Pajiba

I'm not a parent but one of the Fug girls just had twins last year, and her comments about life with two babies are really great. Here's her blog: http://dancingbrave.typepad.com/

Also, I fucking HATE the ultrasound wand at the gyno. I call it the Ultrasound Dildo of DOOM, or the UDOD for short.

Not a parent, sorry. But I enjoy being amused by others' tales of woe.

And, um, I've never had this "ultrasound wand" in my hooha. Wouldn't one only need such a thing if one was pregnant? It's never been suggested at my gynecologist's office. If it was, I'd say, "HA! Fuggetaboudit, sucka!"

...

Nope, I ain't got nothin'...

The important thing about keeping the "spare" twin in the attic for future organ use is that if you don't toss a cookie up there every now and then, they might start to resent you.

Yaaaaaaay Kballs!! Twins!!

Also, if you start a parenting blog in that vein I will read EVERY SINGLE WORD

That vaginal probe wand is definitely barbaric. When I saw it the first time I had a moment of dissonance because there was no way they were actually going to put that thing in me, right? RIGHT? And then once it's in it's like an Atari joystick. The second and third times it was a non-event, just part of the general torture we go through as modern pregnant women.

I have no idea what it's like to have twins after already having one, but my two youngest are only 17 months apart, which is a lot closer than is comfortable. I have felt, until very recently, that I have had two babies to take care of. The advice I can give, as a parent of three very small children, is to treat the twins as a single unit for a while. It's much easier to care for them as one, as in feed at the same time, change at the same time, same bedtimes, same routines, etc, rather than view them as two entirely separate tasks (yes, I referred to children as tasks, I'm not a horrible mother). We do this with my 4 and 2.5 year old daughters, and my 1 year old son is handled separately. I actually think it's resulted in my girls being much closer to each other than they might have been otherwise.

Other useful advise is to pay special attention to the needs of the poor, soon-to-be oldest child you currently have. You will end up leaning on them A LOT to help out, but remember that they're still a little one too. My oldest recently complained that she gets tired of always being asked to help out with my youngest, which made me feel awful. I told her she always has the right to tell me no if she wants. I may have responded differently if she was older, but she is only 4 years old.

My own parenting issues? Too many to unload on all of you, but they mainly stem from not having had a reliably decent night of sleep in just over four years. If at all possible avoid having three kids in four years.

I was a nanny for years so I can give lots of parenting advice, but with the twin thing it's what you mentioned above....once you see they have their own identities, give them different haircuts, clothing colors, toy choices, everything. I know full grown adult twins that (although they have a bond most of us will never know) they were so enmeshed and identical in every way that they actually panic when they are asked for different choices or do different things. I'm talking about 20-somethings!!! Let them be who they are, nurture it, and forget about being cute and having matchymatchy children.

I've been a fan of the site for about a year now, but never felt compelled to comment until now...because we also learned a few weeks we're having twins.

A week went by of with hearing many congrats, and also hearing "how are you going to do it?" much more and getting somewhat-dismayed looks from friends with twins. Kind of the look when you tell someone "yeah, I'm going to quit my job, and yeah, I don't have anything else lined up." And for that week, I kept telling everyone who would listen that it was no big deal, that we would just have to adjust to two babies waking up at night, and buy the extra-big stroller, and what not.

And after a week, it finally hit me--twins. Seriously? How the $%&* are we going to do this?

HA! What Lauren said.

Basically, there'll probably be a quiet one and an outgoing one. At some point, the quiet one will probably kill the outgoing one, but say it was the quiet one who died, thus taking over the outgoing one's identity, and become evil.

I have learned this from movies. This, after all, is a movie website.

I am not a parent but I AM an identical twin. It was not easy growing up and, as we live in the same city, still not always easy, but it's fun. One of the most important things you can do is to not only encourage their own separate personalities and recognize them as different people, but to encourage ALL the other family members to do the same. Growing up it broke my heart to be described as just 'the twins' by my aunts, uncles and grandparents, while my little sister was granted a full indentity. Tell your mother not to buy your babies matching outfits, even if they are in different colors, it loses it's cuteness quickly. I made a point of distancing myself from a lot of my family because I never felt a strong personal connection to most of them. Now that I'm getting married, I think they all hear the news and wonder "Now, which one is that?"...

Congrats on the twins Kballs. As for twin advice. While they are infants/toddlers, get both on the same schedule. It is the only way you will survive. Add my voice to the no matching outfits group. No matching outfits should ever be worn especially for holiday photos.

When your kids are ready for school, get them into separate classes if at all possible. It helps the kids to develop as individuals and to make other friends independent of the twin.

Also, take your kids out on a one-on-one basis. My dad called it "Dad Night". I would get to go out and do something fun with my dad without my sister. It was a practice that continued into my first year of college. It has helped to create a bond with my dad that lasts to this day. And that is a good thing by the way.

I will give you the same advice I give new puppy owners.
1) Natures Miracle. Buy a gallon. You won't regret it.
2) Crate.

I am a parent, not of twins mind you, but of two teenage girls. There are certain things you must do with twins. It may seem counter-intuitive, but you must follow these rules: 1) Only serve one plate/bowl/bottle/boobie of food. It is critical that the strong one be well fed and this is the only way to determine the strong one. 2) At birthdays/holidays/etc. a single present works best to develop a healthy sense of entitlement in the strong one. 3) As they get older, chores should be arm-wrestled for. Loser does the chores, of course. 4) Have ESPN televise the "decision" on which pre-school the strong one will attend. 5) Remember that a college education is overrated and going straight to the NBA is preferred. Good luck.

Awwww Babies! Yay!

I have nothing of consequence to add, I just think children/babies/multiples are adorable. And since I've never had the complications of leasing out my womb to another life, I shall continue to think that.

So, I don't have twins, but my sister and I are very close in age and our birthdays are only two weeks apart. Also, two of my best friends growing up were twins.

I totally second the double birthday parties SUCK sentiment. As do "shared"presents, unless it's something big and more of a "family" present (ie video game system or something) just avoid it. Ask grandparents to do the same, it's annoying for the shopper, but it makes a difference.

The party thing isn't a big deal for the first few years, obviously, but by the time they're 5 or so they should at least have the option of separate parties, they may not care until they're older than that, but it's more the being able to choose that's important.

Also, I second the watch out for the oldest. I fell into that boat too. Twins can be overwhelming and it's easy to let the more self sufficient older kid kind of look after themselves a bit, just remember they still need you A LOT, maybe not with the practical stuff, but certainly with the emotional end of things. You didn't say how old your first kiddo is, but it is a huge shock to go from the only kid to third on the totem pole no matter what your age (which will happen despite your best efforts, at least for a while, all visitors want to see the baby/babies, they just physically need more attention, etc.) so, yeah, lots of hugs to older sibling, special story time or something that's just for them.

Kballs, congratulations to you. I don't think you should have a stroke. Lots of people raise twins successfully in spite of not being that bright. I think you are going to be just fine. If they can do it, so can you.

I have heard that it is a bad idea to rhyme the names of the twins or give them names starting with the same letter, for reasons of identity issues listed above. Some 9 year old twins down the street from me are named Lamar and Lavar, and it is impossible to tell them apart, the names don't help. I feel bad for them, they obviously get irritated by it.

In spite of laughing at your story, I'm so sorry your wife had to have a Viking Oar up in her business. That is unacceptable, hence:

Comment diversion suggestion: why is every medical procedure related to vaginal and mammary health so goddamn invasive, uncomfortable and humiliating, and what suggestions can we provide to the OBGYNs of the world to Fix. It. I start: rubber, heated speculums in a whole host of sizes. Not everyone has a vagina the size of a grapefruit, doc.

Uncle JR,

Hee! I actually have twin uncles whose names are Ronald and Donald. No, I am not kidding.

I am not a parent so I can't speak to the issue personally, but last night I did see Giorgos Lanthimos' new documentary on unusual and creative parenting. It is entitled "Dogtooth". The family in question does not have twins but there are 3 children and they deal with that dynamic quite directly. I highly suggest you check it out, you may get some new and insightful ideas.

If you are so inclined to check it out, Pajiba posted the trailer to said film here

stupid html didn't work for some reason (namely i screwed something up)

heres the url: http://www.pajiba.com/trailers/dogtooth-the-most-disturbing-trailer-of-the-week-down-with-kittehs.php

Here's my advice: sell one of them. Buy stuff for the other one with the money!

YAY I AM A GENIUS.

And I probably shouldn't have children.

Also, hee. KBalls is awesome. Congrats!

Not a parent, but experienced babysitter, cousin, and teacher of many twins.

The best advice I can give you is regarding brithdays/holidays/etc. When it comes to gifts, let your friends and family know to get the kids clothes rather than toys. Kids tend to accumulate a lot of shiny things they soon lose interest in or break, but they will always need something to wear, especially as they enter toddler stage. You'll never be so happy to unwrap 40 pairs of socks in your life.

My wife and I had a son and then two years later to the day, twin boys. Here's a couple of tips:

1. Family members will favor one of them over the other, even if it's unconsciously. Make sure you try to even out the affection.
2. Shared birthdays don't suck until you get old enough to realize it. I wouldn't worry about having one birthday party until they get older.
3. Keep them on the same feeding schedule - every three hours - no matter what. It might hurt at first, but you'll be saner for it. The Double Boppy pillow was a lifesaver for this. My wife could breastfeed them simultaneously!
4. They most likely will develop at different rates, maybe by only a couple of weeks. For us, it has continued in the same pattern for six years. Make sure you make as big a deal for the second one as you do for the first one. All milestones are important.
5. Have fun. Don't listen to what everyone else says. Do what you think is right and don't look back.

esme: Shared birthday presents do suck. My father always did this to my sister and I. And then they would eventually be her presents, and I'd get in trouble if I tried to play with the gameboy my dad thought we could share. Really Dad?? One gameboy for two kids? you thought that would work??
I would also like to point out my disdain for alliterative names and matching outfits. I am a Girl Scout leader and have 2/3 of a set of triplets in my troop. Thank God the third is a boy. I can't tell those two girls apart. Their mother embroiders their initials on everything though, so I can totally cheat.

My best friends have fraternal boy girl twins. Maybe that's easier because really they just had a boy and a girl at the same time, basically. They aren't identical or anything (in fact, the girl looks exactly like the mom and the boy looks exactly like the dad--so much so that it's almost freaky).

Anyway, basically they treat them like two siblings. Nothing different. They recently moved them from having a room together to two separate rooms (they are five). The girl got to pick her paint colors and ditto for the boy.

When they were babies I know they were more work than a single baby, but they got through that with a bit of family help.

They do share a birthday party NOW, but they may want to have separate celebrations with their friends once they become teens, I don't know. They don't even seem to notice or care about sharing a birthday party now. They have two separate cakes.

I don't have twins, or kids, and I am not a twin myself, so I am fabulously unqualified to give you any advice whatsoever.

However, as a person involved regularly in large, complex projects and bringing them to fruition, I congratulate you on your efficiency sir. Well played.

-Frob

Don't let them go into show business.

You have come to the right place for advice. I have twin eight-year-old boys.

Yes, indeedy! I hopped off the Pill one weekend---on a lark---and lo, and behold, two weeks later I was preggers an' feeling like a swolt rat (Templeton in "Charlotte's Web" comes to mind). Then, when the nurse told me there were TWO babies in that there womb, I was absolutely silent.

As we all know, when you are silent, it means things haven't quite sunk in yet, and, therefore, might not be true. The nurse actually said to me, "You're taking this really well. Most women come unhinged."

I waited 'til I got to the car to come UNGLUED at the HINGES! I wanted to die. I thought about driving my car off the bridge. When my OB/gyn called to "congratulate" me, I said," I am not happy about this. One of 'em has to go!" My OB/gyn is granola-ish, so he doesn't like explicit language. But I didn't stop there. Nope. I asked if I could abort one of the fetuses because I wanted ONE girl (a quiet one). The answer was no. I cried.

37 weeks later I gave birth to two, ginormous, healthy fraternal twin boys.

And you know what, I was wrong (for the first and only time in my life), about what I thought I wanted.

Those two little guys are the most awesome creatures I've ever seen in my life and not a day goes by when I don't marvel at some oddity or imperfection on their being. They are almost nine and I still can't get over the fact that they popped outta me all fluffy and healthy, with arms, fingers, toes.

They are way better than the tadpoles I tried (unsuccessfully) to grow. And they have legs too.

Nothing is more intoxicating. I highly recommend it.

I have friends who are identical twin girls. They are about to turn 21 and are only just growing into their identities as individuals rather than 'the twins'. I'm not sure if this is because of the way they were raised or just because they sort of like being identical twins. They used to introduce themselves as 'Grellen 1 and 2' rather than confusing people with two names. I guess my point is they won't necessarily resent being 'the twins'. But only if they adopt that for themselves than just being treated as one entity by everyone around them.

As a twin (an IVF twin... HI-FIVES ALL ROUND FOR SCIENCE!!) I'll say a few things that even a few twin mates of mine have encountered as well growing up. So listen HARD.

First of all My brother hates chocolate. I, on the other hand adore it like a wee ickle porky face. And EVERY year for 17 years I've never ever had a chocolate birthday cake of my very own because he hates chocolate, so i get spongecakes to share with the brotherface (This year's one had MOCK cream. MOCK. CREAM? Not REAL COW CREAM. MOCK CREAM. Mock cream tastes a lot like what I imagine the spunk of the devil would be like. Instead of actual cream ,its made of oi land icing sugar, and its the single most fucking disgusting substance on the planet. Who the hell is so piss poor they won't buy their only daughter her own cake, but won't even buy a sponge cake with REAL cream?

My mother, that's who.

Secondly, my brother is the favourite. This just happens with any set of kids, but its a pain reguardless. Just pretend and pretend good.

Lastly NEVER EVER put your kids in the same class, I've been in the same classes as my brother all through high school and teachers and students compare like the nazi hawk spawn of Christoph Waltz, and its painful. Noth twins will have their fortes, my brother is a maths, physics and science genius and is also a massive jock, wheras I'm an academic top language and arts student. This is not only important because people expect your kids to be the same as one another (whether they be fraternal or identical), but also because kids form their own friend groups. They'll both find it hard to be their true selves and express themselves properly when constantly in the eyes of their twin, however as they grow older, as my brother and I have experienced, twins choose to get closer, and now we revolve around eachother in the same group by choice as we are no longer in the same classes anymore and people see us as two individuals.

Other than that its pretty much like having two normal kids, in fact thats what twins are, its nothing too difficult or different from having two children born seperately. Just let them be themselves and givethem space.

And for the love of Godtopus, no matching clothes.

Good luck and salutations on the baby pies, may you and the Mrs have an easy birth and many years of pooping, crying, eating joy (multiplied by two!)

(Finally, if you're worried about 'The Violator', wait til you see what comes OUT of your wife in a few months or so.

I appreciate the kind words and enjoyed the advice and the silliness (I'm looking at you Manny) equally. A surprisingly high percentage of you went for the strong twin/weak twin angle. Food for thought. Anyway, a few comments brought out responses in me:

Nadine: I considered doing a blog a couple of years ago but never got around to it. I would LOVE to base one on twin parenting, but I'm not sure I have the stamina. We'll see.

helevant (and all subsequent twins that posted): If we have identical twins, this kind of advice becomes priceless. Thank you all for sharing your pain and frustrations so I can be a better father.

longcoat000: A small tattoo you can only see when hugging and ruffling their hair is GENIUS!!! Illegal and immoral, but that's the kind of thinking that will get you far in this world, kid.

Kayanne: *shakes head* Rude awakening coming your way, sister.

Manny: There are no words. That was awesome. "Try to make yourself appear as large as possible." Love it.

Che: A viking oar was manned by several enormous vikings and stretched from halfway inside the ship all the way out into the water and had to withstand said enormously strong Vikings constant manhandling. So yes, viking oars tended to be large and girthful.

In response to repeated questions, I do not know if they are identical or not, and I absolutely will NOT name them or dress them similarly and will murder anyone who suggests it. Actually, it's sad that people have to be reminded not to do shit like this to their kids.

And finally, I'm currently reading the endlessly fascinating "Outliers" by Malcolm Gladwell. My twins should be born in January. I'll wait a moment while people who've read this think about the meaning of that birthday . . . And now to explain the significance. Gladwell showed that team sports for 9 and 10 year olds usually have an arbitrary yearly start date of January 1st giving kids born in the first few months of the year a significant physical advantage over those born in later months. They dominate their smaller competition and get picked for all-star teams that provide better training and competition, which leads to more all-star teams and more advantages until they're 17 or 18, by which time it's too late to catch my super-awesome kids on their road to sports glory!!!

*panting*

I am way too excited about this possibility.

Late to the party as usual. Truth is I passed the fuck out when I came home from work. I think it was the goddamn humidity in Atlanta. You'd think having lived in New Orleans I'd be used to it by now, but sadly humidity is one of those things you never REALLY get used to.

Can't really say much about parenting. Mrs. Lantern had a boy, a girl, another boy, then another girl, with her ex-husband many years before we wed. I knew the kids, but my relationship with them was distant at best.

Then about 5-6 months after we came to Atlanta post-Katrina from New Orleans, the ex decides that the oldest girl, Mary, is too much to deal with and calls without notice to tell us he's sending her to us. Thanks, dick.

Less than a year later he does the same with Mary's sister Amanda. Again, no notice, no discussion. Just an annoucement. Whatta dick.

While they were living with us, Amanda got pregnant at 16, then Mary got pregnant about six months later. At one point our three bedroom apartment was awash in estrogen while I was dealing with teen mothers, grandbabies, and an alternately proud yet embarrased "Nanna" in the form of the missus. Not too long after, however, Mrs. Lantern suffered a series of mini-strokes and had to leave her job, meaning yours truly was the only one with an income and that we had to downsize into a one-bedroom. Despite that, Amanda insisted on clinging to living with us until she was all but forced out and left with my father in-law about six months ago.

Now let's cut to today...about two years later. Mary is pregnant again, and according to her sister she's not really sure who the "baby daddy" is. She's also begun drinking (yes, while pregnant), and her daughter Amaya is now in the custody of Mrs. Lantern's ex-husband and wife. There were some comments about little Amaya having her arm wrenched out of its socket on three separate occasions 'cause Mary kept pulling on her damn child. Augh!

Amanda, who despite her years is the most responsible of all four kids, is ALSO preggers again. Despite being in South Pennsylvania where my in-laws and Mrs. Lantern's various other relatives are, she ended up burning many of her bridges due to a pig-headed personality and an inability to understand boundaries. She recently came back to roost with us with baby Ashley in tow since she had nowhere else to be...but it looks as though the father of the current child she's carrying has decided to man up and will be moving in with her to a trailer some ways away from our apartment.

Yeah I take a certain amount of reponsibility here as a stepdad (or StepBat, as the girls call me), but the truth is their personalities and moral centers had been all but formed by the time they moved in with us, so there was little I could to to influence them aside from try to be understanding and supportive. From this entirely FUCKED UP situation, my best advice is "teach them right, teach them early, and be around when they need you".

Yeah, it sounds pretty basic, but look at what the missus and I have had to put up with for the last three years or so!

I don't know about the whole matching-outfits thing. I have two very mobile offspring, and when we go out (mall, playground) I try to put them in matching shirts so I can spot them easily. Granted, I don't do the matchy-matchy every day, just when I know there is a good chance for a flight risk.

I wholey agree with Stinky...My twin boys are 9. Completely different people. The first year will be the hardest thing you'll ever do. But......have a sense of humor, clip diaper coupons, breast feed if you can, sleep if you can, love love love love 'em and fuck everybody else..thet're yours

One other bit o' advice: If your twins are delivered via C-section (like mine were), please don't block Mrs. Kballs' view of the Most Important Event In Her Entire Life with your big head. My husband and two doctors were all crowded around my twat like it was the premiere of Shark Week. I couldn't see a bloody thing.

At one point Mr. Stinky exclaimed, "What's THAT?"

"Her uterus," Doc said, then plopped it on my chest and pulled a baby out.

I didn't see any of this, mind you, but Mr. Stinky said it was all terribly exciting, and educational too.

Not sure if kballs will check back in this late in the game but here's my advice (and congrats btw)

Babies cry.

Now that might seem obvious, but when both of your twins are upset and crying their heads off, you'll feel pretty stressed.

Just take a deep breath and realize that even the happiest baby will cry at some point - that's the only way they can communicate. You won't be a bad parent if your babies cry. They do that.

Oh and parenting blogs? Amalah.com is my fave, and well worth the read.

I'm a twin. One of the reasons that I don't want to have another child is because of the tough relationship my brother and I have always had. Since day one we have competed for attention and love, popularity and friends. While I've come to realize that our relationship is unusual, I wouldn't wish it on someone else.

I will give one piece of advice: give each child their own "birthday". I would celebrate their actual birthday with a small family celebration and the "big" present, but give each of them their own day to feel like a special individual aka: party with friends, bring cupcakes to school, get the rest of the presents. And keep those days consistent year-to-year. Call it their "unbirthday" or whatever. I hated having to share a birthday and party, a few times all the girls came over just to flirt with the boys.

What I know about having twins:

1. You get fucking huge. Like, getting dirty looks from little old ladies in the library at 6 months because you look like you're 10 months pregnant huge.

2. You need to eat a *lot* to consume 'enough' calories to feed the wee parasites whilst they're in utero. Your stomach is being squeezed into a space the size of a walnut. This combo sucks giant donkey nads. Be sympathetic.

2. As soon as they are able to walk, or crawl at any speed, invest in a pair of baby leashes. They will take every opportunity they can to take off in opposite directions and wreak havoc.

3. Be prepared to buy duplicates of any particularly desirable toy, especially in the early years. Failure to do so will likely lead to high-pitched shrieks and violence. Eventually they will get old enough that you can start getting 2 equivalent but non-identical presents instead. Figuring out what is equivalent but non-identical is a headache in and of itself, of course.

4. Joint birthday or Christmas presents are just asking for trouble, especially when they're really little. Get 2 smaller things instead. Eventually they may be able to share presents without screams, violence and resentment.

5. Start lifting weights now. Carrying 2 babies at once is a test of your upper body strength, but a very useful skill to have.

6. 2 individual push-chairs are infinitely more convenient and manoeuverable than one of those monster twin-stroller things.

7. Cutesy, alliterative and rhyming names will cause them to hate you forever. Similarly, resist any urge to refer to them as 'the twins'. They have an identity beyond having shared a uterus, for fuck's sake. Be prepared for well-meaning relatives to do so, however. They will probably also give you matching outfits for the sprogs, despite all your protests. (Matching outfits are also fucking retarded, especially if they look at all alike. Why do people want to make their lives more difficult? I do not understand)

8. Google your local POMBA. They can be useful at times, especially for the second-hand sales when you need to buy 2 of everything without taking out a second mortgage.

9. Good luck, and congrats on your 2-for-the-price-of one special! Hope you're good at giving backrubs!

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