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After-Death Considerations: Do You Have A Plan?

By Agent Bedhead | Comment Diversions | January 30, 2013 | Comments ()


zombietp1.jpg

Forgive me, Pajibans, for I've been unable to concentrate on anything movie or television related in several days. Hell, I couldn't even enjoy last night's episode of "Justified," so I'm creating a wee diversion here.

Over the weekend, I was gorging myself at a little hole in the wall Mexican restaurant called Cancun after my 25K race. I met my goal for finishing in the top 15 out of 126 women, but the resultant bit of joy was tempered by the fact that I hauled ass for 15 1/2 miles only to have two 10-year-old boys pass me right before the finish line (bastards). A little side note -- I've been given a bit of a lecture on Twitter about how I am too "self congratulatory" because I talk about running road races, so let me just say that while I am a bit overenthusiastic about the sport that (not quite literally) saved my life (it's more of a mental than a physical thing), I am merely introducing this topic here for context. Let's just say that I was utterly ravenous in a very uncontrollable and impulsive way. Like a zombie perhaps.

At dinner, the topic of conversation somehow shifted into how one of my friends, a multiple marathoner, would like his body to be disposed of if he ever, say, dies while running the almighty 26.2 miles without stopping. Hey, it happens, so this is a practical consideration. His answer: "Dig a hole, and bury me right there. I'll have died doing what makes me happy." Admittedly, he has a point. Further, he didn't even seem to care about what happened to his body, and his argument on the matter was that he didn't care if the insects came and devoured him almost immediately upon burial because it's not as if he'd feel it happening. My response? "But you never know ..."

Then the subject morphed into a discussion of the outrageous sums that people spend on funerals these days. A few years ago, several members of my extended family passed away, and I was forced to listen to the massive bitching over one of the funerals, which apparently cost around $10,000. And it's not that anyone else had to pay for these ceremonies because the recipients paid for them ahead of time. Nope, the bitching came from people who envied the deceased parties' rather lavish coffins and flower arrangements. Very strange. I just don't understand paying for all that crap when you can't even enjoy it when you're dead. At least my dinner mates wholly agreed on that point if not on the next one.

With that said, I'd not only like my death to be an inexpensive one, but I'd prefer to find a way to ensure that there's no way I'll ever rise from the dead and become a zombie or something. Sure, you usually have to be bitten to become a zombie in most zombie movies, but I just want to be extra careful while making sure there's no way that I'll ever join the horde. Hence ... cremation. I realize that there are considerations (religious or otherwise) for everyone when realizing what form of burial to choose. For me, it's about avoiding the inevitable worm feeding as well as the irrational fear of someday joining the zombie uprising. Also, cremation is much cheaper than going with the traditional Western funeral with fancy, overwrought coffin and limousine service.

So here is my roundabout question for you: As morbid as it sounds, how do you feel about what happens to your body after its physical death? Do you have a plan?

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.


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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • about a decade ago I lost all four grandparents and my dad within about 4 years. It was very difficult and during that time I attended a lot of funerals. It hasn't really helped me make a decision about my own inevitable future because after each experience I had a different take-away.

    My grandmother was accidentally cremated before her scheduled viewing. This was highly traumatic. My grandfather had a viewing, just family, and it was oddly soothing to see him so at peace - he actually looked more like himself in that moment than he had the 5 years previous. Both were cremated and buried.

    My other two grandparents were closed casket and that seemed fine to me at the time. Both were embalmed and buried.

    My dad died unexpectedly and had an open casket. He didn't look like himself, except for his hands. My lasting memory of his wake was holding his hand for the last time.

    I hate fire and the idea of cremation makes me nervous; but I also loathe the idea of being embalmed and buried. I also don't like cemeteries; it never feels like visiting the person, but i know people who are comforted by that. All this to say that whatever works for you and yours is the way to go and for me the longer I think about it, the more likely I am to have a green burial after organ donation.

  • TV / Movies Please

    Holy Mother of God.
    Your narcissism knows no bounds. I quit CB because of your
    ‘me me me’ bullshit. Now you’ve infected Pajiba. STOP!!! Nobody gives a shit about your sports bra, or your haircut because ‘I just couldn’t handle the
    ponytail when running.’ Groan. Get over yourself.

  • Obst N. Gemuse

    I've made my wishes abundantly clear to my kiddos ever since they were small. To wit:

    1. Quickly and cleanly sever my head, cryogenically freeze it and store accordingly.

    2. At such time as cheapo rocket flights are available for the general public, send my frozen head to one of the polar craters of the Moon. The permanent shadows will ensure my continued frozen-ness and shield me from most radiation.

    3. Sometime in the future my head will be found and placed upon an awesome cyborg body (probably spider-like in resemblance) and brought back to life.

    4. I shall make my fortune as an immortal spider-artist by recycling long-forgotten rap music and glam metal. Yes!

  • Whatever gives my family closure works for me-if I had to choose I'd opt for cremation. My husband's grandmother who raised him donated her body to science. I found that to be quite awesome.

  • CosmoNewanda

    I’m going to donate my body parts, wrapped in newspaper, to
    the doorsteps of people I don’t like. I have a list of names already prepared
    including the body parts they should receive.

  • BlackRabbit

    Interesting how few people here have selected a formal religious service. I fully agree, I just think it says something about this site and it's regulars.

    Me, ditto. Science, organ donation, the whole nine yards. If I could donate my NAME to someone I would. Give it all away.

  • Leigh

    I'm surprised no one has mentioned a green burial... no embalming, no fancy coffin (often just a pine box). Very 1800's and very environmentally friendly. Embalming grosses me out, and cremation seems far more un-natural than just decomposing and becoming fertilizer for the earth. (The worm food thing doesn't scare me. They help your body decompose faster... that's a good thing!)

  • Soda

    First, organ-donation. Then, I want to be freeze-dried and composted. As for a funeral - I don't care. Have fun. Drink. Remember. Then get on with your lives.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/P...

  • Amanda W

    I used to say I wanted to be buried in a crypt or above ground, as my claustrophobia would rule even in death. Then after my mom and I went to New Orleans, I thought their way of one family using the same crypt was ideal. But I never get time to myself alive, so maybe when I'm dead I can get a little alone time. A New Orleans style jazz funeral procession still sounds great. While planning my mother's funeral arrangements with her after her cancer diagnosis, I was worried that if I complied with her request of "cremation in a cardboard box and no goddamn wake or party" I wouldn't be showing her how much she was worth. When she was killed in a car accident 3 months later, those plans and budgets came in handy. When the basic funeral company we used showed us the catalogues of flowers and adornments, I saw what a racket it was and how easy it was to manipulate that grief. It didn't hurt more or less when someone died and the funeral was fancy. So, my family knows it's cremation and no crazy money. I still hold fast that they are to create a video of me throughout my life and end it with a slow motion shot of me smiling and turning around waving, and that my will (even if I don't have a lot) will be written in clues and they must solve it scavenger hunt style.

  • Bobbs3k

    Funeral Pyre, complete with coins over my eyes for the boatman. I'd also like some fireworks on the pyre so that there is a kind of grand finale to it all.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    Big coffin, lotsa jewels...

    Truthfully, with all of the nerds here, its in-Khan-prehensible to think no one's mentioned space...

    ...time.

    Whatever you all do to my body for that bit of rankness will happen. Remember me, but ah, forget about skipping out on my student loans.Tru

  • Quatermain

    +1 for the pun.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    typo

  • I want a Viking funeral. Either that, or I want to be stuffed and mounted (taxidermy-style, sickos) and propped up somewhere ala 'Weekend at Bernies' because that would be hilarious.

  • Jo 'Mama' Besser

    You beat my longboat by three minutes? You sunk my coil ship!

  • David Sorenson

    Should I be given the chance (via terminal illness or old age), I've always planned to go out in the woods and pick a fight with a bear for my death plan. Either I kick the bears ass, ride it home, and go down in local history as a bad ass; or the bear eats me and funeral expenses are cheap. I can be buried in a ziploc bag or left to fertilize the ground where I'm.......released....by the bear.

  • Mrs. Julien

    You may not comment much anymore, but when you do, it's choice!

  • badkittyuno

    My husband and I talk about this every time we attend his funeral (which is unfortunately quite often due to the large amount of extremely old people in his family). We're both organ donors (he has an aunt who's been on a transplant list for 10 years and his whole family takes this really seriously as a result) and we both want to be cremated. He's said he'd like his ashes mixed with his favorite dog's (um...we're Texans) and his ashes spread at his family's property. I want to be dumped at the soccer field by my best friend's house, since I spent about 50% of my childhood at that park. Preferably when kids are present, in order to properly freak them out.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Does anyone else now have John Prine's "Please Don't Bury Me" stuck in their head?

  • TK the Other (de-lurking)

    Well, now I do...throw my brain in hurricane...

  • prairiegirl

    I want to be cremated for sure, then I want half of my ashes to be spread in the muck (literally what we called the field my Grandpa farmed until about 10 years ago - it is black and rich and wonderful dirt) at my uncle's farm and I want the other half mixed into the dirt with a tree that is planted in my name, ideally on the hill overlooking the muck. It will give my kids a place to go and "visit" me that is living and giving back to the earth. Not sure yet what kind of tree though. Something flowering, most likely - since I like flowering trees.

    Also, I'd like (if possible) to have as many of my organs donated should my death make it possible.

  • There's the Troy Barnes route, making it look like I've killed myself to get Firefly back on air. But I highly doubt my family would be up for that. There's the Big Lebowski route, which has the benefit of being practical and something they might be open to doing. As other have mentioned, I'd like my organs to be donated (checking my driver's license now). Other than that, I'd just want the cheapest option.

  • BobbFrapples

    Cremate me and scatter me over a peach tree. If I'm in an accident and my mind is gone, pull the plug. I don't want to spend my life as someone's pet rock.

  • I've been in love with the idea of a sky burial since I discovered the tradition some years ago. I'm not sure it's really something that can be arranged from Oklahoma, however.
    I also quite like the idea of the new technique where you're frozen and somehow processed into fertilizer. Also not sure if that's a go in the US.
    Third option: simple cremation. I'm not sure there'll be anyone in the world who will give two shits when I'm gone, so I don't feel any need to leave any specific funeral instructions. If someone does care, they should arrange whatever they think will have bring them the most peace/closure.
    My mother has expressed the wish to have her bones used to create a bone china tea set. Then she decided just teacups and saucers. Now she says candle sticks. In any case, she apparently has the desire to hang around as some form of decoration.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I've never been comfortable with organ donation, but I felt really guilty about it. Fortunately, I have medical issue so they don't want me after all. So long quandary! It's good to know that the issue is good for something. It also got me a really long maternity leave, by US standards.

    I want to be cremated and returned to Canada. When I express this wish to Mr. Julien it usually comes out as, "DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME HERE!". I used to have a place in mind for scattering my ashes; a place where I remember having a moment of perfect happiness and peace, but I haven't been there in 30 years, so they might frown upon my family's arrival with the coffee can. Mostly, I just want whatever is easiest and least burdensome for my family, but no embalming. That is disgusting.

    The Dowager Julien is clergy and conducts funerals. Before her first ash scattering, someone made a point of taking her aside and giving some pointers about wind direction, and shaking technique.

  • Salieri2

    Holy shit, Mrs. J, it never occurred to me: I lived in the UK for 3 years in the '80s, so the American Red Cross won't let me donate blood. (I maintain if I were going to develop Mad Cow I'd've done so by now, but eh.) Ya think I can't be an organ donor? Damn.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I can't give blood either which is a shame because a. my type is O- and people like me have the least type options when receiving a transfusion (only O- will do), so b. I would have been happy to a regular donor. Having an unusual eye colour is a nice way to be different, having fussy blood is not.

    Subject: [jiba] Re: After-Death Considerations: Do You Have A Plan?

  • Bert_McGurt

    Good advice.

  • Kballs

    Grind me up and feed me to Swedish models so I can finally be inside them.

  • BWeaves

    You might have better luck as suppositories.

  • Kballs

    That's why I didn't specify SUPERmodels. Just everyday, run of the mill model ladies lounging around near the Arctic Circle. I'm a simple man.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I actually addressed this on Facebook in October so I shall simply cut and paste:

    I've decided what I would like my last wishes to be. I would like my surviving kin to throw a wake in my honour. No funeral or any of that bullshit. I would like to be present for the event (closed casket because gross) and I would like their to be an abundance of free food and liquor so that those attending may drink and sup until their hearts content. I expect noise and merrymaking and shenanigans of the sort that peace officers will be forced to attend numerous times and at least three new pregnancies.

    At the end of the night, all guests will be presented with a goody bag and a card on their way out. The goody bag will contain all manner of amazing items to numerous to list. The front of the card shall say, "I forgot to tell you that I was cremated." The inside of the card shall consist of a picture of my wife liberally sprinkling something into the food and drink.

  • duchessjayne

    I used to say cremation. More and more I'm leaning towards Aquamation. http://www.aquamationindustrie...

  • Tira

    For a long time, I've wanted to donate my remains to a Body Farm. The idea that my corpse could be used to solve crimes is interesting to me for a number of reasons (and it is, admittedly, a bit macabre). Neither my husband nor my daughter can get behind this idea, so I may need to actually write this in my damn will or make all the arrangements in advance.
    My husband really has no room to talk. A bit of a preamble. He teaches voice, speech, text and dialect work to graduate actors, and he has a skeleton in his voice lab to teach anatomy. One day, he said to me, "When I die, I want you to boil the flesh from my bones, re-articulate my skeleton, and donate me to the drama department so that I can be used to teach anatomy." I paused for a moment, and said, "Wait. You want ME to boil the flesh from your bones? Because while I'm OK with the whole skeleton thing, I don't think that I want to be the one to render your flesh in a stock pot on the stove." We agreed that maybe someone else could do this for us.

  • I have no idea where you live, but Skulls, Inc. and the attached Museum of Osteology in Oklahoma City can and will do that for you.
    They've even got the bits from some donors on sale in the gift shop.

  • Mrs. Julien

    When Pater Julien died, we had to pick out a multi-density fiberboard coffin for him to be cremated in. I told my brother I wasn't sure I liked the idea of Dad's dust being mixed with Ikea furniture for all eternity. He consoled me by saying that the MDF would burn at a much lower temperature than a human body and by the time Dad was actually being cremated the coffin would be completely burned off. It made me feel better. Then, after the small family service at the crematorium, the Dowager Julien went below and WALKED WITH THE COFFIN AS IT ROLLED ALONG THE CONVEYOR BELT INTO THE FURNACE. She saw him to the very, very end.

  • PDamian

    I hope to be an organ donor, and I assume I will be, unless I develop cancer, HIV or some other disease that would bar my organs. As for the rest, I expect to go to Potter's Field or wherever indigents and/or unclaimed bodies go when one dies in Minnesota (assuming I still live here when I die). I have no relatives to claim me (or at least that I'd want to claim me), and I don't want to burden friends with a funeral, 'cause once I'm gone, I won't care.

    There's an unsettling and thought-provoking documentary called A Certain Kind of Death, about what happens to bodies that are unclaimed by relatives or anyone else. It's set in Los Angeles, so the LA coroner and other county employees are involved. The employees are matter-of-fact and unsentimental about their jobs, and yet they're very professional and dignified about it, too. The funerals given the unclaimed bodies are certainly more dignified than some funerals I've gone to, where the deceased's relatives acted as if it were a wedding (i.e., dancing and boozing it up "because that's what he'd have wanted."). I wouldn't mind the county claiming my body and giving it a quiet cremation. No fuss, no muss. I'll leave a wad of cash to some friends so they can toast my life in our favorite bar, and everything else can and should be sold, with proceeds to go to my local homeless shelter or soup kitchen.

  • Brooke

    I'm going to be cremated. We have a small pet graveyard in our backyard and my husband has agreed to scatter at least part of my ashes with my beloved animals. I would like a small memorial service where they play Rainbow Connection. I'm an atheist in the bible belt, so I've really had to emphasize to my family my wish for no religious ceremony.

  • Gabs

    This has been on my mind recently. Friday morning, one of my good friends/could-have-been-more-but-we-never-made-a-move died in a car accident. His family held a closed, family-only wake and he was cremated the next day, and myself and his other friends assume that's what he wanted, but we don't know for sure because it wasn't something that had been talked about. It's made me realize that no one - including my mom - really knows what I would want if it had been me.

    I'm already registered as an organ donor, so they can take all the useable shit. (Going out on a limb here, but they should probably just skip the liver.) Beyond that, I'm happy to be donated to science. If science doesn't want me, go with cremation. Then scatter my ashes and a generous bottle of Cruzan rum somewhere. Maybe under my favorite roller coaster.

    But what I really want is for my crew to have a damn good time that Saturday night. Everyone's gotta drink at least one rum punch in memory of me as they talk about all the fun times we've had. It's ok to be sad, but that's not the primary thing I want them to think when they think of me.

  • Bodhi

    Donate the still useful bits & cremate the rest. Or, donate the whole package to the Body Farm in Tennessee. I'd like to be useful

  • Rochelle

    After being poked and prodded by medicine and science for 3 1/2 years, my mother opted for cremation and a memorial service at the Unitarian Church. She had "interesting" cancer. After dealing with the weirdness of the funeral industry my father has requested that his body be donated to science and his memorial be held some where we can set up horseshoes and his friends can drink beer and talk shit about him. I love my Dad. He wants to make his death as cheap for me as he can.

  • Yan

    I choose cremation too, and then have my ashes artificially made into a diamond. My friends and family can choose what to do with that. I don't want a grave though, and I wouldn't want a funeral either. But then it's not like I can stop them if my friends and family insist upon one

  • bleujayone

    AB-

    Are you absolutely sure those aforementioned 10-year-old boys actually raced the entire way through from beginning to end? Are you sure they didn't just jump in at the last few strides a la Rosie Ruiz? 15 miles is still 15 miles and I really don't see a tweener having the time to train nor the drive to haul ass through it all let alone two of them.

    As for when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil...that which cannot be used to save someone else or help train those to save others can be cremated and scattered into the sea. I feel the cost of embalming, casket, headstone, and plot of land is all just one final way someone tries to take financial advantage of you and your loved ones in their time of grief, not to mention a incredible waste of valuable real estate. Saving all the dead people in the best parks in town sounds like a joke at best and madness at worst. There's honoring those that have passed and then there spending a fortune on those who can never appreciate it and after less than an additional century no one left alive will appreciate it either.

    And instead of a sad and mopey funeral service where the dead body is on display (don't laugh, I've been to open casket funeral with spotlights on the person of the hour) I would instead call for the most ridiculous party imaginable with a film festival and a buffet both of my choosing because screw the medieval traditions, I'm going out with a bang.

  • MissAmynae

    Take any and all organs that can be taken, please. I'd like the rest of the body to go to science if possible. Or to that one guy that does the art installations with the skinned bodies- y'all know the one. I could be the one that shows exceptional fat structure, and the inherent value of a layer of insulation.

    Otherwise, cremate what's left and scatter most of it in the Texas Hill Country, which will always be my home. Then plant violets by my Great-Grandmother Violet's grave, mix a handful of ash in the soil. (this is assuming she hasn't outlived me. I swear that woman is half cyborg. 93 and going strong!)

    After that, Irish Fucking Wake. Great music, booze for who wants it, great food, and laughter dammit.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    I plan to haunt my favorite bars.
    Oh wait... I already do that.

  • PerpetualIntern

    Definitely cremation. I'm terrified of bugs and the idea of my body being eaten by them gives me the heebie jeebies. I also really REALLY don't want to be embalmed. The whole process totally creeps me out. Also I'd want to be an organ donor, if they are still usable. I've got a nice set of....lungs.

  • gutpunchprod

    On the radio show 'Fighting Talk', one panellist replied that he would 'like to have my ashes blown into the eyes of my enemies'
    Failing that, I've donated my body to my local university. Costs nothing and they cremate me after three years with a little ceremony for myself, and all others who gave up their bodies so others could learn.

  • lowercase_ryan

    1) Cremation (A billboard near my house advertises a complete cremation for $570.25. Seriously, the .25 is on there).

    2) Have a gathering of my friends someplace outside and pretty. They can talk and drink and eat snacks.

    fin.

  • KatSings

    Cremation, totally. Scatter the ashes either somewhere pretty, or somewhere important to me (where it's legal - there are a LOT of rules on that). My mom and I had a conversation about this a long time back, and she had asked if I'd want a wake before the cremation for people to say goodbye. I said only if it was closed casket. I absolutely, unquestionably, refuse to have the last picture of me anyone holds in their heads one of my dead body, if it can be helped. I hate going to wakes, because while I do feel the need for closure of goodbyes, I HATE having that last look at the empty vessel that is no longer the person I had loved. I don't even care if anyone thinks that is stupid - I feel very, very strongly about this. Put up a beautiful, blown up picture of me laughing and full of life - *that's* how I want to be remembered.

  • katy

    Three out of four of my grandparents have already died, and I had to see each of them dead in the coffin at their wake/funeral. It's not just having to see your loved one dead, it's that the way they dress up the body leaves the person looking nothing like they ever looked in real life. It's more like a badly done wax figure that shifted a little from the heat in the surrounding lights. I found that way more upsetting than 'not being able to say goodbye' like my mom, dad, and their siblings seem to find more important. I suppose I have that to look forward with my last grandparent too.

    Ugh. Cremation all the way.

  • KatSings

    Yup. I agree with this all the way. The motivation for that conversation with my mother was the death of an 18 year old friend. It was not right to have to see him like that. At all.

  • KatSings

    I'm also down with donating organs before cremation. I'm already a registered organ donor. Hell, I can't use them when I'm dead - someone might as well.

  • BWeaves

    Oh yeah, I've done that, too. Harvest everything they can. Thanks for reminding me.

  • Genevieve Burgess

    After reading "Stiff" by Mary Roach I've come to the conclusion that what happens to you after death should be more about how your loved ones want to mourn you than what you envisioned. I hate open-caskets. Hate them. Find it ghoulish and deeply unsettling and if I could never attend one again without looking like a heartless bitch, I would be happy. But if it's something my future family or friends need in order to really let go of me, then that's what will happen because it's about them. I'm gone. I'm already an organ donor on my driver's license, and I care far less about what happens to all the non-useful bits.

    That said, I will put a strict spending limit on that shit. No need to dump money into a literal 1. hole in the ground or 2. fire.

  • Maguita NYC

    Open-caskets FREEK ME OUT!!! Why the fuck do you want to do that??? The last time I saw a dead embalmed body was my father's. He looked like a dead doll, a dead doll with my father's face without any of his spirit. Pissed me off to no end.

    Give the spare parts to those in need, than burn me to ashes is what I want.

    Than snort me.

    Juust kidding morbidly.

  • Bodhi

    That is a fantastic book

  • Salieri2

    Agreed. Also, human composting. I wanna be an apple tree, preferably Honeycrisp.

  • $27019454

    As my two greatest fears are Fire and Being Buried Alive, I have strict orders to all and sundry to make damned sure I am very very very dead before disposing of me by cremation or burial or what have you.

    Other than that, I do not care what is done w my body. Make it cheap and quick. Any body parts you need to harvest, feel free. Send donations in lieu of flowers to my husband who will need it to put kids thru college or retire. You can shove me down the garbage disposal if you have to. Just make sure I am really really dead.

  • I'm still holding out hope that modern medicine cracks the immortality thing in my lifetime. Barring that, yeah, as inexpensive as it gets for cremation is cool with me. Throw a little shindig in my honor if there are enough people around that care to do so. (I fantasize sometimes about leaving behind a heartwarming, bittersweet beyond-the-grave video message for the funeral like Andy Kaufman did.)

  • Holly Martins

    If my body is still in tip top shape, my family will probably donate some of the organs. Otherwise, it's BODY FARM

  • Anna von Beav

    OHMYGOD I was JUST THE OTHER DAY saying I wanted to donate my corpse to science.

    BODY FARM!

    ETA: Awwww, man! There's no Body Farm in the Northeast. :(

  • Kballs

    Unfortunately I don't think you can request to go to the Body Farm. They pick from a pool of donated bodies. If it is super-important, I suggest finding out what kind of body-type they prefer, tailoring yourself physically to what they are looking for, take notes during the process, and die when you've achieved the perfect form. Send me the notes before you keel over and I can write a bestseller called "Body by Body Farm". I'll share the profits with your living relatives.

    This could TOTALLY work.

  • Holly Martins

    I'm pretty sure any body farm would welcome a Darwin award winner. Yep, that's where I'm headed...

  • the other courtney

    My father was asked the same thing by my mother, a few months before he died.
    Without missing a beat he responded "Stick a sausage up my ass and let the dogs drag me through town. I don't care. It won't matter to me."

    We didn't actually do that.

    I want to be cremated, if possible. After that, give the ashes to the dogs because I don't think I'll care either.

  • Barring the possibility of being frozen in carbonite and kept as a trophy in a gangster's lavish mansion, I'm all in for cremation. Ideally I've got a spot I'd like the ashes to be dumped (scattered sounds so much better, but so does living forever young instead of dying), but to be honest I won't know any better, so they could line a catbox with them and it'd be about the same to me. If it were up to me I certainly wouldn't want a funeral or a wake or any of that jazz - I'd much rather people just remember me from the last time they saw me alive, but the hilarious irony of the very last act of your life is that the handling of your death becomes more about the people you leave behind than you.

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    I very much would like to go old school viking style. That's eco friendly right? No fancy embalming, just put me in a wooden skiff or boat (preferably with a dragon neck on the prow), push it out into the water, and light it on fire via arrow. The fire by arrow part is really key. I want to make a dramatic exit.

  • badkittyuno

    My mom says she wants a modern-day Viking funeral, which in her mind is being placed on a blow up, set on fire and pushed into Lake Texoma.

  • Maguita NYC

    We call this a successfully fun drunken week-end around my neck of the woods.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Do you plan on taking your significant other and your slaves with you, as well?

  • Average Jane

    Hate to tell you, but I just read about why that's not a viable option: http://www.orderofthegooddeath... (this is a great blog about all things death, by the way).

  • Miss Laaw-yuhr

    Such a bummer, but where there's a will there's a way. I'm confident my eccentric loved ones can figure out a reasonable approximation.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Cremate me, package the ashes into say, a Folger's tin, then rent a bus so everyone can get hammered while they drive around to my favourite spots to scatter me into the wind.

    Hopefully, my eventual children will be creative enough to fashion my remaining bionic prostheses (which I'll have because THE FUTURE) into an avant-garde art installation.

    Edit: I mean everyone BUT the bus driver can get hammered.

  • BWeaves

    My husband originally wanted to be buried, but I convinced him that it was a waste of thousands of dollars, and not ecologically sound. So then he decided that he wanted to be encased in a giant block of lucite with his thumb to his nose (in that infantile salute) and propped up by the front door, so it's the first thing my date sees. On other occasions, I can lay him on his side and throw a table cloth over him and use him as a coffee table or extra bench seating. Since that isn't technically legal, he's settled on being cremated, as long as I fly to his alma mater and sprinkle his ashes around the building he spent is happiest moments in (which I know, but won't say here). I've agreed to it.

    Me personally? Just cremate me and sprinkle me anywhere. Around a nice big oak tree would be fine.

    It's funny that you should mention this, as I just contacted a lawyer TODAY to write a will. It's really useless if one of us dies, because the other one gets everything by default. It's mostly to handle the situation if we both die at the same time. We both have living wills and health care surrogate forms. We did those right after the Terri Schiavo debacle. I don't want that happening to me. Just pull the damn plug.

    Also, did you know that if you have assets that you don't want to go to your spouse when only you die, but to someone else, that you can put those assets in your name in a trust that has a POD or TOD clause (Pay on Death, or Transfer on Death), and then those don't have to be put into the will?

  • Salieri2

    It's a theater building, isn't it?

  • BWeaves

    No, observatory.

  • Rochelle

    One of my friends asked for her ashes to be turned into fake diamonds that her husband could use to make his next wife's engagement ring. So that they would both know she was always there, watching. (We're pretty sure she is joking.)

  • Bodhi

    My SIL wants that too. I guess its a good idea & I like her well enough, but I don't want to wear her

  • naivehelga

    My plan is loose, in the hopes that I'll still live a nice long time: cremation. Scatter the ashes somewhere pretty. Done.
    Burial is WICKED expensive - and the funeral homes try to sell you on a bunch of extra stuff. When my mom died, they tried to get us to buy a concrete coffin "shell." I don't know what else to call it - it's a concrete box that your pretty coffin goes in to help keep out moisture and critters and stuff. Thankfully, even in his grief, my dad said no. Because hey - she was ALREADY DEAD. Not trying to be callous or flippant, but really: the worst had already happened. She's not coming back, so tell me again why we need to keep the moisture out?

  • My son has strict orders to ensure my body is salted and burned - because mere fire is not enough to keep me from haunting him. Gotta go the extra and burn the bones with salt. And I sure as hell do NOT want anyone to keep the ashes in an urn or any other thing. Done is done. If they want to remember me, put in a garden.

  • Belkwinith

    I want my body to be placed in a tree in my backyard, so the birds can peck at me and then poop me out on my neighbors cars. I am totally serious about this.

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