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Creative Silliness and Really Short Stories

By Mrs. Julien | Comment Diversions | September 21, 2013 | Comments ()


Alexander Skarsgard
Everybody fell in the water on the doorknobs.

I said that yesterday. It made sense in context, but I am quite certain no one has ever uttered that specific combination of words before. This week’s diversion comes from the Pajiba wayback machine and everyone’s favourite Overlord, Dustin Rowles: Please write a sentence no one has ever written before, such as

  • The listless bubbles exacerbated her depression.
  • I changed someone’s opinion on the Internet today.
  • I artichoked a ukelele hamster! - (The Penguins of Madagascar)

Think you’re fancy? If this suggestion is a trifle, a bauble, a mere bag of shells intellectually speaking, then Quartermain and Ernest Hemingway have a suggestion for you along the lines of “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Please write an original sentence that can double as an extremely short story:

  • He paused, but his shadow continued limping along the wall.
  • She always had been so easily managed that he did not know what to make of the knife’s sudden appearance.
  • Lunging at the third man, the hitherto superfluous kangaroo entered the fray.
Comment diversion suggestions, licentious invitations, and chimney sweeps can be sent here.



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • BlackRabbit

    As he stood over the bodies of blood-mad Vikings and dead aliens, his machine gun smoking, Lieutenant Whitechapel finally understood what they'd meant by "time bombs."

  • Morgan_LaFai

    Life is always fair.

  • Morgan_LaFai

    When Kozar the Kozarian went up against The House of Quark, all thought the giantess would be laid low but the underdog did not win.

  • Morgan_LaFai

    As she stared at the tic tac toe board she realized her life was dependent on choosing correct: would it be x or o?

  • Morgan_LaFai

    Gods damn Swedish people; there furniture is so good and yet I am too broke to buy any of it.

  • Gord Reid

    As the dust settled, a bewildered Jalissa was left wondering if the blood on her lips was hers, the boy's, or the dog's.

  • pandapants

    Get the goat and live my dream.

  • BlackRabbit

    Iron wills and vast intellects dancing like a hurricane of butterflies, Neil Gaiman and Lindsay Lohan at last locked eyes and started the battle that would decide the fate of mankind.

  • blacksred

    And the Emmy goes to Here comes Honey Boo Boo

  • Maguita NYC

    ... No!

  • Tone has officially taken a turn for the apocalyptic.

  • ceebee

    The silky feel and soapy taste of deodorant on his lips was arousing and off-putting...he dove in for another go.

    *inspired by the greatest love story never told: Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart's armpit*

  • Parker Jammstein

    "This penguin tastes like shit," said the rabbi as the midget servant's tears stained the cobblestone floor.

  • DamnItJerry

    He saw the final image of her in a bubble; it popped.

  • Calamity

    The last thought he had before he changed, was how undignified it would be to be undead while wearing speedos.

  • Jack London

    On Thursday all the plants spoke French and voted to secede from the garden, but otherwise it was a normal week.

  • Zirza

    The sartorially-challenged quintoped hadn't eaten his banana bread before the chrysanthemums started to melt.
    EDIT: Brilliant. My fifth-year students have a writing test coming up and I'm totes setting this as a task for them tomorrow.

  • Under the heading of Sentences No One Has Used Before: "Look, I find you ALL incredibly attractive, but the fact is that I'm highly allergic and SOMEONE in this paddleboat has tigers."

  • Some days, it's really difficult to put leggings on a poodle.

  • To the umpire's delight, a court of absinthe-addled swans ruled his call unconscious, handing the game back to The Corduroy Bandits and ensuring that the coveted Textile Cup would remain dry.

  • Quatermain

    Sounds like color commentary for a game of Calvinball.

  • I went back and forth a bit on whether Swan Court would rule the call unconscious, indifferent or beige. What is Calvinball?

  • Quatermain

    Only the greatest game in the known universe! The unofficial official rules can be found here: http://www.bartel.org/calvinba...

  • Captain_Tuttle

    Grandma always said, "you'll find sympathy in the dictionary between shit and sorrow;" she smacked me the time I sang the alphabet to her in response.

  • Mrcreosote

    The final episode wasn't worth the slaughter.

  • Maguita NYC

    Every Red Wedding is worth its salt in slaughter.

  • Maguita NYC

    We assume responsibility for our national Fucknuckles.

  • emmalita

    Said no country ever.

  • unpious

    Despite her best efforts, the flamingos kept running.

  • Captain_Tuttle

    And the roseate spoonbills fled en masse.

  • sapper

    The salad gnomes wrote home after they sliced the tomato with a pitchfork.

  • L.O.V.E.

    All those kisses with mistresses were like so many dishes with puffer fishes; so delicious but pernicious - the Mrs. grew suspicious - the inevitable false move proved cutting and vicious.

  • emmalita

    I would read this book.

  • The pugs just slept there, letting me eat my Mint Milanos in peace.

  • Anne At Large

    My bleary pre-coffee eyes read "pope" instead of "pugs". Not sure what to make of that.

  • emmalita

    Such an unlikely occurrence.

  • Captain_Tuttle

    The pugs prefer the double chocolate?

  • emmalita

    Dog + food of any sort = intense interest. I'll amend that. I trained my former roomate's dog not to beg for food by slipping her bits of tofu. How's that for an unlikely sentence.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    That is an awesome sentence. (though I'm wondering if subsequent dog farts helped train your roommate to stop her dog from begging for food)

  • emmalita

    Dogs are smart. She learned not ask me for food. Everyone else was fair game. :)

  • Mrs. Julien

    "I can't leave the house with this ass." Me, circa 1999

  • Uriah_Creep

    Oh, come on now, your date wasn't that bad.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Shall I try the veal?

    I'd kill to have that ass back.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I'm sorry, Mrs. J., I think he got married.

    (I'm commited to this bit.)

  • Why, in Chichester, of all topiaries, do you elect to read the Australian Dictionary betwixt the calves of your once-beloved?

  • AvaLehra

    One sentence story:
    I love you, and for that I am sorry.

    For the sentence never said, I'm surprised no one has said, "I love Nickelback!" or something akin to that.

  • ceebee

    That's because too many people have said that.
    One of them being my husband. We all make our concessions for love. Some marry alcoholics. Some marry compulsive gamblers. I married a Nickelback fan.

  • Maguita NYC

    Love is blind. You poor thing... I'm quite sure there are support groups for women in your situation.

  • emmalita

    I almost married an unironic Neil Diamond fan, I feel your pain and hope he/she makes up for it in other ways.

  • Zirza

    My favourite six-word story is by Margaret Atwood: "Longed for him. Got him. Shit."

  • AvaLehra

    Nice! Reminds me of when someone says, "No matter how cute he/she is, someone is putting up with their shit"

  • Maguita NYC

    IF YOU DO NOT CRAP UP AND DIE BY TOMORROW MORNING, SO HELP ME GODTOPUS, I AM GETTING THE BIG BAR-B-Q LIGHTER AND FLAMING THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR YUCKY HAIRY SPOTTED BODY.

  • AvaLehra

    You should see the spider we found in our garage. I amost died.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Still having a spider issue, are we?

  • Maguita NYC

    RIP.

  • Wigamer

    Bastard deserved it.

  • BWeaves

    After being berated by his dieting wife for buying a very large, lemon meringue pie, the man stammered, "But it's good to have one in the house!" like it was a flashlight with extra batteries.

    (Yes, this really happened. My parents are hilarious.)

  • Far beneath the surface of Ol' Man River, the long abandoned washing machine wonders how much longer this exceptionally filthy load is going to take.

  • PDamian

    Gazing wistfully at his classic Trans Am as it bounced and tumbled away into the Nevada desert, Lance attempted to smooth his hair and straighten his rumpled clothing as he wondered what the hell had prompted him to ask the alien prostitute for a 'blow job.'

  • Wigamer

    Lance + Trans Am + alien blow job = perfection.

  • "I love you too," he lied, as he mixed her a drink.

  • sapper

    The salad gnomes wrote home after slicing the tomato with a pitchfork

  • Quatermain

    The Elder God shambled away, clutching it's newly signed copy of the series' latest, and the author sobbed quietly, trapped by the knowledge that it was only a desire 'to see how it all turned out' that kept the eldritch horror from ravaging the globe.

  • Fredo

    Doris, Althea, stand back! I'mma drop down and get my vulture on!

  • guest

    I stared at the last three items in my duffel: a tattered copy of Gaudy Night, a twenty dollar bill with a reddish-black stain, and a TG Freight T-shirt.

  • Lisa Bee

    It would be so much easier to practice smiling in the mirror if this scowling reflection would stop putting itself in my way.

  • emmalita

    The reality of metal bones is not as awesome as one would think after a lifetime of reading comics and science fiction.

  • Wigamer

    Vomiting out the passenger window, two fears occupied him: what was that bitter, gritty substance, and where in God's name were they taking him?

  • Wigamer

    Answers: motor oil & Ikea

  • Guest

    Brooke, did you eat the ass end off of that roast beef? - a thing that was actually said to me. (The answer was no.)

  • Salieri2

    Why not? Roast beeves' ass ends are the best part! I am always the guilty party when they go missing.

  • Mrs. Julien

    "I need some sort of dermal abrasive." Something I have said aloud while showering alone.

  • bastich

    As the world ended, they boogied.

  • miss inga

    Oh my, she said, as she rolled her large glass eye.....

  • Captain_Tuttle

    At what did she roll it?

  • Jill

    Ooh, that made me laugh out loud.

  • ZombieMrsSmith

    The TGV train pulled away from the station before the passengers even knew they desired to go on an adventure.

  • Nieve 'The Threadkiller Queen'

    Ozymandias is a disco dancing, ice cream eating, candy floss making drama queen and Im over his shit.

  • "Next time, I'll splurge on the professional hitman," she sighed as her husband's car pulled into the driveway.

  • "Everybody fell in the water on the doorknobs" - you were watching American Ninja Warrior, weren't you?

  • Mrs. Julien

    Ding! Ding! Ding! I LOVE that show.

  • Maguita NYC

    Urgh. Because of your comments I am now glued to my screen watching this guy miss and fall into a pool, while what I believe to be his gf is crying uncontrollably in the crowd. What have you gotten me into??

  • Mrs. Julien

    Endless entertainment if you're anything like me. Wait til you get to the artist from Philadelphia.

  • Me too.

  • Captain_Tuttle

    Sticking drink umbrellas into styrofoam wreaths always made me feel better after a difficult day.

  • Nikki

    Find a rich successful man and beautiful woman for friendship, fun, love and romance. try___billionairefish.com___the largest billionaire/millionaire club for elite singles and people who'd like to meet them. Have a try and good luck! ^_^

  • Mrs. Julien

    I don't think this sentence is original. Please try again.

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