Pajiba

That header pic, boner alert!

It's a little to recent to go into details but Innocent When You Dream by Tom Waits is the song I can't listen to anymore.

Come Away With Me by Nora Jones. He wanted me to, but I couldn't.

"I'll have a Blue Christmas Without You"
Not a pop song, but whether it's Elvis or any cover, I can't hear it.
My father died 1 day before Thanksgiving, and that song is just impossible to take, even ten years later.

Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette.

LOVED that song. LOVED IT.

Now it just makes me violent thanks to the idiot I was dating at the time. Pisses me off, because I can't disassociate the song with that period of my life and I really want to like it again.

Funny, it's also Linger by The Cranberries. And it also comes from a 'Harry Met Sally' relationship I had with a girl. While not intending to, she totally led me to thinking that we'd end up together. And then one night at the bar when I (for no real reason) thought we'd finally hook up, I saw her slow dancing with another guy to that song. The lyrics ("I'm such a fool for you / you've got me wrapped around your finger") were so insanely appropriate that if the scene was in a movie I'd roll my eyes at its obviousness.

That song still kills me.

China by Tori Amos. It was the tragic soundtrack to the unrequitedness of the first guy I really fell hard for.

Anything from fucking Nirvana, RHCP, or Pearl Jam makes me homicidal. 101X in Austin plays these bands ad nauseum every fucking five minutes. Never mind that these bands were fucking relevant 15-20 *years* (Years, people, not minutes, not weeks, not months, YEARS) ago. I typically keep my car radio tuned to NPR but every now and again I switch to 101X to hear some music and I shit you not, 9 times out of 10, they're playing fucking Smells like Teen Spirit, or some such shit.
Holy shit, my blood pressure is elevated just typing this.

Thousand Miles from Nowhere by Dwight Yoakam, well almost anything by Dwight, but that one I can barely type about without tearing up. Bad relationship, worse break up.

"Jerry was a race car Driver", Primus.

No emotional stories, I just heard it over, and over, and over, and over because it was on the first Tony Hawk Pro Skater game, and the double farty bassline/guitar riff drives me UP THE WALL.

I'll still listen, but there's things certainly. Describing a situation or "that became her band" (which takes a long while to regain) or it was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.
So...

"The Lights" Juliana Hatfield

"What Do I Do Now?" Sleeper by Elvis Costello

Those Sonics and Silver Jews albums I bought in another city a day before I got dumped and have never opened.

Still haven't gotten or heard Belle & Sebastian's latest album.

"Den Trawler" by The Spinanes

"No Language In Our Lungs" by XTC

"Don't Wait That Long" by James, "So Cruel" by U2, "Mercury"/"Hula Doll" by The Wedding Present, "I Know It's Over" by The Smiths ("Rank" particularly), "Bobby Peru" by Luna, "Fever" by Peggy Lee (actually I do avoid that one) aaaaaand "10:20 a.m." by Spoon (GAWD!)

Lauren- my mother passed away recently from cancer and we had Neil Young playing in her room when she died and consequently I cannot listen to any of his songs without being a complete wreck. So I totally understand what you're talking about, though hopefully your mother's prognosis is not quite so dire. For what it's worth, I listen to a lot of crappy dancy/pop music if I'm having a bad day and find Ke$ha to be a bit more satisfying. Best of luck to you and your family while you try and make it through an extremely difficult time.

"CB Savage." I don't want to talk about it.

Oh yeah, "Divorce Song" by Liz Phair (actually that whole album got fucked up for me, she was the one who gave it to me)

Plus, I played "Morningside" by Neil Diamond and "Tank Park Salute" at my dad's funeral (I mean I put them on a tape). I did that to myself. "Hope" by R.E.M. is the song the tape was set to when I got in my car right after being told he'd died by my mom at my office, but that just made it inspiring evermore. I've long wanted to thank Stipe for that.

The following are songs I can listen to, but they’re attached to heavy baggage, so they will always provoke a moping around period after:

In The End by Linkin Park
Sleep to Dream by Fiona Apple
The Roof by Mariah Carey
4am by Our Lady Peace

Metallica sucks. Shut up.

All Dashboard Confessional causes a visceral reaction in me. Pretty sure the fact that all of my boyfriends between 1999 and 2006 idolized Chris Carrabba caused this.

"Beast of Burden" by the aforementioned Stones. The song an ex really enjoyed because her new boyfriend like it. Of course the fact that she mentioned while we were allegedly still dating made it a little awkward.

It makes me even more upset now:

Tears Dry On Their Own by Amy Winehouse

I was with a series of douchebags before DarthCorleone, and the lyrics really take me back to that unhappy era of my life.

"Candle in the Wind" by Elton John. I was like 6 or 7 and my great-grandmother had just died. It came on the radio and I remember running to my parents' room and crying because I missed Little Grammy, as I called her. Anytime I hear the song, I think of her.

I don't really have any songs that are tied to guys I dated. I suppose that's a good thing, because it means no one has ruined a song for me.

I came up with my own idea of the "Personal Do Not Play List" several years ago when my mother mentioned that she hates the song "Cathy's Clown" by the Everly Brothers. It seems, when they were teenagers, my mom and dad broke up for some amount of time and he went on a date with a girl named Cathy (for the record, my dad does not remember this. Then again, he was a teenage-boy). She has hated that song ever since, even though they got back together, got married, had kids, and divorced. I found that kind of sweet, that so many years later, a fairly innocuous song could still feel that way. I have several songs I just can't listen to, which may make me extra sensitive.

1. I'm Sorry -- John Denver. This came out the year my parents got divorced. My father played it for my mother. I'll leave it at that.

2. "Something So Right" -- Paul Simon. This is on "There Goes Rhymin' Simon" and reminds me way too much of the first boy I was in love with. He was not in love with me. You know how it goes. "They've got a wall in China/A thousand miles long/To keep out the foreigners they built it strong/I've got a wall around me you can't even see/It took a little time to get next to me."

3. "And So it Goes" -- Billy Joel. The way I remember it, my then best friend played this for me around the time he started dating his now wife and the cracks in our friendship were just beginning. But now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure it was a lot earlier (the song came out in 1990), but I associate it very strongly with him and since it is about the end of a relationship, the end of our's. Not to mention, he cried when he played it, which reminds me of why I loved him. Damn that Billy Joel anyway.

4. "Wildflowers" -- Tom Petty. Same friend as above played this one for me and said it reminded him of me. That was enough to get it on this list, but then it came on while I was riding with my friend Lynn, a month or so after our friend Sue died. Lynn said she always thinks of Sue whenever she hears it. That is a double whammy.

5. "Good Luck Fire Chief" -- Brian Lillie. So no link for this one, he is an Ann Arbor singer/songwriter. When I worked in Constantine, I became very close to the fire chief, Tom. He was in his mid-50's, very funny, and so alive. I loved him dearly. He had had a heart attack 20 years before, and those troubles started again. He died a couple of days after I started a new job in Ann Arbor and I was not able to go to his funeral (something I deeply regret). Around the time Tom's heart problems began, I saw Lillie perform this song and thought it was funny because Tommy was having no luck at all. It is a goofy little tune about a zany small town (and rings fairly true, in spirit anyway), but to me it is about Tommy. This is the only one of these songs that shows up on regular basis, since I have the album of the same name on my ipod; sometimes I can hear it and remember how funny he was, most of the time I just miss him. "So good luck Fire Chief, where ever you're going/I hope you have buildings to burn."

Juice Newton, "The Sweetest Thing". I made a slideshow based on that song for my niece's funeral. I can't even think about it.

Wow, this is an awesome topic and one that is really hard for me to answer.

I have hundreds of songs that make me feel a certain way or remember a certain thing like a punch to the gut, good or bad. Music is the roadmap to my entire life, and things that happened, happened. I can't bear to let a song go completely. People will come and go in your life, but your songs? Your music? They will never leave you, and there's just something too beautiful about that.

However, the two songs that immediately come to mind as tough to get through are:

"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by The Pretenders (there's already something heart-achingly beautiful about Chrissie's vocals on it)

and

"Smoke" by Ben Folds Five, which is just a fantastic song, period.

Oh, and Jay, you gotta open up those Sonics albums. They're just too good. You've not heard rock and roll until you've heard a distorted saxamaphone, distorted only because its just so damn loud.

"Hotel California." Not for any big emotional reason, just because they play it on the radio ALL THE TIME and I've heard it as many times as anyone needs to hear any song, ever.

Songs - "Cape Canaveral", "Lenders in the Temple" and "Milk Thistle" by Conor Oberst. When I found out that my mother's cancer diagnosis was more serious than we thought, I was at a work conference. I spent about fifteen minutes googling out-of-date information and seeing horrifying statistics and spent the next hour wandering around outside my hotel listening to these songs because his voice was soothing me. My mom pulled through after treatment and is very healthy now, thankfully. Lauren, I'm really sorry about your mom - hopefully things turn out well for her too.

Album: Brokeback Mountain Soundtrack. I went through a year-long depression around the time this movie came out and I became obsessed with it (I think I saw it 5 times in the theater). I listened to the soundtrack constantly, and now even a few notes of the score or Willie Nelson's "He Was a Friend of Mine" can make my knees buckle. I bought the DVD when it came out, but haven't watched it once.

This is more for safety's sake than actually enjoying the singer or ever having listened to him a lot.

You Wreck Me by Tom Petty

Not only is it a terrible song from a singer who should have hung it up years ago, but it always leads to bad things, namely, car accidents. I have heard that song 3 times in my life on the radio. All three times, before the song ended, I've been hit by other drivers hard enough to cause me physical harm, enough so that I've had months and months of physical therapy and have lingering body pains and problems to this day.

So FUCK THAT SONG! And fuck that bullshit Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts movie that came out a couple weeks ago right in the face for using it anytime they played an ad on TV or on the radio. Goddamn movie put my life at risk. I'm glad it sucked. And I'm glad it was out of theaters in 9 minutes!

Sunday afternoon, my first and only date in high school, saw "Alice's Restaurant". The Supremes' "Up The Ladder To The Roof" was on the AM. Few years later--first boyfriend, college, Diana Ross on the radio - "Touch Me In The Morning" - while Mr. First drove me to the bus station. Coincidence?

Our Hearts Are Wrong by Jessica Mayfield.

Newer yes but after listening to it ad nauseum earlier this year I can just barely hear it now without wanting to burst into tears...

The Iron and Wine cover of "Such Great Heights". I was once engaged and first thing we decided with the wedding was our first song. Then I found out he had nailed everything that wasn't nailed down during our 2.5 year relationship, had a second girlfriend on the side to whom he had also proposed (I should've been a bit more concerned that my ring was taking so long to "resize"), oh, and she was pregnant. My scars have healed, but that songs opens the flood gates of emotions for me still. Nausea, depression and intense fire-of-a-million-suns rage. Stupid jerk ruined that song for me forever.

I don't have a song that really fits the question. I do have strong associations with many songs, but none of them are terribly negative, and if they are slightly negative, I like to reflect on even the lows of the journey.

That said, I have found that some songs that were associated with one thing can be reclaimed by tying them to another more recent event (even if it's not quite as momentous). I've never actually tried this idea, but I had it in my mind that if you wanted to banish the tie of a song to an ex, you could simply have a ridiculous amount of sex (perhaps in unusual places or positions) to that same song with your current paramour, and that new memory would assume priority.

Needle and the Damage Done by Neil Young, for all the reasons you might think. Joe had been dead a year when friends of mine performed that at a coffee house (they didn't know Joe) and I completely lost it because I was still so hurt and angry.

While it makes me cry every time, I do listen to The Power of Two by The Indigo Girls. It was my sister & her partner's song, and we played it at their funeral. Wear your seatbelts, people.

With you on the Taylor Swift thing... I'd never heard any of her music before, but our annual canoe trip with red necks (think of a strange outreach program...no not really, just an old friend of my boyfriend) and all they listen to is that crappy "new country" bull shit. So the "Why you gotta be so mean" song and another one by some dude, I just remember the line "a cold beer in the console" sweet jebus!??!

And this really did happen... our ride back from the river with the toothless driver... what came on the radio? (seriously... no lie) Dueling Banjos. It was a radio station, seriously.

My Girl and You are My Sunshine. They were songs that I sang to my daughter when she was a newborn, they were also the songs that I put on the slideshow to be played at her funeral. I can't hear or sing either to my two little girls without crying.

I'm with Stella on the Nirvana hate. And I listen primarily to a station that plays CURRENT alternative hits, yet every fucking hour, they stick that goddamn Smells like Teen Spirit in there, and I hated that fucking song back when it came out, back when I was in college. And that was a LONG time ago, people. College sucked for me, for various reasons, and Nirvana became the soundtrack for that whole miserable period in my life. Now all it takes is a few chords of one shitty Nirvana song to make me shriek in horror and switch the station.

The Knife Heartbeats. I wasn't gooood enough for Mia.

Yikes - y'all have had some tough turns. Jesus. I feel like an ass even mentioning that some songs give me the blues.

"Walting Matilda" always made me really, really sad.

Okay, I remember one: "Purple Rain" by Prince hurts to hear. I found it in my mid-20s that my best friend from junior high (who I'd grown apart from) had gotten killed in a car accident. She absolutely loved Prince and that song was popular when we were friends.

Hear you Me, by Jimmy Eat World destroys me every time I hear it. It just happened to be the album i was listening too in my car when I was called and informed about the death of a family member. And now whenever I hear it it drags me kicking and screaming, back to that depth of grief. Instant watery eyes and emotional surge.

Cannonball - The Breeders. *sigh*

baddog and Nicole thanks for the kind words of support. I find a lot of comfort in this strange community of people who are going through/have gone through the cancer wringer.

Todd, I'm so with you on "Hotel California." Ugh, I'm shuddering just typing that.

If you're not all totally weeping after reading this thread, this story about having to hide from The Beatles will have you on the floor.

Rufus Wainwright's cover of Hallelujah. I listened to it on repeat after my best friend died in a car accident years ago. If I even think about the notes to the song I start sobbing...

Anybody else get sad thinking of a perfect damn stranger's sad song? My roommate from college had a high school friend who got killed in a car accident and they played "Here Comes the Sun" at his funeral because he loved the song so much. Twenty years later, I still think of this kid I didn't even know when I hear the song!

Forever my Father by Go Radio. My brother and mom dealt with the emotional and verbal wrath of dad before my mom finally divorced him (shortly after dad told me that he wanted nothing more to do with me or my bro), and he played it for me one day and we both lost it. We've been estranged with my dad for over a year now, and the song is a reminder of the loss and the fact that he would rather disown us than try to build a better relationship with his kids.

On the up side...I have the best mom in the world.

Honorable Mention: Angel by Sarah McLachlan, because of those damn ASPCA commercials.

You're In My Heart. Not a huge Rod Stewart fan but an old love told me this song reminded him of me. The little prick later blindsided me, and I never had closure. I still hate that song.

Jack and Neal, Tom Waits. An old friend died of a heroin od and at home after the funeral, Mr. Kirbyjay put on the album Foreign Affairs. I told him to shut it off, it was too soon. I listen to it now and think of Matty but I couldn't then. He used to spar with Micky Ward and did drugs with Dickie Ecklund from "The Fighter"

Fire and Rain, James Taylor, and How Can You Mend a Broken Heart, The Bee Gees. My very best (guy) friend died in a car accident when I was 17. I still can't listen to these two songs without getting misty.

"Trapeze Swinger" by Iron & Wine.

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MelBivDevo: Sniff, I called my late grandmother Grammy. :'(

Can't think of anything that I've ever liked that I can't listen to, but I can think of a million songs that I despised from the first moment I heard them. For example, every fucking song Britney Spears ever. Hate!

I have several songs that for a quite some time fall into this category but eventually I welcome them back and like two ol' friends who just lost touch meet up and ask "why haven't we gotten together in so long... oh yeah, for a while there you were a real bitch!"
Or is it just me that says things like that?

But there are a few that for varying reasons have yet to be re-invited to the soundtrack of my life. There's the obligatory "it was our song" type ("Wonderful Tonight" Eric Clapton), the "it was her song" ("Tiny Dancer" Elton John), but the main offender is the "I never really liked this song but she certainly played the hell out of it on my ipod and it never forgot to this day" ("Scars" Papa Roach, "Sorry" Buckcherry, pretty much every track of the Juno soundtrack).

I could have reset the play count on them, but that would have been a hollow victory. I instead made a 50 most played playlist and then worked at knocking them out of the playlist one at a time, through normal listening routines.... as opposed to just playing "I Don't Care About You" over and over on a loop to boot #1

"Set The Fire To The Third Bar" by Snow Patrol. It was my first big relationship and I was absolutely crazy about her. I remember we would always sing it together and I'd play it on the guitar. She turned out to be an awful bitch, so I don't like to remember it. So I don't listen to that one anymore.

Really anything by Coldplay.

My first girlfriend from when I was 15 and I used to make out while we listened to them. I never really liked them much before I knew her, but they were her favorite band, and I actually got to like them because of her. We also broke up not long after seeing them live. That was several years ago, and there's been a few women since her, but nothing as long or as meaningful as what I had with her has come of anything. We still talk from time to time, and I think both of us (at least I KNOW I do) want to get back together somewhere deep down inside, but it seems like we've decided it can't work for reasons neither of us can explain. She's the first and only girl I've ever really loved, and hearing some of the songs we used to listen to just kills me. I'm 19, and I know I have plenty of time to find love and blablabla, but I'm starting to realize I don't think I'll ever forget her. Ah well, no more Coldplay.

"Held in the Arms of Your Words" by Tired Pony

The Macarena. Because it wouldn't stop until it was too late.

For me, it has to be "You've Got a Friend" Carole King. My mother used to sing it to us when we were children. She had a beautiful voice.

Years later, my brother chose it as the song they would dance to together at his wedding. She was able to dance, but just barely, as she was recovering from surgery to remove a brain tumor. I cannot hear it now without seeing her and hearing her voice overlaid on whomever has recorded it.

Pearl Jam's Black. Which is a pity because its such a lovely number.

Innocent by Our Lady Peace

I really have kind of avoided them for quite some time because I used to love them, but that song just is too much to listen to, and after the first time I broke down in tears in public, I had to just cut myself off.

"Somebody" by Depeche Mode. Thought it was applicable in every way to the relationship I had with the love of my life who I am now divorcing.

Two songs, each from separate heartbreaks:

1. "Don't Speak" by No Doubt. I literally sang this on repeat for 3 1/2 hours on a drive home from college to see my Mom after a DEVASTATING break-up.

2. "On a Bus to St. Cloud" by Trisha Yearwood. I had no idea how apropos the words to the song would be when the guy I was MADLY in love with played it for me in the car on what would be the last night we spent together for another 3 years.

Actually, just thinking about either song kinda gives me the creeps now.

Needle in the Hay by Elliott Smith and Hurt, by NIN. I went through a period where I started shooting methamphetamine with a friend that I had known for years. He introduced me to it, and I slowly watched him wither away to a shadow of his former self. Took me a while to figure out that the same thing happened to me. Both of those songs fill me with a desperate sense of regret and pain, even all these years later.

There are quite a few such songs in my case. Off the top of my head:

1. Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver - It reminds of a long-distance relationship I was in. My then-boyfriend had come down to visit me for a few days and sending him off at the airport was anything but easy.

2. Missing (Acoustic Version) by Everything but the Girl and Don't Speak by No Doubt - These were my go-to songs when I had a huge falling out with my best friend. They still make me a little misty-eyed as things between the bestie and I are still not exactly like before even though we've patched up.

Sigh.

White Flag by Dido

The last guy I loved before my husband. Even though it's been 8 years, the song takes me back to the absolute black hole I went into for two months after he cheated on me. He ruined several other things for me, but this was the worst.

Close to You by the Carpenters hits me hard these days. Many years ago I was on my high school's scholastic bowl team. One of the guys on the team used to sing along with the radio while our sponsor drove the school van. Since the sponsor always picked oldies stations, we usually ended up with some interesting sing-a-long moments. Anyway, the guy in question started singing along with "Why do birds suddenly appear, etc." in a wonderfully flamboyant baritone voice. We all busted out laughing.

Fast forward less than two years later, and I found out the guy had committed suicide. Though I had not known the guy well, he had always been decent to me and gave me the occasional ride home from school since we lived about two blocks away from each other. When I heard the song after my teammate's suicide, I thought of him.

Fast forward almost a decade later. I was sitting in a funeral home because one of my college buddies had committed suicide. The funeral home folks were playing Muzak versions of songs prior to the service. A Muzak version of "Close to You" came on, and I completely lost it. At this point I wasn't just thinking of my college buddy. I was also thinking of the high school acquaintance and wondered what type of adult he would have been. The thought of both losses hurt a lot, and it's fresh for me now every time I hear this song.

It's been four years to the day since I lost my college buddy Jon, and I don't think it's a mistake I stumbled onto this thread. I just got back from visiting his graveside, and I miss him so much. Thanks for letting me vent. For everyone else who has experienced a loss, my thoughts are also with you.

You are my inspiration, I have few blogs and rarely run out from post :). "Actions lie louder than words." by Carolyn Wells.