July 16, 2007 | Comments ()

By Seth Freilich | Comment Diversions | July 16, 2007 |


Pop quiz hotshot! Hollywood’s been hit by a nuclear bomb. The President and Vice-President of Hollywood are dead. So is the Speaker of the Box Office. And so on and so on, down the chain of succession. Turns out that you are the highest ranking Hollywood official, and you’ve just been sworn in as the new Hollywood President. Congrats!

But just as you’re sitting down in your plush recliner to do your first line of precious Colombian blow, your assistant comes running in. Turns out they recovered a survivor who outranks you — Harvey Weinstein’s assistant, that bitch, managed to hide under his blubber and avoid nuclear annihilation! She’s going to be sworn into office in five minutes, thereby nullifying your power and authority. However, your assistant tells you that you’ve got just enough time to dictate five edicts — your assistant can then type them up and have them ready for your signature while you still have the authority to issue them.

So what five things do you change about the film and TV industry?

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The immediate execution of Michael Bay and Paul Haggis need not be included

An Afternoon Comment Diversion / Seth Freilich

Comment Diversions | July 16, 2007 | Comments ()




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