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GRRR RRRRRRRRR RRREAT!

By Tater Barley Banks | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (56)

adaptivewaterski.jpg

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”

— Frank Sinatra

It’s a good thing I drink, because the morning is usually when I feel the worst I’m going to feel all day. Things improve once I get out of bed (fortunately, I’m not at all prone to hangovers), and they’re definitely better now that the coffee is going down and the backache is gone, and I still have that first beer to look forward to.

It’s probably a function of my age (early — just barely — 50s) and the age of our mattress (around 28). We really need a new one, but who has that kind of money? (Really, I’m asking you who does, cause maybe he/she can give us some. Is there a mattress charity that will hand them out to the sleep-deprived?)

So I have a hard time remembering the last time I felt just great. Really great. Unmedicated great. But it almost certainly involved copious amounts of both beer and the Drive-By Truckers, who are the cure for everything but only come around these parts maybe twice a year (and are due in a couple weeks, so I least I know when I’ll feel great again).

What about you? When’s the last time you felt great, terrific, just wonderful with yourself, your life, your job, your family, or just that drink in front of you?

TATER BARLEY BANKS is not to be trusted. He probably makes up everything he writes about himself, especially the stuff about living in West Virginia. Don’t be fooled. In truth, he lives in Pajibaland, where he speaks gibberish as , (TCFKAB), spends his time sitting on a park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent, and is developing a 25-letter alphabet, now that his key doesn’t work. He has no blog, no FaceBook page and no MySpace page, so don’t try to find him.

To suggest a diversion idea or leave Tater a fan letter, you can reach him by email.









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Comments

Last Saturday at the Great Lakes Brew Fest, Racine WI. Over 100 microbreweries with me and my friends sampling their wares. Perfect weather, with the festival outside right on Lake Michigan. I think the perfect moment came about 3 hours into the festival, at 4:50 PM, tasting Founders Nemesis.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at September 25, 2010 4:49 PM

The last time I felt really great, I don't remember. My life is now a blur of methotrexate, plaquenil and endocet. I hope I feel better soon. C'mon methotrexate, I'm counting on you.

Posted by: Jadine at September 25, 2010 4:51 PM

I dreamed I felt great. But it may be that I felt great when I woke up 'cause I had an AWESOME dream. Then, reality crashed down around me and I felt all stabby again.

Posted by: DeckOfficer!! at September 25, 2010 4:56 PM

I'm a librarian and about 10 minutes ago a 9 year old girl came up to ask if I had any books on how to build robots while her 13 year old sister patiently waited, holding a stack of books on Japanese history. Always nice to see that some of our kids are still clever and curious.

Posted by: Alice at September 25, 2010 5:10 PM

First week of August. Sitting on the beach in Maui. No work, no worries, no stress and a beautiful beach. I was relaxed and happier than I'd been in probably years. Best week of my life so far I think. I wanna go back RIGHT NOW!

Posted by: trixie at September 25, 2010 5:16 PM

Well, 2 weeks ago I was in Napa. Drinking a 2003 Napa Valley Silver Oak 10am. It was 90 degrees. Not a cloud in the sky. That was pretty fantastic.

Posted by: Scully at September 25, 2010 5:17 PM

*at* 10am. Sheesh. Maybe I need to sober up.

Posted by: Scully at September 25, 2010 5:19 PM

Last April. Went to Jamaica. Enough said.

Posted by: Paul at September 25, 2010 5:35 PM

The four weeks I spent in India last summer. I saw the Taj Mahal, hiked the Himalaya, saw two massive glaciers, met some amazing people, ate some exotic food, smoked a ton of Indian hashish, found that travel really is an aphrodisiac, bartered with some locals and pretty much just had the time of my life.

Posted by: schrome at September 25, 2010 5:41 PM

A couple of weeks ago on the Adriatic coast: sitting at a beach bar, drinking fine beer while the sun slowly dives into the sea, fine dj-s playing some reggae and house, looking forward to a great party about to go down couple of hours later at a beach club, thinking: "Drink it in Marija, this is as good as it gets...This has to last you till next summer"

Posted by: astounded at September 25, 2010 5:51 PM

Last weekend I went on a road trip to a little mountain town with some of my best friends: some people I've known for years, some for only a few months yet we've become good friends very quickly. Hungover and tired, we trekked to a local park on the most beautiful day. We made bloodies, napped on comfy blankets, joked, and had an impromptu singalong with an acoustic guitar. It was perfect and I felt great.

Posted by: electricdaisy at September 25, 2010 5:52 PM

I took a long, beautiful bike ride a couple of hours ago. it's gorgeous outside, the sun is setting on my back yard , my wife is with me, the dogs are running around like fools, I've got chili cooking, I'm about to grill some chicken wings, and I'm on my third beer.

So, yeah, I'm gonna go with "right fucking now."

Posted by: TK at September 25, 2010 6:31 PM

A few months ago I made a girl cum through her pants and she called me a sex ninja. That's about as good as life has gotten so far.

Posted by: Lucas at September 25, 2010 6:53 PM

I'm rarely Multiple R's Great unless I'm above 10,000 feet. So about 6 weeks ago? Life has been pretty Single R Great in general, though, so no complaints. Just need to find a time to get back into the mountains (hello, winter break)!

Hey Lucas! Let's hang out sometime.

Posted by: esme at September 25, 2010 7:19 PM

About 2 hours ago I nearly choked to death. Not dying feels AWESOME!!

Posted by: king at September 25, 2010 7:25 PM

A couple of months ago I met a new friend. Not a hook up. Not an advantageous friend. Just a purely open-the-world-up-to-a-new-totally-awesome-perspective friendly friend. A fellow jaunticed eyed peer who celebrates life and living. We talk everyday by virtue of the emails.

Since then I have felt achy, I have had stiff joints, some bouts of diarrhea, if we're going to be entirely truthful, and I think one of the fillings in my teeth is getting loose. But what the hell. I have felt good ever since.

Posted by: Patricia at September 25, 2010 7:28 PM

I was married in June and I love my wife very much. I have a great job which is shaping up to be a great career. I have amazing friends, and a patient family. I have a movie collection 1500 strong. I've got a comic book collection which is entirely respectable. My 80gb Ipod is almost full (eggradio.com has topped it off with a bunch of bands I've never heard of -- strongly recommend). My liquor cabinet is full after a house-warming party. Wizards of the Coast is even releasing a bunch of new poison creatures in their new Magic the Gathering set, which means my oldest deck is about to get a shot of awesomeness.

I'd have to say that the happiest I've ever been is right now. As in today. I even squeezed in some yard work between episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

In fact, I'm going to go take a monster crap just to prove a point to myself.

Posted by: superasente at September 25, 2010 7:40 PM

I'm 29
last time I fit those conditions - particularly the unmedicated part - was 8 years old
I would very much like a long chat about my brain chemistry with some responsible party

oh well
anyone want to send me some morphine?

Posted by: PyD at September 25, 2010 7:40 PM

Actually, today was pretty damn fantastic. Woke up hungover on IPA beer but that went away after an omelet for breakfast. Then we were off to a nearby state park for a day of hiking, a demonstration of the Native American method of cooking with hot stones (followed by eating the food), swinging at a deserted playground, wandering through a restored farmhouse from the 1920's, and petting horses and baby cows, and more hiking. Then pizza restaurant for dinner and some book shopping. Now, off to watch Hoarders and Sharktopus is later tonight! This day pretty much rocked.

Posted by: TylerDFC at September 25, 2010 7:40 PM

Labor day weekend, Lake Michigan lakehouse in Michigan City (border of Indiana and Michigan). I was reading some Grisham short stories in a hammock around 10 a.m. Took a nap for about 3 hours. Heaven on earth.

Posted by: alex at September 25, 2010 7:52 PM

September 1 when I won the Black Weblog Award for Blog to Watch. (I know, /eyeroll, it totally sounds like I'm click-trolling, but Feist already links to me on occasion, so I can totally use this story. Plus it's true. And don't click on my name. I don't care! (ok, I do. but that's not the point.)

After forcing people practically at gunpoint to vote for me, when voting closed at midnight, I just sat on the couch watching time pass. I'm usually up until 4 am anyway, but I really thought I'd just sit there until 9 am. The BWAs were announcing results at noon EST, which is 9 am ME-ST. Finally around 5, I fell asleep. Woke up at 9:15 with a jolt and with a sinking feeling. I grabbed my ipad and looked at the list with a sinking heart as I saw I didn't win the first two categories; but then next to the last category was the name of my blog. Huzzah! I called my mom (who had given me the "it's really cool that you're doing something you like and you've only been at it for 8 months" pre-loser's speech the night before) and as soon as she said "Hello," I said "Mom. I fucking won." She laughed and said, "You did." No question mark in her voice. Like she knew I would.

There's a lot of backstory which involves me being as depressed as I've ever been in my entire life when I decided to start the blog and me bawling to my mom nearly every day because I felt so awful, and asking her to promise to take care of my dog and all kinds of other Judy Blum emo shit, and her feeling awful because I felt so awful, so just hearing her laugh meant a lot to me.

I had a shit eating grin on my face the whole day.

And then I accidentally slept with a guy I said I was never sleeping with again because he's an asshat. But hell, he caught me off guard. And drunk.

Posted by: stopthemadness at September 25, 2010 8:29 PM

Ten weeks ago, I was 90' underwater in Cozumel with grouper and turtles and eels and rays and lionfish and barracude and one shy nurse shark, oh my. I'd forgotten my boss's name, my grumpy thoughts about aging, my unsatisfactory career and all the financial worries that told me a dive vacation was a stupid, bad, horrible, wasteful, selfish idea. Everything was blue, except the stuff that was green or red or yellow or orange or black and spiny, everything was sun, everything was cool.

Posted by: Salieri2 at September 25, 2010 8:48 PM

Ok, but you're all gonna roll your eyes and think I'm cheesy, but...

My wedding day. This past May. It was just perfect. No big freakouts, no late officiant/photographer/dj, food was great, had fun with our friends and family, and married my love. I woke up feeling happy & excited and maintained that happiness all day.

Now, the honeymoon, well, that's another story. But for that one day, I was so happy it was unreal.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 25, 2010 8:51 PM

"barracuda." What would Heart say?

Posted by: Salieri2 at September 25, 2010 8:51 PM

August 8th. Married the ITGeek.
Just... the whole day. It shouldn't be possible for an entire day to be wonderful, especially with all the crazy shit that goes with a wedding, but somehow, that's what I got.

Posted by: ScienceGeek at September 25, 2010 8:52 PM

Well, let's see:

--there's nothing like a really good extra long workout (either at the gym or in the yard, doing yardwork) followed by a shower and then a cold beer. I mean, seriously, that feeling? Nothing in a pill can capture it. Ok maybe Vicodin can, but just think: I can actually recreate the feeling of Vicodin by working out, showering, then getting horizontal with a beer. Aaaaaah.

--In July 2004, I stood at a spot in the Dixie National Forest in Utah. Now it's true I tend to feel a bit negative about Utah for its politics and religion and general lack of non-white people, but damn if this wasn't one of the most beautiful spots I had ever stood. I'm a HUGE fan of forests, like I've never understood how film makers and story tellers can see them as ominous or evil, to me they are pure bliss. And this was THE most beautiful forest I had ever laid eyes on. I swear the air even smelled good. The sky was robin's egg blue. And at one pull off, there was a ledge I was standing on that looked out deep into a gorgeous valley that ran north south next to the forest's western edge. I was in heaven, I was sure of it. When I'm old and lying all cracked out in a nursing home, I'll remember that forest.

--then there are just the good days and good things, too numerous to list, thank goodness. I have a few friends who are so wonderful and dear to me that just sitting with them shooting the shit is the best thing EVER. I have a husband who literally cannot fall fully asleep until his fingers or his foot, some part of him, is touching my arm or my leg, and that's been true for 20 years. And it's true I have a 15 year old who drives me crazy some days and doesn't drive me AS crazy other days, as is her job, but we were lucky to even have a child, and someday, we're gonna enjoy each other's company again. I'm sure of it.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at September 25, 2010 9:25 PM

When’s the last time you felt great, terrific, just wonderful with yourself

*system error/unknown parameter "felt great" encountered*
*program shutdown*

Posted by: Uriah Creep at September 25, 2010 9:36 PM

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Jut kidding. I have no children of my own, but when my niece, who I'm very close to, got married this summer to a great guy she's been seeing for several years, they just looked so happy and good together. I felt like a proud daddy.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at September 25, 2010 9:37 PM

Also, beating prostate cancer a few years ago without ending up incontinent and/or F.F. (forever flaccid) was pretty fucking greattttt.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at September 25, 2010 9:42 PM

The closest to being purely happy is when my girlfriend and I go driving along back roads in the dead of night. We get lost on purpose, find our way back, talk about everything, sing stupid songs, and giggle for 3 hours. We point at deer. I do my stupid improv monologue of "sexual education teacher at Pensacola Christian College" and say things like "homo-seck-shulls make Jesus vomit" and "the cli-TOR-is is the devil's teat." She laughs until she has to pull over.
It is the best fun we have and except for the price of gas, it's free.

Posted by: MyySharona at September 25, 2010 10:00 PM

Quit morphine about a year ago. I skipped work and on a whim drove to a lake and floated on my back in the 90 degree weather. First time I felt absolutely free in a looong time.

Free.

...Seems like plenty of addicts/recovering addicts on this site. Should we start a support group?

Posted by: Vince Noir at September 25, 2010 10:01 PM

I should mention that the lake trip was about 3 weeks after quitting, and EVERYTHING feels beautiful after the whole shitting-battery-acid, bones-on-fire, sweating-through-the sheets, despair-despair-despair that is withdrawal.

Posted by: Vince Noir at September 25, 2010 10:03 PM

About 3 weeks ago, my husband was out of town - which usually makes me blue - but I decided to be decadent and took both my daughters (14 an 7) out for dinner and then for pedicures just for the hell of it. On the drive home, my ipod shuffled to "Bohemian Rhapsody" and we cranked it up and sang along at the top of our lungs with the windows rolled down. It. Was. Awesome. There's nothing like sharing a silly but fabulous moment like that with your children, and having them be completely present in that moment with you.

Posted by: Edith at September 25, 2010 11:16 PM

I took my 2-year old nephew to Santa's Village in Muskoka this summer. He loved the whole thing. At lunch, over a plate of french fries, he told me he loved me and I was the greatest aunt ever. That was pretty sweet. Found out later that day it was the first time he'd ever had deep fried french fries (instead of baked) and the first time he'd tried ketchup.

Eh, I'll take it.

Posted by: malechai at September 25, 2010 11:24 PM

Last weekend The Hubs and I took my newly-re-acquired car (we didn't need one when we lived in Brooklyn but now we live in the 'Burbs), drove upstate on my one day off (on a clear, gorgeous 70 degree day), took a tour of an apple orchard at 9 AM with a delightfully crotchety and well-informed apple farmer, picked 25 lbs of heirloom apples (that are so delicious they make me sad for store-bought apples), lied around on our backs on the grass and took a nap under a tree, played fetch with the orchard's dog, ate a delicious lunch with the orchard's special home-brewed hard cider, listened to live fingerstyle guitar, and then drove home in the afternoon so I could bake a crisp and have some *alone time* with The Hubs.

Best. date. ever. Being that I am in grad school and he's a freelance theater designer, savoring days like that is the only way to survive.

Posted by: Tammy at September 25, 2010 11:32 PM

I pretty much feel great every day. I know that has the potential to sound saccharin but I truly do. I love riding my bike and get to ride it daily to a job a truly enjoy. Much like Tater up there, the Drive By Truckers are pretty much on repeat on my ipod and the cold beer is never far away. I have two wonderful dogs and a kick ass kitty. My 5 year plan is coming together swimmingly and (unlike the past several years) I actually look forward to waking up every morning.

I cant complain one bit.

Posted by: Lennon at September 26, 2010 12:01 AM

I just woke up with a bangin' hangover and I can't remember. I literally cannot remember.

But as soon as I re-establish my hand firmly down the front of my pants, well, I'll be feeling good in no time.

Posted by: Pork Bowl at September 26, 2010 12:24 AM

Are the drive by truckers a group of can-do truckers that stop by your local truck stop and take you up the arse in the men's room? Why do they only stop by twice a year?

Posted by: Pork Bowl at September 26, 2010 12:28 AM

Really. ...this "Truckers" thing has gone too far. If your audience doesn't get the reference, it's time for a new reference.

Unless...oh god...maybe I'm NOT the audience for this site?! Oh god oh god...Years of my life gone to a mistress who doesn't get (or care about) my "Buffy" references. Or my "Strangers with Candy" references. Mistress is about to be Miss-out-on the curb. Oh my lord.

Posted by: Vince Noir at September 26, 2010 12:44 AM

Beginning one year ago this weekend, this year has been a continuous succession of awakenings and amazing moments, each one better than the last. After years of the long dark tea time of the soul, it just keeps getting better and better. I spent years being terrified of the future, and change. Now, I have turned my no's into YES'S, and I can't WAIT to see what happens next.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at September 26, 2010 2:06 AM

Right now.

I am working currently as a tour leader in Italy, after losing my job a few months ago in the corporate world.

I'm in Florence looking out the window of my hotel to a beautiful sunny morning with church bells ringing out in the background.

I'm dining on great food, drinking great wine, sleeping in excellent hotels with great mattresses, (I'd steal one for you if I could, Mr Banks) sharing my love of art and architecture with people and getting paid for it.

Life is sofa king great right now.

Posted by: krix at September 26, 2010 2:14 AM

Happy Anny, Lindsey!

As usual I'm hip-deep in in the stinky stupids, but I'm still smiling somehow.

You guys are a big part of it - I can't tell you how bad I bleed for the people who can't reach their people...the ones who get them. It sucked being one of them for most of my life, let me tell you.

I've also been mighty low, Miss Celie, an overly dramatic decade ago, but lucked through it with support, and I think there's some of that support too, right now, helping.

The last great specific moment of 'wa' was more of a 'wa-hoo' - a real surprise, and not something I could have expected. But it was a shock to the system and my whole thing just went Keanu/Whoah about it. I know I'm being obscure, but that's okay.

So there you have it - I need some random Zang! in life in order to stay pleased.

Posted by: replica at September 26, 2010 5:05 AM

Right now...each and every 'right now' I am preternaturally happy. Life is good, folks.

Posted by: brite at September 26, 2010 6:51 AM

so you know, when justin beiber met his unfortunate end when his hair got caught in that industrial printer....?

Ach bollocks. Tomorrow is another day!

Posted by: general rhubarb at September 26, 2010 7:40 AM

just now, looking at my five year old(still sleeping) scooby doo pajama-clad boy. He is magic.

Posted by: banana at September 26, 2010 8:00 AM

I tell my students to look for the small moments, and you guys are doing a great job of finding them. I may steal a few of them to show the kids that life isn't about going to Disney World or shopping at the mall, but walking through forests and putting in a hard day's work to relax. For me, it was yesterday, when I replaced the sewer ejector pump for the basement effluent. (yeah, EFFLUENT) It was a crappy job...*groan* but it felt great afterward because I'm NOT Mr. Fix-IT.

Posted by: TK the Other (delurking) at September 26, 2010 8:38 AM

I mostly love my life, but that is nothing new, because I've been with a wonderful man for 17+ years.

"A wonderful man," bleh. All the words you try to put together to describe happiness just come off sounding so dull & boring, don't they? Contentment is not exciting to hear about.

The past couple years have been kind of rocky. We relo'ed to a new city--it was a good move, I like this place a lot; but that was a lot of upheaval, plus I wound up losing my wonderful job (which I was PROMISED I would get to keep doing in my new location, BTW. Fuck those lying assholes) and I wound up being unemployed for about two years, minus some temp stuff and a couple of truly horrible gigs. But the wonderful man was there through it all, so it never got unbearable.

But NOW I have a fantastic job which I love even more than my old job (which I believed could never happen). And the man is still wonderful. He's baking bread right now. I'm going to fuck him when the bread is done.

Posted by: Jerce at September 26, 2010 12:32 PM

September 30, 2007.

Posted by: ZombieNurse at September 26, 2010 3:00 PM

27 Nov 2006...After six years of pure misery, I was finally free of my contract. I was ready for pussy to rain from the skies, jobs to be available left and right, and the nightmares would go away.

Yeah.....not so much....

Posted by: Diablo at September 26, 2010 5:14 PM

yeah, this thread made me feel a little melancholic, and a little jealous.

if i leave out moments of jubilation that involve either booze or my crazy violent job, my last time of feeling great was probably two or three years ago, and is too far from my current sense of reality to really capture in any visceral way in my memories.

I get through my days by studiously accepting that feeling great(which going by the comment thread, seems to involve feeling happy and/or warm, in touch, whole, spiritual and or loved/loving; fair enough) is a passing phase in life, and tell myself "suck it up, buttercup. There's plenty of stuff needs doing, so let's leave off the morose mopies and get the hell on with things".

at least the opposite of feeling great doesnt seem to be feeling shitty, but more feeling uninvolved, which might be more pathetic but is less painful.

Posted by: idleprimate at September 26, 2010 5:19 PM

Last night,sitting on my bed, seeing the awe in my 10 year old's eyes when she and her 12 year old sister realized that I actually could play Taylor Swift's "Mine" on the guitar AND sing it in reasonably pleasant fashion. The kicker was having her daddy, the best thing that was ever mine, walk in and watch it all unfolding with an utterly contented smile.

Posted by: Heather Mooney at September 26, 2010 9:01 PM

Dead tired, lookin' like shit, dying for the day to end, and watching my three-year-old daughter and one-year-old son raise hell in the bathtub together, all the while realizing they will have a relationship entirely separate from theirs with me and my husband. Kind of sublime, disturbing, and glorious all at once.

Posted by: samantha t at September 27, 2010 11:28 AM

This morning. I dreamt I was at a party, and I was chatting to Leonardo diCaprio and leaning on him, and he was pulling my hair and I bit his leg to make him stop, and he said "Did you just bite my leg?", and we both collapsed into hysterical guffawing.

So I woke myself up crying with laughter. It was a pretty good way to start the day.

Disclaimer: No drugs, legal or otherwise were used in the making of this dream.

Posted by: embertine at September 27, 2010 11:50 AM

June 2009. Things weren't perfect, but at the same time I was really happy. I was with a guy I really dug, my job wasn't great but it was filling the need, I had a lively social circle and artisic outlets, I was dropping weight like crazy and meeting all my gym goals, things were just really good. Then in July it all came crashing down and I've had a really hard time getting my groove back. It's tough, I know a big chunk of it is how I'm percieving things that are more or less out of my control, but the mind over matter thing is sometimes a lot harder than one would think.

I'm trying to see the little things, figure out how to spin this around, things don't completely suck, but it's just very... short of the desired if that makes sense. Basically nothing's quitelining up right and it's very frustrating.

But that is not the answer to the question. The answer to the question is June 2009.

Posted by: lumenatrix at September 27, 2010 2:59 PM

The last time that I felt truly over-the-top great, was about 2 months ago when I found out that my husband and I were pregnant. We had been told 2 years ago in no uncertain terms that we would not be able to conceive. So, suck on that medical experts. Yay!

Posted by: androstarr at September 27, 2010 3:02 PM

Congrats, Androstarr! What a blessing.

Posted by: samantha t at September 28, 2010 2:25 PM