Pajiba

This one is hard for me. I've gone out of the house looking the fool plenty. I like my hair to look nice, but it only happens about 1/4 of the time.

I'd say my mind is my vanity. Sometimes I like to think I'm smarter than I really am.

Probably my smug sense of superiority. And who says I'm not?

I also think I'm still a pretty good-looking guy for my age, and that if I colored my hair I could pass for about 10 years younger.

I have awesome hair. It annoys the hell out of me, but it's really nice hair.

I have shampoo commercial hair. Except maybe not as shiny (how do they do that?). Thick as hell, bouncy, gorgeous, the color (professional) is awesome, the highlights are just about damn perfect (I have an extremely talented hairstylist/colorist, I can't take credit for the color or highlights).

See the vanity? I have total strangers say things that feed the vanity all the time. It's a sickness! Help me! My hair is the awesome!

I was accelerated in writing and English growing up; I even was allowed to read separate books for reports and meet with the teacher afterwards. After getting a BFA in Writing, going for my MFA in Journalism and having my ESL certification, my biggest vanity is grammar and spelling. I'm that obnoxious bitch that points out "who" and "whom" and finds misprints in restaurant menus. I'm trying to get better at it, but I've had a lot of shortcomings in other areas so I find myself lording the English skills over everyone else.

Snuggiepants, I have hair that shiny. Booyah.

I think I'm throwing my hair-hat into the ring here as well.

When I straighten it, it is *that* shiny. Its kinda hard to see with all the curls though.

So yeah. My hair. Its the one thing I always love as well as consistently get complimented on--when I'm not throwing it into a ponytail, that is. Everything else I go back and forth on.

Ass.

I envy all you people with the great hair. I have hideous thin hair that grows in completely bizarre ways and never stays one way for very long. I can do absolutely nothing to it, have to redo ponytails 40 times in an hour because clips and bands just slide off completely. I wish I could get away with being bald, but I also have a weirdly-shaped head. Stupid head.

my thumbs are skinnier than yours.

My teeth.
I'm hanging out with/kinda dating a Puerto Rican girl with equally excellent teeth. The other night at a reggae show, a wasted Canadian girl told the two of us that we look like we walked out of a toothpaste commercial.

I am one hell of a cook, but, as a baker, I rock. I get asked for recipes all the time. My kids have never had a birthday cake that was purchased. Neighbors I hardly know knock on my door and beg me to make a cake for their kid's birthday. They offer lots of money. I made my nieces wedding cake and trucked that fucker 300 milea and finished it in a hotel room. It was perfect. I bake bread or rolls from scratch twice a week. I hate the taste of commercial bakery products now. So, yeah, a litte vain about that skill set.

I'm better than all of you put together

Actually, I'll add another one. I look younger than I am as well. I still get carded for R-rated movies occasionally. I was 17 a decade ago. So, yanno... it'll be great when I'm forty.

Also, despite my current wasting of said talent: I'm a damn fine writer. It's the one thing I'm really good at.

slower lower, I make the best rum truffles. I am so vain on those babies. I think anything in the baking category deserves vanity as its easy to eff it up

krza, I envy you. I never had braces and I have mild fluoride discoloration. I very much dislike my teeth.

Another hair whore here. I get a fair number of compliments on it, and I love that I'm a natural redhead. Okay, so it's more of an auburn, but it's all mine, baby! Oh, and I'm worse than ever since I got my fancy-pants straightening iron last month. *flip* Yup, foxy hair-commercial hair. (Why, oh why couldn't I have had this confidence in high school?)

*sigh* Oh, Melissa, mine are big and flat and not so lovely (though my toenails are nicely shaped, and right now prettily coloured). I am envious!

My ass, the awesome Native American heritage cheekbones, and the glory that is my healthy, bouncy, thick, glorious mane of hair.

That's about it.

my hands are my vanity, but i fear that my rheumatoid arthritis is going to mess that all up and i'll be asking leland gaunt for a spider-filled necklace one of these days.

that being said, i'll pick a runner-up: i am a really good gift-giver. it's ridiculous how much time i spend thinking about what to get who for their birthday or christmas. you will never receive a meaningless gift from me! i will bust out the homemade cookbooks and vanilla and marshmallows and peanut butter eggs, paint you a picture, find a ticket to the 1964 world's fair on ebay and frame it with the lyrics to "ana ng" handwritten around the frame, make you a stuffed dog out of knee socks, decoupage a keepsake box with random things that remind me of you pulled from magazine pages, use all of those wine corks i amass on a bulletin board...essentially, if you know me, sooner or later i'll surprise you with something i've made.

Holy Freaking Overshare, Maryscott. Seriously honey, this ain't your therapy group. Stop fishing for sympathy. It's creepy and disturbing.

I have good veins. I give blood regularly and always get comments on how good they are. How sad.

On topic part:

My biggest vanity is probably books. Every summer for about 5 years I have been gradually working through a master list of the books an educated person, i.e., pretentious bastard, should have read. Even though I don't enjoy reading most of them: see Joyce, I do it anyway, just so I can say that I read and understand them.

Off topic part: (feel free to ignore)

The lady and I would like to start a product review blog together, but have absolutely no idea of how to go about doing it. I am technologically literate, but my cursory google search didn't help much. Since everyone on pajiba that comments seems to have a blog, I would love your recommendations as to which service would be best for a novice blogger, or, just what to avoid.

Thanks!

I disagree, Seastar. It's oversharing when the subject is as relatively lighthearted as this one. Why even bring it up? I'm not unsympathetic to her plight, but posting an expose here, now, is attention grabbing, plain and simple. I'm not judging her past (or present) condition, I'm simply saying that it's weird to talk about it here. And from what I've seen, Ms. O'connor has a tendency to post waaaaaay too much information about her life's problems.

That said, since I should probably practice what I preach and not turn this fun little diversion into a fight, I'll shut up now.

I have a classically pretty face and very clear skin, so you know I'm constantly wearing makeup and the right earrings to highlight my face. Ridiculous, but I'll cop to it. I'm so pathetic that I actually think I can slink into the puffiness of late-30s/40s with my dignity intact because of my pretty face, nice taste in clothes and ability to dress strategically.

On the intellectual side of things, I'm a very good editor and pretend to be modest about it. I'm not - I am secretly appalled by other people's mistakes. Yup, I'm tedious.

Phew - I feel much better!

luker, Blogger is SUPER easy to use. I'm practically a Luddite and I've managed to set up a blog on Blogger. It's very user friendly. Just be patient and don't be afraid to play with it. Good luck!

My vanity would probably be my useless memory for pop culture trivia. I like being the one everyone calls when they can't remember who was in "that one movie with that guy and they went to that place? You know. And the guy is married to that girl who used to be on that show?"

And my boobs. They're pretty nice.

... oh, and I got a nice rack as well.

Enough of these pride shenanigans; where's the goddamned shame list? I sneeze the way a squirrel sounds when it's yelling at you to get off its lawn, and it makes me self-conscious enough that they can't come out at all and I just stand there making stupid faces.

I'M AWESOME!!!!!!

I'm pretty vain about my intellect, so much so that I spell and punctuate properly in text messages and read the Atlantic in the bathroom. And I have a great ass. If I could get away with wearing hot pants in public, you people would get completely sick of seeing the Marble Peach everyday and every night.

But, my biggest weakness is clothes. Thousand dollar suits? Fuck and yes. I love colors, I love textures and, frankly, I have the swerve to pull off outfits lesser men shouldn't even think about.

I am a fantastic writer, am amazing at analyzing film and literature, am constantly told I need to be a stand-up comedian and am fucking adorable. I'll never be a cool kid, my knees are knobbly, my fingers are crooked, my nose is kinda Jewwy, I have surgical scars, I haven't lost the freshman 15 and am terrible at flirting... but I'm learning to love myself anyway.

I'm vain about my intellect. I'm basically smart, graduated from college, can carry on intelligent conversations, blah blah blah, but sometimes I take myself too seriously. I've also got a good memory for useless trivia factoids that might come in handy on "Jeopardy!" but nowhere else.

On a side note, it's nice to see a picture of Melanie Griffith with normal lips. She looks pretty good when her lips don't extend to the next county.

Posted by: Seraf at June 8, 2009 10:10 PM

Ha! You're vain about your veins! Awesome.

I think me and Lainey might be twins a little... I, too, am the one all my friends come to for movie trivia. And I, too, have a damn fine rack. I was never vain about my long luxurious curly hair, because even though I got tons of compliments, I always hated it. My nails, like Genny's, grow beautifully and fast, but I find them annoying as well. Probably my biggest vanity is my intelligence, which is actually probably nothing to be that vain about...

Oh, and after TB's comment, I'm REALLY sorry I didn't make it to BaconEast.

Thank you, AvB. See, Guess Who!? The classics still work. Douchebag.

I didn't think I was very vain until my girlfriend reminded me that I do pushups every night and use two kinds of hair gel.
So.. There's that.

I haven't yet made it to the fucking millinery, Che.

I've been told by enough people that my ass is amazing that now I believe it. I also have nice eyebrows...they're very light, so I do have to accent them, but they're perfectly arched and don't need grooming (much). Unfortunately, I rock the bangs so they are always hidden. So these are things I've accepted about myself, but don't really perform upkeep on. What do I love doing stuff to? My EYES. They are "hazel", but they're really a green-heavy green/brown tie-dye that explode with the right shadow work, and most of my gettin-ready routine is spent achieving this.

Yay!

Can I add another one? Can I? Ok.

I'm a classical beauty. Not classical as in Marylin. Classical as in "classical". Ancient greek busts. Roman coins. Leonardo. Caravaggio. Diana, Cleopatra, Livia Drusilla, Mary - yes, THAT Mary. I don't know if that's widely desirable, but I'm damn proud of it.

(And my tits are as firm as water balloons. Was that more than one? woops.)

I suppose I'll add humility, for purposes of balance. There's no point beating about the bush. My stomach is a cruel mistress. She likes bread and she likes to punish me when I eat bread. Right now she's punishing me. Soon I'll have to beat her back down with celery and sit-ups.

My hair. And my eyes. I know, that's two, but my hair's falling out, so soon it'll just be the one.

ooooh - and I can dance for five hours in super high heels. And I mean dancey-dance like DJ Lance Rock dancing. Full-on Snoopy dancing.

We do go on, don't we? Hee.

One more thing in which I take pride:

I don't have a gag reflex, a trait that makes me a great 3rd date and got me through a lot of awkward bedroom encounters back when I pretended to enjoy sex with women.

Maybe someone will find out more at Pajibacon: Dirty South Edition! Haha!

Let's see, I just turned 30 and I've still never had a cavity.
I have a lead foot but I've never gotten a speeding ticket because I believe I have a weird intuition about speedtraps. And I can make my car hug curves on unlit back roads at 70 mph.
I am a brilliant defensive driver because I believe everyone else is retarded and out to get me.
And I am your worst nightmare if you play me at Boggle. I will fuck you up with the plurals, baby.

That was a lot. I'm more vain that I thought.

I know what it's like to have a photographic memory, Che. My audiotory memory is so pitch perfect, I didn't take notes in school for years. It kinda ruined me, I've had to train myself to be a good student, being told you're a genius ruins you in school.

Better balance this out with a shame. For my whole life, I struggled with massive gas problems until just recently, when I found out I had an allergy to my favorite food. Guess which:

a)Cheese
b)Oranges
c)Bacon
d)Processed Sugar

The first is that I believe that I know what you're going to do before you do it. I don't mean that I'm psychic, but that I can usually deduce what your argument will be and construct my rebuttal so as to tear your ass apart.

Holy shit, I am the exact same way. That's part of the reason why everyone always told me I would make an excellent lawyer. I'm good at manipulating social situations by doing subtle things most people wouldn't think about so that I can get others to act in ways I want them to. Nobody knows this about me.

I also constantly get comments on my smile, but I'm so insecure about how crappy my teeth are, cavities-wise, that I can never be completely vain about it.

My penis...no lie.

It may not get much use...except for myself...but I am damn proud of it!

If we're talking about vanities, I'm not going to be modest here. I have been told I am the perfect playboy bunny sterotype. I have incredible boobs, and I love everything about them. They're still perky and get me free drinks almost every weekend. Long, straight, naturally blonde hair that usually does what I want it to do. And six-pack abs that require very little work, just about 40 crunches a day which I do every morning. It ends there, though. My ass and thighs are filled with cellulite and I can't stand them. Now, my ass I don't mind as much, but my thighs! Good Lord those things! I hate my legs and have done almost every toning and cardio workout under the sun but those things aren't going anywhere.

Some of you are mentioning parts of their body which they think look good and some are mentioning parts which they obsess about to try and make look good.

1) I do think my hair (which is VERY curly) looks good but many don't agree with me. Apparently the Jimi Hendrix look is out of fashion.

2) I do obsess a bit about my tummy always looking in the mirror to see if I look any fatter. I'm not realy fat so I shouldn't worry but every little bit of fat which hangs from my tummy, no matter how little, looks wrong. I never go through any diets or exercise or do anything to try and be thinner so it's just a little obsession really.

3) They tell me my teeth look good, which is quite surprising after all the caffeine and nicotine abuse they have got over the years.

I'm not overly proud about any part of my body and I genuinely don't give that much importance to looks. I don't have to go out with a girl who looks in a specific way. If a girl strikes me in any way, I'm ready for her. Frankly, I do often feel I'm above this vanity shit and it makes me angry when I see someone being too vain. I firmly believe that people should be happy with what nature provided them. When I see people who won't leave the house without mascara it feels stupid or people who desperately try to straighten their naturally curly hair... Someone who looks good will ALWAYS look good, even when just waking up. Rather than vanity it feels more like low self esteem and slaves to a system which will make you buy things to "make yourself look good".

probably my hair... the big ginger mane must remain big and ginger so i can complain about the bad lot i have in life to people and so i can represent the ginger nation...

red power!!!

oh and my body has to remain suitably furry I am not some Twilight werewolf.

Just the fact that I'm so amazingly handsome.

That's all.

Ohh, and I second Che with the Scrabble and Trivial skills. Nobody wants to play with me any more - which feed my ego even more.

My teeth are like stars. They come out at night.

I have beautiful eyes.

Legs. I have awesome, awesome legs. Miles and miles of 'em. Wish I could attribute them to working out but I'm afraid it's genetic and I can't take any credit whatsoever.

I don't really have any physical vanity. When I was young and slim(mer), I had bad acne, so that put paid to any self-love of the mirror variety! That lasted til I was 35, at which point my weight problem took over.... *sigh*. And I'm short-sighted, but contact lenses don't work for me, hence I'm speccy. So I try to dress ok, put on some makeup, brush my hair, then forget about it. I barely look in mirrors unless I have to, because there's no point beating myself up about it. I'm an overweight middle-aged woman with glasses, and Angelina isn't losing any sleep over the competition.... ;-)

So I guess my vanity would be my mind. I'm not stupid, I'm occasionally told I'm witty, and my powers of sarcasm are awesome. So, there you go!

I have great eyebrows. That's all.

I have porcelain doll skin, an excellent rack, and I can make people cry using only my words.

I take good care of my skin, but my major vanity though is my nails. I freak out when they're uneven, Im always messing with them, filing and nipping and cuticle pushing. I change polish every couple of days because I can't stand a single tiny chip. Luckily they naturally grow pretty nicely, but I always have to make them perfect. Actually, come to think of it, this sounds less like vanity and more like OCD...

my afro i've met so many woamn who wanted me just for my Napolean Dynamite Afro.

I'm half vain/half-loathing with my body. I'm very athletic, which I love, and have a really nice, sculpted back, with a teeny-tiny waist and a huge rack that only annoys the shit out of me thirty percent of the time. On the flipside, my leg muscles are frikkin HUGE and most of the time, especially in jeans, I just look fat. So I guess it evens out, yes?

I'm vain about my work ethic. I got a job as soon as I turned 16 (needed money, loathed babysitting) and have been adored by employers and employees alike at every job I've ever had since. I was a shit student in undergrad, but damn if I didn't make bank waiting tables to get through it. And I totally looked down on my friends who didn't work in college because their parents could afford it. I was certain they would get out of school and be lost and helpless. I did not communicate this opinion to them, however.

Now I'm an unemployed post-grad, so...in my face, I guess.

I have always been told that I have beautiful eyes. They change color depending on my mood and I think they are rather lovely. They are the one feature that stays constant (weight changes, hair color/texture changes).

It is my greatest delight that my daughter inherited my eyes.. I am constantly stopped by people who tell me how beautiful my daughter's eyes are. If at all possible, she is probably my other vanity. 8 months old with pretty hair (a full head of it), big blue/green eyes, and a heart-melting smile. She's a doll.

Great voice. Have an under-developed conjoined twin who can drink me under the table and punch through a cinder block with his turkey claw. My left testicle can predict an early frost in the Autumn months.

I'm a human q-tip, in other words, I'm about as pale as it gets. I cannot leave the house without having drawn my eyebrows on with a pencil and many layers of mascara.

I'm severely proud of my thorax. Waist to neck I'm hot. (Or my version of hot--if I were a lesbian or a frat boy.)

I'm severely proud of my thorax. Waist to neck I'm hot. (Or my version of hot--if I were a lesbian or a frat boy.)

Posted by: Sofía at June 9, 2009 2:18 PM
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I give you most sincere kudos madam, thoraxes are not appreciated as much as they should be.

My mind's eye not being what it used to be, I'd like to second the request for pictures of these vanities. Seriously, using our imagination to properly appreciate these unique characteristics is quite likely a major disservice to said characteristics. So, in order to be suitably vain, or for it to be a true vanity, photos or nothing!

We're Fb friends, people. How lazy can you get?

Damnit! not on facebook...and this will sound like a lie, but I am 5'5" and 125 with 34d rack. And blue eyes. and blondish hair. And I fucking love football and basketball and I spent six hours this afternoon riding horses and moving hay and now I reek in a teeshirt. It has a murder tank on it. For the record though, I always hated my boobs. Wanted to be tall and thin. Turns out some guys don't like tall and thin.

I fucking love football and basketball
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I fucking love 34ds but that's a deal-breaker right there.