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2008 Time Capsule

An Afternoon Comment Diversion / Skittimus Maximus

Comment Diversions | December 30, 2008 | Comments (59)

Time Capsule from 2008

What would you put in it? Take one culturally significant item from the past year, one personal item (for future family members, or given advancements in cryogenics, yourself), and one prediction (just fucking because — I don’t have to explain everything). It’ll be opened again a hundred years from now, provided we aren’t enslaved by sex-bots.

God, sex-bots would be awesome …









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Comments

The Inmates Are Running the Asylum!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at December 30, 2008 2:02 PM

Skitt got a hold of the Pajikeys! He'll doom us all!

Posted by: Julie at December 30, 2008 2:06 PM

One culturally significant item from the past year (a McCain/Palin clip reel entitled "Pocketful of Fail".)

One personal item (My new cologne or my copy of "Why We Suck", which will probably be the new Bible by whenever I wake up.)

and One prediction (Pookie will finally embrace me as the son he didn't have/wish he had/ already has but wants to complete the set. Or, "Watchmen" will be released on time, and 20th Century Fox will be forced to merge with WB after its impending bankruptcy caused by the "Bride Wars" massacre of '09).

Posted by: Mike R. at December 30, 2008 2:06 PM

Personal item: Slinky. If I'm cryogenically woken up, all the Slinkys will probably be in some kind of museum, locked away from my personal enjoyment, and I'd rather be dead than live without Slinky. Hey, that could be my prediction, too. Slinkys will be in museums. Of course I'm thinking of a Futurama-style future, because I forgot when you said these would be opened and I'm just going with 1000 years. Or 10000. I don't remember when Futurama will be.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 30, 2008 2:08 PM

The 'Leeroy Jenkins' clip, as this has been the Decade of Leeroy Jenkins.

Prediction for a hundred years? We will recreate the river dolphin and the moa, and it will be awesome.

Posted by: twig at December 30, 2008 2:09 PM

Culturally significant item - Copy of the New York Times November 5th 2008.

Personal item - my best rendition of my grandmother's Swedish meatballs, somehow preserved.

Prediction - No one is around to open it.

Posted by: Cindy at December 30, 2008 2:11 PM

LEROOOOOOOOOY JEEYENKINS!!!!!

Posted by: Snath at December 30, 2008 2:12 PM

Pookie & B-Slim, locked in a loving embrace... for eternity.

That's it. That's all we'd need.

Posted by: TK at December 30, 2008 2:12 PM

The Inmates Are Running the Asylum!

Quick Skitz! Go check the vault while you still have the keys and find out the origins of the word Pajiba!

Posted by: branded at December 30, 2008 2:13 PM

Oh. 100 years. Whatever, I'll stick with my Slinky, because why not.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 30, 2008 2:17 PM

Significant cultural item: Paheeba Day posts. Duh!

Prediction: Females will see it as the first act of cyber castration.

Posted by: Sofía at December 30, 2008 2:17 PM

Culturally significant item: That t-shirt of Obama on a unicorn. WANT.

Personal item: my lucky Scrabble board.

Prediction: Things will be basically the same. People going to work, hanging out and predicting the end is just around the corner.

Posted by: Jadashay at December 30, 2008 2:18 PM

Culturally significant: Video of Obama's victory speech

Personal: Family portrait taken this summer (clips from the 44-6 beatdown of the Cowboys was a close second)

Prediction: My nefarious plan has succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. Mu-hu-haa-ha-haaaaaa.

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at December 30, 2008 2:28 PM

Item of cultural significance: Hm, video of guy throwing shoe at W or video of President-elect Obama's acceptance speech. Or, pictures of Suri Cruise and her mom's haircut.

Personal item: None. I'm taking 'em all with me, see if I don't. You can't have any of it, it's mine mine mine!

Prediction: Katie Holmes will get another haircut. It will be the biggest news on the planet.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 30, 2008 2:34 PM

Cultural: Obituaries for all the legends we lost this year George Carlin , Paul Newman etc.
Im a morbid fuck

Personal: My divorce decree from that bitch my kids call Mom

Prediction : Global warming was a scam cooked up by the Lithium manufactures to increase their sales

Posted by: gilp at December 30, 2008 2:38 PM

Culturally significant: dvd copies of the Presidential & Vice Presidential debates,as well as SNL's Election special

Personal: all the Christmas/birthday/Valentine's/etc presents I DID NOT get from my now ex-boyfriend, to remind me & everybody else why he is now my ex (WHAT??), along with paystubs from my old job, because everyone will laugh that ANYONE could survive on so little

Prediction: That the world will be just as effed up in the future as it is now, and that Michael Bay, Jerry Bruckheimer and Uwe Boll will someday be considered cinematic geniuses (oh, perish the thought)

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 30, 2008 2:38 PM

Culturally significant: Blagodevich's entire sordid tale. This is becoming the best political scandal ever.

Personal: My grad school acceptance letter.

Prediction: TV will continue to suck to the nth degree in 2009.

Posted by: Melody at December 30, 2008 2:48 PM

Culturally Significant Item: Sarah Palin's horrid winky-smirky face. Preferably attached to her head.

That or the ShamWow.

Personal Item: A collection of my favourite books. Heaven forbid, they may be out of print in 100 years, and I'm going to want them when I've thawed out.

Prediction: Wars will be fought virtually, with leaders of nations going head-to-head in first-person-shooter video games.

Posted by: meaux at December 30, 2008 2:50 PM

Cultural: George W.'s skull. Can we go ahead and harvest it now?

Personal: The uniform I wore as Sheryl Crow's houseboy (pending).

Prediction: Cloned mammoths will be DELICIOUS.

Posted by: firedmyass at December 30, 2008 2:55 PM

Culturally Significant Item: George W. Bush's still-beating heart.

Personal Item: Towel, of course. No one would travel into the future without knowing where his/her towel is.

Prediction: The creator of Idiocracy will be hailed as a contemporary Nostradamus, except that everyone will be too preoccupied by Bride Wars MMCVIII to remember who Nostra-whatshisname was.

Posted by: Pajibill at December 30, 2008 2:58 PM

Waaaait, wait, wait, if I put Slinky in the time capsule, do I have to put it in now? Because that would mean I'd have to live without Slinky in the present. I change my mind.

Culturally significant: DVD of all Spaghetti-Cat related clips/songs, after burning a copy for myself.

Personal item: Sex tape. I'm not saying whose.

Prediction: Sex-bots are too easy. We're already almost there. I'll go with: humans enslaved by giant, intelligent Slinkys. World made entirely out of stairs so Slinkys can get around. Sabrina has place of honor beside Slinky Emperor Slinky. Sabrina is revered as Slinky goddess. Sabrina gets to play with all the Slinky babies.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 30, 2008 2:58 PM

Sabrina:

I believe it was Jack Handy who opined that some people are like Slinkys; they serve no real useful purpose, but they still bring you great joy when you push them down the stairs.

Posted by: Pajibill at December 30, 2008 3:03 PM

Culturally significant: Feature length Blu Ray of the fireplace thingy. Do people really watch that shit?

Personal Item: I'm not telling, it's personal.

Prediction: 100 years from now, humanity will have dumbed itself down to the point where we will no longer be a danger to the rest of the planet. Or anyone else. Unless required to operate anything more dangerous than a light switch without wearing the appropriate safety gear, at which point beware...

Posted by: Xtreme at December 30, 2008 3:06 PM

Culturally significant item:

The will.i.am Yes We Can video spliced to the will.i.am CNN Election Night "hologram" (subtitled "The Use and Misuse of Technology in 2008").

Personal item:

My screaming rubber chicken. Best Christmas present ever. Pay it forward.

Prediction:

They won't have figured out anything more about life than we did. Suckers.

Posted by: Che Grovera at December 30, 2008 3:06 PM

Prediction - two words:

Zombie. Holocaust.

Oh yes. Get ready, you vermin.

Posted by: TK at December 30, 2008 3:11 PM

Oh, and personal item: mah boobs, beyotch.

Posted by: Sofía at December 30, 2008 3:12 PM

Pajibill, Jack Handy will be a revered Slinky philosopher.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 30, 2008 3:16 PM

Cultural: There's enough Obama stuff floating around, so I'll throw in my Phillies world series t-shirt that was gifted to me by the luscious Nicole.

Personal: The spiral notebook that became The Cross Country Road Trip Journal, from 2002 when my two friends and I drove to San Francisco in 48hrs. I want the future peoples to know how to have fun while hallucinating Staypuft Marshmallow men and reeking of swamp ass.

Prediction: All men will have an inner GPS to help them find the clitoris. My future world is an optimistic world.

Posted by: Julie at December 30, 2008 3:22 PM

Cultural: Barack Obama's victory speech.

Personal: The news footage and subsequent mugshot from when I manage to fondle Obama at the Inauguration.

Prediction: Human-panda hybrids were not only adorable but also exceptionally smart and efficient. The Humanda Uprising of 2036 ultimately ushered in an age of enlightenment and environmental rejuvenation where the bamboo flows freely and man is no longer a threat to the Earth. Yeah, that's right. They even saved those frigid polar bears.

Posted by: jM at December 30, 2008 3:26 PM

Culturally Significant: Current seasons of all dipshittery reality shows as well as the year's TV Guides and a dictionary of text-messaging lingo/abbreviations - this will effectively give future historians insight as to how we, as a culture, devolved into dim-witted cave people who were overtaken by the Zombie Hordes TK predicted.

Personal Items: A detailed map for my future offspring. This map will lead them to a genetic smorgasbord of DNA samples I've accrued over the years, as well as my own genetic soup. Provided advancements in technology have resurfaced after the genetic zombie cleansing, I will be reborn and have an army of sexy minions who lactate Bushmills.

Prediction: Conrad will still be a dick, Cephalopodology will have taken place of traditional religion, and Pajiba will have acquired its own continent, appropriately named Eden.

Posted by: Skitz at December 30, 2008 3:30 PM

The prediction was supposed to be 100 in the future? Oh right. Okay, here is mine.

2109: The ability to make an evil clone of myself will be available once I am thawed. That's right, cyrogenics, baby.

Posted by: Melody at December 30, 2008 3:32 PM

Prediction: All men will have an inner GPS to help them find the clitoris. My future world is an optimistic world.

Posted by: Julie at December 30, 2008 3:22 PM

Will that be like today's GPS, which mostly tells you where you should have gone after you've already missed the turn? Doesn't sound like much of an improvement.

My revised prediction is that the clitoris will evolve to be prominent and thus no digging among the folds will be required. How's that for optimism?

Posted by: Che Grovera at December 30, 2008 3:49 PM

My revised prediction is that the clitoris will evolve to be prominent and thus no digging among the folds will be required. How's that for optimism?

Posted by: Che Grovera at December 30, 2008 3:49 PM

Clearly you have not met Chyna, the "female" professional wrestler.

Posted by: greer at December 30, 2008 3:54 PM

Hee! Che, I can stand behind that amendment.

Posted by: Julie at December 30, 2008 3:57 PM

The scalp of Governor Blagojevich an Obama button on it.

Posted by: richmac at December 30, 2008 4:10 PM

Huh...giant clitorises (er, clitori?)...well, it works for the female hyena, so why not?

Posted by: meaux at December 30, 2008 4:13 PM

Cultural: Video of people's expressions on election night.

Personal: Nothing, this was a truly meh year for me.

Prediction: In a hundred years, GW Bush will be in the same refrain as Harding, Grant, and McKinley.

Posted by: Adam C at December 30, 2008 4:14 PM

Prediction: Cloned mammoths will be DELICIOUS.

or:

Prediction: All men will have an inner GPS to help them find the clitoris. My future world is an optimistic world.

I'm not sure which of these is my favorite prediction. I shall therefore wish fervently for them both to come true.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at December 30, 2008 4:18 PM

I forgot to add to my prediction: M.C. Escher is revered as a god, and all Slinky architects are forever aspiring to recreate his architectural designs. This leads to architects having the highest rate of suicide of any other Slinky profession, but eventually they will manage it, oh yes they will, and it will be glorious.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 30, 2008 4:20 PM

Cultural Artifact: One copy of Teeth on DVD. Nothing says "Hey future people, look at what we valued" like an award winning killer vagina film.

Personal Artifact: That singed copy of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man that accidentally fell into someone's lighter that happened by chance to be snatched from that someone's hand and held over the dumpster for safety. Nothing says personal legacy like drawing the line over how off putting literature can be before I say enough is enough.

Prediction: Clint Eastwood wins Best Actor at the 81st Annual Academy Awards. If he gets the nomination, no one will be able to stop him. Not even if Heath Ledger also gets nominated in Actor, not Supporting.

Posted by: Robert at December 30, 2008 4:21 PM

Cultural: I'd find one of the Geezer/Dingbat election signs.

Personal: My iPhone, because it can do anything.

Prediction: Humans will have moved out into the galaxay and colonized another planet/moon and are in the process of ruining that like they did Earth.

Posted by: Jeni at December 30, 2008 4:26 PM

Cultural Item: A Babe-raham Lincoln t-shirt

Personal Item: the sweet/sour scent of my children sleeping

Prediction: Cupcake in a cup technology, and we still will not have elected a woman president of the U.S.

Posted by: Mrs Smith at December 30, 2008 4:27 PM

... M.C. Escher is revered as a god, and all Slinky architects are forever aspiring to recreate his architectural designs...

Which will eventually lead to the design of self-referential, endlessly duplicating Slinkys, and pretty soon we'll need Sarah Connor to bail our asses out-

Posted by: Pajibill at December 30, 2008 4:32 PM

Pookie & B-Slim, locked in a loving embrace... for eternity.

That's it. That's all we'd need.

Posted by: TK at December 30, 2008 2:12 PM

----------------------------------------------
Haaaaaaaaa, you sick. fuck.


Hey Rowles? When did this become an outlet for TK's homoerotic unwholesomeness?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 30, 2008 5:12 PM

Cultural Item: Crocs. People in the future will gain confidence in the fact that we were just as fucking retarded as they are.

Personal Item: My library of, ahem, visual stimutalory aids. The future needs deposits to the spank bank as well.

Prediction: Boobs are the new brains.

Posted by: admin at December 30, 2008 5:12 PM

Further Prediction: admin will learn how to spell.

Posted by: admin at December 30, 2008 5:14 PM

Slim's hopes for '09:

A world where Pajiba and all the vermin that run it have been eradicated.

A world were TK's head will be a conversation piece seeing how it has become an accessory/paperweight.

A world where Slim's vision of free hookers has become a reality.

A world where Greedo shoots first.

A world where I have 10 million dollars.

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 30, 2008 5:28 PM

Which will eventually lead to the design of self-referential, endlessly duplicating Slinkys, and pretty soon we'll need Sarah Connor to bail our asses out-

And I'll be riding gloriously atop Endlessly Duplicating Slinky Emperor Slinky, killing puny humans with my specially made Self-Referential Slinky cannon.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 30, 2008 5:32 PM

Watchmen will not be released on time, and the delay and drama will hurt it's box office take.

An "I Voted" sticker from this year, marked by my friend with the toothy smiley face.

My treasured IT Crowd DVDs.

Posted by: Smokin at December 30, 2008 5:58 PM

"...I will be reborn and have an army of sexy minions who lactate Bushmills." -Skitz

Sounds like fun. Almost worth taking the chance on being frozen.

Posted by: Smokin at December 30, 2008 6:03 PM

Culturally significant item: I'll be an ethnocentric Canadian and put the coalition that almost was in the capsule, along with the definition of "prorogue".
I also think one of the Iraqi projectile shoes should be in there.

Personal item: my Twin Peaks gold box set, so in the future people will know that at one time, tv was good.

Prediction: Osama Bin Laden and Mullah Omar will get married in Iran and invite Bush to the reception.

Posted by: Agente Provocatrice at December 30, 2008 6:12 PM

Excellent work, ma chere compatriote!

Posted by: meaux at December 30, 2008 7:27 PM

Cultural - Billy Mays' gaping maw, with an Awesome Auger buried in it and sealed with Mighty Putty.

Personal - the collection of destroyed top buttons from my Levis that my swelling, bulbous, nebulous blob of a gut burst this year

Prediction - my decimated 401k will continue to dwindle and decay until I retire so that the staff of the local soup kitchen and flop house will have to put up with my senile antics and grabasstic tomfoolery.

Posted by: bucslim at December 30, 2008 10:47 PM

Cultural Artifact - A DVD of me about to unveil the meaning of life to a weary population, who believes me to be the great philosopher and leader of this century. Just as I am about to unveil the ultimate secret to peace and prosperity...

Never gonna give you up...
Never gonna let you down...
Never gonna run around and...
Desert you...

The future has just been Rickrolled bitches.

Personal Artifact - The head of the evil dictator from World War III.

Prediction - I'm going with the sexbots, there are a lot of lonely people out their. And I want real sexbots, not fucking hunks of plastic with obviously fake vagina's.

Also, I am seen as a great philosopher, and the military genius who saved the world from World War III. The future will be saved, you're welcome Pajibites.

Posted by: George at December 31, 2008 1:03 AM

Culturally significant item: One of those stupid "NOW!" CDs with all the teeny-bopper pop music. It'll be good for the future to know that the past wasn't that much better. (You know, because 100 years from now, today's youth will be screaming stuff like "Back in my day, music sounded like music, not just a bunch of noisy crap!" ... I mean, because old people say that today. Right? It's not just my grandpa, right?)

Personal item: A collection of my writing. Maybe 100 years from now, when it's rediscovered, I'll be famous. A girl can dream...

Prediction: Has anyone here read the M.T. Anderson YA lit book Feed? In the future, we won't need cell phones, because we'll all have an implant in our brains that keeps us connected to the feed. Want to "message" my husband at work? I "think it" to him. If I'm shopping and I want to know if I can get a better price somewhere else? The feed will tell me. Bored and I don't know what to do? The feed commercials will give me an idea. It's like an iPhone in our brains... and we are just stupid enough, and technologically-dependent enough, to fall for it.

Posted by: Ariel at December 31, 2008 8:55 AM

On further review, can I change my one item? I'd like to bring a DVD booklet with Speed Racer, Cloverfield, and Dark Knight in it to the future; just to show them I'm down with the classics.

Posted by: Mike R. at December 31, 2008 9:38 AM

So, anyone else here wondering if Sabrina has ever, um... you know... tried to fuck a Slinky?

Posted by: firedmyass at December 31, 2008 1:03 PM

That is disgusting, fired. My Slinky is like my security blanket.

I have drawn a Slinky having sex with a Bop-It, though.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 31, 2008 3:08 PM

Unless you were talking about my penis, Thor. He will fuck anything.

Posted by: Sabrina at December 31, 2008 3:09 PM



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