that's what it says, but I can't but hear, every time, "There were clowns in my coffee, clowns in my coffee." I don't know about you, but to me that is a terrifying mental image.

And another one: Change change change, change your fool.

Dirty Deeds! Thunder chief!

Jesus and Mary Chain's Just Like Honey, I always heard "I'll be a plastic toilet" and "eating out this girl is the hardest thing that I can do." Still actually not completely sure if Im wrong on those.

That Walking in Memphis song always tripped me up too. I believe it's actually "walking with my feet ten feet off of Beale." but we always sang it "walking with my feet in feet in a field."

My sister always thought the song from rod steward went "have i told you OLD LADY that i love you"....everytime i remember that i laugh my ass off and the better part is that she fought me for it and we even made a bet!!!

PS: it goes "hava i told you lately that i love you"

Unique II - Ain't Nothing Gonna Break My Stride

for the longest time thought it was "Ain't nothing gonna break my spine"...always wondered why it was such a violent song

My wife thought that the Mary Chapin Carpenter song said "He thinks he'll beep her" instead of He thinks he'll keep her. I guess she thought it was an ode to telecommunications.

Another one...back in the 80's i had a friend call josephine and she said the song by madonna like a virgin went "josephine and you are mine" and we all beleive her (shut up, we were 10)

I meant "mental" not "metal". But yes, that image is pretty brutal.

Ugh, I'm famous for misheard lyrics...the one that jumps out at me immediately though is from Smashing Pumpkins' "Fuck You (An Ode To No One)" from "Mellon Collie & The Infinite Sadness".

Cracked my friend up when she caught me singing "I don't need your love, you Disco Bitch" instead of "No way, I don't need it, I don't need your love to disconnect/And you make it, so real, I don't need your love to disconnect".

*le sigh*

They later named their (ever-so-short-lived) band Disco Bitch and we all had a laugh.

At the beginning of JLo's "I'm Real," Ja Rule politely asks us what his "motherf***in' name" is, and JLo say's "R.U.L.E."

My friends and I always thought she was just saying "Are you ready?" We were devastated.

I dont know the name of the real song, but the chorus is something to the effect of Amber is the color of your energy, but it sounds like Amber is the color of my urnie stream

For years, I used to sing along, "And the pool hall aches, with every step you take..."

Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie":

Actual lyrics: "Oh boy, I can see your body moving
Half animal, half man"

I hear: "Oh boy, I can see your body moving Half manimal, half man"

I also hear Van Halen's "Panama" as "Manimal," so I think it's a personal sickness.

before i learned spanish, i thought that juanes' hit "a dios le pido" (to god i ask) was really "adios lapido" (see ya lapido). my spanish partner was very confused when i kept requesting the song about lapido.

JH! - I thought Depeche Mode was saying "soldiers burping" too!!!! wow. that's funny.

I mishead Rage Against the Machine's "Calm Like a Bomb" as "calm like you're mom".

My brother misheard the line "numb is an old hat" (from Ani Difranco's Studying Stones) as "momma's an old hag." He refused to believe me when I told him that he was wrong. We were driving home at 4 a.m. from an Ani concert (yes, I'm a freak, but whatever)and I had to call my roommate to get the liner notes to confirm it.

And finally, no, we don't have any mother issues...what of it...

..."She's got a chicken to ri-ide"...

Hm, don't know if anyone mentioned this one, but my mom always swore Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty were saying "Stop Draggin My Car Around!" hee

Also, anything at all by the Cocteau Twins. I often wondered if she was just making noises or mixing languages, but just try to find lyrics! Even the song titles sound like something she misheard :)

Here's one for you.

A friend of mine used to swear blind that the chorus of Macy's Playground's "Sex and Candy" -- note the name of the song, folks -- went "sex and candle-lit hair" instead of "sex and candy, yeee-eeah". Exhortations to look at the title of the song found no purchase.

I always sing my own lyrics to songs, and it drives my boyfriend nuts!!!

1. In Mariah Carey's song "fantasy" (which is a god-awful terrible song, but I listened to it a lot when I was in 6 / 7th grade) I thought it was "Sweet, sweet medicine baby"

2. In "Rockafeller skank": "check it out now, the funk's in the rubber", which I know doesn't make a whole lotta sense, except that contraception is pretty cool.

3. In Massive Attack's Teardrop, I have the entire song lyrics wrong. This is what I sing at the top of my voice:

Down, down, deeper and down,

Makes me break my waters,

Fee-eels like sunlight,
Prayer

Why would someone sing about their waters breaking? Odd.

I love this thread. I have a million more that I can't think of right now.

*misheard

Raindog; BWeaves

Along with 'Africa' by Toto, which has also been (mis?)interpreted very nicely here, that friggin' line, "I'm not talkin' bout movin' in" had been yet another thorn up my ass for years, and I'm so glad you interpreted it for the rest of us.

Sadly, as I loved this song so much because I felt I was going through the same kind of thing with my girlfriend when it first came out, I scrutinized that line again, again, agai-- and even again..

and like you, raindog, I ended up adopting the "linens" line, and it became "I'm not talking 'bout the linens." But it don't stop there with me, my friend: I wonder just W-T-F!!! was so bad about the linens that it inspired this fuck to write a song about it?!

Oh sure, he SAYS, "I'm not talking 'bout the linens" - so why'd you bring the goddamn subject up in the FIRST place, dickweed?!! And he "don't want to change your life" (at least I understand THAT lyric, Mr. Immaculate Communicator)?? If you're so fucking upset about your precious fucking 'linens' that you gotta mention it in a song where you'd just rather see her tonight, e.g., shut the fuck up and let's just screw--well, you've just given away any trust I ever had in you, as a songwriter/artist/whatever-

Sorry, went on a tangent there (some after-work wine will do that) anyhow, keep 'em coming folks, I'm refreshing right after I post!

I still hear "I'm a pool hall ace" in The Police's Every Breath You Take (instead of "how my poor heart aches").

I laughed so hard at all of these!

And I only have one to offer: I always misheard "Devil with a Blue Dress On" as "Devil in a Bluegrass Song" which isn't entirely unreasonable, I suppose, but my dad did laugh A LOT when he heard me singing it that way.

I thought in "White Flags" by Dido that the line was:
"I know I've left too much death and destruction to come back again"
It's a minor flub, but it made Dido slightly less coma-inducing for a second.

On a more significant note, when I got the Jimmy Eat World CD, "Clarity," I used to sing the song "Believe In What You Want" as:

"Dancing in plastic C-cups now/
Do you believe in what you want?"

See, I made up an entire story about how it was about getting plastic surgery and becoming a stripper, and there was all that stuff about spinning and twirling, like on a pole. It seemed like a revolutionary statement. But, it turns out that the song states: "Dancing in plastic shake-up snow"

So.. what are the lyrics in Pour Some Sugar on Me? The last time I heard it on the radio it sounded like, "Livin like a bomb, baby come and get it on. Livin like a lover with a red iPhone." which is obviously not correct.

Also, in the Pearl Jam song "Rats" I thought for years it went, "Lick the dirt off Olajuwon's feet." I know now it's "a larger one's feet" but whatever... I knew they enjoyed basketball. seemed to fit at the time.

Dirty Deeds! Thunder chief!

!!!!!!!!!!!

I never would've remembered that, MG. And when you're 12 or 13 listening to AOR radio, how the hell ya gonna know better? That's like when I called 103She and tried to request "Love Removal Machine" without, you know, knowing a damn word. I just started Astburying for a moment and they hung up on me.

Regarding karaoke, performing "Long Cool Woman In A Black Dress" was a bewildering experience. I kept almost stopping saying "wait, no, that can't be right. IS it?" The internet says I was right, though. And could they give me a little reverb? No, they could not.

Trust your confused lyrical gut, karaokers! I don't have many good mishearings I can think of, but my favorite UNhearings were definitely aforementioned "Greased Lightning" ("....lotsa tit?! Damn, how I'd ever not notice this?) and Mr. Cougar's "suckin on a chili dog outside the Tastee Freeze". I couldn't even form wrong words outta that.

Brolin, I used to think that the lyrics to "Push it" were "Ah, this is bullshit." Hee!

TMax, your tangent about the linens had me giggling.

Nator, I think I love your dad. I WISH Tubthumping were a insightful indictment of the rampant depression and alcoholism Agri-Business leaves in it's wake as it destroys America's family owned farms.

Of course "Danny Boy" drinks (a whiskey drink, a cider drink, a lager drink, whatever...), he's got NO cows.

I can see the protest drives now (atop John Deere's).

We've got no cows.
But we get up again.
You're never going to keep us down.

Power to the people, man! Power to the people.

As this diversion proves, I could obviously be wrong, but I think pour some sugar on me starts off

"Hit me like a bong, baby come on get it on...yada no clue yada"

It's not SHE'S SO FUNKY, YEAH????

I'm shocked.

And stunned.

Late to the party, but I had to comment for two reasons. 1) Thank you guys for cracking my shit up after a looooonnnnggg and hateful day. 2) My friend in high school was the queen of mistaken lyrics. Please to enjoy:

Nenah Cherry's "Buffalo Stance" - she thought it was "Bucket of Sand". Yeah. Seriously.

"Jet Airliner" by the Steve Miller Band - she sang "Big Ol' Jed and Lionel, don't carry me too far away" - thought it was about moving guys...

Chicago's "If She Would Have Been Faithful", made more sense to her if sung thusly, "If she would have been paid for..."

And my favorite - INXS's "Suicide Blonde" - "Soup and Salad Bar". Because really, there just aren't enough songs about Souplantation!

I grew up listening to the oldies station out of Cleveland, so I learned a lot of wrong lyrics to songs I never knew (and never will know) who wrote them. The one my parents tirelessly remind me of is from a song with the following lyric:
"Ain't no woman like the one I got" (I think).

(Naturally?) as a child I thought it was:
"Ain't no woman like a one-eyed goat"

Guess I get a free pass for all deviancy...wait, what?

I scrolled all the way down, and not a single mention of Flashdance? My sisters and I (we grew up in the 80's) sang along to Irene Cara on the radio. Of course, we were singing "...take your pants off", while Irene wasn't.

'Everytime you go away, you take a piece of meat with you' - HEY it wasn't me but a friend of mine.

Then there was my sister's 'I guess you like gravy' instead of 'I miss you like crazy'

Yeah, so when I was a kid, I thought the song "I Don't Know Why I Keep Coming Back to You" was saying "I Don't Know Why I Tinkle In Bed for You"

Listen to it...

"Soup and salad bar" made me cry a little.

From a frequent-offender friend of mine:

"Psycho Chicken: que'est-ce que c'est? Bak bak bak bak bak, bak bak bak bak baaak."

Go West - "King of Wishful Thinking"

i swear i thought the line "i'll pretend my ship's not sinking" was actually "i'll pretend my shit's not stinking"

When my friend was a little girl, she and her sisters were convinced that the Rolling Stones' "Get Off of My Cloud" was "Hey! You! Alphabet Clown!"

My mom thinks that "Can't find a better man" lyric from Pearl Jam is "Can't find the buttermilk." When I was a kid I thought "Owner of a lonely heart" was "Only a baloney heart." Red Hot Chili Peppers: "Fly away on my cell phone" (instead of Zephyr).

Beehive25- That's because the Stones don't fucking enunciate. Your friend's way is better.

Anyone else misheard that song: "you better face it you're addicted to love"? I always thought it was "addicted to glove".

Or that Christmas song (and I still don't know the lyrics): "here we go a-mausoling, among the leaves so green! Here we go a-wandering, we're so fair to be seen! here we go, joy to you, and to you you're welcome to!"

GreenDay? "another turning point, a forked tongue in the road, tongue grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go"

Ooh, thanks, libraryliz, that reminded me of an old friend of mine who SWORE that same line was "Do the fucking lady"! No amount of reasoning (including pointing out that the song was so prevalent in Mrs. Doubtfire) could convince her that it was "Dude looks like a lady".

I manage to mangle the Star-Spangled Banner every time. I used to open with "Jose, can you see?" It goes downhill from there.

I thought Steven Tyler was singing "Do that funky lady"!

That Summer of '69 song, "Got my first real sex dream, by about five past nine"

And I thought Pink Floyd was singing "holding on is just another prick in the wall".

I always heard "I'm Alright" from Caddyshack as Ham on Rye. I just thought that Kenny Loggins wanted a sandwich.

My daughter, when much younger, used to sing "We're gonna rock down to Electric Caribou" instead of Electric Avenue (old disco-ey song).

My brother and I have regularly butchered lyrics throughout our lives, starting with our Tom T. Hall and Dr. Demento albums we had as kids. Neither one of us are strong auditory people, we're very visual. There are too many examples to even remember. I assume nowdays that any lyrics I think I hear are wrong until I read them online and confirm that I had them wrong.

And on behalf of a few others' imaginations:

someone made a contribution to the mondegreens site at the San Francisco Chronicle ("mondegreen" is the technical term for these things, you know) of hearing Jose Feliciano sing "Police naughty dog".

My dad was convinced that Billy Squire said "there's alllways SOMEthin!"

My mom heard MC Hammer say "Do the jerk, do the jerk at work".

I'm just glad I don't really know or have a connection to "The Weight". Seems to really be upsetting people. I was disappointed to find the line in "Slow Graffiti" was "a feeling of dread" rather than "feeling all dread" just because I liked that phrase more, but that's getting off lightly it seems. Now Jaci, I'm not saying you're a freak, I'm saying there's a really vulgar image in my mind right now, and it's hilarious. But what will the Manny who comes by here think?

And you *bet* your ass I like gravy, Gunter. I'm just sad I can't find a video clip for this:

Space Ghost: (invisos in, with gravy mustache) Greetings, I'm Space Ghost. We've all been drinking gravy, and preparing to suck up mightily to tonight's guests, (reads with great difficulty) Talk show Soup person John host Henson, and Goen Bob Entertainment person Tonight.

Brak: (off stage) I heard Hanson was here.

Space Ghost: Not Hanson, Henson. John Henson

Brak: Ohhh. Oh. Hey, Space Ghost, you got somethin' on your face.

Zorak: It's gravy.

Brak: Where'd ya get gravy?!

Space Ghost: In the commissary.

Brak: What is it, giblet?!

Moltar: No, it's brown.

Brak: Brown?! I'm goin' down there now! (scats to himself)

Space Ghost: Zorak, play something funky, I need to go get a Wet Wipe.

I don't see Wang Chung on this list. Can't remember the song title, but there is a line "Take your baby by the wrist and in her mouth an amethyst" What? Did I hear that correctly? Can anyone help me out here? Why would you shove a purple rock in her mouth?

Am I the only person who can't understand one fucking word Bob Dylan sings?

Maybe I'm the only person who had a little sister who was really into Pokemon back in the day...
But if anyone else out there knows the Pokemon theme song, it's much funnier to sing "Gotta catch Jamal!" instead of "Gotta catch them all!"

Stone Temple Pilots, Creep: The lyrics are "Take time with a wounded hand" but I always heard "Make time for a wounded ham".

Dance Hall Days, how did I miss that posting the first time through? My bad. The song is now stuck in my head, damn. Need a drink now.

My childhood obsession with Pearl Jam was possibly single-handedly spawned by having to look up all those lyrics in the liner notes!!

And now "Dance Hall Days" is also in *my* head. 24 years is it, now? Still have noooo clue what that song is sayin. IS it "cool on Christ"?

Susan, I think that's their cover of "Bizarre Love Triangle", but I'm now wondering what a "bolt" would mean in poo terms. And you reminded me of 1994, and I quite welcome that. And is the ham, you know, just mangled like the spiral cutter went apeshit or do you mean it's all dried out with just a bunch of scraps on the bone but nothing substantial left to get from it? The former's just fine, but the latter is indeed a bummer.

I love "farmer police" and I'd love a little girl in the backseat completely bemused by my renditions of Thom and Ed's voices. Gotta have something to look forward to.

Clown control to Mao Tse-Tung,
commencing countdown, engines on....

I apologize in advance if this has already been posted...Kenny Rogers Lucille:
"You picked a fine time to leeeaavvveee me Lucile, with four hundred children and a crop in the field."

Of course I thought of some more...

My mom used to sing, "mystery girl," instead of "promiscuous girl."

Aaaand I had a cousin who's last name is Moran and I thought that the Beach Boys knew her family or something because it definitely sounded like, "Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob Moran." Swear to God.

One more, John Mayer (I know I know, everyone like loves him around here right!?) in New Deep, the line is, "And talk is the same cheap it's been," but my best friend and I both thought it was "Dark as the same chi," and we didn't know what the fuck a chi was. Whatever.

Usually I'm a lyric nazi, but before you can look it up, it's fair game.

Weezer's "The Good Life." The line is apparently "shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night," but I heard "chicken booty makin' sweet love." I mean, have you seen Rivers Cuomo's ass? It made sense!

Ticket to Ride:

"She's got a ticket to ri-iiii-iiiiiide,
and she don't care.

My baby donkey.
My baby donkey."

Add me to the list of people who thought Alanis had been given a cross-eyed bear. I always pictured, you know, a cheap stuffed animal from a carnival game or something.

As a child, my younger brother was convinced the chorus to "Karma Chameleon" was "I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a chameleeeeooooon." "Roxanne" contained the lyrics: "Rocks! Aaaaand you don't have to worry -- not tonight!"

YMCA:

There's one line where I swear they say
"You can do what the fuck you feel"
I swear it.

When I was a little kid I used to sing Van Halen's "Somebody get me a doctor" at the top of my lungs ... I thought the words were "Somebody get me a diaper".

My sisters still tease me mercilessly for my misheard rendition of King of Pain from the police which I had assumed to be a tribute to one mans cue wielding mastery with the lyric, "I'm a pool hall Ace."

But I guess I had it coming after all the terrible things I did to them as children......

I thought it was cross-eyed bear, too, and I was 8 or 9. I always thought that was the reason she was so angry at the guy she was singing to. Y'know... because he gave her a cross-eyed bear. I'd be pissed.

There's a whole middle section in Imogen Heap's "The Walk" where I literally couldn't understand what she was saying for a whole verse. Then I looked up the words and you can only hear them if you know what you're looking for.

In The Postal Service's "Nothing Better," I didn't know for the longest time what the girl sings right before she says "if you keep tearing out the sutures."

Also Alanis: In "Forgiven" she says, "What I learned, I rejected / But I believe in you." Then according to me, she says: "Ass up without consequence / out of synchronition / If I jump in this fountain, / will I be forgiven?" Yes, I realize synchronition isn't a word, but it's what she says!

For a while I thought Ashlee Simpson was saying, "I danced with your boyfriend." I didn't understand why she felt she had to write a song about it.

The end of the second verse of Frou Frou's "Let Go" for me is: "Such boundless pleasure / Leave no time for later, now you've / Carved away, you roll around, you've / twenty seconds to complain." Most of Imogen's lyrics don't make sense anyway, so trying to decipher the correct string of random words through her slurred delivery sometimes proves to be pretty difficult.

Claire, Thanks for the laugh.
Sorry, I got nothin' else.

Kind of random, but it was something that I heard at work and then promptly freaked out over to my coworkers until proven wrong...

The song: "Groovin'" by the Young Rascals.
What I heard: "Life would be ecstacy/ You and me and Leslie/ Groovin' on a Sunday afternoon"
Actual lyrics: "Life would be ecstacy/ You and me endlessly/ Groovin'..."

Yeah, I still sing the pornier threesome version.

Friend of mine swore it was "Librarian Girl" and another always thought it was "Breakfast and tea for me"

susan said:Stone Temple Pilots, Creep: The lyrics are "Take time with a wounded hand" but I always heard "Make time for a wounded ham".

Funny, I always heard "Six times with a wounded hand", but I guess I was too focused on self gratification back then.

The late John Denver's "Country Roads": "Life is old here, older than the trees, younger than the mountains, thrown up by disease."

And Underworld's Karl Hyde attempts at lyrical kubism confused me so much I was certain I was mishearing things. But he does actually say "an eraser of love".

Thank God I work from home, because I have been laughing out loud through this entire Diversion.

I love the whole sub-category of "Lyrics As They Were Misunderstood By Mom and/or Dad," with the grand prize (so far) going to frumplefox's mother for:

"My mother insisted for a long time that the Kiss song went "I want to rock'n'roll all night, and part of every day." Way to be not cool, Mom...."

which I think will have me laughing at random moments for years to come.

He is my favorite. I love his songs. I saw him on "w e a l t h yR o m a n c e.c o m" last week. What is he looking for on that site?

I was telling my mother about this comment diversion and she told me that she and my dad still crack up everytime they hear "Tiny Dancer" because of my rendition.

Imagine if you will a boy of 10 belting out "Hold me closer Tony Danza", I was a big "who's the boss" fan... becasue of err.. Alyssa Milano ok... (looks around shiftily)

The Elton John song -

"Harmony" - I always thought he was saying Hominy. I mean, yeah, I eat the stuff, but damn, he must love it.

This isn't so much a misheard lyric as it is an intentionally altered one. When I was a kid, my brothers and sisters and I would sing the line "Trying hard to control my heart" from Madonna's "Crazy For You" as "trying hard to control my fart." To this day, any time that song comes on I sing it that way.

For years, up to about 5 years ago, I thought the final lyrics in "867-5309 (Jenny)" were "Christ, Oh my God, I can always turn to you." Rather than, "For the price of a dime I can always turn to you". I think that gem came out at happy hour, probably the same time it was revealed that I thought New England was a state (Shut up).

Coldplay's "Yellow", I hear: "Your skin, oh yeah your skin unfolds"

Like flaying or something.

Violent Femmes. I used to sing: Let me go wiiiild, like a twister in the sun, let me go wiiiiiild, Big man I know you're the one.

John Denver's Country Road: I heard: "Blue Ridge mountain shining on the river" (apparently it's shanendoah river.)... "life is old there, older than your knees"

It's not, it's older than the trees.

Also, we had a boy at my school named Leon Kitipornchai. (I could be spelling it wrong, but that was his name, I swear). I always heard Michael Jackosn sing "Leon Kitipornchai, don't stop til you get it up", and I thought it was cool that Leon had a song written about him. Albeit about impotence, but still.

Also on Michael, when I was really young, I thought the song Jam went something like "Jam... Vegemite.... Peanut Butter... Apricot... Jam"

And also, I only recently found out that MC Hammer doesn't say "Stop Pajama Time!". My sister thought that it was that too. We used to sing it together.

Oh crap, how could I forget. B-52's Love Shack. For the longest time I thought "tin roof, rusted." was

Heeeeeeeeeenry! Busted!

I always heard "I have to praise you like I should" as "I have to praise you like a shoe."

Could never quite make sense of that song.

just thought of another one.

remember the band presidents of the united states of america? remember their song "kitty?"

here's what i heard: "kitty ate my poop and i wanna touch it, kitty ate my poop and i wanna touch it."

My mom used to listen to Kenny Rogers albums when I was a kid and instead of hearing "You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille, with four hungry children and a crop in the field" . . . . I heard "with four HUNDRED children . . ." I remember asking my mom how anyone could have that many kids . . .

It wasn't until listening to it a few weeks ago that I actually read the title of the song

And that's how radio completely messes you up (see: me trying to request The Cult, with utter failure)

"little goose poop" has to at least get a ribbon or something.

Melina mentioned "All Apologies" up near the top. I definitely also heard "Choking on the ashes of a runaway", but had a few others from that verse:

Sunburn and Esther Salt
Everything's my fault
I'll take all the blame
I proceed from shame

I had no idea what the actual lyrics were until I looked them up just now.

Bryan Adams (Canadian artist for those who may never have heard of him) song "Summer of '69" has a line in it that says "I got my first real six string, bought it at the five and dime" and I've always heard "I got my first real sex change..."

and a work friend suggested The Clash's "Rock the Kasbah" might actually say "Scream if you like it."

"Tea and Cake and Buscuits" by Bachman Turner Overdrive.
"Little darling, the smile's returning to the feces." I knew the real lyric (obviously), but one time I was in a ridiculous mood and sang "feces" instead. Haven't been able to stop.
Same song... My sister thought "Here comes the sun, doo doo doo doo" was "Here comes the sun, little doo doo".

Bee Gees: Baldheaded woman, baldheaded woman to me.

Nelly Furtado's "I'm like a bird" sounds just like "hung like a bird". I even pointed this out to my wife, who agreed. Now I can't think of anything else.

My cousin misheard The B-52's "Dead Beat Club" line "we're the dead beat club" as "where the dead make love". I always knew she was not quite right.

My wife also likes to sing "free balling" on Tom Petty's "Free Falling".

I like the Alphabet Song, by Hootie and the Blowfish...

Letter I:if the tears fall down like rain
Letter C:if it eases all her pain
Letter O:let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Letter B:letter B.

Paul Simon's "50 Ways":

There must be... 50 names to call your mother

I thought my husband was the only person who heard "bald-headed woman" instead of "more than a woman" by the Bee Gees. Nice to meet you.

My five-year-old thought that Beyonce "Check up on it" (or whatever) song was about a chipmunk.

My husband's best friend insists that "stuck in the middle with you" is really "stuck in a riddle with you".

And, Scott, you're right about "hold me closer, Tony Danza" being from Friends. I think people are "mis-remembering" that one.

Looks like we're still on this today, so I've got one more. When my daughter was little, she always thought that "Good Lovin'" by the Rascals was "doodela" -- she'd sit in her carseat in the back of the car and sing it. To this day, that's what I think of when I hear the song.

Across the Universe:

Chai Guru Daya Om

Two for you. A Pearl Jam song, the name escapes me, but I hear, '4 (or) 5 virgins on a pelican' whereas the actual lyric is '4 (or) 5 versions of a pellet gun'.

My personal fave is the guy the radio DJ was talking about yesterday, who thought Marilyn Manson was singing, 'Beautiful meatball, beautiful meatball' instead of 'beautiful, the beautiful people'.

Wickedshimmi, it's "She's got electric boots, a mohair suit...". Yeah, I don't know what electric boots would look like, and a mohair suit just sounds uncomfortable.

I like your version better. It's like mother-daughter Fembots!

My favorites come from my daughter when she was wee. Twinkle Twinkle will forever have the line of "Up a Bubba, we so high."

This Old Man: "Nick nack titty whap, give the dick a bum."

I shit you not.

Three Doors Down - If I could be like that.

I always thought it sounded like, "fuck me like that.

Wickedshimmi: "Benni and the Jets"

She's got electric boots, a mohair suit, you know I read it in a magazine.

Those are the real lyrics, really.

*or maybe i'm just a fascist textualist. all singular-like.

For years and years and years, I was convinced that in Bush's "Cold Contagious" they were actually saying "cold potatoes." My uncle and his vast cd collection corrected me, and I've never lived it down.

Also KatSings I didn't know that Fallout Boy lyrics WASN'T "loaded gun complex" until JUST NOW. I have to say "God complex" makes a lot more sense...

Remember Terence Trent Darby? "Sign Your Name Across My Heart" was the song name, I think. But, my little brother always sang it as: "Spiderman across my heart!"

And Hot Hot Heat's song "Bandages"...I always thought it was "Bag of Juice, Bag of Juice!" until it clicked one day that it actually be the title of the song they're singing! Duh!

Sade's "Smooth Operator" was really, "Soon I parade-ah", right?

Nine Inch Nails - Down In It; I thought "I was up above it" was "How is everybody?"

Yeah. Doesn't really flow with the whole vibe of the song, does it.

KateNonymous; I mishear Thompson Twins "Hold me Now" but I hear:

Hold me now
(oh come and hold my heart)
Hold my heart
(oh my poor retarded heart)

It never fails. I'm not even sure what they really say. But it sure is fun to belt it out.

Nazareth-This Flight Tonight. I always thought it went like this;
It wasn't the one that you gave to me
That night down south between the trailers
Not the early one, that you wish upon
Not the other one, that guys into sailors.
Apparently the last line is;
Not the Northern one, that guides in the sailors.

I am SO bad with lyrics. I get most of them wrong. There's a few I've been called out on.

"Crazy in Love" by Beyonce...the Jay-Z spot he says "crazy and deranged, crazy and deranged", which I was convinced was "crazy in the rain, crazy in the rain".
"Bandages" by the Canadian band Hot Hot Heat...instead of "Bandages" we were certain it was "Manjo Juice" and "Bag of Chips" before we found out the name of the song.

There's several more. Of course, "Wrapped up like a douche" is the epic one. I still sing like that, even after looking up the lyrics.

Also, I had a friend who thought the band Alice In Chains was a chick named Alison Chains.

Last one, because I'm so late to this.
Nelly Furtado's Like a Bird . . . I didn't mishear it so much as mis-sing it. The line is:
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is.

Well, I would mix up home and soul, but realize it as soon as I heard the "s" from soul and quickly correct it in time to get:
I don't know where my hole is.

Every time.

And . . . that first Macy Gray single, I Try? Near the end doesn't she suddenly scream out "Santa Claus!!"

Too late?

For years we debated the Bob Marley lyrics in the chorus to Jammin', which sound like, "Wotcha-wa-wa-wa." My friend insisted Marley was singing, "F*ck chijuajua war." I thought he was singing the rhetorical question, "What Jah want with war?"

Sadly, today I learned the lyrics really are "Wotcha-wa-wa-wa." What a letdown.

Van Halen's "Panama", I hear "Cannonball"

and I just recently learned the ELO song "Medieval Woman" was just plain "Evil Woman"

So that song that goes, "Everytime you go away....you take a piece of me with you..." Yeah I thought it said, "take a piece of meat with you." I always wondered why she was taking his steaks! What a bitch!

Oh my friend always thought it was "Secret Asian Man" which brings to mind so many funny scenarios.

@ jbrader thank you so much. It all makes sense now...I knew he wasn't just mumbling about some meanie named Dave

"Crosseyed and Painless" by the Talking Heads. I swore Byrne was singing "snail wedding" instead of "still waiting."

More obscure but also more bizarre, "Kanske Ar Jag Kar I Dig" by Jens Lekman, I heard, "I offered you some chocolates/ you declined so sweetly and vomited on my jacket." I believe it is actually "commented" and not "vomited", but I like mine better.

I know I've misheard a lot of lyrics...but the one that makes me laugh at myself the most is mishearing a line in 'O Canada' as "we stand on God for thee."

Madonna "I'm a Cheerio girl"

i was 7 at the time that album was released

I couldn't resist ...

"JoJo was a man who thought he was a woman, but he was another man."

My brother and his friends made this one up, so it's not a real misheard, but I thought of it with the Papa Roach comment above:

Cut my cake into pieces,
This is my last dessert.
Chocolate frosting,
No whipped cream,
Don't give a - if there's a cherry or not!

And please Alanis, "cross eyed-bear," makes way more sense than "the cross I bear that you gave to me." If I do say so myself.

My father has always delighted in pointing out that my mother thought the opening words to Roger Miller's "King of the Road" (to wit, "trailers for sale or rent") were "sailors for sailorettes".

Sailorettes??

My friend's mother was absolutely convinced that Depeche Mode were singing,

Just can't get it up, I just can't get it up,
We slip and slide as we fall in love,
And I just can't seem to get it up for you...

Another friend thought Alanis Morissettes's Ironic contained the line,

Like a death row hard-on, two minutes too late...

And while not misheard my band used to do a version of ZZ Top's Gimmee All Your Lovin' that went,

Gimmee all your money,
All your drugs and liquor too!

Aww I wish I could have chimed in sooner!
My favorite belongs to my little brother who happened to be in high school at the time. He was just getting into rap and Shaggy was popular and had this song "It wasn't me" that involved getting caught cheating "banging on the bathroom floor." My mom overheard him singing about "banging on the bathroom door," she was laughing so hard she really didn't have the heart to correct him.

I went to college with a girl who swore that Tom Petty was singing "A Needle Nose' instead of "I Need to Know." She defended this rigorously by pointing out that he had a long, thin nose.

One of my sisters knew someone who thought the old War song "Slipping into Darkness" was "Stepping into Dog Mess," and would sing this at the top of her lungs.

Two variants on misheard lyrics already posted:

Fall Out Boy: "Wishing to be the freak shit in your cheese" (I don't think I've ever googled misheard lyrics faster than this one... it was just TOO wrong).

Johnny Rivers: "Secret Cajun Man" (This particular variant came from a nice Louisiana boy I knew in college)

And now for something completely different... The Foundations: "Why do you build me a buttercup baby?" (What WOULD that poor child look like?)

Well there's that song Somebody Told Me by... Franz Ferdinand or the Killers or some other terrible band...

I thought it was something

Somebody told me
You had a boyfriend
Who looks like my girlfriend
Except for a goatee and penis
It's not confidential, he's a transexual.

But I suppose my biggest mistake was with Hendrix' Purple Haze. I thought it was a gay anthem.

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy!"

Also ..

Sugar Ray's "I just wana fly"
I always heard - My mama's on birth control.
When its really - My mama God rest her soul

My first time posting here, but I had to crawl out and share this:

Song: Tipsy
Artist: J-Kwon
Actual Lyrics: Everybody in the club gettin tipsy
What my 6 year-old son heard: Everybody in the club eatin chips

I like my son's version better.

My mother and I (whilst I am in my sulky teen years) listening to Prodigy in the car:

Mom: I like this. It's like you're a celebrity.

Me: Huh?

Mom: You know "Snap my picture!"

The song, of course, was Slap My Bitch Up.
Still makes me laugh to this day the way she sang along with her lyrics.

Probably WAY late on this one, but my favorite misheard lyric is from (I think it's) YES: Owner of a Lonely Heart.

To me it sounds like Odor of a Raunchy Fart.

Don't you think ???

I always heard Rockell's "We Just Disagree" as "Preachers disagree."

Which they do, of course.

forgive me if any of these are repeats:

mine- pete townsend's let my love open the door, to my ears was...let milo open the door.

my wife's- kyrie eleison down the road that i must travel was...carrying a laser down the road that i must travel

a co-worker- at the end dave matthews' tune crash he sings "hike up your skirt a little more..." a guy i worked with thought he said "hike up your skirt little boy" he always hated that song and thought matthews was a perv.

Wow, thanks to you all! Some of these made me cry from laughing so hard.

And for one you haven't seen yet: my friend thought that the first line of LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out" was "Don't call me a kumquat" instead of "Don't call it a comeback".

Yes, I can't remember if I said it before, but this was GOLD. Thank you all.

The whole song sounded like such an acid trip to me with this scary voiced man singing about blue skies and clouds.

Well now you have to go hear Nick Cave dueting with Shane MacGowan on said song. Double your scary man, Double your fun!

Prodigy's "Smack My Bitch Up"...Have to admit that I always thought "Suck My Big Toe" was weird but loved the song anyway!

this has inspired my first ever comment too!

Years ago my dad said he'd heard a new song but didn't understand why they said:

I got no towels,
I get up again,
I thought this was a cheap hotel.

It took me 2 days to figure out he was talking aout Chumbawamba's "Tub Thumping"!

I always wondered why it bugged Mark Knopfler so much that the yoyos on MTV received both money for nothing and checks for free. My bank gives me free checks, it's no big thing really.

And I knew Queen probably wasn't singing about pork, but I always heard

He's just a poor boy
From a poor family
Sparing his life
For his warm sausagey

I wasn't sure what this meant, but I gathered that sausage meant a lot to poor people.

Finally: when I was little, I thought the Bee Gees were singing about "living in a world of roots, breaking us down", and asked my parents if 'How Deep Is Your Love' was from Roots. Apparently in 1977 I knew just enough pop culture to get everything wrong.

I had no idea what a sex guitar was

Chrysis, I'm pretty sure Prince played one during his Super Bowl halftime show.

Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you...

Sometimes it's a hotdog, sometimes it's a steak.

For years, every time CSI came on I happily sang along with the lyrics "Blue Water... Blue, Blue!"

I guess "Who are you?" Does make more sense, but mine is more fun to sing.

Also, the old Hall and Oates "Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you"... I misheard as "Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you."

I always thought Christina Aguilera was saying: "I'm a genie in a bottle gotta rub me to ride me" which didn't surprise me with her, but it always made me wonder why it would get airplay so early in the day.

I still prefer that to "rub me the right way"

I always thought that Come Together by the Beatles said "He wear no shoeshine he got toe-jam football" I thought it he likes Georgia Football. That makes zero sense.

In the song - 'Alright Now' by Free they say 'Let's move before they raise the parking rate'. But if you listen close it'll be hard to tell if they're saying 'Parking Rate' or 'Let's move before they raise the fucking rent'.

Back in junior high, my friend called the local pop station to request TLC's "Waterfalls", only she asked for "Don't Go Chasing Waterbuffalos"...

A few years later my sister and I convinced my mom that the chorus to Avril Lavigne's "I'm With You" was "Damp cold night" (with a lot of emphasis on the damP")

I have a friend that, until we clarified it for her, thought the lyrics for "Jet Airliner" (Steve Miller Band) were "big old jet out of Lino." She had no idea where Lino was, but a jet was leaving from there!!

There was this comedian who did a skit about his friend singing "Jet Airliner" as "Bingo Jed had a light on" and to this day, I still sing those lyrics because that's just funny.

And, like everyone else, I still sing CCR as "there's a bathroom on the right."

i'm a little late to this dance, but i've got to tell you, you guys are hilarious. brilliant, thank you for the laughs! when i was quite young, the beatles's 'she's got a ticket to ride' was 'she's got chicken and rice.' to this day, whenever i hear that song i think of campbell's chicken and rice soup.

For years I happily sang along to George Michael's careless whisper with real gusto "I'm never gonna dance again, can't you see I've got no rhythm" until I heard my auntie belting out I'm never gonna dance again, these two feet have got no rhythm" after much disagreement as to who's version was correct we discovered that we were both wrong and it is in fact guilty feet have got no rhythm. We still stick to our own versions though as we prefer them. If that wasn't bad enough I used to love the line in Micheal Jackson's You are not alone which goes: I can hear your prayers, Your burgers are the best.

I was disappointed when I eventully learned the real lyrics as I thought mine was better.

I still believe that on Hot Hot Heat's hit single "Bandages", they are chanting "panda jizz".

From Gwen Stefani-Sweet Escape

Actual lyric..

It's your fault, you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold

WTF I hear to this day...

It's your fault, you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason "the napkins are cold"

Damn numnut!

"Should have been a Cowboy" by Toby Keith
my wife thought the lyrics to the line "Wearing my six-shooter riding my pony on a cattle drive" was "Wearing my sex shoes"

i had a buddy singing to metallica's 'sad but true' rather loudly and with slight head-banging... 'Sad Patrol!' he was a jackass.

and i actually always thought in the song 'shame' by stabbing westward he was singing 'how can i have sex without you.' i like that better than 'how can i exist without you.' it actually makes more sense to me, i mean, it's logical...

I have some funny ones but am laughing too hard about what my daughter thought the lyrics to the "old ballgame" (or whatever the name)were to think.
So she was about 6 and I would have her sing this for everyone, what a bad parent I am.
"And its one, two, three scratch your eyes out at the old ball game" : )

Bonny Tyler (boiy that dates me!) :
"It's a hard egg
Nothing but a hard egg love him til his balls break never let him down......."

Steve Miller's "Chuggalug is Strawberry there, she's making me crazy"...

Actually it's Jungle Love. I didn't win a contest when I called in to complete the "Great opening lines" singing that one.

A couple dated ones from my family:

In Mariah Carey's "Always be my Baby"
Real lyric: "Time can't erase a feeling this strong"
Our lyric: "Sean Connery's feeling strong."

In Julian Lennon's "Much too Late for Goodbyes"
Real lyric: "Much too late for goodbyes"
Our lyric: "Much too late for the fries."

this is the best diversion ever. i'm cracking up all over the place. there are so many of these in my brain, and it's annoying me now that i can't think of but a scant few. i'll just leave this one: when i hear 'this ain't a scene' by fall out boy (gag me), i feel compelled to sing it the way i heard it first- instead of 'this ain't a scene it's a goddamn arms race' i sing 'lucy lucy is a goddamn assface.' it's much more satisfying.

Radiohead's The Bends...

"Baby's got depends"

Oh and Paramore songs are so bad for mis-hearing lyrics, I think it's the accent of the lead singer perhaps?

I thought it was "Woooahh, I never meant to break", and "Still it's all away from you now".

Prince's "When Doves Cry" -- my brother always thought it was "Maybe you're just like my mother; she never sat inside" rather than "she's never satisfied..."

I beat him up for that.

Gorillaz's "Clint Eastwood."

The actual lyrics: "Remember where the thought is."
What I heard: "Remember where the car is."

'cause, hey, I figured, a song about drugs, if you're high, it'll probably be difficult to find where you parked.

Steppenwolf's "Born To Be Wild" So many misheard lyrics in this one for me...and like a troop make's its tribe, we were born born to be wild, suppose to be (I was told) like true natures child.
From grade school singing "Oh when the saints" I heard not in the field artilery, but...tilafaliry, one word.

In the Beatles "Across the Universe" the opening mantra sounds like "Giant hooters; Danger!"

Ok so i heard the song in my freinds car and he lost he C.D and he got the C.D from someone else so we dont know the Name.
It is a rap song i has do your ears hang low Melody (then with heavy bass goes) Niggas wanna fight........ or something like that
it is not do yo chain hang low
can you help

And, Brooks and Dunn's country hit "Neon Moon" says "this pain inside of me aint never gonna end." But it sounds like "this pain and sodomy aint never gonna end."

I have a friend who despised Madonna for a long time. When I finally asked why, she quoted these lyrics: "Like a virgin, fucked for the very first time." Oh, well.