If I Had Two Point Five Million Dollars ...
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If I Had Two Point Five Million Dollars ...

By Mrs. Julien | Comment Diversions | February 9, 2013 | Comments ()


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I think about winning the lottery a lot. Seriously, I've done research: In New Jersey, the cash pay out after taxes for MegaMillions is 55% of the advertised jackpot. Powerball is 47% owing to a longer (30 year) amortization period on the annuity payment option and therefore a smaller potential cash up front jackpot. Like I said, I think about it a lot. Some weeks, I spend upwards of $4 on tickets. I don't care about the odds. Somebody wins and it could be me, and I find entertainment value in imagining it. Do you?

Unfathomable amounts of instant wealth aren't the point here. The answer to someone asking "What would you do with $100 million dollars?" is, obviously, "Whatever the fuck I want and I said NO EYE CONTACT", so I'm going to scale it back, to 2.5 million smackers. Let's take the practical considerations, bills, as read -

First, everyone gets a pack of gum. Next, I go to Whole Foods and buy whatever I want. Then I buy something shiny in each of the each the vehicular and gemological categories: Audi and Asscher. I'll be killed in a fiery crash distracted by my glittering ring as my groceries and I careen toward my beach house (also new) in my finely-engineered German road sedan, but I'll die happy. Okay, fine, I'd have given money to an assortment of charities first. Dead, but generous.

So CONGRATULATIONS! You have just won $2.5 million, after taxes. What now?

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Don't be one of those people who says they "would just keep working and sock it all away". If you have the temerity to spew such nonsense, I will reach through the internet and poke you in the eye with a sharpened stick.



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