Pajiba

Well, currently, my being nice to another human being has landed me a date or two, and because of plenty of flirting and fun of that sort, things sound pretty good for the time being. Here's hoping a number of outside forces won't screw everything out of proportion.

Hm. Well this wasn't a tell someone something incident, but back in high school one day I was coming in from lunch and one of the special ed kids was standing in the hallway holding his hand out to every single person that passed. Everyone was ignoring him, and it seemed like such a small thing to just shake the kid's hand so when I reached him I gave him mine. And he bent over and quite gallantly kissed it. Must've been watching old movies or something. Anyway, he was happy somebody finally gave him the chance to do it and I was pretty entertained by it, so all around good.

One of the nicer things about my ex Matt was that he would do that kind of thing all the time. He was constantly complimenting people on their style or work or whatever. I do it sometimes, but I'm shy and so I tend to hesitate a lot until the chance has passed.

When I was in high school I used to sing in the choir, and after my last concert of my senior year a parent I had never met before came up and told me that she loved watching me sing, because I put so much joy and energy into it. Thinking about that still makes me glow today.

I had a professor in college who lived a quiet sort of existence, wasn't all about the conferences and publications, but she was a phenomenal teacher. When I was applying for phd programs she was helping me one day with sorting through programs, and was telling me all about how certain schools would get me deeply involved in the academic discourse. And I had to stop her and tell her that the only reason I wanted to get a phd at all was in the hopes that I could someday be half the educator she was. She seemed pleased, if a little concerned with my naivete.

Apparently I like telling stories too!

I recently had a friend tell me that I'd given him the best compliment he'd ever received. It was basically that I really valued his friendship because I felt like I had to earn it. He takes pride in the fact that he's a judgmental douche, and I guess my compliment showed him that not only do I accept that about him, I also celebrate it.

I also had a friend that was trying to tell me that the reason people tease me is because I'm too pretty. In his drunken state he just kept saying "you're not pretty enough ... fuck ... no I meant the opposite... you're not very pretty ... shit... what's wrong with me?" It might not have been the best compliment but it was sort of hilarious.

because i am a gentleman who was reared correctly, i am often given befuddled or wary looks when i open the door for people, allow someone with fewer items ahead of me, say "hello" or "good morning" to people i pass, etc.

that said, i've turned being pleasant into a sadistic game.

When I was a sophomore in high school, I was on the school's dance team despite not doing much studio dancing. I just tried to catch on to new technique when they threw it at me. One of the dances we were doing that year was a jazz routine that involved some crazy turn/leap combinations at the beginning. One of the senior captains in my group came up to me after watching me do the beginning and told me I looked beautiful doing it. I thought it was so cool of her to tell me that.

I was a youth camp counselor for a couple weeks one summer (they were one-week sessions). Mid week, there was a games night that included an event where each group had to perform a skit/song that demonstrated their name. With my group of 14/15 year olds, one of the kids stepped up and got the group organized. When it was finished, I told him how impressed I was with how he handled himself. He looked surprised like, "Really, it's not a big deal," but I knew I would never do something like that at his age.

Tater what an uplifting diversion

AES as a teacher, I love when students come back and say something like that. Teachers never get to see their finished product, so any sort of feedback can really make our day.

I spend a large portion of my daily life inside my classroom, surrounded by teenagers, so both of my stories are connected to them.

Compliment: I teach freshmen who read below the 6th grade reading level (welcome to California public education)and my class this year is particularly fun. One of the students is an absolute joy to have around. He leaves me notes on post-its and hides them in my classroom for me to find as I'm going about my day. He always does his work and is just a pleasure to have around. At back-to-school night, that's exactly what I told his father, who then started crying (in that tearing-up manly, blue-collar worker kind of way. His nails were so dirty that they were the exact same color as his skin, which was cracked and still covered with his day's work. He is going through a difficult divorce and his son has been having a hard time.

Complimented: Same group of students, different boy - he asked me if I was going to dress up for the Friday before Halloween. I asked him if I should. He emphatically said yes, "because you're the coolest teacher I have and it would be neat." So I told him I'd dress up this year.

Nicest compliment anyone's ever paid me: Well, before I start the story I have to preface the story with a story. When I was about 8 years old I had a freaky bad accident where I fainted and fell face first on a rusty flower pot (it was in Mexico and the kinfolk had the habit of making flower pots out of aluminum pots) which left a long gash across my left cheek. They tried to fix me up but seeing as how I was visiting my dad's hometown where apparently anyone can by their medical degree they did a shitty job and my wound opened up halfway before I made it back to the states. Once back, they reopened the whole thing (still remember the long ass needle that was injected in my face and how painful it was), sewed it back up but the damage was done and I have a very noticeable scar on half of my face.

I was extremely self conscious about it first but as the years passed it became a part of me, albeit in a way where I saw it as a defect of sorts. I mean, I'm not acting all Quasimodo about it trying to run up to the bell tower cause I think I'm heedeeous, mind you, but if given an option of having it or not I'd vote not.

Anyway, having divulged all that on to the compliment: When I was about 20 and working as a Sales Associate at RadioShack, a roguish looking older gentleman who was purchasing a battery pack and one of those digital thermostats took one look at me and just beamed this great big smile at me...and I mean the kind of smile that just reaches your eyes...and said, "I hope you don't mind me saying but I love that scar on your face. It gives you so much personality and character."

It still stays with me to this day and ever since then, I've never once looked at the mirror and lamented that I have that scar...now, it's like my badge of honor and something that just makes me unique and, that compliment really meant so much.

The best compliment I've ever paid someone was when a fellow teacher (who had only been there about two weeks) at the charter school I used to work at was feeling especially low after a long day's work of dealing with at-risk adolescents who pretty much test you any which way they can and who especially take pleasure in getting you to the breaking point when they can. She sat there saying that she was reconsidering teaching and wasn't sure that she was the best person for the job.

I remember taking one look at her and saying "the kids are always going to test you for no other reason other than they can but I've watched you teach and you do what few people in this profession can do...you make learning fun and you make them want to be here (most of the staff marveled at how great her kids' attendance was) I've overheard them talk about how you're pretty good and they've even asked me questions about some of the material you've presented in your lessons but they also say you'll probably end up being just like all the rest and get tired of them soon and leave them."

So really it was a compliment within a compliment and then a little insight thrown in but after that she just seemed to have more of a pep in her step and this determination to prove them right and wrong.

This is probably the nicest, most feel good diversion that has ever been posted here.

Keep up the good work.

One of the nicest compliments I've gotten recently:
I was on the campus shuttle from UT, riding back to my car. The girl next to me, after asking if I could pull the cord so she didn't knock me in the head, said "I hope this doesn't sound weird, but your skin is just beautiful. Do you do something specific?"
What does a woman want to hear mere days before turning 30? THAT RIGHT THERE.

I've also been told that I "hug like I mean it." A friend I haven't seen in a while called me up and said she really just wanted a hug from me. It was nice.

As far as complimenting others, I try to tell my friends why they're awesome. I mean, of course they are, they're MY friends, but sometimes they forget. And I'm always REALLY nice and obviously grateful to anyone I ever deal with in the service industry: waitstaff, retail, financial aid, whatever. I know your job sucks and you probably deal with some really nasty people every single day. So I try to be a high point.

@ Lindsey w/ an E

Each time that you've posted these past few months, whenever you're
referring to your work / passion, you've come off as such a wonderful
and driven horse woman.
As an 'animal person' myself, I so admire one who makes the effort to be
as knowledgeable as they can about their persuits and have the strength
of character and heart to see it through for the benefit of all.

Keep doing all that do lady. :)

Wow, this IS a nice diversion! Even if BSlim is freaking me out a little.

Anyway. I don't really pay attention when I compliment people. I try to do it regularly, and I think I succeed pretty often. I hope I do, anyway. I'll have to start paying attention.

Probably the best compliment I've received was when I started college at the ripe old age of 33. I was talking to a co-worker, who had asked me what I was thinking of doing with my Cinema Studies degree. I told her that I have many interests, including writing, criticism, and teaching. I'd like to teach in college, film classes, English classes, and maybe some remedial-type classes. I think I'm fairly good at helping people find a way to understand things, and I'm pretty good at math. I think I could stem some of the frustration I saw in the basic algebra class I had to take (I just tested badly! I remembered it right away!). Anyway, she said to me, "I think you'd make an excellent teacher. I feel like if I took a class with you, I'd learn something." That has kept me going through 5 years of earning a 2-year degree part time, and will continue to keep me going through however long it takes me to get my BA, my MA, and maybe someday, my PhD. Thanks, Joanne!

I have two, the first kinda funny and the second one more touching (well, to me, anyway). I used to work at gift shop in a touristy hotel, and I was there working the morning after my best friend's wedding. The day before, my hair was done up all in curls hanging down my back, and as I hadn't gotten home until 330 AM it wasn't yet washed and still looked all pretty and curly and such. One Englishman bought a paper from me, and as he paid he looked up at me and said "You look like the Lady of Shallot." Maybe not the best, but definitely memorable!

The second was paid to me by my ex, who can still tie me up in knots years later (but that's a whole other diversion). We were talking one night, and he told me that he'd be proud if his daughter grew up to be like me. That still makes me a little verklempt.

smijca, do people bring up Tina Fey with you all the time?

Lauren, if only. :)

No, my scar is more of a long thick line with cross hatches in it where you can see how the thread that was used to sew the wound up scarred my skin.

I'm making it sound kinda freakish but it's really not.

Any connection to Liz Lemon would have been really cool, though.

I can think of one compliment in particular that I received that made my day. I was in chorus in high school, and there was one girl who was a year younger than me who was an absolutely amazing singer. She went on to sing in college & traveled the world as a singer in different shows. I ran into her after I had graduated college, and we got to reminiscing about chorus and singing. I knew all about her exploits, but she asked if I had kept singing. I had, in several college choirs, and she said, "I always thought you had a beautiful voice!" It was so unexpected, and coming from her, a great compliment.

As for giving compliments, I always try to be nice to others & let them know when they've done something I appreciate. I wrote some letters to a few teachers after my senior year of high school to let them know how much of an impact they'd had on my time there. I still keep in contact with a few of them. And I love to give good reviews to businesses or services that I use. I think that's a great way to compliment someone: get the word out about their business and help them pull in more customers.

At a late-night cabaret, I performed a monologue about a kid becoming 4-F during the Vietnam War. The next day, I was walking out of a Best Buy and someone calls out behind me. He had been at the cabaret show the night before and seen me perform.
"I really liked your piece. I was 4-F during the war, and you got it right."
Kept me performing and involved in the theater for a long time, when I was

I worked at my first job for about a year and a half. I eventually left because they were giving me way too many hours but also because everyone there, while I loved them and got along with them really well, were turning bitter and old at 20 because the job sucked so much. In particular the one other girl in my department. God, she was a negative bitch. Anyway, one day I'm hard at work, doing my best to keep about a million balls in the air until my shift ends, and a guy comes through my office for some errand. He asked to use my computer, and I said yes, thinking nothing of it. He stopped, looked at me, and said, "You know, you are the nicest person here. You're always happy and kind to everyone." I was so stunned I could barely even thank him. It still makes me smile,and I try and live up to it too, because I know I'm not really that nice, but I wish I was.

Great diversion!

I do real estate title exams to pay the bills -- the pertinent records are kept in county courthouses, so I ply my trade alongside other examiners. Which means my workplace environment consists of my competition, which is an odd dynamic and rarely discussed.

A little while back I was running a title and minding my own business when I was approached by a woman (we have a smile-and-say-hello relationship) who asked if I'd be interested in an opening at their company. She prefaced this by saying, "I've always noticed you seem particularly absorbed by the work." That may not sound like much, but to someone who battled some truly debilitating slothfulness as a younger man, it was the perfect validation of my efforts to develop a better work ethic so as to not become the bum I was in danger of becoming. What a great thing, to receive a compliment when you weren't even angling for it.

For the first 19 years of my life, I loved math and science, but my self-esteem was so low that I didn't have the nerve to even attempt pre-calculus. When I finally found my math and statistics mojo in college, I took several semesters of calculus and loved it.

Anyway, in the very first calculus class I took, I talked to the TA a lot, and one day she said cheerfully that she thought I understood the material better than she did. I don't know if she had any idea the impact of that compliment, but the idea that I might possibly understand mathematical concepts better than someone who was getting a graduate degree in that field...it turned my entire scholastic life around. From that point on, there was no stopping me!

I'll inject this into my own diversion, since I'm glad everyone seems to be enjoying it, and these are some good stories.

One small thing I try to remind myself to do (after I read an "empowerment" piece about it in Esquire) is to look people, especially service people -- wait staff, checkout clerks, hotel maids, the janitorial guys in my office etc. -- in the eye and says, "Thank you," and try to mean it. I hope it doesn't sound arrogant but I hope that acknowledging them as human beings, even if just for an instant, makes these often invisible folks who do menial but essential jobs feel a bit better about themselves. That's a form of compliment, isn't it?

I don't think that sounds arrogant, bucdaddy. I do the same thing. I've always worked in one customer service job or another, so I know what it's like to be in their shoes. It's nice to be acknowledged when you're working hard.

At my previous job a woman told me that she was having a bad day but that after I helped her, my warmth and smile had turned her day around, and I had made her day. I agree with the girl in your story, Cindy. I try to be that kind of person too. Customers really do appreciate a smile and attention.
(I too now work in a bookshop, weird).

WAS a big whore. WAS.

i'm semi-retired.

and nobody cash a check from Anna, the nigerian lottery ticket of the weekend comment diversion!

credit union THIS!

when i was in university, a girl in one of my classes scooched up next to me one day, and told me a guy she knew would point me out to his friends whenever i walked by and say "thats the most beautiful girl ive ever seen"...we ended up dated years later, and he broke my heart, but it was still the best compliment ive received, if second-hand.

there's my ray of sunshine!

do i need to come to georgia and hold your hair?

Ms MoMo:
Aww, thanks. See, that's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day, possibly all week. It is also a bit frightening. It means that people actually read my rantings 'round here and form some sort of opinion of me.
Horses and tits I guess.

Grace B: There are a few horse people cruising around Pajiba. I flushed a few out in the 'What's bothering you' diversion a few weeks ago.
That was fun.

','TCFKAB:
I always say 'Thank You' to waiters, checkers, clerks, etc... It is an effortless way to brighten someone's day. I've done some of those jobs, it does make a difference.

I worked in my Mom's Antique store on the Main Street of a small town for 5 years. 70% of that job was chatting (sometimes for hours) with 'customers.' I put that in 'quotes' because at least 80% of the 'customers' who come in are just looking at all the cool old stuff and never buy anything. Anyway, It has been 4 years since I had to quit to get a real full time job (from which I was subsequently laid off which caused me to fall back on my Horse activities as full time employment)and my Mom frequently reports to me that she has people wander in who ask about me and tell her how much they enjoyed talking with me. There were a few who were going through a rough patch who came in regularly because they needed someone to talk to, and they knew I would listen. For 1/2 of that time I was going through the destruction of my marriage, and those people saved me sometimes too. Working in that store wasn't exactly the Peace Corps, but it turned out that I affected people in a way that meant something to them, and vice versa. It was the best part of the job in some ways.
That and the cable TV behind the counter.

Anytime that you're dealing with someone in the service industry, just taking a second to glance at their name tags and address them by name and THEN taking time to thank them by name when you've finished your business makes them feel a little more like a human being and less like a faceless automaton.

I live in Humboldt County, so it's not unusual for me to sit down next to an "Old Hippie" at the counter when I go to the local greasy spoon for breakfast. This morning was a little different, because when we struck up a conversation over the morning news, I discovered how incredibly interesting this particular old hippie was. He enlisted in the Army when he was young, went to Vietnam, changed his mind about the whole thing and came back and became a peace activist, traveled the country, smoked his first joint in Greenwich Village with Arlo Guthrie, got on the bus with Ken Keasey for the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, hung around the Haight-Ashbury in it's heyday, started growing pot, got caught, and was defended by lawyers who went on to establish NORML. This was only what he told me in the hour or so that we talked.

I was fascinated by him, and we exchanged phone numbers so that we could meet up again sometime (as friends, because he is old enough to be my grandfather).

Later this afternoon he called me, and left me a voicemail telling me how wonderful and rare it is to meet someone as open-minded and yet informed as I am, and how excited he had been to meet me, and how much he was looking forward to talking to me again. It's amazing how good it feels to hear someone as interesting and cool as that tell me that I'm interesting and cool. Made my whole day. I went off to work tonight smiling and happy, mostly because of his compliment. It may not be the best compliment I've ever had, but I'm still glowing from it.

FICKLE?!
i'm not fickle!
well, i'm a little fickle.
or rather, i USED TO BE fickle.
i'm not anymore.

(ok, i'm fickle)

My little brother texted the other night to tell me how much he loved me and hoped to be like me when he grew up. It was actually really touching.

I also had a domestic violence victim I rep (divorce lawyer extraordinaire, here) thank me a couple of weeks ago for being her lifeline over the past year and for saving the lives of her and her small child. That felt damned good.

You know what? I'm fucking amazeballs!

This seriously may be the nicest thing I've read all year. My stories aren't spectacular but I feel the need to do my part.

One compliment that always stuck with me was when I had just finished doing a play, maybe my first professional play after college. I was right out of college and basically was like Third Guy From The Left for most of it. But a friend in the play came up to me after breathlessly and said her Mom had told her that I was just watchable. Whatever it is that captures people's attention, I had it. That comment, given secondhand and with such enthusiasm, kept me stable through some long slow patches in a career where confidence is a must, not a want.

The compliment I remember giving stretches back to a few years before that. We had a friend in our theater group who was a good guy, a little quiet, not particularly confident. One time he had a retreat, I guess, where you go on sort of a spiritual break and your friends write you letters? I wrote to him that it was tough sometimes to have confidence, that everybody tells you to believe in yourself, but that you have no objective reason for doing so, right? I mean, everybody says believe in yourself, but it can sound hollow, like you're just going through the motions.

So I told him that one thing he COULD hold onto, one reason he had to hang on was that ME, I believed in him, that i knew what he was like and I knew he could make it. So even if HE wasn't feeling like he could believe in himself, he knew that I did. My girlfriend told me that after I had left the country for college elsewhere, he held onto that letter and carried it everywhere.

I'm in touch with that guy again, via Facebook. He's a lawyer, and a teacher, and I don't know if those are his dream jobs or anything but I know he can say he's made something of himself, nobody can deny that.

This is one of the best damn things I've read in a long time!

For my "best" compliment, I would have to say that it was something I said to my track coach. I've been throwing the shotput or training for it year-round since halfway through my sophomore year (I'm a senior now). Before I started I didn't have a lot of confidence to say the least. I had played basketball and baseball for a long time, but I wasn't very good and I really got to hating the pressure. Also, though I wasn't extremely heavy, I was a little bit of a chubby kid and it was enough to make me self conscious. This is all on top of me being a pretty shy and quiet person, so overall I just didn't feel that great about myself.

Long story short, I quit the other sports and started doing track, and it gave me a whole lot more confidence. It also let me meet so many great people. And even though my coach did pressure me a lot at times, I knew it was because I wasn't doing my best.

So last season, my coach was getting mad and yelling at us a lot. We had a lot of new kids on the team that weren't working hard, which really stresses him. He was also buying a house, preparing for a wedding, and wasn't liking his job. (He's a personal trainer and manager of a gym which he to opens at 5am. He works from 5 until one, and them comes to coach track for about three hours at 2pm, and then he goes to train private clients until about 9pm. He works A LOT.)

One day he was talking to the team and was talking about how he didn't want to deal with the stress of all the stuff he had to do every day. I thought he was going to tell us he was going to stop being our coach, as he threatened to several times when he was pissed at us. Instead, he said he was quitting his job as a gym manager to be able to train more private clients and coach track. Later I just told him how much I like having him as a coach and thanked him for how much time he devotes to the team. He really was a huge part of all that track did for me.

I always feel like I don't sound sincere when I talk to people, but for one of the first times, I really felt like I was being real. I don't know if it really sounded good, but I felt it did.

And sorry for all the length.

We had a massive (as in the biggest I've ever seen) storm here one year. Power was out, phones were out, trees were torn up, etc.

I saw my drop wire (the line that comes in from the pole to the house for my phone) lying in the street. I called from a pay phone and let the phone company know that the line was out.

The customer service rep told me it would be at least 3 days before I got it back. I assured her I completely understood and thanked her for my time.

The very next day I had phone service.

I immediately called customer service, and told the CSR that answered that I just wanted her to know that I appreciated the prompt attention that was given my case and asked that she let the techs know that I really appreciated all the hard work they did in getting my phone restored.

(Being a CSR myself, I know that the calls thanking you for your service are few and far between, so I just thought I'd make her day a bit brighter.)

The nice thing I did for someone that had repercussions in my own life:

So, Louisiana is a hurricane state (duh). One year, a storm came up that wasn't bad enough to evacuate for (Isidore), but sandbag stations were opened up so people could shore up their houses.
The good sandbag station, where they give you bags of sand was unbelievably crowded. So my gf and a friend of mine went to one of the other ones, they dump a pile of sand and provide bags. You bring a shovel and fill them. This is a two person job, obviously. My gf and friend were doing the bags for my house and I was just moving them. I saw a guy trying to fill bags by himself. So I knelt down and started holding his bags and tying them off. An hour later, my hands scraped to shit by a sandy shovel, he gave me a big hug and thanked me.
The friend that was with us? She said to me, "Why did you do that? You don't even know him. I never would have have done that." And that's when I realized I didn't want to be friends with her that much. Her progressively selfish actions while I stayed at her place the next few days (my waterfront property was inaccessible) cemented that idea. And by the time I could go back to my place, and was busy cleaning my driveway out from under 4 feet of lake sludge? She got mad and demanded I watch a movie with her. Because of all she'd done for me. Screw that.

Working as a phonathan caller for my college lends itself to a lot of surprisingly interesting and rewarding conversations (as well as some pretty horrible ones). A few weeks ago I called a man who had graduated in the fifties. It became increasingly evident as we talked that he had fairly bad dementia. He kept asking me where I was calling from and forgetting what we were talking about. At the end of our conversation he very earnestly thanked me for being patient, and told me how much he had enjoyed talking to someone, especially since he was all alone now.
I've been yelled at, berated, and told I was a bad person for doing my job, but that was the first time I'd ever cried when I got off the phone.

Once when I was walking to work early one morning, an older man out on his front porch yelled down the street at me "Honey, you look better than the sun, the moon, and alllllll the stars."
It was so sweet and poetic and didn't make me feel harassed even a little teeny tiny bit and I absolutely believed him, that he meant it just the way he said it, and I was on a cloud all day.

My Ex and I were walking downtown once and we passed an older man on the street. He was humming to himself as he walked, and as we passed him he sang to my Ex-husband "Man, some guys have all the luck!"
It was one of the nicest compliments anyone has ever paid me.
See how easy it is!

gp, that is the best invention ever and I want to buy one for my dad.

myys (fS),

i agree. it's right up there with antibiotics and flush toilets.

keep rockin' the free world!
gp

My fourth grade English teacher told me that I was an example of the term "still waters run deep," which totally make me feel noticed and valued. She also gave me a copy of "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn." TO A FOURTH GRADER, because she knew I'd get it. And I loved it and majored in English in college, so awesome.

Back when I was a newspaper reporter in Alabama I wrote the occasional column. Obviously, my sense of humor isn't for everyone and one guy sent me an email saying, "Mr. (Bullet) you write like you're mad at the whole world." I'm not sure that he meant it as a compliment, but I'm using that as a cover endorsement if I ever write a book.

An ex once told me he was dating me for my 'extreme swag factor.'

Whatever that means.

A friend of mine recently sent me a text message that said, "I wanted you to know I really respect and envy the strong moral code you live your life by... I believe you have your head screwed on right and wanted to tell you." That felt nice.

Going back further than that, I had a high school English teacher who once said that he had trouble marking my work because my writing style was so idiosyncratic. And he definitely meant it as a compliment.
At the end of the year the same teacher gave me a poster from Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet (we'd studied it that year). He told me that he knew that it wasn't much, but that he liked to do something at the end of each year for the student who stood out the most.
I never forgot that teacher.

As for compliments I've given, I'm having trouble thinking of one specific example, but I'm definitely one of those people who likes to give compliments to people in service jobs (waiters and the like) when called for. I worked in retail for years, and I know how much it can mean.

In the car today the Mr. was reiterating to our kids why it's important to keep me happy, because I'm the brains of this operation (ie, our family) and am therefore irreplaceable. I couldn't help but smile at that.

TCFKAB, I think it's also important to look homeless people in the eye when responding to their request for money. Even if you say no everytime it still acknowledges them as a person.

Compliment received - a very good friend, who I hadn't spoken to or seen in forever, had got back in contact and started trying to explain why she'd been incommunicado for so long. She'd had a hard time from other friends for the same reason but I had no problem with it (other than making sure she was OK), and she said that she'd always known it wouldn't be a problem, that from the manner in which I'd been her friend in the past she knew that no matter how long or how sucky things had been, I'd always be there and would always make it easy for her, and would never make her try and 'win back' my friendship, and that because of that she valued mine more than anyone's so would have worked harder for it. Gave me a pretty large lump in the throat...

Compliment given - another friend who'd lost some weight was bemoaning the fact that no-one had said anything when she had originally started to gain. Apart from the fact that I had never thought she looked 'fat' anyway, I told her that I'd never thought for a second that she was anything less than beautiful. Cue tears (but good ones).

The greatest compliment I've ever gotten, is right HERE

If you know me, you would know why I think that.

Just remembered the best backhanded compliment I've ever had - a girl I worked with was telling me at length (she was very drunk) how she thought I had 'it', whatever that is. Which was very sweet, but then followed up with 'I told everyone on my team but they all think you're a fucking mess'. Bless, she meant well!

This is sweet...

I went to see my little sister's school play. They were doing Joseph and ATTDC. I knew the girl who played Joseph - I'd known her for a while, we'd been to the same performing arts camp - and she was phenomenal. I cried at the end. So afterwards, after congratulating my sister, I sought her out and told her how fantastic she was. Her reply?

"Thanks, Carling... I was just trying to be like you."

That RUINED me. I was choking back tears all the way home.

Best I've ever given... probably something similar. I saw a play by one of the campus companies and I ended up working with one of the girls in its cast later on in the year and (after a few drinks) I ran off my mouth about how awesome and sexy she had been on stage, and how I was all starstruck when I saw her on campus afterward.

@ general rhubarb

Music teachers *are* the dang shizzle! :-)

Mine (back in 4th - 6th grade) was one Roberta Wilson here in So CA.
She was so supportive and kind, and with her standing behind me, I took
up the playing of the Double Bass fiddle in the String Ensemble (and we kicked
some tush at the regional contests). Sure... I didn't go on to join the Philharmonic [chuckle], but I firmly believe that that time in my 'formative years' helped me
to be a more independant and free-thinking individual. Thank you Mrs Wilson.

Side rant and lament over the loss of programs such as music, art, photography
and such in our school systems. It's just a crime that kids aren't getting chance
to use other parts of their brain to problem solve, grow and truly excel. Booo!

To build on MoMo's mini rant AND talk about great compliments:

Some of the best compliments are not compliments for yourself, but for those of whom you are proud.

My mom was a high school art teacher or 30 years. She was the kind of teacher that kids cut other classes to come hang out in hers, and keep coming back to visit for years after they have graduated. Throughout the 70's, 80's, and 90's, she had innumerable loser-stoner-skater-punk-almost-drop-outs pass through her classes who completely turned their lives around thanks to becoming turned on by jewelry making and silk screening, her 2 main subjects, and being encouraged to excel.

While I was working at her Antique Store and Art Gallery, there were quite a few occasions when some customer would be looking at my mom's fine jewelry display and would suddenly say "That isn't the same Mrs.Poole who taught at SSHS in 1979 is it? She was the best teacher I ever had! I became a teacher because of her!" I always encouraged these people to leave her a note if hey were so inclined. The tearful heartfelt letters I watched people sit right down at the counter and write were extraordinary. Mom ALWAYS remembered them too, even if it had been 30 years since they were in her class. "Oh sure, Susan! You made that Onyx inlaid ring in Jewelry 2 in 1978 that was so well designed. Of course I remember!" I can tell you, the woman can hardly remember the phone number has had for 45 years, but Susan's ring from 1978, no problem. Anyway, I was always so proud to be her daughter when that happened. Reflected glory can be very warm.

Anyway, I think it is no coincidence that it is often the Arts teachers who touch us most deeply, and it is a disgrace that the first thing to go in most public schools is the arts. My mom won 2 NEA teacher of the Year awards (something I don't think anyone had ever done prior to her, but I could be wrong) and not only did she get ZERO recognition for it from her administration, she had to fight for her ever decreasing budget every single year. She supplemented her supplies with her own money and equipment for decades with no acknowledgment from anyone. Since she retired in 99', the award winning programs she taught and ran for over 20 years have completely disappeared. There was a group of extraordinary arts teachers in the department (which included music and theater) who were all boomers and all retired at the same time. I can tell you for a fact, the school went from being one of the top 4-A schools in the state and a National School of Excellence to one of the worst in the state in a matter of a few years. No coincidence, I am sure.

If you ever REALLY want to pay someone a compliment, look up some great teacher you remember, and tell them how they affected you. I PROMISE you won't regret it.

Growing up I always had a bad self-image. But many years ago when I was living in New York City, I was walking down the street with my boyfriend. A couple of guys (not gay by the way) came up to him and told him "we just want to congratulate you on your taste in female companionship"
Totally made my day!

I've been lucky. Thinking about it now, I realize that I've gotten many complements.

The best one right now - I'm relocating & dropped a note to some old friends I hadn't seen in about 8 years. "Guys, I could use a place to stay while for a while." I'm staying with one right now. All he said was: "Come on. What's mine is yours." And meant it.

Most interesting complement I gave - making a book out of several colleagues' work. Then I got to hear that the sainted grandmother of one of our contributors had created a regional historical library, now in the historical registry and govt. supported. She collected anything published by or about the folks of that part of the world. Her grandson brought her a copy of the book he was in. And as she put it in the library she told him, she never thought she'd be able to put something from her family in that library.

I choke up every time I think about that one.

OK, a real one. Near the end of senior year at a hippie boarding school, everyone was put in groups and, among other things, passed around a sheet of paper with their name on it. Everyone in the group was supposed to write something nice about you. There was one guy from my math class who I always smiled and said hi to, though we never really talked aside from that. He wrote: "You look so pretty when you smile."

I had been having a couple of hard, semi-depressed years before that, and at the new school I had made a conscious effort to smile and be happy as much as possible. When I saw what he had written, it touched me. I mean, yeah, he had to write something, but that this random dude (and another guy who had complimented my smile) noticed something I had been trying to change about myself really meant a lot, and it's still one of the reasons I always try to smile and be nice to people, no matter how rarely I actually interact with them. Now I constantly get compliments on my smile, and it's awesome.

From me, well, tomorrow I'm planning on stopping by the newlywed's apartment and sincerely complimenting them with all the things I had been saying about them behind their backs.

One time I picked up this trannie at the local gay bar, and when I got him/her home, he/she told me I had the biggest cock of any white man that he/she had ever seen. I thought this was a really nice thing to say because A) I always thought that my meatwand was just a little above average, and B) we just went home together, so she's/he's obviously a whore, and therefore has seen a ton of cock.

Just warm and fuzzies all around after that one.