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Goin' to a Party Where No One's Still Alive: Mrs. Julien Cordially Invites You...

By Cindy Davis | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (56)

dinnerparty.jpg

Today’s comment diversion comes to you courtesy of the lovely Mrs. Julien, who apparently would like to dine with a bunch of dead people. This being Pajiba, dead people and zombie fascinations are not only tolerated, they’re encouraged. (I’m not sure how hungry we’d be, sitting around the table with a group of semi-fleshed beings, but what the hell?) We’ll indulge our hostess by tweaking the classic Dinner Party rules a bit.

Since it was her idea, I figure we’re all headed to the great hall of Mrs. Julien’s gigantic home. It must be gigantic—after all—she invited us. I’m certain there will be fancy cocktails by the gallon and a feast the likes of which Tyrion Lannister, himself, would order. From what I read on the invitation, we each get +5, deceased guests only.

Here’s Mrs. Julien’s list:

Jim Henson
Oscar Wilde
Elizabeth I
my maternal grandfather ( I never met him)
my paternal grandmother (I never met her)

While I admire your choices, Mrs. J., I’m going to liven up this shindig with at least a couple of hot guests. Hope you don’t mind. My +5 are: Michael Hutchence, Heath Ledger, Salvador Dalí, Edgar Allen Poe and Dominick Dunne (he would fill the night with great stories and gossip).

Let’s go, Pajibans; RSVP below with your invitees and please remember to bring our kind hostess hostess a gift.










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Comments

Shakespeare, Cleopatra, Lincoln, Austen and Elizabeth I. Hmmm. I really also want to invite Caeser, Keats, Poe and Carlin. For funsies.

Posted by: Jami at July 17, 2011 3:08 PM

Richard Feynman
Stephen Jay Gould
Adolf Hitler (I have some pointed questions)
Leonardo DaVinci
My Father (never met him)

Posted by: TheOtherGreg at July 17, 2011 3:15 PM

George Carlin, Lenny Bruce, Hunter Thompson, Richard Pryor, and Bill Hicks.

Posted by: APOCooter at July 17, 2011 3:15 PM

JFK
Mark Twain
John Ritter
Marilyn Monroe
VC Andrews

Posted by: TWoPFan at July 17, 2011 3:16 PM

Nikola Tesla, Thomas Jefferson, JFK, Jack Kerouac, Calamity Jane.
For a gift? Extra magazines for her weapon of choice. Because, after all, they're zombies. And can't be trusted.

Posted by: dorquemada at July 17, 2011 3:24 PM

Just Bukowski, so I can watch and clap while his drunken corpse pushes Shakespeare around.

Posted by: Georgie at July 17, 2011 3:31 PM

David Herlihy (historian)
Erasmus (I'm assuming we have a babel-fish translation device. Latin is not my strong suit.)
John Muir
Emma Goldman
Niccolo Machiavelli

That ought to stir things up.

I bring for our hostess a fine selection of wines, both ancient and new.

Posted by: Reba at July 17, 2011 3:37 PM

William Powell
Emily Dickinson (just to see how she interacts with people)
John Lennon
Judas Iscariot
Audrey Hepburn (she would just make the dinner party so classy)

Posted by: kelsy at July 17, 2011 3:47 PM

Oscar Wilde
Samuel Clemons
Winston Churchill
Dorothy Parker
Oliver Reed

Posted by: snapnhiss at July 17, 2011 4:06 PM

1. F. Scott Fitzgerald
2. Katherine Hepburn
3. Teddy Roosevelt
4. Leonard da Vinci
5. Cary Grant

Posted by: ami at July 17, 2011 4:12 PM

Oscar Wilde, William Shakespeare, Martin Luther King Jr., Charlotte Bronte & Julius Caesar. The conversation would run all night. As such, I'd bring a selection of gourmet coffees & an espresso maker as a hostess gift. Wouldn't wanna risk dozing off at a crucial moment!

Posted by: Tae at July 17, 2011 4:28 PM

1. Pablo Casals
2. Cary Grant
3. Elizabeth Taylor
4. E. F. Benson
5. My dog Henry ( because I miss him so terribly)

Posted by: Pamelia Bedelia at July 17, 2011 4:31 PM

1. My dad (I know the exercise is sorta aimed at fun/famous people, but if I can bring ANYONE back...)

2. Jack Kerouac

3. Paul Newman

4. Katharine Hepburn (I imagine she's a lot of fun.)

5. My dad's dad (he died when I was 2 and I don't know much about him, and if my dad's there, then I imagine he would like to see his own dad.)

I feel all right using two slots for family members because the rest of you have picked such great guests.

Posted by: Sara H at July 17, 2011 4:43 PM

I don't ever like doing these. I'm not one of those people who wants to meet people they admire. Just because they can be completely different and dream shattering blah, blah, blah.

But maybe Jesus...if he's real. Just to see if he's real, ya know?

Posted by: Candee at July 17, 2011 5:03 PM

1) Dorothy Parker
2) Winston Churchill
3) Flannery O'Connor
4) John Steinbeck
5) Oscar Wilde

Posted by: Dorothy Snarker at July 17, 2011 5:45 PM

Oooh Emily Dickinson. Nice one! I'll make sure nothing is served that might stain her white clothes.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 17, 2011 6:30 PM

Ambrose Bierce

Mark Twain

Kurt Vonnegut

Layne Staley

Kurt Cobain

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at July 17, 2011 6:32 PM

My Mother
My Brother Ely
Phil Hartman
Gary Shider
Jimi Hendrix

Posted by: John W at July 17, 2011 7:07 PM

Isaac Asimov

Chris Farley

Benny Hill

Che Guevara

Bill Hicks

Posted by: Big Softie at July 17, 2011 7:13 PM

Frank Zappa,

Golda Meir,

Kevin(*)

Glo(**)

_______ (Because I never met her in person.)

Now, I'm all a-sniffle, dammit. That was a rough year.

* Kevin was a great to be around. Happy in every moment he had. I knew he was wrestling with something chronic. I didn't learn until his obituary that he spent a great deal of his time taking care of his learning-disabled brother, including the whole way through his own terminal cancer. Kevin didn't make 30 years old. (Fucking cancer.)

** Founder / proprietor of "Glo's" in Seattle, a small diner with great food. She had a rotating crew of strays and wing-down folks, giving them a first, delayed step up the ladder of life. The place was clearly a second or third career for her, and she was there, working every day.

She was great to talk to, a solid, shiny soul.

Whatever the arrangements, the old crew carried on after she died of cancer. Worked when she could right through the course of treatment. (Fucking cancer.)

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at July 17, 2011 7:46 PM

Cleopatra
Mark Twain
Oscar Wilde
Tartuffe
Shakespeare

Posted by: Mrcreosote at July 17, 2011 8:01 PM

Rembrandt van Rijn
Vincent van Gogh
J.R.R Tolkien
Nikola Tesla
My grandfather (he died last month)

I would say Bill Hicks, but he seems like he'd be a downer in person, much as I admire him as a performer

Posted by: Protoguy at July 17, 2011 8:11 PM

1. Franklin Delano Roosevelt
2. Mae West
3. Carl Sagan
4. Queen Victoria
5. Marie Curie

As a hostess gift I would bring a box of Hostess Cupcakes :)

Posted by: androstarr at July 17, 2011 8:50 PM

Truman Capote
Gabriella Munter (Blaue Reiter painter)
My grandmother
Dorothy Parker
Max Weber

Posted by: hindulovegod at July 17, 2011 9:00 PM

Oscar Wilde
George Bernard Shaw
Dorothy Parker
Thomas Jefferson
My father

Posted by: Edith at July 17, 2011 9:03 PM

Sara H,

The sweetest of lists.

Posted by: Rialto at July 17, 2011 9:06 PM

George Washington
Robert A. Heinlein
Thomas Edison
Madame Curie
My College Roomie

Does Mz J like JD? I could bring a barrel

Posted by: karen at July 17, 2011 9:08 PM

1. Alfred Hitchcock
2. Ernie Kovacs
3. Sergio Leone
4. Buster Keaton
5. Akira Kurosawa

Posted by: bleujayone at July 17, 2011 9:21 PM

Princess Diana

John Steinbeck

E.M. Forster

Just a regular Union soldier who died in the Civil War, not famous but very interesting

May I please fit all four of my grandparents in this slot? I miss them so.

Posted by: Snuggiepants at July 17, 2011 9:22 PM


ricardo montalban
michael gough
abraham lincoln
alexander mcqueen


tie: george carlin/teena marie

Posted by: gp at July 17, 2011 9:32 PM

I met Ricardo Montalban when I worked for Univision. He was awesome. Very friendly.

Posted by: Protoguy at July 17, 2011 9:49 PM

Marc Antony
Anaïs Nin
Otis Redding
Madame de Pompadour
Isaac Asimov

wild card: Papa Hemingway. We could all go fishing.

Posted by: Phibbsy at July 17, 2011 9:56 PM

I don't drink Karen but a little lubrication is always good for a party. No one is bringing Dylan Thomas are they?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 17, 2011 9:57 PM

Vincent Price
Julia Child
Edward Gorey
Yul Brynner
Warren Zevon

That would make for quite a party! The hostess gift would have to be some home made brownies!

Posted by: Mrs. P at July 17, 2011 9:59 PM

W.H. Auden
Oscar Wilde
Alan Turing
Douglas Adams
P.G. Wodehouse

I believe lots of wine would be in order. I'd just keep my mouth shut and listen to the brilliance.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at July 17, 2011 10:01 PM

vlad dracula,his author bram stoker,captain moroni from the book of mormon, my great granfather i read his journals, and sun tzu

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 17, 2011 10:02 PM

It took long enough for someone to want to drink and duke it out with Hemi

WHOA! Warren Fucking Zevon, YES! MRS. P FTW!

But remember, he's finally getting some sleep, so it would be kinda mean to wake him up.

Wow, five dead people, lessee ...

1. Some fucker already picked off Judas Iscariot, so I'm left with that chickenshit Zombie Peter, thrice denier and bitter weeper and first pope and all that. Or maybe Mary Magdalene, can't make up my mind.

2. Zombie Robert E. Lee, to talk about Gettysburg. 2a. Zombie Shelby Foote, to do the interview.

3. Zombie Rasputin, to see what it was he had, and because every party needs one stone crazy bastard and Charlie Manson is still alive.

4. Zombie George S. Patton, tough son of a bitch (and to hear him talk strategy with Lee).

5. Zombie Wilt Chamberlain, because after dinner, we're going poon hunting to see if the legends are true.

Bonus pick: Zombie Alabama Pink.

Posted by: , at July 17, 2011 10:40 PM

Oh, how rude of me. For Mrs. Julien, a double-barrel shotgun for double taps, in case any of my guests get a little TOO hungry.

Posted by: , at July 17, 2011 10:42 PM

@ bucdaddy: *sob*

Posted by: Cindy at July 17, 2011 10:48 PM

James Madison
Alexander Hamilton
(Dimebag) Darrell Abbott
George Carlin
Jackie Robinson

Posted by: Dave at July 18, 2011 12:06 AM

De-lurking for this one.

HP Lovecraft
Ambrose Bierce
Douglas Adams
Kurt Vonnegut
Vincent Price

Posted by: zombaby at July 18, 2011 2:23 AM

Mary, mother of Jesus, if either of them were real. I'd like her to set some things straight.

Roddy McDowell. Everyone said he was a great guy.

Buddha, for some of the same reasons as Mary.

My maternal grandmother, I miss her. My paternal grandmother, I never got to know her.

Posted by: Viking at July 18, 2011 7:46 AM

Interesting so many of you picked writers who were famous for being introverts - watcher types who would love to be at your dinner party, say nothing for the whole evening, and then return home to write furiously about all the things they witnessed.

Frankly, they don't make good guests en masse. There should be a rule that you only get one introverted writer-type.

Kudos to those who picked Churchill, he's famous for throwing the best most erudite dinner parties of all time. BUT, he is also infamous for making sure the dinner parties centered around him. So that's a bit of a balancing act with your other guests. Tesla was evidently pretty cranky, and not very personable, not sure how great a choice he'd be, but Richard Fyneman is a great choice, and would do well with Churchill, since his tastes were also famously eclectic.

Lincoln would be a good choice, as he had a great sense of humor, and obviously had the gift of gab.

Very few people picked classical composers or musicians. Hard to not pick Mozart, given that he may have been the smartest human ever born.

And then DaVinci, kind of invented the term renaissance man.

Speaking of which, Danny Kaye would be a good pick for humor and have him and Mozart work the piano during after dinner cocktails would be a hoot.

I'm going with:
Roald Dahl as my brooding writer
Churchill, because no one did dinner better
Fyneman for math and stuff
Mozart, because he's Mozart
And either DaVinci or Danny Kaye, depending on my mood.

Lincoln replaces Churchill for the after party.

Posted by: Pragmatist at July 18, 2011 8:36 AM

The commenter formerly known as The Commenter Formerly Known as Bucdaddy is always suc a gentleman. Thank you for your thoughtfulness, kind sir.

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at July 18, 2011 8:53 AM

Damn...hard to be original after all the other posts.

My paternal grandfather - Pop died last year, and he was one of the most warm, funny, and generous men that has ever walked the earth.

C.S. Lewis - Because Tolkein is already on the list, and when they were kicking around together back in the day the conversations were EPIC.

Miles Davis and Dean Martin - Raising the cool quotient considerably. And in the case of Miles, ensuring that the word "motherfucker" is used at least three times per minute.

And as to my arm candy for the evening, Elizabeth Taylor - Her picture is next to "classy" in the dictionary.

And for our generous hostess, The Apokatana from our friends at zombietools dot net for her extreme good health. (Apparently our comment engine dislikes links...rat bastard).

Posted by: NateS1973 at July 18, 2011 9:39 AM

Lucien Freud
Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
Gregory Peck
Artemisia Gentileschi
Charlotte Perriand

Posted by: Zombie Mrs Smith at July 18, 2011 11:00 AM

1. Douglas Adams
2. Ernest Hemingway
3. Beryl Markham
4-5. Dana & Ginger Lamb

Posted by: MRod at July 18, 2011 11:05 AM

Samuel Clemens
John Wayne
Marilyn Monroe
Ernest Hemmingway
Emily Dickinson

Posted by: DeistBrawler at July 18, 2011 11:51 AM

Truman Capote
Bob Fosse
John Gielgud
Ann Richards
Oscar Wilde

Posted by: gilly at July 18, 2011 2:31 PM

1) Teddy Roosevelt
2) Cary Grant
3) Katharine Hepburn
4) Can I put all my grandparents in as one? I never met them. And my Great-Aunt?
5) Louise Brooks

Posted by: dammitjanet at July 18, 2011 4:10 PM

I'm surprised no one's brought up the Joshua Jackson or Sean Bean death obsesion that is entirely lost on me.

Now judges, I wonder if (hypothetically speaking) it would even be biologically sound to differentiate between Hapsburgs. They were so inbred that science cannot tell me that they were all the same person. Was is cloning, or simply Barba Poppa Syndrome?

Formosus Sez: 'It's a dead man's party, who could ask for more?

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at July 19, 2011 1:37 AM

My Father's Father, TCP, who fell far too early for me to truly get to know him

Admiral Sir John Jervis, 1st Earl of Cape St. Vincent, who must have some fantastic stories to tell

Hypatia, librarienne of Alexandria, Philosopher, Mathematician and victim of unwashed christian fanatics

Yagyu Jubei Mitsuyoshi, because it would be fascinating to learn more about his life, given the few details there ARE about him.

and Rudyard Kipling, because no gathering is complete without a poet, wordsmith and genius.

if I get a sixth, I'd like to add sir John A Macdonald, but only if there's an open bar. I have some questions about Parlia-Bot, you see...

Posted by: Uncommoner at July 19, 2011 2:17 AM

I am keeping in mind that this IS a dinner party, and as such, one must consider the mix of the guests---'tis as important as the food and drink. That being said, as much as I'd like to see my mom and many ancestors, I just don't think they'd get along very well with Oscar Wilde, et al. I'll save them for another fantasy dinner.

The list:
Oscar Wilde
Albert Einstein
Dorothy Parker
Mark Twain
Flannery O'Connor


Posted by: Stinky at July 19, 2011 9:36 AM

Hi,

ich habe Ihre Webseite bei der Suche nach Windeleimern im Internet gefunden. Schauen Sie doch mal auf meiner Seite vorbei, ich habe dort viele Testberichte zu den aktuellen Windeleimern geschrieben.

Posted by: Burton Haynes at July 20, 2011 8:15 AM

In the interests of crazying up the party a little, while not picking anyone already mentioned:

1) Mitch Hedberg
2) Keith Moon/John Bonham (dinner beats!)
3) Macho Man Randy Savage
4) Peter Sellers
5) Francis Crick (the DNA guy)

As a gift, I'd help clean up the house.

Posted by: Bert at July 20, 2011 1:43 PM

awesome post! Thanks for the upload, I really enjoyed reading it! Keep up the good work champ!

Posted by: game fudge at September 11, 2011 11:55 AM