Pajiba

Fuck RyRey, kill Paul Rudd, marry Robert Downey Jr. (even though I'm sure he'd end up breaking my heart. also, sorry Paul! Loved you in Clueless!)

as for the laydeez: fuck K.Bell, kill Christina Hendricks, marry Rachel Weisz (it's the accent.)

I wanna do and marry Paul Rudd. Sorry, but RDJ and "RyRey" as apparently he's called seem too egomaniacal for me to deal with any longer than 5 seconds.

Can't I fuck all three? And then kill all three?

...Don't you judge me. Don't you fuckin' judge me.

Kill Ryan Reynolds (don't hurt me, Dustin! His abs might be hot but he has an oddly shaped head), fuck RDJ (a lot, and frequently, and it would ALLLLWAYYSS be dirty) and marry Rudd. Rudd would be sweet and biting and decent in the sack and wouldn't mind my running to fuck RDJ every other day or so.

Or maybe I would switch Rudd and Reynolds since they would provide equally interesting conversation, but RDJ is most definitely the fuck option, now and forever.

Fuck RyRey
Marry Paul Rudd
Kill RDJ (yeah, sacrilege, I know)

Fuck Hendricks
Marry Weisz
Kill Kristen Bell (die, Veronica Mars! muahahaha!)

SLW, I'm pretty sure we're twins, separated at birth. By about 10 years.

Kill all three, then fuck all three.

Don't you judge me.

Chicas: Fuck Weisz, Kill Hendricks, Marry Bell. Rachel Weisz is gorgeous and we would have one really passionate night. Kristen Bell is adorable and I would want to spend every night with her. And Christina Hendricks, well, I was never really a fan.

Dudes: Fuck Reynolds, Kill Downey, Jr., Marry Rudd. Rudd's my favorite. I recently thought of most of my favorite comedies of all time (or at least the last 10 years), and realized that the one constant was Paul Rudd. (He does both Apatow AND Stella/State stuff!) I'd marry him because I want to honestly do want to hang out with him all the time. Reynolds is the obvious make-believe-gay in-the-sack choice. And Downey, Jr? Not my make-believe-gay type.

SaBrina, you made my eyebrow go up. Just the one.

AVB: I just needed to marinate longer. That's why I'm extra tender.

Paul Rudd - Fuck.
Robert Downey, Jr. - Fuck
Ryan Reynolds - Fuck
Kristen Bell - Kill
Christina Hendricks - Fuck
Rachel Weisz - Marry

I don't really like the idea of marriage, and Rachel seems like the perfect wife. And my choice for Miss Bell, I've nothing against her. I just would probably enjoy killing her.

Fuck RDJ (you better believe it), marry Paul Rudd because he's sweet and funny and hot, kill RyRey. Sorry RyRey, I really do like you, but you're just not as sexy as RDJ and the sarcasm is fun, but it would get old fast and if I married you, I'd probably have to kill you later.

Fuck Rachel Weisz, marry Christina H., kill Kristen Bell. (Sorry Kristen, I really do like you too, but I don't particularly want to fuck you, and I absolutely cannot kill either Rachel or Christina.) Between Rachel and Christina, it's a hard choice, and somewhat academic, as I am a straight girl. I just think Christina is so fucking perfect that I'd want to look at and admire her every day. Rachel is very beautiful, but a little bit dirtier, so I can more readily imagine fucking her.

I'll just be imagining... in my bunk...

It'd literally be Mr. and Mrs. Drew Morton.

Paul Rudd = fuck
Robert Downey, Jr. = marry
Ryan Reynolds = kill
&
Kristen Bell = kill
Christina Hendricks = fuck
Rachel Weisz = marry

mmm... eternal marriage bliss with Rachel Weisz, oh me oh my! My girlfriend will get something special tonight...

Obviously they need to combine their names and both be named Drew Barrymorton.

Do - RDJ
Dump - Ryan Reynolds
Marry - Paul Rudd

EASY.

Kill RDJ (oh who am I kidding, I could never kill that much attractiveness)
Fuck Ryan Reynolds (with pleasure)
Marry Paul Rudd

Kill Rachel Weisz (just cuz I know her the least, nothing personal)
Fuck Kristen Bell (it's personal -- she'd probably be great in bed, but I think I'd get annoyed with her after a while.
Marry Christina Hendricks (love her)

Paul Rudd - Kill. Sorry, Paul, you're too good for me.
Robert Downey, Jr. - Marry. Cause then I can fuck him all the time.
Ryan Reynolds - Fuck. Cause like MM, the sarcasm is cute in doses but if I had to listen to it everyday, I'd have to sew your mouth shut.

&

Kristen Bell - Kill. She just doesn't do it for me.
Christina Hendricks - Can I replace her with Cate Blanchett? Yes? Yay! Marry, then.
Rachel Weisz- Fuck. For no reason in particular.

Paul Rudd - Kill. Sorry dude. Maybe if you did your white guy dance naked for me, I'd change my mind. But probably not.

Robert Downey, Jr. - Fuck. Highly bangable, but doesn't seem entirely dependable to me yet.

Ryan Reynolds - Marry. Then I could fuck him all I wanted and even kill him if the need arises. Of course, the killing would be slow and achieved through nagging and incessant bitching.

Kristen Bell - Marry. I mean, look at her! Total marriage material girl!

Christina Hendricks - Fuck. Being a redhead myself, I know how much fun this would be in the sack. Woo yeah.

Rachel Weisz - Kill. I just...I realized during a movie that she just wasn't attractive from all angles.

Kill Kristen Bell--never watched Veronica Mars and didn't much like her in Forgetting Sarah Marshall; she just comes off as a generic little blonde thing to me.

Fuck Rachel Weisz--cuuuuute little smile and hot accent.

Marry Christina Hendricks--she just seems so interesting. Oh, and not too hard on the eyes!

Now for the menfolk,

Kill Ryan Reynolds--I don't know, he just seems so...alpha male frat boy-ish for some reason. Ick.

Fuck Paul Rudd--and enjoy the hell out of it.

Marry Robert Downey Jr.--mmmm, waking up looking into those eyes every morning of every day? Yes please!

Kill - KB - Something about her i find quite boring.
Fuck - Christina - Those fun bags are only going to be good for a few years. Don't need to be around when they are around her knees.
Marry - Weisz - Half by process of elimination - the other half by the fact she just looks comfortable all the time.

Hey, that's not a haiku!

Ok, what if they're not from the Most Bangables list?

Heidi Montag
Katherine Heigl
Paris Hilton

or

Spencer Pratt
Vince Shlomi (the ShamWow guy)
Chris Brown

As for Optimus's list, I agree with AvB. Ha!

Fuck RDJ, Kill RyRey, Marry Rudd
Fuck Christina Hendricks, Kill Bell, Marry Rachel Weisz

And I'd be no good Admin. I only clean when I'm hungover and I would have no idea how to make poutine.

MBD-

Kill Paris Hilton (non-negotiable)
Fuck Katherine Heigl
Slit wrists

Kill paris
Hate-fuck Heigl (hate fucking is still fucking)
Marry Montag, we'll see if she's a true believer.

Chain all 6 of them to a wall in a cellar in Texas and make them choose who to fuck, marry and kill, then film it and release it on Halloween, then re-release with 5 minutes of extra footage every year for forever.

annoyingmouse - that's horrifically brilliant.

OK, I'm feeling kind of bad about killing Kristen Bell, so I have an alternate scenario.

Fuck Christina Hendricks, gently, so as not to sully her perfection. Attempt to kill Rachel Weisz when she can clearly kick my ass, so that I end up broken and defeated and then she does dirty things to me. Marry Kristen Bell as long as she remains in Veronica Mars character forever. Plus, we can have one of those open marriage dealies and bring Jason Dohring in. Awesome!

Fuck - RyRey
Kill - RDJ (I'm sorry!)
Marry - Paul Rudd (So charming)

Fuck - KBell (Cause why not?)
Kill - Rachel Weisz (I'm so, so sorry!)
Marry - Christina Hendricks (Those curves! Forever!)

I'd fuck Rachel Weisz because while I find her very attractive I'm not sure she would age well and I might get tired of the accent. I'd marry Christina Hendricks because I think she has more potential career wise at this point. Plus she has an amazing body and I could spend my time trying to hook up a threesome with her and any one of the ladies she was on Firefly with. I'd kill Kristin Bell just because she doesn't do anything for me.

Just noticed I could do that in haiku:

Rachel Weisz, marry
Christina Hendricks, fuck her
Kristen Bell must die

Kill: Kristen Bell
Marry: Christina Hendricks
Fuck: Rachel Weisz

Rachel Weisz is hotness. Hendricks is everything I've ever wanted in a woman. Bell is a skinny midget.

Marry Rachel Weisz cos its just meant to be.

Fuck Christina Hendricks for what would be a truly epic and glorious 33 seconds.

Kill Kristen Bell cos if I can't have the embodiment of adorableness, none of you bitches can

Fuck Robert Downey Jr. (Um, yes.)
Marry Paul Rudd (When I was ten years old and first saw Clueless I fell in love with his activist ways)
Kill Ryan Reynolds (sorry, Dustin. He's too blond for me.)

DawnDraper, I am a youngster too, and I still want to do dirty things to RBJ. Then again, my first crush was Harrison Ford and I maintain the most attractive man in the Lord of the Rings franchise is Sean Bean. So. Possibly poor judgment.

Here are two triplets for each sex, and I’ll start you off with a selection largely from our Most Bangables list:

admin
, (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy)
Barbado Slim

&

Lainey
MelBivDevoe
Anna von Beaverplatz

Fuck, kill, or marry?

Fuck: Gillian Anderson
Kill: Julia Roberts
Marry: Natalie Portman

Damn. You see? Optimus is just so much awesome that I makes me lose my grammar.

As for the Heigl/Hilton/Montag triumvirate-damn that's just cruel!
I would prefer to just fucking marry a bullet and be done with it.

I always interpret these as "marry" meaning "get to fuck repeatedly."

So I would fuck Paul Rudd, marry RDJ, and kill Ryan.
And... um, fuck Rachel Weisz, marry K Bell (preferably if she can be in character as Veronica Mars and go sleuthing with me the whole time, complete with witty banter), and kill Hendricks.

Though: no hard feelings to Ryan or Hendricks.

Fuck Ryan because I suspect he'd be OK with hanging out for beers afterwards no strings attached.

Kill Paul, because I'll always rather do some other guy / chick in his movies then him.

Marry RDJ because I crave the drama. And the wit. And don't get me started on the body.

Fuck Christina because come on, how could I not. But I'd be way too jealous and possessive of her to make a marriage work.

Kill Kristen because same thing as with Paul.

Marry Rachel because she's the tits, both literally and figuratively speaking. Hey, I like them smallish, kay?

Fuck Rachel Weisz because she is doable.
Marry Kristen Bell because that's a life time of delightful shagging.
Kill Christina Hendricks because I am a red head and I dislike red headed women. Maybe it's jealous but there is a whole group of men who find red hair arousing on women. Where is the reciprocal group? Where are my groupies who only want me for my hair color? I never found them.

*Jeopardy

Fuck Hendricks - I have a hard time thinking she'd be easy to hold on to in an extended relationship. But while it lasted...

Marry Weisz - She's only a couple of years older than me, ridiculously hot, extremely talented, smart, and...just DAMN hot. She'd make a good wife.

Kill Bell (HA! Apologies to Tarantino for the bad pun.) - Cute girl, just doesn't do all that much for me.

for the guys (hypothetically speaking)

Fuck Downey - assuming he'd get drunk and pass out before the act

Marry Rudd - I think he would make a good life partner if one HAD to choose. Strikes me as a good drinking buddy, an important trait in a mate.

Kill Reynolds - sorry, Dustin.

F**k Kristen Bell in as many positions as possible from the Kama Sutra. I'm picturing a kitchen on a hot summer morning. Kitchen sink, kitchen table, kitchen floor, open refrigerator door...

Marry Rachel Rachel Weisz. And live in a English or French countryside, where she could frolic in bare feet and a summer dress with nothing underneath. I'd do her outside on a grassy hill by a lake or pond. With the smell of rain in the air. Wait, does that negate Kristen Bell? Okay, we make love outside on a grassy hill, etc...

Kill Christina Hendricks. I don't know who this chick is. I looked on IMDB and still don't know. I'd cut her head off and throw it out the window of my moving car while listening to the Ramones, "It's Alive" album.

Mmmmmmmmmmmm. Christina Hendricks

As a perfectly straight women, I am completely turned on by other women's breasts. Please tell me I'm not the only one.

Marry Rachel Weisz - she seems extremely interesting and loveable

Fuck Christina Hendricks - over and over and over and over and over . . .

Kill Kristen Bell - nothing personal, she's just a doppleganger for my sister and it creeps me out

So ummmmm Kballs, where do you live again?

Y'just don't make it easy, do you, Dustin?

Paul Rudd - Marry
Robert Downey, Jr. - Fuck
Ryan Reynolds - Kill

Actually, this one wasn't so hard. Ryan Reynolds is an easy kill, thanks to Comedy Central reminding me over and over that Reynolds has made some truly shitty movies (Van Wilder, Waiting, & Just Friends). Rudd vs Downy is a coin flip only until I realized just how cool a couple me and Rudd would be, plus Rudd's got a great group of friends to hang with. I don't know Downey's friends. So I fuck Downey and use it as my opening line to eventually marry Rudd.

And this paragraph either means I'm ridiculously comfortable with my sexuality, or that I have to have a talk with my fiancee within the next two weeks.

Kristen Bell - Kill
Christina Hendricks - Fuck
Rachel Weisz - Marry

Again, Kristen Bell is an easy kill, if only in comparison to the other two. Also, I'm still a bit mad at her for dumping Peter Brenner and cheating on him for a year prior. Fuck you, Sarah Marshall! Rachel just beats out Christina because I know and have always liked Rachel. I'm not so familiar with Christina (I don't watch Madmen...whoops!). But there's no doubt that Christina is hot - I LOVE redheads! But I know Rachel could pull redhead off when needed.

Start talking dowry, my friend. How many camels you got?

Two packs of lights and a half pack of Marlboro reds.

Has anyone noticed that the "Fuck Hendricks, Marry Weiss" option has been chosen about four times as often as any other single combination?

It's like a real life version of the "Maidenform" episode of Mad Men - no wonder Joan feels like she has to marry the rapist.

Sigh, I'm so late.

The boys:

Fuck - Ryan Reynolds
Kill - RDJ (I'm not apologizing. Whatever.)
Marry - Paul Rudd. And we would have beautiful, hilarious children.

The girls (this was much more difficult since Rachel Weisz is the only one I find attractive):

Fuck - Kristen Bell (we're both tiny, it could be fun)
Kill - Christina Hendricks. Her boobs are seriously too much.
Marry - Rachel Weisz. She's just so pretty.

Start talking dowry, my friend. How many camels you got?

Two packs of lights and a half pack of Marlboro reds.

Posted by: admin at August 5, 2009 10:49 AM
---
Sorry, this is a no-smoking country. Now if you have some AK-47s, Uzis and Kalashnikovs, those are OK. Americans hate it if you kill yourself, over 30 years, with cancer but they're fine with you shooting yourself, and taking 10 other people with you, like this crank in Pittsburgh just did.

Kill Ryan Reynolds and then fuck his corpse. Rudd can watch while he jerks off in the corner.
Marry RDJ.

Fuck Kristen Bell
Kill Rachel Weisz while fucking her. She looks like she enjoys a good choking, and i need to get some murdering done.
Marry Hendricks.

Hmmm...
F Ryan Reynolds
Kill RDJ
Marry Paul Rudd
Honestly all 3 of those guys are interchangeable for all 3 of those actions.

As for the ladies:
F Kristen Bell
Marry Rachel Weisz
Kill Christina Hendricks. I harbor irrational rage for gingers.

Spender - you made me blush.

admin - Hey! Actually... that's probably true.

Fuck - Hendricks
Kill - Weisz
Marry - Bell