Pajiba

Deal Breakers:

1. A man that calls women "bitches". As in, "So I was talkin' to this bitch and then she..."

2. A man that spends more time and/or uses more hair product than me. I'm all for looking good, but that flat iron is mine!

3. Jealousy... can't handle it, won't have it, next.

Head Scratchers:

1. A man that can't appreciate certain movies, types of music, or songs.

2. Someone that doesn't read for pleasure. It borders on a deal breaker, but as long as they don't mind if I read... I can live with it.

Oh! First comment!! Twee!!!!

Deal Breakers

1. Being rude to waiters/service people, or family members.
2. Bragging about money or status.
3. Bad driver.

Head Scratchers
1. Boyfriend will get up/stay up till 5am to watch a Formula 1 race, at least it's not football.
2. My roadrage annoys the hell out of him.

Dealbreakers:
1. nearly any form of conservativeness. I am just way too liberal to handle that.
2. Thinking there is some line between "friends" and "lovers" that can not be crossed. I once dated a guy who honestly believed that you should never treat your significant other like a friend. Which was bad, since we started out as best friends, and while I was thinking "cool, I'm hooking up with my best friend," he was thinking "now we can't tease eachother or ever have any fun that's non-sexual." gee...wonder why that one didn't last.
3. Leering at other women while I'm around. This includes flipping through your friend's copy of playboy while ignoring me, when I'm sitting right next to you. Man, I was stupid in college.

Head scratchers:
1. as I mentioned in a comment in the trade roundup, my S.O. will watch any sequel, no matter how much he hated the original film, no matter how obvious it is that it will suck, he'll still give it a shot. And then he'll sit me down and force me to suffer so he can talk to someone about how bad it was. I would never have gone past episode 1 of the star wars prequels if not for him. He also has a fondness for renting obviously bad indie horror films (Anyone else seen "Hunting Humans?")
2. The S.O. also drinks alot of milk, but he has a tendency to pour more than he's actually gonna drink in a glass. He'll drink about half of it and then leave the glass sitting somewhere strange, where I'll find it days later, when all the milk has congealed. Why can't he just pour out the amount he's gonna drink, or put his dirty cups in the sink? I can't explain it, and apparently neither can he.

Deal Breakers:

1) Being a racist/sexist/anti-semite. If you don't know what it feels like to be hated for who you are, well, then, you aint lived.

2) Liking Nickelback... or Creed.

3) Lacking passion(s)... and no, managing your hedge funds does not count.

Headscratcher:

I can understand it when a woman isn't a sports fanatic... but to not understand the heart of the game slows me up, ie: i cried when the phillies made the playoffs. you don't have to, just understand why I am crying. Get it?

Dealbreakers:

1. Being self-congratulatory and condescending about only enjoying books or movies that aren't mainstream. Yes I read and loved Harry Potter, and no it does not make you more special that you haven't.

2. Not using the proper use of then/than, their/there/they're etc in emails. A girlfriend recently tried to set me up with a friend, and his introductory email was filled with misspellings and the use of "ur." No. Just...no.

3. Anyone who swings too conservative.

Headscratchers:
1. I agree with Lauren, people who don't read for fun. Reading is such a huge part of my life, and though it's not necessary for a guy I'm with, it is a hugetastic turn-on.

Mick-hee! I cried too and my roommate mocked me mercilessly for days.

Dealbreakers

1.) Someone who can't laugh at themself. Deep down we are all dorks, and if you are too cool to admit that, I want nothing to do with you.

2.)People who only wait for there turn to talk and don't really listen.

3.)No brains. I don't care how hot the woman is, if she is a complete ditz I can't even find her attractive.

Headscratcher

1.) People who do Sudoku puzzles, I just don't get that.

Dealbreakers:

1. One time, a guy I had been dating wrote me an email and spelled "tomorrow" as "2morrow". That was the deciding factor in breaking up with him. It takes more time to find the two on the keyboard than to just spell the damn word correctly!

2. Anything overtly cheesy or schmaltzy early on in a relationship, when it can't possibly be genuine, is a dealbreaker.

3. Bad teeth.

Headscratchers:

1. My boyfriend sometimes dresses like a grandpa, despite the fact that he is 24. On anyone else it might be a turn-off, but it's oddly endearing on him.

2. He works in politics and I am not only uninterested in politics, but borderline ignorant on the matter.

Deal breakers:

1) someone who is really liberal and close minded about it.
2) anyone who thinks they are smarter than everyone else
3) anyone who thinks that their subjective judgment as to the worth of a piece of art (movie, novel, etc.) is the "truth" and that others' subjective opinions have no value (i.e., "all popular movies or popular music sucks").

In college, my dealbreakers for a date were:

1. He wasn't interested in traveling or living anywhere besides his hometown.
2. He was afraid to try new or unusual food. (In one such case, a date called my perfectly ordinary salad "weird.")
3. He didn't read voraciously (and in particular, didn't love The Lord of the Rings).
4. And in lieu of a headscratcher, I'm adding a 4th dealbreaker: A guy who wears a vest without a shirt. I was once hit on by such a person and can't imagine why he thought I would assume he was straight.

Deal Breakers:

1) If she wears Uggs or Crocs in public, its over.

2) Littering, just once and its done.

3) Scratching or biting during the fun and sexy times. It hurts, it does not excited me, its over.

Headscratchers:

4) I moved to California from Kansas a little over a year ago. So far, none of the girls I've met can tell me where Kansas is. It bothers me, but I realized I would never date anyone here if it was a deal breaker.

5) An ex just told me, "you have a big ego. and it's frustrating, because you're a nerd, so you shouldn't have one."

Lauren-that just made me love you :)

And Jen310-truculent is such an awesome word, I need to use it more often.

Deal Breakers:
1)Poor spelling/grammar (it's terrible, I know, but I just can't respect a guy that doesn't write properly)
2)Being shorter than me (I'm barely 5'4", so this really shouldn't be that difficult)
3)Giving butterfly kisses - *shudder*. The only guy that ever did this to me repulsed me to no end. I dropped his ass as soon as possible and have not tolerated such behaviour since then.

Head Scratcher:
My current guy has insisted that I become more physically active and that I eat more, his reasoning supposedly being that he loves me and wants me to be as healthy as possible. I am doing this because it makes sense, but some little part of me is screaming at him inside my head and wanting, for purely rebellious reasons, to just be sedentary and smoke cigarettes and substitute wine for food.

mango sorry, lauren. mango asshole. :(

Dealbreakers
1- cheating
2- hating on people (knee fat, crocs in public...no one is perfect)
3- not having basic manners or social skills
4- camping

head scratchers
1- forgetting important/significant personal dates
2- unwillingness to try new flavours
3- not using a top-sheet when making a bed

Lauren-your "pissed in Cheerios" comment...because hee. :)

Dealbreakers
1- cheating
2- hating on people (knee fat, crocs in public- I broke two of my toes and HAVE to wear them while my poor feet heal -...no one is perfect)
3- not having basic manners or social skills
4- camping

head scratchers
1- forgetting important/significant personal dates
2- unwillingness to try new flavours
3- not using a top-sheet when making a bed

Deal Breakers

1) Being a giant racist/sexist piece of crap.

2) Sexual quirks, such as being a Furrie or Giant Baby that needs spanked. I'm pretty sure I'm being polite with the word 'quirk' here.

3) Expecting me to follow blindly into the fray, with no input whatsoever.

Headscratchers

4) I grew up with all of the men in my family able to fix cars, various house problems, build things, etc. Mr. McGee can't figure out how to change the filter for the furnace.

5) I also grew up with dogs and cats around all of the time. Mr. McGee is afraid of big dogs, but willing to get a small, wussy dog. Sadly, I may never realize my dream of having my 3 year old ride a Great Dane through the living room, wearing only boots, a pull-up, and her cowboy hat.

Deal Breakers:
1) Ani DiFranco fan. Or, worse, puts on Ani during coitus...this is the kinda thing, hearing "My vag-na is a tractor..." that ruins one's life.
2) Smelly chocolate lip gloss. I mean, c'mon.
3) Farts.

Head Scratcher:
4) Paranoia. Fart-caused by paranoia.
5) Her not knowing the Germany was once split in two, evil, Godlessness reigning on one side, pure, honey-covered gravy on the other.

Great Banana - I think that you're confused. Look again, that comment was to Great Mango, not you. And I thoroughly agree with your entire response, had it been directed at your previous comment... but it wasn't.

Dealbreakers:
4. People with no sense of irony.
5. People who don't know the difference between a banana and a mango.
6. Blood relation.

Now that I'm happily married I know more about what my dealbreakers would have been (does that make sense?). Some are unpopular. Here goes:

1. Doesn't want children.
2. Comes from a background radically different from mine with respect to religion, socioeconomics, "values" (whatever that means to you), etc.
3. Linear/not sarcastic.

I actually don't have any physical/clothing dealbreakers. For the most part, those things can either change or will recede over time.

Head-scratchers:

1. My husband doesn't read fiction. Oh, he tries. And tries. He's not some weird anti-intellectual or anything, but he's really more of an Economist kind of guy.

2. My husband was in a fraternity in college - one that refused to go co-ed when the rest of his alma mater did. We laugh about it.

Dustin, did I read "all-girls" in print? Surely you jest.

Deal Breakers:

1. Infidelity (I know, that seems quite obvious, right?)
2. Cannot be a fan of NASCAR or country music (I can't handle the "culture" and I know, it's a bit pretentious of me).
3. No sense of humor. If you can't make me laugh, it's over.

Head Scratchers:
1. My hubby has become completely obsessive compulsive within the last year when we leave the house. He checks all faucets, lights, windows, etc a zillion times. It drives me insane!!

2. His daily hygiene habits. I have wavy hair and even when I straighten it, it usually takes him longer to get ready. He uses a 6" paddle brush on his 2" high hair. What drives me even more mad is the gross layer of hair spray that has now become a staple on our bathroom floor.

Deal breakers:
1. Sticking tongue in ear while making out
2. Hickeys (goes without saying, ok?)
3. Kissing badly (like trying to suck and hold on the tongue).

(Heh, these all have to do with kissing, I know, but it's damn important, ok!?!)

Headscratchers:
1. Playing internet games all day.
2. Dungeons and Dragons (I played once for like 5 minutes, my brother has friends that play for hours and hours).
3. Violent video games (I just don't get it, must be a guy thing)...

Dealbreakers:

1) Not allowing me to be me.

2) Not standing up to me when I become a hellacious, selfish, annoying little bitch.

3) There is no three. It took me 25 years to find someone who could walk the line between 1 and 2, and that's really all I need.

Headscratchers:

1) He likes to fish. A lot. A whole lot. To the exclusion of everything else in life. But he has sacrificed some of his fishing time for me and the littlun, so I've learned to deal with coming in second to a bluegill. Also, he's a well-educated, liberal bibliophile and not one of those moronic neanderthals you see on those (godawful) fishing shows.

2) I like Bravo reality TV too too too much. I think he's developed a healthy hatred for Tim Gunn as a result, which is just so sad.

Deal Breakers:

1. Conservative. I just can't fuck a Republican. Not even a pity fuck, because he'll try to assume control of my uterus anyway.

2. No Body Hair. That's right--I like hair. Chest hair, facial hair, and even a lil butt hair is okay by me. I cannot deal with hairless wonders. Head hair, however, is completely optional.

3. Overt Political Correctness/No Sense of Humor.

Headscratchers:

1. My current bf is a hardcore gamer, and I just don't understand it. If it makes him happy, it tickles me to death. I'll play Wii and Guitar Hero with him all day long, though.

2. He likes to cook and clean more than I do. Which is actually awesome, because I have no interest in either.

1. Men who spend an inordinate amount of time talking about, watching or masturbating to anime.

2. Men who kiss with their teeth (It seems obvious to me that teeth should be removed from the kissing equation but alas, there seem to be a decent number of dudes who feel lost without their pearly whites.)

3. Men who are obsessed with dating incredibly beautiful women but have a. never modeled underwear for a living, b. are themselves morbidly obese or remarkably unattractive or c. are douchetools who treat women like personal accessories that can be upgraded or discarded at a moment's notice.

Despite my previous nitpickiness, I have been known to put up with more obvious offenses like, oh I don't know, cheating, arrogance, vanity and general douchebaggery which lowers the ante on my actual standards quite a bit.

Headscratchers:
I'm a sucker for date-stubble and smokers.

Dealbreakers:
1. Drives an American car, especially a pickup truck. Sorry, I like my men in foreign cars, especially coupes
2. Chews with their mouth open and makes slurping noises while eating. There is no bigger turn off
3. Listens to bad music (especially country and the likes of Nickleback)
4. Wants children

Dealbreakers:

1. Being a clingy man-child. Actually, the man-child thing alone I take issue with, which made enjoying "Knocked Up" a struggle. As sweet as Rogen's character was, I could not help but cringing that "Ew, I've dated that. And that sat around smoking pot in my apartment and ended up maiming my car while driving it home drunk (I used it as a dealbreaker, though it was more of a pass to a guilt-free breakup than anything) He also yelled out "Giggidy" a'la Quagmire when he climaxed once, as well as "Ooooooh- FACE!" on a separate occasion. Definite dealbreakers in their own right, but as they are linked to pop-culture references I'm tying them in to the man-child complaint.

Also, I wanted to mention them for entertainment value.

2. Bad teeth. Be it a ganked up grill, discoloration or, -shudder- missing teeth, I cannot get past it.

3. Being a social conservative. If you think there's something "wrong" with being gay or that minorities are inferior or that women should not have the right to choose, then you're out. I'll chat up Gappy McGankyGrill in a "Family Guy" tee-shirt before giving you the time of day.

Head Scratchers:

My boyfriend uses the wrong form or your/you're and their/they're /there in texts and emails, and somehow I get by. I barely even notice it anymore, and it was something I always gritted my teeth at with other guys.

He is compelled to mention that it confuses him that I "preen" every morning, no matter what the days activities hold. Hiking? Swimming? Whatever, I'm not going out without curling my lashes and applying mascara. Deal, my love. Deal and can it.

Also, whoever it was, when I saw the "first!" comment I immediately sighed and thought "Oh, great, the 'firsties' from the AV Club postings have migrated." I enjoy the little things in life as well, but celebrating "firsties" is supremely annoying.

Then again, I hate the word "cupboard," so what do I know.

Thank you Dustin for running this (I'll let let you know where to send the check).

Dealbreaker:
1. Male
2. No Collge Education
3. Still a teenager

Headscratcher - borderline dealbreaker:
Just sitting there on the subway. No headphones or read material, just sitting there. I don't get it - I go mad if I am more than one stop away I finish what I'm reading.

Headscratcher
1. Not liking music - Don't need to have my taste (hard to quantify that considering I bought the new albums from Serj Tankian and Carrie Underwood on the same day) and you don't have to have an emotional/borderline religious response to the lyrics (I usually don't) But you need to listen to something. How do you not?
2. Oprah
3. Dane Cook Fan

Man, I'm not surprised so many people don't like bad teeth, but dealbreakers? I've dated a couple of guys with bad teeth, and it wasn't because of bad hygiene, it was just that they came from working class backgrounds and their parents couldn't afford dental care when they were growing up. If you don't have access to that when you're a kid you're pretty much screwed. My current S.O. has spent a lot of money fixing the damage done by that early neglect (obviously, he considers it a problem, but I never would have known that if I'd turned him away for having obvious cavities and crooked teeth). Seeing how excited he was when the dentist told him she was gonna put white fillings in the front teeth, because it meant he would be able to smile with his mouth open almost made me cry. And it makes me want to shake some compassion into the people who think of dental problems as a dealbreaker.

Deal Breakers:
1. Okay with going without sex for more than three days. I need someone to match my libido.
2. Ignorance of basic history and/or literature. I once knew someone who thought Thomas Jefferson invented the lightbulb.
3. someone who hates others' beliefs. i don't care what you believe or don't, but don't try to convince me that homosexuals are going to hell or that you have to believe in jesus to go to "heaven"

headscratchers:
1. socks on during sex. come on, are your feet really that cold? i've asked my s/o, but he just laughs and says he doesn't know why he does it. than DON'T. wool does not equal sexy.

Hee...it's probably why it didn't work out. Sweet Jesus, arriving drunk on a second date though, THAT is ballsy. I don't bust out my beer helmet until at least the third.

deal breakers:

1-mouth breathers. (i know it's shallow but omg, close your mouth!)

2-vegans that want everyone else to be vegan (i don't care for politicizing one's diet. it's like abortion, you should have a choice and it should be respected.)

3-hates his momma or sisters (always a bad sign in a man but also applied to women who hate their father and brothers. no good will come from this person. some exceptions allowed however but in MY experience, these are people to stay the hell away from unless you thrive on bullshit drama)



head-scratchers:

1-being ok with my bf's fervent need to follow basketball, baseball and football (he's got all the seasons of the year covered with BALLZ!). i never thought i'd be ok with dating a sports junkie. i, personally, LOATHE sports.

2-he's republican (fiscally conservative moderate) while i'm blend of socialist, communist and bleeding heart liberal. our poli-conversations are COLOURFUL, to say the least.

Dealbreakers:

Stupidity and/or ignorance - which I find explains a lot of the behavior I can't stand in people.
Smoking. The smell turns my stomach, and it's a stupid habit.

Head-scratcher - I've been with otherwise lovely men who simply can't grasp the notion of cleaning up after themselves! I'm no Monica Geller, but seriously, I don't get guys who can't even 'see' that the dishes in the sink have gone mouldy, or that clothes ought to be picked up off the floor occasionally. And it's not as if they were waiting for me to do it - that's what they are like all the time. Beats me.....

An interesting exercise might be to combine all the lists here and see how much of a deal breaker/head scratcher I am across the entire sample. Barring the obvious ones that some of you listed that I would hope should go without saying, I'm a little more unacceptable than I would have guessed.

That said, I'll give it a try...

1) Hates puppies. I don't even own a dog, but how can you hate a puppy?

2) Excessive religiosity. Some religiosity is o.k., but excessive in this case refers to someone who is such a Bible beater that she would have a problem with my beliefs. Essentially, I'm saving her the trouble of breaking the deal.

3) Does not enjoy sex. What can I say? My libido is substantial, and I love all the intimacy that comes with sex. However, I seldom get any or have a significant other, so this hasn't really come up yet. It's just a fear at this point.

I could come up with some more serious ones, but I'll leave it at that.

Head scratchers:

This is mainly in response to one above: thinks Family Guy is funny. So that should answer your question - there are guys who think Family Guy is not funny. In fact, I think it's unwatchable.

Drives a fuel-inefficient car without mitigating circumstances. We all have our vices, but get with the program.

Dealbreakers

1) Expecting monogamy. I simply can't do it and I won't be dishonest and cheat.
2) Any woman who thinks that bisexuals or leatherwomen shouldn't be part of the "movement."
3. Anyone who expects me to leave NoCal. Did that once for someone and never ever again.

Headscratchers

Her -- She's fussy about little things--watching her getting settled in bed is kind of mindboggling.

Me -- I'm far too lackadaisical about keeping track of my own bank balance for someone on a really limited income and I know it drives her nuts.

Someone (I'm too lazy to go back and see who) commented that being married made it really clear what your dealbreakers really are. If I had it to do over again, the dealbreakers would be:
1. Won't stand up to a pushy/judgmental/overprotective/hateful family who doesn't like your SO despite NEVER having met him/her. Honestly, cut the damn apron strings!
2. Close-mindedness or hate or disdain for others in any form, be it conservative, liberal, sexist, racist, homophobic etc...
3. Hitting on me by describing exactly what kind of a doctor you are, including defining the words "oncology" and "hematology," as well as reciting most of your resume. In fact, any kind of condescending introduction is out.

Headscratchers (from the current relationship)
1. How he has no apparent control over his facial expressions or tone of voice. He can give you the "death" look while talking about dinner and not realize it.
2 How I will read every single comment on a website, even one I only have a passing interest in (like gossip sites, not Pajiba).

Woo hoo Claire! Someone finally gets it right!

Dealbreakers:

1. Short in stature. Yes, it's incredibly shallow. But for someone who's 5'6" and likes heels...short is kind of funny and awkward for kissing.

2. Bad hygiene. Bad breath, bad odor, greasy hair? Run for the hills.

3. Clingy. As an independent young woman, I find this need to follow me around and constantly be around me a little cloying. I prefer independence.

Deal Breakers:

1. Swears in public, no matter who's within earshot.
2. Excessive promiscuity. I hate a slutty man, so sue me.
3. Pooping with the door open.

Headscratchers:

1. My husband won't touch animals, not even clean, domesticated pets.
2. He also hates most people, but will happily play for hours with any children (this may stem from his having come from a family of nine).

Apart from the obvious (lying, cheating, being a psycho criminal and other stuff which should make anyone run for the hills), these are my dealbreakers:
1: Smoking. I can not stand people who smoke, even if it's just one cigarette.
2: Allergic to dogs (or dog hater). Sorry, I won't choose you over my dog, so go away.
3: Non-readers. People who don't read are just weird.
4: Picky eaters. God, I hate people who don't appreciate different kinds of food and don't even have the guts to try something new.

Headscratchers:
Golf. What is the appeal?
Bad taste in furniture. It doesn't matter much, I'll just decorate the way I want anyway and get rid of your ugly stuff.

Dealbreakers:

1) Religion in any form. I have no problem with religious people in secular situations but don't think it's realistic to expect that a relationship with a theist coud ever be free from the influence of their beliefs.

2) Misogyny, 'cos I happen to be one of those ladyfolks.

3) A taste in music/film that is dictated entirely by one particular radio station/magazine/website.

Headscratchers:

1) "Man 'flu". Mr Vee is regularly rendered useless by mysterious maladies with symptoms undetectable to all but himself. When afflicted he hides in bed watching the Italian Job and wallowing in self pity. He has, however, nursed me through several nasty illnesses, including a kidney infection, with nary a complaint. (Although he did manage to give me food poisoning when I was recovering from the aforementioned infection.)

2) Poor spelling and grammar. Mr Vee's isn't great, though it's one hell of a lot better than that of most people who attempt to be grammar nazis on t'internet. Also, all of his pre-university education was in German, so I can't really hold it against him.

Bonus dealbreaker: Usage of "t'internet" by non-Northerners, especially if they say "the t'internet". Piss off, it's ours!

Dealbreakers:

1. Alpha male types--I just can't help being uncomfortable around them.
2. Stupidity. I'm a bit of an intellectual snob, and he has to be able to keep up. (See also, subcategories 2.1: bad grammar, 2.2: ignorance, 2.3: bigotry, 2.4: not enjoying reading)
3. No sense of humour, or bad sense of humour. Equally fatal.

Fortunately, I've lucked out and found a keeper, but I think we'd both admit there are some headscratchers:

1. He believes a movie can be "so bad, it's funny." (Sorry Pajiba, I know you love Evil Dead as much as he does, but...ugh.)

2. I'm pretty sure I've caught him mentally rolling his eyes when I feel the need to point out and laugh at some random grammatical error/typo. To be fair, even I know I'm being obnoxious sometimes...

Dealbreakers from the Past--

1. We were making out and he whispers drunkenly in my ear, "mmm, you give me a chubby." WTF?! This was not in middle school. We weren't 12, he was 31. And a lawyer. I got up and walked out. Shallow, maybe, but it made me feel like I was making out with a child. Eww.

2. He could not stop gushing about how he'd never met a girl like me before, didn't know girls like me existed, etc. And what was it that was so rare and lovely? I play video games often (and well!) and read some comics. And do not watch Sex In The City. That was it. Didn't make it past our second date, when we saw Transformers and he just shrugged at my annoyance with the blatant racist/sexist crap.

3. He was a gorgeous South African soccer player. Who turned out to be a racist Afrikaaner bastard. I tried to "understand where he was coming from" for a while and he had me almost convinced it was just a cultural difference (shut up, he was pretty and had an accent, I'd already hit it before finding out) but it was too much. He used the word "keffir" and I pulled over and made him get out in the rain in some random parking lot. Then I drove home and called his machine and played N*SYNC's "Bye Bye Bye" so that he'll forever be the racist douchenozzle that got dumped in the rain by Justin Timberlake. HA!

My Headscratcher--

Why I haven't completely broken it off with the current Slampiece, who uses horrible IM speak in texting me.

Insignificant Other's Headscratcher re: Me--

Why I'm single. I mean, I play Halo 3, fer chrissakes!! ;)

Dealbreakers:
1. Poor grammar
2. I can deal with someone not reading - it's a headscratcher, but it's only a dealbreaker when he's proud of not reading and makes pretentious excuses for it - 'I'm way too busy in my important job to read'.
3. Wears a Speedo in public, and is not competing in a water polo match. I have this irrational fear that I'm going to get married, and during our honeymoon in the tropics, my new husband is going to head out to the beach wearing a Speedo, and I'm not going to know what to do.

Headscratcher:
1. An ex used earplugs when he blowdried his hair.
2. Men who blowdry their hair and use product.

First post...

6. Unwillingness to try new foods, music, movies, cultures, etc.
5. People who are passive about the current state of politics in this country. If you're not outraged, you're part of the problem.
4. Generally accepting mediocrity. I've had dates after bad movies who, after hearing my criticism (poignant, that is), say something like "who cares, it's only a movie..." Well, no shit, but that doesn't give anyone a license to throw a big turd onto the screen.
3. Touchy subjects. People who will not defend their views or opinions. Usually Republicans or blind religious types.
2. Obsessive dog people. I mean, c'mon, are you that needy that freak out about this drooling, dependent, pack animal that you wipe its ass and talk to it like it's a person? I love cats and don't mind dogs, but don't look at me like I farted in church if I don't want to french-kiss Barfy. And the winner...
1. Baby talk. If you're doing it, man or woman, stop. It's not sexy, it's not cute and it makes me feel like you want a parent, not a mate. And for that matter, don't alter your voice in some cutesy way for effect. Ever.

Headscratcher:

Um, I can be a little negative sometimes... maybe...
From my end, she can be a martyr when it's a complete overreaction ("oh, you can't meet me, well okay, I guess you don't want to see me for awhile.")

What does "keffir" mean? I can only think of a lime or the yogurt drink. Am I drinking racist yogurt?

Dealbreakers:

Abuse- physical, mental, emotional, not going to have it.
Racism- also not worth it.
Infidelity- do I need to reiterate?

Headscratchers-

Jaywalking- Can't you just wait for the little walk signal? It's just a second, I promise!
Dave Chapell- I don't think he is very funny.
Sock sniffing- If it looks dirty, it probably is, and you reallllllly do not need to smell it to make sure.

Dealbreakers:
1. A lack of education. It's not that I think less of somebody who's uneducated, I just find that, being an educated woman, I have little to nothing in common with somebody who doesn't have any level of education past a high school diploma. I've also found that dating someone less educated than myself means I have to dumb myself down for them, and no way in hell am I going to do that again.
2. Poor hygiene. Look, you don't have to be the most gorgeous guy going, but at least be clean. And smell good. And wear clean clothes. All I'm asking is that you take the time and make the effort to take care of yourself and present yourself well.
3. Somebody who hunts for sport. Anybody who would gleefully murder an innocent animal for fun is likely to have some serious issues that might manifest in their being abusive jerkoffs later on down the road, and I have no interest in that.

**4. Smoking. Look, smoking disgusts me. I grew up in a smoke free household and have little tolerance for inhaling that second-hand filth. BUT I have to say this is a semi-dealbreaker in the sense that if an otherwise awesome guy were unfortunately a smoker, I would probably put up with it. But anybody else? Nope. Seriously, you have to be pretty much my perfect match for me to accept the cigarettes, otherwise forget it.

Headscratchers:
1. I used to date a guy who was a Star Wars fanatic. I like the movies well enough, but I can't understand the crazed fanaticism that they inspire.
2. Another guy I went out with a couple of times wore those button-down shirts with the dragons and flames on them all the time. You know what? Scratch that. Those dumbass shirts are actually a dealbreaker for me, because they usually signal an entire lifestyle choice that includes addictions to anime, dungeons and dragons, and magic cards. So....

Dealbreaker
5.Dragon/flame/flaming skull/some-combination-of the-above emblazoned shirts. Seriously. They're lame.

I think it's kaffir-as in Kaffir Boy : The True Story of a Black Youth's Coming of Age in Apartheid South Africa

Trent880: I can't post the link, but look on Wiki. Except I spelled it wrong, apparently it's "kaffir," sorry. Same as the n-word here. Comes from the Muslim term for heathen or infidel. Oh hey look, religion and hatred, coupled again. Get a room, you two!

The phrase "have i been eating racist yogurt?" has given me the supreme giggles. I get this image of someone looking all horrified what-have-I-done at a spoonful of jiggly white stuff and it is solidly cracking me up. Just me, or is that comedy gold? Maybe I need sleep.

And summerteeth, yes. (nice name by the way) We went to Voodoo Fest for Wilco (see what I did there?) yesterday and stupid Fall Out Boy was playing and we were all cranky about it, grumbling about how it wasn't punk and whatnot when this little Fall Out Tween walks by with a shirt saying If It's Too Loud You're Too Old and I grumped that it isn't too LOUD, it's too CRAP.

Hm. May have figured out great mystery of Why Am Still Single. Is because am an Old Maid. Eureka! And get off my lawn!

Hee. Racist yogurt.

dealbreakers:
1-hates/is cruel to animals
2-refusal to experience new things (food, travel etc.)
3-video game obsessions (go outside, read a book...anything else!)

headscratchers:
1-abbreviating short words
2-socially conservative people
3-adult men who still act like children around their mothers

1) uneducated, yes I know there are the Will Huntings out there, but I find it too much trouble to sort through the Corky's to find one. And yes, educated does not mean intelligent, but it's a start

2) dependance: I love me a woman who knows how to live life without having to have me there all the time, I like my space too...damn quit crowding.

3) unwillingness to experiment, not only sexually, but to try new things such as going to new places, new foods, trying something stupid cuz it looks fun (like a rollercoaster), etc.

HEADSCRACHER:

1) Toe sucking. I'm willing to do it on clean feet, but that is something that I wonder how it feels good.

2) People who go somewhere to be seen instead of going to have a good time. If you goto a bar, either dance, drink, or pick someone up. If not, get out, you're just wasting space.

Deal breakers:

1)He doesn't like my baby or my dog;

2)He doesn't like to read AT ALL;

3)He tries to be The Boss of Me. (Only I get to be The Boss of Me!!!)

Headscratchers:

He doesn't like Social Distortion.... I mean, what in the hell is up with that?

He doesn't think I'm the funniest muh-fuker he ever met. Because I assure you... I AM.

Deal Breakers:

1. A lack of ambition. I don't care what you want to do, as long as you are passionate about something. Unless it's bringing the sport of kickboxing to America. That's just stupid.

2. A lack of intellectual pursuits.

3. The wearing of faded black denim and/or socks with sandals. My housemates in college used to joke about the horror of the "black denim package," but seriously, it's scary.

Head Scratchers:

The Boy does some odd things, like dropping random words out of sentences when he emails.

Also, and this was nearly a deal breaker, the first time he met my mother and my friends was at a dinner party I hosted. He was so nervous that he drank too much, and ended up reciting a really dirty limerick, despite my repeated attempts to silence him. Now it's funny, but at the time, it was mortifying.

yazikus, I don't equate an education to being intelligent at all, plenty of uneducated people are intelligent just as plenty of college graduates are stone-cold stupid. But having dated both educated and uneducated men, I have found that I have more in common with those who are educated, simply because there's a greater chance that we share similar interests. I see how my saying that I've had to dumb myself down can be taken as my looking down on those that are uneducated as stupid, but that's not how I meant it, and I should have chosen my words more wisely. What I meant was that when I've dated uneducated men, I've found that I can't discuss some of the things that I'm interested in, and when I do, I usually either get a blank stare in return or have to explain the most basic of concepts to them, not because they're stupid, but because they are things that may be everyday topics of discussion for me, but that they may not be familiar with.

1. People who assume a college diploma is necessary to be considered an intelligent individual. (as the college-educated SO of a very intelligent and stimulating college dropout, I say you're just a snob).

2. Arrogance - bragging about your accomplishments, your family's money, how well you play the guitar, etc. Dumping happens faster when said bragging takes place in front of my family.

3. Being rude to cashiers/waiters/service industry employees - If you're an insecure bully who gets off on putting other people down just because you "can", we won't make it past ordering drinks.

Headscratcher:

World of Warcraft

Dealbreakers:

Rude to service people.

Blanket prejudices of any kind.

Stinky cologne. Ugh.

Headscratchers:

The husband says "nuke-you-lar" instead of "nuke-lee-er" for nuclear.

Clean freak who will put my glass in the dishwasher before I am done using it.

Watches bad - admittedly bad - movies again and again (second Star Wars Trilogy, for example). Complains the whole time about how bad the movie is, and yet continues to watch it. And wonders why I leave the room. If you want to watch a sequel to "Starship Troopers" you will watch alone.

"1) Doesn't enjoy women's company...I'm surprised at the number of men who don't really LIKE women...but I just assumed that, if you're a heterosexual man with no traumatic childhood issues, you like women."

Really? Have you met most women? Because I have to say, most women are pains in the ass, and not at all enjoyable. Probably explains why I'm not a lesbian.

Dealbreakers

1.) Daddy issues. Sorry, I just can't deal with it. I don't have the time or the patience. I keep thinking that they are going to wake up in the middle of the night screaming "I hate you Dad!" and then I have to put up with it.

2.) Being prone to sickness. I don't want to hear about it. And you talking a lot about it makes me want to date you even less because at a primal level I feel that you are genetically weak and I won't want to have kids with you.

3.) Being unfaithful. Jeremy Piven said it best in the otherwise average film "Family Man." "The fidelity bank and trust is a tough creditor. You make a deposit somewhere else, they close your account - FOREVER." Word to that.

Headscratchers

1.) Owning a Cat. I hate cats. Not allergic. But, They are proper assholes. And if we are to stay together then we need to agree on a no pet rule.

2.) Having shitty taste in music and movies. I know that opinions are subjective. But, when you say that your favorite movie is "Scarface" and you listen to Yellowcard all the time. Then we are going to have problems. Actually this one is not a headscratcher its a full on deal breaker.

Deal-breakers:
1. Excessive stupidity
2. Hatred
3. Lying cheater or vice versa

Head-scratchers:
1. He's a disorderly, messy, foggy-headed geek.
2. He likes peeps.

Dealbreakers
1. No college education - Yes, I know there are really intelligent people who never went to college. However, education is my career and if you've never been interested enough in college to attend you probably won't understand me.
2. Doesn't drink. I really don't want to drink alone for the rest of my life - you must pour a pint with me.
3. Religion. Organized religions just don't make any sense to me.

Headscratchers
1. My dislike of camping. I like nature, I just don't want to sleep outside.
2. Video games, I just don't stand the obsession.

Deal Breakers:

1. Back hair. Superficial, I know, but I don't mean a little patch at the base of the spine or a neck scruff that goes down below the collar, I mean a full-on carpet of back hair that you can braid. I tried to date a guy with that once and the first time we did it I almost threw up. He kept his shirt on, but I swear I could have braided it through his shirt.

2. Any guy who says "bros before hos" without a trace of irony. That's just not cool, and does not generally reflect a healthy respect for women.

3. If a guy hits my dog. No freaking way. The guy with back hair smacked my dog once for just playing to rough. That was the last straw there. I can't tolerate cruelty to animals and I have a suspicion that it means he'll do the same to a chick if she pisses him off.

Headscratchers:

About him: My husband HATES to read. the only book I've ever seen him read was "The Kid Stays in the Picture," and only then because we were on a 12 hour train ride and his iPod was busted and he had nothing else to do. I've tried and tried to get him good books, but no dice.

About me: I think I'm the first girl my husband has ever been with who doesn't look like a supermodel. Now, I'm no hag, but I also don't look like freaking Charlize Theron, which is what most of his exes look like. Plus I'm not exactly the most domestic person you've ever met, and that bugs him--his mom was like supermom.

Deal Breakers:

1) Not caring about the environment.

2) Being closed minded--and by that I mean not open to my radical, mystical philosophies. By extension, this means anyone (and sadly, this attitude seems to be especially prevalent among men in this culture) who holds the futurist, mechanistic "Science and Technology can solve everything, and must be carried on by any means necessary" worldview.

3) Not understanding the difference between intelligence and wisdom.

So yeah...I'm never getting laid.

Deal Breakers:

1.) She's giving it up to another guy...in the butt. Bad enough to get cheated on, but finding out she's doing things with him that she never ever would do with you? That's going to keep you up nights. Do yourself a favor: convince yourself that it never happened with you because you were just too big.

2.) Catching him/her compromising a method of birth control. Don't think about it. Don't talk about it. Just take your shit and leave. The narcissism and disregard for rational thought necessary to do such a thing pretty much guarantees you've found the shallowest end of the gene pool. At this point, it's probably a good idea to take a few laps before diving in again.

3.) Abandons you when you're sick. Nothing doing. Get better. Then get lost.

Head-scratchers:

1.) My girl does this thing where we download an entire season of a show, then she watches the whole thing while I'm working and complains when I want to go back and watch an episode. Anyone else have to deal with this?

2.) Swallowing. Is it really that bad? Come on. What do you think I'm doing in between swipes of the tongue? You'll eat the weirdest thing you can find on the chinese buffet, but not the love butter of your one and only? That's harsh.

Deal breakers:
1) Uses the bathroom in front of me. I don't care how long we've been together, that's not cool.

2) Doesn't clean out the lint trap. You could start a fire, jackass!

3) Dismisses all fantasy/sci-fi books/movies as lesser than other forms of literature/entertainment.

Head scratches:

1) Likes little dogs. They're not dogs, they're cats that bark. Give me a shepard or lab any day.

Diana: I do see what you mean, and I do just think sometimes when I'm not in the mood to read, about life in general or whatever is going on with me at the time but there is a limit. I'm the type of person who, if I know I will be traveling for more than a half hour, will bring something to read. Staying inside my brain for a long time is odd to me. But different strokes I suppose. :)

Lets assume things like racist and abusive are givens...

Dealbreakers:
1. Texting while driving
2. Pretention
3. You hate my friends

Headscratchers:
1. Texting
2. Not having the attention span to sit through "The Big Lebowski"

Really? Have you met most women? Because I have to say, most women are pains in the ass, and not at all enjoyable. Probably explains why I'm not a lesbian.

Uh, no, I haven't met most women. Don't have that much time on my hands. Sure, there are probably many who are assy, but that's missing the point. I'm a woman - why would I want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't like women? It's doomed from the start. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation for me. I love men. I like talking to them, I like looking at them, I like laughing with them, I just like them. If I hated them, I'm thinking it's pretty difficult to maintain a relationship with one.

Yea on you, Some Guy!!

There is a girl in one of my classes who refuses to say A Streetcar Named Desire. She always says "Streetcar". No matter what the context or reason for saying it.

They made a musical in the Simpsons called "Streetcar!" and as near as I can tell it was awesome.

"Stella! Stella! Can'tcha hear me yella?! You're puttin' me through hella! Stellla. Stella!"

Deal Breakers:

1) Crocs - they are only cute on kids. Most orthopedic shoes in general are pretty awful, especially on grown ups!

2) I think I would have to cut the relationship off if the man ever wore a thong or leopord print underwear (worse, if they are wearing them with their crocs). The man is not allowed to wear prettier/frillier undergarments than me.

3) You know what? I have never had a date do this, but I live in a big city and use the metro every day, and have seen people clipping their nails, while sitting right next to somebody else! It grosses me out to no end. While I'm very happy that people are concerned about their grooming, the sound of clipping and the thought of airborne bits of a stranger's fingernail makes me shudder. No wonder I go through on of those small bottles of sanitizing gel so quickly!

Head Scratcher:

1) I gave one of my papers to a college boyfriend to edit and when I got it back all it had was one comma. And he was an english major who would later become an editor at the school paper!! My writing usually needs a hell of a lot more than an extra comma during proofreading.

2) While I am normally a coherent gal, sometimes if I'm tired and haven't eaten in more than a few hours, I get very confused and disoriented. My boyfriend always gets irritated because I ramble at that point and am incapable of making small decisions (where to go eat, what to do that night, etc...) My cute eccentricities at that point just become weird, annoying tics.

Okay here's my chance to add my 50 cents.

Dealbreakers:

1) Being a member of the Conservative Party...I can't do it...Stephen Harper is the Devil...I can accept every other political bent but this one.

2) Homophobia - Love me...love my fags...cause if they don't like a guy in my life it becomes difficult for him to remain as well. They have better/more impartial taste than I do.

3) Bad with Animals - You'd never believe it but I'm a farm girl and we always had a zoo going on growing up. I like having pets around and couldn't stay with someone who didn't like that or was mean to them. This might be why between us the Dude and I have four cats and a dog so far.

4) Drinking Cheap/American beer - I'm Canadian...and the Labatt's commercial summed it up if you want to drink water...just drink water.

5) Inability to eat spicy food - Wimpy taste buds need not apply...I used to take guys to this little Sri Lankan place I was a regular at to test them. They would never serve me anything less than 'Indian hot' not the Gringo Special version of hot.

Headscratchers (With the Dude)

1) Not drinking beer but enjoying Wild Turkey...I just don't get it.

2) Not eating salad...at all...ever.

3) Not getting why it's important to remove socks pre-nookie...*shudder*

Dealbreakers:
1) Social conservativism (especially being very religious--either you worry about me going to hell or you don't, and either is disturbing)
2) Too much/not enough PDA--you don't need to claim me in public, but nor do you need to act like I have leprosy
3) Substance abuse problem
4) Infidelity goes with out saying--cheating on me or with me, I'm not going to like it

Headscratchers:
1)Smoker
2)Kids
3)Exclusively mainstream music/movie/literature tastes

Ha ha. These are all so great. Honestly I think all my dealbreakers were covered.
1. I know that I could never be with anyone who used poor grammar. It drives me up a wall. I have been nicknamed the "Grammarian" with my friends (might be my headscratcher for a potential guy)
2. I have no desire to be with someone who doesn't want to travel. My sister married a guy who told her he wanted to travel the world. I think he meant the world of the USA. And only by car. No thanks.
3. Guys who don't understand my humor. I am snarky. I will say anything to make someone laugh (it's my best and worst quality) and so if a guy looks at me like I am the worst human being alive, then no thanks. Don't need that.
4. Has to share my religious beliefs. I understand that a lot of you don't believe in organized religion but it's one of the biggest parts of my life so having him share that is very important. In fact, that should be number one.
5. Guys who won't talk about themselves...how do you expect me to get to know you!

headscratchers:
1. I had a boyfriend that when he sat down and lifted his arms above his head his shirt would ride up to his nipple area. He never pulled it down and he was EXTREMELY hairy. I would always look over and ARGH! There's the belly again. He wore his shirts WAY too short. Couldn't he feel the draft?
2. Guys who have no rhythm and yet still think they are the best dancer that ever lived. Just accept it.

Dealbreakers

1. Physical, emotional and verbal abuse.

2. Addiction to drugs or liquor.

3. Men who keep telling me how wonderful I am and put me on a pedestal. Doesn't make me feel human.

4. Men who stare intensely all the time. Its freakin' creepy.

Dealbreakers:

1. Thinks I'm going to step into his mother's role and do everything for him

2. Less intelligent than me. Clarification: I don't care if he never had a day's education in his life, but there has to be an intellectual match for a relationship to work

3. Isn't into music

4. Supports the death penalty

5. The dog thing again: I will always choose the loyal four-legged one over you so back off now if you can't deal with it.

Headscratchers:

1. Doesn't understand my love for Pajiba

2. Mr. PaddyDog spends hours watching the Military Channel: what's up with that?

3. It doesn't matter if we're running really late for something very important (like a dinner for work where he has to give a speech and can't be seen to come in late) and he's been yelling for 15 minutes about how we have to go now and I'm jeopardizing his whole career, if I offer a BJ, suddenly he has all the time in world. Will someone please explain this?

Dealbreakers:

1. Thinks I'm going to step into his mother's role and do everything for him

2. Less intelligent than me. Clarification: I don't care if he never had a day's education in his life, but there has to be an intellectual match for a relationship to work

3. Isn't into music

4. Supports the death penalty

5. The dog thing again: I will always choose the loyal four-legged one over you so back off now if you can't deal with it.

Headscratchers:

1. Doesn't understand my love for Pajiba

2. Mr. PaddyDog spends hours watching the Military Channel: what's up with that?

3. It doesn't matter if we're running really late for something very important (like a dinner for work where he has to give a speech and can't be seen to come in late) and he's been yelling for 15 minutes about how we have to go now and I'm jeopardizing his whole career, if I offer a BJ, suddenly he has all the time in world. Will someone please explain this?

Apologies in advance if this double-posts. I'm having Internet problems.

Dealbreakers:
1. If a guy's out of shape himself but makes nasty comments about any fat woman, or about me if I gain an ounce.
2. Prejudice. I was once stuck in a car with a guy who went on a 15 minute rant about "n******s" and then asked me out. I'm half black. WTF?
3. Whining. I just can't stand it, period.

Headscratcher: Dungeons and Dragons. OK, I get it if you're in high school, maybe in college, but by the time you've got your master's, shouldn't you have found something better to do?

Dealbreakers:

1. The expression on a person's face when they're just in their thoughts and don't notice if anyone's looking at them tells A LOT about them. And if her "default" expression is sour and pouty, she's probably not a very good person. And that doesn't mean a "bad-day", or worried, or sad expression. Trust me, I know the difference.

2. If she's willing to tolerate my wanting to be a recording artist, but deep down doesn't think I'll succeed and is sure I'm going to college soon. Or that I should be.

3. If she thinks that meeting me halfway on ANYTHING means compromising her personality and principles.

Had to add a fourth- If she's against "childish" or low-brow humor and doesn't think a mature person can enjoy that.

Headscratchers (regarding my current relationship):

1. She's not friends with planning ahead. Almost against it, really. I try to attribute it to quirks. But it's hard.

2. She's a Scorpio and I'm a Virgo. I've heard it's bad...

Last thing- I'm very very critical, especially of music. Petty, sometimes. But I've realised that if I'm going to be like that with other people's tastes, I'll NEVER find someone. Of course it's fun to share music that you like with your SO. If we don't, it bothers me, but honestly, only a little.

Dealbreakers:

1) Wanting to get married.

2) Wanting kids.

3) Ugly feet.

Headscratchers:

1) Wanting to hang around with a misanthropic loser like me.

2) Wearing sandals even when it's quite obvious those ugly feet weren't meant for sandals, or even peep-toe pumps for that matter.

I kid, I kid - love is for suckers.

Grace- true. :)

Geez, so many people in the "Must Love Dogs" corner.

I'm utterly, utterly screwed aren't I?

Dealbreakers:
1. Stupidity - You need to at least know who the hell is "running" the country. You also must possess the ability to carry on an intelligent conversion for longer than 2 minutes. Also cannot start every I loathe stupidity and cannot tolerate it for longer than 2 minutes.

2. Laziness - Don't be frickin' lazy.

3. Cheating/Lying - I will not tolerate either of these.

Headscratchers

1. He washes the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. That is what they are made for!!

2. I wonder sometimes why he puts up with me and the OCD tendencies that I have.

Riaronie... thank you. however, I think most of these people use this site to be such pompous asses, is because they are generally too insecure to be so in real life. I would assume that they never voice any of this crap to their significant other... never have, never will. These are the people that don't make eye contact with you as you pass them on the street. A keyboard and some anonymity go a long way.

And what's all this shite about the non-readers. I work in publishing, I read all goddam day long. One of the last things I'm going to do at the end of the day is pick up a book. Does that make me any less intelligent? Maybe I prefer audio or visual stimulation... maybe i prefer to roll down a hill. christ, chatting it up with you nerds makes me ever so grateful to be a musician.

Deal Breakers

Someone who doesn't read for pleasure. I was with someone for four years and magazines were the most substantial reading material he would peruse. I would read on average a book every other week, but I never had the opportunity to share the best of these literary finds with him. That was a real bummer.

Intelligence. I cannot be with someone that can't synthesize information and articulate their ideas well. I've done it before and now that I know there are men out there that appreciate my smarts and enjoy discussing everything from abstract themes to current events, I'll never settle for less again.

Being a wishy washy feeler. I've been with men that cry easier than I do and start fights or go silent at the slightest offense, usually taken out of context, because they're overemotional and not able to objectively assess a situation. Instead they let their emotions dominate and calm, rational discussion becomes impossible.

Those who are religious or conservative. I'm a far left leaning atheist. While I don't believe it's impossible for people with conflicting religious or political views to get along, I cannot date someone whose beliefs are that divergent from mine. I'm more than happy to be friends with them, but there's no chance for romantic involvement.

Guys shorter than I am. If you ask my Mr. Man, he'll tell you: I am short. And if you're shorter, it's just not going to work.

Head Scratchers
My weird ones: I have an inability to associate music with a time period in my life. Mr. Man can tell you exactly where he was, with whom, what they were doing and the year if you give him a song. It baffles him to no end that my brain doesn't work like his. I also don't know song and band titles. Again, baffling to him.

I'm also late for everything because I lose track of time. I was born in a household that didn't really time manage, just threw out a time, say 3:00, that was code for any time between 3:00 and 4:00. You had to specify if you wanted someone to be on time. Drives him batty.

His weird ones: Any time we go out to a bar Mr. Man refuses to drink the bottom inch of any beverage he consumes. Something about how Frank Sinatra never finished a drink or how it's warm or has become backwash by that point? I've heard all the excuses, but it still baffles both servers and me alike.

He used to watch four hours of Star Trek every single day. I say used to because he stopped after he had run through the entire series, not season, of Star Trek Next Generation and Enterprise. He also watches an alarming amount of crime and political procedurals, including a shit ton of CSI. Having taken classes in forensics, I like to get all flustered and incredulous when they do fantastical things that are unrealistic. He just pats my head, I go back to my crossword and leave him to his fluff TV.

Erica O. - It's Voyager not Enterprise! Sheesh! Even I never got into Enterprise. That one takes place when they had pretty much just discovered warp technology. Hardly worth my time. The geek comes out!!!

Thank you PaddyDog, your faith in me is astounding. I definitely can live with dogs, as long as the owner doesn't expect me to find their humping of my leg as "cute".

As far as the people who don't understand why "not reading" is a deal breaker I'll try and explain why it is for me.

Incidentally: when I refer to people who don't read I am talking they literally haven't got through anything longer than a magazine since half way through high-school.

I read constantly. If I'm anywhere beyond half way through a book I have to carry another with me just in case I get stuck in an avalanche and finish the one I have leaving me with nothing to get lost in. I read every night before bed, if I can help it. Not being able to makes me crazy, I once dated a devout "non reader" (unless it was the biography of some dead General - I feel ya re: the Military channel thing by the way PaddyDog, believe me) who would get pissed at me when I refused to switch off the light until I finished a chapter (and before I'm called a whiny shrew may I point out that we stayed with each other every single night so it's not like I was spoiling a Very Romantic Evening with my selfishness or anything) and it really made a difference because he just couldn't understand where I was coming from.

I want to discuss what I'm reading, to explain the feel and the flow of the words, to compare the central characters to people I've known. I want to explain how I feel the author has developed since the last book, which characters have been recycled ad which ones have been put in so that the author can properly do them justice this time. It's not a matter of intelligence differences but the people I know who just don't read look at me blankly when I talk about unreliable narration and how it changes the feel of a story.

The books people read are like the albums they love, personal recommendations tell you so much about a person. And I want to share the works I've enjoyed, I'm always pressing piles of books into my friends' hands and they do the same to me - if I couldn't convince my SO to share something that important to me because they "don't read" then that would really affect me, and I love it when someone can share something they've really valued with me.

Call me snobby, pseudo-intellectual or pretentious all you like. But I've dated people who don't share my essential beliefs and unless they're willing to try the things I love (and likewise me for them - I've spent countless Saturdays watching godawful football matches in the cold because it was important to the ex Mr. The Odd) then it just isn't going to work.

And that is why "not reading" is a deal breaker for me.

ATO's booklove reminded me of this incident-

The Dealbreaker I Never Thought of Until It Happened to Me:
He claimed that books were unsanitary. As in, I invited him up to my apartment and he took a look around and said, "Nice place, but don't you think all those old books are unsanitary?"
I calmly suggested that we go for ice-cream, got him out of the building, and that was the end of that. Because, seriously? That one little question revealed more issues than I was interested in exploring. Old? Unsanitary? My fucking pride and joy? Oh, hell no.

Dealbreakers
1- Rudeness
2- funky teeth. I don't mind so much crooked teeth, but discoloration troubles me.
3- Non-tippers

Head Scratchers
long-winded storytelling that never gets to the point.

Mick, exactly. I enjoy reading a great deal, but music stirs my soul in a way that words never could.

sorry, in #2 above, it should read "sexual preference" not "sexual prejudice". Too many snack sized kit kats today....

Dealbreakers

1. Smokers
2. Republicans/Libertarians
3. Non-reader (or reads crap)

Headscratchers

1. 1st wife was a libertarian. Ayn Rand-spouting, ACLU-worshiping type.

2. 2nd wife is a psychotherapist.

Dealbreakers:

1. Any affection and/or patronage of Ann Coulter.
2. Anti-choice.
3. Not well-read.

Headscratchers:

1. Obsession with all things sports-related.
2. Secret love for Dashboard Confessional.

Dealbreakers:

1) No concept of personal space. When coming to my house to hang out with me...there needs to be a couch cushion between you and I. Once you sit down on the couch cushion adjacent to the one I'm on without a personal invitation, you better believe that I'm just biding time until I can politely ask you to leave. And then you'll never hear from me again. What can I say, its a quirk. But I am so serious about it.

2) Anyone who watches anything on MTV. At this point, there is absolutely NO redeeming programming on that network.

3) Bad teeth. I read a comment by a lady who said that she didn't think it right that people used that as a dealbreaker, because often people cannot afford to fix their teeth. And I agree with that....for me, bad teeth is more about teeth that don't look like they are properly cared for on a daily basis. If they look filmy, or I can see plaque build-up, or if there are teeth missing (particularly in the front)...it's a no-go.

4) Short. I think the way I feel about short men is similar to the way some guys feel about "fat chicks". The attraction is just 0.

5) Judgmental. Can't stand self-righteous types at all.

6) Rude to waitstaff or other service people. I will NOT be impressed, and that will be our last date. That tells me that you have absolutely NO class. Disgusting.

7) Guys who constantly have to be the center of attention (exception: if you actually DO make me laugh). I hate people (male or female) that need lots of attention--they are too high-maintenance.

8) An inability or unwillingness to debate a topic. I absolutely love to debate/discuss, esp. religion, politics, current events, whatever. I hate it when people act like you can't talk about things like that. You believe in it/voted for it...now explain why.

9) People full of nervous energy. I like to kick back and relax, and I can't do that when the person I'm with can't sit still.
Headscratchers:

1) Being a stickler about dates; i.e. our anniversary, your birthday, etc. If you want me to remember your birthday, you will do well to remind me. Otherwise, you will probably be disappointed. Personally, I don't make a big deal when someone forgets my birthday...unless you're my mom or my dad, you weren't there to witness the event. That's the only reason one should remember a birthday, in my estimation. Otherwise, I'm getting mad at you simply for not committing a random date to memory. Just seems silly.

2) People who don't read. Ah, the joy of reading!

Wow, I could never borrow anything from you then Bob! Because I carry at least one book on me at a time they tend to live in the depths of my bag and anything in my bag gets trashed - whether it's from broken eyeliner pencils, leaking pens or just the grime of the London underground. In fact a large chunk of my literary collection comes from me borrowing a book from someone and then feeling so guilty about the state of it that I've bought them a new copy afterwards.

Personally, I hate books looking all new and pristine, don't get me wrong - if it was a first edition and someone scrawled all over it I'd pitch a fucking fit, books were made to be read and loved - when it comes to my collection I dog ear pages, I underline passages, I crease spines.

My comics are an entirely different matter though.

Hey, this discussion is one of the most valuable I've read in Pajiba. I'm really digging the turn-offs / dealbreakers and all, so I can, say, "evaluate" my own possibilities here. But I'd like to pose a few scenarios:

- I am a straight male in my early 30s, and I'm very - VERY - unwilling to accept the usual female insanity. Been there, done that, enough for me. You girls know what I mean, no need to get all worked up. Someone else, a woman, even commented before about how she thinks women are usually crazy and all, and I do try hard not to be a mysogynist at times. I got three "best friends" and two of them are women (with respective boyfriends) whose company I truly enjoy. That being said:

- I don't read a lot of books. It's more like two a year. I do, however, read an awful lot of magazines, internet articles (from respectable places, like Pajiba itself) and I'll engage in long conversations about anything. Considering that I have a sympathy for books anyway and just don't have enough time or enough good tips on stuff that would be of my interest... would that be a real dealbreaker *every single time*?

- I love film. I don't enjoy going to the movies all the time, because people are generally stupid and will ruin the experience. I never got the appeal in "Big Lebowski" and "Punch-Drunk Love" (or whatever the name is, I can't remember now), but I'd love to sit by them again, alongside a nice woman (or a friend) who is willing to explain it, so I could come to enjoy it. Does not loving those films make me unelligible at all times? Really?

- My English is not perfect, but... Surprise, I'm a foreigner who happens to know English as a self-taught second language (and even got a third). I have a pretty obvious accent and I'll probably pronounce things in a weird way from time to time. I tend to make a few mistakes in spoken English too. Can I ever get away with that?

- I must say I have been amazed at the superficiality of women in general in the place where I live. Now, after reading all this, even the term "superficiality" strikes me differently. In my part of the world, women can only think about stupid TV, shoes and fashionism in all its flavors. Most will simply dump guys for being way smarter then they - women - are willing to be. But now I can also see women in other places will dump men just because guys do not attend very specific "tastes" or other extremely shallow aspects of life. I swear it sounds ridiculous to me.

Now, isn't all of the above any food for thought, especially considering the questions at the end of the paragraphs? Please, don't take this as offensive or as any kind of angry confrontation. It is what it is.

Personal Dealbreakers:

1. Unaccepting of where I'm from or my past. I don't have a squeaky clean past. I've done quite a few drugs (not anymore though), I have been in love with both men and women, I have been in physical fights and am not afraid to defend myself with physical force because if I hadn't in the past I would probably be dead or disabled.

2. Can't keep up with me. This means socially and sexually. I LOVE sex! I like to go out pretty much every other weekend but if I'm staying in I like to be doing something/someone.

3. Rude/abusive. This means to everyone, my family, friends, waiter, the garbage man. You could be the sweetest person to me but if you show rude or abusive tendancies I am gone.

4. Clingy. I know there is only supposed to be 3 dealbreakers but I'm a rulebreaker.
I cannot stand it when someone who is trying to be your S.O. gets so possessive/obsessive they need to know where you are and what your doing and who your talking to and what your thinking. By the way I HATE the questions "What are you thinking about right now?" It just seems so intrusive and it annoys me to no end. It's my fucking head, STAY OUT!!!
On another note I do like being asked what I think about something in particular.

Headscratchers:

1. I like watching and playing and talking about and coaching hockey. I know it gets annoying when me and my sister get together and yell at the players on our favorite team about what they are doing wrong then get ridiculously excited/sad when our team wins or loses. Please just bear with me, it only lasts two-three hours.

2. I once dated a guy for a year and a half who loved my feet. I have tiny feet and he couldn't get over them! He would always want to touch them or have them in his face while having sex. I didn't leave him over it but it was kinda wierd.

Dealbreaker:
1. making me think i'm not good enough. i'm pretty strong (willed and personally) one guy did it to me once, it took me forever to bounce back from and it simply won't ever happen again. i refuse to sacrifice who i am, the basic things that make me me, for anyone. it doesn't matter how much i love that person.
2. infidelity. if i can resist temptation, i don't think it's too much to ask that my partner does the same.
3. those who are easily bored. get a hobby, a second job, a personality cause i don't want to hear about how there is nothing to do or that you're bored.

headscrathers:
1. excessively loud burping. i swear my boyfriend will one day throw up from burping. when it happens i will be there to say "i told you so"
2. eating copious amounts of food--while LOSING weight. how can he possibly eat the entire casserole, pan of taco meat, chicken, tub of cottage cheese, box of spaghetti, bag of candy...? where does it go?? probably explains the excessively loud burping, though.
3. i also love when i tell the man that i'm going to be home late from work and he replys, "don't worry, i can make myself dinner." i always remind him that he could perhaps make something for the two of us, so i could then eat when i get home--even if it is really late. but, then again, i forget that he'll eat it all himself, so that's a stupid request. nevermind.

wow...late to the game on this one.
dealbreakers:
(1) proselytizing of any sort. reasoned argument is one thing... "fearing" for my eternal soul is another.
(2) lack of even a passing interest in foreign cultures, world languages, or current events outside of the u.s.
(3) could never have been described as a "nerd"

headscratchers:
(1) the wife eats like a third-grader (most of the time)
(2) how the hell she still lets me hang around with her

dealbreakers (not in order of importance):
1) Smokers -- sorry, but I once kissed a guy after he smoked a cigarette and it tasted horrible
2) Arrogance
3) A desire to control/micromanage me

headscratchers:
1) Poor spelling and grammar
2) Doesn't like coffee

Dealbreakers:

1) thinks that Canada is part of the States, and that since I speak French I am French. I am French-Canadian Dammit. You're not English and you speak English. Get it???

2) cannot appreciate a good meal and a nice glass of wine. Guy once told me that eating was a waste of time. Out!

3) Close-Minded. You don't have to agree, but keep your mind open, you never know what you might learn.

headscratchers

1) you're broke but you bought a plasma TV. 100 easy payments...WTF??

2) veggies are rabbit food.

Sooo, I'm a chick, and there's plenty of stuff on here that would get my tits in a twitter if I decided to be upset about it. But I don't. Why? Because no one said "Hey Bees- Your face? that's a dealbreaker." Why are people taking this fun little thread so seriously?

Dealbreakers:
1.) First date brags to me about the "hos" he keeps in check who'd better not "check up on" him. Seriously, dude?
2.) Doesn't. Ever. Want. To do. ANYTHING. I've tried volunteering to pay, researching lectures on things he felt strongly about that were happening nearby, even promising sex-al-fresco. He'd rather just "hang," complaining how nothing good's on tv.
3.) Cruelty. Not snark, not "in a bad mood." Just nonchalantly used to berating and cutting-down girls you date. It hurts. I don't like.

Headscratchers:

1.) Loves trashy looking chicks. I can't even get jealous, because I couldn't look like that if I tried, but I just don't get how you could ogle those 36DDD's that just walked past and then turn around tell me how cute my little button nose is. And truly mean it. Guys are weird.

2.) Dresses badly. Here's how I feel- I promise not to try to make you wear something that makes you uncomfortable if you promise not to try to wear something that would make me uncomfortable to admit to dating you. Deal?

Good; gimme kiss!

1.) tighty-whitey wearers...i've dumped people before for this & i'll do it again.

2.) eating loudly and/or with mouth open...i will punch you in the face.

3.) bad kissers...there's just no hope if the kiss isn't compatible.

Deal-Breakers.

1. Poor vocabulary, disinterest in reading, misspellings, poor grammar. If you send me a text message that says, "i cant w8 to c u 2nite!" you probably won't see me tonight.

2. Not willing to try new foods/travel to new places/get on an airplane/try to pronounce strange foreign word. We won't have anything to talk about, sorry.

3. Infidelity of any sort, trying to play the field while keeping me as the BEST one, the one you want to MARRY, all those other girls are just, you know, FUN.

Headscratchers:

1. My current guy is fantastic and wonderful, but he has severe OCD tendencies. We wash dishes immediately, the sinks are never dirty, he's instituted a no-shoes rule in *my* apartment. It's fine, I mean, now I have a very clean apartment, but...dude, chill. He also won't share food with anyone besides me and won't allow me to share with anyone but him.

2. One bf wouldn't take a nap anywhere but on the bed, in his underwear. If I fell asleep, say, on the couch, in my jeans, he was very confused. Why would I DO that? That's not how you're supposed to nap.

3. I am an omnivore. He's an aspiring vegan, with the one glaring exception of (his native) Persian food, which is extremely delicious ... and not at all vegan. I think it's endearing and I support his culinary ideals, but it can get annoying when I want to eat a non-vegan, say, French dish and get a lecture about the dangers of the omnivorous diet, when he just inhaled 4 kabobs, which are exempted because they are Persian.

Of course being abusive, bigoted, and/or unfaithful are all automatic dealbreakers. So instead, my more specialized dealbreakers are:

1). Ordering something cringeworthy on a menu- like egg fu yung or well-done steak. Also, if the olive garden, applebees, red lobster, blah blah blah is your favorite restaurant ever.

2). Really liking Dane Cook or the Family Guy or Larry the Cable Guy. Sorry, you just don't meet my "has a sense of humor" requirement.

3). Going shirtless and wearing paint to sporting events.

Head scratchers:
4). vegetarians/ vegan guys: I've dated a few of these (damn hipsters), and I've always found them to be pretentious and jerky. Maybe that's just the hipster...

5). Socks with shorts. But like every guy seems to think this is OK fashion, so I don't really have a choice.

Dealbreakers (besides the obvious ones - abuser, cheater, creeper in general):

1) Won't stand up to his family. The ex's family used to talk trash about me RIGHT IN FRONT of me, because apparently Spanish is a "secret language" that no one but them could possibly understand. He never defended me.

2) Picky and unadventurous. I love to cook new and exotic foods, and he better at least try them!

3) Will never consider having children. No I don't want them tomorrow, but I will want them someday.

Headscratchers

1) The current S.O. is really, REALLY into to comic books and anime, which I pretty much hate. He's also ultra liberal and I swing more to the right so things get interesting...

2) (for him) I shamefully watch MTV shows ALL. THE. TIME. Super Sweet Sixteen? Yes please! The Hills? TEAM LAUREN. Crap, my secret shame is now public knowledge!

Dear Matt,

I'm a woman, and I look terrible with short hair.

Love,
PJ

Deal-breakers:
1. bad teeth-- if you smile and it's all jacked up, that's a no go for me.
2. doesn't like dogs (or at least some type of animal). i just think there is something wrong with someone that doesn't like an animal of some kind.
3. no sense of humor-- not that it is hard, but if you can't make me laugh... you're out!

Head-scratchers:
1. my husband, love him dearly, is really outdoorsy (a hunter) and athletically talented. i like to read and have a hard time walking. we are perfect opposites of the spectrum

I had to read each and every comment! Wow. I
have a lot of the same as aboves .. maybe a
few not mentioned.
Dealbreakers:
1. Has never suffered or had it the least bit
difficult. Cannot relate. We'll never be
able to.
2. Can't admit to being wrong or apologize. We
are all wrong sometimes.
3. Those who are not aware that they may
easily become what they despise.

Headscratcher:
Crossdressing. Well, I married him but I
didn't know. Silly me.

There is only one:
Madonna Fan