Pajiba

Fix the link. I had to click on "comments" to get here.

I never did a ton of pranks. Too much of a good girl. However in college, I was a "student assistant" (read office lackey) at an office on campus. On April first, I filled out several "missed messages" slips for my higher ups and dropped them in their boxes. They then all returned their calls answering messages that led to escort services and strip clubs. Everyone had a good sense of humor about it, and no idea it was coming from the quiet little good girl.

Caveat: This worked great in this particular office when I was in college and everyone had a good sense of humor. Now there's a good chance you'd be brought up on a charge of sexual harassment depending on your office.

I was running for president of the United States and I chose Sarah Palin as my V.P. It was neat.

I got nothing. I don't find this sort of thing funny. (Puts false teeth back in, adjusts blue toned curly grey wig.)

Tengo nada.

Yeah, not much of a prankster myself, either.

We did change the sign on our high school billboard to say "Free Beer here Monday".

That's all I got.

It was about 20 years ago I'd say, my sister and I were sleeping over at my friend's house with her other friend, and we were up late, eating junk and watching TV - generally overtired and just acting like idiots. One of us got the grand idea of scaring the shit out of my friend's little sister, who was fast asleep in her bedroom. We all crept into her room, gathered around her bed, and one of the other girls leaped onto the bed screaming, "Bethany! Bethany! The house is on fire!" Well, needless to say, Beth didn't take the news very well and started to bawl, waking her mother and getting us all into trouble. Little bitch.

I've never really pulled a prank on someone, and I've never had anyone pull one on me. Probably the closest thing I can think of was back in the army, if you could get a guy to say "Who?" you could then yell out "Deez nuts!" Yeah, I have no idea why we did that, but it was a challenge to make it work. Just saying "You know who'd like that?" was totally insufficient. The best I ever did was when a guy was telling us about how he was taking his family back to the states on leave and the kids were going to stay there. I said, "Merriweather [and yes, we called him Antoine all the time], she's not gonna take care of those kids!" It worked because it was so random and no one was expecting it.

Man, does it sound lame, but it got us through the days.

In trying to come up with a suitable tale for the diversion, I realized that I've committed quite a number of pranks in my lifetime. Nothing too dangerous or humiliating; I'm bad but not sadistic.

My favorite prank had to be the summer after seventh grade. I used to hang out at my girlfriend Diana's house a lot, and that summer the Ollie North trials were all over tv, pushing out the soaps. One dull morning, we set to occupy ourselves with prank calling. Picking out a phone number in the vicinity of a local park, I called and spoke with the lady of the house, telling her I was volunteer at the park and that we were calling homes in the area to alert them that the two black bears who lived at the park had escaped. I told her not to be too alarmed but warned her to stay inside and bring any of her pets in as well.

At first the lady was skeptical, but apparently at 12 I was a pretty fucking good little grifter. By the end of the five minute conversation, I had her totally convinced. She even told me about the neighborhood pool and that we should make sure and call the folks over there. Right before we rang off, she added, "I'm sorry, but I thought this might be a prank call. It's just you sound so young."

I still wonder what the rest of this lady's day was like.

So I tricked him into eating chili made out of his parents.

Everything comes back to Titus today.

In college we would do the requisite prank of breaking into each other's dorm rooms and fucking around...putting underwear on stuffed animals, pinning pictures from Playgirl to corkboards, etc. Nothing very original.

At my friend Sarah's birthday party a few years back my best friend told a group of her college friends and some of her cousins (who we only met that night) that I would sleep with almost anyone because I had low self-esteem. He had one girl almost in tears, she felt so bad for me. In the meantime I was inside doing shots with Sarah's brothers and watching fucking Zoolander. I spent the rest of the night wondering why: A. I was getting hit on by so many of her friends, B. Her female cousin kept telling me I was pretty, and C. My best friend kept cackling in the background.

Evil bastard.

It's seems to me that most Pajibans suffer from the Nelson syndrome: pointing at the mocked/humilliated/weak and going "ha-ha." We have no problem stretching our bitching* muscles, but when it comes to actually doing some harm we'd much rather watch from the sidelines.

You can't be bitchy AND active because then you're an asshole (no offence to the real pranksters among us; we love you and would love to take you home and spoon with you, you inside the spoon of course) as opposed to someone who just complains a lot about how everyone else is dumber than us.

I'm a whiner, a music nazi, a Spanish spelling queen bee and can make a pretty impressive "what the fuck are you talking about, moron?" face. A prankster I am not.

That's all.

*Bitching because we like to bitch, and also bitching because they look real nice and toned.

We lived in an apartment complex that abutted a fairly busy street. One day my buddy Steve and I got a hold of about a half-dozen orange cones and diverted the rush-hour traffic into the subdivision across the street. From our pine tree perch we watched as dozens of cars drove down the side street, turn around in various driveways, then continue back down the main road. This went on for about 20 minutes before a guy in a pickup truck finally swiped the cones off the street.

Also, there was a high brick wall along the entranceway that rendered fairly blind any right turn off the main road into our apartment complex. So we fashioned a dummy and put in the street just around the curb, so drivers would run over it just as they pulled in. Ha!

When I was young our home phone number was weirdly close to two different pizza places in town. Every Friday we'd get at least three calls for a delivery order. For most of my life we would tell them it was the wrong number and hang up. Then, a glorious little thing called Caller ID was invented.
We have a military academy in our town and there is a long standing grudge between the kids that go there and the public school kids. Whenever the name of the academy would pop up on the caller ID my brother would answer proceed to take their pizza order and tell them to be outside of their dorm for the delivery in 15 minutes.
This led to many nights of my brother sneaking me out with him to drive by the poor unsuspecting pizza lovers and pelt them with eggs/water balloons.
Not the most inventive but they deserved it for not realizing if someone just answers the phone "hello" they probably aren't a pizza place.

This is not good -- I'm forgetting a lot of the details of the good pranks (one problem with drunk escapades) and the ones I can remember now sound too mean and/or destructive to recount here. OK, here's a recent (read: rememberable) benign one:

So my teenage daughter's boyfriend is in a band with a bunch of miscreants, one of whom thinks it hysterical to make prank phone calls. He keeps doing this to my daughter to the point where she complains to me (so you know she's sick of it) and asks what she should do. We agree that punking him back is the best revenge, so I call from my phone (a number he doesn't know) and run him through this whole litany that I'm Officer So-and-so from the County Sheriff's Office and that we've had reports of prank phone calls from this number and does he know this is a felony and we're going to have to terminate the account? The kid freaks and hangs up, but I call back. His band buddy answers the phone and says the kid isn't around, so I say that we have the signal triangulated and a cruiser will be at his address (provided by my daughter, of course) within minutes. Now they're all freaked and pandemonium ensues (so I was told).

A couple of months later the buddies show up at my daughter's birthday party, and they keep a VERY safe distance from me...which my daughter and her boyfriend think is hysterical.

Less of a prank and more revenge. I found out my guy was cheating on me. After I kicked him to the curb, I went to the scientology website and filled out the questionaire with his personal information. All of it, email, address, multiple phone numbers, work place.

I was able to find out a year later that they persued him quite a bit. Pity that he'll never know it was me who did that.

I was literally on the operating table and right before they administered anesthesia, I told Wendell I wasn't really going to follow through with plans to have him removed and bottled in formaldehyde.

So, one of my former boyfriends was deathly
afraid of spiders. I finally convinced him to watch Arachnophobia one Saturday night, and he spent most of the movie curled up behind the sofa, peeking over when it seemed safe.

We had a tradition of going to a local cafe/bakery/diner on Sunday mornings with the newspaper and having a leisurely breakfast, drinking our coffee and reading the paper. The Sunday after the movie viewing I carefully slipped a big, hairy rubber spider between the pages of the newspaper while he was off doctoring his coffee.

When he picked up the newspaper, the spider fell out into his lap and he screamed an incredible high-pitched scream at the top of his lungs, causing everyone in the cafe (and passers-by) to jump up and look. I was having trouble breathing from laughing so hard.

He finally started speaking to me again after about a week.

Tammy,so sad to admit that I know this but...

they just did the chicken prank with some pigs on the new 90210

Me and 3 other friends stole a walkie talkie from the lunch people at school ( more like guards who took post at every possible corner of the school to make sure no one ditched)and we started making jokes about planting bombs around the school. Well about 20 minutes later the cops show up and have everyone put into the gym so we would be safe. So after about an hour of waiting they let the school out for the rest of the day and did searches on the grounds. No one ever knew it was us. Pretty fuckin sweet if you ask me.

Last Easter my brother also dressed up his daughters doll to look like his baby boy and dropped it in front of my mom and she freaked the fuck out majorly and still wont talk about it. It was a good prank because my mom is insanely over protective when it comes to her grand kids or kids in general.

I had a ring from a broken engagement. It happened to fit a girl I was seeing who lived in a college apartment with three other girls. She came to stay the night with me and when I took her back to her apartment she was wearing the ring.

It took her roomies a while to notice but when they did they were all "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Though they were baffled because we'd known each other a whole month. We just said it was love at first sight and we knew it was right.

Anyway, we strung them along for about an hour before the girl said to me, OK, that's enough. How do we get out of it? So we cooked up a plan where she'd fake calling a friend to reveal the good news and instead say, "You'll never guess what my dumb roomies fell for." I made it behind a door with a lock just in time.

I let her hang on to the ring for a week to see what other mischief she could wreak with it.

Eventually I sold the ring for about half what I'd paid for it to an Italian guy who ran a pizza shop and later got kicked out of the country for being a drug dealer.

Good times.

Junior year of high school a group of friends and I were bored and got the bright idea of going to a nearby cemetary. It has this big clock tower atop a hill (the only hill in Illinois, perhaps?) and decided to pull a gag on this one friend, who's kind of a jerk. The plan was to drop him off, tell him we'd be back in 10-15 minutes, drive off, and let him wonder where we were for a while.

Instead, the first car pulls away (one guy driving, one girl who is very exaggerated in all emotional responses) and the car with two of my friends tells the guy to get in. We have him silence his phone, throw a big, dark coat over him, so that he blended in, and even worked it so that my friend's legs fit perfectly over him.

We go back after a while to retrieve him, since he wasn't calling or anything (so the others figured he wasn't even freaked out and we failed). Upon not seeing him there, the other car gets really freaked out, while mine puts on some Oscar-worthy performances. Running around looking for him and calling him, only to get his voicemail ensues. Eventually we see a cop car, and since it was past hours, we decide to skedaddle and come up with a plan of action to find him.

Down the block there are some restaurants, so we drive into one parking lot. En route, he gets off the floor of the car and sits in the back next to our other friend with this stupid grin on his face. The other car pulls up to us, gets one look at him, and exaggerated-emotion girl yells, "YOU F***ING ASSHOLES," near tears, while the driver just glares and drives away.

SCARY PRANK: My friend's 4 year old niece once looked at her mother while in the airport (flying from Dublin to London) and told the customs man "I've never seen this woman before in my life. I don't where we're going and I want to go home."
To this day, they have no idea where she came up with the idea. Funny but scary.

Man I love a good prank! Of course I'll forget the best ones but these are first that came to mind:

1. Saran wrap on the toilet (in boys cabin).
2. Sink gun- put a rubber band around the gun, aim at would be user and watch as they get wet.
3. Hide 50 condoms in anal retentive friend's dorm room and observe to slow madness. We put them in subtle places like CD cases, bottom of bed sheets, sweater piles, coffee maker etc.
4. Stolen podium from outdoor graduation stage at neighboring college.
5. Moving "for sale" signs around on houses.

Best one not yet realized:
Jumbotron message "congratulations on being a father!"

Since it's timely:

Robert Redford got so sick of Paul Newman's racing obsession that he bought a junked Porsche and put it on the back porch with a ribbon on it saying "Happy Birthday".

Paul Newman had the Porsche compacted, put in a box and delivered to Robert Redford's living room. (It dented the floor)

Redford then took the hunk of metal to a local artist who made a sculpture out of it and installed it in the Newman back garden.

Neither one ever acknowledge the other's actions.

I once attended a wedding with a friend (I didn't even know the people that were getting married but he needed a "date" for the wedding). Once the happy couple took off, we all went back to their apartment and turned everything upside-down. We didn't trash the place, we did it all very carefully, but we did it ALL- down to the spoons and forks in the utensil drawer and including a huge jar of change. We didn't do the bedroom though, because that would have been mean.
Looking back on it, I would have been pretty pissed to come back from a honeymoon and find that.

Mannheim Junior High 1983--lunchroom prank.

The lunchroom was huge and had extra tables on either side of the room for bigger district meetings and the like. A friend took a cartoon of milk and put it under one of those extra tables, hidden on a cross bracing. About 3 weeks later it was still there, telling you how hard our janitors cleaned the area. The same person took the milk cartoon and put it back up in line. Some guy took it, without noticing the warm temperature. He sat down, started to eat his lunch, went to the milk, as The Who's "Squeeze Box" played on the jukebox, he opened it to drink and was hit in the face with curdled milk and its by-products.

The lunch lady hustled over and asked what the problem was as the person was wretching on hands and knees. We were never caught and it was quite a story to tell the victum at high school graduation 4 years later.

Not my prank, but awesome none the less!
My grilfriend had been married for several years with 2 kids, and thought things were going well until she found out he had been cheating. Needless to say she was pissed, and being a firery redhead wanted to get some revenge before she got a divorce. Her hubbys birthday came shortly after she found out about his escapades. Chocolate revenge cake, she though would the best revenge, with the least consequences for her. Only one problem - she used a whole large box of exlax! He nearly died, the Dr in the emergency room said he had never seen such a severe case. To this day he doesnt know - she figures if he did she'd go to jail. Asshole deserved it!

I'm happily reading the comments so I can poach the best ideas for later.
I would like to contribute these:
1) My favorite all purpose prank is to put vaseline under car door handles then hide somewhere nearby to watch the person open their car door. The look of terror/disgust is priceless.
2) My minister, like many ministers, had a glass of water on the podium every Sunday. I heard from my mother that our minister was a teetotaller and got the brainstorm to switch his glass of water with a glass of vodka/water. Seeing as the church members were trusting, no one asked who had put out the glass of 'water' before the service. During the service, I watched with glee then disappointment as he picked up the water, sniffed it, then put it back down.

Later I was informed that he thought someone was trying to poison him. Also the amounts of trouble I got into for that prank - well, if they still excommunicated in my denomination, I'd definitely be excommunicated.

I have two pranks worth noting: My sophomore year of high school the seniors put the icing on their stupid prank (filling every single aisle in our school with paper plates filled with water, with one tiny walkway to get through without making a mess) by writing SENIORS 2000 on the grass next to our bleachers. One problem: the "paint" they used had some sort of bleach in it, and it completely killed the grass, and apparently destroyed the soil underneath it, because SENIORS 2000 was still there until last year, when they dug up the entire grassy area to just replant it. Good times. SENIORS 2000 WOOOOOO.

And this one is completely stolen from a friend's high school, but for her senior prank, they decided to let a senior who was dating a sophomore "borrow" her car (he had her keys since they were in luv 4-eva) and use it to completely block the entrance to the parking lot, so that all the SUV moms couldn't get in to drop off their children. Anyway, the dad wakes up, looks out his window, and sees that his child's car has been stolen. Of course, he calls the police to report it as such. One problem: this city happens to cross state borders, and the seniors "borrowed" the car in one state, and then drove it to school... which was in another. When the dad found out what had happened, he threated to file charges for Grand Theft Auto... across state borders. IE: huge huge charges. They got in a lot of trouble for that one.

I am not nearly creative enough to have anything to brag about.

I had a friend in high school, however, that was a genius at this stuff.

My favorite was when he somehow got a stencil and painted the handicap sign on every parking space in the teachers' lot at our high school. The maintenance crew painted over each one with black paint, but 9 years later you can still see the evidence. Awesome.

Let's see ... over 20 years military, jobs in construction/industrial, science background, unrepentantly evil friends; yeah, I've got a lot of pranks in my past.

Some I won't go into since the statute of limitations hasn't run out, like the combination of shotgun-shell bombs and patrol cars (such a fine line between pranky and felonious). Two of my favorites:

#1 requires a straight pin, a spool of black cotton thread, a damp washcloth, and a target window with a screen. Bend the pin into a hook, tie it to one end of the thread and hook it through the screen in the center of the window. Pay the thread out as you walk to a hiding space; across the street is perfect. Use the spool to pull the thread taut, then pinch the thread with the washcloth between your thumb and finger. Rub the cloth up and down the thread. This turns the window screen into a big low-frequency speaker and makes the most eerie godawful sounds you'll ever hear. And it is virtually invisible when they look out the window, so you can do this for a while. I hope my big sister doesn't read this column.

#2 If you have an acquaintance that is fairly drunk, you can sprinkle a nice dusting of powdered sugar between their bedsheets. If they are drunk they won't notice the powder, and if you turn off the A/C during the night so they sweat a little more -- well, hungover is bad, but hungover/glazed/unable to remove your bedsheets is a sight to behold.

I can't take credit for this, it was my SO, but I still grin thinking about it. In college he switched the letters on the church billboard at Christmas to read, "This Sunday. Pictures with Satan". His roommate swore he was going straight to hell. I love him so much.

1995-The senior class officers, with help from the hockey team, broke into the Vice Principle's Geo Tracker. They then pushed it up on to the roof of the gym, using plywood and a natural slope in the ground. They moved it over to the roof top to the front of the school. They then removed the tires and put it up on blocks.
The school had to rent a crane to get it down. I guess they never figured out how they got it up there. We (I was part of plan two) then rolled the tires in front of the doors on the last day of school (several months later) filled them with dirt and planted flowers in them.
Go Raiders!

Total lurker but part of a fantastic group of pranksters.

We flocked and TPed a friend's yard for his birthday. Forty plastic flamingoes + a dozen rolls of toilet paper + unexpected rainstorm overnight = giant mess.

In college, the boys downstairs painted our door with ketchup and mustard and stuck toilet paper all over it. Gross. To get back at them, we painted their doors with three dozen eggs (dries clear), and waiting for the smell to happen. Never happened, which tells you how badly the boys' floor smelled.

We've done many things like putting all the porch furniture on the roof, hiding little green army men all through the house (even in the back of the freezer so that they're found for months afterwards), and that kind of stuff.

One winter my husband and I wrapped my brother-in-law's car in four rolls of Saran Wrap and planted 200 plastic forks in his and my sister's front yard. She ratted me out to my mom and nearly cancelled Christmas. I still think it was funny, but I guess she didn't see the humor.

That same couple - the husband is extremely OCD. Moving all of the furninture in their house, and then watching him measure the distance from the table legs to the edge of the tiles. Tee hee.

Before our friends' return from their honeymoon, we loosened every light bulb in the house. Every one. Including the refrigerator. Drove them crazy trying to figure it out. That one is my favorite.

I can't WAIT to try the chicken prank.

1. Senior year of high school we hijacked the P.A. system and intermitantly cranked music during the last three days of school. How: An iPod hooked up to an amp in a little-used closet, in an area largely torn up for renovations.

2. Freshman year of college, my dorm section (F Section) saved up our beer cans for three weeks. In my room...a triple with two roomates, ample space for boxes and the F Section electric organ. It did kinda stink, but was ultimately worth it when, the night before Family Weekend, we hung a 3 story "F" assembled of mostly Keystone Light on the side of our hall. The next day everyone's parents came to visit for the first time since dropping them off at college and our 500-can creation blazed in the morning sun. How: Punch out the can bottoms, string 'em together, frame the horizontal parts with cheap wood, hang with rope and pride.

Having lived in dorms and then enlisting in the military, I learned that there was no end to the ways that guys could prank each other. My favorite, however, was before then.

In HS, I had three friends that I would go out drinking with and we would take turns being the designated driver. The only problem with that was that our friend Scott couldn't hold his liquor and would typically become a total asshole when drunk (cock-blocks, starting fights, etc.).

One particular night he was being a grade-A douche during the ride home (first bitched about stopping at the drive thru for food and then proceeded to spill it all over the car and us) after having gotten us kicked out of a party for groping the host's girlfriend, so I decided I had enough. Since we lived in a subdivision that was built with only four developers, you could find a house that looked like yours on another block. Scott was drunk enough that I was able to take him to the wrong house and drop him off w/him thinking it was his house (my friends played along). Then we drove down to the end of the street, parked and then quickly ran back to watch the fun.

When we arrived, Scott was at his front door vainly attempting to get his key to work. After 10 minutes, he finally relented and started ringing the doorbell for his dad to let him in. Needless to say, a man who was not his father opened the door (it's 1am BTW) and angrily asked, "WTF do you want?! Scott replied, "Who the fuck are you and where are my parents?" At this point, we all broke out laughing and started running back to my car. Scott heard us and staggered after, but didn't catch up. As a result he ended up having to walk 1 mile back to his house. Amazingly, he learned his lesson and stopped being a total ass after that.

* have to fly in *

Oh, and nothing beats 12-year scotch chilled by several thousand year old glacier ice.

This post is intended for the guys out in pajibaland, but you broads are welcome to read it. Recently my old lady and I purchased an Epson 1080p powerlite pro cinema projector with a one hundred inch 16 by 9 screen and a PS3 with built in Blu-ray, and a paradigm sound system with a yamaha receiver. Guys, I know I talk crazy shit most of the time, but if you don't do anything else in your pathetic lonely lives, please go out and get a 1080 projector, 96 inch screen or larger, and sound system to match. I watched "Iron Man" on blu-ray last night and it blew my mind, but the "Transformers", shiiiiiiiiit, it was out of this world especially with my sound system on full blast. I'm more into older films like "Three Days of the Condor", "Network" and "The Taking of Pelham One Two Three" and one of my all time favorites "The Boys from Brazil." Trust me I'm a movie aficionado, these motherfuckers here at pajiba don't know shit about cinema. Like I said just the other day, a prominent reviewer around here considered "Knocked Up" a classic.

Y'all are lightweights.

Ever since high school graduation, my best friend and I have been exchanging a certain VHS video tape each X-mas. Of course, neither one of us wants the damn thing, so we have to sneak it into the other's home without the other noticing.

What is the videotape, you ask?

Alyssa Milano's "Teen Steam" workout.

We're not even sure which one of us this atrocity truly belongs to, but we've been exchanging it for fifteen damn years.

'Twas a crisp December evening in Texas, and revenge was in the air. Our fraternity brothers had grown fond of the Jackassian art of "antiquing," grabbing a handful of flour and hurling it into the grill of an unsuspecting foe.

Since one of our brothers was departing at the end of that fall semester to pursue a nondescript West Coast internship (to protect the guilty, his name has been changed to Can Darlson), we wanted to send him off with one last hurrah. In this case, he wanted nothing more than to deliver the antiquing of a lifetime to a college nemesis who we'll call Custy Dooper.

This deep-seated hatred we had for Custy went back a few years, to when he manipulated hundreds into electing him class president. He abused the office to get girls with normally high standards to dramatically lower them for him, then kept schluffing his way through college--annoying the hell out of anyone in his way. Custy pledged the same fraternity that Can's father did in the 70s, and labeled him a shameful traitor for not following in dad's footsteps. Can resented the implication as he went his separate way, and vowed that he would exact revenge at the proper moment.

Which brings us back to that fateful evening. Our recon team spotted Custy smoking cigars with a group of his frat brothers in their favorite after-hours hangout, Denny's. We put spotters in place and waited for the right moment. I, the getaway driver, drove Can to a convenience store, where he picked up a 2-pound bag of Gold Medal All-Purpose Bleached -- a blend of select hard and soft wheat that sticks just right to a 5 o'clock shadow.

Can pocketed two handfuls in each jacket pocket and meandered into the restaurant. He declined a menu and paused to let the cold fog fade from his glasses, fixing his eyes on the table of unsuspecting targets. The plan was for a quick in-and-out job, and so my concern grew when Can took his sweet time walking over to the table to make small talk. I didn't realize at the time that this was a clever tactic to lower their guard. After about 5 minutes Can said his goodbyes and met eyes with Custy for what would be the last time. He still smiles when he remembers the way those dopey eyes blinked twice after the first handful of tightly packed powder distinguished Custy's Swisher Sweet and blanketed his face. Time stood still as Can unloaded the second handful into the despicable mouth of his nemesis, provoking a gagging sound.

Custy's frat brothers sat motionless as Can turned heel and ran the fastest 20-yard dash of his life and dove headfirst through the open door and into the passenger seat of my '91 Nissan Sentra. Adrenaline-filled jubilee ensued as the night ended with laughs and a case of Shiner Bock.

What the prank lacked in intricate thought, it made up for in a precious culmination of 4 years of buildup.

As a result he ended up having to walk 1 mile back to his house. Amazingly, he learned his lesson and stopped being a total ass after that.

Posted by: Soup Sandwich at October 1, 2008 10:50 PM

I love a story with a moral. I hereby christen you Aesop of Pajiba.

I've pulled a few pranks but one of my favourite was a team effort.

I went to a catholic boarding school with communal dormitories. In my dorm there would have been at least 40 boys all watched over by Brother Flaherty.
One night, about 5 of us emptied the contents of a number of containers of talcum powder onto the blades of the ceiling fans which were evenly spaced from one end of the long dorm to the other.
Once everyone was settled in and almost asleep, I started vocalising about how hot it was. The co-conspirators then chimed in one after the other. Once enough people began complaining loudly enough, Brother Flaherty came out from his office insisting everyone be quite.
He walked over to the speed controls for the fans at the wall and turned them on high. Needled to say, hilarity did indeed ensue. That shit got everywhere.

Later, once he had weeded out those responsible, Brother Flaherty revenge pranked my rectum in his office... Ah, catholic boarding schools...

Hey, I apologise if I offend Che Grovera. Poor taste? Probably. With intent to hurt anyone, not at all. I retract the comment as it was not meant to be hurtful to anyone, and being likened to Dane Cook? It stings. Let me just say, boarding school was not fun for me and this is one of the few light hearted moments I remember.

OK, Dexter, just don't talk about me like I'm Oz or some such shit ("...if I offend Che Grovera"). Ain't no third person curtains here.

Look, more than anything I'm probably interested in helping you out -- so I'll chalk this one up to a rookie mistake. The line between satire and outright offense can be very thin; I know I had to cross it more than a few times to figure out exactly where it was drawn. Then, of course, you have to account for the fact that the line isn't static...it shifts over time. So what was offensive yesterday is now funny (and vice versa), and aren't you an asshole for not noticing?

Bottom line: don't sweat it -- this time. My reaction would have been entirely different had you not thrown in about it stinging to be compared to Dane Cook...that's how I knew you might have some salvageable humanity.

My friend Brandon had some kind of disagreement going on with a girl who lived in the same college housing he did. I have no idea what sparked this off, but somehow it escalated into full scale war. He came to my house one night and we stayed up all night calling up every TV offer and magazine ad for free information on products, services, and offers. We sent armed forces recruiters, religious folk, and the like to her door, ordered subscriptions.... you get the idea. This was before the internet, so this was a very labor intensive,and even better, completely untraceable endeavor. My role in this was to impersonate this girl on the phone. Anyway, within days the junk mail started to arrive. Within weeks she was completely inundated with it. Heaps of it, and it just kept coming. He later told me that she became so upset and anxiety ridden over the mountains of junk mail she flipped out and moved. Of course, my junk mail always finds me when I move, so I bet she is still getting pelted with that crap to this day. THAT is a prank with staying power.

Brandon died of a heart attack at age 30 in July. I love remembering him in his evil and vindictive youth.
Careful with those prescription pain pills, kids.

My oh my. You are an impatient little shit, aren't you Dexter? Have you spent too much time on AIM? You can't get the attention of someone on a blog the way you (think you) can on IM. Patience, grasshopper.

That was a much better attempt at satire, BTW.

heh this diversion made me go straight to youtube to watch that Justice video "We are your friends" where every passed out person wakes up the morning after the party with crazy shit done to them.

Its done out of love!

Dear Godtopus, I think I might be married to Pookie.

Once, after I flushed my career down the crapper with excessive booze, blow, and self-tanner, I pretended for a couple of months that I was bumping coochies with my onl- er best friend just so that people would find me semi-interesting enough to take my picture and blog about me.

And it worked! Hahaha omg I'm so clever.

Years ago, I was working at a gymnastics school which was in a formerly abandoned school building infested with palmetto bugs (read "giant cockroaches". One of the coaches pranked me by throwing a handful of rubber roaches over my desk that landed between my legs. After I did a wicked dance and screamed until I was dizzy, I decided to retaliate by taking a large rubber snake and attaching a wire to it. I connected the wire to his inner driver's side car door and covered it with a hand towel I found in the car. For good measure, I greased the door handle.

When he left for the evening, he was distracted by the greasy door handle, but when he flung the door open, the snake flew across the inside of the car towards him, causing him to fly back over the hood of the neighboring vehicle and let loose a line of expletives in front of the parents and kids. Ah, revenge was sweet, lol!.

My sophomore year of college, I lived on a floor that pranked each other constantly. It's amazing we got anything else done. A few examples:

--Chris covered ALL of my belongings with Post-It notes, some of them helpfully labeled ("bed" "lightswitch" "floor" etc).
--After learning about my childhood fear of Zeke the Plumber from Salute Your Shorts, Chris dressed up like him and waited for me to fall asleep. I woke up at 4 in the morning to find him plunging the floor of my room.
--Chris had a cardboard cutout of Arnold Schwarzenegger for some reason, and it always freaked out his roommate. When his roommate was out, we rigged up a kind of pulley system so when Manny got back and opened the door, the cardboard Arnold would fly through the air and into Manny's face. It was pretty ingenious.
--We all chipped in money to buy a silver manthong for Chris's 20th birthday. He then proceeded to throw it in people's faces when they were sleeping.
--Greg and Pat stole my suitemate's mattress, put it out in the hallway, then locked her out of her room. She had to shove the mattress through our shared bathroom to get back it back into her room.
--Manny and Cory tricked Wendy into going into Manny's room -- walking right into a wall of wrapping paper.
--All of our doors were highly decorated with random pictures and inside jokes. When I went home for Easter Weekend, they took my door off its hinges and swapped it for someone else's down the hall, confusing the hell out of me when I got back.

My favorite story, though, happened freshman year. Three guys were throwing water balloons out of their third floor window. They weren't aiming them directly at people, just close enough to get them a little wet. Obnoxious, but not really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Well, one burly guy didn't take it too well and STORMED into the dorm to try to hunt down the culprits. I don't know what they were thinking, but instead of staying calm and in their rooms where they were theoretically safe, they decided to split up and run all around the halls. Burly Guy cornered Garrett in a stairwell and interrogated him, while Garrett persisted his innocence. "What the fuck were you running for if you didn't do anything?!" "Uhhhh... cake!" "Cake?" "Yeah, man, it's my friend's birthday and his mom sent him this awesome cake. I LOVE CAKE!"

Somehow that worked. Garrett escaped with his life, and now I use "running for cake" as an excuse for whenever I'm in a hurry. (Actually, it WAS Pat's birthday, and we all enjoyed some mighty good cake later that night.)

I found out this guy that I had been casually seeing had told his scumbag friends that we had sex with all the unmentionable details. However, it wasn't true at all (this was back in the day when I was still a pure virgin.)I acted like I hadn't heard, and invited him over and asked him to undress in the living room. Through the window conveniently left open a friend hiding in the backyard snatched his clothes. I burst in and took a picture of a shocked, naked young man. I made a flier complete with picture (naughty bits blacked out, even I'm not that cruel) that read: "Have you seen my penis? If so, please call 555-2532. I posted said fliers around his neighborhood. Last I heard, he had to change his number because so many people called claiming to have found his penis.

Now that I think of it... that was a little fucked up, I'm probably responsible for many hours of therapy.

It's a tie Drake's and Che's pranks are funny as heck!!!!

Ava good stuff!!!!!

TO had a good one too!!!!

Soup Sandwich had some good stuff!!!!