I Was Married By a Judge. I Should Have Asked For a Jury.
film / tv / lists / guides / news / love / celeb / video / think pieces / staff / podcasts / web culture / politics / dc / snl / netflix / marvel / cbr

What Is The Most Annoying Thing About Your Significant Other?

By Mrs. Julien | Comment Diversions | January 5, 2013 | Comments ()

Virginia Woolf 4.png

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

We celebrated our ten year wedding anniversary just before Christmas. We had spent the weeks prior saying "I can't believe it's been 10 years" with varying degrees of joy and rue. Ten years. Ten looong years. We've decided to give it one more and see how things go.

I don't know how long Dustin has been married, or how long it's been since he had a full night's sleep, but this weekend's comment diversion suggestion comes from him: What really annoys you about your significant other?

Long term relationships are an intimate endeavour and, unlike our family, we choose this person, and I think I chose well. Make no mistake, Mr. Julien annoys the heck out of me sometimes, but it's standard marital annoyance: watching him painstakingly adjust the room lighting and minimizing reflective surfaces in anticipation of watching, dear God, you can't be serious, yet another Smallville repeat (I think in this one there's eucalyptus Kryptonite so all the women wear leather, act slutty, and then forget everything in the last segment); incidents of Male Refrigerator Blindness; or asking me where things are that he hasn't actually looked for himself yet. I'm loyal, he's still my sweetie, and don't really feel like disparaging him in writing; however, I spent several years with my first boyfriend and, as I have no desire or plan to ever see him again, I'm going to disparage him instead:

Do you know someone like this?

You: Could you please buy some milk today?
Someone Like This: I'll try.

You'll try? You'll TRY? What the fu*k is that, "I'll try?"! I'm just asking you to buy milk, what do you think will happen if you forget? The Anschluss? He couldn't just say "Yes, I'll do it", he had to build in plausible irresponsibility. The other thing I remember is this:

Him: What's for dinner?

I was planning to make our dinner, I always made our dinner, and I was probably getting ready to start our dinner, but don't just ASSUME that I am making YOUR dinner. I answered the same way every single time:

Me: I don't know. What are you making?

And then I'd make our dinner.

Mr. Julien never assumes he is going to magically get fed and always says, "Thank you", even if all I've made is a pot of mashed potatoes, and that, Pajibans, is how you get to a tenth anniversary.

The 10 Best Movies of 2012 | There's a New Whedon Film Out There, Just Waiting to be Watched: Five Things You May Not Have Heard About This Week

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • He turns corners too quickly when driving. GOD FORBID that he inconvinence the driver behind us by slowing down a tiny bit. If we had kids he'd never be allowed to drive with them in the car.

    He says "Maybe" too fucking much. "Can you take out the trash?" I'll ask. "Maybe." he'll say. He doesn't like to commit to something and then be wrong.

    He watches too much TV and keeps the volume too loud. If I ask him to turn it down he will, but until then it's like he doesn't notice how loud it is.

    He hates having lights on. He's a computer nerd (so am I) and is perfectly happy using his computer monitor as the only light in the room. I like every light in the room turned on.

    He's vegetarian. I'm an omnivore. He's a Christian. I'm an atheist.

    God, I love that man. I wouldn't give him up for anyone. Well, maybe Tom Hiddleston. I'd have to think really hard about that.

    He's my best friend, my biggest supporter, and my biggest fan. We just celebrated nine years of marriage but we'd been super close for years before that, so it's more like 17 years.

  • badkittyuno

    Biggest pet peeve is leaving little tiny whiskers all over his sink when he shaves, and I'm sure he'd complain I leave toothpaste in mine. If our house didn't have two sinks in the master, we'd be divorced by now for sure.

  • apsutter

    My bf and I have been together for a very long time (9 yrs) and most of the time we get along like gang-busters. If anything all our couple friends find us unusual because not only are we both nuts about each other but we love spending as much time together as possible. But he has a terrible sense of directions and does not listen to the gps or myself when driving. As a result the only fights we've had are in the car on vacation when I want to strangle him because he constantly gets us lost and refuses to listen to my correct directions. It sucks that the only time we're pissy with each other is when we're supposed to be having tons of fun on vacay.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    By riding alone, he was riding with Hitler.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    The most annoying thing? He gives me a hard time about Pajiba. He thinks I am going to find an online boyfriend even though I have told him most people think I am a dude.

  • Salad_Is_Murder

    Thank you for confirming that you are, in fact, a dude.

  • Alex Kuhn

    My husband is really good at helping around the house, which I'm grateful for, but I will say that the way he cleans annoys me to no end. When I clean, I'm like a mad woman and I clean everything at once so I can get it over with.

    However, say my husband is cleaning the living room. He will dust one thing. Take a "break." Dust another shelf. Take a break. Tidy up a few things. Take a break. Sweep part of the floor. Take a break. It turns into an all day task (and every now and then he's been known to stop midway through and call it a day, leaving something half done).

    Also, we have about 10 pillows on our bed, and I somehow end up with maybe one or two. And he's kind of a smothering sleeper. I like cuddles as much as the next girl, but he will throw his whole leg on top of me, rest his prickly cheek on my face, breath in my nose.....

  • Ben

    She eats painfully slow. Like we'll be out at the shops and grab lunch and I'll finish eating then spend the next 10-15 minutes waiting for her to finish eating. And you can't really chat because she's eating and that will make her take even longer.

  • My girlfriend refuses, flat-out refuses, to ever accept the fact that some people look like other people, some songs sound like other songs, and some films are exactly like other films. Flat out refuses, and it boils my blood.

    Me: You know the band fun!, the leader singer sounds like he is really trying to be a low rent Freddie Mercury.
    Her: No.
    Me: What do you mean no?
    Her: No he doesn't.
    Me: Wha... I mean... Listen.. a little bit?
    Her: No way.
    Me: What the...I mean... Even just that little note he..
    Her: Nah.
    Me: (balling fists and fighting back unexplained frustration.) Uhm, okay.

  • DeltaJuliet

    Counter argument. If my husband doesn't like the artist I'm listening to, he says they sound exactly like someone else as an insult. Same applies to movies and TV shows. And yet he can't admit that Chris Daughtry sounds like a generic version of every other rock singer who ever sang. As does Nickelback.

  • See, its not as if she even likes any of the things I talk about (which I guess would be her annoyance with me, my casual, pointless, all encompassing cynicism)--- If I brought up the fact that Chris Daughtry sounds like Nickelback sounds like Creed sounds like Nirvana with tuberculosis... She'd just say, "Nah."

  • But thank god I'm not married.

  • oilfox

    I've been with my man for 2 years and there are still things that drive me batty! Refusal to do anything to maintain his health- ie- stop smoking, eat proper meals, go to a doctor when he's really sick. He plays the same songs over and over and over when we drive anywhere to the point where I have to veto it. Doesn't do housework or clean up till HE decides it's time to and then it's a 16 hour marathon. Is whiny as hell when he's sick. Is constantly "losing" his wallet/phone/whatever and he goes into a blind panic for 5 minutes, until he realizes that it's exactly where he left it. The biggest issue I have is that he will take up to 45 minutes in our bathroom doing his business when we only have ONE bathroom. WTF takes 45 minutes in there?! And I better hope I don't have to use that bathroom after that because it's like he dropped nuclear waste in there.

    I love this man, but I could do with a little more thoughtfulness on his part. That's all I ask!!

  • oilfox

    And he sleeps in the middle of the bed, pushing me out and he won't admit that he does it. Asking him to move over will get me yelled at in the middle of the night and he doesn't ever remember cussing me out.

  • nosio

    He's not great at cleaning. That being said, he IS the primary litter box cleaner, and I'm confident that's way more valuable than having two people who can adequately wash wineglasses.

    Oh, and one time when he was sick, he somehow got a booger stuck to the wall near his side of the bed. And then refused to wipe it off for like, a week. I don't even know.

    Really though, he is wonderful, and it took me a long time to even come up with these minor quibbles. His list about me would probably be MILES long. I don't know why he puts up with me, but I'm damn lucky.

  • badkittyuno

    We made an agreement eight years ago that I will do all the laundry for the rest of our lives as long as I never have to touch a litterbox or clean up after the dogs in the yard. Totally, totally worth it.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Another thread that somehow makes me glad I'm still single.

    OTOH, that's what annoys me.

  • SeaKat Stabler

    20 years together (this March) and 16 years married. At this point, the most annoying traits of my husband's are as follows:

    (A) He's almost ALWAYS right when we argue.Not he thinks he's right. He's actually correct. Typically we don't argue about little stuff (anymore) but about what to do about family/parenting situations. So I lose a LOT of arguments because he thinks about situations and analyzes them in a reasonable and calm manner (engineer, yo!) whereas I respond emotionally (read: fly off the handle sometimes).So, while it's annoying, I definitely count on him to be the more rational one.

    (B) He's so disciplined and hard-working that he makes me look REALLY BAD. It's also hard to enjoy lounging around when he has already run 15 miles, changed the oil in the car, sealed the bathroom shower grout, and it's not yet lunchtime. And when I say I "didn't have time" to get to something, he just looks at me. DAYUM, CLETUS. CUT THAT OUT.

    Now that I think about it, it's possible that I married some kind of cyborg. Oh well, I'll keep enjoying him until the inevitable Machine Revolution.

  • Zuffle

    My wife...

    ...can take...

    ...fucking months...

    ...to finish...

    ...a sentence...

    ...and she only ever starts talking....

    ...right after I've just pressed 'play' on whatever we're watching.

    God, I love that annoying ho.

  • Mrs Zuffle

    My husband uses far too many ellipses.

  • Bodhi

    My biggest complaint about my husband is that he never, ever stands up for me to his parents. I'm sure this is a fairly common complaint, but its worse for us because we live with them. I can't count how many times I've over heard my MIL bitching to my husband about me or something I've done/not done & heard zero response from him.

    He says that he doesn't want to get involved or have to chose between me & his folks. I say he chose when he asked me to marry him & that it isn't too much to ask that stand up for me or back me up, especially when his parents have decided that a decision that we've made concerning our toddler is (and I quote verbatim ) "stupid. She doesn't know what she is talking about".

    I have come very close to packing up myself & the toddler & driving back home to my parents. Mine are far from perfect, but they aren't saboteurs either.

    Other than that, the snoring, oh the snoring. It sounds like there is a motherfucking freight train 3 inches away from my ear. I'd prefer a freight train, actually.

  • wendy

    ummm.... pack up and get out! what the hell?

  • Bodhi

    If only it were that simple.

    He'll be done with school in July & we'll be able to move out soon thereafter. If I can last that long I'll be FREE!

  • superasente

    My wife says "seen" when she should say "saw."

    She'll say, "I seen a man crossing the street." No you didn't. You saw it. The man was seen by you. Drives me fucking bonkers.

    I know that's a small gripe, and since we've only been married two and 1/2 years I'm certain more things will pop up as time goes forward, but that's all I got for now. Everything else I've been able to beat out of her.

    Oh, relax. I'm just kidding.
    I'll be able to beat that out of her someday too.

  • damnitjanet

    I've known my husband for nearly 14 years, been married for nearly 4. We dated, broke up but stayed friends, then got back together. I love him, but he's NOT the great love of my life. That one got away.

    Anyway, sex. I'm sure he has low-T and WON'T seek treatment and he's just...not really interested. That, and the fact that he NEVER KNOWS WHAT FOOD IS IN THE HOUSE EVEN THOUGH HE IS AS FULLY CAPABLE OF LOOKING THRU THE FRIDGE/CABINETS AS I AM!

  • Wilma

    Been with my husband for over ten years now. The things that annoy me and that I still try to change about him mostly come from him being coddled by his parents. He had a auto-immune disease and came close to dying twice as a young man. As a result his parents have done everything for him for years. Still, despite that, when I met him he was a pretty brave man, never complaining about his lot. So he didn't do anything around the house, is completely helpless whenever he can't find something by looking for it in the space directly in front of him, it did not matter to me because he had an awesome personality. He changed when he had a liver transplant five years ago. Suddenly it's like I'm living with this old, hypochondriac old lady. He complains about everything, whenever I get sick he gets sick and I have to take care of him, he needs help with everything. And his parents reinforce this behaviour. They still treat him as if he has a life-threatening disease and needs to be nursed constantly, but he doesn't. He is in perfect health. I accompany him to every check up at the hospital and he's always pronounced to be a resounding succes story. At first I thought he needed some time to process al that has happened to him and was as supportive as possible. Now I sometimes think he's a narcissist.
    When we met I was happy to find someone who was wonderful and understood what it's like to live with health problems. I had been in a serious car accident when I was thirteen which left me with a damaged and painful body and small brain damage. My parents certainly didn't coddle me as I tried to rebuild my life. I now think my accident has made me a strong and positive person because of all I had to do to deal with it. Three years ago I became very ill. It turned out that I had type 1 diabetes (that's the childhood version). My husband was not able to support me. Everything was still about him. And still is. I'm fed up with the negativity, the selfishness, the helplessness. Thankfully, so is he. Over the past year we've been talking a lot about the person he was and wants to become again. When something needs to be done I hand him the reins. When I'm annoyed I tell him. Things are changing, slowly,, but they are changing.

  • McSquish

    We've been married 11 years, together 17. Annoyances: wet towels on the bed. Stacking dirty dishes in the sink...right next to the dishwasher. Destroying the kitchen to cook one small dish. Refusing to admit he's wrong, ever. Reasons none of that matters: silly sex. Getting up with our boys and letting me sleep in. Willingness to watch trashy tv for me. Being my best friend, loving me with all his heart, and knowing when I really don't want to be tickled and when I kinda do. Being the best dad I've ever seen. Always telling me that I am beautiful, even when I'm not, and always meaning it. Giving amazing hugs.

  • mlurve

    Oh God I do the wet towels on the bed thing and it annoys the crap out of my boyfriend. I've gotten a lot better but I do still forget every once in a while.

  • Alarmjaguar

    I think our husbands might be the same person, or at least related!

  • Puddin

    Ewwww. ;)

  • Judge_Snyder

    She's always leaving the toilet seat up.

  • Near as I can figure it, there's only one complaint by a male about a female in this thread, and it's the self-effacing "Her taste in men is awful. How can I respect someone who would date someone like me for so long?"

    I can't speak to why other men have nothing bad to say about their significant other in this venue (I'd love to think it's because we're too respectful to air our grievances in public, but I know that's not the truth...), but in my case, I'm convinced she would somehow find the comment, take it really personally, and rip my head off my body.

    I guess that's my complaint about her... She would be in here complaining about my little foibles with the best of them, but if she ever found out that I did the same to her...

    I have to go... She's coming...

  • hatsg

    Her instinctive blanket-stealing death roll out of the spooning position right after she falls asleep. I need to claim my portion of the covers before she even gets into bed or I'm in for a chilly night.

  • Kati

    I am convinced that the longevity of my relationship (4 years dating, 15 years married) was getting separate comforters for sleeping and doing away with the top sheet entirely. No more waking up when the hubby twitches during a dream. No more arguing over the type of covering - he has a thin cover, I have a down comforter. No "too hot/too cold" conversations.

    For those of you who must make the bed every morning - either fold the secondary covering to go at th foot of the mattress, or stuff it away somewhere else. So worth it.

  • hatsg

    This is radical, yet ingenious.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I have an extra twin duvet so that I can be warm.

  • We've been married all of three weeks, so I'm going to complain about something that I also find endearing-he loves to teach me. Lecture. INFORM ME. About everything. Our second date we watched Top Gun (his favorite) and he kept pausing the movie to explain the different types of fighter jets. I wanted to scream "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT, JUST GET TO THE HALF NAKED VOLLEYBALL GAME!" but I wanted to lose my virginity more so I kept my mouth shut.

    Today we watched the director's cut of Gettysburg. He was very excited, the man is a huge history nerd. I was excited too, but a near five hour movie took us six hours to watch so he could pause it and explain every OTHER part of the battle not featured in the movie. It's...patience testing. But I also love that he's passionate and smart.

    He also needs to cut his toenails more frequently. DAGGERS.

  • Miley's Virus

    "Our second date we watched Top Gun (his favorite)"

    Sounds like your husband is about as straight as a French horn.

  • Oh, Julie. My husband does the SAME LECTURING THING and it drives me out of my MIND. He knows everything - and not like Cliff Clavin, either. My hubby has an encyclopedic brain and he loves to share its contents. And he loves to correct people. Even on trivialities that any mere mortal would ignore.

    I once asked him (a la the evil Dr. Phil), "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happily married?" His response? "So, it would be better for me to just let you keep believing something I know to be wrong??"

    Sometimes, yes. Yes it would. Gah!

  • apsutter

    This reminds me of How I Met Your Mother and how they call Ted "The Corrector" because he always has to correct every little thing.

  • Puddin

    I'm pulling a chair up to this table, sisters. And I brought wine. And I've totally used the dr. Phil line on my husband. And he always answers, "Right".

  • I feel SO much better knowing that I'm not alone. Perhaps we should start a support group?

  • Two factors killing my current relationship...

    Distance (we just graduated and she is the next state over)...

    Age...I am 9 years older. I am sure many people have no issues with age differences...I find it difficult. I often find myself having to explain references constantly.

    The worst part is neither of us just have the nerve to end it. We are going through the annoying motion of pretending one of us is going to move back to the other one. Doing a five hour drive each weekend just waiting for one of us to finally admit this is pointless is slowly killing me.

  • duckandcover

    Just do it, even if you're the bad guy. It's going to suck, but time will heal it.

  • I punted and just fled the country. Holy shit it is hot here in Australia...

  • Maguita NYC

    Haagen Dazs?


  • Amazeballs

    We've only been married for a few months, so everything that is technically annoying is still pretty adorable. I'm sure in a while it will drive me nuts that he walks in and starts talking to me during The Most Important Part of every movie (seriously, his timing is uncanny), or that we inevitably engage in the guessing game of "where does he know that one actress from?". (Spoiler: it's from a generic rom-com or a guest spot on a terrible sitcom. Always.) But, for right now, it's kind of endearing. So, not applicable, but that'll probably change once we're out of the honeymoon phase.

  • ZombieNurse

    My husband refuses to do any of the cooking. It drives me frakking insane because I shouldn't have to be responsible for feeding his ass all of the time. It wouldn't be so bad if he'd just try, but he will willfully not eat if he has to make any food for himself. I've literally seen him go without eating if for some reason or another I wasn't going to cook for him. Even when we agree to just fend for ourselves (meaning I don't give a fuck if he eats an entire box of dry pasta if it means I don't have to cook for him) he will sometimes try to get me to cook for him anyways.

    It makes me want to beat him to death with a pair of flip-flops.

  • Guest

    What the fucking what?

  • Guest

    O my god the loud nose-breathing when we're watching tv. Always had a major pet peeve re. loud breathers...and now I'm married to one. I must have done something very, very bad in a past life.

  • HerGuyWednesday

    Her taste in men is awful. How can I respect someone who would date someone like me for so long?

  • Rochelle

    A friend of mine says that when a man tells her some variation of " I'm not good enough for you," she believes them. She's learned it either means there is something she doesn't want to know, or they will treat her with scorn for lowering herself to date them.

  • Samantha

    My significant other doesn't have any annoying habits because he doesn't exist! Annoying habits is one of the reasons that I have chosen to never marry (the decision was finally made when I saw a couple debating which cling wrap to buy at the supermarket and I thought "I do not want that"). So I get to have all the annoying habits that I want and no partner to complain about it! Bonus.

  • fartygirl

    samesies, Samantha. :-)

    some of these comments remind me of reasons i've dumped dudes. like failing to admit he's wrong? then you're an asshole in my book. dealbreaker.

    but the cool thing is that we all have our different dealbreakers. so when and if that person comes along who produces none of your dealbreakers, you get to be all romcom in real life. for a little while. haha. :-)

  • Rochelle

    I did the same thing. Except that I looked at my parents and realized they had been having the same argument for 35 years. At that point my faint interest in marriage died.

  • Blondevenus

    My husband and I have been married four years and known each other for sixteen. The list is too long. Lately my biggest peeve is that he somehow knows the release date of every video game and can't for the life of him remember any details about our daughter's life (friends/schedule/doctor/etc). I also don't appreciate being used as an alarm clock.

  • **I AM** NotTheOne

    The whistling. Whistling at EVERY SONG. Off key. Fingernails on a blackboard. In all other things he is awesome.

  • He doesn't say "Excuse me" when he burps. Drives me crazy.

  • InternetMagpie

    I laugh when mine burps. FARTS ARE INEXCUSABLE, THOUGH.

  • Maguita NYC


  • InternetMagpie

    They seize me with fear because who knows how bad they'll smell.

  • Maguita NYC

    They kick me out of bed no matter how cold it is!

    Oh, and true story. My ex was somewhat of a body-builder, not ape-like muscle hound, but quite beautiful. Dumb as wood, but was good wood and lovely to stare at (reading this, I feel like a prick). Anyways, as someone watching his food intake and maintaining muscle built, his diet was very high-protein with those shakes, tons of tuna cans, etc.

    And this diet made him very flatulent.

    One morning, he got to work (was a store manager at a mall), and before opening the store he went for coffee on the second floor. And took the escalator.

    He felt a big one coming.

    He looks around, all from his beautifully tall and impressive 6'4 stature, sees no one, and lets it rip.

    And rip.

    While smirking with satisfaction, he suddenly feels a tap on his lower back. And a loud yet pitiful "HEYYY!!!"

    A very old extra petite lady was standing right there behind him, one step down on the escalator.

    He swears he did NOT see her there before letting loose.

    The old bat kept following him around the mall for 10 minutes yelling insults at him. He was so embarrassed.

  • e jerry powell

    I think I'm glad I'm not gay-married.

  • ZyGGy

    The hub can't stand having the blanket tucked into the mattress around his feet so he destroys the bed every night. This wouldn't be such a big deal except that I cannot stand an unmade bed and have to remake the whole thing every day rather than just turning up the covers.

    He also likes to lovingly stroke my chin. The ladies out there will get why this is an issue.

  • badkittyuno

    OMG with the bed-destroying! And he gets in bed with socks on, but doesn't like to wear them to sleep, so he pulls them off and I find seven pairs of socks in the sheets every time I do laundry.

  • DeltaJuliet

    Also, don't lovingly rub my stomach. I'm not obese, but I also don't have a six-pack. Leave. it.alone. And, don't pinch it.

  • duckandcover

    Re: chin. NO.

  • My guy strokes my chin too-I'm not annoyed with it, but what IS that? My boobs are a few inches BELOW.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Makes note in handy notepad:

    Always stroke SO's boobs, not chin. Got it.

  • raeraefred

    he's imaginary.

  • Wembley

    Imaginary or Pretend?

    [A Pretend S.O. is a real person who has no idea they are your S.O.
    Imaginary never existed in the "real world". ]

  • raeraefred

    some variant, i guess. i don't have a specific person i know in mind, but i'd like to think there exists someone in the "real world" for me.

  • Brooke

    I think my husband is just one traumatic event away from being a candidate for Hoarders. He refuses to throw stuff away and just barely keeps it manageable. It drives me up the wall, but I do recognize that he is trying to keep a handle on it. I can't really complain though. We've been together 15 years, married 14 and for all but this last year I was undiagnosed bi-polar. He put up with a lot from me and is supporting me now in ways I can't even explain. So, I think I can overlook spare rooms filled with stuff.

  • Kolby

    My husband and I came very close to divorce last year, and while the little annoyances remain, and probably always will (he takes forever to move into the left turning lane, for some reason - things like that), we're working on moving past some BIG annoyances and doing a pretty good job of it. So I'm just grateful, I guess, and try REALLY hard to not be annoyed as much.

    Check with me in a nother year, maybe.

  • thatstrangewoman

    The hub-unit and I have been together for nearly fifteen years and married for eleven. The most annoying thing about him is the noises he makes: slurping coffee or any hot beverage instead of waiting a minute to let it cool, the cracking of the fingers and neck, and his snarfling from near constant allergies. I recognize the latter can't be helped for the most part, and he does make me laugh when in his attempts to stop leaking like a faucet he stuffs toilet paper tusks into his nostrils, then bellows like a walrus.

    The least annoying thing about him? He loves to vacuum and do the dishes. How can I complain about that?

  • The Mister and I have been married 20 years. After a while, you get used to the things that drove you batty in the beginning. But some things are eternal. For me, it's his propensity for using as many dishes, pans, and utensils as humanly possible to make a single meal, with nary a preparatory object being cleaned during the process, resulting in my kitchen being an unholy wreck. I cleaned up just such a mess after last night's dinner. On the other hand, he made blackened salmon and fresh sugar snap peas and a decadent crab dip, and then made me coffee. So I accepted the irksome thing as the price for an excellent dinner I didn't have to make.

    The only other thing that bugs me is his aversion to putting away clean clothes. I've learned to just leave them in the basket and pretend not to see it. Coping mechanisms are key to a long marriage.

    I am sure his list of what irritates him about me would be quite a bit longer, but I did warn him, long before we married, that I am high maintenance.

  • Yes. On both fronts, dear God, YES! My husband cooking me a special meal is it's own special hell. It takes 2 hours (thus sticking me with the kids at bed/bathtime), destroys the kitchen - every cooking utensil and a large swath of the FLOOR, he brings out the meal like the Shah and I'm stuck cleaning up the foodsplosion that just occurred in there. Meanwhile he's all like, "I'm a romantic guy, look at the fabulous thing I just made for you!"

    Note: He is a fabulous guy so I just grin and bear the occasional kitchen nightmare. But truth be told he would win waaay more brownie points by showing up with some Thai food take out.

  • ljridley

    Oh my god...the laundry! We don't do each others laundry and he has something like ten baskets of clothes in the basement, plus piles of folded clothes. Plus piles of dirty clothes. He has like three dressers which he doesn't use. This amuses me more than annoys me. What annoys me is when he manages to washes sheets, towels, or napkins and they disappear into the morass.

  • Amanda Meyncke

    "A useful principle for all couples: don’t try to change each other. Study and subvert each other." - John Jeremiah Sullivan

  • duckandcover

    "No." - GrumpyCat

  • Malin

    My husband and I have only been married for 4 years, but we've been together for a whopping 12, ever since we met at University.

    I know that me biting my nails annoys the heck out of him, as does my frequently petulant refusal to admit that I'm wrong until it's really very obvious that I've completely and without a shadow of a doubt have lost the argument. And I'm a mess (but there is system in it, and I very rarely have to ask HIM where things are).

    What annoys me about him?

    He will eat sweets, and snacks and biscuits, or other things that I buy and put away in the event that we have guests or to just have at some later point, and then when I go to look for it, it'll be gone, and I'll yell at him. This probably happens at least once a month.

    He constantly loses his things, and I have to find them for him. I'm pretty much his social calendar, remembering whether he has appointments, meetings, concerts or other social engagements booked, whether I'm to go with him or not. I suspect this may be because we've been together for so long that he no longer needs to remember things - he knows I'll do it for him.

    He can be quite inadvertently thoughtless, and will on occasion take me and all the stuff I do for the household for granted, but when called on it, he will always apologize and will on occasion, make up for it with some sort of amazing grand gesture of spontaneity and surprise. Once, while I went out to the shops, he spent the entire time making little pieces of paper with "kudo" written on them, so that when I got back, he could and literally did, shower me with kudos.

    Things like that, and the fact that I'm having a much easier time thinking of things that I do that no doubt drive him crazy, than think of things he does that drives me crazy, is why we are still together. And because he's my best friend, who I can talk to about everything. Besides, no one else would get all the in jokes we have. Oh, so many.

  • 724wd

    who had to clean up all the kudos?

  • Malin

    We both cleaned up the kudos. It was a joint effort, and totally worth it.

  • Malin

    Also, I'm pretty sure love means saying you're sorry all the damn time, sometimes when it's not even your fault. At least that's my experience, and it's worked pretty well so far.

  • Maguita NYC

    I completely agree! It takes a whole lot more love to overstep one's ego and admit wrong-doing. With all due respect to Mrs. Julien, and even though I completely get the romance behind Mr. Julien's lovely postcard, however, whenever I hear "Love is never having to say I'm sorry", I automatically think, "Now THIS is building plausible irresponsibility".

    I just murdered romance, didn't I?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Lovely postcard? It was a harpy shrieking at her equally horrendous mate as he smashes a liquor bottle and then the most insipid and delusional movie quote about love of all time? Funny postcard, not lovely. Oh, and in his haste to share his cleverness Mr. Julien spelled it "your sorry". I made him correct it later.

  • duckandcover

    Mr. DaC and I have been on and off together for eight years and it was only this past August that I felt all the colors of the wind were right for moving in together. I've always been aware of his faults, but now I'm being subjected to that "I see all your faults because I'm living with you oh God how did I think this was going to work GET ON YOUR SIDE OF THE HOUSE" deal.

    He farts anywhere, anytime. He's lucky they rarely smell, but oh my God, I hate it when he farts. He's also a spoiled only child, so I'm getting a lot of "Oh, I didn't think of [considerate gesture that would make DaC's life infinitely easier]" and "Don't yell at me. Just tell me what to do." "I DID TELL YOU WHAT TO DO." "Yes, but tell me and let me do it without shouting at me." Somehow, him not knowing how to clean is my fault when I flip on him (and I am very patient. Very patient). He also gets frustrated easily when things don't go the way he planned (the dogs not obeying him, etc.) and loves to shout while playing Battlefield 2 with noise-muting headphones on.

    On the flip side, he will run errands when I'm too tired to do them or leave me alone when I want to be alone. He also scratches my back before we go to sleep (if I'm not awake because someone's being wrong on the Internet). He's also pretty smart in his own way about things that I'm completely derp about (guns, cars, The Matrix, etc.). He also balances me out if I'm being too serious or too goofy.

  • Quatermain

    My current relationship is still so wobbly-legged Bambi new that I'd hesitate to even call it a relationship. As such, everything she does is still adorable. My parents, on the other hand, have been married for forty years. They do this to each other and then both complain about the other one's end of it to me:

    My mother(three rooms away from my father): Mumble mumble mumble

    My father: WHAT?!

    My mother(still three rooms away): Mumble mumble mumble

    My father: WHAT?!

    Repeat ad inifinitum or one of them gets annoyed enough to actually go into the room where the person they are trying to talk to is located. Cue accusations of deafness and mumbling.

  • Quatermain

    Last time I was there (Thanksgiving) I took the bull by the horns and suggested that they either sell Wayne Manor and buy a smaller house, or put in an intercom system. Neither suggestion met with acclaim.

  • Guest

    "My current relationship is still so wobbly-legged Bambi new"

    That is just the most amazing description of anything ever.

    Tangential: My husband and I do the same thing your parents do. Kill me.

  • duckandcover

    My parents are similar.

    Dad: MOM.

    Mom: WHAT?

    (Silence until she stops what she's doing and goes into the room.)

  • badkittyuno

    My parents' variation.

    Mom: mumble mumble (usually talking over the TV volume as high as it will go)
    Dad: WHAT??
    Mom: *snotty voice* well, never mind then.

  • DeltaJuliet

    Well then I am glad I have nipped this in the bud. Now, if someone wants me, they can COME TO ME! I am done running around the house, dropping whatever I am doing, to see what everyone else wants.

  • naivehelga

    My man would rather let a giant stack of dirty dishes accumulate in the sink than unload and re-load the dishwasher. Makes me CRAZY.

  • Sara Habein

    High-five for 10th Anniversaries. The mister and I have been married for 10, together for 11. We were even insane and got married at 19. (Note to Children: EXCEPTION, NOT RULE.)

    I don't really air my grievances about him, but there are few. HOWEVER, the one thing that immediately popped into my mind (pun semi-intended) is his cracking of all his joints. He's broken many, many bones and injured himself in countless stupid ways when he was a kid, so the pops are awful.

    But I hate the noise no matter who is doing it. The difference is, with him, I can be all dramatic and flaily about how awful it is, and then we go right back to whatever we were doing.

  • exploranora

    I have the same exact feeling about joint cracking! And also props to you for 10 years together despite all the crackity crack cracks.

  • Gabs

    If things work out with the guy I'm talking to right now, this will be his complaint of the future. I crack everything, and he already flinches if it's loud and/or unusual. But at least he knows this before anything gets started...

  • Sara Habein

    Exactly. Lay it all out ahead of time!

  • duckandcover

    Oh God, I'm a nervous cracker. It's starting to become a tic that, when I'm standing still, I go through the neck, the fingers, the wrists, and the knees. If I'm sitting down, it's cracking my back, along with everything already listed.

  • Sara Habein

    *shudder* ;)

blog comments powered by Disqus