Pajiba

Run for office of the President, win, annex Canada, end the war in the Middle East, trump China in all things, sleep with lots of women and not get caught.

That, is my musical montage.

I would montage my way through my shoulder injury, surgery, and rehabilitation. A close close second would be finding a job.

Actually, since both these things are current and ongoing, what I really want to do is montage my way through the past six months and the upcoming six months. Me typing this would be mid-song, half way through Bruce Springsteen's "Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out"

I second the finding a job montage because this unemployment thing is balls. I'd submit putting it to something energetic and motivating like Boston's "Feelin' Satisfied" cuz nothin's gonna help you more than rock 'n' roll.

I would have sex with my husband to "American Pie", cause that song lasts longer than he usually does.

Did you just call your own writing "gloriously written"? Seriously?

I'd write a novel. Go through all the drafts and the bullshit with the editors and the waiting and then finally hold the finished book in my hands all neatly bound and awesome.

The song? "Paperback Writer" of course.

I would have a travel montage. It would show me in the Carribean, Italy, France, Great Britain, Africa, the Far East, Australia, Hawaii, in my fabulous traveling wardrobe, Italians pinching my butt, Aussie's offering me a Foster's, having tea with the queen, riding an elephant, shaking my hips in a grass skirt, all to the tune of Around the World in 80 Days

Simply . A college montage. Set to "Bad to the Bone"

It starts with me literally entering college. I take off my sun glasses and bham. Montage starts. Cut to the first party, first study session, first sex during study session, first F, first time sleeping with the T.A to fix the F, cut to 21 birthday were we accidentally stab a mime several (well ok more like 24 times) and then put the body in the concrete foundations of the new pool. Now the montage slows done a bit and then quickly back up to another party, finale scene to the graduation with me raising my diploma in the air just as people start noticing that the library somehow caught on fire. And soon as the montage ends cue to me in a five thousand dollar suit just getting hired on an extremely well paying. I wink at my new hot secretary and we fade to black

Crime-fighting with Batman.

Meetings. Powerpoint slides. Jack's pointless report du jour. "Initiatives". Consultants arriving in Italian-suited packs. Team building exercises and communications workshops. Company / team / project / boss, breakfast / lunch / dinner / birthday "parties" / drinks / picnics full of delicious insincerity and pasted on smiles. All set to "The Torture Never Stops" from Frank Zappa's Zoot Allures.

Later in the same movie exactly the same montage set to "I'm Just a Gigolo" by David Lee Roth.

Finally, after the climax roll credits over the same montage set to "Love in an Elevator."

Show's gotta have an arc, right?

The last year and a half of working out, only to discover that I've lost not weight at all.

You could put any one day to music, it would be the same as all the others.

I wonder if you people are fully grasping the possilities presented by this post. This is a movie montage where you can literally do anything you want. Want to sex up a bunch of Victoria's Secret models on a French beach while people drizzle warm chocolate over your naked body while dogs lick you clean? Bam! Three minute montage. Set to "Pour Some Sugar On Me" by Def Leapard.

Want to fight hoardes of flesh-hungry, mindless zombies with the cheerleader you had the biggest boner for in high-school, which culminates finally in explosive end-of-the-world coitus before it all burns to dust and ash? No fucking problem! Done in two and a half. Set to "The Blind Rider" by Tom Waits.

Maybe you want to throw a massive block-party with Abraham Lincoln, King Tut and Jessie Eisenberg, where Daffy Duck is chilling the jello shots and your mom is strap-on ass-fucking the dog from Blue's Clues. This is totally an option in a three minute montage. This one in particular would be set to "Bone Machine" by the Pixies.

Finding a job?
Doing physical therapy?
Why don't you people just say "Dying a slow, mundane existence and passing un-remembered into nothingness?"

For fucks sake.

@superasente: No, you cannot montage having the dogs lick chocolate off your body, because chocolate makes dogs sick. The end.

The rest, though... Sure, whatever you want.

"Me" - I was thinking the same thing, actually re: Dustin referring to his own montage reference as "gloriously written".

Well, to me, using the musical montage to get a better job like I said means skipping the "slow, mundane" parts of my life and getting to the good stuff - making some good money, moving up in the world, finally have the time and funds to do what I want. Once all that boring stuff is out of the way via the montage, then I can go to crazy parties or sex up models or what have you. You know, do all the fun stuff but not in montage form - actually get to experience it.

To each his own, I guess.

winng the presdency for conservtives removing obama's policys reinstating those of president bush, letting the muslims build their mosque at ground zero but also building a temple a church and a synagoge their so all people of faith can pray there.

I would like silence---complete, utter silence (no sound of my breathing or heartbeat) for 30 minutes in my day. Pick a day. Any day. Silence.

(Wow. I just relaxed like a rabbit being flipped on its backside.)

As far as my current status, I think there could be some killer Friday Night on the Sidelines (coaching) montages - maybe "Honeybucket" by the Melvins or some AC/DC. Past, I would go through a totally killer college party and set it to "Schizophrenia" by Sonic Youth.

Superasente - now I will never be able to hear "Bone Machine" without picturing the Blue's Clues dog getting pounded. Thanks a ton.

Musical montage: Life a super spy/double agent.

Music choice: "Just A Girl" - No Doubt.

OH YES.

For montage songs, nothing beats "You're the Best." I lifted it from the Karate Kid, but I don't care if it's a bit overused because it's just that great of a montage song!

What would I be doing? I'd probably be going back to school and finishing my degree, all while finding time to get into real shape and really learning to play the sport I love most, baseball. It'd end with me getting a tryout for the Pirates minor league system (because some things are still too important to be left to a montage) and scoring a date with that hot Manic Pixie Dream Girl I met in the gym earlier in the...movie I guess?

My montage would involve the one fateful weekend I spend every year removing the mower deck from my John Deere and replacing/maintaining its various parts. Scenes would include:

--me screaming in dramatic fashion, with grease on my face and blood on my hands
--various tools hurtling in slow motion from the barn as I struggle to find the various wrench sizes needed for the 3000 bolts that have to be removed
--oil pooling slowly and ominously on the barn floor
--a glorious bonfire as I laugh maniacally and burn the owner's manual, written by someone who has never seen, much less touched, a John Deere, or anything mechanical in his entire worthless life.
--neighbors fleeing for the safety of their homes.
--me double-flipping the bird to the tractor as it submits to my awesomeness and roars to life.

As for songs, "Die MotherFucker, Die" or something equally rage-y from Marilyn Manson or Rob Zombie.

DeadBessie: As someone who regularly works on obstinate equipment, I loved your post. I think I'll film my own montage and make it poublic (it will have to be R-Rated for language).