Pajiba

Nothing. All the results have my names in the wrong order. Does this mean I fail or that I'm exceptionally original? Special, if you will?

LOLOL, okay, so I got two. The first is this weird photographer dude who has a website with my name in the domain (www.christian-hagen.com), which is bizarre to me.

But my favorite is an IMDB entry for some actor. Credits:

Girls Will Be Girls: The Jizz Party (2008) .... Jeff
Hairspray (2007) .... Male TV Reporter
No Place to Hide (2006) .... Lawyer
"Uh-Oh!" (1997) TV series .... Slime Tour Referee

So, there you have it! I was the Male TV Reporter in Hairspray. Bet you're jealous now!

I am officially the 81st link on google if you search just my first and last name. No famous people, although most of the links were for a doctor from Indiana or correspondence from a civil war soldier with my name. There was one possible reference to me higher up from a genealogy site; they had my name and my father's name correct, but not my mother's, so it could be a weird coincidence. Mostly quite boring.

My name is uncommon enough that, outside of a few people in Ireland, no one shares it, which means that most of the first-page hits are me - my Facebook page, my college Ultimate Frisbee team's website (I used to be treasurer), results from debating competitions I've been at and so on. I am, however, also an anaesthetist and two annoying teenagers from various corners of the country. Huzzah!

I would need a much more commonly occurring last name for this to work. I only get high school box scores and the Nobel Prize I won in Medicine.

My firm does too effective a job of marketing; I'm the first 25 or so results except for some guy in Buckeye, Arizona. After that, however, the notable thing is that most of the people who have (or had) my name are, ahem, deceased.

Damn you Final Destination! Wait, is that a roller skate with a lit stick of dynamite rolling tow---

My name is not a particularly common one. My first name is the 25th most common male name in the US, and my last name is #456. However, put them together and you have the same name as a Gold Rush era train robber as well as the official artist of NASCAR. So pardon me while I fashion a gaudy collector plate, and then take it outside and shoot it....

If I google my name, my facebook page is the second result. I evidently share a first and last name with a local designer in Atlanta, some chick in Panama City, FL, and a reviewer on Amazon.

Most hits past page one are things that feature my first and last name, but not together or obituaries for old biddies, since my first name was super popular about 80-90 years ago.

I mentioned doing this the other day, which I'm sure is where you got the idea, but anyway, I'm still:

1. A doctor at Duke Medical Center (Clinical Interests: Movement disorders, Parkinson's disease and other Parkinsonian Disorders, generalized and focal dystonias, Huntington's disease, Lewy body disease, myoclonus, Restless legs syndrome, Progressive Supranuclear Palsy, Corticobasal Ganglionic Degeneration, Multiple System Atrophy, Shy-Drager syndrome, spasmodic torticollis, tremor disorders, tic disorders, Botulinum Toxin injections, deep brain stimulation implant)

2. A singer/songwriter, living in Nashville and working on my fourth CD.

3. And, if you flip my first and last names, an abstract painter.

Any of you ladies like a deep brain stimulation implant? Sounds multiple-orgasm enabling to me.

Apparently I am the youngest flying ace of World War II. Once he shot down four victims in 36 hours. He crash-landed twice and was shot in the leg once. By the way, all this happened in the same month.

And then there is me on Facebook and Pajiba. Neat.

@ Optimus Rhyme: I'm guessing your real name is Blossom Utonium.

Sadly, my government name is real common. I share it with a former host of Double Dare, an astronomer, some tech nerd, a sports reporter in Oregon (which is funny as I'm a former ink-stained wretch) and a fine art photographer among others. I hope nobody thinks that jerk on Twitter is me, either with my real identity or my alias. (But which one is the alias?)

This comment diversion can suck it. Everybody knows that when you Google me, all you get is George Clooney's bimbo ex-girlfriend.

Although, to be fair, that also means I can pretty much do whatever the hell I want on these here interwebs and it all gets blamed on some other dumb bitch. I win!

Apparently I'm also a family lawyer, computer programmer, and champion bass fisherperson, with my own line of lures. Lawyer, sure I hope so, computer geek, yeah, kinda, but champion fish-catcher? Are you kidding me? This blows, I'm done with the self-googling.

I have a really ethnic last name, and apparently I'm either a Lutherin Minister or a lawyer from the Czech Republic.

Also tried my nicknames, but I got nothing from em.

Anything with the exact same spelling as my name is just my stuff like Twitter, Facebook, AIGA, and school. Then, there's this fucking cheerleader from Australia on Facebook. In two days, I shall have her head. There can be only one!

This comment diversion can suck it. Everybody knows that when you Google me, all you get is George Clooney's bimbo ex-girlfriend.

Sarina's real name is Renee Zellweger?

Under my old last name I am a German supermodel and a transgendered forum troll. Under my new last name I test video games.

My doppleganger is a star rugby player in Ireland. I wish I was that rugged...and in shape.

Let's see, my alter ego is a natural history writer, photographer, and illustrator. And the author of the Wildlife Guide to Chile. Cool.

When I include my middle initial, Google starts showing me. I see a poem I published, my name in the program for a conference I presented at last November, and a very old telephone listing. So that's nice, I guess.

Me, myself, and I are the first 3 pages (and the first 5 images). Then I get interrupted by some searches that include both my and my brother's names, and we are usurped a page later by Nicole Scherzinger of Pussy Cat Dolls. Hey, my name's Nicole! I can sing, can't dance... which makes me the polar opposite of a PCD. Boo.

Full name just brought up facebook and work related stuff. Still, it's nice to see the entire first page of google devoted to me, me, me!

My first name brought up a concrete company, something related to libraries and... holy crap, I'm the Queen of Sweeden!

Apparently, I'm a political lobbyist, simultaneously living in Chicago AND North Dakota, played in the Australian Football league in 1918, and somehow involved in the band Simple Minds.
Oh, and I served 21 years in Western Penitentiary for murder. According to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, I don't care what happens to me because I'm already dead inside.

Apparently, there are far too many consecutive vowels in my name.

The first and second results were articles about my (slightly differently spelled) doppelganger being murdered by her lesbian lover in Pennsylvania.

The next is about a chick with my exact first and last names (exceedingly weird, though I'm not willing to share my name in order to demonstrate that) being named Miss Teen USA in the state directly south of mine.

The next few after that, pure me, all work-related. God, being "professional" is hell on the anonymity.

i have the same name as a playwright, an actor from a 1983 episode of doctor who, an electrician on the movie 'face/off', a federal judge in pennsylvania, a photographer specializing in b&w, and a representative from north carolina.

and my screen persona is a neworder song.

@ Optimus Rhyme: I'm guessing your real name is Blossom Utonium.

He said NEW character. So his name is obviously Ben 10.

Then, there's this fucking cheerleader from Australia on Facebook. In two days, I shall have her head.

I know what you meant, but I went the dirty filth sex route anyway. Never looking back, either.

Just me and a dead woman in Canada. But I get three pages of hits. I guess it pays to be an Important Volunteer Person.

When I was married I shared my Google hits with a nuclear physicist.

There are a whole lot of scientists and economists with my name. Though I have a few articles that have risen in the rankings since I fell in good with a few other writers, the highest of my google rankings is a now-non-existent webpage that Bitter But Brilliant ruined for me. If I ever find out who stole my TWoP tag, registered over there, and started flame wars, I will begin to enact a systematic series of digital-life destroying events that will make American Dad's Roger's destruction of Sydney in "The One That Got Away" seem merciful.

Just a few soccer articles. my name is shared with a footballer (I emphasise not a football star). Just a player who plays with a shitty team, oh and a facebook page which someone had set up for me once. i'm really not into the social networking websites. Anyway. that's it. Nothing very interesting really.

My name is so common there are probably thousands of people (male and female) who have the same name as me worldwide. I've never done anything to warrant a Google entry, so none of the millions of hits I get with my name even refer to me.

Hey, my name's Nicole! I can sing, can't dance... which makes me the polar opposite of a PCD. Boo.
Posted by: staramour at June 16, 2009 9:44 PM
_____________________________________
Nope. It puts you at the top of my list, Nicole.

Hahahahaha!

I am NOWHERE on the Web. Page after page after page of NOT ME.* And that is the way I like it.

True story: One idle Sunday afternoon I got to thinking about my very first boyfriend, the one from First Grade. Sweet boy. And just because I had nothing to do, I went to Google. And in thirty seconds, I shit you not, I knew what he looks like now, who he's married to, his kids' names and where they all live. Oh, and where he works. Lucky for him I'm not mentally unbalanced, isn't it?

Nonentity is good.

(*However, a person whose name is one letter off from mine is apparently a prominent cancer researcher. That's nice. Anybody know how to do that "identity theft" stuff?)

Anybody know how to do that "identity theft" stuff?)

Posted by: Jerce at June 16, 2009 10:27 PM
__________________________________

If I did , Jerce, I'd be sending mash notes to D.R.

I guess my research article on the mechanical unfolding of titin is not a high-hitter.

Posted by: s. pisaster at June 16, 2009 10:32 PM

Since all of this research seems to initiate from the University of Illinois main campus, I guess that makes us neighbors. Can't quite tell which funky-to-my-white-boy-ears ethnic name is yours, so I'll leave any further speculation alone for the moment.

Ha, a backdoor excuse for explanation. Just think I use my middle name because I'm pretentious as hell? It's not just that ... it's because there are actually more "Steven Wilson"s than there are people in the world. Some musician, a writer for Mexican Rolling Stone, a Cubs pitcher from a couple decades ago, some former Air Force guy who insisted he had evidence of a government cover up of UFOs and mysteriously disappeared ... I've even met several other "Steven Wilson"s in person over the years.

Hence the middle name, which is convenient because it's awesome. It's my dad's name (consistent with the awesome hypothesis) and it is well established as the best middle name for full name use (Andrew Lloyd Webber, Frank Lloyd Wright).

There is apparently only one other "Steven Lloyd Wilson", but he died in a plane crash last year according to the Google, so I am the current name holder of record.

wow a lot of people share my name.
but when i checked my own it says i have a criminal record i do not have a crinminal record i'm on very good terms with the Police Chief.
i have a record of being in a mental instatution but not a prison.

Woo I'm the only me on the internet!
(this does not make for interesting reading)

Huh. Real me shows up on the first page, about five down, following a professional photographer and someone from Vancouver who shares my name. Lets see... second page.. stupid twitter account (she's an arachnophobe too!), stupid comment on one of Hef's slutty ex girlfriends, and shit. Someone who writes erotic Twilight fanfiction . I'm prematurely declaring myself the winner of the regular search. Go on, try to beat the shame of sharing a name with someone who writes sparkle porn.

Not bad. Nine of the ten links on the first page are to me, including two Pajiba links (coming in at #4, "Introducing the TV Whore" - that'll do wonders for my next job search!)....

Now, what'll it take to get a gay porn star link in the top ten?

I have a fairly uncommon name, and I work professionally in live theater. This means that 90% of the results I get are actually about me, and are almost all about theaters or shows I've been involved with.

There's only one thing that confuses me about you: when you Google yourself, which initial stands for "panda"?

The one that fits snugly in the middle. BAM!

Well, let's see: I was married to Disney cartoonist Bill Peet (took damn fine care of him, too, apparently); am a naturopathic doctor with a specialty in Ayurveda (ooh! And I wrote a book!); Owner, Healthy Inspirations Ltd/ Director Natrol (UK) Ltd; am a 65-ish woman in Rochester, NY with a Facebook page; am the Senior Vice President and National Sales Director for GNC; and oh look, there's my actual Twitter page, second to last on the first page of hits. Oh, and Betty Friedan thanks me in the introduction of her 2006 memoir, "Life So Far". Jesus, there are really a lot of me. Neat!

(Ha! I found my mom on page 3. She has a Classmates.com profile.)

But battgirl, I know for a fact that you love Edward Cullen with every ounce of your heart. And you write yourself into your own stories so you can get closer to him. You're like Stephen King. Except with shiny vampire smut.

The one that fits snugly in the middle. BAM!

Posted by: jM at June 16, 2009 11:00 PM

P snugly in the middle. Oh. Being a bedwetter is a dealbreaker.

I'm team Jacob, Optimus. That shiny bastard can go fuck himself.

I. AM. FREAKING. OUT.

Steven Lloyd Wilson - when I was little, I had an imaginary friend named Lloyd. It was pronounced "LaLoyd". Not sure how old I was and I have no clue where I came up with the name, but I must have seen it written on something & tried to sound it out. My dad will still occasionally ask me if I've talked to "LaLoyd" lately.

wow...I am apparently
a) and member of the English Women's cricket team
b) someone obsessed with paper
c) a really bad fan artist who loves sheep (!)
d) a violin teacher.

If I limit it to Australia only, the first entry is in fact me...but it is a list of people who booked the electron microscope at my University, so it's not very exciting...you could also find a contact for me at my old job, a media release about my coming runner up in an essay competition when I was 14, and my name on a list of current honours students where I just finished studying.

I think my favourite is that my name appears as a character in a Mills and Boon novel, though. Someone paid 80 cents for it on an Australian auction site. It describes her as 'sexy'. Christ, my mother used to read that trash...that would have been...awkward, methinks...

SPENDER IS RYAN REYNOLDS OMG.

BWAH!!! I youtubed my name and found a guy! He's a British "date guru" with a faux-hawk that has a red stripe up it. Seems like quite a wanker.

That girl has my name. Or most of it anyway. But. There it is. Holy fucking shit you guys.

YOU MUST WATCH.

Posted by: figgy at June 16, 2009 11:53 PM

What's the big deal? EE has always been in the hands of a five-year old...

totally off topic...

But I just watched my Tivo'd last episode of Pushing Daisies.

And I'd like to say a big FUCK YOU to ABC executives.

Yeah, I'd rather be a convicted murderer than a creepy Spanish girl. At least I get to be immortalized on the LAPD Historical site for killing one of L.A.'s finest. That's an honor no one can deny.

Oh now that's just mean. You made the little girl cry and now she's gonna send one of her minions (did you SEE them?! and her DJ friend?) to kill you with Spanish rhymes.

Posted by: figgy at June 17, 2009 12:29 AM

Spanish rhymes are seductive, not fatal (unless you conflate the two, in which case the problem is exclusively yours). Thus, I win.

jesus, figgy, warn people a little. you *know* we can't resist clicking on shit.

Actually, number #1 is BAM...my Facebook page, meaning, once and for all, I rule all of Googledom!

In addition, I am also clearly a world-champion turkey taxidermist and the co-creator of a free Canadian magazine dedicated to overindulging in alcohol and drugs, called Vice. Oh how I wish I were surprised...

My double is a visual artist. What really sucks is that I don't like or respect his work at all.

No! No, wait! I am not her. I swear! I hate the color pink! and and and I don't have DJ friends! And I don't sing!

Damnit. Now I'm gonna have to go and stab that bitch.

my facebook page is first, when i went to google images, the only picture that shows up is me holding a domo easter bunny in target

I come up first for a political contribution I made during the last campaign. Some website tracks that shit.

There is apparently only one other "Steven Lloyd Wilson", but he died in a plane crash last year according to the Google, so I am the current name holder of record.

Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at June 16, 2009 10:46 PM
---------------------------------------------
You had him killed, didn't you?

My Google search is all me for the first 12 hits or so, then spotty from then onwards. The further you go, the more Ralph Lauren shows up.

Oh, I know. I tend to have that effect on people.

Oh, and porn. Something to with porn eventually showed up. That might just be Google though.

Rule 34.

You had him killed, didn't you?

Helloooo....he has three names. What kind of people love three names? Assassins and serial killers.

So yeah.

Hahahaha, one of the image results for my name is of Jeremy Feist.

What about Republican Presidents?

The evidence is indeed mounting....

I am, it seems,

- An associate professor of cosmology.

- Myself, via my author's bio on my publisher's site. (Yay! Now, somebody buy the books.)

- A university administrator in Cairo.

- Myself, via my personal / bio page in an obscure online community nobody has heard of, and we like it that way. (Yay?)

- Followed by pages of random English-speaking net-citizens, none of them me.

Under the common abbreviation for my name, I am a deceased hair-obsessed D-list celebrity from a previous generation. For pages. I, the real me show up nowhere.

My Pajiba-handle, however, shows up enough to make me feel like an actual fake person. It looks like in net (sic), my persona has far higher media exposure and name recognition than "I" do.

Y'all are eddikated here, right? You know that Mark Twain was a pen-name, and that George Orwell wasn't his given name. Twain was clear on the real / fake thing. Orwell not so much.

From this it seems like the plan is to start a fake blog and become my persona. There are worse fates than to follow the steps of George Orwell (not his real name.) Like, for instance, becoming a hair-obsessed D-list pseudo-celebrity.

Twain / Orwell '12
If we're going to elect poseurs, let's get good ones.

I share a name with a bible counselor out in BC. He is listed on numerous kids' myspace pages under inspirations. I was thrilled to find out about this.

I use my middle name to differentiate myself from this character. Unfortunately, my middle name is Christian.

Thrilling again.

My name is unique enough that I just got my own facebooks and stuff. LAME

I'm always American. I guess my name is very popular there (I'm not American, just in case that's confusing).

I have my own website and I'm a freelance writer/television producer. Puh, some Yank has got my life!! Well, better than mine.

On a side note, the other day I got an email about Microsoft's new search engine, Bing. I am not sure about that name, as saying 'I have just Binged myself' sounds somewhat rude.

the combination of my first and last names is so unique that reporting any of the results would reveal my full identity in a flash.

pros and cons, eh?

Last time Jim Smyth got googled there was a very generic artist who liked to paint pictures of flowers. He is now in his next phase of ripping off classic artists and is doing pencil studies of the human body.

There also happened to be a knife maker by the name that loved to ply his wares on line.

There also happen to be quite a few seemingly Irish nationalist books about anti-catholicism and the history of the working class which has me wondering whether these were written by my great grandad namesake; the drunkard black sheep of the family who hated everyone and ran away from his family a lot. Irish nationalism, the working class and hating the rest of his heavily catholic family kinda fits the picture I have of him except he probably could barely write when he was sober coming from the arsehole of England known as Barrow in Furness.

I have a lot of my art up online, so there's mostly that. Non-art related it turns out I was a member of the 1999 graduating class of East Side Christian High School in Greenwood, SC. I also came across a really sad story where a mom with my name gave the commencement speech at her murdered son's graduation. So sorry, random lady with my name. This stranger is sad for you.

This is an interesting diversion...considering that I do this from time to time to make sure there isn't anything out there that could be slanderous or detrimental to my job and such.
I did this about 2 days ago and I found the usual...an elementary school named bearing my name and a bunch of different links containing info about it and the like-named woman for which it's named, a couple of links to theatre reviews for shows I was in, a link to a facebook page for a girl with the same name (oddly not a link to mine, though), and I think I found a link to my myspace page. The only thing I found that I wasn't happy with was this peekyou.com page that gathers info about you from various internet sources such as profile pictures, etc. They had a couple of past myspace profile pictures of me that aren't bad (they wouldn't have been profile pics otherwise) but they're no longer visible on my myspace/facebook pages, so I'd prefer they not be in the search engine. I contacted them a few days ago to see if they can remove them. I don't mind links to my pages (they're private anyway) but I'd prefer to control what pictures of me are available via Google search.

I learned long ago that I have the same name as a (apparently) very popular porn star. Luckily I've never experienced any kind of mistaken identity.

I also shared the same name with the former spokesperson of the university where I work, and this woman apparently pissed people off on a regular basis, because I was forever getting her hate mail. Once the dean called me, forcing me to interrupt my experiment, and began screaming at me to do some "damage control" for some crisis, and then gave me attitude when I politely told him he had the wrong woman. Seemed pissed that I dare be someone else. I also received a lot of "confidential" info from her co-workers in my inbox. If I were a nastier or less lazy person, I could have done some serious blackmail.

Other than that I'm not looking too hard on the net for myself; I had a stalker once and I'm not eager to find any evidence that he might still be fixated on me.

Probably the only (pulls mask off, revealing true self) Leanne Scorzoni in the world. Shows old soccer team results from college, a poem I wrote in college that I put on a blog (I still talk to the guy the poem was about), plays I was in, that's pretty much it. Only other Scorzonis are in Bologna, Italy where I have distant relatives.

Delayed reaction, but I have the same name (First, middle, and last) as some chic out in Cali who decided to give her 18 month old child marijuana. The hearing details and sentencing information all pops up. So yeah....awesome.

My full name brings up a ton of ancestry info, a consulting firm in Seattle, and the stats of a more sports-oriented Elizabeth than myself. However, my screen name (not this screen name, obviously; my other screen name) brings up nothing but 4 pages of me, myself and I.

Fuck Google and its fake diction.

When I google my nom de Pajiba, I get a lot of my comments here. The strange thing is that it has my comments listed and then the link takes you to an online store that sells vibrators. Or a tattoo shop. So that's odd.

I am your source of news on the web, dishwashing detergeant, and the twilight that occurs before sunrise.

Maybe I need to think about a surname.

So, mostly I am from Australia and the UK (I'm not, I'm United Statesian), and have a bevy of boring jobs.

My last name is a noun/descriptive noun, so I am also a type of cheesy floral china (also Australian! wtf?). Whomever owns that shit undoubtedly also has a shelf full of Precious Moments figurines.

Strangely enough I do not come up on Facebook or anything until really far into the search results. That kind of makes me happy.

There was a woman on Trading Spouses with my exact name, who was a racist homophobic thundertwat. My roommate at the time and I actually watched that episode and decided that she's "Bizarro Julie."

That's who comes up for me. Funsies.

I used to be a combination of Ang Lee and Ridley Scott. Now I am an English football defender for Cheltenham Town Football club. Also an editor for Lightstalkers and I was in Rwanda "while the shit was hitting the fan". So I am athletic and brave. Which is kind of awesome.

Woo, apparently I'm a porn star! Sweet.

There are more of me than I thought. When I did this a couple years ago, there weren't that many of us. Now, there are tons (thanks to Facebook and LinkedIn, I guess).

One of us is a therapist of some kind, a couple are lawyers (one of whom was part of an appeal in the Fourth Circuit in a gender discrimination suit), some are in marketing, teaching, etc. Kinda boring. None of the entries are me (I'm not gonna check all 370,000+ results. Maybe I'm down there in result #255,000 or something, but if no one else is gonna look that far, I'm not going to, either. No porn stars.

Oh come on!

First result: "I have only seen *insert my name* once on TV and was impressed with his ball getting ability."

What the fucking fuck?

Apparantly, I'm Knicks Director of Basketball Administration.

I also found an Amazon list that I don't remember making 8 years ago and my old website that I had no idea was still up. Awesome.

Lee: "I used to be a combination of Ang Lee and Ridley Scott
- Ang Scott? Ridley Lee? (sorry that causes me chuckles to say out loud...)

Anna von Beaverplatz: My image search brings up many pictures of Amanda Peet. Whom I look exactly like." Just when I thought you couldn't get any more awesome ...... Does that make me shallow? I got a thing for Amanda Peet.... I'm gonna go blush now...

Hmm...a doctor for one of my duplicates. And an F-16 pilot for the other one.

No, not feeling inadequate at all, why?