Pajiba

Ooh, this could be a fun diversion. There are so many to consider...

Not saying "Excuse me" or apologizing when you bump into me/step on the back of my shoe and give me a flat tire/whack me with your purse or shopping bag. Even worse, YOU run into ME and then give ME a dirty look, like I should apologize. It seems like every time I go shopping, someone walking by me does this.

And I always say thank you to everyone, even the kid who bags my groceries for me. I work in retail and it's always nice to be thanked for what you do.

1). People who don't understand that you tip 20%, unless your server was intentionally rude. 20%, folks. Not 10%, not 15%. People live off this money. Servers make, like, $2.50/hour without those tips. So unless you caught him/her hocking a loogy in your spaghetti or he/she told you to fuck off when you asked for a refill, fucking leave a proper tip. It's just good karma.

2). Don't fucking speed up to get by me when you know damn well it would be easier to just let me fucking merge, you asswipes. This goes for New York drivers, DC drivers, Ohio drivers - none of you assholes knows how to fucking merge. Oh look! You're 10 seconds closer to your destination than you would have been if you had let me merge. HERE'S A FUCKING TICKER-TAPE PARADE.

3). Put. Your. Fucking. Cell. Phones. Down. When. You. Are. In. Line. You do not need to be on your phone *for any reason* whilst you order your triple Venti no foam skinny four-pump pumpkin spice latte extravaganza. Oh, you have an important call? Fucking finish your call, THEN get in line. Phone go off in line? Pretty sure that unless you are Barack Obama and Biden's got his finger on the Big Red Button, that call can wait. And if you are, in fact, Mr. President? Dude, let the Secret Service guy grab your cup o'joe.

It all boils down to whether you think of other people as people, or as obstacles. If you get in the habit of thinking of other people as people, courtesy tends to flow of its own accord.

God, I fucking hate rude people. :)

Excellent topic! Some rules I think about regularly:

I just noticed that most of these apply to transportation more than anything else. You see all kinds...

Seriously, sometimes I'm the only one who ever says "thank you" to waitstaff. Or, at least, only others who have worked in the service industry say it. And sometimes even when they have worked service jobs, people don't. Pricks, the lot of 'em.

Ohhh, yes. Yes yes yes. I am an imperfect being, in many ways. But I am motherfucking POLITE. And lord, do I wish I had laser eyes or head-explody to smite those who are not.

Double doors? You use the one on the right. When someone opens their door to go though, you do not swerve over to the left side and push past them.

Groups of people do not, by default, own the entire sidewalk. Move over.

Sitting in the aisle seat on the bus instead of sliding over to the window seat is rude - you are obligating other people to ask you, as if you are doing them a favour.

REPLACE THE LAST ROLL OF T.P.

If someone smiles at you, smile the hell back. Especially if this person is your co-worker or fellow student or is in some other way acquainted.

Oh, and if we are conversing, PUT. THE. PHONE. DOWN.

Why do I go to my overpriced hair salon? BECAUSE THEY DON'T ALLOW YOU TO USE YOUR PHONE IN THE CHAIR. It's glorious. I hate that. Unless you want me to accost you with duct tape, put down the motherfucking phone when you are in a business. The rare, and I do mean rare exception is in the grocery store, when you trying to remember what the fuck else you were supposed to purchase.

I hate Bluetooths. They are for use in the car or at work. They are not for you to walk around in public, talking to yourself like some incompetent jackass who has escaped from the fucking mental institution. I worked retail and holy hairballs, did I develop one irrational level of hatred for improper use of the fucking Bluetooth.

Seriously, be nice to the poor, underpaid person in a retail store. Don't throw shit at them when they tell you that they cannot give you a refund without a receipt. Don't insult them because they haven't told you what you want to hear. I have horror stories.

And driving? Don't be a jackass. Pure and simple.

Groundloop:

A few years ago I was at a friend's house at Christmas and her daughter was opening presents. She opened a box containing an outfit with a return receipt from TJ Max and in front of the gifter, she said "Ugh. TJ Max is cheap. I'm not wearing that". Her mother never even raised an eyebrow of disapproval.

Most (if not all) of my annoyances with people's rudeness come from cellphone use. Let's set some rules:

1) NEVER use your phone while you're checking out or trying to talk to another service person. Fucking rude and you make everyone else in line wait for your dumb ass.
2) KEEP YOUR FUCKING VOICE DOWN if you're talking on your phone in a public place
3) Turn your damn phone off if you're eating lunch with someone, or having some private time. Stopping to check your texts or worse, trying to text someone else while you're supposed to be talking to me? fucking rude.
4) No music on your phone. If you MUST, make it a damn ring and keep it low. The best option is to keep it on vibrate.
5) TURN THEM OFF AT THE DAMN MOVIE THEATER. Or church.
6) If you stop me for a conversation, don't answer your damn phone while we're talking. It's rude and makes me feel like an idiot who doesn't want to listen in but can't help it.

I think those are very basic, and they all come down to common goddamn courtesy. I can't count how many times I've wanted to snatch phones from people's hands and throw them in the nearest trashcan.

Don't stand in front the elevator. Don't immediately race into the elevator as soon as the door opens. Let the people on the elevator out FIRST, you dumbasses.

People that need to be introduced to you every. time. you. meet. And if you happen to bump into said person without anyone to perform this formal act they will walk by you as if you had never been at several social gatherings together before. IT IRKS ME AND I'LL FUCKING HATE THESE PEOPLE.

The only worst scenario is when your Friend A doesn't like your Friend B, and therefore acts the way I just mentioned towards Friend B. It's really hard to maintain that friendship.

maybe this is a tiny thing but for the love of all that the godtopus holds holy, please HAND your cash to the person you are paying. would you want someone to plonk down their fifty cents in pennies in front of you so you had to pick it up to put it in the cash register? no.

the stupid idiot who must have dropped the dead sea scrolls in their passenger seat and they are trying to pick it up and are not paying the fuck attention while i am driving behind them on a one lane highway with no way to pass!!!

or the dumbass who has never used the self checkout and decides to learn something new today when i only needed friggin milk!

Movie talkers - shut up. At the cinema or in my living room, if we're watching a movie/TV show, we're WATCHING IT. Not talking to YOU or answering your dumb questions about what's happening onscreen.

Kids with shitty pop music as their ringtones - shut up. (Mine is "The Ecstasy Of Gold" from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. BEST. RINGTONE. EVER.)

In Australia we have "bogans" - basically, Aussie rednecks. They like to have loud, prolonged domestic feuds in public places. I want to explode them with my mind like in Scanners.

OHMIGOD...(this could easily go all caps I mean it so much, but I value your eyes) would you (certain people) just attempt to raise your children not to be sociopaths?!?

You do not get to give me stinkeye if I tell your appalling pants monkey to behave like a human being - and here I was going to provide an example, but too many came to mind.

I have been called 'nazi' to my face after telling a kid that he needed to stand there and apologize immediately for punching my child in the face. My reply to the adult was 'step off or I'll be speaking to you next.' Not my favorite public moment, but you'd be amazed how many people are scared that they will come off as RUDE for doing the right thing when others won't.

NOT taking action can be rude too.

Kids who don't reply when spoken to. I know a lot of children are shy, and that is totally understandable. And sure, they're not supposed to talk to strangers.

But don't tell me that my neighbor's 9-year-old daughter, whom I have known for at least 6 years, can't respond to "Good Morning" when I greet her at the bus stop. I think her parents let her slide on matters of common courtesy.

They should smack her upside the head!

I was just talking to a friend today about how much I hate to see a young, strong looking person WATCH an elderly woman try to stuff her heavy carry-on luggage into the overhead. It happened today. I was stuck 6 rows back and I wanted to help this woman and I saw at least 5 guys just watch her struggle. Finally, a female flight attendant who was about 5'1" came down and helped her. It was embarassing. I felt bad for the human race.

I agree with you, DR. My little girl WILL say "sir" and "ma'am". My northern wife wasn't sold until she finally noticed how rude it was when kids respond to adults with "yeah" and "no". She had never really considered before. It's not archaic...It's POLITE and it teaches more lessons kids will take with them for the rest of their lives.

By the way, "Slower Lower" who posted before me is a fellow Delawarean. Only a Delawarean would know that term. Nice representation on Pajiba!

Spender already said it upthread but it bears repeating again and again and again and again and again:

You do not own the grocery store so move your effing cart or I will move it for you!

And I'm talking one lady in the aisle parked all cockeyed while she is painstakingly examining every item on the shelf and blocking the aisle just enough so that I cannot get through.

And don't even get me started on the three kids you inexplicably had to bring with you (because they assist so much in the shopping process) who are currently spilling bags of Reese's Pieces all over the floor.

Please respect your fellow shoppers. There is a reason I only like to go really late at night or really early in the morning. To avoid the people.

i lose my temper at people who refuse to face their eyeballs in the direction they are moving. not up at the sun, not over your shoulder at the hottie who just passed, not down at your phone so you can catch up on facebook, but ahead, where you can see upcoming obstacles and hazards. like me. The two things I understand from people like that is that they expect other people to accomodate them, and that natural selection is failing because the rest of us are too courteous. I walk right through those people now. life's too short to play navigator for other people.

There is not enough time in the world to enumerate all the rudeness I encounter on a daily basis.

Be thoughtful and nice to each other people. That's pretty much all it takes.

Noise polluters. You know, the people with those shitty headphones who turn the fuckers waaay up so everybody on the train is blasted with their crappy taste in music. Or, better yet, the people watching a movie on their laptops WITHOUT HEADPHONES. It's not your living room, it's a fucking train, you turtle-fingering pus-noodle.

I second the 'public bogan brawls'. Especially when they interrupt their brawls to yell at random bystanders for looking at them. My personal favourite was the woman who abused me because I wanted a seat at the train station and she was having a 'private conversation' with her boyfriend. Pity she was so drunk she didn't notice he was asleep.

I ride my bicycle everywhere. Eff cars. So this is my common courtesy to bike riders rant.

1) Give us 3 feet AT LEAST when you pass us. If we can reach out and touch your car, you're just too damned close. And if I can touch your car with my hand, you had better believe there is a key in it. Trying to cut as close as possible to me is dangerous. Believe me, you are not as aware of your cars size as you think you are. I've been clipped on the shoulder by more rear view mirrors that I care to think about.

2) After a red light, do NOT try to whip around a bicyclist and turn right in front of them. I will hunt you down and shank you with the warm end of an enema tube. Im dead serious.

3) Do not honk/yell/etc as you pass by. Even if its in encouragement. This shit scares the hell out of us. If you want to show us love, wave as you pass by or gently tap your brakes as you pass.

4) There is no greater trespass, even worse than these other 3, than taking your aggressions out on me at a stop light. Yes, some bicyclists are dicks or take extraordinary risks with their life and yours. I dont. The majority of us dont.

But I swear to god if you start yelling at me about how we need to just "get off the road" or "get a job and buy a car" I will cut you. If you do this while waving a Big Gulp diabetes shake in my face, your car won't leave the intersection. Just because I ride a bike doesn't mean I don't know where your valve stems are...

Gum and spitting are plagues upon humanity. PLAGUES.

Noted: Must be more courteous to bike riders. And avoid Lennon. Lennon is no fucking joke.

@ Lennon - you are my hero. For realsies. I've caught up to assbitches in their minivans and yelled "you almost killed another human back there, you fuck!" I mean, really. You could kill someone.

Please don't talk on your cell phone while you are with another person/people. I don't care if you know them or not, it is insanely rude. Pay fucking attention for 30 seconds. We used to get by without immediately answering every phone call we got, and we still will, dammit.

Don't stare at the oncoming traffic and wait for it to get too close, THEN pull out in front of people because you can't effectively gauge their speed. If you have to look 2 or more times, you're too fucking late. WAIT. YOUR. TURN.

Oh yeah - and don't talk on your fucking cell phone when you're driving. You think you're paying attention, and can drive with one hand - but I'm riding my bike, and I'm watching you. I'm 100% sure you cannot see me, because you are looking straight ahead and running your mouth about something that, most likely, can wait until you aren't moving. Just stop it. You're not as great of a driver as you think.

Pet parents who walk their dogs with those retractable leashes. Great idea, except these assholes never, ever retract the leash. So now the dog is way ahead of the lazy dog walker and the leash is now a 25 foot, randomly moving, clothesline of death for anyone who wants to walk/run/bike past these morons.

I'm sure the pet parent thinks I want to play jump rope with their dog, but I don't. And I think I deserve at least equal space on the sidewalk with an animal, cute as they may be.

Lizzie, nothing gets me angrier at work then assholes who just plop their money down on the counter. Nevermind that I'm tall, and the counter is short, so I have to stoop over to count your fucking pennies. Never mind that I was polite and greeted you nicely, but you were on the fucking phone or chatting with your coworker when you showed up. Never mind that I then stepped away from the register to get you your fucking coffee and muffin. apparently, your arms are too weak to hold a 5 dollar bill for more then 10 seconds.

So, here's what I usually do. Place the drink down, and repeat the total. Sometimes they pick up on this and pick the bill up. If they don't (and often times, just give me a look and point at the bill), I scoop it up, get the change and proceed to miss their hand when I give it back. Lots of Opps! and Sorrys!!! and avoidance of putting any money in their outstretched palm, but rather leaving it in a pile on the counter. I then place the receipt down, say Thank You! in my most polite voice, and before they can say anything else, I call the next person over.

I also speak REALLY LOUDLY and REPEAT THE ORDER TWO OR THREE TIMES TO MAKE SURE I GOT IT RIGHT when someone's ordering and talking on the phone.

One of my favorite things about north eastern japan was the fact that when riding an escalator, if you're going to stand still like the lazy shit you are, you do so on whatever given side is deemed socially appropriate, be it left or right.

And when you ride with a friend, instead of standing side-by-side, you both stand to one side, just on different steps.

Here in America? Not so much.

I don't get the beef you all have with cell-phones being used in public. Unless your gripe is with loud people who scream to be heard, or scream because they can't hear (love you, dad,) how the hell is answering your vibrating phone and having a regular volumed conversation with the person who called any different than having a conversation with the person standing next to you?

Restaurants, ok, I'll draw the line there, but walking in public? Screw you. I shouldn't have to put work and life on hold because you don't like it that I have someone to talk to and you don't.

Some people can walk and chew gum at the same time.

Exhibit A: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/17/technology/17distracted.html

Multitasking in your office is fine (if you're good enough to really do it - evidence suggests that most people can't: http://www.pewtrusts.org/news_room_detail.aspx?id=54921). But unless you are the aforementioned President of the United Fucking States of America, you are not so important that your call can't wait until you are A) not obstructing the flow of foot traffic, B) potentially causing an accident, or C) imposing your fucking business on everyone around you.

What is so important that it can't wait for you to find a discreet location to take the call? Even doctors have fucking beepers. How hard is it to let it go to voicemail and call someone back at a more appropriate time?!

Corollary to previously stated car/bicycle etiquette:

A bicycle is not a license to ignore traffic rules. If I've passed you in my car on a busy thoroughfare during rush hour, being sure to give plenty of leeway in the process, please do not use the subsequent red light as an excuse to get back in front of every car that just passed you and make them do it again. It would be fan-freaking-tastic if every road had a dedicated bike lane, but since they do not, do everyone a favor and stop behind the car immediately in front of you.

When I hold a door for someone (which I do all the time) and the person just walks through without a word, THAT pisses me right the fork off. Depending upon the day and how indignant I feel, I might say, "You're welcome!" Sometimes they ignore me, sometimes they come up with a lame excuse and sometimes they at least apologize.

I'm going to play off of slower lower's post, because I happen to work at an amusement park.

People who think their kids are *entitled* to every one of my rides, because mommy bought season passes. I realize that you either don't understand that height requirements are set for the safety of all riders, or else just don't really care if little Billy goes flying out when the train goes down that big hill, but I'm not letting little Billy on. No matter how much he cries or you scream. And no matter that you seriously put your 8 year old son in 5 inch heels to try to bypass that safety requirement.

People who swear their day, if not their whole LIFE, is ruined because a ride or two is closed right now. They are MACHINES. Like your car, or your computer. They get a lot of wear and tear, probably much more than either of those machines. I know you paid good money to come here for them, and I appreciate that cause it keeps me employed. But machines break down. Our team does our best to keep as many running as we can for you to enjoy, but it's not possible to have 100% uptime, all the time.

And the biggest, in the amusement park vein... LOOSE ARTICLES. Bitches, if it can't fit safely in your pocket, DON'T BRING IT. And don't get upset at my operators when they tell you that you can't bring your camera, purse, and souvenir fucking bottle on that roller coaster. When you drop it and it breaks, or your keys and cash go flying from 100 feet in the air, who are you going to be mad at?

Linecutters. I freaking hate linecutters. I'm reminded how much I hate them when I fly, which I did today. My hatred applies to the people who are too lazy to walk to the back of the line and just force their way in by the counter. I also hate the people who get line before their area has been called. And the people who push and shove in front of you to get off the plane faster.

I feel like there is a special level of hell reserved for linecutters. It's pretty far down, right above the murderers and rapists.

And now that I'm on the topic of flying, I hate people who use the entire arm rest plus a large portion of your seat space as theirs. I paid just as much for my seat as you did. Just because you're bigger than me doesn't mean you get to invade my seat.

Plane farters. Oh how I hate plane farters. The air is already stale and dry, and now its full of gross & nasty farticles and poopticulates that are going to be recirculated endlessly during the flight. You, sir, (or madam), are an entirely worthless human being and deserve to be human centipeded to your own ass.

*sigh* Depressingly, according to this diversion, I am one rude cunt. I am really going to have to work on that. I don't even have a real excuse for it but I am constantly glued to my cellphone, even in the store. I know it's a lame reason but I get fucking lonely out here, man! I'm 3000 miles from anyone I ever knew.
I do always try to be nice to customer service workers because when I worked at Whole Foods godDAMN did every little positive interaction count. The only thing I worry about is OVER 'thank you'ing at restaurants. I say it when they bring the bread, fill the water, bring the food, whatever. Fellow Pajibans, can you tell me, is over-thanking possible?

"If someone smiles at you, smile the hell back. Especially if this person is your co-worker or fellow student or is in some other way acquainted.
Posted by: Courtney at September 13, 2010 8:40 PM"

I get that you need the positive feedback, but but my near crippling social anxiety, mixed with my partial facial nerve paralysis at birth, means I rarely smile, and can barely do it to begin with, without it looking weird. I guess I just grow tired of feeling like I'm the ass for not socially validating people I know. Which leads me to:

"People that need to be introduced to you every. time. you. meet. And if you happen to bump into said person without anyone to perform this formal act they will walk by you as if you had never been at several social gatherings together before. IT IRKS ME AND I'LL FUCKING HATE THESE PEOPLE."

I have problems recognizing faces when I'm anywhere, unless I can be detached and observe them. So when I'm walking by, I often don't recognize people I've met, and if I do, its after the fact, and am too embarassed to rectify the situation, so I just ignore.

I'm not saying I don't try, and I'm not saying people aren't dicks. But when these less rude things "piss you off", try to think that maybe its not a malicious act by the person, they just don't function that well with people they haven't known for at least a decade.

Bike riders, I will respect you on the road when you respect me on the hiking trail. Yelling "on your left" doesn't count as yielding to hikers when you zoom past me going down hill and nearly kill me. Motherfuckers. Next time I am going to stick my foot out - it will probably hurt you more than me.

Another pet peeve: if you are going to honk at me when the light turns green, make sure the amount of time is reasonable. If the car in the other lane hasn't moved off the line its too soon. I swear some people wait at lights with their hand on the horn. Especially Chicago drivers. I will flip you off (and maybe deliberately stay at the light a little longer).

Oh I could go on and on. I live in London, there's a reason people are thought of as rude here. They are. I kind of understand it in one sense, seeing as if you live here long enough it wears you down and you can't fight it any more and go along with it, turning into those you hated. But I refuse to become one of them!

One of my main peeves is people not letting others off the tube/bus first before they get on. Not only is it polite, it is goddamn easier if you do that! Honestly, we'd all get further with a lot less hassle if people did this.

Oh and people who don't stand up to let you out of the seat when you need to get off, they just swing their legs out and you have to squeeze through the tiny gap. Then they tut at you if you knock them with your bag. Move then idiot!!

I work in drive thru at an australia fast food franchise called 'Red Rooster' and it sits me to no end when I am answering the drive thru and I know they can hear me properly because I've tested the machine, and my mic is working because I can hear them properly, but when I ask for them to repeat one thing because their order might have been rushed and I am afraid I've forgotten something, they talk REAAAAAAAAAL SLOOOOOOOOW AND CONDESCENDING-LIKE.

I am a human being and I bust my arse to be polite with you.

Another thing is I go out of my way to have a real conversation and most customers love this, I have been offered multiple jobs from various customers who own businesses because of my customer service skills and my polite nature and willingness to start a real conversation besides the half dead 'How are you today?' rubbish we usually dish out.

People who don't play-ball annoy me, as I amtyring my very best to be a good person and provide excellent service, but for some reason I'm only meant to be the dumb fucking robot who takes pleasure in serving you.

Another note: please NEVER make an order, pay for an order and then proceed to complain and ask for the order to be changed. If the chips are no in your hand, the ship of opportunity has sailed and 'No, you can't have extra salt on your chips you fat fatty fat fuck' becomes '...Of course, let me take them back one moment and I'll fix that' and the poor chef gets angry at me!

Lastly, just because we have run out of Vanilla Coke doesn't mean I slaughtered your first born child. I have not ruined your day and I am sure hat your heart will go on with normal fucking Coca Cola. What did you do before Vanilla Coke anyway?! HUH?

Oddly enough, I have been working here for nearly six months now and I do love the people and the reason I don't take any of the other offers is that I love the job and its good training for the workforce once i finish high school. I have also never had an angry customer, or a complaint that I haven't been able to immediately dissolve with a smile and an 'I'm So sorry sir/miss'... It just melts away

But, consumers, you've been warned!

Screaming children in nice restaurants. I can't recall a situation where a child under 10 behaved themselves in a nice restaurant - by a certain hour, they're going to get crabby, and don't want to wait for the entrees to arrive while Mommy and Daddy absentmindedly sip their chardonnay and act like their child is not fucking bratting around and pissing off other patrons & staff. If you want to have a night out, hire a fucking sitter or go to Applebee's. That, or crush some Valium in the kid's Wheaties and call it a scream free night.

Texting at the dinner table. My old roommate and I would periodically eat out, and I'd be trying to have a conversation and she'd be fucking texting on her Blackberry. I have a Blackberry as well, so I definitely understand how awesome texting can be on those things, but there's a time and a place to put it the fuck down.

House guests/friends that don't clean up after themselves when they come to my home. I'm not the neatest person on the entire planet, but when I have friends over, I make a valiant effort to make sure my shit's put away, floors are clean, dishes are done, and TP is replenished. I hate when I'm stuck with an empty place where all my dishes are once again dirty and my food and drink consumed. Oh, and then someone takes a shit and uses the entire roll of TP and acts like there were 2 sheets of paper clinging to the brown roll and somehow I'm crazy for not realizing this and providing a 6-pack of Charmin for their shitting needs.

Oh, people who come to my house and don't flush their piss. I totally understand the water conservation crap, and while I don't follow it, I don't care if you do in the privacy of your own home. I don't want to go to my personal toilet and see your piss, or worse, your shit. Both have happened.

People who repeatedly demonstrate their inability to walk on a sidewalk. Maybe I'm weird, but I think a sidewalk has 2 sides, just like any street. KEEP TO YOUR SIDE OF THE SIDEWALK. Your group of friends and you do not need to fan out horizontally on the sidewalk and suddenly start walking very slowly, thereby impeding anyone who actually needs to get to their fucking destination in a timely manner from doing so. Oh, and when you say excuse me to these people, they act all inconvenienced, like how dare you want to use part of THEIR sidewalk.

People who crowd around the exits on public transit and hug the pole in front of the door like their life depended on it. I hate getting by these assholes. Especially because one of them ALWAYS has a giant fucking backpack that without fail, hits you somewhere in the face/upper body.

Pedestrians that decide to start walking across the street when they have 3 seconds left on the timer. Just wait 2 minutes, you fucks.

All wonderful entries. I truly hate moped riders (I call them DUI mobiles) that think they are a car yet can't get above 40mph. Guess what? You are not a car. My vehicle out weighs yours by a factor of 4 at the minimum. Get the FUCK out of the way before I run your dumbass over.

It never ceases to amuse me when my waiters and waitresses compliment my children on their good manners. All they do is say "please" and "thank you" yet this is treated with the same reverence as if I taught my dog to cook lo mein. My kids act with courtesy because my wife and I act with courtesy. I absolutely cannot STAND it when patron don't treat restaurant staff with courtesy. I once had a good friend that was the biggest dick to waiters and waitresses I ever met. Quite honestly, it made me reconsider being friends with him because it was embarassing to go out with him. I haven't talked to him in years so I guess that worked out just fine via attrition.

What Liz said made me think of another: flush the toilet when you're done. Doesn't matter if you're in public or at home. That's just gross and lazy.

And if you're in public and it won't flush, freakin' TELL SOMEONE who works there. We don't care who did it, but it ain't gonna fix itself.

The great unwashed know nothing of manners and on a good they have the social etiquette of a ribid baboon. I have recently come to the UK and I rue not bringing my taser over with me. I try to avoid going out and mingling in general population as much as I can, but I need feeding and trips to the mall are a must. Why is there always some form of domestic battle going on in each and very aisle at full volume with children baying at the knee everywhere and what the fuck is up with these mobility scooter things?
On the whole they appear to be helmed by idle, gormless dolts, who have some how managed to elude their keepers. They arrogantly whizz around the place barging you off the footpath or they park the damn thing in the middle of a food aisle in the mall and walk around unaided!
If I want to be rear ended five times every ten mins then I'll go shower in the local prison and conveniantly drop the soap, so don't fucking do it to me in your wheezy idiot mobile you po faced troglodyte. There is a lot to be said for electroshcok therapy and I am more then willing to help out with my taser.

peanut those mobility scooters are dangerous! Or they are when you're on a driving lesson and some old bloke on one decides not only to take it on the main road but also go the wrong way round a roundabout. Talk about life flashing before your eyes.

ooh, one more...flicking your butts out the car window...seriously, it's litter. would you toss a soda can in the street? how is half a dozen butts a day any different?

Just had another one. These morons that call and leave a voicemail at work with the message to "give me a call". No mention of what they actually want. Because I have nothing better to do then call you up to figure out what it is you need from me? When you call, TELL ME WHY YOU ARE CALLING. 9 times out of 10 I will be able to resolve it without having to talk to you. And really, that IS my end goal of a successful work day; as few work related conversations as possible.

The thing that's been really bugging me lately is the folks that overuse perfume, cologne, smelly lotion or whatever. It's pretty frakkin' rude when you're in close quarters with other people, like on buses, subways or crowded lecture halls.

Plus, most people have really bad taste in perfume, so not only is it too strong, it's gross to begin with.

English native speakers (and yes, Americans, I'm looking at you): When travelling abroad, be advised that most of the foreigners you encounter tend to be at least bilingual, and that English is usually one of the languages both understood and spoken.
Therefore, do not make obnoxious asides like "Lordy, that woman is FAT!" or loud observations such as the one I overheard recently from an American tourist group at the Mcdonalds (!) in Venice (!!) Italy (!!!): "Gawd, I thought eyetalian cawfee was sposed to be good - this is CRAP!"

Oh holy crap, where do I start?

The sir/ma'am thing. My family is from Maryland, but I was raised in the South and I, for whatever reason, picked up on it quick. I don't always add it to any affirmation, but I do say it. Especially when I worked as a receptionist (and even now still working in support). This is not a crack on your age. Hold on, let me say that again: THIS IS NOT A CRACK ON YOUR AGE. I would babysit and say sir or ma'am to the little three-year-olds I watched. It is a sign of respect, so when you screech at me about how you're not that old (when clearly, you're pushing 60) and how dare I start ma'aming you, YOU are being disrespectful to ME. I used that term as a sign of respect to you, because I don't know you well enough to call you by your name or even sweetheart, but I want to be polite and give you good service. I did not call you Methuselah, the Crypt Keeper, or fucking Father Time, I said "ma'am." Fucking get over your own damn hang ups and take the term of respect.

Also, I love it when I get a "ma'am" from a little kid. Ma'aming and siring are totally underrated.

Driving. If I'm driving slowly, I'm in the right lane. If I need to hustle, I get in the left lane. Why? Because there is something called the flow of traffic. It is incredibly unsafe to disrupt the flow of traffic. Even if you have it in your mind that the left lane is for going whatever damn speed you'd like (even if that's 10 under), you're wrong. The flow of traffic determines the speed moreso than the speed on the sign. Cops WILL pull you over for driving too slowly. Also, cops will pull you over for driving the speed limit if the flow of traffic has halted considerably due to dangerous conditions. While the speed limit is there for a reason, you must gauge and understand your fellow drivers. This also means not making a full stop in the middle lane right in front of an intersection because you realize that, OMG, that's your left. Stopping in the middle of the road for no damn reason is incredibly unsafe. Not signalling and trying to get over two lanes while you're stopped is not safe. You need to keep going and then make a U-turn, since it is not everyone else's fault that you're a jackass.

There are plenty of other rude things, but my soap box time limit is up.

Man, I have not yet read all these comments, but godDAMN I love you people!!! I am a pretty ragey person on a GOOD day, much less when one of the following affects me:

1) Motherfucking elevator freaks...a) do not RUSH onto the elevator the second the door opens..let the people inside OFF first. b) DO NOT stand RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING DOORS!! More than likely, there are people in there, waiting to get off...LET THEM! c) If you got on at floor 5, and there are people in the back of the elevator, and the button for floor 1 is pushed, GET OUT OF THE WAY to let them out!!

2) Kids. Goddammit, we are raising the rudest, most obnoxious bunch of kids I've ever seen. Saying no to their parents, ignoring people who need help with items, not giving up their seats, listening to their garbage crap music at ear-splitting levels, and FOR GOD'S SAKE PULL YOUR PANTS UP!!! I am the old lady who will walk by/drive by you and yell at you to do so. mr. dammit tends to shrink in his seat when I do this, but I don't care. Example: we were in line at Burger King the other day...some douchebag a car or 2 behind me had his deathmetal PUMPIN' so loud I couldn't even think. As I attempted to place my order, I told the server (and I have worked drive-thru, I know how much this sucks) that they probably couldn't hear me because of the jerk behind me. I finished my order and pulled away from the mic. It was then that dickhead turned his stereo down. I turned around and yelled out the window, "Oh, thanks! NOW that I'm done ordering, you turn that shit down!" My daughter, in the front, completely agreed with me. Son and mr. dammit in the back didn't think it was necessary. Oh, it was so necessary. On the other hand, one of my proudest moments was riding the train into Chicago with my kids, and my son and his best friend gave up their seats to an older couple with no prompting from me. BY GOD my kids are polite... "yes, ma'am," "no, sir," opening doors and such, because they know I will beat the living holy hell out of them otherwise.

3) Wear work appropriate clothing at work, or public-appropriate clothing at ALL times! I don't want to see ass-crack, moose-knuckle, or titties unless I am paying for it.

4) This one happens to me at work ALL DAY. If I have my earbuds in, and are facing away from you, doing something else, DO NOT walk up behind me and just start vomiting information. I am NOT listening. I am obviously involved in something else and do not want to hear about what you dog did!!

5) Finally, do NOT go flying past me on the interstate in the lane marked, "Lane ends" and expect me to let you in front of me. It was clearly marked and you think you are going to wedge your Tony Soprano Escalade in front of me just because your ego demands it. My ego, and my cheap Chrysler, demand that you try and hit me and buy me a new car, motherfucker.

I could go on and on.....but scathing, snarky and bitchy does not begin to explain how I feel about these things and lots more.

I'm a Southerner who was raised to say "yes/no, sir" and "yes/no, ma'am" to everyone. Now I live in NYC. I wonder if people think that I'm weird? I guess I've noticed most other people don't say that as much as I do, I was just raised to be super formal and polite when addressing people I don't know very well.

Pretty much any assholery on the subway pisses me off. Like you dickbags that don't move into the center of the car at fucking rush hour when a million people need to get into the train. Move aside, or I'll move you myself. Ass.

Re the "ma'am" and "sir" thing. I accept that it's a southern US thing so I am fine with it when I am in the south and I try to reciprocate although honestly it just sounds wrong and forced to me. So when southerners are in the north or another country, they should accept it's not the norm and not expect it or think people are rude when they don't use those terms.

Also, a lot of US-style customer service comes across as cloying and in-your-face to people who aren't raised with it. In Ireland, when you walk into a shop, it's accepted that you're there to browse and you'll ask for help when you need it. In the US, they jump on you with a big "how are you" as soon as you walk in and then follow you around the shop. It's very uncomfortable. It took me years to understand that they weren't watching me for security reasons. I know the shop people are told to do it but it's really just subtle pressure to buy stuff. So yes, if the shop person keeps hovering after I've told them I am there to browse, I do respond quite rudely.

let me also add these:

When we're walking towards each other on the street, and I try and move to not hit you, but you don't move, even though you have more space then I do. As a 6'3" male with broad shoulders, I've started making a visible attempt at moving, and if the other person doesn't move at all, then I square my shoulders and let them run face first into my collarbone.

People who wait in a long line, getting impatient, but when they get to the counter, they still don't know their order, and have to THEN search their bag for their money.

People who put their blackberry's playlist or radios on in public places.

Lazy idiots (i.e. almost everyone on any given flight) who stand around the luggage conveyor belt at the airport, like RIGHT AT THE EDGE, so no-one can get to their bag/suitcase without having to crawl over them, just so they have the sad little convenience of loading their stuff onto their cart without walking a few steps.

Stand back a few feet, WAIT THERE UNTIL YOU SEE YOUR BAG ARRIVE, then take a few steps forward and get your bag, you sad lazy fuckers! Thank you.

Tailgating: if i can't see your headlights, you're goo close

work etiquette: if we've spoken in the past, it'd be nice if you'd at least make eye contact in the hallway, or when I say hello, it'd be nice if you'd acknowledge my presence.

I hate rudeness, but my problem with these conversations is that there are always people who seem to think that their personal pet peeves or regional customs need to be globally enforced. THAT's inconsiderate, man.

People who are in love with the noises they can make drive me nuts. I was at work one time, in the breakroom, trying to watch TV. There was another guy there who insisted on tapping his knuckles on the table, heaving out these vocalized sighs, and just generally making noise for no fucking reason at all. I wanted to throw a chair at him.

Also, people who trim their nails at work. I could seriously kill someone for doing that.

Todd, it sounds like you sit in my little cube cluster in my office. My work nemesis loves making all kinds of noises (humming, whistling, muttering, sighing, tapping) AND she clips her nails at work. It makes me STABBY.

I walk 2 dogs -- on their leashes, of course :) on the paved trails of a local park. The paved trail is shared by runners, hikers, dog-walkers, mountain bikers, strollers, roller-bladers, etc. I have been scared *less and almost fallen over the dogs numerous times when the bikers come zooming up behind us -- no warning, no nada. One of my dogs is older and may not always keep to her 1/4 of the paved trail; she wanders a little. Would it hurt to let people up ahead know you're coming so we can move out of your way? Since, apparently, you own the trail?? I have yet to have anyone on a bike apologize for nearly running us off the road in their impatience to get another mile under the wheels. It's called "Sharing", people. Morons.

Oh, also: Whenever possible I try to make it a point to look at servicepeople's name tags (cashiers) or remember the server's name (waitpersons), look them in the eye and say, "Thank you, (person's name)." And, yep, I generally tip at least 20%.

I am your wet-dream customer.

When you go to classical music concert, SILENCE your freaking cell phone. Silent is fine, vibrate can be fine if it's one of the quieter kinds and you're not going to pick it up, but especially make sure it doesn't produce any goddamn "music" of its own. There's nothing more annoying than the latest obnoxious Kanye invading the solemn tones of a Beethoven symphony slow movement. The worst is when the ringtone goes off and the person can't find the phone for a good 30+ seconds to turn it off or can't figure out how to turn it off... Just shut the thing up before the conductor conducts a downbeat. Seriously.

People who talk loudly during classical music concerts while the music is still playing also deserve a kick in the pants. No matter how quietly you think you're whispering, your hard consonants and vowels (especially "ssssssss") are being heard by the people in front of you, carrying to the top rows and to the stage, inconsiderate twats.

You know what I can't stand? When people seem to have a mental ledger for keeping track of every minor offense, the better to use against you later.

;)

(Okay, I suppose I'm cheating.)

I am pregnant for the first time, and godtopus dammit, since when did my protruding belly become public property!? Especially to people I barely know or don't know at all? How's about I just come up and grab your titties or junk in public without asking?
GET OUT OF MY EVER-EXPANDING PERSONAL BUBBLE!!!

Also, at just over 4 months, I am not that big yet, so really my belly could just be a spaghetti-induced food baby. But still people ask when I am due. Dude, in this age of muffin-tops and poor posture, if you don't know FOR SURE if someone is pregnant, save yourself some potential embarassment and don't assume.

I'm obviously late on this, so maybe it's already been mentioned, but in addition to the elevator pointers suggested in the header photo (Elevators - what is so difficult to understand about them? They go only two directions and the doors open and close. It's not hard), I HATE people who call my phone and then ask me who I am. They often don't introduce themselves (and I'm talking strangers, not my mom, whose voice I do recognize, usually) but then expect me to tell them who the I am. YOU CALLED ME. IDENTIFY YOURSELF FIRST. Seriously, WTF is wrong with people?

They do it at work, too, though this is a problem more for the receptionist than for me. She says people call there all the time, don't identify themselves, then expect to talk to the managing director or CFO or somesuch.

What is it about having a phone in their hands that turns so many people into fucktards?

I agree with many of the other annoyances mentioned already. Assholes who block doorways and aisles, the phone talkers who yap loudly inside places of business, the traffic assholes...

1) Foul language has become far too common and acceptable in regular conversation. It is lazy, overdramatic, and (as the name implies) foul. Save it for when you hit yourself on the thumb with a hammer or stub your toe. I don't need to hear you dropping the f bomb every three words.

2) People who walk incredibly slow in public places and/or block aisles. Almost as bad as people who dart in front of you and then stop.

3) Bicyclists/pedestrians who ride/walk 2-3 abreast on busy roads/sidewalks.

4) I might catch some flak for this one, but waiters who try to convince the rest of the world that 20% is the "standard" tip. False. 15% for standard service, 10% if you suck, 20% if you do a good job, and 25% if you blow my mind. I have a sneaking suspicion that 20% as standard came from lazy math (i/e just take 10% of the total and double it). It is not that hard to calculate 15% (10% of the total, cut it half, add the half to the 10% number).

Alright, I agree with most of these, but I am in the group of people who doesn't understand what is so aggrivating to some people about talking on a cell phone in public. I understand that it is rude when someone you are having a conversation with stops in the middle of it to take a call, I understand if someone is talking too loudly (I am uncomfortable around loud-talkers no matter where they are directing their loudness). I understand hanging up or putting the phone down to speak with a cashier/waitstaff/person trying to be helpful. I get why you don't want people discussing what fantastic sex they had last night or using profanity (again, both on the phone and to a live person). Texting in a theater where the backlight ruins someones viewing experience, ok, I can get behind hating that. But in a grocery store? or walking down the street? Why does it bug you so that I speak at a reasonable volume about appropriate topics into a phone instead of directly at a person? I don't understand that.

Ok, that was my confusion section of the comment, now for my rant:

1) If you are standing outside of a building/on the street chatting with your friends move to one side! OR an even better option: if you are somewhere like a college campus where there are sidewalks and lawns GET YOUR ASS OF THE SIDEWALK IF YOU'RE JUST HANGING OUT! SideWALKS are for walking, lawns and benches are for socializing. Especially in front of doors. Why do you want to stand in front of a door?!

2) I do not want to go to church with you, I am aware that there are churches, I am aware of when the sermons take place, I know how churches work and if I wanted to attend I would. I do not. Do not try to save me, it will not work. Until I am socially allowed to try to un-save people in mixed company you should not try to save me.

3) Be on time. I have shit to do. I have a teacher that is always 10-15 minutes late for lecture and 10-15 minutes late after breaks. Your office is across the hall, what could you possibly be doing that takes 30 minutes in the middle of class? Get your ass here on time and let us all leave 30 minutes early.

*Forgive me spelling and grammar Gods, for I have probably sinned somewhere in the above passage. Please look upon your humble servant kindly and grant me mercy for my trespasses. Thank you, Amen.

RE PaddyDog: "the 'ma'am' and 'sir' thing. I accept that it's a southern US thing so I am fine with it when I am in the south and I try to reciprocate although honestly it just sounds wrong and forced to me. So when southerners are in the north or another country, they should accept it's not the norm and not expect it or think people are rude when they don't use those terms. Also, a lot of US-style customer service comes across as cloying and in-your-face to people who aren't raised with it. In Ireland, when you walk into a shop, it's accepted that you're there to browse and you'll ask for help when you need it. In the US, they jump on you with a big "how are you" as soon as you walk in and then follow you around the shop. It's very uncomfortable. It took me years to understand that they weren't watching me for security reasons. I know the shop people are told to do it but it's really just subtle pressure to buy stuff. So yes, if the shop person keeps hovering after I've told them I am there to browse, I do respond quite rudely."

I'm from the south (Texas, and I'm sure some people will correct me now and say Texas isn't really southern, WTF?) and I don't do "sir" or "ma'am." I do say "please" and "thank you" and "I would like" and ask people courteously if I need something. I don't just command them to do my bidding with no niceties whatsoever. That should be enough. If somebody's day is ruined because I didn't sir or ma'am them, too bad. They need to get over this constant need for ego stroking or whatever it is. I will say "sir" or "ma'am" if I have to get someone's attention and don't know their name, I don't just yell "Hey, you!"

And the flypaper salespeople annoy me as well. If they approach me once, cool. But being approached every 10 feet by an employee (Home Depot is especially bad about this, for some reason) is goddam annoying. Leave me alone and let me get my shop on. Of course, when I actually need one of these people to answer a question or check out, all of a sudden, they're nowhere to be found.

Also, I'd like it if cashiers would keep the conversation with customers to a minimum, at least when it's busy. Too many people need very little excuse to slowpoke through a checkout line, please don't encourage them by asking about each of their multiple children. Exchange phone numbers or email addresses and keep the goddam line moving, please. And keep any observations about what kind of day you think I'm having (I don't give a fuck if I don't look happy enough for you) to yourself. You're not a therapist or Oprah.

Say "Thank you" when I hold the fucking door open for you, you goddamned neanderthal.

I mean, what the fuck?

"I don't mind if people talk on the phone in public, but it is the extremely rare person who can do it without being an asshole."

I actually had a (somewhat crazy, but still!) woman get up on a city bus and publicly praise me for my phone manners. One of my prouder moments.

Late to the party, but...

If you work in retail, LEARN YOUR EFFING STORE POLICIES. If I point out the policy that is written on the wall behind you, don't say to me, "I'm not really sure if we're supposed to do that".

It's your store policy.

It's written down.

IT'S THE EFFING LAW.

I'm looking at you, Home Depot.

/end rant

DR, firstly: your driver friend sounds scary-vindictive. Yikes.

Second: Everyone I know is appreciative and verbally thankful to waitstaff, so I'm calling BS on THAT New England generalization. Furthermore, I used to work for a college and led field trips of visiting Boston high school students: they ALL addressed me as "Miss" - which is basically "Ma'am" - and that was how they addressed all female teachers. It was lovely and respectful.

I will, however, concede that Bostonians walk unapolagetically fast, and it's probably really rude to outsiders. It's not you, I just wanna get there, now. So get out of the way. Please. "MA'AM."

(This is kind of an extra but I also used to work as a customer service rep at a call center, headset and all, so I always, ALWAYS take down a person's name when I call any customer service line, and I thank them by name for their help. Even if they represent a company of giant assholes I'M LOOKING AT YOU COMCAST.)

As for common courtesy pet-peeve of the day: I can't stand it when colleagues type "Tx" or "Ty" in an email. You don't appreciate my work enough to write out 4 more letters to say "Thanks"? Well then, "Fu."

@Slash,

I work at the Home Depot and we're like flypaper because we have to be. Company policy is all about "Customers FIRST," which means we have greeters between peak hours 10-2 and 9-6 on weekends. We also have mystery shoppers who rate our customer service and if it's not above a certain percent/ say specific questions we get it shot.

Also, the cashiers are required to ask you a specific 5 questions, especially "will this be on yor HD credit card?" I find it creates insincere customer interaction, but they don't listen to me.

Oooh, and we've been authorized to give up to a $50 discount without having to call a manager. Soooo, if you nice, really cute or your cashier wants to screw with the company (somedays) your in luck.

My thing is people who lick their bills before giving it to me. It's disgusting and unhygenic. I also third x20 the putting money on the counter.

RE "Let it go folks, the first rule of etiquette is to NOT HOLD GRUDGES."

He asked us for examples. If you don't want to read a list of people's courtesy peeves, complete with descriptive, often profane stories of courtesy ignored, may I suggest you stop reading them? Then go to ESPN.com and ask why everyone is so fixated on football.

RE kilmo: "I work at the Home Depot and we're like flypaper because we have to be."

Yeah, I know, so communicate to your bosses that customers find it really annoying to have to fight off half the employees in the store within 5 minutes of walking into the place. I was at HD once (to be fair, it's been a couple months) and no less than 4 employees asked me (at different times, several minutes apart) if I needed help, blah blah. I know it seems assholish to complain about overly helpful employees, but it is goddam annoying to have to break focus while looking at an item or simply walking through the store to decide where to go next in order to respond to the employee about your plans while inside the store. LEAVE ME ALONE. One greeter at the door is fine. A store full of quiz masters makes me not want to go back. There's still Lowe's and Walmart.

Most of my current courtesy gripes stem from having to share toilet facilities at work. These are professional women, but sadly there's at least one who hasn't mastered the art of courteous communal loo use. And yes, I know it's rude to talk about toilets, but you did ask....

1) Please flush. I shouldn't have to see your turds, I don't need to know that you're on the sugar pills this week, and seriously, if your wee is that colour you need to see a doctor or at least drink some fucking water.

2) If one of the cubicles is occupied, please don't use the one right next door. There are five others available; give me space! Also, don't comment on my business while I'm doing it.

3) WASH. YOUR. HANDS. Ever heard of E. coli or hepatitis A? You may not care about hygiene, but if I hear you leave the loos without at least a token effort at cleaning I am going to spend the rest of the day looking at people's hands and wondering which filthy feral is gunking up the photocopier with their grubby paws.

P.S. To all those annoyed and in retail, I highly recommend the Elvis-style 'Fuck you very much'. Only one person in five years notices that you didn't say ' thank you' but 'fuck you', by which point you've stopped caring.

after reading some of these posts, i'll admit i'm probably pissing people off inadvertently every now and again, but hey, that doesn't really give you the right to act out on all your pent up rage--that really can't possibly be reserved for the fact that i pulled up a little too far past the stop sign for your liking--by screaming obscenities at me (btw, you old crab, you ruined my day then and you're still bumming me out now). in all honesty, the people that are so self-righteous as to go out of their way to verbally attack the people that have so 'wronged them' seem much ruder to me than the loud gum-chewer or the person in your way that you can't bother to patiently maneuver around.

i think you freak-outers need to recall that the 'you aren't the only person in the universe' door swings both ways, and the cell-phone talker/walker combo isn't doing it to personally cause you distress... so get over yourself a little here, and if it isn't physically hurting anyone, fucking drop it and mellow out please.

I think the word "entitlement" comes to mind regarding most of the people that are pissing off everyone here. Goddamn entitled humans that have no other motive than to try and get what they want... retail is a bitch, and so's the hospitality industry. And fuck the printing industry. I've never worked tables or a bar but I make sure to treat everyone I encounter with the respect they deserve.

And I think it's good to vent. It helps with the anger surging within. As long as it's out of sight I think it's healthy overall.

For whatever reason, a majority of the people in my office build (all 20 floors of them) lack any front door etiquette. Whether walking in or out, they'll typically not look behind them to see if anyone is there and just let the door close on someone/anyone/me. Because, what, you can't be bothered to be slightly courteous and crank your neck 90 degrees to check?

The other issue is when I hold a door open for someone, they rarely stick their arm out and take over holding the door open for themselves. They'll just walk past me, without a thank you or even an acknowledgment. And I'm still there holding the door open, like a jackass. I want to scream "I'M NOT A FUCKING DOORMAN. I'M NOT DOING THIS AS A HOBBY. HOLD YOUR OWN FUCKING DOOR OPEN."

I can tell when someone doesn't work in this building because there's usually a "thank you" involved in either of those situations. And apparently, we're having some sort of cosmetics firm moving into the 3 floors above us, whose employee demographic is "young and female." As a hetero- single male, that is definitely something I can look forward to. However, as a disgruntled tenant of the Standard Oil Building and given its inhabitants' courtesy history, this does not bode well for my sanity nor my anger level.

Also, walk up to, or down from, the 2nd floor you, mouth breathers. One flight of stairs, which are literally right next to you as you wait for the elevator, is not going to kill.

Drivers who won't put their lights on in the half-dark. It doesn't matter that you can see, you put your lights on so everyone else can see you. If every other car on the road has its lights on and you don't, what makes you so special? Are you afraid you'll wear them out or something?

I also tend to hate cyclists who ride on the road. I know it's a different deal in built up cities, but when you're conducting your daily exercise on the highway at five o'clock, and there's an entirely empty footpath running the entire length right next to you, you are the worst person in the world. You've bought yourself a racing bike with wheels too fragile to handle cracks on the path, this does not make you a car and you don't get to be on the road. I used to have to ride my bike to school every day and I would ride on the grass if I had to because being on the road on a bike is fucking terrifying, but these people do it on purpose. Someone is going to kill you, their entire life is going to be ruined, and all because you had to right on the road at rush hour.

Also, people who shout their sneezes. You know the ones; you're in a quiet room and out of nowhere AAAAAAAAACHOO! Look, I understand that sneezing is fun and a great deal of it is involuntary, but we regular human beings have a fight or flight response to noises above a certain decibel level and it is not OK to trigger it with your goddam nose spasm.

And hand-crushers, too. People who think that shaking hands is a blood sport. I'm a fairly big guy and I'm always kind of anxious that I'll accidentally grip another person's hand too tightly when I shake, but I've met too many people who seem to think that's the whole point.

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