Pajiba

1. Perez Hilton. Oh, wait. You said celebrities.
2. Paris Hilton. Maybe they could fight each other. And I can crown the victor with a steak hat and Michael Vick's dawgpound.
3. Ann Coulter. Bagels at dawn, bitch. Bagels dipped in AIDS.
4. Sean Penn. Yes, you made a decent couple of films. But then, you opened your mouth and ruined them all.
5. Jessica Simpson. I'd like to beat her death with Dane Cook.

1. Tucker Carlson-I never scream at the TV as much as I do when I see him!
2. Dane Cook-Just because he's not funny. That's a crime.
3. Ann Coulter-Obviously
4. John Travolta-Fade into obscurity again please.
5. Tucker Carlson-He deserves two beatings, at least!

Ann Coulter. I'm generally a peace-loving hippie, but good lord that woman makes me want to fight. if she were on fire, not only would I not waste my piss on her, I would roast marshmallows then dance around her smoldering ashes.

1. Eli Roth - beat him until a limb comes off.
2. Robert Rodriguez - use Roth's apendage to beat him senseless (oh wait, he already is).
3. thru 5. - Quentin Tarantino - one, for being sooooo overrated, two, for believing he himself can act, thus inserting himself into his own movies, and three, for helping to release these other two morons on the rest of us.

1. George W. Bush - seriously, he needs a good woopin.
2. Dane Cook - I mean, who actually thinks he's funny... I want that hour of my life back...
3. Everyone from The View - royal rumble baby...
4. M. Night Shyamalan - not every good movies need a twist...not all twists are good (Bruce Willis dropped a peg after staring in your stupid movie, I want payback)
5. Mel Gibson - Seriously, he needs a good woopin.

1. Michael Bay

2. Nicolas Cage

3. Jessica Simpson

4. Dane Cook

5. Jessica Alba (If I destroy her face, she'd never 'act' again)

1. Bono
2. Cameron Diaz
3. Jim Belushi
4. Oprah
5. Bill O'Reilly

Eli Roth - Never again, Eli. You hear me? NEVER AGAIN.

Uwe Boll - box this, bitch

Ann Coulter - I'd never hit a woman, but this doesn't count.

Jared Leto - Suck it, goth boy.

Dustin Rowles - Yeah, I said it. You fuck with my quarterback, I will beat your ass, Rowles. Baby or no baby.

i'm purposely leaving off Ann Coulter, Rosie O'Donnell, Eli Roth and Dane Cook because it's way too easy.

in no particular order...

-the entire Hogan family except Hulk. he's not nearly as annoying but his son should be strung up & whipped for what he did to that poor kid
-"Speidi" a.k.a. fake celebs Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag
-Dina Lohan
-whomever created High School Musical and all those involved with the productions of both tv films and the theatrical release (honestly, is zac effron really that talented?!!!)
-jennifer grey (who is still annoyed that other celebs get more attention than she does)

Mella, I didn't even think about Jim Belushi. I'll have to kick Oprah off my list and stick him on. He deserves no less.

But please don't hurt Bono too badly.

I take it back: I'd kick Fergie's ass too. I almost went to see Poseidon just to watch her drown.

1. Tom Cruise. There is No bigger douche then he.

2. Oprah, I have never understood why people love her so much.

3. Paris Hilton, Why is she even a celebrity?

4. Richard Seacrest, WTF?

5. Bill O'Reilly, Or any one from Fox.

1. Joel Madden - No one should wear that much Hot Topic, sing songs that shitty...and not be set on fire.

2. Paris Hilton - I'd deprive her of her herpes medication then make her get a job.

3. George W. Bush - There's alot of stupid, overprivileged assholes out there who get handed their careers by Daddy, but not all of them kill people.

4. Nicole Richie - A good kick in the stomach would do her and her baby good (considering it's fathered by #1).

5. Ryan Seacrest - Because he's Ryan Seacrest.

I'm assuming Ann Coulter is a gimme:

1. Renee Zellweger: My goodwill from Empire Records and Bridget Jones' Diary is well past its expiration date.

2. Dane Cook: Because not being funny is a crime.

3. Ty Pennington: So is having a monkey face.

4. Tony Romo: As an Eagles fan in the midst of a terrible season, this is required.

5. Mitch Albom: For defending his shitty, saccharine novels in an interview in EW and then insulting the intellect of the magazine's readership. Sorry Captain Douchepants, I have better books to read.

6. Kim Kardashian: I want to throw a dart at her ass and see if it deflates.

1. Britney Spears
2. Lindsey/Dina/Michael Lohan
3. Trump/Rosie/Hasselback
4. John Travolta
5. Tom Cruise

aw yeah, let me unleash my cubicle rage:

1. Jessica Simpson. I take her personally.
2. Oprah. Shut it, just shut it. And stop making my friends say stupid things because they saw it on your show.
3. Laura Ingraham. I hade never heard her show until 2 weeks ago. I heard five minutes and have been mad ever since. Patronizing, self-righteous bitch.
4. the creators of Fox news. Because.
5. Howard Stern. Yes a case can be made for free speech, but how about using it to elevate people, huh?

Oh, man, JoAnn, can I jump on your Tucker-hate? I HATE that guy. I hate all those bullies with bully pulpits -

-Michelle Malkin
-Glenn Beck
-Bill O'Reilly
-Rush Limbaugh

They all need to get socked.

That said, am I the only person who feels a little sorry for Britney Spears? I don't want to punch her so much as I want to give her a hug, feed her some healthy food and talk some sense into her.

I'm down with the obvious political/talk show choices, naturally. But if I could channel an irate psychotic Bruce Lee:

1. Bruce Willis, for the jingoistic smugness
2. Patricia Heaton, for obnoxious self-righteousness
3. Adam Sandler, for lowering entertainment standards and Everyman/woman IQs throughout the land
4. Nicholas Cage, for continuing to suck up roles that should go to more deserving actors with genuine talent.
5. Sarah Michelle Gellar, for the way she treated some hardworking folks during her BtVS days--although watching her post-Buffy career nosedive has really taken the edge off.

I know that last one's an unpopular opinion--but memory, she is long.

Only five?

Heather Mills -- although she'd probably fight dirty and try hitting me with that leg of hers

Avril Lavinge -- bitch needs to eat some curb

Ashlee Simpson -- I'd use Avril's lifeless body to smack this one upside her head

Mann Schmoulter -- naturally

And, Tom Cruise -- because I may as well pick on someone my own size

1. P Diddy - guy needs to be taken down a notch or two. It's not even that he's that offensive, he's just so damn full of himself.

2. Danny Bonaduce - enough already. How does this joker keep ending up on tv?

3. Carson Daly

4. Charlie Sheen - Two and a Half Men angers me on so many levels and I don't even watch it. Just to know that it's out there and he's in it...

5. Joel Madden / Jared Leto / Fallout Boy band members: all-out grudge match. I would love to count the tears, bitchslaps, hairpulls, make-up smears, etc...

I just want to take on Suri Cruise.

That lil' alien baby is going down.

1. Carlos Mencia
2. Dane Cook
3. Repeat Step 1
4. Repeat Step 2
5. Light them both on fire and walk away

1. Sebastian Bach- This guy was in a shitty rock band from the 80's and is convinced that he's left no stone unrocked on the face of the earth. Plus, he did gilmore girls talk about negative credability.

2. Fred Durst- Even though some say the threat of hurricane frat boy, wielding a broken rolling rock bottle while simultaneously raping your girlfriend is over I can't help but think it isn't over it's just changed faces. This one includes all the Fred Dursts (Kid Rock, Tommy Lee, Daughtry, etc.)

3. Dane Cook- Now that takes gaul what you went and did. Real juevos. How you've managed to pander to the masses with your mentally debilitating observations on what it's like to have fucked to every Meatloaf song is beyond me. Rot.

4. Boston- Sure it may not be something tangible, as it is just some boundaries drawn in and around the biggest conglomerate of obnoxious dumbfucks on the eastern seaboard, but it is also a state of mind. Anyway, you can't be both the originators of that family guy accent and the hometown of Dane Cook without seeing this coming. Fuck you Boston, you crater oozing with abcess filled with a congregation of cock jockeys.

5. Casey affleck- Gerry? What a waste of energy, and time. I mean for me, for having watched that dog turd slathered in a cocksnot reduction and topped off with a pig bile amusee`

1. Sebastian Bach- This guy was in a shitty rock band from the 80's and is convinced that he's left no stone unrocked on the face of the earth. Plus, he did gilmore girls talk about negative credability.

2. Fred Durst- Even though some say the threat of hurricane frat boy, wielding a broken rolling rock bottle while simultaneously raping your girlfriend is over I can't help but think it isn't over it's just changed faces. This one includes all the Fred Dursts (Kid Rock, Tommy Lee, Daughtry, etc.)

3. Dane Cook- Now that takes gaul what you went and did. Real juevos. How you've managed to pander to the masses with your mentally debilitating observations on what it's like to have fucked to every Meatloaf song is beyond me. Rot.

4. Boston- Sure it may not be something tangible, as it is just some boundaries drawn in and around the biggest conglomerate of obnoxious dumbfucks on the eastern seaboard, but it is also a state of mind. Anyway, you can't be both the originators of that family guy accent and the hometown of Dane Cook without seeing this coming. Fuck you Boston, you crater oozing with abcess filled with a congregation of cock jockeys.

5. Casey affleck- Gerry? What a waste of energy, and time. I mean for me, for having watched that dog turd slathered in a cocksnot reduction and topped off with a pig bile amusee`

Zach Braff: for the shallow, obnoxious mess that is Garden State. And for the Last Kiss, because he might as well have directed it.

Carlos Mencia: Or should I say Ned Arnel Mencia? I didn't think it was possible to hate someone I didn't know personally, but Ned transcends any common sense in that regard.

Jessica Alba: Worthless. Absolutely worthless. There are plenty of beautiful women with good bodies in Hollywood that can ACTUALLY ACT. And what's up with blue contacts in half the movies she's in?? You have brown eyes, deal with it. Or rather, the casting directors should by picking someone else.

Paul Haggis: I'm a little reluctant about this one, because he's probably a decent guy. It's just really frustrating that *this man* is considered one of the best writers in Hollywood. I think of all the wonderful screenplays collecting dust on coffee shop tabletops and cringe.

Paris Hilton: Because honestly, she just needs to get the shit beaten out of her.

Yipppee, so glad you took my suggestion!!! I feel so honored. :-)

Mine are....
1.Bill O'Reilly (needs no explanation)

2. All of Jim Carey's characters in any movie (minus Eternal Sunshine) b/c I cannot stand the voice or facial expressions

3. Heather number 1 from Heathers (especially when she says to Veronica "transfer to Jefferson, transfer to .... no one here is going to play your reindeer games")

4. James Spader (he just HAS to be type casted in all of those asshole roles)

5. Kurt Schilling.... It really pissed me off the year he wore the t-shirt that said "Why Not Us" like he was part of some group that was being oppressed or something. It STILL irks me!!

Extra , Thunderdome match:

Barbara Walters, two enter one leaves grandma, BRING IT!

In no particular order~

1.) Keira Knightly (I'd love to punch her right in that perpetually open-mouthed pout of hers.)
2.) Paris Hilton
3.) Evangeline Lilly (merely a representative of all the actresses who complain about not being taken seriously for their talent and only being seen as a sex object, and then proceed to do photoshoots in their underwear)
4.) Sean Hannity or whatever Fox News Douche that's in the general vicinity.
5.) Tom Cruise (For daring to pretend to know the slightest thing about post-partum depression. Now that's a paddlin'.)

1. Barney. That purple, ChoMo ain't fooling me.
2. The first weather man I see with some stupid-ass, made-up name like "Dallas Rains" or "April Snow" or "Smog McButtfuck"
3. Gloria Estefan . I would wait until she is in the middle of the chorus to the Rhythm is Going to Get You song and then sucker-punch her in the gut.
4. Bruce Lee. I would kick the crap out of the corpse then go around telling people, "Yah, I fought Bruce Lee once. Left him for dead."
5. That alien thing from American Dad. Annoys the fuck out of me.

Gwen Stefani.
I might have to hire a pinch-hitter, though, to ensure the proper amount of excruciating pain. She should suffer the same agony she's made countless others suffer by unleashing her 'music' upon the world.


Ann Coulter (even though she's a given).


Sarah Silverman. Does anyone else think she is tragically un-funny?


Celine Dion. I worked in a movie theater when Titanic came out and had to hear that dreadful song every time the doors opened at the end of the movie.


Meatloaf. For the song 'Paradise by the Dashboard Light.'

1. Steven Spielberg
2. George Lucas
3. Gene Roddenberry's corpse in space
4. Donald Trump's hair
5. Bono

I decided to go the fictional characters route:

1. Dawn Summers, Buffy's little sister (thank you to an above poster for proving to me that I am not the only one who couldn't fucking stand her...I mean really, Glory was like my all-time favorite villan, and I can still barely watch season 5 because of Dawn's incessant whining...plus, when she kicked Buffy out of her own house in season 7...FUCK.YOU.)

2. Dolores Umbridge (again, thanks to an above poster....I HATE that woman, and she's not even real)

3. Percy Wetmore, from "The Green Mile" (I know the movie is long and sappy, but I have never yelled at the screen more than when that fucker didn't wet the sponge...it still makes me angry)

4. Nurse Mildred Ratched, from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" (That was one well-deserved Oscar for this performance, that woman both terrified me, and made my blood boil)

5. Paris Hilton (because I consider her a fictional character, NO ONE could be that stupid, that skanky, that arrogant, that deluded and that much of a whore and be real. Plus, I would sell my soul for a chance to kick her ass...except I'm sure she already has a pact with the Devil, it's the only way to explain her "fame")

I loathe Ann Coulter as much as anyone, but I think what she really needs is love. Can't you see it in her eyes? She has clearly never known human affection, and if she ever did, the insanity would stop. Immediately.
To be clear, I am not volunteering to love her (because I hate her) but someone should. Karl Rove, maybe, or someone of a similarly soft physique.

1) Ann Coulter(I'll bring a bucket of water, the we'll see who's the stupid one, bitch!*Disclaimer: I do not intentionally hate women or want to harm them, I just CAN'T STAND Ann Coulter or her Spewing of lies)
2) Bob Ewell (Bastard frames Tom Robinson for rape and gets away with it!)
3) Brandon Davis (Honestly, he's famous for insulting LiLo's Vagina?)
4) Perez Hilton (Yes, I kind of stole it, but something about his lack of any class irritates me. And his devout readers defend the hack of the media!)
5) Bill o' Reilly(Enough said)

1. Paul McCartney - Complete douche. Fuck that guy. I've never understood the attraction. He hasn't made any good music since the 70's.

2. Art Alexakis(singer for Everclear) - He's the only human being that makes me violent when I see his picture. I don't know anything about him but I hate his face.

3. Rachael Ray - I would beat her down and piss on her face. Yummo!!

4. Mark Cuban - Cock.

5. Jaime Foxx - What a horrible human being.

1. Kirsten Dunst: If I read one more interview where this self-absorbed bitch talks about how dull it is to earn millions of dollars while making action movies, I will be forced to kick her ass for real.

2. Perez Hilton: No explanation necessary.

3. Sienna Miller: For somehow hoodwinking people into thinking she is a style icon.

4. Brett Ratner: Just to watch him cry.

5. Heather Mills: I know I'm not the only one who'd love to knock this gold-digger down a peg or five.

Scarlett Johansson was my #6, for being the most overrated actress and sex symbol of all time, and I consider Ann Coulter and her ilk to be a given.

Wow, nobody dares to fight Ghandhi?

Keeping in mind, I'm in favor of the taser or the face punch I have the ultimate:

JOE "Girls Gone Wild" FRANCIS. He makes my skin crawl. I hate everything about that man. I would just taser him repeatedlly in the family region.

For the record- I'd say stay away from scrappy drunken Irishmen. I'm pretty sure Colin Farrell would kick some ass and Bono would conjure up his so-called Punk Rock days.

1. I can't believe I'm even considering her a "celebrity," but Rachael Fucking Ray--slam her face with a garbage bowl...

2. Rosie O'Donnell--I could take her only after she'd been tazered...

3. Paul Reiser--for letting the Alien on the ship ("Aliens" reference)

4. Sean Penn--righteous holier-than-thou asswipe (little-man complex)

5. Chris Tucker--just has it coming

5.

Wait, wait! I forgot Joe Francis!

I don't think he's technically a 'celebrity', but he is misogynist douche-iness embodied and deserves a beatdown. Although since one of my picks wasn't technically *me* serving the pain (Gwen Stefani getting beat by her own hired Harajuku girls), I can still include him. Right?

I'm a lover, not a fighter, but.................

1. Bill Kristol: that smug fucker needs a sixpack of asswhup- and then needs to go walk point on a patrol in downtown baghdad
2. Rush Limbaugh: Substitute "fat" for "smug" and repeat as described above
3. James Dobson: I don't need to hit this guy, cause there's a special place in hell for guys like him
4. P Diddy: because he just won't go away

1) Kimora Lee Simmons - uhg she's annoying
2) Avril Lavingne - not talent hack
3) Tom Brady - only so my Skins have a shot at winning on Sunday
4) Misha Barton - why is she famous?
5) Pete Wentz - eyeliner much?

1) Keira Knightley: I have irrationally hated this girl for years now. She's talentless and ugly as sin, and I resent the constant declarations of her great beauty. Between her ginormous jaw, crazy-assed teeth, and disturbingly scrawny body, I can't understand how anybody finds her attractive. She's so emaciated, I'm sure I could take her ass down without much effort.

2)The main actress on that shitty "Bones" show, something-or-other Deschanel. My god. Her acting is as wooden as a toothpick. I hate the character she portrays as much as I hate the actress, and her lantern-jawed, beady-eyed self deserves a good throat kicking.

3) Denzel Washington. He reaks of smug asshattery.

4) I'm totally on board with the Criss Angel ass-kicking. Man, he's the biggest douche alive I think. His whole wannabe-Alice-Cooper routine grates something fierce.

5) John Travolta. If the rumours about his treatment of his allegedly autistic son are true, then I would gladly beat the crap out of that asshole. All I'd need is a brick in a pillowcase, and I'd beat him until he's an unrecognizable pile of hamburger. Asshole.

In no particular order ...




Michael Vick - just as an example of anyone who would do those kinds of crimes to the helpless.




Kayne West - ah to never have to listen to your craptastic whining or hear about it in the news like you matter




Kevin Smith - for glorifying idiocracy




Kate Moss - not only is this chick butt-ugly, she advocates anorexia. I'd so beat her skinny ass down.




And because they're equally crappy - Ewe Boll/Eli Roth/Quentin Terintino

Robocop
Rosie
Jim Carey
Bitch fight between Paula Deen and Rachael Ray - this I would pay to see

1. Kirsten Dunst-damn that bitch is fugly
2. Tom Cruise-just shut the fuck up and leave the Beckhams alone. They are way more fun and campy than you and your zombie bride are.
3. Britney Spears-hopefully she wont choke to death on her cheetos before i can get to her
4. Ann Coulter-obviously
5. Julia Roberts-yeah, I said it. That bitch can't act.

1. Dane Cook
2. Dane Cook
3. Dane Cook
4. Peyton Manning

aaaand...

5. Dane Cook

i totally agree with whomever said sarah silverman is NOT funny. i can't stand her.

1. cousin oliver. he ruined the brady bunch for me...and i hated his hair.

2. keira knightley just needs to be slapped.

3. any of the jackass guys. throw kat von d in there as well.

4. mark mcgrath. his songs make my skin crawl.

5. chloe sevigny. if you've seen her in anything, you know what i'm talking about.

"5. Angelina Jolie - not because I hate her, but because it would be equal parts terrifying and the hottest thing ever. Id wear those battle scars proudly."

Ohhhh, you beat me to it!

So:

2. Tom Cruise - I've disliked him since day one.

3. Gilad - you know, the exercise guy. God, he's so annoying.

4. Teri Hatcher - don't know anything about her or any of her shows, but every time I see her face, I want to smack her.

5. Sarah Silverman - The Aristocrats was so awesome and after that, it wasn't really funny any more.

1. Victoria Beckham
2. Her left implant
3. Her right implant

Only two more choices? Narrowing those down is damn near impossible.

I'm rather horrified that so many folks who hate Perez are willing to call him a celebrity (glowers in Dustin's general direction). Not that he doesn't deserve a solid ass kicking, but he's such a masochist, he'd enjoy it. And where's the fun in that? I feel similarly about Gmork (The tall, blond, gargoyle of lies. I can't bring myself to type a name that even remotely sounds like her own.). These people feed off of hatred. Ergo, I decided to create my list solely of folks who NEED to be loved. But after reading all these wonderful suggestions, it seems those who are most deserving (Dane, Tyra, Tom etc) are well covered so I'd like to forgo picking multiple peeps and offer that I will personally kick John Mayer's ass five times over. He'll need time to heal in between each beat down in order to achieve maximum impact. It's going to be a long, drawn out project but it's one to which I am wholly committed.

1. Ann Coulter.. Man, she makes my skin crawl.

2. Dick Cheney... Asshole

3. Eddie Murphy... Perhaps I could beat some quality control into him.

4. George Lucas. I'd like to beat artistic integrity into his system. Then beat him again because then he'd understand all the horrible things he's done to his legacy.

5. I was going to go with a religious figure here, but figured it might be in bad taste so... Ronald McDonald. Cause it'd be really funny to beat up a clown.

Honorable Mention: Wal-Marts board of directors.

Mother Teresa. I think I could take her.

Danke Barbado. While I'd love to take credit for being all kinds of out-of-the-blue clever, Gmork is the evil wolf who does the bidding of the Nothing in my all time fave childhood flick, "The Never Ending Story." A perfect parallel, n'est pas?

1. Claire Danes: You husband-stealing, potato-faced, Yale-legacy-who-acts-like-she-got-in-on-her-own half-wit.

2. Ben Stiller: You are about 1/10 as funny as you think you are. Also (and many of you know this is my pet peeve), please, please, please stop casting your wife and taking opportunities from other blandly attractive actresses in Hollywood.

3. Gwyneth Paltrow: I've hated you ever since I saw you on the Actor's Studio and, when asked what profession you'd least like to be, you giggled preciously and said "a coal miner." AS IF YOU HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT THE JOB ENTAILS. Please stay in England with your tubercular children and husband, you limey wannabe.

4. Jenna Bush: First, you traipse around wasted and entitled whilst your peers duke it out in Iraq. Then, you unleash some piece-of-shit book about whatever poseur Peace Corps-esque adventures you had in Jamaica/Guatemala/Mexico (God knows you don't know the difference). This pathetic attempt at appearing socially responsible hasn't gone unnoticed by yours truly, my pretty. May I add that you're taking valuable shelf space from struggling *legitimate* writers (see also 2, supra).

5. W. I don't think I need to explain this one. If W's not available, Cheney'll do.

You people are missing some really obvious ones:

5/4 (TIE)- Every Demoncrat in Congress/Every Repubelickan in Congress. I'm out of shape, walk with a cane, and have a heart problem, but the sheer fury in my soul for the way these asshats have collectively sold America down the fucking river in their pursuit of power and money gives me the strength of Samson on steroids. I'd beat them all. Repeatedly. And die happy.

3- Pat Robertson. This lying heap of deliquescing dog shit needs to be horsewhipped until he joins Jerry Falwell in Hell.

2- King Fahd. 90% of the world's problems with Islamowhackjobs would not exits but for this rat abortion funding every Muslim with a chip on his shoulder and poor cognitive abilities. "Jihad THIS motherfucker!"

1- Phreaky Phred Phelps AND his Phucked-up Phamily. Religious asshats all need to be repeatedly pounded like drums, but this heap of brothel-mattress squeezings doesn't believe in anything except how to make money by pissing off everyone with a conscience.

Dishonorable Mentions:

- The "Don't taze me, bro" guy.
- Alberto "I don't recall" Gonzales ... for a lot of things, but especially for putting two Border Patrol guys in prison for doing their jobs.
- Pope Palpatine I ... for being in the Hitler Youth and being the #1 Pointy-Hat in the exclusive Pointy-Hats Club for Pedophiles.
- Robert Jordan ... for dragging out his Wheel of Time series far beyond all reason and then dying before finishing the story.
- Mahmoud Ahminadinnerjacket ... for many things, but largely for giving Holocaust Deniers a Home Away From Home. Eat A Bowl Of Dicks, Mr. "There are no Homosexuals in Iran".

1. Kirsten Dunst for being a self entitled fugly ass bitch that seems like a horrible little person in her interviews and couldn't act her way out of a paper bag. Does not showering and dressing like a hobo (albeit one that shops in mega expensive vintage shops and exclusive boutiques) make you feel more down to earth? Because it just make me want to knock out your snaggle tooth.

2. Fergie for being a horrible singer that sings about nothing other than how glamorous and gorgeous she is. Will people please stop trying to convince me that she's hot. She looks like a tranny, and not a very convincing one. Oh, and congratulations, you can spell.

3. Avril Lavigne. I know I probably incorrectly spelled that, but I'm not dignifying her worth with so much as a google search. You're married in your twenties, so quit acting like a punk pop princess and grow the fuck up. My sister likes your music, and that's a straight up insult.

4. Rachel Ray, I want to grab that skillet off the grill and smack that cheesy grin straight off your face. Thirty minute meals? You made a hot dog salad. You put hot dogs on a fucking salad. That's not right by any stretch of the imagination. Shhh... Stop talking. Just no.

5. Tyra Banks. I don't think I need to say anything else. Pretentious cow with a bad weave! Sorry. That just sort came out.

Wow. That was cathartic.

Oh, and please include all right wing political pundits bitching about a "liberal bias," all variety of young celebutard, and pretty much the entire Bush administration.

Fatality bonus round! with machetes:

I'm calling you out Courtney Love, it's time you paid for killing Kurt.

Michael Vick Sean Penn Mann Bolter Dick Cheney Dennis Miller

Michael Vick Sean Penn Mann Bolter Dick Cheney Dennis Miller

Luke Skywalker--with the blast shield down. Fuck your power converters, Luke.

1. Paris Hilton
2. Britney Spears
3. Ann Coulter
5. Tom Cruise
5. Joe Francis

Can we please have a contest or something with this? Like, the #1 most named person gets a crate of poisonous snakes and tsetse flies dumped down their air vent while they're sleeping? Please? I really want to see Paris Hilton covered in festering maggot hatcheries and snake bites. Or Ann Coulter.

People who I don't know how they got famous:
1. Kiera Knightly (at least half the time I want to punch her in the face because she was so miscast and can't carry a movie)
2. Orlando Bloom (not actually a good actor, which is perfect for speaking exposition aka Legolas)
3. Gwen Stefani (she used to be kind of cool, now she just exploits Asians)
4. The Cast of Friends (except Chandler)
5. The Cast of Grey's Anatomy

Donald Trump: No one cares what you think about Rosie or Angelina or ANYTHING. I am going to make you eat that combover.

Avril Lavigne: I am going to send my nine-year-old to kick your ass. Shut your bubble gum punk ass mouth.

Tucker Carlson: I'm gonna swing by Jon Stewart's house and I will hold you down while he shove's that bow tie up your ass.

Michael Kay (Yankee announcer for YES network): I would love to rip A Rod's arm out of its sockett and beat you with it you untalented Steinbrenner puppet hack.

Sean Combs: No, I'm not calling you by your latest idiotic nickname. Punk.

I forgot Michelle Malkin. I'd have a huge pack of rabid Shih-Tzus eat her face. Slowly.

Michael Bay: self explanatory.

Scott Boras: I hate you. A lot.

Dane Cook: If I ever hear someone say "Theres only one October" in real life, in seriousness, I think I'd kill them.

Anyone who has ever appeared on VH1's "Best Week Ever"

Jared Leto: I mean, why not?

I'm sort of actress-oriented so.... in no particular order:

1. Keira Knightley
2. Zooey Deschanel
3. Jessica Alba
4. Jessica Biel
5. Claire Danes

I despise Jake Gyllenhaal and his idiotic sister Maggie (who's capable of about two things, acting-wise), Gwyneth Paltrow, Reese Witherspoon, Wilmer Valderama (or however you spell the douche's name), Lindsay Lohan, George Clooney, Patricia Heaton, Mel Gibson, Katherine Heigl (cringe-inducing, really), Eli Roth.

I have two major shameful hates (people that I'm ashamed to say I dislike because there are certain aspects about them that ROCK), which are Johnny Depp and Cate Blanchett. One the one hand, there are movies where I've loved these two- on the other hand I don't think there performances are that strong nor particularly varied. Johnny Depp's peg-leg, twitchy, high-voiced routine is sort of self-defeating, no? And Cate just... she seems very- and I kind of hate this word, but it applies, imo- pretentious. And like she really seems to think she's an amazing actress, herself. And Johnny seems like he'd be such a douche in real life.

I kind of cringe whenever these two pop up in interviews in magazines 'cause god only knows what's going to come out of their mouths.

I fucking hate liberal guilt.

Posted by: Uncle Sam at October 24, 2007 9:48 PM

**************************************************

None of your dittohead talking points and "buzzwords" apply to this so called liberal guilt. You talk about the real REAL bad guys. Are you referring to the same Bin Laden that was propped up and financed by successive Republican administrations when he was Mujahiden?
You talk about the Iranian's extremist president yet I wonder if your Conservative puppetmasters ( you know, the ones who tell YOU to despise your fellow citizens and to advocate sending ALL our kids to get murdered on some fucking desert where they have no business being while their own privileged brood will never see combat), that for decades WE supported a repressive Sha government that pillaged Iran and laid the groundwork for all these extremists.
Ah, did they tell you that part?

I thought this was about celebrities we'd like to freebie punch?
1. Ann Coulter
2. Tom Brady
3. Tom Cruise
4. Billy Crudup
5. Rachael Ray

Like a divirsion, for fun. Not that I condone violence, of course...

does pulling hair count?

I'm not disturbed at all that my list was comprised entirely of American politicians responsible for the waste of thousands of lives and other tragedies too numerous to list. The Bush family has been fucking with us for much longer than Jon Stewart has been telling us what to think.

1. Oprah - You get a car!! You get a car!! I did not get a car, you bitch. Add in Rachel "Sammies" Ray here as well.

2. This is a deathmatch - Carson Daly vs. Ryan Seacrest. Either way, both go down. It will be a tool-off.

3. Curt Schilling - It must be soo hard being you, Super Curt. So hard. Shut the fuck up and play you fucking asshat. I could add the entire Red Sox team here, but Schilling is the person I hate the most.

4. Peyton Manning - This is for all those years playing for UT. Damn you for bringing "Rocky Top" to primetime and forcing the entire SEC to have to listen to repeated playings of that damn song and the rhythmic clapping that accompanies it. Damn you Manning, damn you. Actually, screw that and add the entire Manning family here.

5. Nancy Grace - I hate this woman with the passion of a thousand firey suns. This bitch deserves to be tortured via "A Clockwork Orange" and forced to watch her insipid ramblings over and over and over again. I just want to take a stapler to her head while "Happy Days Are Here Again" plays in the background. I hate her.

6. Tom Cruise - Fuckin' judgemental, arrogant, drawf. Psychology is a "pseudoscience"?!?!?? I will show you psuedoscience. You will have to leave the lifts and the robot at home, but I will take pleasure in mopping the floor with you.

Honorable mentions: Dane Cook, Sarah Silverman, creator of "Family Guy", Tarantino, and the cast of "American Idol".

There is nmo way in hell I can winnnow this list down to five.

1) Dick Cheney

2) Donald Rumsfeld

3) Colin Powell

4) George W. Bush

5) Karl Rove

6) Rupert Murdoch

7) Sean Hannity

8) Bill Kristol

9) George Will

10) Christopher Hitchens

and, because he is a complete douchebag who should die in a slow-burning fire, tied to a stake...

11) Fred Phelps

1. Tom Cruise...and also for the same basic reasons-

2. Matthew McConaughy. Just looking at pictures of those shit ass grins they both always seem to be sporting makes me want to punch them right in the teeth. Scientology, the apparent need to be shirtless in every movie, the fact that I had to research how to spell your last name, all deserve a punch in the teeth.

3. Sarah Michelle Gellar. Again, a face that needs a punch. For no real reason other than I don't like it.

4. Lacey from "Rock of Love" This could probably be considered a fictional character, since being on a "reality" show probably means you are a "persona," not who you really are.

5. The character Holly Hunter played in "Home for the Holidays." This has morphed into a general hatred of Holly Hunter. That voice is like an ice pick to the eardrum. "The Piano" actually wasn't so bad. Because she was mute.

The comment was to imply that Mamoud and other hardline Muslim would think nothing of seeing a friend of Dorothy at the end of a rope. I guess that was lost on you... like common sense and ideas on getting laid.

Way to assume I'm a neo-con, as well as the awesome cliches you rattled off. I thought you peacenik liberals were supposed to be open-minded? Has all the babies you've been killing in back alleys after your weekly terrorist blowjob sessions finally cracked your bong-addled brain?

You see what I did there? Assumptions aren't fun. They make an ass out of you and me.

Just think objectively for a second (hard for today's political watcher, I know, but bear with me). I just think it's funny that given the magical ability to beat-up any famous person, people went right for their own President and talking heads whose opinions have no bearing on anything and are utterly meaningless. I don't care if O'Reilly or Coulter live or die of the plague, so your little Limbaugh dig has even less impact than you might have imagined. Doesn't any one else think it's weird that people chose these folks over the Kim Jong-Ils, Bin Ladens, Mamouds, Putins, etc etc?

Where is Trey Parker and Matt Stone when you need them?

Celebrity? Hmmm... does Rupert Murdoch count? That would be like fighting Satan.

1. Gwen Stefani - I love seeing how many others share my passionate loathing for this sorry excuse wrapped in a candy exterior. I hated her voice from day one and think she should be ashamed to call what she writes 'lyrics'. Talk about living in denial while surrounded by yes-men.

2. Ashlee Simpson - a walking anathema. I want to kick her ass AND her plastic surgeon's! Meet me at Thunderdome!!!

3. Jennifer Lopez - have you seen the ad for her new song? What expensive, pretentious CRAP! It'd be fierce, but I want to break her ego.

4. Dr.Phil - I *know* it wouldn't take much for him to transform into his real self.

5. I'd love to team up with Bruce Lee against George Bush, Dick Cheney, Richard Nixon, and Rupert Murdoch. Let me daydream...

Ah - this was more satisfying than I anticipated.

1. Ann Coulter
2. Paris Hilton
3. Spencer Pratt
4. Izzie Stevens (What? She's not real?)
5. Jessica Alba

"Where is Trey Parker and Matt Stone when you need them?"

I think they're off looking for subject/verb/object agreement.

1. Bono - I hate that arrogant prick. I could maybe forgive the ridiculousness of his supposed support for the poor while he wears $1000 pairs of shades if he at least made decent music, but U2 seriously makes me dry-heave with anger whenever they come on the radio.

2. Ann Coulter - Coultergeist, as I believe Colbert called her, is a psychotic bitch who needs to be taken off the air.

3. Gwen Stefani - for crimes against music.

4. Fergie - see #3

5. Seth McFarlane - I think that's the Family Guy dude's name at least. That is some seriously unfunny shit.

Nothings as fun as some good old fashioned blood-lust! One of the best diversions ro date.

The whole fucking cast of the View, past, present etc. every single one of those bitches needs to be hurt.

Oooo fun times ahead:
1. Kierstin Dunst, I hate her to much to even know how to spell her name.
2. Jessica Alba, I'm pretty sure she has a deal going on with the devil.
3. Oprah, she is the devil.
4. Freddie Prinz Jr. Only because I really want to see him cry,
and 5. Edward Norton, don't get me wrong I love him, I'm pretty sure I would marry him given half a chance. But you know you want to give him a try.

Okay, I would kick the ever living shit out of the following:

1)Rachel Ray. She made it impossible for me to purchase my annual x-mas time box of triscuits because her talentless disgusting face was on every box. And for saying EVOO. That makes my blood boil.

2)Avril Levine. Just an asshole. Asshole asshole asshole.

3) The Characters in F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Beautiful and Damned. Spoiled rotten miserable assholes.

4) Ewe Boll. Who the fuck keeps giving this guy money?

5) Tara Reid. She shoved me at a night club once and called me the c-word. Come say it to my face, bitch!

all the other gimmes too, coulter, cruise (tom) et al.

- Ryan Seacrest.
- The whole cast of "The Hills." And "Laguna Beach."
- Dane Cook (obviously)
- Like, Paris Hilton, like.
- Michael Bay.

(sorry: "than")

In the spirit, here's a list of historical figures who could've used a swift smack upside the head:

1) Caligula - He had the same same problem Michael Jackson's got - he never heard the word "no" when he was young.
2) Napoleon - After getting smacked down from trying to conquer Europe, he gets exiled to a Mediterranian paradise on Elba, but does he let it go? Noooooo, he tries again, and loses again, this time, they ship him off to St. Helena, a barren rock in the South Atlantic. Nice one, Corporal.
3) Theodore Roosevelt - Just HAD to run for a third term, and inadvertently de-balled the liberal wing of the Republican Party in the process.
4) Robert Jackson - Nearly fucked up the Nuremberg Trials because he insisted on being in charge, even though he didn't know what the hell he was doing. Thank God the British were there to clean up the mess, or Goering and his boys might have walked (not really, but it could've been bad).
5) Catherine Harris - If Florida's Secretary of State hadn't been a partisan hack in 2000, during the election recount, how different might the country, indeed the world be right now?

*clap* *clap* *clap* Well played indeed UncleSam, and, I'm sorry I mistakenly labeled you as a NeoCon I know I wouldn't want to be associated with that crew either.

Anyway, back on topic:

Let me get an extra barbed-wired caged match in there, with Dick Clark.

There's no escape, I'm gonna get you old man.

1. Bill O'Reilly.
2. Ralph Reed.
3. The Fox commentators always disparaging the Red Sox. Fuck you. It's just a baseball game. Have some journalistic integrity and comment on the game without being big bitchy queens about it. And all this Patriots hate? Well, shut up and beat them goddamnit. You're like those bad Red Sox fans who are neurotically obsessed with the Yankees.
4. Kristin Chenoweth. She's a douche bag and possesses the most annoying voice ever.
5. The character Jonathan Lavery on ABC's All My Children.

PS I think ScarJo is HOT...

Okay...there are some people like Ann Coulter and Dane Cook that are just automatic douchebags in need of a curb stomping. So I'll focus my vitrol on other deserving recipiants in no particular order.

1) Scientologists and L Ron Hubbard - I want to dig up this asshat's mouldy, child molesting, ametuer abortionist corpse and give it to Carrot Top to skull fuck. Not just for his general hideousness but because he's managed to taint any joy I once got from Beck, Giovanni Ribsi and Jason Lee. When I was done with L Ron I'd move to his lieutenants of evil Tom Cruise and John Travolta. I'd rip off Travolta's weave and choke Tommy Boy with it.

2) Avril Lavinge - Not only because she's a no talent hack that should be living back home in Napanee as a mother of 5 on welfare working at the Giant Tiger (Seriously the only reason to ever actually go to Napanee...trust me.) But also because she sings like a scalded cat. I'd shove her fricking tie down her perpetually frowning bitch mouth.

3) Scarlett Johanssen - She may be 'pretty' but she can't act her way out of a paper bag because even in her mid twenties she's botoxed to hell and back. I've seriously made a game of watching her try to emote when she can't move her face.

4) Oprah - Yeah, Momma O you've got no problem at all laying into James Frey for daring to lie to you...but Jessica Seinfield can plagerize a whole book and you turn the other cheek because she sends you a basket of Laboutins? You wanna know one of my 'favorite things"? Beating you with a 1000$ (Canadian!) shoe.

5) Paris Hilton - Simply for being a lying, lazy, pathetic, fame whore. Best part is she's currently in T.O so this one could actually happen. If you hear about her randomly being beaten by someone wielding a frozen trout as a baseball bat...you'll know where to send the money for my defense fund.

1. Paris Hilton - because she invokes so much rage in me. i loathe her very being. even thinking about her makes me.... time to go take a valium and calm down.

2. Kendra from "The Girls Next Door"- because stupidity upsets/irritates me. and she has a "grille"

3. Britney Spears - because somebody needs to knock some sense into her.

4. Mariah Carey - hanging out in lingerie, ear-piercing shrill singing, doing the stair master in high heels/lounging in a bubble bath on MTV "Cribs"... she's just bothered the hell out of me for about 10 years.

5. Kanye West - for throwing hissy fits when not getting his way and acting like a big baby when not winning awards. i used to like him, but he's gotten a little irritating. you are not the best in the world dude, get over yourself.

At first I thought it might be hard to come up with 5, but once I started thinking about it my list got longer and longer. Here it is:

1. Carson Daily- I have hated that guy since he was on TRL. I can't believe that they gave him another show.
2. Sienne Miller- I hate that people think she is a fashion icon when she dresses like an idiot. Also I would have to kick her ass just because of what she said about Pittsburgh.
3. Ryan Seacrest- That guy is just sooo lame. I almost feel bad for him... and then i hear him talk.
4. Sarah Silverman- She is not funny and her voice makes me want to die.
5. Bill O'Rielly- I hate this guy more than any of the other people on this list.

There are so many other ones, but most of them have been said already.

I'm late to the game but I want to play anyway, when I started compiling my list (which sits beside me on a green post-it note, if I forget to destroy it things may well end badly for me) there was only one name that stuck in my mind and that name is.

Natasha Kaplinsky.

I realise that anyone who isn't British won't have the faintest clue who the hell I'm talking about - and believe me, that's a theme that will pop up again, roughly another four times - but she is literally the worst person in the world. She's horrifyingly smug and glossy and highlighted and the sight of her makes me want to wrench out my own fingernails just so that I will have something to throw at her. And I can't explain why, no matter how hard I try and literally nobody understands my hatred of her.

The rest of my list is made up of tabloid columnists who actually make me hiss whenever I have the misfortune to read anything written by them, specifically: Richard Littlejohn, Kelvin Mackenzie and Ulrika Johnsson. If you want to understand why I hate them look up anything any of them have ever written. Seriously.

Last but by no means least is Jimmy Carr a man that I would pay to even have the chance of punching in the face. Because he's vile, utterly unfunny and has a face that just begs for it.

aw man. my internet was out yesterday, so I missed this...
1. Avril Levigne - someone needs to take that narcissistic twit down a few notches.
2. Jared Leto - god I hate that eyeliner and emo boy haircut.
3. Constantine Margolis (if Idol losers count) - honey, that expression you think is so sexy? It's what we ladies like to call "doucheface."
4. George Lucas. He knows what he did.
5. Ann Coulter. too obvious? but it would be so much fun.

Does anyone else wonder Ann Coulter performs in bed....or is it just me?

1. Avril Lavigne. Fake-ass punk wannabe.

2. Cameron Diaz. The laugh alone is worth a beating.

3. Paris Hilton. No explanation needed for this STD ridden parasite.

4. This may not count, (they're pseudo-celebrities after all) but all those brats on that "My Sweet 16" show. Those ungrateful shits need a good ass kicking.

5. Jimmy Fallon. This one I would truly relish. I despise him for his shitty "acting" on SNL, and his films are even worse. I'd kick his ass while yelling "Laugh at this, asshole!"

Hey Uncle Sam: See what happened here? You had your say and people who disagreed with you debated with you, but no-one tried to put you in jail or discredit your family or take away your right to free speech. Yeah, our liberal guilt can be a burden sometimes but don't you enjoy having your say courtesy of our liberal values? You're welcome. No, really, it was nothing.

BS - I'm betting Coulter is a starfish type of gal...either that or she likes it in the backdoor. I also think she'd go ass to mouth.

1. Byron Allen...Oh, Jesus, Byron f*cking Allen. A beating's too good for him. I want to roll over his legs slowly with a steam roller. Then he'd probably say something like, "Wow, that steamroller's hot. Hey Carrot Top, doesn't your mom have hot flashes?" Then Carrot Top would pull a strobe light duct-taped to a window fan out of his ass and thirteen thousand brain dead neuters would chuckle, fart, drink and wipe another drool puddle off their muumuus. Christ in the Sky, I hate this prick and everything he stands for. I want him dead...DEAD DEAD DEAD!

2. An open note to Dennis Miller:
Dear Dennis Miller, I once heard you invoke the words of Bill Hicks to defend the Neoconservative Administration. Thank you for showing me what it means to fail at life. Don't bother explaining yourself. You are scum, absolute scum. He did you a favor, appearing on your show at the beginning, and this is how you remember him. You are a friend to no one and nothing. You're just pathetic, and your vanity is all the moreso for it. Even worse, you are boring. You are banal in that quiet, ignorable way that has been known to disguise true evil. And while you haven't killed anybody or singlehandedly taken a nation into war, I am scared to look into your soul, Dennis. You have failed at life, and, like the smell of almonds on an open wound, I don't want the stink of that near me.
Honestly, I could understand if you were just ignorant. If you were, what's his name, the redneck 'Here's your Sign' guy who thinks no one else but him read Mad Magazine as a kid...If you were that guy and really didn't know what was going on at all, I wouldn't care. But you had to know who these guys were and what they were about. You had to know what you were saying. You've been around comedians most of your life and comedians are some of the shrewdest judges of character I know. What the fUck happened to you? Did you have a price on your head? Did you get busted doing something you shouldn't have? Please don't tell me it was just the money, because I don't think I could take that.
I'm posting your name as #2 on a list of people I'd like to personally beat (Byron Allen beat you for the number 1 spot, but just barely. ). But that's not really fair. Beating's too good for you. The person doing the beating might go too far and help you slip out of this life before you've had the chance to see your true nature. No, Dennis Miller. You have to live with your self and the shame. You have to walk every day under the gaze of your peers and answer for your associations YOU MADE with the most criminal class of people this country's ever seen. I certainly hope Rupert Murdoch's cash is as warm and loving as his ass was, bent over for you to kiss, because that's the only warmth this world has left for you. Now, go to hell.

3. Nancy Grace. Again, forget the beating. This woman needs to go on trial in southeast Asia, where they're used to monkey screechings day in and day out. They don't even need to have a trial. Just thrown her in a tiger cage and manacles for about, say, three years. Make her subsist on gruel, then when she gets used to that, grubs, then when she gets used to that, dirt and rocks and vitamin injections (I'm all about supporting Doctors Without Borders, here. We need their involvement). Then the local authorities could punish her with a full body melanin tattoo, making her look like the other 80% of the world. Her term of punishment done, they take her out of the cage and toss her into the cargo bay of a 747 bound for LA. If she doesn't die of hypothermia, personnel at the airport can grab her off the runway and put her in the trunk of their car. Then they drive her down to the nearest Wild Oats Food Market, cut her loose-- naked, covered in crap, dark-skinned and starved--and call those notoriously understanding LA Police with the address. Regardless of what happens next, she's off the air and we all win. Piña Coladas all around.

4. Amy Winehouse. Love the music. Love the girl. I heard somewhere she likes it rough. Rawr.

5. David Milch. Finish Deadwood, you bastard. Finish the goddamned story. It was the best television I've seen in at least ten years. It was a watershed of sophistication in content, structure and character. It was wonderful. Why wouldn't you lie, cheat and steal to resolve it fully? What else could be more important? Damn your eyes, David Milch. I want my Sweh-jinn. Do you hear me? Give me more Al Swearengen or I swear to God, I'm going to show you just how quickly a man's life can change! I'll shave your f*cking cats!

(Note: I've left publically elected officials off of here for a very specific reason. And it starts with a 'P' and ends with an 'ATRIOT ACT.' Live and learn, droogies.)

1). Rosie O'Donnell- It's wrong for a man to beat a women but she's the exception to the rule.
2). Mrs. Bill Clinton- Exception #2.
3). Geraldo - I'd ground pound him.
4). Achmedinajad - Stone him first, then kick him in the nads.
5). Bill Maher - Big fat phoney D lister.

John Mayer is in the Songwriter's Hall of Fame. He was voted in the same year a Kris Kristofferson. Smash his face.

Norah Jones needs to be silenced.

Nicole Kidman & Katie Holmes for protecting that little prick for money & fame.

Women's fashion designers who don't make their clothes any larger size than a 12 - and that means you Diane Von Furstenberg.

George Clooney for banging cocktail waitresses.

I'm going with an Aussie top five although I have to admit that you've definately got some good candidates over there in the US (Bill O'Reilly I hate you from afar).

1. Andrew Bolt - Australia's answer to Ann Coulter (bigoted, racist, sexist journalist)

2. Delta Goodrem - Just stop singing - please god stop singing

3. The Veronicas - I have a few friends who would gladly help me in this smack down. Please - whatever you do, don't let them take hold of your country too. You do not need these midget twin sister warbling at you.

4. Eddie McGuire - Anyone who isn't a Collingwood supporter hates this man. I can not express my desire to stuff his microphone down his throat.

5. Bert 'Moonface' Newton - Actually we'll include the whole newton family - with your abusive son and airhead daughter.

After all that I recommend anyone who is still reading this thread find the chaser's "he'll be a top bloke after death" song. You may not know the people it's referring to but god damn it's true. Anyone of the people that's been listed in this column will most likely be even more adored once they've died from your beatings. It's a song that funny, disturbing and true.

PaddyDog- I don't really get the aim of your statement. I don't consider those liberal qualties, I consider them American qualities. Part of what makes this country great, and part of why I never believe in the whole "America-as-hedonistic-Rome" doomsday predictions, is that there are checks and balances throughout this great land-some liberal, some convervative, some gay, some straight, some marching with for equal rights, some fucking their sisters in trailers. The bastards might seem to be winning (whether those bastards are Bush or Clinton superfans), the tide turns and changes occur... some for the better, some for the worse, it's all perspective.

Basically, I love the U.S., flaws and all, and I refuse to believe that even a cynical media whore who intentionally says provocative statements in order to increase book circulation deserves a curbing more than a woman-fearing anti-semitic conspiracy nut who brutalizes civilians without a single thought.

Actually, one of my five would be the programming head for MTV. I actually had a rant planned for "My Sweet 16" in particular, but the brand new review has rendered it moot. Instead, I would reserve some vitriol for the raging money-hungry executive dipshits without an inch of creativity or morals, dumbing down this generation so they can sell more ads for T-Mobile SIdekicks and Trojans.

Dicks.

1- Nicholas Cage- for what he's done to the world with Ghost Rider etc
2- Russell Crowe... with a phone
3- Fergie/ Avril Lavigne
4- The frontman for Panic! At The Disco- for making rock a dirty word
5- Chaucer. I hate the bastard. Not A Knight's Tale Paul Bettany Chaucer, but the man himself. I don't care if I'd be hitting a skeleton.

Hey Camilla - I'm hearing you with Eddie McGuire and Delta Goodrem.
But I'm going for something a little more generalised ...
1. any actor with a prominent jaw - Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Gwyneth Paltrow, Keira Knightley, Jennifer Aniston, etc.
2. celebusluts/celebutards (you said it ASterisk) - Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie, Kim Kard(whatever her name is), Kimberly Stewart (god, what a hard face)
3. general jerkoffs, wankers and tossers - the Beckhams (especially the Beckhams), Bono, Russel Crowe
4. rappers in general, 50cent in particular
5. the people who make sequels to movies like Oceans 11, Hostel, Saw, etc. and think the public is so dumb that they'll watch any tired/lame/fake piece of shit put in front of them.
OK. I think I'm done for now ...

1) Michael Moore
2) Hillary Clinton
3) Al Gore
4) Ingrid Newkirk
5) Anyone who proudly calls him/herself a "vegansexual."

Female list:
1. Teri "the hatch" Hatcher.
2. Sarah Jessica Parker. Fashionista, my ass!
3. Elizabeth Hurley. She puts the hurl in Hurley.
4. Keira Knightly. Elizabeth Bennett? I don't think so.
5. Jennifer Aniston. Beautiful? You could put up some condos on that chin.

Male list:
1. Ethan Hawke. The sensitive artist. POW, right in the kisser!
2. Kid Rock. White trash scabies host.
3. Pete Wentz. Fury wells up in my chest when I see his face. Put the guitar and the eyeliner down, you poser.
4. Kayne West. Whiny bitch.
5. Charlie Sheen. I've just had enough of him.

1. Michael Bay

2. Jamie Fox

3. Kate Moss

4. Jared Leto

5. Hulk Hogan's son

Ok, this has been fun, but also horribly predictable. Ann Coulter = Hitler, I get it, I get it. Kudos to Camilla for actually using her brain and mentioning Fred Phelps.
I propose more refined topics in the future - maybe fictional characters, since no one really tapped into those here?

Tyler Perry- Because he constantly hates on Black Woman and Gets away with it.

Mencia-- Jesus Christ man, you are not funny. You try to be Dave Chapell and Failed! Go home.

Andy Dick--That Shtick is fucking Tired. You aren't funny enough to be John Belushi's ass wiper.

The Entire Cast of 'Sweet Sixteen'- There is a reason they beheaded Marie Antionette

R Kelly-Because if you were not famous, you would be registered with the National Sex offenders Registry.

And they would all be killed by pushing them off the Chryster Building onto Ann Coulter who would then slowly and painfully die over the next week.

Ann Coulter is on everyone's list here. How unsurprising! I'm also surprised no one has attempted to kill her yet...I think poisoning her would work. But I think that would be too quick, we need something that would truly torture, maybe kidnapping her and tying her up in a gay hippie commune would make her short circuit and eventually she'd off herself seems like a more fitting death...don't you?

Oh and anyone who tries to fight Jessica Alba... I'm sorry but great vengence and furious anger will be brought down upon anyone laying so much as an awkward look in her direction.

1. Avril Lavigne- I would drop her off at a "real punk rock show" and watch her get beaten to death. Then i'd pull her blond extensions out of her corpse and put them on my mantle as a trophy.

2. The guy who said he hates Boston cause no one can diss massholes except other massholes!

3. The four horsemen of the apocalypse: Lindsay/Paris/Britney/Nicole

4. Carlos Mencia and anyone who finds him culturely relevent- It's the same joke over and over again! The same damn joke people! I feel like i'm taking crazy pills!

5. Calista Flockhart- She has not nor has she ever been any of the following: cute/funny/entertaining.

4.

I'm late to this, but fuck it, here's my list:

1. Neil Clark Warren - for creating eHarmony.com and bombarding us with commercials about finding the right mate on 29 levels of Jesus-loving, gay-bashing compatibility. I'll break your head off in James Dobson's ass, you goofy twat.

2. *.cable news. That includes CNN, to whose drivel, lazy pseudo-journalism and poor grammar I am forcibly subjected for 40 hours a week. Which segues nicely into...

3. Glenn Beck. Oh my god, just die, you fucking idiot. Eat a dick, place said dick-filled mouth on the nearest curb, and await further instruction. Oh, and Nancy Grace, my wife has dibs on your shrill ass.

4. Dane Cook. Okay, so this is the eleventy-billionth time he's been listed for a beatdown, but goddamn if he doesn't deserve it. There may be only one October, but if we ever meet, you won't make it out of November alive.

5. Whichever exec is in charge of VH1/E!/MTV/MTV2/Style, etc...so many good channels full of informative and genuinely entertaining programming, but my local public channels get pushed back into the wilderness of the 200+ digital cable range just so a bunch of fucking emo teenagers can whinge about their scripted problems on "The Real Road Hills", or whatever the fuck it's called? For god's sake, how can one show spawn like that; last I heard, cellular mitosis didn't apply to tripe.

And as a freebie postscript, give me Tucker Carlson in a Union Station bathroom with a 2x4. You'll enjoy your sodomy before I drown you in the toilet, you bowtie-wearing cunt.

1. RIHANNA!!! - I CANNOT STAND THAT BITCH! SHE CAN'T SING LIVE AND SHE SUCKS ASS, SHE HAS A HUGE FIVE-HEAD, and she copies THE BEST, BEYONCE.
2. THE GAME- THAT "RAPPER", JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.
3. LiL WAYNE- HE IS AN OK RAPPER, BE HE IS STUPID, GAY AND OVERRATED.
4. PINK- RASPY MAN VOICE, BITCH!
5. LAST BUT NOT LEAST!!- PEREZ HILTON- HE'S RETARTED AND STUPID AND WANTS TO BECOME FAMOUS BUT HE IS NOTHING BUT A DISGRACEFUL GAY GUY WHO MAKES PEOPLE HATE GAY PEOPLE. I AM NOT GAY BUT I DO RESPECT PEOPLE'S CHOICES AND HE IS JUST STUPID AND FAT. GO ON A FUCKING DIET YOU FAMOUS DICK SUCKING WANNA BE