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Twilight Actor Urinates on Airport Terminal Floor, Just Like the Movies Have Done To Our Cultural Landscape

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | January 3, 2013 | Comments ()

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrity | January 3, 2013 |


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Yeah, bitches, we're starting 2013 off right with the penis of some bro from Twilight peeing in the middle of an airport. HOLLA! *raises roof, affixes poncho to avoid splashback*


Sadly, it wasn't Pattinson. Or even the much likelier to publicly urinate Kristen Stewart, or anyone else who matters for that matter. Bronson Pelletier plays someone named Jared. According to the Twilight Wiki, "Jared Cameron is a Quileute shape-shifter, who first phases after Sam Uley, before Paul Lahote. He is the Beta of the Uley pack and also one of the five to imprint." So, yeah. Obviously.

Honestly, I have nothing more to say. I feel like someone from Twilight drunkenly pissing on the floor in front of weary Christmas travelers is all that's necessary. Happy New Year! *blows blowy thing*

Also, I initially read every article about this story as being about Bronson Pinchot. It made this whole thing much more interesting.


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