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Fright Night -- What Scares the S**t out of You?

By Tater Barley Banks | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (128)

fright_night_movie_still.jpg

It’s been a busy week here at The Barley Banks’ Trauma Castle, what with putting the razor blades in the apples, rolling the chocolate bars in ground glass and replacing a few of the gummy worms with (tee-hee) real worms, but still we’ve had a moment or two to reflect.

I have informed Mrs. Barley Banks, and the daughter, that if the time ever comes when they have to make the pull-the-plug decision on your gracious host, to keep one thing in mind:

I’m not scared of dying. It’s heaven or oblivion for me, bitches! Win-win!

What I’m scared of is pain. Fucking mighty terribly scared of pain.

So act accordingly.

The weekend diversion, in honor of Halloween: What scares the shit out of you?

Now … where did I put my cattle prod? The kids will be here any minute …

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX







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Comments

I'm fucking terrified of never getting a job, never moving out of my parents house, never finding love.

But more imminently I'm scared my TFT monitor is going to die on me.

Oh I'm also scared of slugs, they move far too slow to be trusted. The bastards.

Posted by: Temet Nosce at October 31, 2009 2:22 PM

What the movie industry is not-so-slowly becoming.

The inevitable out-of-control downward spiral of our culture into complete incompetence.

Twihards (but more repulsed than scared).

Also, spiders. Ick.

Posted by: commanderfunky at October 31, 2009 2:28 PM

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, the New Madrid Event, and weaponized smallpox, in roughly that order.

Posted by: Jerce at October 31, 2009 2:34 PM

Wish I could think of something witty or deep (this being Pajiba and all).

But really. The thing that scares me most... being / getting startled.
CaNNoT stand it!

Posted by: Ms MoMo at October 31, 2009 2:36 PM

I'm more scared of what the music industry has deteriorated into than what the movie industry has become, for fucks sake, the most popular acts in the whole damn country are Owl City and The Jonas Brothers. What have we become.

Posted by: George at October 31, 2009 2:37 PM

I could go into painful psychological detail about my deepest fears, but instead I'm going to go with the shit the frightens me instead of full-on soul-crushing despair.

- Spiders
- Deep Water
- Sharks
- Mega-Sharks (ENTIRELY DIFFERENT)
- Lightning (But only when it's right over our area)
- Lists that go on longer than five items
- Wait a minute...OH DEAR GOD NO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Posted by: Jeremy Feist at October 31, 2009 2:42 PM

Aliens. I don't even believe in aliens, and they still terrify me. Too much X-Files and TLC specials on aliens as a kid (before TLC was all about makeovers and thousands of kids in one family and little people.) Honestly, you can just tell me a story about alien abduction, and a really lame one at that, and I get chills.

Posted by: kelsy at October 31, 2009 2:46 PM

I love my mother. Really. But between her over-protectiveness and my rampant imagination, I'm scared of damned near everything.

Top of the list:

1. Waking up to find someone standing over my bed (or walking to the kitchen at night and bumping into someone in the dark who DOESN'T LIVE HERE!)

2. Someone popping up in my backseat.

3. The telephone ringing in the middle of the night. Possibly the most unnerving thing ever. I always assume the worst.

Posted by: superEdna at October 31, 2009 2:47 PM

Oh, and considering the town I live in has been partially wiped out three times in ten years by tornados, let's move that up to #1. I'm absolutely terrified of stormy weather, especially when those effing siresn start going off.

Posted by: superEdna at October 31, 2009 2:49 PM

I should amend that I don't really believe in the aliens that leave crop circles and are blue/green and skinny with big black eyes. Who knows what exists out there?

Posted by: kelsy at October 31, 2009 2:50 PM

Truth?
I really fucking HATE people in costumes. Clowns, Mickey Mouse, Chuck-E-Cheese, Easter Bunny, Santa Claus... You get the picture. I wrangle 1000+lb beasts every day, never back down from a big angry dog, Hell, I would probably wrestle an alligator if I really had to, but a guy in a costume?
Fuck.
That.
Noise.

The SO was asking me last night about seeing Where The Wild Things Are, and I hedged mightily, because I am not really sure he is ready for the tour through crazy-land that is my phobia for people in monster suits. If that movie was straight CGI, fine. But it isn't. Plus, I never really liked the book. (Treason!) Don't get me wrong, I can nut up and deal if I have to. I'm not completely stupid, I know that they are harmless, but the visceral reaction is not pleasant.

Suffice it to say that I will not be attending any Halloween parties.

Other than that, I dread the idea of losing the people and animals I love, but that is inevitable, I have already survived more than I though I could, and I can't ruin today by worrying about tomorrow.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 31, 2009 2:50 PM

For a relatively outdoorsy nature-lovin' sort, I have a somewhat incongruous fear of spiders. I've had enough exposure that I'm now okay with seeing a spider around me, minding his own business...but if I get one on me? *shudder*

Last month, I was alone in the woods and walked into a cobweb...and the little bastard landed IN MY HAIR! I squealed like a little girl! So glad nobody was around to hear me....

Posted by: meaux at October 31, 2009 3:01 PM

Besides that photo up top?

Going blind.

Posted by: Fredo at October 31, 2009 3:03 PM

There are too many for me to detail in one post. I afraid of heights, climbing, falling, ledges, skyscrapers, bungee jumping, and realistic and/or well-animated images of any of the above. I have a panic attack, piss my pants, and cry until someone comes to save me...on a 5 foot ladder.

Posted by: Robert at October 31, 2009 3:06 PM

for fucks sake, the most popular acts in the whole damn country are Owl City and The Jonas Brothers. What have we become.

Hey I enjoy listening to Owl City...and that terrifies me...

I also cannot cannot canNOT stand centipedes. I don't care about most any other bug out there, but a tiny worm with a thousand legs and I assume a million biting snarling little mouths scares me awake at night.

And the fact that someone even had the gurgling, horrifying fortitude to imagine a human centipede makes me want to sit in my closet with a running chainsaw and barrels of gasoline, if it will all fit in my closet.

And don't get me started on fucking millipedes.

Posted by: annoyingmouse at October 31, 2009 3:09 PM

1. Junebugs (creepy little fuckers)

2. My GERD will turn into esophageal cancer

3. Losing one of my kids (thought it happened 2 weeks ago when no one saw her for 45 min after she got off the bus.)

4. Creepy clowns

Posted by: wsapnin at October 31, 2009 3:12 PM

Waking up without my penis.

In a close second, Tim Curry.


Posted by: Some Guy at October 31, 2009 3:25 PM

AIDS-related ennui

and waking up without Some Guy's penis

Posted by: gp at October 31, 2009 3:29 PM

WHat am I scared of:

Sarah Palin/Michelle Bachman 2012.

Posted by: John W at October 31, 2009 3:29 PM

owl city WISHES he could be the postal service.

Posted by: gp at October 31, 2009 3:30 PM

Spiders. Pure and simple. I don't know if it's been the weather this year or just God's punishment for all my years of debauchery, but the creepy little bastards' annual "it's cold out here so let's all move inside!" migration has been especially abundant this year. Motherfuckers. Ghuuheeewwwgh!!!

Posted by: Edwina the Magnificent at October 31, 2009 3:33 PM

Flying roaches. Hate those things. To the point I've run out of the house, gotten in the car and driven down the block. Where I call my girlfriend (still in the house, oblivious) and say, "There is a giant flying roach in the _____. Please call me when you've killed it and I can come home again."

I'm terrified of something bad happening to my gf, and not just because she's the roach killer. I don't know if it's paranoia or what, but I have nightmares.

And I'm terrified of the fact that I seem unable to find a job, or even get called for an interview. The money's running out.

Posted by: myysharona (formerly Sharon) at October 31, 2009 3:46 PM

Those morlocks from the Time Machine episode of Wishbone. God that was a good show.

Posted by: Dr. Dysentary at October 31, 2009 3:52 PM

i'm scared of wacthing my Girlfriend along with my best Friend ,entire family and all of my friends neighbors coworkers get shot gassed and bombed inside churches temples synogoges and mosqes by militant Atheists and the goverment by takien over by anarchists and John walsh getting assasinated. i fear myself becoming a racist and a very sadistic person.and by the way orinignal poster how do you know death itself isn't extremly Painful to seprate your spirit from your body?

Posted by: Utah Dynamo at October 31, 2009 3:53 PM

In no real order.
1. Spiders
2. Clowns
3. Spider Clowns
4. Meth-heads
5. Super AIDS
6. Madonna
7. My GF just said commitment (ooooh snarky)
8. Emos in their thirteen yr. old sisters pants and make-up
9. Your dad coming home early
10. Whats Happening to America
11. Fucking up in Iraq or Afghanistan

Posted by: Matt at October 31, 2009 3:57 PM

Killer bees!!! And heights. When I see people bungee jump or wrong climb on tv, I get all sqirmy and I get this really weird sensation in the bottoms of my feet. I'm getting it right now just thinking of it. Cliffhanger is tha scariest movie of all time, for me anyway. I've never made it through it even once. Which I suppose is good, cause I hear it sucks monkey balls.

Posted by: Amy at October 31, 2009 4:06 PM

"...by militant Atheists."

This won't happen; there's enough religious morons who will, though.

Atheists don't care enough to risk their own personal freedom for other people's idiotic beliefs.

The other idiotic believers, though, are the ones I'd really worry about.

Posted by: Recondite at October 31, 2009 4:07 PM

What scares the shit out of me the most is this:

The idiots, the real morons in the world (not just in this country), are breeding in massive numbers. Idiocracy is on the rise and will be our future. That scares the shit out of me.

To quote a great man (and I paraphrase here): "Life would be pretty unbearable if I couldn't commit suicide at any time."

Bonus 10 points if you know who gave that quote.

Posted by: bignick at October 31, 2009 4:28 PM

- demon possessions

- bugs

- zombies. especially fast ones like in 28 days later

- creepy, cult-like towns where everyone is crazy.

- angry mobs (like that scene in The Mist)

- insanely deep voices

- diseases and germs

- when blood exits the mouth

- pretty much everything in Drag Me To Hell

- mentally unsound laughing

- evil goat creatures

- that twilight zone feeling when everyone talks to you and treats you like you're crazy.

- falling for some clever kidnapper scheme and ending up hacked to pieces because I thought I was helping someone out.

- crazy, murderous hillbillies

- pointy teeth

- slow torture done by someone with no empathetic feeling capacity.

- being pulled under water by something paranormal.

- messed-up looking eyeballs

- the cult-like following (as a whole) of pop icons like Twilight or Obama.

- when zombies or whatever get puss and death-juices into a live person's mucous membranes like in Dead Alive or Drag Me To Hell.

- the dying sister in Pet Semetary

...I think that pretty much covers it.

Posted by: bubblegumshoe at October 31, 2009 4:29 PM

Drowning.

Maggots.

Cancer, aneurysms & airborne pathogens.

Sarah Palin.

When people pull a rubber band back like they are going to snap it at you.

Chiuauas.

Posted by: Cruise at October 31, 2009 4:29 PM

airborne pathogens, good one. I forgot I was scared of that shit too.

also put me down for blood clots, heart attacks, aneurysms, pulmonary embolisms and the like.

I can't even watch Doctor shows because I'm such a hypochondriac.


Posted by: bubblegumshoe at October 31, 2009 4:33 PM

Barbado Slim with a weaponized pig.

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at October 31, 2009 4:37 PM

That blasted picture is scaring the hell out me.

And falling. That fear didn't come about until I fell 15 feet off a ladder. I bounced, it hurt.

Posted by: Kylie at October 31, 2009 4:37 PM

Clowns

Snakes

& Stone Phillips

Posted by: kylers at October 31, 2009 4:38 PM

Octomom

Girls with Adam's Apples

Barney

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at October 31, 2009 4:39 PM

Those ladies with those finger nails that are so long that they curl around in spirals

The old German lady who lives next door to me who likes to talk cryptically about the "good old days"

The word "head cheese"

proctologists with large hands

urologists with Lou Gehrig's disease

chupacabras

Del Taco burritos after 2 a.m.

Tijuana brothels (when I'm sober)

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at October 31, 2009 4:47 PM

I believe I tricked myself into "Indiana Jones Syndrome", a self-inflicted paranoia in which watching Indy too many times as a child leads one to have a fear of snakes, who are in reality huge pussies. (Their defense mechanisms include shitting themselves and playing dead, although admittedly there are some dangerous mofos, I live in the northeast...)

Serial Killers/Psychos don't do it for me, cause I'm faster than them. It's not even close. Unless Usain Bolt is coming at me with a chainsaw, I'm getting away by running in the path directly in front of the fat guy. Natural selection, Globulous Joe!

I will admit that Aliens scare the crap out of me. Not X-Files aliens, they look like a knuckle sandwich would knock their bulbous heads back to Alpha Centauri. I'm talking Ridley Scott/James Cameron Aliens, if nothing else because they pause and grin at you before punching a hole in your face. Don't even get me started on face-huggers, if I hear something knock in my garage and those movies are on I send the dog in first...

Posted by: D-Day at October 31, 2009 5:00 PM

Having seen some of the horrible things human beings are capable of...I'd have to say other people.

Posted by: Jim Doggie at October 31, 2009 5:08 PM

I'm absolutely fucking terrified of that thing that's standing right behind you.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at October 31, 2009 5:10 PM

Though it comforts me that I don't have to outrun it -- I only have to outrun you.

Posted by: Neodiogenes at October 31, 2009 5:11 PM

The dark. I can reason with myself over just about any other illogical fear I may have, except that one. I'm not too bad at home, where everything is familiar (and my hubby is here so he can beat/kill/get rid of whatever is in the dark), but anywhere else and I need a nite-light.

Posted by: Eyvi at October 31, 2009 5:18 PM

Movies/shows where dolls come to life and kill people. The clown in Poltergeist doesn't scare me so much because it's a clown, but because it's a doll that's possessed by evil!!!!!

Posted by: MM at October 31, 2009 5:18 PM

Utah Dynamo,

Because every funeral would be closed-casket, they couldn't get the last shriek of pain off your face.

Also, I would have to have a soul.

muahahahahahahahaha

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy), at October 31, 2009 5:19 PM

Gut reaction says my brother or sister dying, also earwigs.

Posted by: Jadashay at October 31, 2009 5:19 PM

In college I lived in the upstairs portion of a duplex. The people downstairs were not the greatest housekeepers in the world. This is important. I'm sleeping soundly, when I feel something on my arm (next to my face), so I do the only logical thing which was to flail wildly. That's when I hear something hit the damn wall. I hit the light next to the bed, and find my bed is an island amongst the sea of roaches that has migrated up from below.

Yeah, after the screaming I spent the rest of the night sleeping in the architecture building which was open 24 hours. Turned out the downstairs neighbors had moved out and left food in the apartment. A lot of food.

I'm scared of waking up with roaches in my mouth. Because I came pretty damn close.

Posted by: Mrcreosote at October 31, 2009 5:39 PM

Motherfucking arachnids crawling across my bare feet at night. Which is why, whether sitting on the couch or at my desk, my feet never touch the ground. CONSTANT VIGILANCE.

I'm looking forward to strapping my Juno tummy on tonight. Happpy Halloween, everybody! THUNDERCATS ARE GO!!

Posted by: Lauren at October 31, 2009 6:23 PM

Oh my god, Mrcreosote, that is a fucking NIGHTMARE.

I'm scared of spider, roaches, centipedes... basically icky creepy-crawlies.

I'm not really afraid of heights when I'm in a tall building or on a mountain, but I have a hard time flying. In my mind, if I crash in a car, I'm close to the ground, I can't really fall... but a plane crash? I'm fucked.

Also, I'm afraid of most major diseases (swine flu doesn't count) but I'm really terrified of getting sepsis. Sounds dumb, but when I was in college, a classmate died of sepsis. I make sure to clean any wounds I get, even tiny things like papercuts.

owl city WISHES he could be the postal service.

YES. Every time Owl City comes up on my iPod, I have to check if it's him or Postal Service. It's eerie how much he sounds like Ben Gibbard.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at October 31, 2009 6:31 PM

clowns

bees

string

kitchen sink drains

Posted by: glittergirl at October 31, 2009 7:11 PM

Me personally? I'm an aichophobe - meaning I've got a toweringly irrational fear of sharp and pointed things. Can't stand needles and injections, can't watch scenes in TV programs or movies that involve cutting or stabbing without wincing like a big blubbering baby... Hell, even if I'm standing in the kitchen with one of my housemates, and they happen to be holding a knife for a perfectly valid, culinarily-related reason, I find my gaze flickering nervously to the offending pointy thing during the conversation, and I take great pains to stay out of arm's length.

Also, mimes. I can't fucking stand mimes. Them, or those living statue fuckwits. Hate hate hate hate HATE.

Oh, and on a more movie-related note - people moving in unnaturally jerky/twitchy ways - like the butcher in the remake of The House On Haunted Hill, or pretty much any lank-haired Japanese ghost girl you could care to name. Unnerving, wrong, makes my skin crawl.

Posted by: Dill The Devil at October 31, 2009 7:29 PM

Sarah Palin/Michelle Bachman 2012.

Posted by: John W at October 31, 2009 3:29 PM

Awww, crap! I want my mommy.

Posted by: Scully at October 31, 2009 7:33 PM

Suffocating.

When I was 12, a cousin of mine thought it would be funny to knock me down and press a pillow over my face. He had no idea that I couldn't breathe until I started flailing for my life. Since then, I can't be anywhere or in any situation where my breathing gets constricted or I freak out. I also can't watch movies where anyone has to hold their breath or I hold my breath too. Hell, I watched the Poseidan Adventure and almost passed out.

Also cave crickets. Those fuckers are just spiders that can JUMP UP AND EAT YOUR FACE!

*shudder*

Posted by: ZombieNurse at October 31, 2009 7:55 PM

Nosferatu

Madonna's arms

Lady GaGa's VMA outfit

Guys in ski masks

when people get swept up in conversation while holding a sharp knife and they are just waving it around not paying attention

bees

long lines

non-refundable tickets

bottom fangs

Tim Curry in Legend

post-apocalyptic or Orwellian 1984-ish movies


Posted by: bubblegumshoe at October 31, 2009 7:58 PM

SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS SPIDERS!

Sorry for going all Kanye West Caps Lock. I will literally jump out of my seat if I see one, and will keep my eyes glued on the sucker for the longest time just to see if it'll inch towards me. It's getting better now, but I still despise the little bastards.

Posted by: Katie (KP) at October 31, 2009 8:08 PM

The gray hair I found on my balls

Posted by: L.O.V.E. at October 31, 2009 8:12 PM

Religious fundamentalists. Someone needs to make this horror movie (Rob Zombie, call me!)

Posted by: Cruise at October 31, 2009 8:19 PM

Growing up, the religious right, and the deaths of my immediate family members.

Posted by: Borg at October 31, 2009 8:26 PM

Calvin: Help me (hic) get (hic) rid of (hic) these darn (hic) hic (hic) hiccups!
Hobbes: How?
Calvin: (hic) Scare me.
Hobbes: Our oceans are filled with garbage, we've created a hole in the ozone layer that's frying the planet, nuclear waste is piling up without any safe way to get rid of it...
Calvin: (hic) I mean surprise me (hic).
Hobbes: That doesn't?! Boy, you're cynical...

Posted by: Borg at October 31, 2009 8:27 PM

Confined spaces, especially if my arm movement is restricted.

Falling or seeing someone else fall from a stadium upper deck.

Posted by: sansho1 at October 31, 2009 8:56 PM

Ridiculously huge medical bills appearing out of nowhere in my mailbox from an incident that occurred almost a year ago. I thought I'd already paid them off, but lo! Silly me! Those were just the ridiculously huge fees of the various doctors who evaluated the results of the (unwanted by me, but I was in no state at the time to realize what they were doing, let alone decline them) scans and pokings and proddings. Ho ho, you silly fool!

I fucking love Halloween, and this little surprise is the crown jewel in the "I'm so scared I think I just shit my pants!!!!!!!!!" variety.

Posted by: Edwina the Magnificent at October 31, 2009 8:58 PM

Confined spaces, especially if my arm movement is restricted.

Falling or seeing someone else fall from a stadium upper deck.

Posted by: sansho1 at October 31, 2009 9:05 PM

- Sharks

- Going to hell (30 years of Catholicism sticks to a girl)

- Serial killers

- Going blind

Posted by: Nicole at October 31, 2009 9:09 PM

Getting to #1 on the EE. Every hipster packin' a space bar will come lookin' for me...

Posted by: Goldie at October 31, 2009 9:23 PM

bees.
losing my parents/brother.
infertility.
michael myers.
car accidents.
'silver bullet'
spinal cord injuries.

Posted by: samma at October 31, 2009 9:38 PM

In no particular order

-Cockroaches

-Heights

-Birds (Thanks Mom)

-Breaking, chipping, or losing a tooth

-Drowning

Posted by: androstarr at October 31, 2009 9:38 PM

I'm ok with pain. I don't claim to have a lot of experience with it (I don't get in fights or have frequent accidents or anything) but the idea of pain doesn't scare me so much.

I believe in euthanasia if that is a person's choice but I don't think I would ever take that route myself. If I was faced with terminal, painful illness or death I think I would take the pain and hang on for as long as possible. I wouldn't want to let go. I'll find a way to cope, a way to transcend the pain and take pleasure in the intensity of it. What is pain, anyway. If I am facing the end of my existence I'll take whatever you've got as an alternative. I'll go out like William Wallace at the end of Braveheart- at least you get a few last moments to be in. (Is that a very existentialist answer?)

As for what scares me, well, not being able to take care of my family, especially me daughter. I like to think I can take whatever life gives me but being responsible for someone else is a scary thing. Also, losing my mind to something like Alzheimer's or dementia.

Posted by: Yossarian at October 31, 2009 9:47 PM

The far left
Snakes
Burning to death
Being alone
Spencer and Heidi

Posted by: Be Adequite! at October 31, 2009 9:54 PM

House fires. A roommate once tricked me into thinking that our house had caught on fire (fog machine + garage door opener) and ever since, I've been extremely paranoid about it/scared of it.

Posted by: Xandie at October 31, 2009 10:02 PM

omg, i had forgotten about SuperAIDS.
one teaspoon of SuperAIDS in your butt and you're dead in three years.

but the team-ups with BatAIDS should be cool.

Posted by: gp at October 31, 2009 10:16 PM

1-. Something bad happening to my children
2-. Tight spaces
3-. Rodents in general. ALL rodents.
4-. The dark
5-. Things that go THUMP in the dark

Posted by: Cuca at October 31, 2009 10:18 PM

Oh, and of course, being eaten alive. Which is directly related to my fear of dark waters, which has kept me away from my dream of doing a Triathlon

Posted by: Cuca at October 31, 2009 10:20 PM


Global warming.

peeing in the toilet in a dark bathroom ( I keep thinking somethings going to pop out of the toilet and bite my ass).

Alien abductions.

My real estate tax bill.

Turning into my mother.

Posted by: Whats her name at October 31, 2009 10:23 PM

Earwigs, centipedes, definitely, electricity, spelunking, and my heart exploding.

Posted by: portland mermaid at October 31, 2009 10:33 PM

And being stuck face down in a tight place.
No rebirthing for me!

Posted by: portland mermaid at October 31, 2009 10:36 PM

Republicans and/or stupid people in power.

Dying.

Posted by: Cindy at October 31, 2009 10:40 PM

Failing.
Losing the people I love.

And last but not least... LEECHES.

Anyone who has gone hiking in sub-tropical Australia can understand my pain.... YOU CAN'T EVEN FEEL THEM WHILE THEY ARE SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF YOU!

Posted by: Shmecky at October 31, 2009 10:46 PM

i'd have to say, prob top of my list is heights. i have nightmares about being trapped in precarious positions up high, quite regularly, and it's not even a fear i can cope with if some crisis demands it. i just cling and cry like a baby.

spiders, especially if i am startled by one, make me shriek, and i swear to go they know. spiders aren't afraid of me, they smell my fear and start hunting me

democracy scares the shit out of me too. if your pipes break, you don't get all your friends together and go with whatever idea gets the most votes, you call in a trained professional who knows how to fix them. do you remember wayyyy back to highschool. popularity ruled and it was an inane and counterproductive place. luckily it was finite and brief. then you grow up and find we use the same process to pick our decision makers. aww crap.

Posted by: idleprimate at October 31, 2009 11:05 PM

getting dementia in my old age, and not being together enough to off myself before I forget who I am.

My mom dying.

And, this is COMPLETELY irrational, but every time I walk up stairs that have open risers or go to bed, I worry about something reaching out from the dark space in-between the stairs/under the bed grabbing my ankle. Not just any something -- a long, bony hand (with claws, naturally) that snakes out and wraps around my ankle and won't let go. I'm a full-grown woman, and if the lights are off in my bedroom before I go to bed, I have to take a running leap at the bed to avoid the bony hand.

Posted by: linny at October 31, 2009 11:30 PM

I'm scared to look out of windows at night because my biggest fear is one day having someone looking right back at me. No thanks.
And spiders.

Posted by: Say Hello to my Camel at November 1, 2009 12:17 AM

Clowns.

Posted by: sailboat at November 1, 2009 12:33 AM

Well then, Camel, let me direct you to my all time favorite "Best-of-Craigslist"!

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lvg/944824067.html

This shit made me jump the first time I saw it!

Posted by: D-Day at November 1, 2009 1:19 AM

In no particular order

-Birds: I hate being startled by them as a rule, but more specifically sea gulls. They are evil, viscous fuckers that will attack you for no good reason. I was attacked by an entire flock of them as a kid and still have the scars on my arms.

-Wasps: Scary, viscous fuckers that will attack you for no good reason, although when they attacked me they had reason. I was gardening and hoed over an underground hive.

-Intelligent computers: No they haven't attacked me yet, but once they get smart enough they will. I read shit about computer code, and them beating us at chess, and their use for military strategy, and I freak the fuck out. Of course I am a Terminator, Matrix, BSG fan. But am I fan because it is what I fear or do I fear it because it is what they show?

Posted by: Morgan Lefai at November 1, 2009 1:23 AM

It's about 10 hours later and I'm checking back in here.

Thanks guys / gals. I'm ready to hit the hay and you've reminded me of like
at least 8 soild, other things that really freakin give me the heebie-jeebies.
Just super.

The sharp things (knives, needles), the bony hand from the dark spots, the
heights thing and getting dizzy/fally when it happens, L w/ an E had two
things that made me squirmy....

Crap. Gonna need a pill just to doze off tonight. Y'all suck. [shuddery-shake]

Posted by: Ms MoMo at November 1, 2009 1:31 AM

AV Club did it.

Posted by: bendiagram at November 1, 2009 1:42 AM

Oblivion...and I don't mean the game, which is quite good as far as RPGs go...I'm talking about not existing, an eternal null zone, a dreamless sleep that lasts forever. Just listen to some Finnish doom metal and you'll understand.

Posted by: stryker1121 at November 1, 2009 1:54 AM

I am afraid that one day I am going to fall down a flight of stairs and crack my head open and die.

Also, I'm scared that one day I'm going to lose this hatred of small children that I have one day and suddenly want to procreate. I think that I need to give the order to my friends that if I ever say 'I want a baby' they are to shoot me.

Posted by: rach at November 1, 2009 3:59 AM

Cockroaches and needles.

Posted by: Aislinn at November 1, 2009 6:47 AM

The kid with the dead eyes down the street.

Posted by: ed newman at November 1, 2009 7:41 AM

no-one else will fess up to being terrified of public speaking? Scares me.

I'm phobic about water over my head, cockroaches, losing control of my car while driving. I'm also terrified of anything bad ever happening to my little boy.

Posted by: banana at November 1, 2009 7:51 AM

The only thing I'm scared of is walking alone down a long and seemingly empty hallway, only to have someone turn around and sexually assault me. You can thank Irreversible for instilling fear in my heart when I'm making a turn in a hallway.
Thanks Gaspard Noe!

Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at November 1, 2009 8:42 AM

yes, public speaking scares the crap out of me. I always have a panic attack and my voice shakes. I come off like a mental patient.


someone earlier mentioned oblivion. I hadn't really thought about it too much but when I think of it, thats pretty damn scary too.

Posted by: bubblegumshoe at November 1, 2009 9:32 AM

David Krumholtz. He stabbed Lucy and Carter!

I guess my fear of him comes from him personifying all humans that don't have the same pragmatic and rational way of thinking (or are just plain ol' crazy) as the rest of us.

Posted by: Margrete at November 1, 2009 9:38 AM

Fox "News" + their followers.

Posted by: Scully at November 1, 2009 10:30 AM

and religion. Especially the Christian variety.

Posted by: Scully at November 1, 2009 10:33 AM

AIDS-related ennui

and waking up without Some Guy's penis. gp

Oh hahahahhahhahahaha...that's perfect.
And personally what scares the crap outta me...solar flare induced emp's that will wipe out all the technology we rely on.

Posted by: brite at November 1, 2009 11:24 AM

Spiders
Being tortured
Alzheimer's Syndrome
my kids reaching the teenage years
Being nothing more than a cog in the corporate wheel

Wow, this is depressing. Sorry 'bout that but we've had the morning from hell at casa Tyler and I'm not in an uplifting mood.

Posted by: TylerDFC at November 1, 2009 11:31 AM

Ms MoMo,
I live to make you squirm.
Sssquirrrmmmm.
:-}

Rach:
Oooh, the Baby thing.. Scary. Or in a fit of pre-menopausal ennui I decide that I have completely misspent my life and need to get implanted with 8-10 embryos tout suite. I could be the Deca-Mom! {shudder}

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 1, 2009 11:48 AM

True story:
A spider roughly the size of my smallest cat just now skittered out onto my living room floor, and stood there looking at me.
Like it fucking owned the place.
Both cats and the dog backed away from this brazen little bastard. It was one of those big black/brown ones the size of a $.50 piece that stands 1/2" off the ground and has visible hair. Kind of like the hybrid monster spiders from 'Arachnophobia.' It didn't even have the good grace to make an effort to avoid the bottom of my slipper as it descended to squash it flat. There is nothing quite like the crunch of an exo-skeleton under my fuzzy slipper.
Shoulda RUN, motha'fucker! I don't take no lip offa no spiders.
Do you have a fucking job? Pay rent? Then you don't live here!

I HATE an uppity spider.


So I realize that this means it's killin' time in the ol' basement.
I love the smell of Raid in the morning.

There is a chance I am over caffeinated this morning.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 1, 2009 12:55 PM

auto-tune.

Posted by: stopthemadness at November 1, 2009 1:29 PM

Straight razors
Rape
Clowns
Fox News
Bumble Bees
Manbearpig

Posted by: L at November 1, 2009 1:30 PM

ok, cuz we are hip deep in h1n1 or whatever, i have to comment on needles.

my national radio released a report on a study(i.e. shitheads spent a lot of money in the name of being smart) on the repercussions of folk being afraid of getting shots

if you are one of these folk, pass this by, or be offended.

apparently, the people of north america are t risk of all kinds of boogies because they are too fraid to get needles.

now, remember, your average shot, wouldn't evenn register on you hyper sensitive radar, if you didn't see it going in.

remember too, a lovely walk down memory lane, to your grandparents era. they waltzed into the trenches of shots cuz their kids kept being crippled by polio and rickets, not to being mention knocked off by diphtheria and tinnitus.

so, for those of you who are nervous of needles or those who have a boner for big pharma conspiracies, let me welcome back smallpox(it's not dead, it simply has no home) and hemophilia.

Posted by: idleprimate at November 1, 2009 1:50 PM

Hm, what scares the crap outta me? Well, spiders are up there. Any bugs with more than 6 legs, really. What in the hell do they need so many damn legs for?! It's just wrong. Clowns creep me out fo sho. Lindsey with an 'e' is kind of scary right now (I think it's the hyper-caffeination). Fire. Drowning. how weak my body has become.

Probably the biggest, though, the one that really makes me shit myself, is the fear of dementia/the Alzheimer's/any condition that makes my mind not work. I can't even imagine. I already have enough trouble with my memory, and that frightens me.

Also, cupcakes that don't taste good. *shudder*

Posted by: Anna von Beaverpuppet at November 1, 2009 2:00 PM

Cops showing up late at night with bad news.

Cancer.

Posted by: uselessmale at November 1, 2009 2:04 PM

Wanna know from scary:
Naked.
First time.
In daylight.
In front of new SO.
I need more coffee.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 1, 2009 2:16 PM

Lindsey with an "e,"

That freight-train sound you just heard was all the arachnophobes in the house simultaneously losing their lunches all over the computer and running away, weeping in abject terror.

Nicely done!

My mom swears that while she was driving in Arizona once, she nearly ran over a tarantula the size of a dinner plate. Then again, my mom has depth perception issues, so it was probably only the size of a salad plate. Which is still a fucking enormous spider.

There. Between the two of us, I believe we've sufficiently emotionally scarred enough people for one day. Good work.

Posted by: linny at November 1, 2009 2:26 PM

Thanks folks, I'll be here all week. Tip your waitress.
OK, off to work. My students have NO idea what is in store for them today.....
I am ON FIRE, BABY!
Seriously, Maybe the coffee was a bit much.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 1, 2009 2:38 PM

It's not so much the idea of death, it's the possibility that goes along with it; that when someone dies, that could very well be the last time you ever see them. There's nothing sadder.

Posted by: Sarah at November 1, 2009 2:50 PM

idleprimate: isn't hemophilia a genetic condition?

I do feel bad for people with needle phobias; I'd think it's hard to get through life without getting some shots/iv/etc.

Posted by: banana at November 1, 2009 3:13 PM

After reading 1984, I refuse to tell anyone what I'm really afraid of. Because isn't that what they used to convert the really stubborn people? Didn't Winston have his head in a box of rats? It's been decades since I've read the book, but that's what I remember. So whenever I'm asked what scares me, the answer is always the same. Fuzzy pink bunnies. And I'm sticking to that. Just in case.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at November 1, 2009 3:18 PM

The good thing that has come out of this thread is that as long as spiders keep making baby spiders, women will still have a use for men.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKK! ... um, I mean: Honey? I need you in the bathroom ..."

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 1, 2009 3:18 PM

I'm glad I'm not the only one that's terrified of junebugs...evil incarnate, that's what they are.

Posted by: Smokin at November 1, 2009 4:08 PM

Junebugs are the work of the devil.

I think I have phermones that attract them. If there's one in within a 5 mile range it will find me and try to tangle itself in my hair. Stupid motherfuckers.

Posted by: wsapnin at November 1, 2009 8:14 PM

- Being in an empty public restroom (ever since seeing Copycat)

- The thought of being tortured

- Worms (I love spiders and snakes but just cannot bear worms)

- Losing bladder control when I get old

- Oatmeal. It's gross. I hate it. I can't even be in the same room as it. I can't clean a plate or a bowl with it on it. I'm not sure why. Perhaps some weird childhood experience that I can't remember. I don't even like going down an aisle in the grocery store with the oatmeal in it. I look the other way and get cereal bars very quickly and run out of harm's way.

Posted by: polkat at November 1, 2009 9:08 PM

Coincidentally enough, this pic is from (if I'm not mistaken) Fright Night and it scared the living poo out of me when I was 13 and it's still the image my mind conjures up when I'm somewhere creepy in the dark.

Oh, and earwigs. I fucking hate earwigs.

Posted by: malechai at November 1, 2009 9:48 PM

Right Big Daddy,
Did you miss the part where I dispatched the scary spider
All
By
Myself?

As if I need a man to do my killin' for me.
I can open jars all by myself too.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 1, 2009 11:39 PM

Lwa'e', Give me some credit. I obviously meant those other scaredy-chicks who aren't tough-as-horseshoe-nails hot fillies like your bad saddle-ass, spider-stompin' self, my luv.

Posted by: , (TCFKAB) at November 2, 2009 1:28 AM

I should never have doubted you, Big Daddy.
You know me so well.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 2, 2009 2:18 AM

-Nuclear warfare
-war breaking out and Portugal joining the fray
-getting drafted
-getting arrested
-dying suddenly and unexpectedly
-remaining a virgin for much longer/never being able to find a woman
-suddenly discovering that I'm gay/impotent

Posted by: Pedro at November 2, 2009 5:04 AM

Oh, and waking up in the middle of the night to discover someone has died. I keep expecting that to happen with my old dog, who is about to turn 13 years old. The other night, my Mum actually scared the shit out of me when she came into my room at 3AM stating that she thought the dog was dead because she couldn't hear him breathing. I was waaaay relieved to find him peacefully sleeping - and noisily breathing - like always.

Posted by: Pedro at November 2, 2009 5:08 AM

OH YEAH, and I'm shit-scared of sucking my first time with a girl/finding out that I suck in bed. I can see myself lasting all of 10 seconds, the girl telling all her friends, and me never getting laid again.

*shuddddddeerrrrr*

Posted by: Pedro at November 2, 2009 5:14 AM

Spiders spiders spiders spiders spiders.

There's plenty of Great Big Life Fears that occasionally keep me awake at night - dying alone, never finding a job that satisfies me, losing my friends or my family. There's plenty of daily things that freak me out sometimes - jellyfish, rats, occasionally heights. But nothing - and I mean nothing will ever give me the jolt of pure terror that I get when I see a large spider near me, or worse, have a spider of any size touch me.

What makes it worse is that this is the only completely irrational fear I have. Everything else on the list above, and the general list in my head, may actually do me harm. In Ireland, there are no wild poisonous spiders - aside from the occasional escaped pet, the worst a spider here will ever do is draw a tiny pinprick of blood when it bites you (and that's the largest 1%), and yet I'm paralytic with fear whenever I see one. Annoying!

Posted by: Shay at November 2, 2009 6:50 AM

the pic....

debra messing look alike... grace, from hell :P)

Posted by: kikz at November 2, 2009 9:32 AM

Dying alone. I'm the youngest in my family, the closest in age to me is my sister and she's 13 years older, and I, at age 37, have limited time in which to find my soul mate and procreate. I lay awake at night and worry about what will happen to me when I'm old and feeble and have no family left.

Thankfully I have no fear of spiders and will dispatch them for you for a small fee. Beetles, though? Can't friggin' stand them. They're huge and have shells that are hard to crush and make horrid crackling sounds when you kill them...ew, ew, ew. The fear began the summer after we finished a bug collecting project at school, and spent many afternoons trapping bugs of all kinds in jars with alcohol, watching them suffocate, then pinning their crunchy carcasses to cardboard.

They had their revenge by somehow getting through our attic fan at night and making straight for me. I was usually up late and sitting next to the only source of light, and my well-endowed chest in a white T-shirt gave them a wide and well-lit place to land. After several nights of screaming and flailing, I just kept my door closed even though the temperature in the room easily rose over 90.

The worst was when a freakin' cycadia got in my car and I didn't notice until I was underway. I swear it was the size of a bat and kept dashing itself against the windows while I screamed and huddled over the steering wheel as I drove. When I got home I fell out of the car and ran shrieking into the house. My mom had to get it out for me.

Posted by: DeadBessie at November 2, 2009 9:46 AM

idleprimate:

The h1n1 vaccine contains: thimerosal (mercury), gelatin (processed pigskins) and/or formaldehyde.

It's not the needle that I'm scared of!

Posted by: Scully at November 2, 2009 10:23 AM

Holes in things, like those fucking frogs that have holes on their backs and give birth. God it makes me want to throw up just writing it.It made me quit pre med. Couldn't carry the book around with that pic. And spiders.

Posted by: Bethers at November 2, 2009 10:30 AM

OH YEAH, and I'm shit-scared of sucking my first time with a girl/finding out that I suck in bed.
Posted by: Pedro at November 2, 2009 5:14 AM

1) Don't worry, it won't be a problem. All you have to say is 'You are so HOT I couldn't control myself.' Girls eat that shit up and it will work a few times. By then you will get some muzzle control.
2) Go and find yourself an nice Cougar to edumacate you in the sex. Someone old enough to be your patient, more experienced lover. 'Stiffler's Mom,' you know? Pick the right gal and you could get a real masters class.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at November 2, 2009 12:14 PM

Boring ones:

Afraid of never doing anything and being mediocre all my life and just working in retail or hospitality or something for the rest of my life and being unbelievably ordinary.

Being separated from my boyfriend (I sound clingy, I know, but it's the type of "we're totally getting married" sickenly cutesy sort of relationship). Anyone seen David Tennant's "Casanova"? I'm shit scared of that. That we'll be forced apart and see each other occasionally and still love each other with all our hearts and we'll never be together again.

Fun ones:

Being buried alive. I have a really vivid imagination, so as soon as I start thinking about it I just imagine how you wake up in total darkness, you move but then you realise you're trapped, you're under seven feet of dirt and so unless there's someone out there who knows where you are and can help you, you're fucked. And you have no idea how long you have left to live in this tiny, dark, confined space, waiting until the coffin caves in or you run out of air...

And to get that awful mental image out of my mind, HEIGHTS. I don't fear them beforehand, but I get /very/ uncomfortable if I'm next to a ledge, or watching people sky-dive in movies. Oh man, you know that bit in "The Fellowship of the Ring" where Gandalf wakes up on the Tower of Isengard and then the camera goes off the edge and falls down to the orcs? Yeah, that makes me cringe.

Which leads on to my ridiculous fear - gravity reversing and everyone falling into the sky. You can't get more impossible than that, but those amazingly clear blue skys that everyone loves? Yeah, chills of terror run down my spine. Give me cloudy weather and I'm happy.

Posted by: Cookie at November 2, 2009 7:17 PM

1. Abnormally long escalators.

2. Taking a new pain reliever or muscle relaxant and having a reaction and not waking up and being eaten by my dogs because I live alone.

3. My dogs running away or getting lost and people being mean to them or hitting them with their cars or adopting them and not giving them back.

Posted by: Codger at November 2, 2009 8:09 PM

Oooh, Codger! Your #3 is one of my biggest fears too. I find myself at the moment in possession of a whole herd of cats who are all pissed at me because I haven't let them out in three days (Black cats, Halloween sacrifices to the Devil! Hellooooo!?!?!).

Aside from the holiday, I give them little Mom Talks everyday before letting them out the door. "Be careful. Don't talk to strangers. Don't play in the street!"

Posted by: Edwina the Magnificent at November 2, 2009 9:34 PM


















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