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Twilight Actor Urinates on Airport Terminal Floor, Just Like the Movies Have Done To Our Cultural Landscape

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | January 3, 2013 | Comments ()


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Yeah, bitches, we're starting 2013 off right with the penis of some bro from Twilight peeing in the middle of an airport. HOLLA! *raises roof, affixes poncho to avoid splashback*


Sadly, it wasn't Pattinson. Or even the much likelier to publicly urinate Kristen Stewart, or anyone else who matters for that matter. Bronson Pelletier plays someone named Jared. According to the Twilight Wiki, "Jared Cameron is a Quileute shape-shifter, who first phases after Sam Uley, before Paul Lahote. He is the Beta of the Uley pack and also one of the five to imprint." So, yeah. Obviously.

Honestly, I have nothing more to say. I feel like someone from Twilight drunkenly pissing on the floor in front of weary Christmas travelers is all that's necessary. Happy New Year! *blows blowy thing*

Also, I initially read every article about this story as being about Bronson Pinchot. It made this whole thing much more interesting.



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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • kilmo

    Ahhh, this is super sad. He was such a cute kid on the Canadian show 'Renegadepress.com.'

  • There was a dude named Jared in the movies?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    He is the Beta of the Uley pack and also one of the five to imprint.” So, yeah. Obviously.

    Now, now..it's true this sounds ridiculous, but that's true of all literary fantasy. If you said that about some dragons from Pern, I'd be all over it.

  • stardust

    I love how utterly bored that cop was, like that dude was the 18th person he had arrested for public urination that morning.

  • googergieger

    That's nothing. I once whipped it out at a funeral.

  • Mrs. Julien

    That surprises none of us.

  • googergieger

    It shouldn't. It was act one of my award winning one man show.

  • L.O.V.E.

    So you were the star of "Dick at a Funeral"?

    Kudos. It was much funnier than the stage production of Death at a Funeral, but not as dickish as "Four Weddings and a Funeral", starring that prick, Hugh Grant.

  • lowercase_ryan

    I want his cries of pain playing on a loop, like that damn Dominique song.

  • Groundloop

    That was pretty sweet.

    What really caught my ear was the foot flailing after Security got him on the floor. My Morse Code is pretty rusty, but I think he was trying to tap out "Don't tase me Bro!"

  • Carlito

    "According to the Twilight Wiki,"

    Thankfully the dead man's switch in my brain engaged before I read what followed. I think it was able to save most of the logic, math, and short-term memory function. Unfortunately I'm now going to be frequently pissing myself like Mr. Blotchy Dick up there.

  • Luke Anthony Matthews

    Is this the one who's also a meth head?

  • Google says yes!

  • Bert_McGurt

    By Jove, that entry from the Twilight wiki reads like it was written by some repressed half-literate!

  • BWeaves

    Like the author of Twilight?

  • Bert_McGurt

    Well of course you're correct, but this is what I was referring to:

  • ABL

    The headline made me cackle out loud.

  • Steve Baker

    He should see if he can get on Trailer Park Boys.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

  • carrie

    Gerard Depardieu fan?

  • Mrs. Julien

    BOOM! goes the dynamite!

  • e jerry powell

    He matters enough that someone wrote a crap Wikipedia entry for him, if such things can be considered significant these days.

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