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Flash! (Mad Libbing)

By Tater Barley Banks | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (57)

futureda.jpg

Finish the following story. Feel free to pick up where I leave off or where any other commenter leaves off, or, hell, anywhere else in the narrative. It’s not like anyone will confuse my crap with Hemingway, now, is it? Take it in any direction you want. One rule: Make it funny, dammit.

X X X

By Internet World News (sometime in the future)

Killed by advancing technology and massive public indifference, the last ___(a)___ rolled ___(b)___ today to — what else? — massive public indifference.

“Really? The last one? I didn’t know that, and I don’t care,” billionaire Internet publishing mogul Axl Rowles said while waiting for his flight from Portland Interplanetary to the annual National Cannabis Auction and Sale in Jackson, Miss., and playing zBox on his mePhone. “My dad used to talk about those things all the time. All. The. Time. We finally had to have him put down … Hey, Suri!” he shouted to his wife sitting nearby as he peered at the screen. “Dammit, your dad’s calling from the set again …”.

To be continued by YOU.

a. TV
CD
DVD
board game
baby
2-D movie
PC
book
newspaper
gasoline-powered vehicle
tomato

b. assembly line
printing press
into theaters
out of the lab

TATER BARLEY BANKS is not to be trusted. He probably makes up everything he writes about himself, especially the stuff about living in West Virginia. Don’t be fooled. In truth, he lives in Pajibaland, where he speaks gibberish as , (TCFKAB), spends his time sitting on a park bench, eyeing little girls with bad intent, and is developing a 25-letter alphabet, now that his key doesn’t work. He has no blog, no Facebook page and no MySpace page, so don’t try to find him. If you’re so inclined, you can email Tater.









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Comments

Killed by advancing technology and massive public indifference, the last baby rolled out of the lab today to — what else? — massive public indifference.

Named "Caesar" by a whimsical lab tech, the baby, a male, was supposed to be assigned to a bi-sex monogamous couple (the historical designate is "parents") according to ancient tradition; however, no such couples have expressed interest in carrying on the outmoded (and inconvenient) folkways of "Family." A callout then went to same-sex couples, but to no avail.

Little "Caesar" is about to be homeless--his biotech lab, BioBooBoo, is about to close its doors for good. Unless a caretaker steps forward, Caesar may be put up for auction later this month, along with the rest of BioBooBoo's assets.

Posted by: Jerce at February 27, 2010 3:45 PM

Apparently I am the only person in the world who likes this idea, Uniball.

Posted by: Jerce at February 27, 2010 4:24 PM

The rest have been flash-banged by your brilliance, Jerce. You've set the bar mighty high. It may take them hours to recover and mount any kind of assault on your HillKingship.

Or maybe they're just out shoveling snow ...

Posted by: , at February 27, 2010 5:21 PM

Killed by advancing technology and massive public indifference, the last living fan of Cheech and Chong's rolled a fat spliff today to — what else? — massive public indifference.

Since the national legalization of marijuana in late 2012, pharmaceutical companies and fast-food conglomerates alike have been in the game to develop the best new thing in cannabis farming technology. From G.E.'s new G13/Blueberry hybrid, "The Electric Bluegaloo," to Nascars throwback schwag, "The Henry Ford" (unfortunately known to give Jewish citizens a horrible rash), the country has exploded with reefer madness! *wink* This has been unfortunate for the remnants of what used to be referred to as "counter-culture," as their sad, indoor ways are now irrelevant. As such, the last living fan of something called "Cheech and the Chong" died today, lighting up the last few leaves of heirloom cannabis left in the nation, and passing on at the ripe ol' age of 70.

When asked to comment, President Mathers was quoted as saying, "Man, get that fuckin' mic outta my face!"

Posted by: superasente at February 27, 2010 5:22 PM

Killed by advancing technology and massive public indifference, the last newspaper rolled off assembly line today to — what else? — massive public indifference.

Commenting from the country of Pajiba (formerly know as Canada, before the polite takeover of 2010), King Godtopus the First had this to say;

"Really? Who the fuck cares? Wait, will this affect the production of rolling papers as well? How the hell can I smoke my weed without rolling papers? Wait, what did you say? You there in the toque! No, the other you! I can use a vaporizer? Bring me a vaporizer! Too slow! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!"

Posted by: Xtreme at February 27, 2010 7:55 PM

It's quality over quantity today, I see.

Posted by: , at February 27, 2010 9:51 PM

What the FUCK Big Daddy, you trying to make me THINK?
Not bloody likely.
Where are the rants, the seethings, the vitriolic rages. Or even the tales of woe, of joy, of the 'almost were's' and 'only if's.' Greatest loves, darkest hours, dirtiest jokes, most unnatural sex acts? What we need here is a catharsis, a confessional, a receptacle for our mind vomit. We are attention whores, we need to share our STUFF, vent our spleens, get Kudos or chastisement to verify our existence, make us feel alive.
Mad-Libs.
Pshaw.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at February 28, 2010 2:19 AM

Much too rich for the average Pajiban? I think NOT.
Sparkle, people.

Posted by: Spender at February 28, 2010 5:03 AM

Killed by advancing technology and massive public indifference, the last movie critic rolled out his latest and last review today to — what else? — massive public indifference.
One time internet publishing mogul Dustin Rowles, in an exclusive interview with "SYCOPHANT!", was quoted as saying "It's all my fault." No one, thus far, has stepped forward to dispute the claim.

In other news, Michael Bay and M. Night Shyamalan have joined forces to write, produce and direct a remake/reimagining of "Schindler's List". Will Smith is attached in the role of Oskar Schindler. Rumored cast members include Jim Carrey as a wise-cracking, zany Itzhak Stern and Eliza Dushku will play the woodenly sultry, marginally sexy Emilie Schindler. Bay has promised that this version of "List" will have "metric assloads more explosions and CGI", while Shyamalan is sure to provide a patented "twist": The Nazi's WIN!

Finally, proof that we aren't dead as a species, yet: Men and women STILL get mad at each other.

Posted by: Spender at February 28, 2010 5:35 AM

Man... I'll be the first to say that it sucked. At least, I tried.

Posted by: Spender at February 28, 2010 5:36 AM

I liked it, Spender. I think it fits perfectly with the rest of bucdaddy's story about Axl having to put his dad down.

Posted by: elsie at February 28, 2010 8:00 AM

I'm confused. What are we supposed to do, again?

Posted by: BWeaves at February 28, 2010 8:28 PM

Killed by advancing technology and massive public indifference, the last Pajiba Weekend Comment Diversion rolled off the main page today to — what else? — massive public indifference.

Brought down by an insane and complex "Mad Libs" idea, the Weekend Comment Diversion had been popular before it became too much for the modern attention span to handle. "I liked it when I could just rant," said a frequent commenter, who chose to remain anonymous. "But it'd be easier to go watch random youtube videos about squirrels than to actually write something." Known for being a hardworking community full of prolific writers, Pajiba couldn't manage its usual ratings with the diversion, which received fewer than 15 comments. "When you are outstripped by a Doctor Who news update, you know you're in trouble," snarked a source, who was promptly beaten to death by rabid David Tennat fans looking to release their Matt Smith rage. Looks like their next target was the Weekend Comment Diversion. May it rest in peace, along with Tater's ball.

Posted by: esme at February 28, 2010 9:07 PM

I wanted to comment on esme's brilliant contribution, but...SQUIRREL

Posted by: Jerce at February 28, 2010 9:16 PM

Wait, did someone say there were squirrels doing stuff on YouTube? I love squirrels! And stuff!

*departs rapidly*

Posted by: superasente at February 28, 2010 9:33 PM

Seeking the successful singles and take care of you - perhaps financially? http://euageless.com/ celebrates age gap dating and romance.

Posted by: Jim at February 28, 2010 9:34 PM

Killed by advancing technology and massive public indifference, the last spambot rolled out of the sub-cellar of Hell today to — what else? — massive public indifference.

"I think the spambot died of laziness," declared HnzzSpam Lord of Little Stingy Flies, former Deputy Assistant Adjutant Manager of the Minor Annoyance Group, Infernal Sub-Dept. XVLIX(w). "Our spamwriters got lazy and couldn't be bothered to even try to mimic actual human communication. As a consequence, not even the dullest booger-eatin' moron up on Earth could be fooled into clicking a link to connect with biracial tall older piebald harelipped millionaire Asian Russians."

With the spambot concept completely played out, Hell is now calling for suggestions for new ways to clutter the Internet and deceive and confuse those mortals with fewer than two brain cells to rub together while merely infuriating mortals with an IQ higher than a stunned parakeet. Suggestions may be submitted (in quintuplicate) at the Feedback Office, Annex 49/668-b, Room 2241 (under the auxiliary stairway).

Posted by: Jerce at February 28, 2010 10:53 PM

I feel that a combination of the Winter Olympics finale, Sarina's postings on Facebook and Lainey's birthday may have killed this weekend for Pajiba.

Posted by: frank (aka frank_247 aka the lone Scotsman) at March 2, 2010 7:23 AM

Zum Glück endlich mal einer der den Sachverhalt wirklich erklären konnte. Danke

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prodigious account you retain

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