Woman Arrested for Stalking John Cusack, True Ramifications of His Role in Ruining Womankind Now Clear

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Woman Arrested for Stalking John Cusack, True Ramifications of His Role in Ruining Womankind Now Clear

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | September 6, 2013 | Comments ()


Earlier this week, a woman was arrested after making several attempts to enter John Cusack’s home. She was then served with a restraining order, based not only on this attempted break-in, but three years of attempted contact, including telling him that she was informed by angels that they’d been together in a previous life and needed to be together.

This is all very frightening, a horrific downside of life in the public eye. But, I’d be lying if a big part of me didn’t read about this and think, “well, YEAH. He broke us.”

I think at this point in time, we’ve all been cured of our Klosterman-foretold Cusackian illnesses through years of Twitter douchery, the fact that he hates Better Off Dead and a lot of really terrible movies (guys, I can’t even talk about Must Love Dogs. Like, I CANNOT.) But, sometimes, like listening to “Room for Squares” and forgetting for a moment that John Mayer is a human nightmare, you think of Gib, or Lane, or, sigh-shiver, Lloyd, and you just can’t help yourself. So, maybe you date lookalikes, or you wistfully walk past Milwaukee and Honore in the hopes that he’s doing a Championship Vinyl nostalgia walk, or, I don’t know, you try to climb in his window because the angels told you your love was the forever kind, whatever, it happens to ALL of us.

Sure, this lady’s nutty. But didn’t he make all of us a little nutty? Didn’t we all want to receive his heart, for just pens a day? He skied the K2 of our souls and, sure, we’re going to get a little serious about it, and if he’d just answer one of my this silly lady’s voicemails—she totally isn’t me, that’d be nuts—it wouldn’t be such a big deal.

Anyway, in a totally unrelated story, I’m going to be kind of hard to get a hold of for a bit. In an even more unrelated story, orange is a really bad color on me, really brings out the olive in my skin. In a super even more unrelateder story, hypothetically speaking, anyone got, like, 150 large-ish in bail money? I’m just asking, it’s just a survey.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • I wonder if I'm the only person who, originally and over time, prefers Gib to Lloyd.

  • I maintain that I married my husband because of his resemblance to Gib. They talk the same, act the same, apologize the same.

  • Decades ago, I thought my best friend's younger brother looked like John Cusack. Now that they've both grown up, my husband is much better looking. :)

    Gib's monologue at the pool still slays me, though.

  • dr_zayaz

    "Twitter douchery"? Please...he's one of the only celebrities with an actual intellect not afraid to talk about politics without doing it in a way to promote his career. Plus, I have a man-crush from his friendship with Hunter S. Thompson.

  • zeke_the_pig

    I'm afraid I still don't understand the accusations of Twitter douchery. I follow him on there, and it seems to me he's just an - admittedly occasionally semi-literate-through-righteous-rage - person concerned about abuses committed by those apparently meant to represent us.

    Where's the doucheness?

  • kirbyjay

    But he can't spell!! I had to unfollow him on Twitter because of his spelling douchery. I mean, an occasional word, FINE, but he ....he was just so.....I really thought.....I mean he LOOKS intelligent....what the fuck Lloyd? I guess I'm a grammar snob. If you can't manage to put a decent sentence together, how much do you really know other than where the Kardashians shop and how many cities have Real Housewives.
    I come to Pajiba for the spelling!

  • Uriah_Creep

    Hey, you're supposed to be in Paris, stalking having fun with Monica Bellucci.

  • Mrs. Julien

    He nipped out for more beer.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Really? As I understand it, the Pig doesn't have enough blood in his alcohol stream.

  • lowercase_ryan

    If it is in fact true that Lloyd & co. ruined you lot romantically, just think of the Hiroshima level meltdown Twihards will be looking at in 10 years.

  • Long_Pig_Tailor

    Hey, Must Love Dogs is... Perfectly... Um... Oh, fuck, I know. But it came out right around the time my cougar-y fascination with Diane Lane was cementing and damn if I don't love it anyway.

  • Hollyg

    That third paragraph just made my day. I'll help you out with the bail, Courtney.

  • BuffyloGal

    Bail, huh? That come with dental?

  • bastich

    Did the original news story mention if the woman was caught holding up a boombox in front of Cusack's house?

  • bastich

    Dammit, Agent Bedhead already did this joke in Pajiba Love, and I totally missed it.

    Sorry, I'm usually drunk when I read this site. And naked. And covered in Nutella.

    Please disregard.

  • frank247

    ^^^^^^^^ and that is my nomination for EE next week.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Orange is the new Courtney.

  • Milly

    He's an absolute arse in High Fidelity, or at least his character is a complete and utter derriere. Yet people cheer for the character at the end when any right minded person would be telling his girlfriend to run far far away.

    The list she gave as to his shite behaviour during their relationship - that his character retold - should have been enough to get him binned forever.

  • His character was an ass in the book, too.

  • Damn you, movies of the 80s... Between Lloyd Dobbler and Jake Ryan I had completely unrealistic expectations. And, even though I now know he's really a douche, this is how I think of Cusuck:

  • pnnylne

    It still breaks my heart that he hates Better Off Dead. :(

  • manting

    That does hurt. BoD is one of my favorite 80's movies. He wouldn't do Hot Tub Time machine II either. My favorite though is Gross Pointe Blank. Love it when he fights Benny "the Jet: Urquez - he and Jackie chan had some epic fights back in the day. You can tell Cusak has a hand in every movies soundtrack he works on. I swear every movie he is in has the clash or the specials in it.

  • Mrs. Julien

    Poe's Law.

  • Kahntahmp

    No wink or smiley.

    Yep, someone is going to Hell for this one.

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