By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Comment Diversions | Comments (147)
Best and Worst Movie character names:
Best: Chev Chelios from Crank.
Worst: Bilbo Baggins from Lord of the Rings.
Your turn.
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Posted by: gilp at July 28, 2009 9:06 PM
Alliteration, mmm
Best : Prince Humperdink - The Princess Bride
Worst : Dirk Diggler - Boogie nights
Posted by: StepDown at July 28, 2009 9:11 PM
Pussy Galore.
Either category. It is so awful it's great.
Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at July 28, 2009 9:13 PM
Best: Ferris Bueller
Worst: Boba/Jango Fett
Posted by: logar at July 28, 2009 9:15 PM
Oh, fuck you, Rowles. Bilbo Baggins wasn't even a movie character name originally.
The real worst movie name ever? Beatrix Kiddo.
Posted by: SJ at July 28, 2009 9:15 PM
Best: Darius Lovehall -- Love Jones
Worst: Fatima Blush -- Never Say Never Again
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 28, 2009 9:16 PM
best (tie): han solo, nomi malone
worst: borat
Posted by: gp at July 28, 2009 9:19 PM
Best: Anyone from American Beauty. Everyone's named so well for their character.
Worst: I'll second Beatrix Kiddo. Maybe add Sam Witwicky (Transformers) to the list.
Posted by: whatBENwatches at July 28, 2009 9:29 PM
worst: Dr. Christmas Jones
Best: (Tie) Lando Calrissian, Indiana Jones
Posted by: TylerDFC at July 28, 2009 9:32 PM
Best: Dr. Frank N. Furter
Worst: Pussy Galore
Posted by: Cindy at July 28, 2009 9:32 PM
Best: Sabrina Fairchild
Worst: I don't like putting out negative thoughts like these into the universe. Nobody has a bad name. Embrace what your creators gave you.
But, OK, Turk and Rooster from Righteous Kill.
Posted by: Sabrina with a B at July 28, 2009 9:33 PM
Best: O-ren Ishii from Kill Bill. I love the way it just rolls off the tongue.
Worst: Gaylord Focker
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 28, 2009 9:35 PM
Best: Otto (Repo Man)
Worst: Duckie (no wonder he didn't get the girl)
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 28, 2009 9:35 PM
best: keyser soze, egon spengler
worst: johnny utah. i love point break, but his name makes me laugh.
Posted by: kelley at July 28, 2009 9:35 PM
Best: Keyser Soze
Worst: Luke/Leia Skywalker (okay, Leia is Organa. Sue me)
I know the bitch was dying, but was that the best she could do?
Posted by: slower lower at July 28, 2009 9:36 PM
Holy shit Kelley, I swear that wasn't there when I hit post.
Posted by: slower lower at July 28, 2009 9:38 PM
Best: Francesco Dellamorte - Cemetary Man
Hollywood Montrose - Mannequin
Madmartigan - Willow
Worst: pretty much all the bond girls
Posted by: s. pisaster at July 28, 2009 9:45 PM
Best: Inigo Montoya
Worst: Jabba the Hutt
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 9:45 PM
Ooh, Mel good call on O-Ren. Awesome name.
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 9:46 PM
This isn't a movie, but I've been on an X-Files bender for the last several months, so:
Marita Covarrubias
I can't decide if it's the best or the worst. On the one hand, it's like, "Cova-whatsawho-vias??"
On the other, the rattle of multiple syllables is very ear-catching, whether you catch them all or not.
Posted by: Edwina the Magnificent at July 28, 2009 9:48 PM
Best: Rufus T. Firefly, "Duck Soup."
Worst: Anton Chighur ("Sugar?" "Shi-guuuuur"), "No Country for Old Men."
Worst actual name: Mrs. , has a relative of some kind (I've never quite understood the connection) whose name is Dick Seaman.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 28, 2009 9:48 PM
Best names: Brock Landers & Chest Rockwell (those are great names!)
Worst: Lord Farquaad from Shrek (just unnecessary)
Posted by: bubblegumshoe at July 28, 2009 9:48 PM
Best: Jacombim Mugatu/Katinka Ingabogovinanana/Brint, Rufus, and Meekus (Zoolander)
Worst: The Bass Player (That Thing You Do!) (Just because I think it's ridiculous that they couldn't give him some sort of name or nickname. He's arguably the 6th most important character in the movie--definitely more important than Guy's sister, Guy's uncle, Guy's girlfriend, the original drummer, and the hotel manager, and ALL of those characters had names.)
Posted by: Bethany at July 28, 2009 9:49 PM
Best: Princess Buttercup
Worst: Marty McFly
I was going to say Dr. Frank N. Furter but Cindy beat me to it.
Posted by: stardust savant at July 28, 2009 9:49 PM
The 5th Element has some of the best character names:
Dallas Korben, Leeloo, Vito Cornelius, Dallas Korben, Jean-Baptist Emanuel Zorg...
Worst: Boba Fett. Boba means 'dumb girl' in spanish. Never could take him seriously.
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 9:50 PM
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Goddamn that is a kick-ass line.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 28, 2009 9:50 PM
Wait ... Does the Man With No Name count as the best name?
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 28, 2009 9:51 PM
Oh! and Ruby Rhod from 5th Element.
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 9:51 PM
Right on with The Fifth Element names, figgy.
And to play exactly by the rules, Bilbo Baggins is not really a movie character's name...he started out as just a character on the page.
Posted by: stardust savant at July 28, 2009 9:52 PM
Best - General Buck Turgidson. In fact, any of the names from Dr. Strangelove.
Worst - Valentine McKee. Not even Bacon can fix that.
Posted by: Goldie at July 28, 2009 9:53 PM
Buc, my uncles played high school football on a team with a kid named Seaman and a kid named Condom in the same backfield. And the school colors were brown and yellow. They couldn't win for losing.
Posted by: Tracer Bullet at July 28, 2009 9:54 PM
Best: Tyler Durden
Worst: Luigi Mario
Posted by: Sunsneezer at July 28, 2009 10:01 PM
Willy Mays Hayes, hits like Mays, runs like Hayes
Posted by: Steven Lloyd Wilson at July 28, 2009 10:03 PM
Best: Snake Plissken
Worst: Almost every name in "The Love Guru"
Posted by: bleujayone at July 28, 2009 10:04 PM
Best: Mufasa, Grand Moff Tarkin
Worst: Beatrix Kiddo, Count Dooku
Best real named person I know: Killian Lawless. For real - I know his parents.
Posted by: malechai at July 28, 2009 10:11 PM
best name Napolean Dynamite.
worst name i second Gaylord Focker.
Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 28, 2009 10:12 PM
Best: Holly Golightly
Worst: M'Lynn Eatenton from Steel Magnolias.
Posted by: wooky at July 28, 2009 10:14 PM
Argh. Yes on Gaylord Focker. If only because that ENTIRE series revolves around making fun of his name. Argh.
Indiana Jones is another great name.
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 10:14 PM
Best: Donnie Darko
Worst: Can I nominate an actor? Every time I hear the name Hugh Jackman I hear Huge Jackman. Gross....just, it grosses me out.
Posted by: Lindsay at July 28, 2009 10:16 PM
Best - Royal Tennenbaum (a regal Christmas tree? OWN!)
Worst - I gotta agree with Beatrix Kiddo, partially because it's so secretive for a movie-and-a-half, and then it's like "Wow, that's idiotic!"
Posted by: Christian H. at July 28, 2009 10:21 PM
As for real life awesome names, we have a local newsman named Ron Savage. Kinda cool, I guess. But I just found out his kid is named Rock.
ROCK SAVAGE! The kid is only 5 or 6 and I have to assume he could already kick my ass.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at July 28, 2009 10:21 PM
Best? Gods, there are so many ... I'll have to second the names from The Fifth Element. Especially Ruby Rod. That's what a DJ's name should be like.
Worst? Darth Sidious.
Posted by: The Wanderer at July 28, 2009 10:23 PM
Another one for best:
Connor MacLeod (of the Clan MacLeod, and he cannot die)
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 28, 2009 10:24 PM
Best: Inigo Montoya
Worst: Norbit, Rasputia, Pluto Nash, any of the Klumps. Blerg.
Posted by: jM at July 28, 2009 10:25 PM
Best - everyone in Ghost World, the names were so fitting
Worst - Benjamin Button
Posted by: courtcourt at July 28, 2009 10:25 PM
OMG, figgy, I just watched The Fifth Element the other night, and I practically came when Oldman said Jean-Babtiste Emmanuel Zorg. AWESOME!
Posted by: Christian H. at July 28, 2009 10:25 PM
Count Dooku wins for worst.
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 10:27 PM
it means he wants to have gay sex with God himself not a good mental image.
Posted by: Utah Dynamo at July 28, 2009 10:30 PM
Radio Raheem.
Which reminds me: Can we take that header pix down, please? That just looks too fuckin' painful to contemplate.
Fight the power, y'all.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 28, 2009 10:31 PM
HEY HEY HEY easy on the Star Wars hate, douchebags.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at July 28, 2009 10:33 PM
Rock Savage sounds like a character in a Sly Stallone or Dolph Lundgren 80's film. I love it.
There's a lawyer in Orlando whose name is Piercy Stakelum. I always thought it sounded like the name of a gay vampire hunter in a porno.
Back on topic:
Best: Walker & Texas Ranger from Talladega Nights (honestly, I think I'd be surprised if no one has ever named their kids after Chuck Norris's tv show)
Worst: anyone from Southland Tales... like Dr. Soberin Exx
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 28, 2009 10:34 PM
Oh, and a personal favorite - in the Little Bear (children's movies) the snake is named: No Feet.
I mean really, what could be better?
Posted by: Cindy at July 28, 2009 10:35 PM
Well Star Wars has the best and the worst names out there. For the best there's Han Solo, Obi Wan Kenobi, Darth Maul (YEAAAAA), Lando Calrissian, Anakin, Darth Vader, etc etc etc. Even Amidala is a cool name.
Then it has Count Dooku, Boba Fett, Jabba the Hutt...SALACIOUS CRUMB (augh), Darth Sidious...
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 10:37 PM
Best: Darth Vader. Richard B. Riddick. David Xanatos (not really a film, but it is just so cool).
Worst: Beastmaster. Just Beastmaster. Come on: Kodo and Podo?
Real life best names: Laurence Fishburne and Delroy Lindo. Oh and Billy Drago (he plays a lot of villains).
Real life worst name: Jakki Degg. Just no.
Posted by: Vermillion at July 28, 2009 10:39 PM
Best: Seconding Snake Plisskin
Worst: Woman Saltzburger (a woman at a hippie commune in the little-seen Martin Mull vehicle "Serial". When she introduces herself as "Woman" to Mull, his response is "Yeah? How do you get your mail?")
2nd worst: Pistachio Disguisey ("The Master of Disguise"....ugh)
Posted by: sansho1 at July 28, 2009 10:39 PM
Best: Wes Mantooth, Anchorman
Worst: yes, it is Count Dooku.
Posted by: moretroops at July 28, 2009 10:41 PM
Also, I wish Snow Crash were a movie so I could nominate Hiro Protagonist as best name.
Posted by: Lindsay at July 28, 2009 10:43 PM
I wanted to be all original and find the best name no one has thought of yet, but if I could have the name of any movie character it would definitely be Indiana Jones.
Worst: Ecks and Sever from that movie... Mr. and Mrs. Smith?
Posted by: Macafee at July 28, 2009 10:45 PM
Worst name: Long Duk Dong. That's just wrong. Or possibly Mia Thermopolis--sounds so painfully made-up! Ooh, or Rasputia--good call, jM!
Best name: Blinkin.
Posted by: meaux at July 28, 2009 10:45 PM
I could do this all night:
Best: Bill S. Preston, Esquire & Ted "Theodore" Logan
I'm a little suprised no one's said "the Dude" yet!
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at July 28, 2009 10:50 PM
Best- Brick Top (Snatch)
Worst- Jar Jar Binks
Posted by: krza at July 28, 2009 10:51 PM
Best: Clementine Kruczynski
Worst: Beatrix Kiddo. I third it.
Posted by: Kamikaze Feminist at July 28, 2009 10:55 PM
Since DR could roll with Bilbo Baggins, I can go the same route and say that they really SHOULD make a movie adaptation of "Bored of the Rings" by the Harvard Lampoon.
Frito and Dildo Bugger?
Goodgulf Greyteeth?
Arrowshirt of Arrowroot?
It doesn't get better (or worse) than that.
Posted by: Spender at July 28, 2009 10:56 PM
Best: Max Power (even tho it's a fictional character's alter ego), Steve Austin, Buggin' Out
Worst: Count Dooku, gotta agree with that
Posted by: Chris at July 28, 2009 10:56 PM
For some old school flavor:
Best: Mildred Pierce
Worst: Charlie Allnut
Posted by: bev rage at July 28, 2009 10:58 PM
Count Dushku?
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 28, 2009 10:59 PM
hee!
Posted by: bev rage at July 28, 2009 11:01 PM
best: Igby Slocumb (Igby Goes Down), Donnie Darko, or Hans Gruber (Die Hard)
worst: I'd have to go with Sam Witwicky, as someone else already mentioned.
Posted by: Lena at July 28, 2009 11:03 PM
Best- Brick Top (Snatch)
Posted by: krza at July 28, 2009 10:51 PM
It may be cool in a movie, but I have a cousin names Brick. It sucks.
Posted by: Lena at July 28, 2009 11:06 PM
I named my cat Han Solo because it's a cool name and I'm a huge dork.
My next cat is going to be a red tabby named Salacious Crumb.
Posted by: malechai at July 28, 2009 11:09 PM
A second on Clementine Kruczynski. The way that song informs the movie, awesome. Other bests: Dr. Strangelove, Bill & Ted's full names, Liz Lemon. Also a pre-emptive one, crossing fingers he is featured in future movie: Bob Loblaw
Worst? BILL. Just to annoy the Beatrix Kiddo haters. I thought it was an awesome name.
Undecided? Long Haired Yuppie Scum from Pulp Fiction.
Posted by: Barabajagalla at July 28, 2009 11:24 PM
Best: Gandalf the Grey, Lord of the Rings (fuck you, Dustin)
Worst: Guru Tugginmypudah, The Love Guru. Hell, you could watch virtually any Mike Meyers movie and find a candidate.
Posted by: George at July 28, 2009 11:26 PM
And I know Liz Lemon is not a movie character either, but I don't care cause it's awesome.
Posted by: Barabajagalla at July 28, 2009 11:27 PM
Guy Ritchie has a flair for naming his gangsters: One Two, Franky Four-Fingers, Bullet Tooth Tony, Handsome Bob, etc. They're kinda fun.
Posted by: Mimi at July 28, 2009 11:31 PM
Best: I liked J.F. Sebastian in Blade Runner
And I'd like to second Rufus T. Firefly, simply out of Marx Brothers love.
Worst: Lara Croft. Seriously, who is named Lara? It's like an abbrev of Laura. And Croft always reminds me of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.
Posted by: esme at July 28, 2009 11:32 PM
Dick Lemon is better. After all, it wouldn't be a Lemon party without old Dick.
Posted by: SaBrina at July 28, 2009 11:32 PM
NEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLYYYYYY O'HAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAA
(best, obvs.)
Posted by: Claire at July 28, 2009 11:32 PM
Ooh! some more. I could do this all night:
The Godfather has some fantastic names. Corleone, Tattaglia, Barzini, Sollozzo, Stracci, Bocchiccio...etcetcetc.
And from Some Like it Hot:
Sugar Kane Kowalczyck (Marilyn, of COURSE)
Osgood Fielding III
Spats Columbo
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 11:37 PM
Best - Rod Randall and Montana Moorehead from Soapdish. Perfect name for soap opera stars.
I'm blanking on the worst right now. Something will come to me.
Posted by: Jeni at July 28, 2009 11:45 PM
Best- clementine from eternal sunshine and marge gunderson from Fargo
Posted by: The chaplain at July 28, 2009 11:47 PM
Best: Crash Davis - Bull Durham
Biggus Dickus - Life of Brian
Worst: Stifler's mother - American Pie
Goldmember - Austin Powers......
Posted by: swingdude at July 28, 2009 11:50 PM
HANS GRUBER FTW.
Posted by: eden at July 28, 2009 11:51 PM
"Spats Colombo" just made me giggle.
Posted by: sansho1 at July 28, 2009 11:52 PM
Best: Daniel Farraday, even if it's from TV. That last name would make any first name sound awesome.
My worsts have been said so I'm going to pass on that.
Posted by: Monica at July 28, 2009 11:53 PM
Oh and I always loved Count Laszlo de Almásy from The English Patient.
I'll stop now.
Posted by: figgy at July 28, 2009 11:59 PM
is no one going to mention MARYBETH LOUISE HUTCHINSON FROM ATLANTA?!?!
Posted by: gp at July 29, 2009 12:27 AM
Oh, I second Clementine from Eternal Sunshine.
Uh, Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles is just such a good name.
I would also nominate Scout and Atticus Finch, even though they're from a book.
For worst? Dickie Greenleaf from The Talented Mr. Ripley.
Posted by: Mandy at July 29, 2009 12:27 AM
Best: Zap Rowsdower, The Final Sacrifice
Worst: Harold Crick, Stranger than Fiction. I cringe every time I hear it. Love the movie and the character, hate the name.
Posted by: Jim Doggie at July 29, 2009 12:36 AM
Best names: Joey Zaza, Zed (cause he's dead), "Fast" Eddie Felson and Reg Dunlop.
Posted by: richmac at July 29, 2009 12:37 AM
Holy shit, Claire! I haven't though about Neely O'Hara in YEARS! Thank you, and seconded.
I can't think of a worst one, so I will add another one, as Unlikely Best: Virgil Tibbs, if only for the immortal line that will still give me goosebumps: "They call me MISTER Tibbs!"
Posted by: The Wandering Parakeet at July 29, 2009 12:58 AM
It's Korben Dallas, figgy.
Posted by: JakesAlterEgo at July 29, 2009 12:59 AM
The Best: Orry Maine from North and South
The Worst: Jar Jar Binks from The Phantom Menace
Posted by: The Pink Hulk at July 29, 2009 1:00 AM
Best: Kaywinnet Lee Frye, Vada Sultenfuss, Smalls and Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez, Teddy Duchamp just because I like saying it (even though he is a book character as well).
Worst: I second Luke and Leia. Painfully lame. Andie Anderson and Benjamin Barry (gag me with a spoon).
Posted by: TryScience at July 29, 2009 1:01 AM
Best: Egon Spengler (Ghostbusters), Vladimir Wolodarsky (Life Aquatic)
Worst: Any of those bitches from Steel Magnolias. Ouiser? Truvy? Clairee? Annelle? Fucking M'LYNN? The accents in that movie were like nails on chalkboard - the names did not help.
Posted by: Another Jen at July 29, 2009 1:06 AM
While we're veering into tvland I'd like to nominate Edmund Blackadder, Zapp Brannigan, and Brock Samson for best.
Arnold Judas Rimmer and Sod Off Baldric could go either way.
Posted by: Inaras at July 29, 2009 1:16 AM
How about a Worst for Edward Cullen? I'm not just saying that because I hate Twilight. No part of that name is sexy, attractive, or even fun to say. Cullen is such a gag-enducing last name. That name feels like Clap-Trap Gullet.
I'm also waivering on Hannibal Lecter. On the one hand, it's attached to such a brilliantly terrifying character. On the other, it intentionally rhymes with cannibal, which is kinda retarded when you think about it.
What was Alan Tudyk's name in Firefly/Serenity again? Wash I remember, but I remember I really liked his full name as well.
Oh and just to show I can be fair to Twilight people, Hermoine Grainger is a pretty ugly name too. Harry Potter is barely better (name-wise, I mean. I love me some Harry Potter).
Posted by: Christian H. at July 29, 2009 1:43 AM
Alan Tudyk was "Wash" in Firefly. His full name wasn't shown until the movie grave as far as I know, as "Hoban Washburne".
That doesn't count as a spoiler does it? Because honestly, shame on you if you haven't seen Serenity.
Posted by: Stacynotstacey at July 29, 2009 1:53 AM
Best:
Allegra Geller eXistenZ
Joel Cairo Maltese Falcon (it's just so fitting..)
Worst:
Jedediah Leland Citizen Kane
Posted by: AlwaysConfused at July 29, 2009 2:08 AM
Best: C. K. Dexter Haven
Worst: Muriel Pritchett
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Posted by: william at July 29, 2009 5:37 AM
Best: Bill "the Butcher" Cutting, Ash (applicable for both Alien and Evil Dead)
Worst: Barton Fink
Posted by: Brian at July 29, 2009 6:30 AM
Best: Zap Rowsdower, The Final Sacrifice
I thought of this name while I was reading all the comments, forgot it, cursed my bad memory and hoped I would remember it again. DAMN YOU FOR TAKING ROWSDOWER. I will second Rowsdower, though, for "best."
Best: Rick Blaine
Worst: Charlie Allnut, Isabella Swan, Thurman Merman
Posted by: duckandcover at July 29, 2009 7:53 AM
Best: Surprised no one mentioned Slevin Kelevra
Worst: Humbert Humbert, from Lolita
Posted by: Raine at July 29, 2009 7:53 AM
On the one hand, it's attached to such a brilliantly terrifying character. On the other, it intentionally rhymes with cannibal
*blinks* you just blew my mind. I have missed this obvious detail my entire life. Crap, I'm an idiot.
I think I'll just throw my support behind the Fifth Element mentions. Love the movie, love the names. Plavalaguna!
Worst: Woody from Toy Story. Awkward!
Posted by: HB at July 29, 2009 8:00 AM
Best: Tina Sparkle (Strictly Ballroom)
Worst: Muriel Heslop (Muriel's Wedding) -- This name get bonus points because she was from a town called Porpoise Spit.
Posted by: Carolina Girl at July 29, 2009 8:27 AM
Best: Long Duck Dong - Sixteen Candles
Worst: John Smith - Mr. and Mrs. Smith
Posted by: Kballs at July 29, 2009 8:48 AM
Best: Kaiser Sose (Usual Suspects)
Worst: Andy Anderson from How to lose a guy in ten days (ie Kate Hudson's character. Seriously, 'Andy Anderson'? Why even bother? Just call her 'lead-hot-chick-cast-for-her-ass-and-not-her-talent' and be done with it. Bad character names really bug me. I have always hated Patricia Cornwell's (crime author) tendency to use really shitty puns as character names, eg Washington George and Allen Edgar Poe etc. It grates me.
Posted by: JJ McClay at July 29, 2009 9:00 AM
Best - Clarence Boddicker, Robocop
Worst - Count Dooku
Posted by: Todd at July 29, 2009 9:13 AM
Actually, Inigo Montoya is from a book as well, Princess Bride was a novel by William Goldman. If you love the movie, think of it as the Cliffs Notes for the book. Extra extra deliciousness.
Posted by: anitra_larae at July 29, 2009 9:20 AM
Best: Veronica Corningstone.
Worst: Gay Man (from Milk. No for reals check the credits it's actually a part)
Posted by: buttercup at July 29, 2009 9:23 AM
Best:
Frankie "Five Angels" Pentangeli and Lucca Brazzi (if only for the 'sleeps with da fishes' line)
River Tan
Veruca Salt
Worst: nothing new, gotta go with Dooku and Jar-Jar
Posted by: Tyzerman at July 29, 2009 9:31 AM
RE: Bethany's That Thing You DO! worst -
I actually love that they never say his name through the whole movie. You almost dont even really notice until the credits come up and call him TB Player. I do hate that they call him "TB Player" though. Why don't they just say "The Bass Player"??
More worsts for me: Chase Meridian (Batman Forever), Memphis Raines (Gone in 60 Secs) Edward Cullen, "Hawk" from Detroit Rock City, Dorothy Boyd
more bests: Vincent Vega, Wes Mantooth, Gretchen Weiners, Ferris Beuller
Posted by: bubblegumshoe at July 29, 2009 9:45 AM
In an attempt to come up with something not mentioned yet:
Best: S. Quentin Quale (Groucho Marx) in "Go West." This is making fun of the fact that women in the 1930's weren't called chicks, but were called quail. And if they were underage, they were San Quentin quail.
Worst: Homer Simpson (Donald Sutherland) in "The Day of the Locust."
Posted by: BWeaves at July 29, 2009 9:57 AM
Worst: Howard the duck
I'm not going to lie, I love this movie. But, really? The best name you could come up with was Howard the motherfucking duck?
Let's break this down for a minute.
Part 1) "Howard"
Howard is not what you name an alien from another universe. Howard is the name of your friend's uncle who lives on the jersey shore, is a huuuuuuuuge jets fan, and may actually be friends with Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Lucas fail.
Part 2)
"the duck"
Thank god we have "the duck" as part of Howard's name. I mean, otherwise, think of how confused we would be? People would say, how can I distinguish this Howard from my friend's uncle Howard? I mean, they both like Beer and want to bang Leah Thompson (although, really, who didn't?)? How can I possibly tell the difference?
Some might try and argue that "the duck" is redundant because Howard is a human sized, peep colored, english-speaking, motherfucking DUCK and that he represents the only thing more conspicuous than a damn ninja turtle--at least green blends into the shadows.
Those people were clearly wrong...box office scoreboard bitches....
Lucas win.
Posted by: "Luker" the barbarian at July 29, 2009 9:59 AM
Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr, "The Man With Two Brains"
It's such an awful name, but hearing people try to pronounce it is so much fan.
So ... split decision.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 29, 2009 10:05 AM
*-fun.
Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at July 29, 2009 10:08 AM
Best: Sookie Sapperstein (Claire Danes' character from Igby Goes Down)
Worst: Larry the Cable Guy, Health Inspector.
Posted by: MG at July 29, 2009 10:26 AM
Best: Randy "The Ram" Robinson (if only because I've been recently turning his name into a verb. Try it. Like it.) I also like Jesus Shuttlesworth, Luca Brasi, Jet Black & Duo Maxwell (nerdgasm) and every name used here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFHlJ2voJHY
Worst; EVERYTHING HARRY POTTER. I'm sorry but they are all dumb, dumb, dumb names that sound like something an eight-grade girl came up with.
Posted by: Dan at July 29, 2009 11:42 AM
Best: Ruprecht the Monkey Boy, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Worst: Sick Boy, Trainspotting
Posted by: courtney at July 29, 2009 11:47 AM
Thank you BWeaves for that delicious bit of Marx Bros trivia.
...and you are officially the biggest film geek here.
Posted by: yup at July 29, 2009 11:56 AM
Best: Dr Spaceman
Worst: again, Sam Witwicky and everything about that movie including Megan Fox's real name.
Posted by: yup at July 29, 2009 12:03 PM
I can't believe Zaphod Beeblebrox didn't show up somewhere in this list. I nominate it for both categories.
Posted by: ahamos at July 29, 2009 12:29 PM
Best: Snake Plissken (Escape From New York)
Karl Hungus (The Big Lebowski)
Jesus Quintana (The Big Lebowski)
Worst: Mario Mario and Luigi Mario (Super Mario Bros.)
Posted by: henchman for hire at July 29, 2009 12:30 PM
And Hotblack Desiato, too, although he doesn't appear in that shitty movie.
Posted by: ahamos at July 29, 2009 12:30 PM
Having a kid in the house, we watch a lot of cartoons. My nominee for the worst names ever--the Berenstein Bears. When Papa bear and Mama bear call their kids "Brother" and "Sister", it makes them sound like some insanely inbred family where your mother _is_ your sister and so is grandma.
Posted by: True_Blue at July 29, 2009 12:33 PM
Best: Samson Simpson, Squirrel Master, Sir Smoke-a-lot, and The Guy on the Couch (Half Baked)
Worst: Julia Gulia, if she would've married that douche (The Wedding Singer)
Posted by: Jazz at July 29, 2009 12:50 PM
And Nasty Nate! How could I forget Nasty Nate?
Posted by: Jazz at July 29, 2009 12:52 PM
Oooh, CK Dexter Haven is another great one. And Macauley Connor. That movie is full of greatness. When Jimmy Stewart is all drunk and keeps saying "CK DEXTER HAVEN" in that gleefully drunk voice of his? KILLS ME. I love that movie so much.
Posted by: figgy at July 29, 2009 1:00 PM
Best: Indiana Jones; Hans Gruber, Inigo Montoya; Han Solo; Holly Golightly, Rufus T Firefly; Crocodile Dundee.
Worst: Count Dooku. Seriously, George? Seriously?
Posted by: Tarn at July 29, 2009 2:20 PM
Tarn (and others):
I know, right? I think his name should have been: Interim Bad Guy
Posted by: malechai at July 29, 2009 3:20 PM
[one of the] Best: Roscoe P. Coltrane (gyuh, gyuuh!)
Appear to be drawing a blank on Worst names (that haven't been mentioned, already).
(alcohol is bad, M'kaay?)
Posted by: Rykker at July 29, 2009 3:45 PM
I love Grant Grant from Slither but I'm sure a lot of people hate it.
I hate the name Sookie Stackhouse too. Sorry Sookie.
Posted by: Amanda at July 29, 2009 4:08 PM
I know it is not fictitious, but I always thought that Wolf Blitzer has a kick ass name. It sounds like he should be some sort of superhuman killing machine soldier.
Posted by: ~M~ at July 29, 2009 4:36 PM
Count Dooku for worst. Seriously, Lucas? All I could think of was "DOOKIE" every time for Christopher Lee came on the screen. And he deserves much better than that. Anakin's a close second, merely because the only nickname they could come up for him was freakin' "Ani." No wonder he wonder up a killer.
Posted by: luthien26 at July 29, 2009 7:30 PM
Er, that last line should have read, "No wonder he up and became a killer." ;)
Posted by: luthien26 at July 29, 2009 7:32 PM
Best: Michael Myers. Such a seemingly simple name for one of the greatest horrors ever created.
Worst: Napoleon Dynamite. The complete opposite effect as Michael Myers' name. The name that spawned a whole new generation of annoying twats.
Posted by: alice at July 29, 2009 8:27 PM
Juno Mcguff. Not best, just great. Cause in the clinic, the look the boysenberry-junk-suckin receptionist gives her. "She thinks its fake..." I've had that problem...
Posted by: patchfire at July 29, 2009 8:59 PM
"David Xanatos" Ooh. Thank you,Vermillion for mentioning one of my favourite (cartoon) villains of all time.
I second, third, sixth? the love for Fifth Element names.
Best: Leloo's full name - Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat
Worst: tie between Count Dooku and Gaylord Focker.
Best real life name - Sade Badawinwa (I just love the way it rolls of the tongue)
Posted by: villain's minion at July 29, 2009 10:28 PM
Slight tv tangent:
Bernard L. Black
Fran Katzenjammer
Manny Bianco
Posted by: igor at July 30, 2009 2:25 AM
same movie best and worst. poor John Candy. Spaceballs!
best: dark helmet
worst: barf
Posted by: joe at July 30, 2009 11:45 AM
best: H. I. McDunnough, Raising Arizona
Esmerelda Villalobos, Pulp Fiction
worst: Samwise Gamgee
Posted by: fenrir at July 30, 2009 2:38 PM
oh, wait...
best: Elihu Smails, Caddyshack
Posted by: fenrir at July 30, 2009 2:44 PM
not a movie, but turd ferguson ftw
Posted by: albert at July 30, 2009 3:36 PM
How about Neo for best name?
Posted by: yeahbut42 at July 30, 2009 9:29 PM
Best: Joseph P. Brenner, Arnold's alias in Raw Deal. Mostly because of the ludicrous line when Arnold proudly states that P stands for pussy.
Worst: Bella Swan.
Posted by: Laser at August 17, 2009 4:31 PM
Best: Alex DeLarge; John Hartigan; Yellow Bastard; Aldo Raine; John Yossarian; Milo Minderbinder
Worst: Jonnie Goodboy Tyler; Silken Floss
Posted by: Mike at August 24, 2009 1:59 PM
Best: JOHN MATRIX ("Commando"), RICK DECKARD ("Blade Runner"), CREEDENCE LEONORE GIELGUD ("Troll 2") are all equally incredible.
Worst: FORREST TAFT (Steven Seagal's character in "On Deadly Ground.")
Posted by: Bobby Bird at September 18, 2009 6:17 AM
best name - Osiri Drakoulis - Life Aquatic
worst name - Zohan Dvir - You dont mess with the Zohan .