Pajiba

Posthumous vote for Bill Hicks.

I know I'm the only Republican/Libertarian on this blog...so I'll make it all better by nominating BALE!!! for President.
He has to be shirtless, somewhat oiled, and scruffy, for all of his State of the Union speeches.

Harrison Ford, if only to hear him utter "Get off my PLANE!" one last time.

I'm actually waiting for the day when Brangelina's horde of progeny must combine powers to save us all from Suri Cruise's inevitable Scientology takeover. You laugh now, but I see the day coming, people!!

Bruce Campbell. He knows the key to winning the war on terror: boomsticks.

"Well hello Mister Bush. Well, I've got news for you pal, you ain't leadin' but two things, right now: Jack and shit... and Jack just left town."

Vanessa Williams for president! She's got the style, the attitude, and the backbone to survive all sorts of slings and arrows thrown at her. Plus, the whole country already knows about the most embarassing thing in her past, so what else is there to bring up against her?

Susan Sarandon, she's political, maybe a bit overly liberal and just a cool person. Plus she was in the Rocky Horror Picture Show - we could throw toast at the inaugeration.

Zombie Ledger FTW!!!

too soon?

Unoriginal, but I'd choose Jon Stewart for the smarts the sarcasm the intolerance of bullshit and the eye candy.

If not him then Martin Sheen. I could pretend that he's Bartlett and die happy.

Angelina Jolie. She's smart, driven and has some foreign relations experience.

Cate Blanchett. She seems smart. Beautiful, but relatable. So she's not actually American. So what?

And to further my female, non-American vote: let's go with Kate Winslet for VP.

So we're ignoring the whole "has to be born in the US and be over a certain age" thing?

Okay, then Mike Leigh. He really knows how to make dysfunctional look beautiful.

Oh, how about Alan Alda as VP?

Dear Godtopus...did you never watch Murder at 1600?

Umm...not that I have...or own it...and watch it every now and then for hot Diane Lane action...

I dunno...I may have to second Ben Affleck. But only if he actually settles down with a non-crazy First Lady. Like Diane Lane.

Him, or Nathan Fillion with Jewel Staite as his First Lady. With Morgan Freeman as VP to be the kind, behind-the-scenes mentor...

Charles Barkley

(Skittimus Maximus-I thought Morristown, IN was made up. But I guess that's cause I live in the "big" city)

Gary Coleman.

You KNOW he's gonna run one day.

Dustin Diamond for VP, bitches!

Clive Owen. We need a sexy president. And Cillian Murphy for Veep. Delishweenis. (Thanks for that Julie.)

...and I'm gunning for Ryan Gosling for Canadian Prime Minister. I know nothing of his politics, but he's awfully easy on the eyes and couldn't be worse than Stephen "George-Bush-talked-to-me-so-now-I'm-a-cool-kid" Harper.

Delishweenis. (Thanks for that Julie.)

Ha! You are most welcome, I'm going to start using that in public. I'll let you know if it garners me a laugh or a punch in the nooners.

I'm surprised no one's said Morgan Freeman yet...

So...Morgan Freeman. I'm pretty sure he'd be able to create world peace with a single keynote address (what with that amazing voice) because he's just that badass.

Is my beloved Jon Stewart too obvious a choice?

He's my imaginary president - honest, well-informed, and and smart as hell. And, incidentally, he rules in his underwear - because it's MY imagination, damnit.

Oh, Jonny - you nebbishy, brilliant wonder...

Skitt...I just watched Verne as Emperor Napoleon. If he promises to fly through the air and kill people who make fun of his height, I will carry him up the steps to the podium to swear him in myself.

The correct answer is obviously Jeb Bartlett. You can call him by that other name, if necessary.

Allyson Hannigan. I could just picture her at foreign summits with hostile world leaders. She would stutter and flounce her way through her opening statement. She'd charm those evil doers into letting their guard down. Like some sort of mystical fawn, those terrorists would slowly be entranced by her big blue eyes and her perfect red hair. They'd picture how she might look on Sunday mornings, hair dischevled, wearing a t-shirt and pajama bottoms , drinking her third cup of coffee over the New York Times. Those evil-doers would fantasize about the two of them struggling over the crossword puzzle, reading Frank Rich's op-ed to each other, and using the Food section to make a list of restaurants that they keep on meaning to check out but never do. Then they'd take a walk together to the local organic food co-op and maybe hit the local Park Slope video store for a nice old Goddard film.

Who needs 72 virgins when you've got nice, sweet, sensual, red-headed Allyson Hanni-

And then she blows their heads up with Magic.

Hollywood's golden liberal couple: Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon.

Jesus, Withnail... good thing my coffee was room temp before I snort-laughed it through my sinuses. If that don't make the top ten, I'm cutting off a finger...

Kermit the Frog. With Gonzo as VP, because he understands what it's like to be a minority, and Miss Piggy as First Lady, natch, because she'd make that Kennedy chick look dowdy.

There's already, like, nine suggestions up above that I'd vote for over Obama/Biden.

Julie...does Delishweenis have the ability to avoid the Vagelbow?

Paul Haggis

Because I figure this country is overdue for a presidential assassination.

Joan Allen for President; Jodie Foster for Vice President

Hmm PissBoy, I'm not sure. The ratio of deliciousness has to outweigh the intense fury of the vagelbow. The crotch is a very unstable place.

I don't know his politics but Terry O'Quinn. He seems like a good leader. And I would vote for his ticket if it contained Bronson Pinchot. He's the best sidekick.

I think we should just cut through the actors from The West Wing and go straight for Aaron Sorkin. He wouldn't have to sneak his hubbas and boomers on Air Force One, and diplomatic relations would certainly improve if we all sat around a bonfire tripping face while we discussed our problems.

First of all, it's utterly frightening that 77% of the poll is for Obama *shudders*

Second, Marilyn Manson would be a great president.

No, wait! Tilda Swinton!

How about the Manson/Swinton ticket?
Can you imagine having a guy w/ the last name "Manson" as President. Almost as bad as a guy who's last name nearly mirrors America's most notorious and hated terrorist!

Ron Jeremy. That would add a certain je ne sais quoi to "being fucked by the government," eh?

And by "je ne said quoi," I mean gaping, bleeding asshole.

Too much?

'Vagelbow'?

Did I miss something because I actually had work to do?

[mouth drops open and eyes widen in feigned horror]

Another libertarian cheerfully waving her hand! (And I live in a state where apparently being actually indicted does not mean you won't still get to be your party's choice for Senate, so this is a nice distraction from actual election results up here in the frozen north.)
I love tons of these choices, Morgan Freeman, Bale, Alan Alda, etc. I'm all in favor of an Alan Alda and Patricia Heaton ticket. It's bipartisan fun!

Though conventions might be interesting again if we put Rob Lowe in the running.

Can I have the last 5 minutes of my life back, please? I think I was better off then, when I was innocent and impressionable, and elbows and vaginas were separate entities (never the twain shall meet!) as Godtopus intended.

Ah someone already beat me to the punch, but were he not foreign born, I'd put my vote behind Gary Oldman.

For Veep, the ever popular Morgan Freeman.

I think they'd balance each other out quite nicely.

Hellfire, hard ass, working class Oldman and the genteel Southern (but with an iron fist underneath that velvet glove) Freeman.

GORDON/FOX 08

Danny Bonaduce, m-fees. It is so obvious.

Vice President=Keanu Reeves because shit, who else?

I agree. Since the veep's job is mainly to do and say absolutely nothing, this would clearly be best for all concerned.

Allison Janney. Awesome on the West Wing, plays white trash well.

" . . . would surely be able to take care of business in the Octagon."

Posted by: slouchmonkey

HAHAHHA! Octagon. hahahhaha. Great joke. You were kidding, weren't you? I know people who really think it IS the Octagon.

I wasn't going to cast my vote for Nathan Fillion, but then he'd have to give up acting, and I don't want that to happen.

No, it's going to have to be someone with experience, like Gopher or Sonny Bono (the zombie).

William H Macy. Universally loved. He can get the Blue vote with subtle nuanced performances and get the Reds with his role in Wild Hogs. (Those Hogs are Wild!) Also, consider the concept of Filliam H. Muffman in the White House. Adorable.

Be Adequite! Trust, you're not the only Libertarian on the blog. But I refuse to give acknowledgment to the GOP. They suck.

But that's why I'm throwing my vote in for Clint Eastwood. He's a cool old dude.

With Matthew McConaughey as VP. The thought of him listening to Eastwood's State of the Union address and then going "Awright, awright, awright" whenever Eastwood would say something totally bad ass makes me smile.

Eastwood/McConaughey!

Matt Groening / Charlie Kaufman.

Walken or Malkovich

Good thing it wasn't meant to be intelligent then, but rather a joke. You know, like most of the posts on this site. Asking for the commentary to stay fun is one thing, but intelligent? C'mon. Seriously, how dare you? Especially when there's drinking involved.

Ooohhh...William H Macy. I didn't even think of that!

Okay, I'll reorganize. Lets have a William H Macy/Tina Fey administration (that will leave her more time to still do 30 Rock) and Amy Poehler can be Chief of Staff.

Plus, my mom could start referring to William H Macy as "The President" instead of "you know...that guy you like that is married to the Desperate Housewife"

Christopher Walken, for the epic speeches.
V.P. Steve Buscemi to round out the weirdness ticket.

Also a fellow Libertarian. We have such shit candidates this year. My jaw hit the floor when I found out McCain saw the internet for the first time a week ago.

Mmmmmmmm, Trent Reznor as Preside-aelkjfaklejanvkdjnaf.

...Ahem. Sorry. Almost drowned in a puddle of my own drool, there.

Tila Tequila

VP: Shannon Doherty

Dennis Farina. Lemmy from Motorhead as the VP. 'Cause nobody would fuck with those 'staches.

And for the record: I'm more Libertarian than anything else, but I hate joining clubs, so I'm not official.

DAVID!!! STOP SAYING THAT NAME!!!

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Bitches get stuff DONE.

slouchmonkey: "I meant Octagon as in fighting arena, where the leaders would fight their damn wars themselves. Mano-a-mano. "

Ah, I didn't get your Octagon reference at all then. I like it, though! I just know people who don't know math. Makes me sad.

In case anyone cares: I just realized I left off "BarbadoSlim" in my 5:23 response, and "credit where credit is due" and all that. Also, f-foxy is an alias I use elsewhere. I am having a shit day.

As you were.

I would vote for Sean Penn. He would really beat this country into shape. And if it tried to leave him and make itself a better country without him, he'd lock the door and give it something to cry about.

Leonard Nimoy--Pres.

William Shatner--VP

Not that Kirk would ever accept second fiddle to Spock, but I have the feeling that Shatner would would just be blowin' shit up left and right if he had his finger on the button.

Oprah.

Y'all, she's running the damn country anyway.

And David Letterman for Veep.

Emmeril for prez: My fellow Americans...BAM!

and Bourdain for Vice.

John Hamm as Don Draper, it would be like JFK all over again

Obviously, Harrison Ford for President because he already has the experience, and who wouldn't want to be led by Han Solo and Indy?
Sally Field for VP, because we all need a mommy.
Ellen Degeneres for Secretary of State. Just for the laughs.

George Clooney

What is with you people that no one has mentioned the Clooney? Knowledgeable, smart, funny, charming, and it's Clooney!!!!

VP? Brad Pitt

Sec. of State? Jolie

Sec. of Defense? Jack Bauer

But it'll be a national offense to call him Mufasa ever again.

Posted by: lordhelmet at August 27, 2008 6:37 PM

Good point. Imagine the hay that the idiots who struggle with Obama's name would make out of that! Not to mention the frenzy from the religious right over the Mystic (the force?)/Jewish aspect of a Vader/Helmet ticket. The attack ads would be priceless...not to mention the response.

Daniel Day-Lewis.

Val Kilmer. I have no idea what his politics are or if he's smart, but, if he approaches the presidency like he does his movies, you bet your ass he won't be taking useless month-long holidays in Crawford. Plus, he's got that ubiquitous 'I think I liked him in a movie at some point...' kind of quality. And he was Batman.

Bill Murray.

Neil Patrick Harris-the world is an awful place and he just needs to rule it.

Fillion can be VP.

YES! Christopher Walken... it was so obvious.

Amongst all the crap, junk food and other paraphenalia in my cube (plus some work related items), are 2 small politically related items hanging on the wall:
1 - A picture of Mr. Met & Condi
2 - A Walken for President poster.

My ticket:
Colbert/Shaffer
A True Leader
A True Bandleader
Leading the march into the future

Plus, if you read the ticket right it becomes a beer ad.

Sec. of Defense? Jack Bauer

More like Secretary of Offense.

Zoe Washburn. She's hot, she's smart, and she will take you out in a heartbeat if she feels it's necessary. Granted, she isn't actually a real person, but then, who actually wants a real, sweaty, stinky, stupid person as president anyways? I'd rather have a puppet I can run from behind the scenes.

Jay--

The loudest of a political party is rarely the best example. And as far as I know he's said the republican party should lose this election for increasing the size of government the most in one president's run (ever).

I say we elect harrison Ford. At the beginning of every sit down with a hostile foreign country we show clips of him kicking assorted nazi and alien ass. Then end it off with a military test footage of our new nuke-resistant fridges.

Our enemies who don't watch movies will be scared shitless until they're dones buying up loads of american made refridgerators. It will be a speedball directly into the withered veins of our economy, until they reverse engineer the technology and decide it's time to try and make something stronger than a nuke.

Jaci re: "What's a libertarian?"

Your mother isn't entirely wrong with "conservative anarchist." "Anarchists" come in three flavors:

- Let's blow stuff up because it's fun & the world sucks. They have tattoos and pretend to have read German philosophers.

- It's all a social(ist) collective, but we don't need any oppressive rules. They make long-winded speeches about ownership, and picket a lot.

- Use of force is intrinsically, ethically bad, or doomed to fail, or both.

Libertarians are sort of like anarchists of the third kind, except rather than absolutes they think use of force is very, very expensive and prone to error. More so than anarchists, really, they think that people free to do their own thing is an unqualified good. Anarchists are kind of strange that way, generally insisting that everyone be free in the one true way - theirs.

Libertarians take as read that "That government is best that governs least." In that notion they are much more in line with classical liberals than current "liberals."

Anywho, all that big-wording aside, a good field test for a Libertarian goes:

* To government they say - Would you please leave me alone to got to hell in my own way?

* When they get the urge to be meddlin, they ask - Is this really my business or ours?

* And when something absolutely has to be done together, they ask - How little can we get away with?

Pick an issue that government might deal with. If the (attractive and sexually adventurous) Pajiban you are ogling across candlelight and a tasteful display of marital aids runs the proposal - the political one - through that wicket of quesions, you are probably seducing a libertarian.

There's an odd humility and arrogance to libertarians. Arrogant in that they think they know the best way to dispose of themselves. Humble in that they don't think they are so right that they should be imposing their ideas on others.

Libertarians are not to be confused with libertines, who are more about a hobby than a philosophy. Although the two words do have the same root. Libertines have more fun because whatever they find fun and agreeable is fair game. Kind of like libertarians, really, except in bed.

I'm Samuel L. Jackson, and I approved this message. Motherfuckers."

Ooooh, I want a Morgan Freeman/Samuel L. Jackson ticket. For the Motherfucker party.

It would be worth it just to have Freeman use his speech from Wanted as a declaration of war: "Otherwise..(*points finger*)..SHOOT THESE MOTHERFUCKERS, and let us take our nation to heights never dreamed of!!!! "

Only issue: Implausible Loom of Fate installed into White House. And Samuel L. Jackson can never visit any scientific research facilities built on old oil rigs housing super-smarts sharks and arrogant British redheads.

Being Canadian, I am guessing my say doesn't count for much in American elections, buuuuuut... I'd love to see some George Clooney in the White House. Charming, witty, gorgeous... and isn't he involved in some UN crap already? Angelina might be a good choice too. Now those two would be a sexy team. *Raowwwr*

Didn't read all the comments since:

a) you started this after I left for work and had to go to a meeting for a food pantry;

b) had to go to a meeting about our past amphitheatre season and next year's amphitheatre season;

c) had to schedule a meeting about scheduling meetings;

d) read as far as Skitts comment and choked on my Diet Pepsi Max, since I LIVE 10 MINUTES FROM MORRISTOWN INDIANA!!!!

No, it is NOT made up, people around here only WISH it was made up!!! Holy jumpin' cheesus on a Ritz with parsley, where did you come up with that one, Skitts?

People around here are redneck enough, and get a bad enough rap without you encouraging them! PLEASE DON'T ENCOURAGE THEM TO THINK TOBY "BOOT IN YOUR ASS" KEITH COULD EVER LEAD THE FREE WORLD!!! Good googly moo, they will want Willie as Secretary of Weed, Merle Haggard as Secretary of You Ain't Like Me, So I Gotta Kick Your Ass, and Kid Rock as Secretary of Skanks, Ho's, and Budweiser!!! Not to mention Vice-President Jeff Foxworthy, Secretary of Communi---comm--yakking---Larry the Cable Douche, Secretary of Offensive Defense Ron White, Secretary of the Interior South Bill Engvall, Secretary General Dipshit Riding Fred Rodney Carrington, and then you'll NEVER get Bill Clinton out of Washington!!!

(****deep breaths***** *****deep breaths****)

Ok, anywho....for President, my top choices would be:

1)Pres. David Palmer, with Jack Bauer as Sec. of Defense (WHERE ARE YOUR MISSILES? You probably don't think I can force this towel down your throat.... oh, I miss Jack...)

2)Morgan Freeman - his voice and wisdom would soothe the whole world, and now we know he is a playa, with Sam as Sec. of Defense ( I have HAD IT.... you get the pic)

3) Robert Downey Jr. with Christian Bale - who would fuck with that combo?

....damn, I still need a stiff drink...and it's only 10:30 in the morning...thanks, Skitt

President - Tony Soprano
VP - Silvio

So when do we get our T-shirts, bumper stickers and buttons for the Motherfucker Party?

Jackson/Freeman in '08!

Jon Stewart. Without reading through this list, Jon Stewart.

or indeed, Bale, as was suggested/demanded, shirtless, oiled up and scruffy.

Tim Minchin as some....something in the UK or Australia(his native country)

Man,just....lots of people smarter and more fun to look at than too many politicians

Weird Al Yankovic will lead this great nation of ours into a polka utopia. He's a vegetarian, which goes over great with the left-wing hippies, and he did "Trigger Happy" to appease the right-wing gun nuts.

And how about all those rap songs for the all-important young black male vote? A candidate who's White and Nerdy is just what this country needs for a brighter tomorrow.

The dream ticket is Alan Rickman & Bruce Willis, motherfuckers.

Yippie-kai-ya!