The Stink of it All: Comic-Con 2008
A Pajiba Reader's Account / Alexa Castro
Ah! The sweet, overly-ripe smell of nerdstink in the morning. For the first time in 39 long years, Comic-con has sold out before the event even began. With more and more mainstream coverage due to it becoming a mecca for movie announcements, our nerdy safe-haven has become the thing we’ve feared, dreaded, and oddly looked forward to the most: mainstream appeal.
Armed with an arsenal of flasks, water bottles, small camera, portfolio (in case that bigshot director wants to see your work!), and comfy-as-all-get-out shoes, I was fucking prepared for the warzone ahead. A warzone of pungent, pimpled arguments pitting Battlestar against Star Trek, Marvel vs. DC, nerd vs. geek. Upon arrival on the first official day I immediately run into Frank Darabont, director of Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, and The Mist. The guy is fucking amazing, so warm and he let me hug him a whole bunch. I was pretty damn weirded out while we were talking, since he kept rummaging through his bags, only to present me with a print of an alternate DVD cover (by Drew freaking Struzan!!!), which he also signed. He was just glad to be recognized. Awesome start! No less than 5 minutes later I met Dian Bachar who played Choder Boy in Orgazmo. Excuse the zombie-grin, the Troma booth calls for it.
Don’t judge my tastes people. The man is barely 5 feet tall and he only gets dreamier when you imagine a 12-inch dildo attached to a helmet on his head.
Moving right along! The next day was a panel I was much looking forward to: “Spaced,” a phenomenal series written by Simon Pegg and Jessica Hynes, directed by Edgar Wright and co-starring the amazing Nick Frost. If you think Shaun of the Dead is the best thing ever, then you’d be wrong. It’s actually “Spaced.” They’ve finally released a DVD for North America, and our panties couldn’t get wetter. It’s not really news, but my God are those people fucking fun when you get them in a room together.
Unsurprisingly, the theme of the con was The Joker. The first guy scared the holy living hell out of me and had a laugh you could hear booming from halfway across a hall crowded with over 150,000 people. Now THAT is a Joker. Is it strange to have thought he was completely awesome? Because he was. He intentionally sought kids out to make them cry. And the Joker in the nurse outfit? My hero.
Cut to Saturday. A late start was had after a night of heavy drinking and … strippers?! I had no idea comic book artists rolled so dirty. We show up a tad late, and who do we run into but the also incredibly short Seth Green. Shortly after the picture was taken I realized my belt was undone, clearly in shambles and helpless against Seth’s undeniable sex appeal and smooth silky moves. By smooth and silky moves I mean he told me “please make it quick.” You know you wanna hit that, ladies.
The time came for the panels I had waited all weekend for: Drag Me to Hell and Pineapple Express. We had to sit through the last half of the Death Race panel, the new film starring Jason Statham and a remake. Honestly, it looks half-terrible and nothing new, but Jason Statham is a charming motherfucker and gorgeous to boot. However, nothing is more adorable than 5,000 nerds singing Jason Statham “Happy Birthday” and making him blush. Awwwww!
For you Land of the Lost fans, they’re remaking it with Will Ferrell and Danny McBride with the original writers on board, with a trilogy in mind. I was skeptical at first, but everyone on board looked so happy and felt so passionate about the project. I don’t know much about it, so I didn’t quite pay attention. But it did look quite wonderful from the clips they showed.
Finally, Sam Raimi appeared to ridiculous applause to promote Drag Me To Hell starring… JUSTIN LONG?! The fucking MAC guy!? Die. The trailer was rolled, and it was met with an overwhelming (and loud) “meh.” And then they showed 2 long clips which made me wish Sam Raimi would re-assemble that shitty trailer. Because those clips will sell you on this movie as much as it sold me. A true return to form for Raimi in horror-comedy. Well played, Raimi. Well played. (I’m trying to find a place to upload it, Universal is FAST at taking it down!)
Oddly enough, I sort of love Justin Long now. He was fantastically hilarious, quick, and way too charming to be comfortable. It’s pretty jarring to dislike someone so much only to have him win you over in less than 5 minutes. Sigh.
I didn’t bother much paying attention to the new Underworld prequel. It looks like some horrific shit, with the production designer of the previous 2 films taking over as director and the star of Doomsday being the female lead. The only thing that held my interest at ALL in that movie was the glorious Bill Nighy. Hilarious bloke, and a hot piece in all respects, baby.
I really don’t want to say much about the Pineapple Express panel. I apologize for shaking the camera so much, it’s damn near impossible to keep it steady while laughing my ass off. Those guys are quick as a whip, and this movie looks pretty amazing. “I just thought it’d be fucking awesome to have a stoner action movie,” Seth Rogen says, and I couldn’t agree more. The guys from the first clip are from the amazing “Human Giant” comedy site, and if you have no idea what I just said, google “Will Arnett Olsen Twin Sex Tape” and you’ll see what I freaking mean. Comedy… gold. (And Rob Cordry from “30 Rock” and The “Daily Show!” Squee!!!) The following clips are from the rest of the panel.
Can any of you help me? I think this guy is on “Lost” or something? He was freaking awesome.
That’s all I have to say about the experience really. Seeing that Ron Pearlman is really 5’7” and owns an adorable puppy? Priceless. Watching Samuel L. Jackson eat in a swank restaurant while wearing a ladies’ tuxedo and looking DAMN good? Exquisite. It’s crowded, insane, I have a slight fear of crowds, but honestly what can a bunch of nerds do? Roll some dice and decide your fate? By the time they roll that 20-sided die you’ve already sucker punched them in the balls. Comic-con! Where even the crossing guards have cooler hair than you ever will.
Alexa Castro is an enthusiastically alcoholic concept artist with as firm a grasp on English grammar as she has on her imaginary penis. She lives in Los Angeles with her boyfriend and paints monsters.
Whiskey Baby Ninja Star T-Shirts on Sale
DVD Releases 07/29/08 |
| Films of Pennsylvania
|
Comments
That sounded so fun Alexa! I envy you for getting that close to Seth Green.
And I can not reiterate enough-Pineapple Express was seriously one of the funniest fucking movies I have ever EVER seen. I can't wait till it comes out so I can see it again.
Posted by: Julie at July 29, 2008 1:19 PM
I didn't bother much paying attention to the new Underworld prequel.
When will it end?! WHEN?!
Posted by: twig at July 29, 2008 1:22 PM
The man is barely 5 feet tall and he only gets dreamier when you imagine a 12-inch dildo attached to a helmet on his head.
I've never seen him before but I can only agree. That is one cuuuuute lil' manling. Did you get his number?
Posted by: Jerce at July 29, 2008 1:23 PM
Sort of off-topic, but just had to say it...
Alexa, you are, like, really pretty. Keep up the good work.
Posted by: David at July 29, 2008 1:34 PM
Awww...Seth Green
He is the only reason I own the Austin Powers movies. Only the first 2. Not the abomination that is the third one, of which I have yet to see.
Nice job Alexa. You saw Samuel L.? So not fair. Last time I was at the S.D. Convention Center, there were no celebs, unless you count the guy who invented the PalmPilot.
Posted by: Melody at July 29, 2008 1:40 PM
Hey, get in line after me, David. Alexa was the best thing about these pics!
Posted by: TMax at July 29, 2008 1:40 PM
The Crossing Guard deserves his own goddamed series. With a spin-off about the colony of critters that live inside his fabulous locks. Shampoos will have tie-ins, Crossing Guard careers will skyrocket and all will be good with the world.
MAKE IT HAPPEN!
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at July 29, 2008 1:55 PM
Seriously, enough with the creepy stalker comments.
Posted by: I Love Beets at July 29, 2008 1:59 PM
Um, the crossing has her own series. It's called The L Word. Hello?! Whatup? Booya!
Anyone see Jessica Hynes and Simon Pegg on The Soup? Hilarious and adorable. They're like 5'3"
Why is everyone in Comic Con so short? Talk amongst yourselves...
Posted by: amanda47 at July 29, 2008 2:02 PM
Is Lyle Lovett playing a crossing guard in his next movie? I'm confused.
Posted by: TK at July 29, 2008 2:04 PM
Anyone see Jessica Hynes and Simon Pegg on The Soup? Hilarious and adorable. They're like 5'3"
I saw that. they were awesome, and the bit about Legally Blonde? Delicious.
Posted by: Vermillion at July 29, 2008 2:05 PM
Wait--Ron Perlman is 5'7"? Damn, movie magic is impressive!
Posted by: frumpiefox at July 29, 2008 2:06 PM
TK, Lyle Lovett made a first movie?
I am so confused.
Posted by: Melody at July 29, 2008 2:07 PM
Lyle Lovett was in "The Player" and "Short Cuts". Don't know if there's more.
Posted by: Jay at July 29, 2008 2:18 PM
Melody... I agree! This was my 6th year at comiccon and I never saw many celebrities before. But studios and television networks come to con en masse now, so they too must embark on the magical journey.
Lyle Lovett has the best face to draw
Posted by: AlexaCastro at July 29, 2008 2:22 PM
I'm confused. I thought Comic-con was about comic books and graphic novels. It seems to be a giant Sundance film / TV festival for geeks. Or is that just what it's morphed into?
I just tried watching Spaced on DVD. I was underwhelmed. I guess 20 somethings who can't get their lives together don't amuse me, just annoy me.
Posted by: BWeaves at July 29, 2008 2:25 PM
Melody-
Lyle Lovett was in a few Altman films, plus a couple of other things. On his IMDb page, he has 13 items as an actor: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0005164/
Posted by: tamatha at July 29, 2008 2:25 PM
Nice write-up, Alexa.
I envy you getting to touch Seth Green.
And, I'd do pretty much anything for just a drop
of Justin Long's ballsweat. That's how hot I
think he is.
Posted by: Drake at July 29, 2008 2:27 PM
Lyle Lovett was in "The Opposite of Sex" too.
Posted by: sassmouth at July 29, 2008 2:27 PM
Thanks for the info guys.
Maybe I need to get out of my cave more often.
Posted by: Melody at July 29, 2008 2:41 PM
Is the guy in that last clip not Danny Masterson from that 70's show?
Posted by: Roos at July 29, 2008 2:45 PM
Love this write-up. Alex your not only extremely pretty with a great shirt in pic two, but your funny as well. :)
I've always found Seth to be attractive which is weird because I'm not into short guys or red heads.
So excited about Pineapple Express....
Posted by: Virenda at July 29, 2008 2:47 PM
Lyle Lovett's an awesome musician (great live!), but his twisted, lanky frame creeps me out. No touchy.
Posted by: Skittimus Maximus at July 29, 2008 2:54 PM
Skitt: I had the pleasure of meeting Lyle Lovett in New York after his (awesome, amazing) show. Twisted lanky frame to you but he has the prettiest blue eyes, a wonderful smile and he's charming as hell...In other words - I'm in lurve! or lust or something!
Posted by: trixie at July 29, 2008 3:07 PM
The guy with the mustache is Bob Stencil, he has a youtube page.
Posted by: Know the Person at July 29, 2008 4:03 PM
haha! Thanks Know... I found that out last night. He's effing great.
Posted by: Alexa Castro at July 29, 2008 4:10 PM
At the Lost panel, they were giving away prizes from a big Dharma Initiative box related to the characters they were talking about. Bob Stencil got up and asked, "Between you and me. How does the show end?" When they asked him what prize he wanted, he said, "Do you have anything with Jin? I like Jin." Cuse and Lindelof were like, "Do you mean the drink or the character?" Kid pauses and says, "Jin's a character?!"
They gave him a six pack of Dharma Beer.
Posted by: insertclevernamehere at July 29, 2008 4:41 PM
I just got back from comic con and it was awesome! I got to meet so many authors including Yoshitaka Amano--the artist/author of mateki; the magic flute--an aweomse graphic novelL!!
Posted by: lovecomics at July 29, 2008 4:56 PM
Everyone at ComiCon is short because nerds are short because tall people are the beautiful people and have no time for the nerdiness because they are too busy being beautiful and tall.
Posted by: wsapnin at July 29, 2008 8:56 PM
seriously, it looks like you had a great time. people watching is one of my favorite hobbies.
Posted by: wsapnin at July 29, 2008 8:58 PM
On the Seth Green photo:
A) Are you standing in a ditch?
B) You went to Awesome Con and you didn't mention it by name? Come on, there's nothing to be ashamed about by liking Tim and Eric.
Posted by: James K. at July 29, 2008 11:24 PM
James K.
A) fuck you, I'm short :(
B) No I didn't mention it, I went to a panel last year where they BOOED them and didn't think this was the crowd to mention them! But yes. I love Tim and Eric forever infinity
Posted by: Alexa Castro at July 29, 2008 11:33 PM
So if Bachar is 5'0" and Seth Green is 5'2", 5'4" according to IMDB but they always add two inches to everyone's height, are you under 5 feet yourself? My sister was skiing at Redford's Sundance resort once and spotted him on the slope and was inexorably drawn to him until as she got close realized she was 2 inches taller than he was. It broke her heart for reasons I don't fully comprehend.
Posted by: OscarTamerz at July 29, 2008 11:57 PM
I am 5'3" myself!! so yes, apparantly EVERYONE at comiccon is short. Hayden Panettiere I saw in passing! Bitch is barely 5 feet tall. Although Choder Boy hit on my best friend and she's WELL over 6 feet tall.
Different strokes for different folks, and then some.
Posted by: Alexa Castro at July 30, 2008 12:52 AM
Seriously you needed to be at the Torchwood Panel - John Barrowman and Gareth David-Lloyd, both about 6 feet tall..... and well nice eye candy there!
Posted by: noo at July 30, 2008 3:01 AM
I lied. According to IMDB Perlman is 6'1" so that's 6" added to his RL 5'7".
Posted by: OscarTamerz at July 30, 2008 2:39 PM
Great recap! I saw Pompadour Crossing Guard too!
http://picasaweb.google.com/trl1138/ComicCon2008/photo#5228892548624128066
Posted by: TL at July 30, 2008 3:34 PM
Alexa, I am so jealous of you. And you're really really pretty. (Jules, I think I just broke up with you.)
Seriously you needed to be at the Torchwood Panel - John Barrowman and Gareth David-Lloyd, both about 6 feet tall..... and well nice eye candy there!
I caught it on YouTube and my little fangirl heart was squeeing like mad. Gareth was rocking the stubble, and Captain Jack is always hot. But what was with the gum chompy chompy?
Posted by: Nicole at July 30, 2008 10:27 PM
Speaking of conventions, I just wanted to say if you're handy to Maryland, the Horrorfind Convention is on this month. It's pretty cool. I went in 2002 and met Bruce Campbell for reals and up close and he shook my hand and all. (Mega fangirl red-faced SQUEE!)
I hope it's okay if I include this link:
http://www.horrorfindweekend.com/
Posted by: Loob at August 2, 2008 10:38 AM
